


Vulnerable

by Grizzam



Series: Vulnerable [1]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Alternate universe - There is no alternate universe, Angst, Anxiety, Boys Kissing, Deaf Character, Drug Use, First Love, Fluff, Gay, High School, Homophobic characters, M/M, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Sort Of, Suicide Attempt, Violence, and grizz learning sign language for sam, basically Grizz freaking out over e v e r y t h i n g, but also a lot of drama, but not grizz and sam, but not sam or grizz though, campbell is a dick, like making out in libraries, like so much cute stuff, obviously elle and campbell, there's still cute stuff i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2020-04-06 05:17:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 290,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19055986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grizzam/pseuds/Grizzam
Summary: An alternate universe in which there is no alternate universe. The teenagers of West Ham are living normal lives, going to high school, partying, and planning for their futures. Grizz Visser has a monumental crush on Sam Eliot, but he's too scared to actually talk to him. When he finally does, things get...complicated.





	1. Pining

**Author's Note:**

> I am an addict for dramatics so there’s plenty of it in here and honestly there’s a bit of characters suffering BUT there’s still plenty of fluff and smut. I don’t know exactly how often I’ll update this but I want to write it all as quick as I can. It’ll at least be one chapter per week, maybe two if I have time.  
> Please note that I don’t own The Society or any characters in this story. I’m just writing for fun. I’m also not deaf, nor have I ever really had much communication with people who are deaf so please correct me if I write something wrong and I shall attempt to fix it! I’m also not from the USA so if I screw up with any American stuff then my bad. Other than that I hope you all enjoy!

Grizz’s hands shook as he pressed down hard on the wound, but the thick, dark red blood kept oozing between his fingertips. It wasn’t stopping and if he wasn’t panicking before then he certainly was at that moment.

 

“Call the _fucking_ ambulance!” he screamed. His eyes stayed fixated on the boy on the ground, watching as his chest rose and fell slowly, then slower, and then…nothing.

 

“Fuck, fuck! No, no, no. Fuck. Don’t fucking do this to me!” Grizz pleaded.

 

With one hand desperately trying to stop the blood loss, his other searched for a pulse that wasn’t there.

 

“Please…fuck…please,” he was going to cry or vomit. Maybe both. This couldn’t be happening.

 

He didn’t know what to do. He kept his hands there, frozen. He heard the sirens in the distance but he still didn’t move. He couldn’t save him. He was dying, right there, right on the ground in front of him. He couldn’t even pay attention to anything happening around him, the voices, the sobbing, nothing. Because a life was slipping away right in front of him, right from his fingertips.

 

It wasn’t until his arms were being yanked away from the body did he finally look around. The first thing he noticed was the barrel of a gun pointed at him, and then the second police officer cuffing his wrists behind his back.

 

“You have the right to remain silent,” the officer spoke, and Grizz heard nothing but static.

 

\---

 

*Several Months Earlier*

 

How could one person be _so fucking beautiful?_ That was the first thought Grizz had when his eyes landed on Sam three tables away. It wasn’t like staring at Sam was an uncommon occurrence for Grizz. In fact, it had quickly become his favorite lunch time activity. Why eat when you can pine over a boy you’ve barely ever spoken to?

 

Grizz ignored his stomach as it rumbled. He knew if he didn’t eat then he’d have no energy for football practice that afternoon, but how could he possibly tear his gaze away from those blue eyes? That auburn hair? And, God, those perfectly pink lips? _Fuck,_ he was screwed. The obsession he had with Sam was growing. It wasn’t in a creepy way, or at least he hoped it wasn’t. He just didn’t know how to handle the monumental crush he had.

 

Sam threw his head back in a fit of laughter at something his friend Becca said, and suddenly Grizz was jealous. He wanted to be the one to make him smile. Alright, that might have been a little creepy. He couldn’t be so possessive over someone he’s barely had one conversation with, and even then, it took him two years to actually work up the courage to speak to Sam.

 

Grizz could remember the party clearly. Sam was off to the side by himself, and Becca, who was almost always attached to his hip, was nowhere to be seen. Grizz took that as his chance to finally speak to him. He remembered approaching Sam and thinking he had a great way to get his attention. It turned out Grizz was a complete fucking idiot and would only make a fool of himself.

 

Google was a great thing, when used correctly, and Grizz thought he was being clever by learning a bit of sign language, but when he went over to Sam and started signing to the deaf boy, well, it all went downhill. He thought he was doing so well, he really did. He meant to ask Sam if he was having fun and if he wanted another drink, but Sam stared at him, completely lost.

 

It wasn’t until Grizz confessed about the app he downloaded and showed it to Sam that he was told of his mistake. Apparently British Sign Language and American Sign Language were too completely different things. Grizz was used to being one of the smartest people in the room, but at that party he had never felt more like a moron in his entire life, and he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out when Sam promptly ended their conversation the second Becca turned up again.

 

Grizz cringed as he thought back on the memory. That was six months ago and he was so scarred by the interaction that he hadn’t even thought about speaking to Sam again. It was funny because he was one of the most popular guys in school. He was friends with almost everyone and never had a problem with going up to a complete stranger and talking to them, but Sam? Sam was different. Sam made Grizz’s insides twist and turn.

 

Clark slapped Grizz hard on the shoulder, breaking him out of his trance. Grizz coughed awkwardly and turned to his friends. For a while there he completely forgot he was sitting in the cafeteria with people surrounding him.

 

“You have a crush, dude,” Clark smirked.

 

Grizz tensed and looked _anywhere_ except at Clark or Sam.

 

“What? No, I don’t,” Grizz’s tone was defensive and he cursed himself for it because he totally sounded guilty now.

 

“Relax,” Clark snorted, “I know she can be a little odd but Becca’s hot. I approve.”

 

The tension left Grizz’s chest. _Of course,_ they thought he liked Becca, because the popular jock, star football player, apparent womanizer, couldn’t possibly, not in a million years, not if you fucking paid him to, have a crush on a boy, right? Grizz sighed to himself and cracked his knuckles, a nervous habit of his.

 

“That’s what I look for, Clark, your stamp of approval,” Grizz said but Clark didn’t even notice the sarcasm in his voice.

 

“That’s what I’m here for, Grizzy bear,” Clark said.

 

Grizz shook his head, glanced at Sam one last time, then looked down at his food so he could finally eat it during the last two minutes of lunch because he spent twenty-eight of those minutes being a fucking stalker. He cursed himself.

 

Being in the closet sucked sometimes. It wasn’t like he was afraid of coming out. He wasn’t. Well, not really. He was actually really looking forward to it, but in college. College, where he was miles away from this place. College, where people thought differently. College, where Grizz could just start over as _himself._ As _Grizz_ who also just so happens to be _gay_. Not Grizz who pretended to be straight and slept with girls through high school then came out of the closet.

 

Grizz didn’t want the drama. He didn’t want to deal with backlash that high school would bring, and it annoyed him that there would even be backlash. He knew in the back of his mind that it wouldn’t be that bad. He knew his friends wouldn’t hate him or be disgusted by him, so he was lucky in that regard, but Grizz knew the way Clark, Jason and sometimes even Luke talked about Sam. Grizz knew they weren’t being vicious about it, but the offhand comments behind Sam’s back when they all _knew_ he couldn’t hear them made Grizz sick to his stomach.

 

Gym class was the worst. You put a group of straight men getting undressed in front of each other and it’s fine, right? All of a sudden Sam walks in and everyone’s glancing at each other, an unspoken straight boy bond. Grizz was sick of. He was sick of the way they looked at Sam sometimes, even if they all claimed to be progressive and okay with gay people. Grizz knew that deep down some of them had a problem.

 

Grizz didn’t want football practice to be awkward. He didn’t want the guys turning around and hiding themselves on purpose in the locker rooms because they’re dumb jocks who think everyone wants to check them out. Grizz wouldn’t want to check any of them out anyway. They weren’t his type and he wasn’t some sex crazed pervert. Then again, sometimes the thoughts he had about Sam were less than innocent.

 

Grizz glanced up at the rest of his friends to see if any of them caught on that it wasn’t Becca he was looking at. Jason and Clark were oblivious, like always. Luke was too caught up trying to kiss his girlfriend, Helena. Then there was Gwen who just broke up with Clark, but was still part of the group. Her eyes locked with Grizz’s and she have a small smile before Grizz averted his eyes and went back to, well, pining over Sam.

 

\---

 

The final bell of the day let Grizz know it was time for football practice and since his last class of the day was with his three best friends, he headed off down the halls with Clark, Jason and Luke. Grizz wasn’t paying much attention when Clark stopped suddenly and he ran right into his back.

 

“What the fuck, Clark?” Grizz asked.

 

“New recruit sign ups,” Clark nodded.

 

Grizz was actually interested. He usually tried to sign up to some sort of club or committee whenever he had the extra time and with his senior year almost up and college applications already in, he had a bit of spare time on his hands. There were a lot of sign up sheets and a lot of names on each one. Maybe he could sign up to something the guys were.

 

“Seriously?” Jason spoke, and Grizz saw what he talking about. Clark was signing up for student council.

 

“What? I like politics,” Clark shrugged.

 

Grizz didn’t say anything, and he still kept quiet when Jason and Luke ended up signing up for it too. They weren’t the right people for the job. Maybe Luke was, but the other two? They probably just wanted to fuck shit up, upset teachers, pick on kids. Not that they were mean guys, because they really weren’t, but they weren’t exactly the most serious or responsible people.

 

“You too, Grizz?” Luke asked.

 

“I don’t think so,” Grizz said as he scanned the other sheets.

 

“You gonna sign up for anything?” Jason spoke this time.

 

“Yeah, just gonna check them all out first. I’ll meet you guys on the field,” Grizz waved them off.

 

“Don’t be late. Coach’ll bench you,” Clark said, whacking his hand a little too hard on Grizz’s shoulder, and Grizz just nodded dismissively.

 

“No he won’t,” Grizz murmured to himself once the others were out of ear shot. Grizz wasn’t conceited, but he also knew he was probably the best player on the team, other than Luke who was quarterback. Grizz had gotten up to a lot of shit over the years and barely received a scrap of punishment for it.

 

Back to the task at hand. His gaze travelled over each of the clubs, some new, some ancient. When his eyes fell on a certain bright green sheet of paper with barely any names on it, he knew he had to sign his name. Environmental committee. Grizz wasn’t able to sign up last semester. He was too busy with college applications, but he was so passionate about the environment that he couldn’t skip past it again.

 

Grizz was a sucker for nature, for gardening, for getting into pointless arguments about climate change with his peers and yelling at dickheads who threw trash out their car windows. He was also in love with the purity of being outdoors and not having any distractions like phones or television. Sometimes he sounded like such a grandpa when he said those sorts of things to his friends, but he didn’t care what they thought.

 

Grizz took his favorite pen from behind the back of his ear. He often forgot he kept it there after class. He scribbled his name down. _Gareth Visser_. Not many people even knew his real name. He had been going by Grizz ever since the third grade.

 

He ran his hand through his getting-too-long hair and gnawed on his bottom lip as he skimmed over the rest of the clubs. Dance? Grizz would love to sign up to dance but the last time he showed an interest in dance, his mom put him in peewee football, which he guessed wasn’t so bad anymore since he was pretty sure it would get him a scholarship.

 

Poetry? That, Grizz could do. If there was anything that Grizz loved, it was poetry, and reading. Basically, anything that involved books. He signed up. He was so excited at the prospect of learning more about something he loved that he didn’t even notice the boy standing next to him until he spoke.

 

“Can I borrow your pen?” the all too familiar voice asked.

 

 _Act cool, act cool, act cool,_ Grizz chanted over and over in his head. He swallowed hard then turned to Sam. He opened his mouth to speak and when nothing came out, he signed the word ‘yes’. Thank God he knew at least that.

 

‘Thank you,’ Sam signed back, and that was pretty much the only other sign language he knew, other than ‘bullshit’, but somehow even with Grizz’s mind turned to mush with the boy next to him, he knew it wasn’t the time to use that sign.

 

Sam’s fingers brushed over Grizz’s as he took the pen, and Grizz was _fine._ Absolutely _fine._ He most definitely was not trying to remember how to physically form words because the air in his lungs was stuck in his throat and trying to choke him. He watched on as Sam signed up for the LGBT club. Sam’s name was the only one there, and it killed Grizz.

 

“What did you sign up for?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz still couldn’t speak, so he just pointed at the sheet of paper.

 

“Environmental committee, huh?” Sam pondered the choice and Grizz didn’t know whether he should have felt embarrassed about it or not. He decided to just nod like an idiot.

 

Sam quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, examining Grizz with so much curiosity, and Grizz wanted to die. 

 

“You know I’m deaf but I can read lips really well,” Sam pointed out.

 

Grizz was tripping, stumbling, collapsing all over his jumbled thoughts before his voice decided to start up again.

 

“T-trees are good,” Grizz stammered. Fuck! Trees are good? Was he high? Grizz wanted to crawl in a hole. _Pull yourself together you idiot._ “Uh, uhm…I mean, it’s always good to look after the environment. You should sign up.”

 

“You want me to?” Sam asked, tilting his head to the other side like puppies do when they’re trying to figure something out. Grizz wondered if he was being totally transparent with his crush on the other boy.

 

“Yes?” Grizz answered, and well, if he wasn’t being transparent then, he totally was now.

 

Sam nodded slowly, and without even arguing or thinking about it, he scribbled his name down right there under Grizz’s. Sam looked up at Grizz with a smile before giving the pen back, then without a word he walked off. Grizz watched him as he joined Becca and they started signing to each other, and that was the moment Grizz decided he was going to learn sign language.

 

\---

 

A couple of days later Grizz found himself running down the hall after third period, chasing down a short girl with long, dark, wavy hair that went all the way down her back.  “Becca! Hey, Becca!” he squawked out, earning himself a lot of strange glances, but he didn’t care.

 

He caught up to her and she looked at him a little oddly before speaking, “Hey Grizz, what do you want?”

 

“Hi to you too, hey listen, I need a favor,” Grizz breathed in deeply, trying to catch his breath. He chased her all the way up a set of stairs and down a hallway, and he didn’t mean to seem desperate but it was a rare occasion when Sam wasn’t by her side and he needed to talk to her alone.

 

“Please?” Grizz remembered to add at the last second, because well, he didn’t want to seem rude, right?

 

“Depends what it is and what you’ll give me for doing it,” Becca said.

 

“Uh, well…what it is, is I uhm…I need someone to teach me sign language and you’re like the best at it,” he said, and he knew he should’ve probably thought through how to ask her that before he did it.

 

“Sam’s the best, actually,” Becca said.

 

“Yeah, but I’m asking you,” Grizz said with a smile that he used on all the girls he’d try to pick up at parties when he was desperately trying to be straight. He knew he could be a pretty convincing flirt when he wanted to be. Becca cross her arms over her chest and eyed Grizz quizzically.

 

“Why the sudden interest in learning ASL?” she asked him.

 

“I have a deaf cousin coming to stay with me and my parents and I’d like to be able to talk to them,” Grizz said quickly and that was actually an excuse it took him almost an entire day to come up with.

 

“What’s in it for me then?” Becca asked. She was definitely one to get to the point.

 

“Uh…I’ll…” Grizz shrugged and thought something up on the spot, “I’ll do your English homework for the rest of the year.”

 

“Jesus, Grizz, are you serious?”

 

“I like English. It’ll be easy. Come on, Becca, please?” Grizz was about to get down on his hands and knees. Sure, he could’ve just watched some YouTube tutorials, but he learnt better in person.

 

“All right, all right. Fine. After school today,” she said.

 

“Today? But I have football pr-”

 

“Today or nothing. I’ll text you my address,” Becca said and waved him off dismissively before walking around him.

 

Grizz watched her go before formulating an excuse to skip practice. He was about to come down with a severe case of food poisoning.

 

\---

 

Grizz sat across from Becca at her dining room table. They had been at it for almost two hours and Grizz was more focused than he had ever been in his life. It was funny because he could barely get up the courage to speak to Sam and yet there he was learning _how_ to speak to Sam.

 

“So, I think most of what you just learnt will get you through daily life, but you’ll probably have to download an app to practice or we can have more lessons?” Becca suggested.

 

“More lessons would be great, actually. If you don’t mind,” Grizz said. He definitely needed more because he felt like he was catching on quick, but this was an entire other language and two hours wasn’t going to teach him everything.

 

“I might have to make you do my biology homework too,” Becca teased with a smile.

 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“Course you wouldn’t, you nerd,” Becca laughed then changed the topic, “anyway, was there anything, like, specific that you want to know how to sign?”

 

Grizz chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about, and there was more he wanted to know. Becca had spent the past two hours teaching him how to hold a basic conversation, but Grizz wanted to talk to Sam and he didn’t want to bore him with ‘the basics.’

 

“I don’t know, uhm…like…what’s some nice stuff?” Grizz asked, unsure.

 

“Nice stuff?” Becca said and Grizz was sure she was mocking him, but he was determined to get an answer out of her so he ignored her tone.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know. Like…how do you tell someone you like them? Or…or say you’re on a date with someone. How would you sign to them?” he crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling like a thirteen-year-old talking to their best friend about their crush.

 

“Do you plan on dating that deaf cousin of yours?” Becca joked, and Grizz knew it was a joke but he still panicked.

 

“No! No, no, I-I mean, like…one day, you know? I, like, I might meet a cute deaf girl and then what?” Grizz rambled. Fuck, she wasn’t buying this at all.

 

“You know,” Becca leant forward, voice lowering even though nobody was around, “I’ve only been doing this whole sign language thing or a little while. You’d probably be better off to learn from the best.”

 

“Uh?” Grizz hummed like an idiot. He knew where Becca was going with this.

 

“You should ask Sam,” she said.

 

“Oh, no n-”

 

“It’s fine, I’ll ask him,” Becca nodded quickly and went to get her phone out of her pocket.

 

“No, wait!” Grizz practically leapt over the table and latched onto Becca’s hands, stopping her from ending Grizz’s life. Alright, maybe he was being dramatic. When Becca stared at him with raised eyebrows, he slowly withdrew himself, but kept his eyes on her phone so she didn’t go texting Sam.

 

“Grizz,” Becca sighed, tilting her head to the side, “there is no cousin, is there?”

 

Grizz was panicking, although no-one would know that from looking at him. Grizz had a way of internalizing his feelings so he looked cool, calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside his heart was slamming against his ribcage. Becca was just looking at him and Grizz knew. He just _knew_ that Becca knew.

 

It wasn’t even Becca clueing in that Grizz might just like Sam that made him panic. It was more that Sam could find out that he had this giant, massive, spec-fucking-tacular crush on him and it wasn’t okay because he was still in high school and this wasn’t the plan. He wasn’t supposed to actually like someone until he could do something about. This wasn’t supposed to happen until college.

 

“Don’t,” Grizz gulped, looking away from her, “don’t tell him.”

 

“I won’t,” her voice was softer now, no bossiness or teasing in it like she usually went for.

 

Grizz couldn’t even meet her eyes. He just looked down at his fingernails as he spoke. “Does he ever talk about me?”

 

“He thinks all the guys on the team are idiots,” Becca laughed, and Grizz’s heart dropped, and apparently so did his face because Becca was quick to speak again, “except everyone knows you’re the smartest guy in school. I’m sure Sam knows that too. He’s just not into the whole ‘hey bro, chest bump’ thing or whatever you guys do.”

 

“Neither am I,” Grizz murmured.

 

Grizz wasn’t looking at Becca so it took him a moment to realize her hands were moving, so when he looked up, he only caught the end of what she was trying to sign to him.

 

“What’d you say?” he asked quickly.

 

“That means,” she answered as she slowly signed what she was saying, “can you teach me sign language?”

 

“Oh, okay, right, okay, slower this time,” Grizz said and stared at her hands intently.

 

“All right, but, by the way, you’re asking Sam to teach you,” Becca said.

 

Grizz didn’t argue with that. He would probably chicken out and not ask at all, but the thought of having private ASL tutoring lessons with Sam? That would be okay with Grizz. If only he had the guts to ask.

 

\---

 

Grizz got home late that night since Becca’s parents came home during their ASL lesson and insisted Grizz stay for dinner. He was sure they thought he and Becca were dating, and Grizz was fine to let them think that for the night.

 

He spent the entire walk home trying to figure out how he felt about Becca knowing he liked Sam. Technically, she was the first person who knew he was gay, and he outed himself on complete accident. He wasn’t very careful, and he was _always_ careful. He felt like an idiot now. At the same time though, Becca was a really nice girl. He felt like he could trust her with this. She did swear not to tell Sam anything about this after all. He even made her pinky swear, and that’s some pretty serious shit right there.

 

Grizz slid his shoes off at the front door when he entered his house. His family wasn’t typically a ‘spend time with each other after work or school’ type of family, but his parents did expect him to at least greet them when he got home, so he went into the living room where they always were at this time; watching TV.

 

His mom was the only one to look up when he walked in. Her hair was as dark as his; the only feature he had inherited from her. Other than that, he was practically a clone of his dad and he hated it sometimes, especially around Christmas time when he’d have to endure seeing extended family and they’d always go on about how he was just like his father. He didn’t want to be like his father though. His father was cold, and Grizz was warm. His father was a bigot, and Grizz was progressive. His father thought gay men were disgusting, and Grizz? Grizz just spent his afternoon learning sign language so he could flirt with a boy.

 

“Where have you been?” his mother asked.

 

“At a friend’s house,” Grizz replied in a monotone.

 

“Name?” she was getting right to the point, being blunt, and Grizz felt like something was up.

 

“Becca. We were studying,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, that’s good. I was concerned you already started your extra-curriculars,” his mom said.

 

“Why’s that concerning?” Grizz asked, ready to just leave.

 

“I got an email this afternoon from the senior coordinator, you know, just informing parents about which clubs their kids have signed up for. Environmental committee and poetry club?” Her tone was less than impressed and Grizz wanted to tear his hair out. He knew the school sent those emails but he thought, no, he hoped his mom would just leave him be.

 

“Kid like you should be focusing on football to get a scholarship. I don’t want to have to fork out for your tuition because you were busy rhyming,” his dad finally felt like joining the conversation and Grizz wished he had stayed quiet.

 

“I get straight A’s. I’ve got the best grades in my school, practically in the state. I could get a scholarship on that alone,” Grizz argued.

 

“Either way, I ain’t paying for your mistakes,” his dad grumbled and got off the couch. He left the room, probably going to search for his fifth beer of the night.

 

“Why poetry?” his mom asked in a softer tone once the two of them were alone.

 

“At least it’s not dance, right? Or theatre,” Grizz spoke bitterly.

 

His mom pursed her lips before going on, “I sent an email back to Mr. Johnston telling him to take you off the poetry club.”

 

“What?!” Grizz shouted, “you can’t just do that!”

 

“I told them you have too much to focus on with your grades and football,” her tone, still calm and soft, was pissing Grizz off. Didn’t she see how controlling she was being? Grizz was eighteen for fuck’s sake. How could his parents still have control over what he did in school?

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“I’ve kept you in the environmental committee though,” she chirped happily, “Some labor might do you good.”

 

“It’s fucking gardening, mom. Maybe I’ll wear a bright pink floral hat while I’m at it,” Grizz snapped.

 

Grizz could see the worry in his mom’s eyes and for a moment he let his anger slip and instead guilt set in. He knew his mom cared about what was best for him, but what she thought was best for him wasn’t the same as what Grizz thought was best for himself. She always went about these things so terribly. Grizz knew that deep, deep down, his mom knew he was gay, and he didn’t understand why it was such a big deal for her to try and stop it from happening. All Grizz knew was that he had to stay in the closet because he didn’t want to know what it would feel like to see that look of concern in his mother’s eyes turn to tears.

 

“Sorry,” Grizz sighed, “I’m just gonna head to bed.”

 

“You’re not hungry?” his mom asked.

 

“No, I ate at Becca’s. I’ll see you for breakfast,” Grizz said, then gave her a small, reassuring smile, because he honestly hated fighting with her, and then he headed upstairs.

 

Grizz showered, brushed his teeth, changed quickly and flopped down on his bed with a heavy sigh. He wanted to bury his face in his pillow and scream. He wanted to cry and let go of all the emotions swimming through his head. He wanted to climb out his window and float away to somewhere where he didn’t feel like he was confined to a box or being shaped like a piece of clay into what everyone else thought he should be.

 

Instead of doing any of those things, he lay there in the dark and practiced what he could remember of the phrases Becca had taught him.


	2. It's a date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 recap:  
> Closeted Grizz pined over Sam. Grizz's friends thought he liked Becca. Grizz and Sam signed up to some clubs. Grizz asked Becca for sign language lessons and she figured out on her own that Grizz is crushing on Sam. Grizz's parents are dicks.

“Hey Grizzly bear,” Gwen spoke as she flopped down next to Grizz on the beanbag chair in a corner of the library. Her body squished against his, but Grizz didn’t mind. He liked affection.

 

“Lady Gwendolyn,” Grizz greeted, “what are you doing here? Don’t you have math?”

 

“Skipping it. What are ya readin’?” she asked and snatched the book from him. She took one look at the cover and Grizz knew she had no interest at all in literature so she probably didn’t even look at who the author was before thrusting the book back in Grizz’s hands.

 

“You made me lose my page,” Grizz mumbled.

 

“Boohoo. You’re such a nerd,” Gwen said playfully before resting her hand on Grizz’s thigh. Grizz wasn’t really sure what to think of that. They had always been _kind of_ close friends but ever since Gwen and Clark broke up, Grizz noticed Gwen being more affectionate with him. He decided to let it slide and only deal with it if it became more of a thing.

 

“Are you just here to annoy me?” Grizz asked and went on without getting an answer, “does skipping have anything to do with Clark being in your math class or?”

 

“Maybe,” Gwen shrugged, “I don’t know. Break-ups are hard. You’re lucky you’ve never been in a relationship.”

 

“Yeah, lucky,” Grizz spoke under his breath.

 

Gwen rested her head on Grizz shoulder and sighed, “why haven’t you been in a relationship anyway? Do you have any idea how the girls at this school see you? You’d have a line a mile long.”

 

“Just trying to focus on school. Wouldn’t have a clue how to get a b-, uh,” Grizz coughed, “girlfriend, anyway.”

 

“It’s easy.”

 

“Oh yeah? How did you ask Clark out?” Grizz asked.

 

“I didn’t. He asked me out.”

 

“Right, so, how many guys have you asked out?” Grizz knew he had her there. Clark had been Gwen’s only boyfriend.

 

“Okay fine, you’re right. Maybe it’s not that easy,” Gwen gave up.

 

“What would you do though? Like, how would you ask a guy out?” Grizz asked, and in the back of his mind was Sam. Grizz didn’t think he would ever have the courage to even ask Sam to teach him sign language, let alone ask him on a date. The thought was ridiculous.

 

“Hmm, I wouldn’t. I’d just go up and kiss them. That’d get my point across,” she said.

 

“You can’t just go and kiss someone,” Grizz was a little frustrated because this was not the helpful advice he needed. He couldn’t exactly go and kiss Sam out of nowhere, as much as he wanted to.

 

“Sure I can. Watch,” Gwen said, and then before Grizz knew it, Gwen was kissing him.

 

He hadn’t even clued in that this was where the conversation was heading. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, because after this he was sure Gwen felt some kind of way about him. She wasn’t just proving a point. Grizz knew that the second her hand slid higher up his thigh. Fuck. He didn’t want to tell her he was gay either. And then there was the issue of Clark. Clark! Perfect!

 

Grizz pushed her back gently and shook his head, “Clark’s one of my best friends.”

 

“So?” she asked and leant in again, but Grizz turned his head.

 

“Gwen…”

 

Suddenly Gwen giggled and slapped Grizz’s chest lightly, “I’m just messing with you. I was just proving a point. Anyway, I should probably at least make an appearance in math. I am failing after all.”

 

Gwen stood up so quick that Grizz fell to the side. On instinct, he quickly reached out and grabbed her hand before she could get too far. Gwen looked down at him and he studied her face, praying that she wasn’t upset because he _hated_ when his friends were upset, especially at him.

 

“Are we good?” Grizz asked.

 

“Of course we are. I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” she said, shaking her hand free of Grizz’s. She didn’t wait for a reply before she left.

 

Grizz groaned and covered his face with his hands. He could even count how many times this happened. He always had a lot of girls throwing themselves at him, probably because he was one of the only single guys on the football team. Usually Grizz could deflect, talk his way out of anything. He would tell girls that he was dating a girl from another school. He’d tell them he was focusing on school, which wasn’t a total lie. Occasionally, if he was drunk enough, he’d sleep with them just so people wouldn’t get suspicious of his sexuality. This had never happened with one of his friends though.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz muttered to himself. If Clark found out about this, he was so screwed.

 

At that moment, Grizz’s phone vibrated in his pocket. His heart leapt into his throat because there was no way Clark could’ve found out already, right? He sighed in relief when he saw the name on the screen. It was only Becca.

 

 **WHEN WILL YOU ASK SAM FOR LESSONS!!! –** Becca

 

Grizz rolled his eyes. Becca had been periodically asking this same question for the past week, and for the past week Grizz had been thoroughly ignoring her, and why? Because he was a chicken. He was too scared to ask Sam for lessons because he was too scared that someone everyone would find out he’s gay. Grizz wanted to stick to his plan of coming out in college, so he was trying his damn best to forget about his crush on Sam. It was easier said than done.

 

 **I’m not** – Grizz.

 

 **WHY NOT?!?!? –** Becca.

 

 **Because! –** Grizz.

 

 **I’M BRINGING SAM TO FOOTBALL PRACTICE. –** Becca.

 

 **DON’T!! –** Grizz.

 

 **I’m gonna tell him we’re checkin out hot guys on the team. Not a lie!! Maybe I’ll point out Clark to him cuz I heard he’s newly single. Maybe he swings both ways? –** Becca.

 

 **Stop. –** Grizz.

 

After Becca sent him a string of the girl shrugging emoji, Grizz gave up. She was an absolute nuisance. At least he could be thankful that she hadn’t told anyone he’s gay. Then again, she could’ve told Sam and just told him to keep it a secret. The thought had Grizz’s heart racing and suddenly he wanted to puke. Crushes were fucking hard.

 

\---

 

It was football practice and Becca made good of her promise to bring Sam along. They weren’t the only ones watching, but they were sitting off to the side, mostly talking to each other and it looked like doing homework. Grizz noticed this because he spent more time paying attention to Sam than actually playing football.

 

“Are you kidding me, Visser? How could you not catch that?!” Coach yelled at him.

 

“Sorry coach,” was all Grizz said.

 

Clark, Jason and Luke kept giving him funny looks. He hadn’t played this bad in his entire life. It was a good thing it was just practice and not an actual game. Grizz let himself glance over at Sam one more time before swearing that he would stop being so obsessive. He wondered if he was even a blip on Sam’s radar. He probably didn’t even stand a chance. All Grizz wanted was to get to know the boy, and for the boy to know him back. Grizz felt that maybe, just maybe if Sam knew the real him that no one else knew that maybe he’d like him too.

 

Fuck. Grizz wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this. He wasn’t supposed to indulge in these thoughts. He was so torn between his head and his heart and he just wanted to scream. He felt sick, and the most annoying part was that he couldn’t even pin-point the reason why he liked Sam. He barely spoke to him. He didn’t _know_ him, and yet there Grizz was, obsessing. Perhaps it wasn’t healthy. Maybe Grizz needed help.

 

“I expect better next time, Visser,” Coach snapped at Grizz.

 

Wait, that was it? Practice was over? Well, the rest of the team was walking off the field, but Clark, Luke and Jason were still standing with him, because after practice they always hung out for a little while longer, just talking and throwing the ball around.

 

“Five laps around the field and maybe that’ll teach you,” Coach barked.

 

“Wait, seriously?” Grizz argued.

 

“Go, before I make it ten! And Luke, you watch him. He stops early and you tell me, alright?” Coach asked the captain of the team.

 

“Yes, sir,” Luke said with a smirk. Jerk.

 

Grizz watched as their evil coach left the field, then he looked back at Luke who was just watching him expectantly.

 

“Oh come on, you’re really gonna make me do it?” Grizz asked.

 

“At least do three. He’ll know if you don’t,” Luke shrugged. Grizz rolled his eyes and gave in. He could use a good run actually. Maybe it’d get his mind off of Sam.

 

He was wrong. The moment he started running, all he could think about was how Sam was still on the bleachers. Was Sam watching him? What did Sam think of him? Did he look hot running? Did _anyone_ look hot running? Did Sam even notice him at all? It was even worse when Grizz ran by Sam and Becca, and Becca let out a wolf whistle, and Grizz wanted to kill her.

 

Grizz did his three laps and when he got back to his friends, he was sweating and panting, looking like an absolute mess for sure. He pulled off his now drenched in sweat t-shirt and pulled the top half of his air into a bun. His hair was only just long enough to get some of it back. Grizz collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily. He hated their coach sometimes.

 

“Show off,” Clark spoke, and it took Grizz a moment to realize the comment was directed at himself.

 

“Hm?” Grizz questioned, then Clark nodded over at the bleachers where Sam and Becca were. Right. Crush on Becca.

 

“Fuck off, Clark,” Grizz snapped. He was not in the mood.

 

“Wait, you really have the hots for Becca?” Jason asked.

 

“No, I don’t,” Grizz’s breathing evened out but he still wanted to huff and puff in annoyance.

 

“Sam then?” Jason chuckled like an absolute oaf.

 

“No!” Grizz snapped with a glare, “yes, alright? Fine. You got me. It’s Becca. Fuck you guys are annoying.”

 

Grizz didn’t really know why he did that. He was just digging himself a hole, really.

 

“Okay Grizz, buddy. Time for the world’s best wing-man to step into action,” Clark said.

 

“What are you talking about?” Grizz sighed.

 

“Go long,” Clark said, holding the football and nodding towards the bleachers.

 

“Don’t be an idiot,” Grizz said.

 

“Trust me, this works every time,” Clark winked.

 

“I assure you, it doesn’t. Seriously dude, just fucking drop it,” Grizz sat up, and then he was on his feet. He really wasn’t in the mood for this. His feelings were confusing him enough as it was and he didn’t need his friends interfering, even if they didn’t exactly know what they were interfering with.

 

“Nope, too late,” Clark said, and then he threw the ball. Grizz watched as it flew right into the stands and landed with a crash between Becca and Sam, knocking their homework to the ground.

 

“You’re such a fucking tool,” Grizz seethed at Clark. He seriously didn’t know when enough was enough.

 

“Okay guys, just calm down. I’ll go get the stupid ball,” Luke said.

 

“No wait,” Grizz stopped him, “I’ll go.” Because honestly, it was a chance to talk to Sam, right?

 

“That’s my boy,” Clark said proudly with his award-winning grin.

 

“Shut the fuck up, dickface,” Grizz said through gritted teeth.

 

Grizz didn’t look back as he headed over to Sam and Becca. His heart picked up with every step he took. Sam had the ball. He didn’t look mad. That was a plus, right? Grizz looked at Becca. She just sat back with a cheeky grin on her face. It wasn’t until Grizz got right up to them did he realize he wasn’t wearing his damn shirt.

 

Sam tossed the ball to Grizz and it almost hit him in the face because the ball was the last thing he was paying attention to. His gaze fell onto Sam’s bright blue eyes.

 

‘Sorry,’ Grizz signed. Thank God for learning the basics.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam spoke while he signed, and Grizz followed the movements of his hands because the way Sam communicated was so captivating to Grizz, and it wasn’t even because it was sign language. No, it was because it was how _Sam_ talked. It was just Sam. And fuck, Sam’s hands. How could Grizz be attracted to hands?

 

Grizz glanced at Becca because honestly? She was being fucking distracting. She kept trying to subtly nod at Grizz and sign to him without Sam noticing. She wanted him to ask Sam. Grizz swallowed hard. Alright, maybe he could do this. He wasn’t asking him to be his boyfriend or anything. It was just sign language lessons. Completely innocent and not suspicious at all.

 

“Oh uhm…Sam,” Grizz spoke and looked at the boy to make sure he was watching him. “I, uh, I was wondering if…”

 

Grizz looked down at his own hands and slowly signed the phrase Becca had taught him. ‘Can you teach me how to sign?’ He added a ‘please’ for good measure. When Grizz looked back up and saw Sam had his head tilted to the side with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Grizz felt like an idiot and just wanted to take it all back.

 

“It’s cool if you don’t have time or whatever. I’m sure there’s an app or a book I can get,” Grizz spoke quickly.

 

“Slow down,” Sam said as he stared at Grizz’s lips, “I can teach you. But why? You going deaf?”

 

Sam was teasing him. _Sam was fucking teasing him._ Grizz’s heart swelled to ten times it’s size.

 

“No, I’m not,” Grizz held back a smile, “I just um…” want to talk to you in your language. Want to get to know you. Want to spend time with you. Want to grab your face and kiss you until neither of us have enough oxygen in our lungs. None of that came out of Grizz’s mouth though. “My cousin is deaf and he’s coming to town so I just want to learn.”

 

Becca rolled her eyes before shooting Grizz a glare. It was a look that Grizz returned to her, hoping Sam wouldn’t notice.

 

“Oh, okay,” Sam nodded.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll teach you,” Sam smiled.

 

“Wow, really?” Grizz couldn’t believe it, “okay, okay cool, uh, when are you free?”

 

“Well…what afternoon don’t you have football practice or clubs?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz thought about it then swore under his breath before shaking his head.

 

“What about Sunday? Or…no? That’s dumb. You’re probably busy,” Grizz said.

 

“Sunday is fine. Where do you wanna meet. Yours?” Sam asked.

 

“No!” Grizz said a little too quickly. Taking the gay boy he had a crush on to his house while his homophobic parents were there? No way in hell. “Uh, how about your place? If that’s cool?”

 

“Sure, mine,” Sam nodded.

 

“Great! It’s a date,” Grizz said and then his eyes went wide and his chest filled with dread when he realized what he said, “uh I mean, not a date. I mean, it’s a date in the calendar technically, but uh, that’s, uh…”

 

Becca snickered next to Sam and Grizz realized he couldn’t dig himself out of this one. He just hoped Sam hadn’t caught on to his real intentions. And what the fuck were his real intentions? His plan wasn’t to date! That was meant for college. And yet, there he was, trying to spend time with Sam.

 

“I gotta go. Get my number off Becca and text me a time and your address, okay?” Grizz asked, because he was dying and couldn’t hang around to make more of an idiot of himself.

 

“Sure, Grizz,” Sam spoke, and Grizz just gave him a small smile

 

Grizz went back over to his friends and in true _them_ fashion, they teased him, but congratulated him on talking to Becca. They slapped him on the back and ruffled his hair, but Grizz couldn’t even care enough to get upset over it, because on Sunday he was going to hang out with Sam, at his house, maybe even in _his room_ , and Grizz couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.

 

\---

 

Sunday couldn’t come fast enough. Grizz was absolutely buzzing. A mixture of nerves and excitement swirled around in his stomach and twice on the way over he thought he was going to throw up. He couldn’t back out now. He already sent Sam a text saying he was on his way.

 

Grizz stood on the front porch step, trying to calm his nerves. He wondered if this was how everyone else acted when they were going on a first date with someone they actually liked. Then again, this wasn’t a date. This was just a lesson. The nerve-riddled boy went to knock on the door but thought better of it. There were no cars in the driveway so Sam’s parents probably weren’t home and Sam couldn’t exactly hear a knock on the door. Instead, Grizz took his phone out and sent a quick text saying he was out front.

 

The seconds felt like hours but sure enough, Sam eventually swung the door open. Grizz’s breath caught in his throat, because Sam looked so much more casual just standing there in front of him than when they were at school, if possible. He was barefoot and wearing sweats and a hoodie. He looked so soft that Grizz wanted to cuddle him so badly. He had to tell himself not to.

 

“Hi,” Grizz let out the breath he was holding.

 

“Hey,” Sam smiled, and Grizz died. “Come on. Come in.”

 

 _Act cool_ , Grizz told himself. And with that, he took another deep breath and followed Sam into the house. He took his shoes off at the front door and left them neatly beside the other few pairs there as Sam had just told him too, and then he followed Sam, staring at his auburn hair as they walked down a hallway towards a set of stairs.

 

“Hey!” a familiar voice called out.

 

Grizz froze, and upon noticing Grizz had stopped walking, Sam stopped too and looked at him with his usual questioning tilt of his head. Grizz turned to the room where the voice came from and sitting there on the couch was Sam’s brother, Campbell. Grizz felt a little stupid because he didn’t even consider that Campbell would be there. The brothers were so different that sometimes everyone forgot that they were just that; brothers.

 

“Hey Campbell,” Grizz said, a little less happy now.

 

Campbell had his arm slung over a girl’s shoulder. Grizz knew her from school. Her name was Elle. They had English class together and tended to pair up whenever they needed to pick partners because Grizz loved English class and needed to pair himself with someone that wasn’t a complete moron. Grizz liked Elle. He didn’t even know she was dating Campbell. Now that Grizz thought about it, Campbell and Elle both hung out with Harry and the rest of the rich kid group. Elle had never talked to Grizz about Campbell before though.

 

“Hey Elle,” Grizz smiled at her.

 

She opened her mouth to speak but Campbell beat her to it, “Grizz, what the fuck’s up, dude?”

 

“Not a lot. We’re just working on a project,” Grizz said, and he hoped Sam didn’t question him on the white lie. He just didn’t want Campbell to know the truth. Grizz had always gotten such a weird vibe from Campbell. It was like the atmosphere always darkened whenever he was in the room. Elle seemed smart and sweet. Grizz didn’t get why she’d go for a guy like that.

 

“You guys are dating?” Grizz asked before he could stop himself.

 

“Three months now, isn’t that right, baby?” Campbell flashed a toothy grin.

 

Elle looked down at her fingernails and squirmed next to Campbell. She nodded though and gave a small smile. Maybe Grizz was looking into this too much. Just because he got bad vibes from the guy, didn’t mean he was bad. Grizz didn’t really know the guy that well. They were just acquaintances that went to all the same parties. It was just one incident that made up Grizz’s mind about him.

 

Grizz remembered the time in sophomore year at one of Harry’s famous parties where Campbell tried to drown a stray cat in Harry’s pool in the middle of winter. Everyone thought Campbell was just drunk and the cat lived, so they thought nothing of it, but Grizz was the one that fished the struggling cat out of the pool and took it inside. Grizz was the one who wrapped the cat in a towel and blanket before sitting by the fire for the rest of the night until he was sure it was okay. Grizz was the one who took the cat home because he became attached to it and didn’t want another person like Campbell to hurt it again. Grizz was also the one who ended up giving the cat to Gwen because his parents wouldn’t let him have a pet.

 

Grizz tried not to hate people, but that night he hated Campbell, and he still didn’t trust him. Grizz was so zoned out that he didn’t realize Campbell asked him something until everyone went quiet.

 

“What?” Grizz asked.

 

“I said,” Campbell repeated, “you drew the short straw being paired with the gay deaf kid, right?”

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head. There was no room for argument. Grizz had never said the word ‘no’ with such conviction in his entire life. Campbell just smirked at him.

 

Sensing that Sam was uncomfortable next to him, Grizz didn’t let the conversation continue. Instead, he took Sam by the wrist and tugged him away from the scene. Grizz lead the quiet boy up the stairs because, well, he didn’t really know where else they could go where Campbell wouldn’t bother them.

 

“Uh, which one’s your room?” Grizz asked, but when he looked at Sam, Sam was looking down at the ground like a wounded puppy, and Grizz just couldn’t have that. Without thinking too much, he brought his fingers to Sam’s chin and made him look up. Sam’s eyes fell to Grizz’s lips, and it took a moment for Grizz to realize that was because he needed to see what he was saying.

 

“Uhm, s-sorry,” Grizz dropped his hand, “I asked which one is your room?”

 

Sam didn’t speak. He just nodded for Grizz to follow him, so he did. The two boys headed to the end of the hallway and went through the last door. When it shut behind them, Grizz felt himself relax just a little. Only a fraction. He still had nerves bubbling up inside him.

 

“Well, this is my room,” Sam spoke.

 

Grizz nodded and looked around in wonder. There was nothing particularly special about the room. It was average, maybe a little small. Neat, but not too neat. There were still a lot of signs of a teenager living there, like the pile of clothes at the floor by the door, and the five empty glasses on the desk in the far corner by the window. His bed looked like a queen size and Grizz had to quickly push away his teenage hormones because, well, _Sam’s bed._

 

Grizz turned back to Sam and made sure he was looking at him before speaking again, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to just assume we’d come in here.”

 

“Here is fine. Better than where my brother can bother us,” Sam shrugged.

 

“Is he always like that?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam didn’t say anything, and Grizz didn’t want to push it or make him any more upset. Grizz just went back to looking around Sam’s room and probably being a little nosy, but he was so starved for information about Sam that he wanted to soak up everything.

 

Grizz took note of the collage of photographs pinned to a corkboard. Most of them were of Sam and Becca. It was cute, but Grizz felt a little sad because _he_ wanted to be in those pictures with Sam. It was thoughts like those that made Grizz feel like his crush was getting a little out of hand. After all, he still didn’t really know Sam.

 

Grizz’s eyes landed on the bookshelf and he went straight over, taking note of everything there. Sam liked romance novels, it seemed. Grizz was more into the philosophical stuff that really made him think about life, but romance novels were alright too. At least Sam picked good authors. There was one questionable book there though. Grizz picked it out and showed it to Sam.

 

“Fifty shades?” he asked.

 

“It’s not what you think. It’s Becca’s,” Sam laughed.

 

“Sure it is,” Grizz grinned and put the book back.

 

“I swear it is,” Sam said.

 

Grizz just nodded, keeping his back turned to Sam, because Grizz was blushing. His cheeks were on fire just at the thought of Sam reading a book like that. Grizz really had to keep it together and think of something else. He distracted himself by looking at the movie posters on the wall. Sam was into superheroes. Grizz noted that down on his mental list of ‘things I now know about Sam’.

 

Turning back to Sam, Grizz noticed him sitting on the bed, cross legged. He wondered if he was supposed to sit down too, and as if he read Grizz’s mind, Sam tapped the mattress in front of him. Without a word, Grizz went and sat in front of Sam, crossed-legged as well, and waited for Sam to do or say something.

 

“So first of all, I know I talk funny so if you can’t understand something just tell me,” Sam said.

 

“Oh, no, no. You sound fine,” Grizz argued. Fine was an understatement because Sam’s voice was the best thing Grizz had ever heard.  

 

“I don’t,” Sam shook his head.

 

“How would you know? You can’t hear,” Grizz said and he meant it as a joke, but for a split second his heart stopped because fuck. _That wasn’t fucking funny._

And then Sam laughed. His head flung back and he laughed like Grizz was the funniest person alive. Grizz smiled back at him. He needed to see that laugh again and again. Feeling a bit more relaxed now, Grizz decided to get to the lesson.

 

“Anyway, how are we gonna do this?” Grizz asked.

 

“Well, what exactly do you want to know?” Sam questioned as he leaned forward a little.

 

“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe start with the basics like, hi, how are you, I’m great, thanks for asking,” Grizz said, even though Becca already taught him all of that. But, if they started from square one then they’d have to spend more time together learning, right? Sam smiled and nodded before shuffling a little closer so their knees were almost touching. Almost.

 

For the next little while, Sam taught Grizz the basics of sign language. They went through the alphabet. Grizz learnt how to sign Sam’s name, and Grizz watched in curiosity as Sam signed Grizz’s name. After that they went on to greetings, asking how people were, how to answer that. Sam taught him helpful phrases. Funny phrases. He even taught him a couple of swear words just for fun.

 

They pretty much covered everything Becca taught Grizz, only this time Grizz felt like he was soaking everything up quicker. Why? Because Sam was so freaking captivating. Grizz couldn’t take his eyes off him and was hanging off every word. After a while though, they got distracted and ended up just talking, not even about anything in particular. Just school, their friends, a movie Sam had a poster of in his room, books, their hobbies.

 

They talked about their families, even though Grizz let Sam take control of that topic because Grizz didn’t want to ruin the high he was feeling by bringing up his parents. Sam didn’t speak of Campbell. He just told Grizz of how loving and supportive his parents were and instead of feeling jealous, Grizz was happy for him.

 

Grizz found out so many things. Sam liked superhero and action movies. He liked comic books. He was a sucker for romance novels. He loved animals even though his family had never owned a pet before. He liked camping, which interested Grizz so damn much because he himself fucking _loved_ camping and all he could think about now was getting Sam to go on a trip with him.

 

“It’s so hard to find other people our age who like camping. It’s like everyone panics at the thought of no technology or electricity like it’s going to be the end of the world,” Grizz said.

 

“I know. Are you going on the school trip?” Sam asked.

 

It took Grizz a moment to realize what Sam was talking about because he almost forgot about the upcoming school camping trip. It was supposed to teach everyone about survival and the environment around us, but really it was more of a bonding trip for juniors and seniors.

 

“Yeah, I am. I almost forgot about it,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s gonna be fun,” Sam smiled.

 

Grizz nodded but didn’t say anything. All he was thinking was that, yeah, it’ll be fun, especially knowing that Sam would be there, but Grizz knew he’d be stuck with Jason, Clark and Luke the whole time.

 

“Anyway, it’s really cool you’re doing this, by the way,” Sam said with a fond smile, changing the topic for the umpteenth time.

 

‘What do you mean?’ Grizz signed, probably fucking it up, but Sam got what he meant.

 

“Not many people go out of their way to learn ASL. Your cousin is lucky,” Sam said.

 

Right, his cousin. Grizz felt bad about the lie. He was in Sam’s room under false pretences and he hoped if Sam ever found out the truth that he wouldn’t be mad. Hell, Grizz wouldn’t be angry at Sam if Sam ever lied to spend time with him.

 

“You’re a really good teacher,” Grizz said, wanting to get the conversation away from his fake cousin.

 

Sam shrugged, “it’s my life.”

 

“Have you always been…you know?”

 

“Deaf?” Sam finished with a smile, “you can say it, you know.”

 

“Right, sorry,” Grizz smiled back at him, “have you always been deaf?”

 

“Since I was four,” Sam nodded. He signed as he spoke and Grizz watched his hands move, still trying to take it in.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Meningitis.”

 

“Fuck man.” Grizz didn’t think it was fair. For a kid to go through something like that? The world was cruel sometimes. The thought of little four-year-old Sam being sick had Grizz’s eyes welling up with unshed tears. Sometimes Grizz really hated how emotional he could get. He swallowed down the lump in his throat.

 

“I’m lucky, Grizz. It could have been a lot worse,” Sam reached out and put his hand on Grizz’s knee, giving it a comforting squeeze.

 

“I’m glad it wasn’t,” Grizz whispered.

 

“Me too.”

 

Grizz looked down at the hand that was still on his knee, and a second later Sam slowly let his hand drop to the bed instead. Grizz missed the warmth. He didn’t want to dwell on the gesture though so he looked up at Sam again.

 

“Was it hard learning sign language as a kid?” he asked.

 

Sam shook his head, “No. I barely remember, but kids catch on to these things quickly.”

 

“Quicker than I’m getting it at least,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re the smartest guy in your grade. I think you’ll be fine,” Sam rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m not,” Grizz shook his head, because he knew that grades didn’t have anything to do with someone’s intelligence, and Grizz did a lot of stupid things sometimes. “Anyway, can we go over the alphabet again?”

 

Sam nodded and raised one hand. Grizz raised his too and held his hand out closer to Sam’s so he could try and mirror all his movements. Sam started from the beginning and Grizz was doing pretty well too, up until they got to the letter ‘P’ and Sam smiled, shaking his head.

 

“What? What’d I do?” Grizz couldn’t help but smile back because honestly? Sam’s smile was infectious.

 

“Like this,” Sam spoke, and then he was touching Grizz’s hand. Sam guided each of Grizz’s fingers to where they were supposed to be, but Grizz wasn’t paying attention to that, because Sam was _touching his hand_ and it took everything in Grizz’s power to not lace their fingers together.

 

Sam realized somewhere along the way that Grizz wasn’t paying attention anymore. When he looked up, Grizz’s eyes locked with baby blue ones. Grizz thought that maybe his crush on Sam didn’t have to be so one sided. All this afternoon taught Grizz was that he really, really liked everything about Sam. They spent hours just talking to one another and the conversation flowed so smoothly. Maybe this wasn’t all in Grizz’s head.

 

“Project, huh?” the voice came from the door and it made Grizz pull his hand away from Sam’s like he just touched a hot stove.

 

Campbell was standing there, door wide open. And what? When the fuck did that happen? Grizz didn’t know whether to be pissed off that Campbell interrupted them, or terrified about what Cambpell could have thought was going on.

 

“He’s teaching me sign language because I have a deaf cousin,” Grizz rushed the words out.

 

“Sure,” Campbell nodded. He didn’t believe Grizz.

 

“What do you want, Campbell?” Sam sighed. Grizz glanced at him then back at Campbell.

 

“Mom called. You’re cooking dinner tonight,” Campbell said. An obvious lie, but Sam didn’t argue it. The two brothers just stared at each other, and the tension in the room was even thicker than it was before Campbell so rudely ruined their lesson.

 

“I should go,” Grizz said, standing up off the bed.

 

“No, please stay. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” Campbell’s voice was menacing and Grizz hated him. He hated him for walking in. He hated the way he spoke to Sam. He hated the way he was speaking to him now. And he hated what he did to that cat!

 

“It’s getting late,” Grizz turned, making sure Sam was watching him, “School tomorrow and all. Uhm…I’ll see you soon?”

 

Sam nodded, then Grizz turned his back completely to Campbell so he couldn’t see what he was saying. Grizz half signed what he knew but mouthed the words silently to Sam. ‘I had fun. Also, your brother’s a dick. Text me if you need anything.’

 

Sam smiled and nodded, then Grizz turned back to Campbell who was still leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. When Grizz went to leave, Campbell didn’t move.

 

“You know he’s a fag, right?” Campbell said, and Grizz wanted to punch him. He was a strong believer in violence not being the answer, but Grizz wanted to knock Campbell out in that second. Instead, he took a deep breath and calmed himself down.

 

“Can you move?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m just saying, dude. You wouldn’t want people getting the wrong idea,” Campbell said as he stepped to the side, and the fact that Sam couldn’t see what his idiotic brother was saying was the only thing stopping Grizz from retaliating.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” was all Grizz said before pushing past Campbell.   

 

Grizz was torn between wanting to go back upstairs to stay with Sam, and wanting to get as far away from Campbell as possible. Since he would look like an idiot by going back up there, he picked the latter option. He slid his shoes back on and left the house.

 

It was getting darker outside as the sun set. The cool nights were as cold as ever since winter didn’t seem to be giving them a break any time soon. At least it didn’t snow here. Grizz was glad his house was only a couple blocks away from Sam’s. He was about to head in the direction of his home when he happened to glance the other way down the street. He saw a girl with familiar blonde hair walking away.

 

“Elle! Hey, Elle!” Grizz called out without a second thought. Elle didn’t stop or turn to him. Grizz thought maybe she couldn’t hear him, so he ran after her. “Hey, it’s getting dark. Let me walk you home.”

 

Still, Elle didn’t stop. She didn’t even look at Grizz when he fell into step next to her, and when he looked at her face, he realized why. Tears streaked her perfectly porcelain skin and her nose was red.

 

“Oh hey, hey,” Grizz stood in front of her, making her stop walking, “what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” she shook her head, tucking her hair behind her ear hastily.

 

“Did he do something to you?” Grizz asked. He really didn’t get a good feeling about Campbell.

 

“No, nothing. It was…nothing. I was just a dumb fight,” she sounded like a little mouse, her voice a barely there squeak. This wasn’t the Elle Grizz was used to in English class.

 

“Are you sure?” Grizz asked sceptically.

 

“What do you want from me, Grizz? It’s not like we’re friends. Nobody’s my-,” she stopped, shaking her head. Grizz’s heart broke as Elle wiped the tears from her eyes. Now that Grizz thought about it, before Elle started hanging out with Campbell and Harry’s group, she used to sit by herself at lunch. Grizz asked her once to sit with his friends, but she rejected the offer, saying something about Helena not liking her.

 

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Grizz said sincerely.

 

“Whatever, I’m fine. Really,” Elle shrugged. Grizz didn’t buy it, but he did drop it, for now.

 

“Can I walk you home?” he asked.

 

“I live like twenty minutes in the opposite direction of you,” Elle pointed out.

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

Elle chewed on the inside of her cheek, then glanced back at Sam and Campbell’s house. No one was in sight. She turned back to Grizz and nodded, “Fine. Thank you.”


	3. Beards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 recap: Gwen kissed Grizz. Becca played wing-woman between Grizz and Sam. Grizz took his shirt off and the mental images made us all collectively die. Grizz and Sam had a 'learning ASL' not-date. Campbell was a dick. Grizz was worried about Elle.

The next day at school, Grizz made a beeline for the table Sam and Becca always sat at. They had other friends, sure, but ninety per cent of the time whenever Grizz was not so subtly staring at Sam, it was just Sam and Becca. That day, Becca was on her own. Grizz would’ve just waited until he found Sam, but he was a little impatient and really had to talk to him.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said when he got to Becca. He sat on the bench across the table from her, and she looked up, a little surprised to see him there.

 

“Hey, Grizz. What are you doing here?” she asked.

 

“I’m looking for Sam. Is he around?” Grizz asked.

 

“Mr. Dias kept him back but he should be here in a minute,” Becca closed the book she had been reading and watched Grizz intently, “so…how was your sign language study date?”

 

“Don’t say it like that,” Grizz said, because he was blushing already and he wasn’t used to someone knowing he was into guys. “You know, I don’t get how you figured it out so easily. I’ve kept this secret since I figured it out in sixth grade.”

 

“You’ve liked Sam since sixth grade?” Becca’s smile got even wider.

 

“No,” Grizz snorted, “No…I thought Clark was cute.”

 

“Clark? Really?” Becca laughed.

 

“I know, I know.”

 

“So what happened there?”

 

“He started talking,” Grizz shrugged, “a pretty face means nothing if I can’t connect with someone.”

 

“And you connect with Sam?” her voice was quieter. Grizz glanced around and spotted his friends a couple tables away. Jason and Clark were looking at him with knowing smiles. The thing was, they knew nothing.

 

“I don’t know yet. Maybe,” Grizz said because honestly, he was trying so hard to push his feelings down. He had been pining from afar for so long and just talking to Sam the day before made his heart beat so dam fast. He had to try and slow things down because he knew he was getting ahead of himself and he had no clue if Sam was interested or not. Grizz didn’t even know if he had it in him to date a boy anyway. It was all some unobtainable fantasy.

 

“So, uhm…did uh, did Sam say anything about yesterday?” Grizz tried to sound casual. He really did.

 

Becca’s lips tugged up before she put on a straight face and shrugged.

 

“What? Did he say something?” Grizz asked quickly.

 

“I dunno,” Becca lied.

 

“That’s not fair,” Grizz narrowed his eyes at her.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Also, your friends are staring at us,” Becca nodded to the left.

 

“Yeah, about that…” Grizz sighed, “don’t, like, freak out or anything, but my friends kind of think I like you.”

 

“Right, so I’m a beard then,” she scoffed.

 

“Definitely not. I’m not the beard type of person. I was just giving you a heads up in case Jason, Clark or Luke say something,” Grizz said quickly.

 

Becca opened her mouth to speak but then looked past Grizz and waved. Grizz turned and saw Sam coming towards them. Honestly, Grizz found it a little harder to breathe whenever Sam was near. Today was no different.

 

“Grizz?” Sam spoke as he sat next to Becca, “what are you doing here?”

 

“I need to talk to you about something,” Grizz answered.

 

“Do you want me to go?” Becca asked.

 

Grizz was going to say yes, but he knew his friends were watching and he knew there would be questions if he ended up by himself with Sam. Maybe Becca really _was_ a beard. Grizz suddenly felt so weak and pathetic. He wished he didn’t feel like this at the thought of people finding out about him, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“No, it’s fine, I guess,” Grizz mumbled.

 

“What’s going on? I feel like I missed something,” Sam spoke and signed. Grizz really wished he could sign well.

 

“You didn’t miss anything. I just want to ask you about Campbell and Elle,” Grizz said. His gaze flicked over to where Elle and Campbell were sitting with Campbell’s friends. They looked like a normal couple, happy even, but Grizz didn’t get a good feeling.

 

“What about them?” Sam asked with a tilt of his head.

 

“I just…look, it may be nothing, but do you ever get weird vibes from them? Or does Campbell ever say anything about their relationship?” Grizz asked.

 

“Campbell hates me. I rarely see them together,” Sam said.

 

“Did something happen?” Becca asked.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe. When I left yesterday, I caught up with Elle and she was really upset, like she was crying,” Grizz said, and even as the words left his mouth, he knew he sounded paranoid, but he couldn’t ignore the feeling in his gut.

 

“Relationships can be hard. They probably just got into a stupid fight,” Becca said.

 

“Maybe,” Grizz said and looked at Sam, “what do you think?”

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip and Grizz looked into his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking. Sam looked concerned, maybe. Grizz couldn’t read him.

 

“Like Becca said, it was hopefully just a dumb fight,” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz kept watching him. _Hopefully_ just a dumb fight. Hopefully? What else could it be? Grizz’s gut instinct had the answer, but his head thought that maybe he was being crazy and his previously conceived perception of Campbell was making him think things were worse than they actually were.

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Grizz gave up, “anyway, my friends are waiting, but Sam, I’ll see you at environmental committee this afternoon?”

 

“Can’t wait,” Sam sounded cheerier.

 

Grizz smiled before standing up. He gave Becca a little nod and then headed over to his friends, and as he did, Grizz wondered if he was also friends with Sam now, and if he was then he decided that was a good thing, and probably all that Grizz would ever get out of Sam. At least he would get to know the boy better.

 

Grizz sat at the table beside Luke and everyone went quiet. He knew they had just been talking about him. Clark and Jason were across the table snickering to each other and Grizz couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

 

“Don’t you guys have anything else to talk about?” Grizz said.

 

“Don’t be like that, Grizz,” Helena said, “we just think you and Becca is actually kind of cute.”

 

“Hardly,” Gwen muttered under her breath, and Grizz didn’t know if the others heard it. He looked up at Gwen who was directly across from him, next to Jason, but Jason was too busy shoving food in his face now to pay attention to her, but Grizz saw the look on Gwen’s face. She looked bitter as she stabbed at her food with a fork.

 

“Hey,” Grizz whispered. He tapped her shoe under table and she looked up, a little startled. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” She shrugged.

 

 _I don’t know, Gwen,_ Grizz thought to himself, _maybe because you kissed me and now things are fucking weird._

 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?” It was Clark that spoke. He was looking back at forth between Grizz and Gwen, and Grizz felt guilty. He knew he didn’t want that kiss from Gwen but if Clark found out, Grizz didn’t think he’d listen to his argument.

 

“She’s just quiet, that’s all,” Grizz said and turned his attention from Gwen back to the group.

 

“So,” Jason said, speaking through the fries inhabiting his mouth, “Becca and you is like a thing now?”

 

“Not really,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“Why the fuck not?” Jason sputtered as he shoved more fries in his face.

 

“Because it’s not, and dude, slow down or you’re gonna make yourself sick or choke,” Grizz said.

 

“Yes, mom,” Jason rolled his eyes.

 

Grizz was over the conversation. He didn’t want to keep pretending that he was into Becca, because damn it, he wasn’t going to have a _beard_. He understood why a lot of gay guys did have beards but that wasn’t what Grizz wanted. He wondered if the girls he slept with at parties counted. He supposed they did. After all, only slept with them so people wouldn’t question him about his sexuality.

 

 _Fuck._ He felt like a loser. All he wanted to do was go and ask Sam out on a date, but it was so complicated with his parents and not to mention the religious nuts that lived in this town. There were people like Helena who were good people and he knew wouldn’t have a problem with him, but Grizz had been to church a total of two times in his entire life and some of the people he met there wouldn’t be so accepting.

 

Grizz tried to forget about it because it was only lunch time and he really didn’t want to get into a depressed mood like he often did when he thought of being in the closet. It wouldn’t be long until school was over, he’s be in college, and he could finally have a bit of freedom.

 

“Did you guys see Miss Morgan put up the camping trip buddy sign ups?” Luke asked.

 

“Buddies? What are we, twelve?” Helena asked.

 

“That’s how they treat us. As if they think everyone’s _really_ going to stay in their own tents,” Gwen said.

 

“Maybe they’ll put a teacher on patrol this year at night, make sure no one’s sneaking around,” Grizz added.

 

“We’ll find a way,” Luke said, and turned to Grizz, “speaking of which, I signed us up as partners. Helena and Gwen are together. I figure once the teachers aren’t paying attention, Gwen and I can swap. That cool?”

 

Grizz glanced up at Gwen. Sharing a tent with Gwen just because Luke couldn’t spend one damn night away from Helena? Grizz was actually jealous that he didn’t have someone he could sneak out to. Grizz had always been so jealous of Luke and Helena. They found each other so easily and were always so cute together. It actually made Grizz a little sick sometimes.

 

“Yeah, whatever,” Grizz said when he realized he had been quiet for too long.

 

“Thanks man,” Luke slapped Grizz’s shoulder and smiled wide. Grizz just nodded.

 

Grizz looked down at the wrapped-up sandwich that he didn’t even remember taking out of his bag. He didn’t even feel hungry anymore. He had this hollow pit of loneliness in his stomach. He hated when he got this way.

 

Grizz’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He frowned because the only people that ever really messaged him were already sitting at the table. He took it out of his pocket and saw that it was Clark.

 

 **Wtf is going on with u n Gwen??** – Clark.

 

 _Jesus fucking Christ._ Grizz was not in the mood for this. He liked his friends, he did, but it was times like these when he was reminded of the reason why he wasn’t going to look back once he left for college.

 

 **What are you talking about?** – Grizz.

 

 **The looks. Ur both being weird. –** Clark.

 

 **There are no looks. You’re my friend. I wouldn’t do that to you.** – Grizz.

 

 **Promise nothin will happen on the trip.** – Clark.

 

 _I’m gay. I’m gay. I’M FUCKING GAY._ Grizz wanted to scream. But, he didn’t. He replied calmly, and not like he wanted to throw his phone at Clark’s head.

 

 **Promise**. – Grizz.

 

 **BROES BEFORE HOES!! –** Clark.

 

Clark could be an idiot sometimes and he could see why Gwen broke up with him, especially if he went around calling girls hoes. Grizz rolled his eyes and didn’t bother replying. In fact, he couldn’t be bothered being at that table right now.

 

“There’s a book I wanna get at the library, so I’ll catch you guys later,” Grizz said as he stood up.

 

“Later, nerd,” Jason spoke, and the others had nicer farewells, but Grizz just responded to them with a wave of his hand. He just wanted to get out of there.

 

As he left the noisy cafeteria, Grizz felt the tension in his muscles leave. He thought it was so fucking stupid that he was in the closet to avoid drama, but at the same time there was all this drama because everyone thought he either liked Becca or Gwen. He just couldn’t win. All he wanted to do was keep flying under the radar like he always had.

 

“Grizz, hey Grizz! Wait up, I’ll walk with you,” the all too familiar voice of Gwen called after Grizz in the hallway. He spun around and he wanted to scream when he saw her chasing after him.

 

“What the fuck are you doing, Gwen?” he snapped.

 

“What? I need to go to the bathroom. It’s this way,” Gwen looked at Grizz like he was insane. Maybe he was.

 

“You can’t just follow me like that,” Grizz sighed, “Clark thinks we’re into each other.”

 

“So?”

 

“So…” Grizz trailed off. He didn’t have anything for that. There was nothing going on between the two of them and if Clark thought there was then that was his problem. The two of them weren’t even together anymore!

 

“You’re not still freaking out about that dumb kiss, are you? Because it was just a joke,” Gwen said.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Grizz nodded, and he started walking again with Gwen by his side.

 

“We all know who you’d rather be kissing though,” Gwen teased.

 

“Don’t-“

 

“What’s so special about her anyway? I mean, why Becca?” she asked. Grizz hated this.

 

“It’s not even a thing,” he sighed, “I don’t even want to date in high school, like at all.” He hoped Gwen would get the message.

 

“So, you’ll date in college then?” she asked.

 

“Probably.”

 

“Or will you see someone sooner like a Summer fling?” she asked, and honestly it was getting on Grizz’s nerves that she was so interested in his love life.

 

“I don’t know, Gwen,” Grizz snapped, harshly. He stopped walking and so did Gwen. She looked up at Grizz and it was like he just kicked a puppy.  

 

“Alright, I’m sorry,” she said softly, “I’ll just, uhm, bathroom.”

 

She walked off towards the girl’s bathroom and Grizz felt like shit.

 

“Gwen, Gwen, wait,” Grizz called after her, but she had already disappeared.

 

 _Fuck._ All Grizz wanted to do today was plant some damn trees with Sam that afternoon, but all he ended up doing was hurt one of his friends. For the first time, Grizz considered actually telling someone that he’s gay. He was going to tell Gwen. At least then he could squash the crush she had on him and maybe make her feel a bit better about Grizz not liking her back.

 

The thing was, Grizz stood there outside the girl’s bathroom and Gwen was in there for a while. It was long enough for Grizz to talk himself out of it and continue on down the hallway towards the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. It means the world. And sorry this wasn't as long as previous chapters. I just really wanted to get something out and I won't be able to write for a few days. Also I have a question. I'm thinking of maybe doing some in Sam's POV but I'm not sure if that will disrupt the flow of the story. Like I want to write Sam's POV of shirtless Grizz on the football field, and maybe Sam talking to Becca about Grizz after their first sign language lesson. Just cute snippets like that, but I don't know if I should post a random chapter, or like every few chapters make one in Sam's POV telling the past few chapters from his POV?? or write a separate companion piece sort of thing. Help???


	4. Water fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 recap: Grizz quizzed Sam about Elle and Campbell's relationship. Gwen was obvious about her crush on Grizz and Clark was not impressed. Grizz is over it all.

Grizz needed environmental committee. He really did. After Gwen followed him out of the cafeteria, it only made Clark all the more suspicious and in their next class together, all Clark did was interrogate Grizz. Grizz almost told him what Gwen did, but he didn’t want to get Gwen into any sort of trouble, even though Clark didn’t have a say in anything the girl did anymore.

 

Grizz really didn’t like drama at all, so he needed his nature time where he could just relax and forget about life. When he made his way out to the courtyard by the science buildings and saw none of his own friends, he was relieved. The only people he recognized were Sam, and two others, Gordie and Kelly who were friends of Sam’s. Grizz’s heart sank a little. He kind of hoped Sam wouldn’t have any friends here so he’d be stuck with Grizz.

 

Grizz was a little late and it looked like Ms. Chan was already half way through her speech about how important the environment was and what they were going to be doing over the next few weeks. Grizz stood next to Sam and gave him a wave when he got his attention. Sam smiled, and then started signing to him, but Grizz wasn’t sure what he said.

 

‘I’m what?’ Grizz signed back. He hoped he was doing it right. He had been practicing and trying to learn more all last night after he left Sam.

 

Sam smiled again and signed each letter of the word ‘late’. Grizz nodded slowly in understanding, happy to have actually understood, before spelling out ‘Mr. Dias’ to Sam, because Mr. Dias loved keeping students back, usually to praise them on their latest assignment which was what Grizz had to stay back for today.

 

“You’ve been practising,” Sam leant in and whispered. Grizz’s heart skipped a beat because, well, Sam was really close to him _and_ praising him. He felt warm all over and could only nod.

 

“Gareth!” Ms. Chan spoke and Grizz jumped at the sound of his real name, “since yourself and Sam seem to be so chummy already, you can be my first pair. You’re on watering duties. Come here.”

 

Grizz wanted to kiss Ms. Chan for pairing him with Sam, even if it seemed like she was doing it out of spite. Grizz glanced at Sam who hadn’t been watching Ms. Chan.

 

“She’s talking to us,” Grizz signed and spoke, even though he was pretty sure he was making up half of what he signed, but Sam understood anyway.

 

Grizz headed towards the front of the small group and Sam followed. Ms. Chan was standing there with her clipboard as she marked off their names.

 

“Alright, you’re on watering duties today. There’s the hose there,” she pointed to the ground, “it is obviously portable. You can connect it to any faucet around the school grounds. Please be wary of wasting water and only use what you need and only on plants you know need it. Gareth, I trust you know which ones need it.”

 

Grizz did know. He loved biology class and Ms. Chan was his teacher, so she knew it too. Grizz wondered if she realized watering the gardens was a one person job, but he wouldn’t bring that up. He got to spend time with Sam and he was over the moon.

 

“You know it Ms. C.” Grizz said before picking up the hose. He nodded for Sam to follow him and they left the group. There weren’t that many people around. It was after school and most clubs and committees were indoors, so other than the couple of sporting ones, the environmental committee members were the only ones outside.

 

“So that’s all we do? Just water plants?” Sam asked.

 

“For today, at least. It’s important to keep them healthy,” Grizz said.

 

“Trees are good, after all,” Sam said, and it took Grizz a moment to realize he was making fun of him for what he said when they were first signing up.

 

“Yeah, yes,” Grizz nodded, “trees are good.”

 

Grizz felt a little more relaxed talking to Sam now. He was still a nervous bundle of energy but he felt like he could actually use his words now instead of stutter and stare at him like a complete moron. It helped Grizz a little knowing he would never actually act on his feelings for Sam, so it wasn’t like he was here trying to purposely make Sam like him. He was just making a friend, he hoped.

 

The two of them got to the first garden and Grizz attached the hose to the faucet before offering it to Sam with a questioning look.

 

“We can take turns?” Grizz shrugged, and Sam nodded as he took the hose and turned the water on.

 

Grizz shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked slowly around the gardens, making sure each plant had a sufficient amount of water.

 

“I feel like a bad person,” Sam said out of nowhere.

 

‘What? Why?’ Grizz signed.

 

“Because I never really thought about taking care of the environment before,” Sam admitted. 

 

“You’re not a bad person. You’re here now, right?” Grizz spoke and signed at the same time, well tried to at least. He decided he was going to try and sign with everything he said to Sam. He figured the more practice he got, the better, and he wanted to make it easier on Sam to understand what he was saying. Well, at least Grizz hoped it was easier. If he really sucked so badly then it could possibly be worse for Sam.

 

“Only because you convinced me to,” Sam said and knocked into Grizz’s shoulder.

 

“I’m converting everyone into wildlife warriors, one at a time,” Grizz said.

 

“Wild what?” Sam asked.

 

“Oh, uh, wildlife warriors,” Grizz said slower and it took him a while to sign each letter.

 

“Thank you,” Sam said, “and sorry, I can be annoying.”

 

“What? No you aren’t,” Grizz said, because Sam was the exact opposite of annoying.

 

Sam didn’t say anything. Grizz watched him as he watered each plant. He still had this desire to find out more about Sam. Yesterday was great just talking in Sam’s bedroom. Grizz never wanted the conversation to end. There was so much he wanted to ask the boy, but only one thing came to mind at that moment, and it was important to Grizz. Being able to communicate with Sam was important.

 

Grizz reached out and touched Sam’s arm so he’d look up at him, and Sam did so with that usual tilt of the head and questioning look on his face.

 

“Can I talk to you about being deaf?” Grizz asked, because he didn’t want to offend Sam. He had never spoken to someone who was deaf before and he didn’t want to annoy Sam by talking about it, if that’s even something that would bother Sam. Grizz had no clue. That was why he was asking.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Is reading lips hard?” Grizz asked. Sam looked a little taken aback, and Grizz thought he messed up, but then Sam gave a small smile.

 

“Sometimes. Depends,” Sam shrugged.

 

“On?”

 

“Well…sometimes it’s hard if it’s dark out or people turn away or if someone talks to fast or too much. Smaller sentences are better so I can catch it all,” Sam explained and Grizz nodded slowly. Really, all Grizz was trying to do was figure out the best way to talk to Sam.

 

“So, like, you don’t always understand what someone’s saying?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t always get the entire sentence. Communicating isn’t always words. Facial expressions help. And context. Like if someone randomly starts talking it’s difficult to catch on at first. Being in groups is hard too. By the time I figure out who is talking they’re half way through a sentence,” Sam said and he said it like it was no big deal. Grizz supposed it was just Sam’s life. It was what he was used to.

 

“So, one on one is better?” Grizz asked. That could explain why Sam is usually only around Becca at lunch.

 

“Usually. Long conversations can be tiring because I have to concentrate so much,” Sam said.

 

“So, like…this could be too much? Cause if I’m annoying asking too many questions then I-”

 

“You’re not,” Sam cut Grizz off, “it helps you’re trying to sign at the same time.”

 

“Trying?” Grizz laughed.

 

“Let’s just say you need more practice,” Sam teased, “but really, the fact that you’re trying is amazing to me. Your cousin is lucky to have you. Most people just shout at us and think that we can magically hear.”

 

“Dicks.”

 

Sam nodded, “either that or people get impatient and stop talking to me all together if I can’t understand.”

 

“I won’t do that. I promise,” Grizz said.

 

“What’d you say?”

 

“Oh, I said I won’t d-,” Grizz stopped, because Sam was laughing at him. Grizz rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile too, “so funny.”

 

“Sarcasm,” Sam pointed out.

 

“What about it?”

 

“You’ve got great expressions. It’s like I can tell your tone,” Sam said.

 

Grizz blushed, and he felt dumb because Sam could probably read a lot of people by their facial expressions, but for split second, he felt like it was just him. Grizz was quickly learning that talking to Sam made him feel like they were the only two people around, which, at that moment the gardens were empty, so they were.

 

“It’s easier to lip read people I spend a lot of time with, like Becca, because I’m used to the way she speaks,” Sam said.

 

“I guess we’ll have to spend more time together,” Grizz blurted out. And, fuck. Too much. That was _too fucking much._ Grizz was about to drown himself, but Sam didn’t even blink an eye.

 

“I’ll get used to the way you talk,” Sam said with a smile, and Grizz let out a deep breath.

 

“I didn’t realize it was so hard,” Grizz said dumbly.

 

Sam dropped the hose to the grass. He turned to face Grizz, then the next thing Grizz knew, Sam’s hands were covering his ears. Sam was _touching_ him and Grizz didn’t know what to do. All Grizz could think about was Sam pulling his face to his and kissing him. That wasn’t what was happening though.

 

Sam’s mouth was moving, but Grizz could tell he was whispering. Grizz couldn’t hear a thing, but he understood what Sam was trying to do. Grizz looked down at the shorter boy, focusing on his lips, purely for educational purposes, of course. All too soon Sam wasn’t touching him anymore but Grizz could still feel the burn of his skin.

 

“What’d I say?” Sam asked with a smug look.

 

“Uh…I have no clue,” Grizz admitted defeat.

 

“It’s a talent,” Sam said. He picked the hose up from the ground and handed it to Grizz because it was his turn.

 

“What did you say?” Grizz asked.

 

“You’ll never know,” Sam was amused, and Grizz kind of loved it.

 

“Mean.”

 

Sam shrugged, then asked, “does your cousin lip read?”

 

Fuck, Grizz felt really shit about lying to Sam, but what was he supposed to do now? Admit that he doesn’t have a cousin and then Sam would probably hate him for lying or think he’s a giant weirdo? Because, really? Who lies about having a deaf cousin?

 

“Oh uh, no. Hence learning ASL, but it’s hard, like learning a new language,” Grizz said.

 

“It is a new language. You’ll get it. You’re smart,” Sam said.

 

“Right, so smart,” Grizz laughed with a shake of his head.

 

The two of them got back to what they were supposed to be doing. They were making pretty good time and Grizz knew they’d be done before the hour was up. The outdoor school grounds weren’t that big, so there wasn’t a whole lot for them to cover. The time flew by much too quickly for Grizz’s liking. He was enjoying talking to Sam.

 

“Have you always been into this stuff?” Sam asked.

 

“This stuff?”

 

“Yeah, like, nature.”

 

“I have. I was in boy scouts when I was younger and the survival training and outdoor stuff was always my favorite part,” Grizz told him, but it only made Sam laugh.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing,” Sam shook his head.

 

“No, really, what?” Grizz smiled, because Sam was smiling, and if that wasn’t just the best thing Grizz had ever seen.

 

“I’m just thinking of you in a boy scout uniform,” Sam confessed.

 

“Hey, boy scouts is a serious thing, okay?” Grizz defended, but he wasn’t mad at all.

 

“You’re more of a nerd than I thought,” Sam teased.

 

“Oh am I?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Yeah, well…” And then Grizz sprayed Sam with the water, making the other boy yelp and try to run away. Sam looked at him with his jaw dropped and his shirt littered with drops of water.

 

“Are you crazy?” Sam asked through his laugh.

 

“Maybe,” Grizz shrugged, “but that’s what you get when you be a bully.”

 

Sam tried to look angry with an adorable little frown that Grizz could see right through. Fuck, this boy was so endearing to Grizz. He melted with every little interaction. When Sam stomped towards him and took the hose from his hand, Grizz didn’t even put up a fight. Well, he didn’t, up until Sam sprayed his face with water.

 

“Hey! Stop!” Grizz went for the hose but Sam was expecting it. He jumped out of the way, almost making Grizz slip to the ground. He regained his balance and turned to Sam who had his finger on the trigger. One squeeze and Grizz would have another face full of water.

 

‘Don’t,’ Grizz signed.

 

“It’s your own fault,” Sam said.

 

“Okay…okay…” Grizz took a careful step towards Sam, “let’s not do anything we’ll regret.”

 

“I do what I want,” Sam defied.

 

Grizz narrowed his eyes in a playful glare, and instead of taking another slow step, he leapt at Sam, going low. Grizz wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist in a tackle. He spun the laughing boy around before they both fell to the ground. Grizz quickly had the upper hand. He straddled Sam’s hips and pinned his wrists to the grass below. Sam pouted and went to reach for the hose he dropped but Grizz had a good hold on him.

 

“You can’t run from a football player. I tackle people for a living,” Grizz said in victory.

 

“A living? You get paid?” Sam asked.

 

“Millions.”

 

“But you can’t afford a hair-cut?” Sam hit back, and damn, the wit. Grizz was impressed if not slightly offended.

 

“What’s wrong with my hair?” Grizz let go of Sam so he could sign at the same time. He only pretended to be hurt.

 

“It’s too long.”

 

“Well then I’ll shave it all off.”

 

“No, no, no,” Sam said quickly, “it looks good like this, but no longer.” And then Sam reached up and ruffled Grizz’s hair, and Grizz almost passed out at the feel of Sam’s fingertips. And then, the moment was over all too soon.

 

“Boys!” the authoritative voice of Ms. Chan echoed through the courtyard. Grizz’s neck almost snapped with how quickly he looked over at her. She had just come around the corner of the building and was giving her best ‘what the hell are you two doing?’ look.

 

“Sorry Ms. C, we’ll get back to it,” Grizz said. She pursed her lips and gave them a ‘you better’ look, before clutching her clipboard tighter in her hands and turning to walk the other way.

 

Grizz was tense, and not because Ms. Chan caught them goofing off, but because Grizz just realized that he was _on top of Sam,_ and he was _flirting_ with Sam and fuck, Sam was flirting back. Was he? Grizz didn’t know if he was imagining it or not. Perhaps Grizz wanted it so badly that he was making this into something it wasn’t. Grizz tackled his purely platonic friends all the time. Sure, ninety-nine per cent of those times was on a football field, but still.

 

Grizz was frozen, right up until Sam sat up, and Grizz shifted on his lap, and Grizz could feel a situation arising. He looked at Sam and holy hell, they were close. Close enough that he could just lean forward a little and-. No. Just, no.

 

“We gotta get back to work,” Grizz said in a small voice. It really, _really_ didn’t help that Sam was looking at Grizz’s lips as he spoke.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Grizz didn’t move. He couldn’t move. He didn’t fucking want to move, no matter how much his brain was telling him to get the hell up.

 

“You kind of have to get off me,” Sam pointed out, and he put his hand on Grizz’s thigh to give him a little push, and Grizz knew Sam was trying to get him to stand up, but the touch sent a jolt of heat through his body, and yep, Grizz definitely had to get off of Sam, _now._

 

“Right,” Grizz’s voice broke, “sorry.”

 

Grizz was up so quickly after that. He tried to play it cool, like nothing had just happened, because to Sam, nothing _had_ happened. Grizz hated that the warmth of Sam’s body was gone, so on instinct he held his hand out to the boy on the ground, just to touch him again. Sam took his hand with an appreciative smile and Grizz hoisted him up.

 

 _Let go of his hand, Grizz,_ Grizz pleaded with himself, but no, Grizz’s body had other ideas. He held Sam’s hand for just a few seconds longer. It was just enough time to give Grizz what he craved, but not enough for him to raise suspicions. Those few seconds were nice. It was just nice. It was nice being around Sam. It felt natural and comfortable. For those few seconds, Grizz didn’t feel so scared.

 

Grizz forced himself to let go, and then the two of them got back to what they were supposed to be doing. They did it in silence and Grizz’s nerves were getting to him. He started to doubt himself, thinking he was being way too obvious. Part of him felt like getting away from Sam so he could think and sort out what he was feeling. Grizz used to be so good at compartmentalizing his emotions. With Sam though, he didn’t know which way was up and which was down. He just felt like a mess.

 

Grizz was a little relieved when environmental committee was over and the two of them could part ways. Grizz really did love being around Sam. He’d be around Sam all day if he had the chance, but that afternoon he didn’t trust himself.

 

They handed the hose back to Ms. Chan and checked out with her. The two walked side by side down the hall towards the car park. Grizz had paid enough attention to Sam to know that he didn’t have a car, and well, his mouth and body was working before his mind was. He touched Sam’s arm to get his attention before speaking.

 

“Do you want a ride home?” Grizz asked.

 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll walk,” Sam said. And Grizz’s stomach sank. Sam _knew._ Sam had to know. Grizz had a crush and he was so fucking transparent and now Sam knew and didn’t want to be around him.

 

“Oh,” was all Grizz could say.

 

“It’s not you,” Sam said as if reading his mind, “it’s…Campbell.”

 

“Campbell?”

 

“Yeah, he texted me before. He told me not to come home this afternoon,” Sam said, and what the fuck?

 

“Why?”

 

“He does that sometimes. Just easier to stay away,” Sam shrugged, as if this was a normal occurrence.

 

“What about your parents?” Grizz asked.

 

“They work late. It’s fine. I usually just walk around town for a few hours, or go to Becca’s, but she’s busy today,” Sam said.

 

This time, Grizz’s head was up to speed with his mouth, because really, this was a no-brainer.

 

“You’re coming to my house,” Grizz said, and there was no room for argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thanks for the suggestions about Sam's POV. I'm definitely gonna write something and post it after the next chapter but as a separate piece! So it won't be in the chapters of this story. I'm gonna write Sam's thoughts of Grizz on the football field when Grizz asked to teach him ASL, possibly a conversation between Campbell and Sam after Grizz left his house after their first lesson, and then a conversation between Becca and Sam set after the next chapter because Sam is gonna be #confused. So if you're interested keep a look out after the next chapter but if you only want to see Grizz's POV then that's okay because there will be nothing vital to the storyline in it. Okay thanks bye.


	5. Ice-cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 recap: Grizz and Sam became one with nature. They wasted water. Grizz was on top of Sam and he was not okay. They flirted way too much and didn't even realize it because they're dumb. Campbell was, in fact, a dick, resulting in Grizz inviting Sam to his house.
> 
> SIDE NOTE: Always assume that while Grizz is speaking that he is using sign language (or what little of it he knows) and being extra expressive so Sam understands him. I just don't want to write it with every piece of dialogue.

Grizz wasn’t getting the time he needed to think and sort through his feelings for Sam. More importantly he wasn’t able to shut them down before he got carried away. He was still hanging on by a loose thread to this notion of _not_ dating a boy and _definitely not at all_ falling for Sam, but at the same time he revelled in the fact that he was going to spend an entire afternoon alone with the boy.

 

The ride to Grizz’s house was a quiet one. Grizz wasn’t really sure why Sam wasn’t talking but he had a good idea that it was because of Campbell. Maybe it was the water fight and moment they had, that Grizz wasn’t even really sure was a moment, that had gotten to Sam, in the same way it had gotten to Grizz. Maybe Sam was uncomfortable with how Grizz held his hand for a second too long, or stayed on top of him for much longer than he should have. Grizz had always been affectionate with all his friends so he didn’t see why it should be different with Sam.

 

Grizz glanced over at Sam who was staring out the window. He had been texting someone most of the ride home. Maybe Becca, or Campbell. Grizz wasn’t sure. He just hoped he didn’t cross a line today. Grizz tapped Sam on the shoulder to get his attention.

 

‘Are you okay?’ Grizz signed.

 

“Two hands on the wheel,” Sam signed and spoke back with a smirk.

 

‘Yes, Dad,’ Grizz signed, and honestly, he felt a bit pleased with himself when he knew how to sign things. 

 

“I’m fine. Campbell just gets to me sometimes. You’re lucky you don’t have siblings,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shrugged, “I always wanted a little sister. Someone to take care of.”

 

“That’s cute,” Sam said, and Grizz blushed harder than he had ever blushed in his life. He had to pull it together because Sam probably didn’t mean it in the way Grizz wanted him to.

 

“I’m sorry you gotta deal with Campbell,” Grizz spoke while looking at Sam.

 

Sam shook his head and didn’t reply to the comment. Grizz was relieved he wasn’t upset with him, but still, it sucked that Sam had someone like Campbell living under the same roof as him.

 

“Eyes on the road,” Sam said and lightly touched Grizz’s cheek to make him face the road.

 

Grizz was going to crash. He decided that was enough communicating with Sam for now because he couldn’t concentrate on him and the road at the same time and he really didn’t want Sam to die on his watch.

 

The two drove in silence until Grizz parked out the front of his house. Both of Grizz’s parent’s cars were in the driveway. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that they would be home. It was rare for him to bring friends home, but not that odd. Luke, Clark and Jason had occasionally stayed over and Grizz’s parents barely ever noticed. He didn’t want Sam to have to deal with them though, so he was going to sneak him in.

 

Grizz got out first and Sam met him on the sidewalk. Grizz was incredibly nervous as they walked side by side up to his house. It was a nice house and all, but Grizz couldn’t remember if his bedroom was in a clean enough state for visitors. He was usually pretty neat and tidy but his mind was racing trying to think if he could’ve left anything embarrassing laying around.

 

“Are your parents here?” Sam asked as they got to the door. Grizz stopped and faced him with a quick nod.

 

“Yeah, but they’re not really into meeting my friends,” Grizz said.

 

“We’re friends?” Sam asked.

 

“If you wanna be,” Grizz said, and on the inside he was screaming that he wanted to be Sam’s boyfriend, but on the outside he just gave a careless little shrug. Grizz held back a smile when Sam nodded his answer.

 

Grizz unlocked the door and stepped inside. He could hear the TV blaring from the living room so he knew his parents were where they always were. He turned to Sam and for the first time considered that maybe this was a bad idea. He didn’t want Sam to think he was hiding him from his parents, but the fact was that he was hiding his parents from Sam.

 

“Go upstairs. Second door on the left. I’ll be up in a minute,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded and did as he was told. Grizz waited until he heard the sound of the door closing before heading down the hall towards the living room. His parents were there, of course, his dad with his regular bottle of beer in his hand and his mom had her gaze locked on the television.

 

“Hey,” Grizz got their attention.

 

“Oh, I thought I heard you go upstairs,” his mom said.

 

“No…no, I uh, I started then came back to say hi,” Grizz said.

 

“How was school?” his mom asked. His dad didn’t say anything. He had only acknowledged Grizz with a quick dismissive nod.

 

“It was good, but I have a lot of homework to do so I’ll be up in my room most the night,” Grizz said.

 

“Alright. Not sure what’s for dinner but you can find something yourself, right?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, I will. Thanks,” Grizz mumbled.

 

When his mom turned back to the television, he took it as his cue to leave. He turned back down the hallway and raced up the stairs to his room. He swung the door open and his eyes landed on Sam who was at Grizz’s clothes drawers, and _oh no¸_ Grizz realized that he had in fact left something embarrassing out. Sam was holding Grizz’s framed collection of boy scout badges and patches from when he was younger.

 

Grizz groaned and bashed his head against his door. He liked scouts. That was why he did it, but he knew that other people thought it was for losers, and he really, _really_ didn’t want Sam to think he was a loser. Grizz went over and sidled up next to Sam. The other boy looked at Grizz a little guiltily.

 

“Snooping?” Grizz asked.

 

“It’s not snooping if it was left out for me to see,” Sam said.

 

“Put it back, please,” Grizz whined.

 

“Nope,” Sam smiled, “you must be very serious about it to have it framed.”

 

“My mom did that when I was fourteen,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled and looked back at the frame. Grizz had a lot of patches and badges in there and Sam was taking them all in for much too long.

 

“Okay,” Grizz said and took the frame from Sam’s hands and kept speaking once Sam’s eyes were on him, “that’s enough embarrassing me for one day.”

 

“But I wanna see,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shook his head and put the frame back where it belonged, on top of the set of drawers. It had been on the wall originally, but had fallen down a couple of weeks ago. Grizz hadn’t been bothered to put it back up yet. He turned back to Sam who tried to get to the frame again, but Grizz took hold of his wrists and stepped forward.

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“I bet you have your uniform still,” Sam said.

 

“No,” Grizz lied.

 

“Liar,” Sam giggled. He fucking _giggled_ , and Grizz melted. He had to let go of Sam’s arms before he lost his mind. He gestured for Sam to follow his lead as he went and sat on his bed. Sam sat next to him, and well, now what? Grizz had friends in his bedroom before, but never Sam. Never someone he actually liked, not that he would do anything about it anyway.

 

“What made you start scouts anyway?” Sam asked. Grizz turned to him a little so they could see each other properly when they spoke.

 

“I regret telling you if you’re gonna make fun,” Grizz said with a small smile.

 

“Hey,” Sam said and rested his hand on Grizz’s, “I’m not making fun. Promise.”

 

Grizz looked down at the hand on his own and took a deep, calming breath. Sam let go in an instant. Grizz needed his hand to sign, after all.

 

“Uh, my granddad was a scout leader and he was, like, my best friend, so,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“Was? He…”

 

“Died. Yeah, few years ago,” Grizz said. His granddad was the only person in his family that he actually liked.

 

“Do you still do it now?” Sam asked.

 

“No, no. My dad made me stop when I was fourteen,” Grizz said.

 

“Why?”

 

“He said it was too gay,” Grizz said, and his body tensed when he realized what he just said.

 

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed together in concentration and Grizz hoped to god he wasn’t thinking Grizz was a homophobe, or worse, that he was gay. Grizz wanted to slap himself at his own thoughts because he knew it was ridiculous to think that being gay was worse than being a homophobe. It was wrong, but sometimes that was how he felt. It was how his parents always made him feel.

 

“That sucks,” was all Sam said, and he didn’t look mad, so Grizz hoped he dodged a bullet there.

 

“Yeah, yeah it does. I really liked it,” Grizz said solemnly.

 

“Maybe you can be a leader one day, then I could see you in your uniform,” Sam laughed.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes but couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. He would probably regret this decision, but he went over to his drawers, opened the bottom one and rifled through it before finding his scout shirt and dark red neckerchief. He turned back to Sam, showing them to him.

 

“There, are you happy now?” Grizz asked. Sam’s eyes were glistening with delighted amusement.

 

“Do they still fit?” Sam asked.

 

“Hm, maybe, I was a chubby kid,” Grizz said before he slid the shirt over the plain white one he had worn to school. He had filled out a lot in his shoulders over the past four years so it was a tight fit, but he managed to get the buttons done up.

 

“There,” Grizz said and did a twirl. When he faced Sam again, Sam was off the bed and taking the neckerchief from his hand. Grizz froze as Sam wrapped the thin material around his neck. Fingertips brushed along Grizz’s skin which broke out in Goosebumps. He couldn’t breathe. He really just could not fucking breathe as Sam stood close to him and tied the neckerchief.

 

“That’s better,” Sam said, “how do you not have a line of girls down the street?”

 

Grizz couldn’t do anything except give a little smile. He wanted to tell Sam that there were no girls, that he didn’t like girls and never had liked girls. He wanted to tell Sam that the only person he wanted lining up was Sam himself. But, he didn’t.

 

“I look dumb,” was all Grizz managed to say before he undid the buttons and slid the shirt off. He left the neckerchief on though, because well, Sam put it on him and he just didn’t want to take it off just yet.

 

“Anyway, what do you wanna do?” Grizz asked as he sat back on the bed and Sam joined him.

 

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Sam asked.

 

 _Kiss you. Really hard. Push you down on the bed. Get on top of you. Touch you. Make you moan._ Grizz snapped out of it.

 

“You can teach me more sign?” Grizz suggested.

 

“Sure,” Sam nodded, “we can fix some mistakes you keep doing.”

 

“Oh great. I probably look like an idiot to you,” Grizz groaned.

 

“No. It’s like someone from another country trying to learn English so you correct their words,” Sam explained, and that made Grizz felt a little less silly.

 

“Alright, let’s do it.”

 

The two of them sat on Grizz’s bed, cross legged and facing each other, much like they had done only yesterday in Sam’s room. The first thing Sam did, which took a while, was show Grizz everything that he had been doing wrong. Grizz was trying so hard, but he knew he wasn’t perfect. After all, he only had one lesson with Becca, one with Sam and spent every spare second practicing with an app.

 

Once they went over what Grizz was doing wrong, Sam taught him some new phrases. Grizz really, _really,_ liked Sam’s hands, so focusing on them definitely wasn’t a chore, and it killed Grizz every time Sam stopped and held his hands to manipulate them into the position they were supposed to be in for certain words. Grizz wanted to hold Sam’s hands for an eternity.

 

They were going at it for about an hour and a half when Grizz heard yelling coming from downstairs. His parents arguing wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. In fact, it happened most nights and usually Grizz just turned up some music, but he didn’t want Sam to know what was going on, so he just ignored it.

 

“Can you show me again?” Grizz asked Sam, because he hadn’t been paying attention.

 

“Sure, so it’s like this,” Sam said, and then repeated what he was signing.

 

Grizz copied him, then he heard his dad barking at his mom, throwing all sorts of insults, and she was yelling right back. They were volatile and Grizz knew to just stay out of it. He couldn’t help but flinch each time their voices rose.

 

‘Are you okay?’ Sam signed.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Grizz nodded, “I just…have a headache coming on, that’s all.”

 

“Oh, okay. You wanna stop?” Sam asked.

 

“No, keep going,” Grizz said.

 

Sam was silent for a moment before continuing on. Grizz was trying to keep all of his attention on Sam, but at the same time he couldn’t ignore his parents. He was hoping the fight would die down and they’d go to separate rooms, but it kept going on. It started about his dad not helping with chores, which went on to how his dad earned more money so he shouldn’t have to do chores, which somehow rounded on to how Grizz himself didn’t earn any money or do chores which was bullshit because Grizz was the one to do most of the cleaning around the house.

 

Sam had stopped talking and signing. Grizz spaced out and he didn’t even realize it. The other boy just had a questioning look on his face.

 

“Sorry, sorry, the uh…headache is getting worse,” and it was only half a lie. Grizz really was getting a headache listening to his parents fighting. He wondered if he should take Sam home, but he didn’t want him to have to deal with Campbell.

 

“Lay down,” Sam said and shuffled back.

 

“What?”

 

“Lay down, on your back. Put your head here,” Sam said and patted the mattress in front of his own crossed legs.

 

Grizz was a little wary, but Sam could tell him to do anything and he’d just do it without question, so Grizz did as he was told and lay down on his bed with his head close to Sam’s crossed legs. He looked up at Sam with a questioning glance.

 

“Close your eyes and relax. I do this with Becca all the time. She loves it,” Sam said, and when Grizz didn’t do as he was told, Sam sighed, “trust me, Grizz.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Grizz said, and he closed his eyes.

 

Grizz flinched a little when he felt Sam’s cool fingertips on his temple, but his skin was quick to warm at the touch. Sam rubbed each side in small, gentle circles. Grizz felt himself relax instantly and he was sure it was because his focus shifted from his parents to the fact that Sam was touching him.

 

Sam’s fingers moved across Grizz’s forehead, relieving every little bit of tension. Grizz could have happily fallen asleep right then and there. He let out an embarrassing moan and was glad Sam couldn’t hear it because he wouldn’t be able to live it down.

 

When Sam’s fingertips slid into Grizz’s hair as he slowly and firmly massaged his head, Grizz knew he was in heaven. He had somehow died, maybe during the car ride home, and this was his heaven. In that moment he felt like he and Sam were the only ones to exist. There were no parents. No Campbell. Nothing. Just Sam with his fingers through Grizz’s hair, making him feel more relaxed than he had been in years.

 

Sam trailed his fingers lightly back across Grizz’s forehead and down the sides of his face, down to his neck and back up again to his temples. There were those Goosebumps again. Grizz was usually a warm person, but he had shivers running through his entire body.

 

The bubble burst when Grizz heard a loud smashing sound downstairs. He snapped out of his trance and opened his eyes. He just wanted to stay there on his bed with Sam, but when another smash came, he knew he had to step in before things got worse and his parents ended up killing each other.

 

“My parents are fighting,” Grizz sighed.

 

“What?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz sat up, already missing the feel of Sam’s hands, and turned to face him so he could see him talk.

 

“My parents, they’re fighting,” Grizz admitted because he didn’t like lying to Sam as much as he already had. “Just, sorry…I’ll be right back. Stay here a minute, please. Just stay.”   

 

Grizz’s gaze lingered on Sam’s for a moment and he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Did he think Sam would judge him? Pity him? No, Sam looked worried for him and maybe a little confused. Grizz patted Sam’s knee, silently telling him not to worry, gave a small smile, then got up and left the room. He took in a deep breath before going downstairs. He hated getting in the middle of his parents fights but once they started smashing things, it was only a matter of time before the entire house was a wreck and they’d start throwing things at each other.

 

“Too lazy to do the dishes, huh?!” Grizz’s mom screamed, “Might as well throw them in the trash and buy new ones!”

 

Grizz walked into the kitchen just in time to see his mom throw a dinner plate across the room near his father, right where the trash was. The plate smashed against the wall.

 

“Oh yeah, real mature! An’ guess who th’ fuck’ll be buyin’ the new ones! Not your shitty pay! Fuckin’ minimum wage!” Grizz’s dad slurred and honestly, it was just another Monday night.

 

“At least I don’t blow my wage on cigarette’s and beer!” his mom screamed and picked up another dinner plate.

 

“Hey!” Grizz shouted. He stepped into the room and his parents looked at him. “The neighbors are gonna call the cops again if you keep this up.”

 

“You!” his dad seethed and pointed a finger at Grizz, “it’s about time you get a job.”

 

Grizz had a lot of comebacks, the main one being that his dad specifically told him _not_ to get a job because he had to focus on school and football. They had this same argument at least once a month.

 

“Can we all just go to separate corners of the house and chill, please? I’ll clean up in here,” Grizz bargained.

 

“Of course you will, because it’s not like your sack of shit dad will,” Grizz’s mom spat.

 

With that, Grizz’s dad saw red and stormed towards the plate-wielding woman. Grizz didn’t see any other option than to step between the two before it got even more out of hand. He had never seen his dad hit his mom before, and more often than not the drunkard just liked getting up in her face screaming. It was his mom with the fucking plate he was worried about.

 

“Get out of my way, kid!” his dad grabbed at his shirt and pushed him back.

 

“No, no, just fucking stop, Dad! This is ridiculous,” Grizz pushed back, and he wasn’t sure if his dad did it on purpose or if he was just drunkenly swinging his arm, but the bottle of beer the older man was holding swung up to Grizz’s face, clipping him on the corner of his mouth. Grizz lost his balance, falling against his mom who reached out to hold him.

 

“Look what you did!” his mom screeched, “he’s bleeding!”

 

“I’m fine,” Grizz said, but he could taste metallic on tongue. “I’m fine. It’s fine.”

 

His dad had gone quiet, having just realized what he had done, and then without a word he stumbled out of the kitchen, back to the living room. Grizz looked at his mom who was just glaring at the spot where his dad just left.

 

“Guess I’ll clean up the mess,” she said bitterly.

 

She was bitter? Grizz should be the bitter one. He wasn’t even part of the argument. He didn’t want to be, and he got hurt. At least it was over, which was what he wanted in the first place. Grizz went to the sink, spat out some blood and rinsed his mouth before leaving the kitchen without another word. When he got back upstairs, he stopped outside his bedroom door.

 

Grizz was shaking. It wasn’t the first time his parents argued. It wasn’t the first time they smashed things, but it was the first time they did it with someone else in the house, even if they weren’t aware of that. If Sam wasn’t there, Grizz would go into his room, lay on his bed and either read a book to calm down or crawl under his blankets and will his brain to shut off so he could sleep. But with Sam here, he had to plaster on a smile.

 

Grizz opened the door and Sam was still sitting on his bed, looking down at his own phone. Grizz stepped forward, closing the door, and waved to get Sam’s attention. Once he had it, he signed, ‘hey, sorry about that.’

 

Sam’s blue eyes went wide when he saw Grizz, and Grizz didn’t really know what else to expect. He kind of hoped that the cut on his lip was only on the inside, but apparently not. Damn, Grizz wished he had a mirror.

 

“What happened?” Sam asked as he leapt up from the bed and rushed to Grizz.

 

“What?” Grizz played dumb, and he was really good at playing dumb, but Sam wasn’t having any of it.

 

“Why is your lip bleeding?” Sam asked.

 

“Oh, oh this?” Grizz touched his bottom lip near the corner and sure enough there was a small amount of sticky red blood. “Uh, it’s not what it looks like. It was an accident…uhm…How do you sign ‘accident’?”

 

Sam ignored Grizz’s attempt at changing the topic and instead looked around the room before finding what he was looking for. Sam plucked a tissue from the box on the desk before going back to Grizz. Grizz almost wanted to flinch away when Sam reached out, but because it was Sam, and Sam had him wrapped around his finger, he stayed put.

 

Sam gently dabbed at the blood which had leaked down Grizz’s chin, cleaning it for him, and Grizz could hardly breathe. He wasn’t used to anyone caring for him like this, and it was stupid because Sam and Grizz had only been talking, really talking, for two days. _Two days_ , and Grizz felt like Sam was the be all and end all of his universe.

 

The warm feeling in Grizz’s chest soon left and was replaced by shame. He was ashamed of his family. He was ashamed that Sam saw him like this because even though Grizz really liked Sam, Sam probably only saw Grizz as a guy he hung out a couple times. Grizz really had to get his head out of poetry and novels and back to reality.

 

“Did one of them hit you?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to say. He never had to answer a question like that before, because his parents never got physical with him. It never went this far, but at the same time Grizz felt as though it had. They may not have ever made him bleed, but it felt like it sometimes. All Grizz wanted to do was pack and go to college, but he felt so, so trapped.

 

“It was an accident,” Grizz voice cracked, “it was just…”

 

Grizz’s emotions got the better of him and he cursed being an emotive guy. His vision went blurry and he had to close his eyes to desperately try and stop any tears from flowing because he didn’t want to look so pathetic to the guy he was crushing on. Grizz was convinced that Sam was going to run for the hills.

 

Grizz was wrong. Not a moment after he closed his eyes, he felt two arms wrap around his shoulders. Sam was hugging him. Grizz lost all control of his own arms for a few seconds, but his brain caught up and he hugged Sam back. Grizz tightened his grip around Sam’s waist and buried his face against his neck.

 

Grizz had never needed to be held so badly in his life. He was wrong; it wasn’t a bad thing that Sam was there during the fight. It was the best thing that happened to Grizz in a long time. In fact, Grizz had never felt more okay in his entire life.

 

“I like you so fucking much,” Grizz whispered, and he felt bad for saying it behind Sam’s back. It wasn’t right of him to do, but he wanted to tell Sam, just say it, even if he couldn’t hear, because Grizz didn’t have the guts to say it to his face, but he would have exploded if he didn’t say it out loud.

 

After a short while, Sam pulled back and blessed Grizz with a reassuring smile. The shorter boy tilted his head to the side, then Grizz almost saw a lightbulb flash above Sam’s head before he spoke.

 

“You wanna go get ice-cream?” Sam asked.

 

The suggestion came from left field, but Grizz wanted to be anywhere but there, so he nodded, “I really do.”

 

\---

 

Grizz and Sam sat on the hood of Grizz’s car in the deserted parking lot of Izzy’s Ice-Creamery. Sam had a cone with two scoops of chocolate, and Grizz had his regular soft-serve vanilla with rainbow sprinkles. Izzy’s had the best ice-cream in town and Grizz was shocked when he found out Sam had never been there before.

 

“It’s not a big town, Sam. How could you have not been here before?” Grizz asked incredulously.

 

“I don’t usually like ice-cream,” Sam explained, but that just made Grizz more confused.

 

“Then why’d you suggest it?” Grizz laughed.

 

“Because,” Sam shrugged and pointed to Grizz’s lip, “thought it would make that feel better.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Grizz looked away from Sam and licked his ice-cream. Hanging out with Sam made him feel better. Sam made him laugh on the way over, and now he was feeling down again. It wasn’t Sam’s fault though. Grizz knew Sam would have questions. How could he not?

 

“Do your parents do that a lot?” Sam asked.

 

“Actual violence?” Grizz turned to face Sam again, “no…I mean, they’re pretty shit towards each other, but with me…it’s more like…I don’t know. Being unsupportive, not caring, yelling at me over nothing. Bullshit like that.

 

“Have you told anyone?” Sam asked.

 

“Nothing to tell. I’m eighteen. It’s not like it’s child abuse. I’ll be out of here soon anyway,” Grizz told him.

 

“I wish I was going to college in the fall too,” Sam said, and Grizz sometimes forgot Sam was a grade lower, probably because he always hung out with Becca who was a senior.

 

“You don’t like high school?” Grizz asked.

 

“I hate it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Not all of us are popular,” Sam said with a teasing grin as he nudged Grizz’s side.

 

“You’re popular,” Grizz said. Popular to Grizz, at least.

 

“Am not.”

 

“Everyone likes you.”

 

“I get invited to parties out of pity,” Sam said and Grizz watched in fascination as Sam licked his ice-cream. Grizz snapped out of it and got back to the conversation.

 

“No, you don’t,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“It’s true. Either that or Becca is invited and I convince her to go and take me with her,” Sam laughed.

 

“Parties are overrated anyway. Give me a good book and a quiet room, and I’m all set,” Grizz said. And Sam. Give him Sam and he’d be set for life.

 

“No way. I’ve seen you at parties. You’re the life of it,” Sam said.

 

“No, alcohol is the life of the party. I’m just its host,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled wider, shaking his head at Grizz. The two of them sat there chatting, not going back to the topic of Grizz’s parents, thankfully. They finished their ice-cream around the time the sun began to set. It was still light enough for Sam to be able to read Grizz’s lips. The air around them got cooler and Grizz’s body usually ran hot, so he didn’t even notice it was cold until Sam wrapped his arms around himself.

 

“You’re cold,” Grizz dumbly pointed out.

 

“I’m fine,” Sam shook his head.

 

For a split second Grizz was going to suggested that maybe they should go home, but he also really did not want to leave. Besides, he had a better idea. Grizz signed for Sam to stay where he was, then he slid off the hood of the car and opened the back seat. Right there where Grizz left it was his varsity jacket. He snatched it up and went back to Sam, handing it to him as he sat back on the hood next to the shivering boy.

 

Sam took the jacket cautiously, maybe even a bit suspiciously, but Grizz just gave an encouraging look, pushing the jacket into Sam’s hands. Sam put the jacket on and even though it was over-sized on him, Grizz couldn’t help but think it looked really, really good. Like _really_ good. Like, Grizz’s heart was pounding hard against his chest kind of good.

 

‘Thank you,’ Sam signed.

 

‘You’re welcome,’ Grizz signed back.

 

And fuck, this felt like a date. And double fuck, Grizz wanted to kiss Sam. But this wasn’t a date and he couldn’t kiss Sam and it _wasn’t fair._ Grizz wondered if he could sustain this friendship with Sam until high school was over and he was free, but even then Grizz was planning on moving across states to go to college. Grizz couldn’t see a way he could have what he wanted. It was easier to push everything down.

 

The two boys kept chatting until it got darker, and then Sam couldn’t see Grizz speaking properly anymore, yet Grizz didn’t want to leave the hood of that car. Apparently, neither did Sam, because he lay back against the windscreen and Grizz followed suit. It was comfortable and not awkward like it should have been seeing as they were new friends and Grizz’s mind didn’t seem to work properly around Sam. It just felt so natural to Grizz.

 

They stayed there for hours in their own little bubble, not wanting to go home. Grizz almost fell asleep and Sam did at one point, his head lulling against Grizz’s shoulder accidentally, and Grizz of course wouldn’t move a muscle. At almost midnight a security guard came by and told them they had to leave, and when Grizz dropped Sam of at his house and watched him walk to the front door still wearing his varsity jacket, he swore he would never ask for it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WROTE THE COMPANION PIECE FROM SAM'S POV. I didn't mean to yell, I just wanted to get attention. Anyway on my page I wrote the thing. It's very originally just called "Vulnerable- SAM" because it's almost midnight and I'm tired. Read it if you wish. It's just a couple of scenes, mainly of Sam talking to Becca about Grizz. HOWEVER, if you don't want to read Sam's POV then that is FINE because nothing happens in it that affects the current storyline so you can skip it if you want Sam's thoughts to remain a mystery. It just sheds like on whether he likes Grizz or not.  
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am still in shock and awe that people are reading this. Viva la Grizzam  
> P.S ONE LAST THING- the head massaging thing- yes I got it from that video I saw on Tumblr of Olivia Nikkanen (actress who plays Gwen) touching Jack Mulhern's face and head and he was like a damn kitten and I just had to do it.


	6. Scout's Honor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 recap: Grizz and Sam hung out at Grizz's house. Grizz's parents fought and Grizz got in the middle resulting in a busted lip. Sam comforted Grizz and they went for ice-cream. Also featuring head massages, bonding and lending varsity jackets.

Grizz sat by himself on the half-packed bus with his phone in his hand. Gwen’s puffy-eyed, red-nosed face was on his screen as he face-timed her. Gwen had come down with the flu just the night before the school camping trip and Grizz felt bad for her because she was always such a socialite, so Grizz knew she would be going crazy knowing she’d be missing out.

 

Grizz and Gwen were almost back to normal, so face-timing her wasn’t exactly an odd thing to do. Earlier that week at lunch time Grizz had sat Gwen down while Clark wasn’t around and had a one on one chat with her. Grizz still felt terrible for snapping at her outside the bathrooms the week before. Grizz apologized and explained to her that he was under the impression Gwen liked him, and it made him feel uncomfortable around Clark. That was a half truth. He didn’t go into the details of his sexuality. He did however make it clear to her in the nicest way he could that he only saw her as a friend.

 

Gwen, in true Gwen fashion, played it off as though she had never been interested in Grizz and that it was all one big misunderstanding. That was okay with Grizz because as long as Gwen knew the crush she had on him was completely out of the question then he didn’t care what she told herself to make it okay. Of course, it would have been easier to just tell her he’s gay, but he couldn’t make the words come out of his mouth.

 

Grizz was just glad that Gwen seemed to accept it and move on. She went back to treating him how she always had; as friends, and not following him around, flirting with him or kissing him out of nowhere. They hugged and made up, and then pretended nothing happened when Clark turned up for lunch.

 

“This won’t be as fun without you,” Grizz told Gwen through the screen of his phone.

 

“Oh please, I’m sure you and the boys will have plenty of fun out there in the wilderness,” Gwen’s croaky voice spoke back.

 

“Uh huh, are you sure you’re not faking it so you don’t have to come?” Grizz speculated.

 

“Uhm, excuse me, but I like camping, thank you very much. We all know Clark is the princess of the group,” she rolled her eyes.

 

Grizz laughed and nodded, “Yeah, you might be right there.” He remembered the high-pitched scream Clark made during their last camping trip when a spider dropped onto his arm from a tree, and how he demanded to be taken home or he would sue.

 

“Where is he, anyway? He’s not gonna go loco if he sees us talking, right?” Gwen asked.

 

“He’s further down the back with Jason. And Luke ditched me for Helena so…” Grizz shrugged. He didn’t really mind that his friends abandoned him. He got along with them and loved them and everything, but he often found himself detached from the group, even when he was with them.

 

“Aww, poor Grizzly bear, all on his lonesome,” Gwen pouted.

 

“Me? You’re the one home by yourself. What are you gonna get up to anyway?” Grizz asked.

 

Gwen went on to tell him of her plans to laze around and finish some assignments, and Gwen was a bit of a talker so it was easy for Grizz to get distracted. Grizz usually prided himself on being a good listener, but the second he saw Sam, his mind turned to mush. There Sam was, just casually stepping onto the bus, completely unaware of the way Grizz’s entire chest warmed at the mere sight of him.

 

It hadn’t been long since Grizz and Sam started talking, but Grizz already felt closer to the boy than anyone else at school, because in all honesty, Sam was the first person he _really_ spoke to. Grizz never usually let anyone in to really know him. He kept people at a distance, sometimes subconsciously and sometimes on purpose, and sometimes he didn’t even know why.

 

Grizz was almost at the point where most of his friends were more like acquaintances, and Grizz didn’t mind because he was planning on leaving everyone and everything behind once college started. With Sam though, it was different. He wanted to know Sam. It was so easy to talk to him and Sam made Grizz actually want to talk about his family, his life and his aspirations. It was just easy. 

 

Every night that week when Grizz and Sam left school, they got straight into Grizz’s car and went to Izzy’s Ice-Creamery to sit on the hood of the car and talk or learn sign language, until the sun set and it got too dark. Then, they would sit in silence, just staring at the stars like they did the first night. Sometimes if they didn’t want the conversation to end, they would end up in Grizz’s car with the lights on.

 

On Tuesday night Grizz found out that Sam liked music, and Grizz felt dumb because he didn’t think people that were deaf could even enjoy things like music, but then they got in Grizz’s car and Sam put on one of his favorite songs. Grizz had never seen Sam smile so wide when the bass kicked in and the car vibrated. Sam even taught Grizz how to sign the lyrics. That was the best thing Grizz ever learned, and that night when he got home he compiled a playlist of all his favorite songs with the best rhythm that he would then give to Sam at school the next day.

 

On Wednesday night Sam opened up to Grizz about what it was liking being the only out gay kid in their school. All Grizz wanted to do was tell Sam that he was gay too, but every time the words tried to leave his mouth, they crawled right back in and he swallowed them whole. That night Sam talked and talked, and Grizz listened. Sam told him how scary it was to come out, but how it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be in the aftermath, that there were a lot of supportive people surrounding him.

 

Sam went on to tell Grizz about Campbell and how Sam thought he was pure evil. Sam was scared of him and scared for Elle, even though he had no proof that Campbell was doing anything bad to her. Grizz tried not to get angry when Sam told him how much Campbell used to pick on him growing up, and even now. That night Grizz made Sam promise him that if Campbell ever hurt him or if he ever felt in danger, then he would text Grizz and Grizz would be there in a flash.

 

Thursday night rolled around and Grizz had football practice, but when he was finished and showered, he found Sam waiting by his car. That was when Grizz realized this would be a daily occurrence, and he wasn’t mad about that at all. That night they drove through a fast food restaurant to get burgers because Sam was sick of ice-cream. At that point Grizz was sick of ice-cream too, but he hadn’t had enough of Sam.

 

They still ended up in the parking lot of Izzy’s Ice-Creamery in the exact same car park. That night Grizz spent the entire night learning ASL from Sam, because Grizz wanted to know more and didn’t want to forget what he had already been shown. Grizz still wanted to communicate with Sam in his language more than anything, and every time Sam mentioned Grizz’s non-existent deaf cousin, Grizz died a little inside.

 

On Friday night Grizz’s parents weren’t home, so Sam and Grizz ended up on Grizz’s bed, side by side, eating pizza and watching movies on Netflix. That night it took everything in Grizz’s power to not kiss Sam. In fact, it took everything in him to refrain from even holding his hand. Grizz was falling apart with how much he wanted Sam, and Sam had no idea.

 

Grizz was so good at pretending to be straight. He was so good at being the typical ‘dude-bro’ jock that every time he accidentally brushed his arm against Sam’s or looked at his lips for a second too long, he would act as though nothing had happened and say something so pathetically hetero-normative that he hated himself for it. He even pointed out a woman’s breasts on the TV just to throw Sam off. Grizz wanted to drown himself after that. But still, all Sam did was laugh at him and then everything was okay again.

 

“Grizz! Grizz, are you listening to me?” Gwen’s voice sounded distant but it was still enough for Grizz to snap out of his momentary trance and look back at his phone.

 

“What?”

 

“Dude, whoever you’re staring at must be either really special or really hot,” Gwen said.

 

“Sam,” Grizz murmured and his eyes went wide when he realized what he said.

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Gwen asked quickly.

 

“What? Nothing.”

 

“Grizz-”

 

“Gotta go.”

 

“Grizz!”

 

“You’re delirious. Get some rest. I’ll come see you Sunday. I’ll make you chicken soup. Later,” Grizz said quickly, and then he hung up on her.

 

There was no time to worry about Gwen because Sam was getting closer, and the moment Grizz looked up, blue eyes locked onto his. Grizz smiled, trying to act as normal as he possible could. Sam gave a wave and just as he got to where Grizz was sitting, Becca came stumbling out of nowhere, running right into Sam.

 

Sam’s entire body lost balance and before Grizz could even brace himself, Sam had toppled over, right into Grizz’s lap, _hands first._ Sam’s hands were only on his thigh but Grizz was craving Sam so much that the tiniest touches seemed to set him off.

 

“Sorry,” Sam said quickly and pushed himself off, situating himself in the empty space next to Grizz.

 

“It’s okay,” Grizz voice squeaked, then when Sam was looking at him, he signed, ‘you okay?’

 

Sam nodded, but his cheeks were flushed red and Grizz tried not to look into it too much.

 

“Oh my God!” Becca said and touched Sam’s shoulder to get his attention, “I am so sorry. I’m such a klutz.”

 

“Yeah, real clumsy,” Sam spoke while he signed. Grizz noticed the little glare he gave Becca, and he wondered if Becca did that on purpose. Judging by the much too innocent smile on her face, she did. Grizz really needed people to stop interfering with his love life, or lack of for that matter.

 

“My bad. Are you two okay to sit together? I promised Kelly I would sit with her,” Becca spoke and signed. Grizz was jealous of how well she signed and wondered how long it took her to get that good.

 

Becca didn’t wait for an answer before sitting across the narrow walk-way from them, next to Kelly. Sam pushed his backpack to the floor by his feet then looked up at Grizz.

 

“Hi,” Sam waved.

 

“Hi,” Grizz smiled, and he felt like a twelve-year-old.

 

“Are you excited?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“Who are you bunked with?” Sam asked.

 

“Luke, you?”

 

“Gordie.”

 

“Cool,” Grizz nodded casually, but inside he wasn’t casual at all. Inside, he was so fucking jealous of Gordie, even though Gordie was probably straight and dating a girl in his grade, Cassandra.

 

“I saw you talking on the phone. I didn’t interrupt, did I?” Sam asked.

 

“Oh, no, no. It was only Gwen,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah, she’s uh, she’s sick,” Grizz told him.

 

Sam didn’t say anything and Grizz wondered why it was suddenly awkward between them. Their conversations usually flowed so smoothly and they were comfortable around each other, or at least Grizz was comfortable around Sam. Grizz figured that it was probably because there were a lot of people around and the two of them never spoke when others were around. Grizz felt like he couldn’t let his guard down, so instead he just decided to keep things light.

 

“So,” Grizz started and opened his backpack. He pulled out two things and turned to Sam, “we have two hours and I have cards or mini-chess.”

 

Sam smiled and pointed to the mini-chess board.

 

“Chess it is.”

 

Grizz propped his bag up on his right leg and Sam’s left so they could put the board on it between them. The bus started moving and the two boys began playing. The bus was noisy but Grizz felt like he was in his own little bubble when he was around Sam, like always. The awkwardness left quickly and comfort took over. Not to mention Grizz got a bit of a thrill over the feel of Sam’s knee and thigh against his since it wasn’t a very spacious bus.

 

‘Check-mate,’ Grizz signed for the third time in a row.

 

“Not fair. You gotta let me win at least once,” Sam pouted and Grizz really, _really,_ wanted to kiss him.

 

“Nope. You gotta earn it,” Grizz said.

 

Sam rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless, and Grizz swooned. The bubble was burst though when an annoyingly familiar, menacing voice came from the seats in front of them.

 

“Well, isn’t this just the sweetest thing,” Campbell spoke, and Grizz didn’t even realize Campbell was sitting in front of them because, well, actually, when the hell did that happen? Campbell had poked his head over the back of the chair to look at the two of them. He must have gotten there after Sam sat down, because Grizz lost track of everything around him when Sam came into the picture.

 

“Elle, baby, don’t you think these two are just the cutest _friends?”_ Campbell asked, and the way he said ‘friends’ made Grizz a little sick to his stomach.

 

Grizz’s gaze dropped to Elle who looked like she could care less, then he glanced at Sam who had a confused expression on his face, probably because he hadn’t caught on that Campbell was talking to them until Grizz looked up.

 

“You agree, right Elle?” Campbell pushed.

 

“Sure, whatever,” Elle nodded.

 

“Is there a point here, Campbell?” Grizz sighed, because honestly what the fuck? Who did Campbell think he was? Grizz wanted nothing to do with him.

 

“Nope, just an observation. As you were,” Campbell said before he turned back around.

 

Grizz couldn’t get rid of the feeling of unease that suddenly consumed him. Anxiety was bubbling up which only got worse when he noticed Sam looking at him.

 

“What was that about? I missed it,” Sam said.

 

“Nothing. He’s just being a dick,” Grizz said loud enough for Campbell to hear. The other boy didn’t say anything. He just put his arm around his girlfriend and kept facing forward.

 

Grizz couldn’t bring himself to look at Sam. He knew Sam hated it when people wouldn’t tell him what he missed in a conversation. Sam told Grizz that himself just two nights ago. Grizz didn’t want to talk about what Campbell said though. If Campbell thought something was going on with Grizz and Sam, then did everyone else too? Was it only a matter of time?

 

“I’m feeling a bit motion sick, so I think I’m just gonna look out the window for a while and listen to music. That okay?” Grizz said, because he didn’t know how to nicely say ‘I’m a piece of shit that doesn’t want to talk to you right now in case your brother gets the wrong idea, which actually is the right idea because I have the biggest crush on you but don’t want anyone to find out because, as I said, I am a piece of shit.’

 

It didn’t really roll off the tongue.

 

When Grizz saw Sam’s nod, he took his headphones out of his bag, plugged them into his phone, turned on shuffle, and looked out window. Grizz just wanted to be back in the parking lot of Izzy’s Ice-Creamery with Sam, just the two of them, where no one could see them. Grizz wondered what Sam thought of him and if Sam even liked him or not. He wondered, and maybe even hoped, that Sam was having the same internal struggles that he was. Probably not.

 

Sometimes, Grizz wished he was straight, and that Sam was a girl. Those thoughts made him feel awful. Grizz knew in the back of his mind that it was okay for a boy to like another boy. He was just so scared of what everyone else thought. He wished that no one gave a shit if someone was gay. He wished everyone in the world viewed every sexuality as normal. Most of all Grizz wished he had courage, but he didn’t even have the courage to tell just one person.

 

Grizz wanted to cry, but swallowed it down along with the rest of his thoughts.

 

\---

 

Grizz didn’t see Sam again until later that night. The day was a busy one. They arrived at the camping destination which was in the middle of nowhere, near some mountains. It took a one hour hike to get where they were supposed to be, and Grizz had re-joined his friends like he was meant to.

 

Everyone had to set up their own two-person tents, but Grizz and Helena ended up setting up their own, plus Jason and Clark’s because Jason, Clark and Luke were apparently useless. Grizz went around helping others too. He wanted to find Sam and help him, but he was across the other side of the camp site.

 

After everything was set up, everyone was split into four separate groups. Grizz was lucky enough to be with his friends, but not lucky enough to be with Sam, and Grizz thought maybe that was a good thing because when Sam was around, the only thing going through Grizz’s head was _Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam_ , and that could get distracting. Maybe a needed a Sam detox because it had been easy to keep his crush at bay when he wasn’t talking to the boy. Now that they were friends it was like the mini-Grizz inside Grizz that dealt with his love affairs had snorted cocaine and was bouncing off the walls and not giving Grizz a break.

 

Grizz shifted his attention throughout the day and focused on what his group was doing; learning about wildlife and fauna. They were taught about spiders, snakes, all venomous creatures, and what they were supposed to do in an emergency. Grizz found it all so interesting, and he felt like he was back in boy scouts again.

 

As the day went on, Grizz started missing Sam. He got through every day that week knowing that he would hang out with Sam that afternoon. Now, who knew when Grizz would talk to Sam again. It was like the end of the world, and Grizz was being dramatic. Most of all Grizz just felt bad for giving Sam the cold shoulder on the bus and he wanted to make sure things were okay again.

 

Dinner rolled around and there was so much commotion going on that Grizz couldn’t even begin to find Sam to apologize. He just ate with Jason, Clark, Luke and Helena. It wasn’t until after dinner that Grizz saw Sam. There were several camp fires burning with the just over two hundred junior and senior students spread out amongst them. Grizz noticed Sam sitting with Becca, Gordie, Cassandra and Kelly.

 

Grizz sighed and rested his head against Helena’s shoulder. She was used to it so didn’t move. Grizz hated the feeling of longing he seemed to always carry around with him. He was sulking but trying not to let his friends know it.

 

“I got it,” Clark spoke, “I’m gonna win her over at Fugitives next weekend.”

 

Clark had been going on about how he wanted to get Gwen back, and everything he came up with was so elaborate and ridiculous, and Grizz had listened to Gwen and all the reasons why she broke up with Clark and his inability to chill the fuck out was one of them.

 

“She always loved when I dominated at Fugitives. I’ll win the game and win her back,” Clark said triumphantly.

 

Grizz sat up, shook his head and before he could think it through, he spoke, “She’s not a prize to be won.”

 

All eyes shot to Grizz but the most intense was the glare Clark was giving him. Grizz regretted even speaking.

 

“You should just talk to her, man,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Clark sneered.

 

“What?” Grizz sighed.

 

“You want me to talk to her so I’ll fuck it up and you can swoop on in, right?” Clark said.

 

“Clark, I don’t think Grizz would do that,” Helena, an actual angel, spoke.

 

“Wouldn’t he though?” Clark asked.

 

And Grizz was tired. He was tired of Clark. He was tired of the Gwen drama. He was tired of everyone’s interest in who he did and didn’t like. He just wanted to take the heat off the whole Gwen thing so what he said next was complete word vomit.

 

“I like Becca, okay? Fuck,” Grizz snapped. He felt so wrong, dirty even, for lying, for using Becca like that, but he just kept going with the lie. “I like her, and Gwen knows. She’s been helping me so…whatever, man.”

 

“Helping you? You don’t need help,” Clark laughed, apparently forgetting that he was mad at Grizz. The lie worked like a charm.

 

“Yeah, dude, you’re an attractive young man. Just go get her,” Jason said.

 

Grizz wanted to scream. He felt like he was suffocating and he couldn’t be around them anymore. He really, really hated lying.

 

“Okay,” Grizz nodded, “okay, I’m gonna go hang out with her.”

 

“Oh shit, wait, I have a genius idea,” Luke said.

 

“What is it?” Grizz asked impatiently.

 

“Well, Helena has a tent to herself since Gwen is sick, so I’ll be in there, and you’ll have a tent to yourself. Just saying, you could extend an invite to Becca,” Luke said.

 

“Oh yeah, Grizzy’s gonna get some,” Jason said and held his hand out for a high-five. Grizz, playing the part, high-fived him back, and felt sick about it.

 

Grizz was just so desperate to get away from them all. Without a word he stood from his place next to Helena and ignored the jeers of encouragement as he crossed other groups of students. When his eyes fell on Sam and his friends, Grizz felt a little calmer. His friends, and Sam’s group, both had such different energies. Grizz really did like his friends, when they weren’t being annoying about who he liked. At that moment though, he really needed the change of scenery.

 

“Hey guys,” Grizz spoke when he got close enough and the others looked up, “mind if I join?”

 

“Of course, Grizz,” Becca said with a huge smile on her face, and if she didn’t chill out soon, Grizz was going to have to have a word with her.

 

Grizz sat on the ground with his back to the fire. He was next to Gordie who was sitting with Cassandra. Sam, Becca and Kelly were sitting on a log facing the fire. Grizz may or may not have sat in front of Sam on purpose. The two caught each other’s gaze and…fuck. It was still weird.

 

“So…what’s up?” Grizz asked the group.

 

“Maybe you can settle an argument for us, Grizz. None of us were in the wildlife talks today, so tell us, are there poisonous snakes out here?” Cassandra asked.

 

“Yes,” Grizz said bluntly, because well, there was.

 

“I told you all,” Becca said smugly.

 

“Great, so I’m gonna die,” Kelly said so dramatically that it made the group laugh.

 

“I know it’s cliché, but they’re more scared of you than you are of them. Leave them alone and they’ll leave you alone,” Grizz said.

 

The group went on to talk about something else, and Grizz naturally turned his focus to Sam who was more withdrawn than usual. He knocked Sam’s foot with his own, getting his attention. Sam looked up and _Jesus Christ,_ he was beautiful. The light of the fire made his skin glow and his eyes flicker. Grizz almost forgot why he got Sam’s attention in the first place.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ Grizz signed.

 

“Groups. Hard to keep track of what people are saying sometimes, plus the lighting’s a bit weird,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shuffled forward and took his phone out of his pocket. He opened up notes and typed out a message.

 

**‘They were talking about whether there are poisonous snakes out here. Spoiler alert, there are. Kelly thinks she’s gonna die.’**

Grizz handed his phone to Sam who took it and read the message. A small smile played at his lips.

 

“What if I accidentally step on one?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz took his phone back and typed out a new message.

 

**‘Don’t worry. I’m trained in survival and first aid. I’ll keep you safe.’**

Grizz held his breath as he handed his phone back to Sam. It was almost like sending a risky text. Sam looked up through his long eyelashes at Grizz.

 

“Scout’s honor?” Sam asked, doing the salute.

 

Grizz laughed and nodded, doing the same, “Scout’s honor.”

 

Grizz leant back on his hands but kept his feet close to Sam’s, hooked around the back of his ankle, and neither of them dared to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


	7. It's okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 recap: School camping trip! Grizz and Sam sat together on the bus and it was cute until Campbell opened his big mouth and Grizz panicked that everyone was catching on to him being gay. Grizz got frustrated with his friends thinking he liked Gwen and told them he liked Becca. Grizzam was cute next to a fire.

It was getting late. The teachers told everyone they had to be in their tents by midnight at the very latest. It was now just past eleven and most students had already headed to their tents, including Gordie, Cassandra and Kelly, leaving Grizz, Sam and Becca still by the fire, isolated from everyone else.

 

Grizz watched in complete jealousy as Becca sat in front of Sam, between his legs, and the boy with magic fingers gave her his infamous head massage. Grizz wanted to swap places with Becca, but with Jason and Clark sill up and sitting a couple of fires away, he knew that couldn’t happen.

 

“Feel better?” Sam asked Becca.

 

“So much,” Becca spoke, her hands in the air signing so Sam could see.

 

“Good, so you won’t mind if I head to bed?” Sam asked.

 

Becca’s gaze landed on Grizz in a questioning look. What the hell did Becca expect him to do? Tell him to stay? Sure, Grizz didn’t want the night to end. He was having the time of his life talking to them, but he couldn’t just ask Sam to sit out there longer just for him. Besides, Grizz was feeling kind of tired himself.

 

‘I guess,’ Becca signed, and that much Grizz could understand.

 

Sam released Becca from his grip and she was quick to turn to face the boy who just stood up from the log. It took Grizz a few seconds to realize she was signing to Sam without speaking a word, and Grizz couldn’t see a thing.

 

“Hey, hey, what are you saying?” Grizz asked.

 

“Mind your business, Gareth,” Becca snapped.

 

Grizz looked to her, then to Sam, only in time to see Sam roll his eyes at her before looking at Grizz. Grizz didn’t know what to do or say. He missed Sam already.

 

“Goodnight, Grizz,” Sam said.

 

‘Goodnight,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam smiled wide and didn’t say another thing before walking off. Grizz watched him go, because of course he did. He was obsessed with the boy. Once Sam was out of sight and in his tent, Grizz groaned and fell forward, splaying himself on Becca’s legs.

 

“It’s not fucking fair,” Grizz whined.

 

“Oh Grizzy, babe, you’re doing this to yourself,” Becca said. She ran her fingers through Grizz’s hair and it just wasn’t the same as when Sam did it.

 

Grizz whined again and covered his face with his hands. Becca didn’t understand. She didn’t understand how hard it was for Grizz to sit there all night and only have the guts to touch Sam’s foot with his own. She didn’t understand how he was always thinking about people finding out, and at the end of the day Grizz didn’t give a fuck if anyone at school knew. It was just that once they knew, his parents would find out somehow.

 

“This is painful to watch,” Becca said.

 

“What is?” Grizz asked as he rolled onto his back and looked up at her.

 

“You and him staring at each other,” she said with a teasing grin.

 

“He’s not staring at me,” Grizz shook his head because the mere possibility of Sam liking him the way Grizz liked Sam was preposterous.

 

“Yeah he is,” Becca laughed, “you stare at him, he catches you so you look away, then he stares at you, and you catch him and he looks away. It’s one big circle.”

 

“He’s probably just looking at me because I’m a fucking creep,” Grizz said.

 

“You aren’t a creep, you’re cute,” Becca said.

 

If Becca, or Sam for that matter, knew just how much Grizz thought about Sam, then perhaps Becca would rethink that statement. Grizz had never wanted anything so bad in his entire life and he just didn’t know how to handle these feelings.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz sighed, “I just wanna hold his hand.”

 

“So do it,” Becca urged, “what’s stopping you?”

 

“It’s complicated with my parents, okay? I can’t come out,” Grizz said.

 

“You don’t need to come out to be with someone,” Becca pointed out.

 

“It’s not that simple,” Grizz said.

 

“It is though. I know Sam. He won’t out you if you just tell him. It could be between the two of you. Your parents don’t need to know,” Becca said.

 

Grizz knew in the back of his mind that what Becca was saying was true. Grizz trusted Sam. There was always that flicker of doubt though, that people would find out, and then his parents would and kick him out, and then he would be homeless. The thoughts snowballed every time until Grizz shut the door on even considering coming out. Besides, just because Grizz was gay, and Sam was gay, didn’t mean Sam automatically liked Grizz. Grizz couldn’t handle the rejection.

 

“Listen, you’re sharing with Luke tonight, right?” Becca asked.

 

“Mhm.”

 

“About twenty minutes ago I saw him sneak into Helena’s tent,” Becca said, and Grizz could see where she was going with this.

 

“Right…”

 

“So, you’re alone.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So, ask Sam to join you,” she said like it was obvious.

 

“Yeah, right,” Grizz snorted.

 

“What’s the worst that could happen?” She asked. She fiddled with Grizz’s hair, soothing Grizz enough for him to think about it, and he really did think about it. His mind wandered to all the possibilities of how tonight could play out. What if Sam did like him? What if Sam came to his tent and kissed him? Or what if they just talked, or slept, or cuddled? The thoughts left Grizz with a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach, until one final thought squashed them all. What if Sam rejected him?

 

“You’re insane,” Grizz said and sat up. He didn’t want to think about this anymore.

 

“If you two aren’t together within the next week I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands,” Becca said.

 

“No, you won’t,” Grizz shook his head as he stood from the ground. He reached his hand out to help Becca up too. She took it and Grizz hoisted her up easily.

 

“Try me,” Becca said cockily.

 

“You won’t, because you promised you wouldn’t say anything, and you’re a good person,” Grizz said.  

 

“Damn it,” Becca grumbled, “damn you. But seriously. Get your shit together.”

 

“Becca, the only way anything is going to happen is if he makes the first move, and my parents spontaneously combust,” Grizz said.

 

Becca thought about it for a moment before nodding, “I’ll work on it.”

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and shook his head at her.

 

“Goodnight, Becca. Please try not to meddle in my life,” Grizz said.

 

“I won’t meddle in yours. I’ll meddle in Sam’s,” she said cheekily, and before Grizz could respond, she was out of there, heading in the opposite direction to her tent.

 

Grizz sighed heavily and decided to call it a night. He found his tent easily, which was empty except for his backpack, pillow and sleeping bag. He took his shirt off, leaving himself in his sweat pants, and fell to the pillow, covering himself with his sleeping bag because even though Grizz was usually warm, he knew the temperature would keep dropping overnight.

 

Grizz lay there, too awake to think about sleep. His mind could never really turn off once it was time for bed. He listened to the teachers telling the last few straggling students to head to bed, then things got quieter. Grizz tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable. It was near one o’clock in the morning when Grizz felt his phone vibrate. He thought it was just a notification from an app because who would be messaging him at this time of night? He was wrong though. He squinted in the light and saw a text from Sam.

 

 **Snakes can’t get in these tents, right?** – Sam.

 

Grizz smiled fondly and typed out a response.

 

 **If you have it zipped up properly, you’re fine.** – Grizz.

 

 **Idk if I do??? Tell my parents I love them.** – Sam.

 

Grizz laughed, shaking his head. Sam could be so damn endearing sometimes. Scratch that, _all the time._

 

 **Why aren’t you asleep?** – Grizz.

 

 **Gordie kicks in his sleep.** – Sam.

 

Grizz stared at his phone and lightly bit on his bottom lip as he thought about what to say next. Becca’s encouraging yet slightly annoying voice was in the back of his mind. This was his chance. He could ask Sam to come to his tent under the pretence of being a good friend. That was all Grizz needed to send the text.

 

 **Luke left me for Helena so I have a whole half a tent with your name on it if you’re interested?** – Grizz.

 

Grizz held his breath as he waited for a reply. He almost wanted to turn his phone off and act like nothing happened. When the reply finally came, Grizz let out a sigh of relief which was quickly replaced by nerves.

 

 **Which ones yours?** – Sam.

 

 **Third one from the last fire. Don’t get caught.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz sat up and stared down at his phone, expecting Sam to message back that he wasn’t coming, but the message never came. Grizz couldn’t believe that he actually went through with it and asked Sam to his tent. Becca would be so proud of him.

 

It took only a few more seconds of sitting there for Grizz to go into panic mode because he was not prepared for this. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to be prepared for. They were just going to sleep, right? Or talk? They had talked before. They talked all the time on the hood of Grizz’s car, so it wasn’t a conversation he was worried about.

 

Grizz didn’t have a chance to fret about it any longer though because he soon heard the sound of Sam whispering his name. Grizz jumped into action and unzipped his tent. In the dark Grizz could see Sam’s outline as he stepped inside the tent and Grizz zipped it back up again. Grizz grabbed his phone and turned on the torch so they could see each other.

 

“No one caught you, obviously,” Grizz said.

 

Sam gave him a questioning look and Grizz waited for him to sit down before repeating himself. The two boys sat cross legged, facing each other, with the light on the ground between them, shining upwards and illuminating their faces.

 

“So, no one saw you?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t think so. Ms. Chan was half asleep by a fire and I couldn’t see any other teachers,” Sam said.

 

“Good, that’s good,” Grizz said, suddenly feeling a little awkward. Sam’s eyes flicked down then back up to Grizz’s face, and Grizz felt a bit self-conscious.

 

“How are you not wearing a shirt? It’s cold,” Sam said.

 

“I’m usually warm, remember?” Grizz said in barely a whisper. He didn’t want any of the surrounding tents hearing them, and Sam already usually spoke in a whisper anyway. Grizz wished he was good enough at signing that their entire conversation could’ve been in ASL.

 

“Right, that reminds me, I still have your jacket,” Sam said.

 

“That’s fine. You can keep it for a little longer, if you want,” Grizz said, and fuck, he was so damn smitten for this boy.  

 

“It’s the warmest one I have at home. It’s my go-to,” Sam said.

 

“You’ve worn it again?” Grizz asked. His eyes lit up with hope which he tried to push back down. He couldn’t be so damn obvious.

 

“It’s warm,” Sam shrugged casually.

 

Grizz smiled, looking down for a moment. His hair covered the light tint of pink which graced his cheeks. He looked back up at Sam and changed the subject before he got too carried away.

 

“So, did you have a fun day?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, did you?” Sam asked back as he pulled his hoodie sleeves down over his hands.

 

“Could’ve been better,” Grizz spoke.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“My friends can get kind of exhausting sometimes,” Grizz admitted.

 

“Why?” Sam asked, and Sam was kind of like that all the time, Grizz noticed. Sam was always so curious and that was why it was easy to talk to him about anything and everything.

 

“There’s this, like, drama going on with Gwen and Clark,” Grizz explained.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah…so basically Gwen and I are good friends and Clark thinks something more is going on,” Grizz said and it felt good to actually talk about this.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because…” Grizz trailed off. It didn’t feel right to tell Sam that Gwen had a crush on him because he didn’t want to embarrass her, so he decided on a half truth. “He just gets jealous when we talk, so like, every time I mention her he gets all angry and defensive. And today to get him to shut up I told him I like Becca.”

 

Sam gave Grizz the most confused look he ever had. Sam tilted his head to the side and Grizz felt like he was under a microscope being analysed.

 

“You…” Sam paused, “yYou like…Becca?”

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head quickly.

 

“So, you like Gwen then?” Sam concluded and if Grizz didn’t really like Sam, he would’ve been annoyed.

 

“No, I don’t,” Grizz said.

 

For a moment Grizz thought Sam was going to ask another question, but when he opened his mouth to speak, a giant yawn came out of it instead. Grizz couldn’t help but smile.

 

“You’re tired,” Grizz said as a matter of fact.  

 

‘Sorry’, Sam signed while yawning again.

 

“Don’t be. It’s been a long day. You should get some sleep,” Grizz said.

 

Sam didn’t say anything at first. He looked around before frowning, and Grizz wondered what was wrong.

 

“I didn’t bring my sleeping bag or pillow. I’m so dumb,” Sam said.

 

“Oh.”

 

And Luke took his own to Helena’s tent, of course.

 

“I’ll go get them and be back,” Sam said and went to get up but Grizz took hold of his arm, stopping him. Sam looked at him, his eyes dropping to Grizz’s lips, expecting an explanation.

 

“No, no. You might get caught and then you can’t come back,” Grizz said because he really didn’t want that to happen. There was only one solution and Grizz didn’t even think before speaking. He just wanted Sam to stay, so he offered, “we can share. I may be an only child but I’m great at sharing.”

 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked sceptically. Grizz let go of Sam’s arm and nodded.

 

“You don’t wanna get caught, do you?” Grizz asked. He scooted back a little and pulled his sleeping bag up on his lap before patting the spot next to him.

 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked again, “because I can just lay here.” Sam pointed to Luke’s cold, empty side.

 

“Don’t be dumb. You’ll freeze to death. It’s fine,” Grizz said, and he knew he was being bold, but he was also just being friendly, right? Friends could share a sleeping bag without it being weird or without Grizz being questioned on his intentions.

 

Sam didn’t move, and Grizz thought maybe he fucked up. As he watched Sam carefully, Grizz noticed the hint of fear in the boy’s blue eyes. Grizz wanted to ask what was wrong, but instead he just sat there, his offer still open.

 

“You’re not weirded out by being this close to me?” Sam asked timidly.

 

“Why would I be?”

 

“Because I’m gay. Straight guys like to keep their distance,” Sam said.

 

And Grizz didn’t expect Sam to say that. There were a lot of things Grizz could have said. He could have told Sam he was being silly and Grizz didn’t mind. He could have played it off as not a big deal. He could have even just agreed with Sam. The thing was though, in that moment where Sam’s eyes were so raw and honest, Grizz couldn’t bear to lie to him.

 

“Uhm…Sam, I’m…uhm…” Grizz looked down at his own fingernails as his head and heart battled with one another. He swallowed hard as his heart raced and before he lost his nerve or could talk himself out of it, he said something he had never admitted to anyone out loud before.

 

“I’m gay.”

 

Grizz kept his gaze focused on his hands in his lap. He couldn’t believe he just said that. He wasn’t prepared for it. This was all happening so much quicker than Grizz wanted it to, but he just couldn’t lie to Sam anymore. Not about this. And Grizz fucking liked Sam. He _really_ liked Sam, so maybe deep down part of Grizz wanted him to know.

 

Grizz’s hands were shaking and Sam wasn’t saying anything. It felt like minutes had passed when it had probably been only seconds. Grizz always thought that when he came out, he would get one of three reactions; shock, disgust or ‘I knew it.’ They were the three reactions that scared him the most, because he didn’t want it to be a big deal. He just wanted people to say ‘okay, cool’, and move on.

 

Grizz felt like he couldn’t breathe and he was so damn scared as he finally made eye contact with Sam again. The thing was, the other boy didn’t give Grizz any of the three looks that he expected. Instead, Sam had the most calm eyes he had ever seen. A look filled with understanding and lack of judgement. Grizz felt like the hand squeezing at his chest all these years let go, just a little, but enough to make him feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz gasped, and his cheeks were wet. Grizz went to wipe the stray tears but Sam beat him to it. Delicate fingers brushed away the tears as Sam inched forward, catching Grizz’s gaze again.

 

“It’s okay. Why are you crying?” Sam asked.

 

“Because…” Grizz murmured. He had no words because his feelings were always a complicated mess and he didn’t want to hash them out with Sam right then. He had just come out to someone for the first time ever on his own terms, not like Becca finding out on her own. Grizz finally took this step and he felt like that was enough for one night.

 

“It’s okay,” Sam told him again, and then Sam’s arms were around the crying boy.

 

Grizz melted into the hug. He clutched the sides of Sam’s hoodie and buried his face in Sam’s chest. Grizz felt like a child but more than anything he just felt okay. He wasn’t scared that Sam knew. He was just overwhelmed and letting his emotions get the better of him once again. It didn’t take long for him to calm down, especially with Sam holding him like he was.

 

Grizz was the first one to make a move to pull back, and truthfully, he only did it because he wanted to make sure the look in Sam’s eyes hadn’t changed. It hadn’t. Sam’s gaze drifted to Grizz’s lips, and Grizz knew that was Sam’s way of watching him talk, but fuck if Grizz didn’t want to just kiss Sam right then and there. Grizz just came out though. Admitting his crush wasn’t something he was going to do any time soon.

 

“So, anyway, no problem with sharing a pillow and a sleeping bag with another guy,” Grizz said with a small laugh.

 

Sam smiled and nodded, “Clearly.”

 

Grizz was dying to know what Sam was thinking at that moment. He wanted to ask Sam a million questions, but Sam had gone quiet, so instead, Grizz opted to lay down on his back, taking up just half of the pillow and sleeping bag. Sam crawled in shortly after, then Grizz, deciding the conversation had ended and would probably continue another time, turned off the torch on the phone, plunging them into darkness.

 

All Grizz could hear were his and Sam’s steady breathing. He finally had a moment to think. The entire past ten minutes felt so surreal. Grizz was afraid that he’d wake up and realize he was dreaming and he did not, in fact, have the courage to tell Sam he’s gay. _Grizz told Sam he’s gay._ Grizz came out, and a part of him wanted to run back in the closet and slam the door shut. Grizz was trying to push down the anxiety and just let it be.

 

As Grizz lay there he wondered if things would be awkward between himself and Sam. Actually, he wondered if things already were. There Grizz was, laying on his back next to Sam, barely touching at all, staring at the roof of the tent. Was Sam as wide awake as he was? What was Sam thinking? Grizz couldn’t shut off his thoughts.

 

“Stop thinking,” Sam’s voice came out of nowhere. And what? How did Sam know?

 

A cold touch placed on Grizz’s wrist made the boy flinch.

 

“Jesus, you’re freezing,” Grizz said.

 

He sat up and felt around for his phone, then turned the torch on so Sam could see.

 

“You’re freezing,” Grizz repeated. He propped himself up on his elbow and with his free hand he held Sam’s icy cold fingers. He trailed his hand up Sam’s arm, under the hoodie, to discover it wasn’t just his hands.

 

“I don’t have a varsity jacket to keep me warm,” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz smiled so wide he thought his face would break. He chewed on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from doing it.

 

“Well, I’m a bit of a cuddler and I always seem to be warm, so…” Grizz trailed off and watched Sam expectantly. Grizz couldn’t remember the last time he had been so brave.

 

“I like being little spoon,” Sam told him.

 

“Works for me,” Grizz said.

 

Sam had a small smile on his face before he rolled onto his side with his back to Grizz. Grizz turned his phone light off and without hesitation, moved closer to the shivering boy. Grizz felt like he just won the lottery as he carefully slid his arm around Sam’s waist and settled next to him. Grizz really did try not to press his entire body against Sam’s but the temptation was there and Sam made no signs of protest.

 

Grizz figured that he could play it off as one friend warming up another friend. What he couldn’t disguise as pure friendship though was how he buried his face in the back of Sam’s neck and breathed in deeply. Sam smelled like, well, a forest and campfire smoke, but it was the best thing Grizz had ever smelled before.  

 

For a moment Grizz’s inner anxiety screamed at him that he was taking things too far, that this would make Sam uncomfortable and that it’d be weird in the morning, but Sam unknowingly shut that voice up when he slid his cold hand underneath Grizz’s warm one, and Grizz didn’t falter before keeping his fingers wrapped around Sam’s.

 

It was nice. It was just nice, and perfect, and Grizz couldn’t believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	8. Liar, Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 recap: Sam ended up in Grizz's tent on the camping trip. Grizz caved and came out to Sam but still won't admit his crush. Sam was cold and Grizz likes cuddles.

The next morning Grizz woke up before Sam did. The first thing he felt was warm breath on his neck that made his entire body burn up when he realized that it was coming from _Sam_ of all people. It took Grizz a minute to catch his bearings but he soon discovered that at some stage during the night Sam had turned so they were facing each other. If Sam had been cold last night, he definitely wasn’t now, because it was hot in that tent. Really hot, and Grizz had a feeling it wasn’t because of the outside temperature.

 

Grizz was tired and his head throbbed because of it. His only desire was to fall back asleep. He closed his eyes and relaxed against Sam, and that was when Grizz felt it. Grizz was hard in his sweatpants. He was hard and pressing against the thankfully asleep Sam.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz breathed.

 

Grizz opened his eyes and without making too much movement he felt around for his phone. He found it and checked the time. It was five o’clock. They were told last night that they had to be up by seven, so that gave Grizz two hours too will away his problem. Reluctantly, he unwrapped his arm from around Sam and shifted so he was on his back. Sam had other ideas though, because he clung to Grizz, following his movements. Grizz found himself laying there, with a fucking semi, and Sam laying half way on top of him.

 

It wasn’t the first time he was turned on over the thought of Sam. It was the first time it happened and he couldn’t do anything to relieve himself though. If he were home, he’d just go have an extra long shower, but he couldn’t exactly do that where they were.

 

Grizz looked at Sam again, sleeping peacefully, and he had an odd feeling in his stomach. Part of him felt like the luckiest person in the world having the chance to just sleep next to Sam. But on the other hand, Sam wasn’t his. Sam was his friend, and as much as Grizz wanted to pretend they lived in a fantasy world where they were together and things weren’t complicated, he just couldn’t. Reality snapped right back into place.

 

Sam shifted in his sleep and Grizz hoped he wasn’t about to wake up, because he didn’t want this to end. Sam didn’t wake up though. In fact, Sam was apparently more of a natural cuddler than Grizz was. The fast asleep boy nuzzled his nose against Grizz’s neck, and Grizz couldn’t handle it. He felt wrong indulging in the way Sam’s hand was on his waist, and his leg hooked over Grizz’s. It felt wrong because Sam was asleep, had no control over what he was doing, and had no idea that Grizz liked him more than a friend. Grizz felt like he was taking advantage of him.

 

Grizz carefully removed himself from Sam’s grip, desperate not to wake him. He was successful. He shuffled at least a foot away from Sam and honestly, he missed the boy’s warmth, but he didn’t dare move closer again. He could look at Sam though, right? He was allowed to take note of Sam’s light snores, or how his mouth hung open just an inch, or how his hair was all ruffled and casual. Grizz was allowed to just look at him and take in his beauty without being too much of a creep.

 

It wasn’t long until Grizz fell asleep again, and when he was roused awake, he felt a weight on his chest and only took him a few seconds to realize it was Sam. Grizz wanted to cry out of frustration, and the worst part was that Sam had no idea what he was doing to Grizz.

 

No, actually, Grizz discovered the worst part was what made him wake up. He hadn’t even registered the sound of the tent’s zip until much after the fact. And he only realized he and Sam were no longer alone when the all too familiar voice of Luke broke the silence.

 

“Uh…morning?” Luke asked.

 

Grizz froze up as a wave of panic washed through him, and almost instantly he went into ‘pretend you’re fucking straight’ mode that he had almost perfected over the years.

 

“Oh, hey,” Grizz spoke in a tired, but casual voice. He looked up at Luke and shifted away from the still sleeping Sam. Luke’s face was one of confusion, with tinted pink cheeks. Oh, Luke was embarrassed? Grizz wanted the ground to swallow him up.  

 

“I feel like I’m missing something here,” Luke said, his gaze narrowing in scepticism.

 

“Oh? Oh! No, no,” Grizz laughed as he sat up and stretched, “it’s not what it looks like. Gordie was apparently kicking him in his sleep so I said he could stay. And then he was cold and…”

 

“And you’re a cuddler,” Luke chuckled, “I know. We’ve woken up like this before in case you’re forgetting.”

 

“Yeah, true,” Grizz said, and apparently neither one of them was going to point out that the last time that happened they were eleven years old. On the inside Grizz’s anxiety was clawing at his chest. He just needed for Luke to not look too deeply into this, and leave.

 

“Anyway…” Luke said a little awkwardly, “the teachers are waking everyone up. That’s what I came in to tell you.”

 

“Alright, cool. Thanks, man,” Grizz said.

 

Luke gave him a little smile, glanced at Sam, and then turned to leave. Grizz groaned and fell back to the tent floor once he was gone. He covered his face with his hands and scratched his fingers down his face in frustration. That was close, too close. It could have been a lot worse though. It could have been Jason or Clark who walked in, not his best friend. Luke seemed to buy Grizz’s excuses though, even though Grizz’s excuses weren’t actually a lie. Sam _had_ been bothered by Gordie and he _had_ been cold. Grizz was just thankful he wasn’t hard anymore, because that was something he did not want Luke to see.

 

“It’s fine. You’re okay,” Grizz whispered to himself.

 

Grizz looked to Sam, knowing he’d have to wake him from his peaceful slumber. Grizz sat up again gently rocked Sam’s shoulder. The boy stirred and Grizz thought he wasn’t going to wake up, but then his eyes opened. Grizz smiled down as he watched a flash of confusion cross Sam’s eyes, followed by realization of where he was. Sam rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in Grizz’s pillow.

 

Sam mumbled something incoherent and Grizz thought it was so cute that he momentarily forgot that he was panicking about Luke finding them. Grizz moved closer and shook his shoulder again. The tired boy rolled back over onto his back and looked up at Grizz.

 

“Do we have to?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, “teachers are waking everyone up.”

 

“They came in here?” Sam asked as he sat up.

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head, but he didn’t want to tell Sam that Luke saw them. He didn’t want to lie either so he stuck to the simple ‘no’.

 

“Guess I should go. Gordie’s probably wondering where I am,” Sam said.

 

Grizz nodded again and signed that that was a good idea. Sam looked around to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything. He slipped his phone that had fallen from his hoodie pocket, back into it, then went to leave. Grizz had a sudden thought though that made him reach out and grab Sam’s arm. Sam looked back with a questioning gaze.

 

“Uhm…about what I told you last night. I haven’t…I mean…” Grizz sighed. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to say. It’s just that he felt so damn pathetic for having to ask Sam not to tell anyone. Sam was out. He didn’t seem to care who knew about him, and there Grizz was, too scared to even admit to his best friend that he liked Sam.

 

“I won’t tell,” Sam said with a soft smile.

 

Grizz released his arm and just nodded. He couldn’t look Sam in the eye. Thankfully Sam left after that and Grizz could be alone with his thoughts. It always took him a little while to transition from being the Grizz that had a crush on Sam and would love nothing more than to just kiss him and obsess over him for the rest of his life, to the Grizz who was a straight jock and loved women, and Grizz knew he’d be spending the day with his friends so he had to get his head clear.

 

Grizz changed out of his clothes and into clean ones before he crawled out of the tent. There weren’t a whole lot of people around. Most were lining up to get some breakfast across the other side of camp, and a few others were sitting by the fires that were merely hot coals at that point.

 

“Grizz!” a slightly annoying squeal came from Grizz’s left. He spun around in time to see Becca rushing over to him. “Grizz, oh my god, did I just see Sam leaving your tent?”

 

“Yes,” Grizz spoke in a harsh whisper, “And can you keep your fucking voice down. Did anyone else see?”

 

“I don’t think so, but like, I was kind of waiting to see so,” Becca shrugged and gave an innocent smile before continuing on with her interrogation, “what’s going on? What happened?”

 

“Nothing happened. We were just texting last night and Gordie was kicking him in his sleep so he was uncomfortable. I offered him to stay with me. That’s all,” Grizz said. He looked around like the paranoid boy he was, but no-one was in ear shot, and they were whispering.

 

“So, you’re telling me you spent the night together and nothing happened?” she crossed her arms over her chest and gave Grizz the bossiest look. She wasn’t going to let this go.

 

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you sure? Because you know I’ll probably just ask him,” Becca said smugly.

 

“Nothing happened,” Grizz spoke slowly and clearly, hoping the words would sink in.

 

Becca looked disappointed, and honestly Grizz was a little disappointed too. He wondered what would have happened last night if he had the guts to make some sort of move. Could he have kissed Sam? Did he even want to kiss Sam? Of course he wanted to, and in an alternate universe where his parents were out of the picture, then maybe he would have felt comfortable enough to ask Sam to kiss him. In this world though, under Grizz’s circumstances, where Grizz’s parents existed and he was so scared of coming out, he didn't want to kiss Sam.

 

Becca kept looking at him like she expected him to give her something, anything, and as annoying as Becca was about this whole thing, Grizz kind of actually liked being able to speak to someone about Sam.

 

“I…” Grizz paused before he went on and whispered, “I told him I’m gay.”

 

“Oh my god!” Becca practically jumped for joy, “and?”

 

“And nothing,” Grizz shrugged as he began to walk off towards the breakfast tables because his stomach was beginning to rumble angrily.

 

“Wait, so, can I finally talk to him about you? Like properly?” Becca asked.

 

“No, you cannot. He doesn’t know I like him,” Grizz said.

 

“Then tell him,” Becca whined as she latched onto Grizz’s arm like a child who wanted their mom to buy a toy they just passed at the mall.

 

“I can’t,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“Why not?”

 

“It’s complicated. Please, just…just drop it,” Grizz begged.

 

Becca sighed and rolled her eyes, but nodded, “alright fine, I’ll stop.”

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said, and the two of them went to get their breakfast together. All the while Grizz could feel Clark, Jason and Luke’s eyes on them, and Grizz felt like the worst person in the world when he felt relief over them thinking he liked Becca.

 

\---

 

The morning went by quickly. After breakfast everyone was split into the same groups there were in yesterday to take on another fun-filled learning experience. Grizz had trouble keeping focus. He couldn’t manage to turn his mind off for five seconds. At least with his quiet mood, his friends knew to leave him alone.

 

By lunch time, it was time to pack up and go. Grizz and Luke made quick work of taking down their tent and packing up their things. The two boys lugged their things over to the bus, and when Grizz turned he came face to face with Campbell who was doing the same thing. Grizz had been lucky so far, other than the bus ride over. Campbell hadn’t been in the same group as Grizz and he was fortunate enough to not see him last night. With Campbell standing right in front of him in that moment, Grizz was reminded of his desire to punch him in the face every time he saw him.

 

“Hey, Grizz, my man. How is my future brother in law this morning?” Campbell asked as he clapped Grizz on the shoulder.

 

Grizz’s face heated and he glanced at Luke to see a confused expression on his face. Grizz was going to act dumb too.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Grizz asked, and boy were his acting skill’s on point.

 

“Do you really want me to say it?” Campbell’s smirk made Grizz want to puke.

 

“What I want is for you to get the fuck out of my way,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh sure, sure,” Campbell stepped to the side, “but oh, just before you both go, I couldn’t help but notice we have this varsity jacket lying around at home. You haven’t lost yours or anything, have you?”

 

Grizz was more than annoyed now. It was difficult enough for him to deal with being gay and liking Sam, so what he really, fucking _really_ didn’t need was Campbell giving him a hard time with all this cryptic bullshit.

 

“What the fuck do you want from me, Campbell?” Grizz sneered, and he hardly recognized his own harsh voice.

 

“Why so defensive?” Campbell said through laughter.

 

“Why are you being such a dick, Campbell?” Luke piped up, “Why don’t you go bug someone else?”

 

“Aww,” Campbell cooed, “now isn’t that just the sweetest thing? A couple of fags defending each other. Grizz, tell me, does Sammy know there’s another man in your life?”

 

Grizz was about to lose it. He had never been so mad in his entire life. Grizz wasn’t a violent person. In fact, he hated violence, but in that moment, as he stepped up to Campbell and got in his face, he wanted to punch him so badly. His fist clenched as he argued with himself in his head. One more snide comment and Grizz was going to knock the guy out.

 

“Fuck off Campbell, seriously. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Grizz spat.

 

“Don’t I?” Campbell challenged. That was it. Grizz was going to punch him. Well, he _was_ going to, if Luke hadn’t stepped in.

 

“Guys,” Luke stood between the two, pushing Grizz back, “Jesus fucking Christ, guys. The fuck’s going on? Stop it.”

 

Campbell sauntered back, hands up in surrender, but that fucking smile that Grizz hated so much was still there along with a look of pure amusement. Grizz knew he shouldn’t let people like Campbell get to him, but he couldn’t stop the moron from getting under his skin. Campbell knew all the right buttons to push.

 

“Just trying to get to the bottom of the mystery jacket. Maybe I’ll ask Clark and Jason. Maybe one of them left it in Sammy’s room,” Campbell taunted, and with that, he turned and walked off.

 

Grizz was fuming. He turned away so he didn’t have to watch Campbell leave. Grizz ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it in his frustration. He jumped when Luke put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“You alright?” Luke asked.

 

Grizz glanced up and nodded, trying to act normal. “Yeah, whatever. Sam and I are just friends, you know? That fuckhead is just being a dick.”

 

“You know…” Luke said hesitantly, “you can tell me anything, right?”

 

“Fuck, Luke,” Grizz threw his hands up dramatically, “I’m not gay. Are you forgetting when you walked in on me and Carla like, what, two months ago?”

 

Luke nodded, “Right, right. Duh. Sorry, I’m not saying you’re anything. Let’s just get back to others and help them.”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

The two of them left the bus area and headed back over to Jason, Clark and Helena, helping them finish packing up. It wasn’t long before everyone was lining up like a herd of cattle and being shuffled on to the buses. Grizz stuck by Luke’s side, or perhaps Luke was sticking to him. Now that Grizz thought about it, Luke hadn’t left his side since the Campbell incident and Grizz was dying to know what was going through his best friend’s head.

 

Grizz stepped onto the bus before his friends did and when he did, he looked down at the sea of faces, wondering where to sit. His eyes, naturally, locked on Sam’s, who smiled right at him. Sam was sitting by himself with Becca and Kelly in front of him. Grizz wanted to sit next to Sam, he really did, but the mere thought of doing that made his stomach flip, and not in a good way.

 

Grizz kept walking and made it to the back of the bus where a couple of seats were still free. He slid into one of them, with Luke sitting right next to him. Clark and Jason sat in front. They were like a couple of hyperactive toddlers all day and it was giving Grizz a headache. Usually Grizz tried to join in on the fun, but lately, and especially that day, Grizz just wanted to go to bed and hide under the covers.

 

The bus started up and Grizz stared out the window, watching the trees. He decided that if college didn’t work out then he’d just go live in the wilderness where no one could bother him. Perhaps Sam would visit him, or even live with him. Or maybe not. Maybe Grizz would get a dog and live alone his whole life.

 

“So, Grizzy, spill it,” Clark got Grizz’s attention. The high school heart throb of the group was hanging over the back of his chair, eyes focused on Grizz. Jason joined him with a coy smile on his lips.

 

“Did you hook up with Becca last night?” Jason asked.

 

Grizz sighed, and he was just so tired and so done with everything, he just nodded, “yeah, Jason. Sure.”

 

“Dude, how was it?” Jason grinned.

 

Grizz slumped in his seat. He felt like the biggest piece of shit in the history of time. He didn’t know why he kept doing this, why he kept using Becca.

 

“it was just a kiss,” Grizz tried to backtrack.

 

“Just a kiss?” Clark scoffed, “are you fuckin’ gay, dude?”

 

Grizz was so exhausted that he didn’t even care about the comment. He couldn’t even care enough to reply.

 

“Maybe he respects women too much to talk about them like that,” Luke stepped in, “like me, which is why you’ll never find out about what Helena and I do.”

 

“Little miss churchy? Probably not much,” Clark teased.

 

The conversation went on, and Grizz tuned them out. He was thankful to Luke for the change of subject, thankful that the heat wasn’t on him anymore. Grizz rested his head against the cold window and spaced out. It was only when his phone vibrated in his pocket did he come back to reality. When Grizz look down at his screen and saw a text from Sam, he didn’t know whether to open it not. He didn’t _want_ to ignore Sam, but part of him felt like taking a giant step back from him.

 

Grizz opened the text anyway.

 

 **Lucky I have a chess app on my phone to entertain me.** – Sam.

 

 **Sorry. ­–** Grizz.

 

 **Why?** – Sam.

 

 **Because I suck.** – Grizz.

 

 **Want to go to Izzy’s tonight and talk?** – Sam.

 

Grizz stared at his phone for a good five minutes after that text. He wanted to, so badly, but the thought gave him such a sick feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t stop thinking about Campbell’s taunting, and Clark calling him gay, and Luke walking in on them. All Grizz wanted to do was get up, march down the aisle to Sam, kiss him and then tell Campbell to go fuck himself. Instead, he sent a reply that was actually the truth.

 

 **Can’t. Told Gwen I’d go see her.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz watched as the three little dots appeared and disappeared three times before a final text came through.

 

 **Ok cool. Next time. ­** – Sam.

 

Grizz took his headphones out of bag after that and plugged them in to drown out the world around him with music.

 

\---

 

Grizz knocked for a second time on Gwen’s front door. It didn’t look like her parents were home. They rarely were, if Grizz recalled. Clark used to tell him how easy it was hooking up with Gwen since her parents worked long ours and were usually gone on weekends. Grizz just felt sorry for Gwen that she had to spend her time with Clark instead. It wasn’t that Grizz hated Clark. He cared for him, but lately Grizz couldn’t stand the guy.

 

Gwen finally opened the door. She looked a mess, but Grizz would never tell her that. Her hair was in a messy bun. She was pale, red nosed, and had dark circles under her eyes. Gwen gestured at herself, obviously aware of her current state.

 

“You sure you don’t wanna date me?” she joked.

 

“Thought you didn’t like me,” Grizz said with a frown.

 

“Jokes, Grizzy bear, jokes,” Gwen’s voice was nasally and her throat scratchy. That was when Grizz remember why he was there.

 

“I made chicken soup,” he held up the container that was starting to burn his fingers.

 

“You’re such a mom friend,” Gwen said as she stepped aside so Grizz could walk in, and he did so before she swung the door shut.

 

“Your parents not home?” Grizz asked.

 

“Are they ever?” Gwen shot back.

 

“Right. Have you been eating?” he asked.

 

“Too lazy,” Gwen shrugged.

 

“Thought so. That’s why I’m here.” Grizz made his way to the kitchen and helped himself to a bowl and spoon. He dished out the chicken soup and slid the bowl across the counter to where Gwen was already sitting on a stool.

 

“What’d you end up getting up to this weekend?” Grizz asked as he watched Gwen have a spoonful of soup and moan afterwards.

 

“Mm so good,” she complimented, “and well, this weekend, I’ve been sort of talking to this guy.”

 

“Oh, there’s a guy now, isn’t there?” Grizz asked, and he was a little dubious.

 

“We’ve just been chatting online. There’s no way I’d let him see me like this,” she laughed.

 

“Online? You gotta be careful with that sort of thing,” Grizz said, and damn, Gwen was right. He was the mom friend.

 

“We’ve met before, just once. I was doing a tour of Yale and he was one of the guides. He found me on Facebook a few nights ago. His name’s Seth,” she said with the biggest grin on her face.

 

“So, he’s a stalker?” Grizz teased.

 

“Oh, shut up. You’ll understand when you find someone you really like,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz looked down, hiding whatever look might have flashed in his eyes. Grizz wished he could do what Gwen was doing. He would kill to be so open and be able to casually talk about the guy he liked. The thing was, Grizz probably _could_ talk to Gwen about Sam.

 

“Wonder what Clark will say,” Grizz said absent-mindedly.

 

“Screw Clark. I’m sick of him thinking he still has a say in my life,” Gwen snapped.

 

“Okay, fair enough. I’m sure he’ll tone it down eventually. I think he’s just hurt, and like obsessed with you,” Grizz said.

 

“Uh huh,” Gwen rolled her eyes, “anyway, how was camp?”

 

“Okay, I guess,” Grizz murmured.

 

“Just ‘okay’?”

 

“Yeah…” Grizz leant against the counter separating the two of them and looked down at his nails, picking at them.

 

“Grizz…” Gwen spoke, and Grizz could hear the concern in her voice, “are you okay?”

 

Grizz shrugged, and he silently cursed himself for not putting on his usual act, but it was late and he was so, so tired. Too tired to fake it. He looked up at Gwen who had stopped eating, waiting for Grizz to say something, anything, and Grizz said the first thing that came to mind.

 

“I just feel lost,” he breathed out.

 

“Oh babe, did something happen on the trip?” she asked.

 

“I don’t know. I just…I don’t know. It’s just…the guys and…I don’t know,” Grizz was so torn between spilling his guts and just shutting his mouth.

 

“You can talk to me,” Gwen completely discarded her soup and walked around the counter to where Grizz was. Grizz sighed and ran his hands over his face, shaking his head.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Okay…but just so you know, you’re like literally everyone’s favorite in the group,” Gwen said, and Grizz looked to her with raised eyebrows.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you’re Luke’s best friend, Jason thinks you’re the smartest person in the world, and Clark idolizes you. He may not show it, but he does, so like, if this is about the guys then I’m sure everything will be fine and they’ll get over it,” Gwen told him.

 

Grizz didn’t see himself the way his friends did, and he was pretty sure Gwen was over-dramatizing things. It didn’t matter anyway because his friends had nothing to ‘get over’. It was Grizz that had to try and get over the mess of feelings inside him.

 

“I just want everyone to leave me the fuck alone,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“I’ll drink to that. Wanna get high?” Gwen asked out of nowhere.

 

“You’re sick,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“So?”

 

“So, we have school tomorrow.”

 

“And?”

 

Grizz thought about it for a moment, and no, he wasn’t a stoner. He only got high at parties, but at that moment he took Gwen up on her offer just so he could shut his brain off for a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! And enduring Grizz's inner battle with himself. It won't be like this forever. I promise.


	9. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 recap: Grizz woke up in a tent with Sam. Luke saw. Luke is suspicious but Grizz lied lied LIED to seem straight. Campbell was a dick. Grizz kept using Becca as a beard. Grizz hung out with Gwen. Grizz is a mess.

Grizz didn’t feel like himself for the entire week following the camping trip. The week before, spending every afternoon with Sam, was an absolute blessing to Grizz, and they grew closer as friends to the point where Grizz felt comfortable enough to come out to him. Grizz was supposed to want to be around Sam more, right? Instead, he found himself keeping his distance.

 

On Monday afternoon Grizz went to environmental committee and it wasn’t like he was purposely avoiding Sam at that point, but when it was time to partner up and Grizz was standing next to Kelly, he didn’t exactly put up a fight to move closer to be paired with Sam. And when Sam asked afterwards if he wanted to go to Izzy’s like they had done every afternoon last week, Grizz said he was sorry, but he was busy. It was a lie, and he hated lying to Sam.

 

The following day Sam texted Grizz during last period and asked him if he had plans after football practice that day, and when Grizz replied that he was tired and just wanted to go home, he realized he was actively avoiding Sam and he couldn’t help it because the thought of hanging out with Sam made his anxiety sky-rocket.

 

On Wednesday, Sam texted Grizz again while he was in class, and Grizz told himself that he’d make up an excuse and reply after class, but he forgot, or maybe he forgot on purpose. That afternoon he saw Sam walking home with Becca, and Grizz figured that Sam was better off with a good friend like Becca, not a coward like himself.

 

On Thursday afternoon Grizz felt the worst he had all week. Sam didn’t text him at all that day, and Grizz didn’t blame him. It wasn’t like Grizz was giving much back in communication at all. The last nail in the coffin was when Grizz went out to his car and found his varsity jacket on the hood. Somehow it felt like his and Sam’s friendship was over and done with, and it was all Grizz’s fault.

 

Grizz went home that night, locked himself in his room and wallowed in self-pity, which he knew he completely deserved in the first place. He just felt so sick about everything. The thing was though, Grizz felt more sick about losing his friendship with Sam, than he felt when he thought about hanging out with Sam and people finding out he’s gay. That night Grizz decided that he had to make things right again. He never felt more alive than when he talked to Sam and he needed that back.

 

It was Friday morning and Grizz walked into school with a different attitude. Of course, he was still scared about being found out, but was hiding himself really worth it when he jeopardized his moral integrity and his happiness? Or Sam’s for that matter, not that Grizz thought he made Sam happy, but he knew Sam had to have been mad at him for the way Grizz treated him. There had to be a balance Grizz could find, where he could still be friends with Sam but not have to come out. He would figure it out.

 

Grizz was on a mission to find Sam, and being the Sam enthusiast that Grizz had been for the last couple years, he knew exactly where to find the object of his desires; at Sam’s locker. Okay, so maybe Grizz wasn’t exactly a detective.

 

Grizz was right. Sam was leaning against his locker and talking to Becca, just like they did every morning. Grizz didn’t really know how to approach Sam. He had never been in a situation like this before, so he decided to act as casual as he could.

 

“Hey,” Grizz greeted Becca because Sam’s back was to him. When Sam noticed Becca looking behind him, he turned, his gaze falling on Grizz in a stoic expression. Grizz waved and gave an awkward smile, and signed, ‘Hi, Sam’.

 

Sam signed back quickly, not talking, and Grizz watched carefully but it was too fast, and then Sam was gone, walking down the hall. Grizz’s stomach dropped as he looked at Becca who remained.

 

“All I got was ‘hi Grizz’, and something about going somewhere?” Grizz asked.

 

“To class,” Becca nodded, “and honestly, do you blame him for not wanting to talk to you?”

 

“What’d I do?” Grizz asked dumbly. Really, he just wanted to see what Becca knew.

 

“Look, he hasn’t told me about your little confession on Saturday night, but he did say you don’t wanna talk to him anymore,” she said. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave Grizz the sternest look. He felt like he was getting in trouble with his mom.

 

“That’s not true. I just…I don’t know,” Grizz sighed.

 

“Well, get your shit together because he’s been miserable all week,” Becca said. Grizz felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

 

“He has?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“But…but why? We’re just friends. Friends are, like, too busy for each other sometimes, and it’s only been like 5 days, and it’s not like we’re dating,” Grizz rambled and honestly he just wanted to find an excuse to make himself feel better.

 

Becca’s face went red in anger as she huffed and ran her fingers through her hair. She glared at Grizz and Grizz was a little scared off her, he had to admit.

 

“Fuck, you’re so stupid, Grizz!” she snapped at him.

 

She stormed off down the hall after that and Grizz was left watching her.

 

“What?!” he called out, “what’s that supposed to mean?! Becca!”

 

All Becca did was wave her arms in the air in frustration and kept going. Grizz was just confused, and also realized he just shouted at Becca down the hallway and people were looking at him like they just had an argument, which he guessed was sort of true.

 

“The fuck are you looking at, Dewey?” Grizz grumbled.

 

Dewey, the scrawny kid who desperately tried to fuse himself into Harry’s popular rich kid group, didn’t say a word as he scurried away. Everyone else went back to what they were doing, and a grumbling Grizz headed off down the hall to the first class of the day; English.

 

The bell rang loudly through the building just as Grizz walked into the classroom. A few people were already in there, including the only person he bothered to talk to in English class; Elle. She had her head down as Grizz walked over to her, and when he sat down, he had to lean over to try and catch her gaze.

 

“Earth to Elle, you with me?” Grizz chuckled because she seemed a bit dazed.

 

“Yeah, hey Grizz,” Elle said in her usual soft voice.

 

It was only when Elle glanced up quickly did Grizz notice the dark patch underneath her left eye. It was purple in color, an obvious bruise, and poorly concealed with make-up. Grizz looked around to make sure no-one was paying attention to them before scooting closer to her.

 

“What happened to your eye?” Grizz whispered.

 

“Oh, nothing,” Elle looked up with a smile, “I just dropped my phone on my face last night while laying down in bed. Happens a lot, you know?”

 

Grizz nodded slowly, and he wasn’t quite sure if he believed it. Grizz didn’t know if his hatred of Campbell made him think that Campbell had something to do with this, or if it was the fact that Elle’s tone was the same one Grizz used when he was giving his “oh yeah, I’m totally straight and love women” comments.

 

Grizz didn’t have a chance to talk to Elle for the rest of class because the teacher walked in all too soon. It wasn’t until the bell rang and they packed up their things that he had the chance again. Grizz always walked Elle to her next class because his was right next door to hers.

 

“You must have a pretty heavy phone,” Grizz said as he caught up to Elle in the hall. She had tried to make a quick escape. Another red flag to Grizz.

 

“I just bruise easily,” Elle said, and Grizz had to give her props for sounding so casual.

 

“You’re probably gonna need to touch up that make up if you wanna keep it somewhat hidden,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, yeah. I will at lunch. Thanks,” she said sweetly.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he could just ask her if Campbell did it, no matter what his gut feeling said. If he was wrong, he could look like a complete idiot. Although, what was worse? Looking like an idiot or letting your friend get hit by her boyfriend. Grizz was about to question her more when none other than Campbell came up to them and swung his arm around Elle’s shoulder.

 

“Hey Baby-doll,” Campbell spoke before kissing Elle’s temple as they walked, “what are you guys talking about?”

 

“Just the bruise under your girlfriend’s eye,” Grizz said without thinking. Campbell stopped, making Elle stop with him, and Grizz wasn’t going to back down so he stood his ground, stopping there in the middle of the hallway with them.

 

“Oh right, she’s so clumsy. Always running into doors in the dark,” Campbell said, giving Elle a warm smile, and Grizz wasn’t buying it.

 

Grizz almost called Campbell out on the lie, but then he caught the flash of fear in Elle’s eyes and the small shake of her head, and Grizz realized that calling Elle out on her lie would probably only get her in trouble. At the same time though, Grizz wanted Campbell to know that he knew something wasn’t right here.

 

“Sure she did,” Grizz said.

 

Campbell took the bait. Grizz could tell from the trademark smirk that played on the complete psychopath’s face.

 

“Elle, Babe. You run along to class. The big boys need to chat,” Campbell said, his eyes not leaving Grizz’s.

 

Elle didn’t say anything. She shuffled off down the hall, leaving Grizz and Campbell there staring at each other, and Grizz had no idea how he had gotten himself so involved with Campbell, but he hated it. He wanted nothing to do with the guy.

 

“Listen, Grizz, my buddy. I have to say that I am getting a _little teeny tiny_ bit annoyed with you trying to like, what, intersect yourself into mine and my girlfriend’s lives,” Campbell said, his voice layered thick with fake kindness that Grizz saw straight through.

 

“I’m just concerned about my friend, that’s all,” Grizz said.

 

“There’s nothing to be concerned about. The girl is a klutz, always hurting herself,” Campbell said, and the fake nice tone was gone, replaced by a harsher, impatient one.

 

“Why so defensive, Campbell? Trying to hide something?” Grizz asked.

 

“Are you? You fucking fag,” Campbell retorted.

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Grizz said in a low voice.

 

“And neither do you, so how about you,” Campbell poked Grizz hard in the chest before going on, “stay the fuck out of my business and I’ll stay the fuck out of yours.”

 

If Grizz had a choice of keeping his secret or keeping Elle safe, he would pick keeping Elle safe and away from Campbell any day of the week. As Grizz stood there though, staring down at Campbell, he wondered what the fuck he was supposed to do. Elle made it clear she wasn’t going to speak out against Campbell, and Grizz had no proof. He just had a feeling in his gut. A strong feeling. A feeling he knew was right. Grizz couldn’t do anything until Elle wanted to.

 

“Fucking touch me again and I’ll-"

 

“You’ll what?” Campbell taunted, “you’ll hit me?”

 

Campbell grinned and backed away from Grizz, and all Grizz could do was keep walking down the hall and try to shake the feeling he got about Campbell and Elle. All he could do was keep an eye on her and hope he was wrong about their relationship.  

 

\---

 

Lunch time rolled around and today wasn’t going the way Grizz wanted it to. Sam didn’t want to talk to him. Campbell was, in true Campbell fashion, a complete dick, and Grizz was about to find out Clark _still_ had a problem with Gwen being his friend. It wasn’t entirely Grizz’s fault though because it turned out Gwen felt like being a bitch that day.

 

“Do you guys have any idea how hard it is to do a fucking biology assignment about a trip you didn’t even go on?” Gwen complained.

 

“I can help you,” Clark said, and maybe he was just being nice, but his tone said he was just trying to make himself look like a hero.

 

“I’d rather get help from someone with a brain,” Gwen remarked and turned to Grizz, batting her eyelashes, “Grizz…”

 

And fuck. Did she even realize she was doing this? Did she realize this would just make Clark more paranoid about the two of them? Grizz was pretty sure Gwen was doing this on purpose just to annoy Clark, like some kind of post break-up war.

 

“I’ll give you my notes later. Just copy and change the words,” Grizz said.

 

“Thank you, Grizzy,” Gwen said sweetly.

 

Clark was shooting daggers at Grizz, so all Grizz could do was shuffle a little away from Gwen and invest himself in his lunch, which he didn’t even feel like eating because he felt like absolute shit about how this day was going. Grizz was in a mood. He had been in one all week and he didn’t feel like himself. It was like someone else had inhabited his body and he was trapped in his head, watching himself be the worst version of himself.

 

“Grizz,” Jason snapped his fingers in front of Grizz’s eyes, making the boy look up. He wondered how long he was sitting there contemplating life for.

 

“Sorry, yeah?” Grizz asked.

 

“I asked if you’re playing Fugitives tomorrow. You still haven’t told us,” Jason said.

 

Fugitives was a game they, and most of the junior and senior classes played every couple of months. It was Harry who started it, and Grizz’s friends who continued it. Everyone would gather at Centurion park at midnight and be split into cops or fugitives. The fugitives had a task to do within two hours which changed every time they played, and the cops had to catch them.

 

“Midnight, right?” Grizz asked.

 

“You should invite Becca,” Clark said.

 

“And her friends,” Luke threw in.

 

Grizz thought about it, and well sure, he could invite Becca, and maybe Becca would invite Sam, but Grizz really needed to make things right with Sam first.

 

“Sure,” Grizz nodded, before taking his phone out of his pocket, only he didn’t text Becca like they all thought he was doing. He opened his messages to Sam.

 

 **Izzy’s?** – Grizz.

 

Grizz looked over at Sam’s usual table, and there he was, sitting with Becca and also Kelly for a change. Grizz watched him as Sam realized he had a message and looked at his phone. Grizz’s heart tightened, and when Sam glanced up at him, Grizz dropped his gaze, not being able to bear seeing in Sam’s eyes whether he hated him or not.

 

 **Dunno. Might be busy.** ­– Sam.

 

 **Please?** – Grizz.

 

 **Don’t you have practice?** – Sam.

 

 **After that.** – Grizz

 

 **Too late and cold.** – Sam.

 

Grizz sighed and closed out of the messages. He really fucked up. What else did Grizz expect though? He was a shit friend. He needed to make it up to Sam somehow, and it looked like he wasn’t going to get Sam to talk to him any time soon. Grizz sat there for the entirety of lunch, ignoring his friends and trying to think of something he could do. And then it came to him. He opened his messages again, but this time to Becca.

 

  **Don’t let tell him I’m asking you this, but do you know Sam’s locker combo?** – Grizz.

 

The reply came only seconds later.

 

 **Why? What are you gonna do?** – Becca.

 

 **Try and fix things.** – Grizz.

 

 **You better. 5, 32, 9.** – Becca.

 

 **Thank you!** – Grizz.

**\---**

**  
** Grizz left the locker rooms after football practice with Luke, Jason and Clark. Grizz was nervous. He hoped Sam would accept his peace offering and be at his car waiting, just like they used to. Either that or Sam would think Grizz was an idiot. When they got to the car park, it was empty except for the other football players getting in their cars and leaving, or walking home. No Sam.

 

“See you at Fugitives, okay Grizzy?” Jason asked.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll see you then. Later guys,” Grizz said, trying to sound like he wasn’t disappointed.

 

“Later Grizz,” Luke said, and they all said their goodbyes to each other, going their separate ways.

 

Grizz got to his car, and was so unbelievably lonely. He really thought Sam would be here, or at least he hoped he would. Grizz sighed and got in his car, sitting in the passenger seat. He took his phone from his pocket to see if he had any messages. He didn’t have any from Sam, but he did have one from Becca.

 

 **THAT WAS SO FUCKING CUTE. WHAT THE FUCK. GET MARRIED ALREADY!!!!!!!** – Becca.

 

Grizz blushed. He hoped Becca had been the only one to see what he did. He hoped Sam found it as cute as Becca did, then again, maybe his gesture was _too_ cute. What if Sam found it weird, like it was some romantic gesture. Wait, _was it_ a romantic gesture? Grizz was over-thinking this way too much and his thoughts were only cut off when he heard the passenger side door open.

 

Grizz looked up in hope, his heart beating erratically, and then there Sam was, getting into his car, and wearing Grizz’s varsity jacket that Grizz left in Sam’s locker with a note attached. Grizz watched him carefully, trying to gauge whether Sam was mad at him or not. The other boy looked at Grizz with piercing blue eyes, and perhaps Grizz was imagining it, but he was sure he saw a small smile too.

 

“I got your note,” Sam said and signed.

 

“Too cheesy?” Grizz asked.

 

“Just the right amount of cheese,” Sam said.

 

Grizz had left his jacket in Sam’s locker with a note taped on it saying _‘in case you get cold’_. Grizz was a little proud of himself for that, but he was so nervous at the same time.

 

“Thanks for coming,” Grizz said.

 

Sam just shrugged, not saying a word. Grizz had explaining to do, and while he wasn’t ready to tell Sam he had a crush on him, he owed him something. It could wait until they got to their usual spot in the parking lot of Izzy’s though.

 

Grizz started up his car and the two of them drove in silence. Grizz had to think of this as making up with a friend, not making up with a boyfriend like he seemed to be doing. He just had to apologize and hope Sam would just understand. Grizz felt like he knew Sam. He trusted Sam. He had to forgive him for shutting him out. Grizz didn’t know what he’d do otherwise. Yeah, Grizz definitely didn’t feel like he was just making up with a friend.

 

When they got to the parking lot of Izzy’s, at the back in their usual spot, they both undid their seatbelts, but neither of them made a move to get out of the car. Grizz didn’t feel like ice-cream anyway. He wanted to talk.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz started, turning to Sam who wasn’t watching him. Grizz touched the boy’s shoulder, making him look up. Grizz signed to Sam that he was sorry.

 

“I don’t get it, Grizz. You came out to me then you don’t want to be friends anymore?” Sam asked, confusion all over his face.

 

“No, that’s not it. I want to be your friend. I’m just dumb,” Grizz said.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz chewed on his bottom lip and tried to think of how to word this without letting on to the fact that he had a giant crush on Sam and didn’t want anyone to find out, all the while trying to not sound like a complete dick.

 

“Luke saw us in the tent. I just…didn’t want him to get the wrong idea,” Grizz said.

 

“And what’s the right idea?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz froze at the question. Was Sam asking him what they were to each other? Grizz couldn’t comprehend, and he couldn’t answer. He felt like he was stuck in quicksand and was desperately trying to find a way out. And Sam was looking at him with kind eyes, not angry ones, and Grizz had to dodge answering the question, because he just _couldn’t._

“You’re the first person I’ve ever come out to. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” Grizz whimpered and if only Sam could hear how pathetically desperate his voice sounded, but he was sure Sam could see it on his face.

 

“Just be…you,” Sam said.   

 

“I can’t,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“So…you don’t want to hang out anymore?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz’s eyes widened as he shook his head, “I do. I do. I…I’m a fucking idiot, Sam. For worrying about what Luke thinks. I just needed to get my head straight.”

 

“But you aren’t straight,” Sam teased.

 

Grizz laughed and felt himself relax, because if Sam was joking then things were okay, right? Grizz really wanted to just reach over to Sam and hold his hand, but he didn’t. He rested his head on the headrest and watched Sam fondly.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Grizz said.

 

“I know,” Sam nodded and went on, “do you want to come over tomorrow. We can practice more ASL?”

 

And Grizz was going to say yes, but he had a better idea.

 

“Actually…I was wondering if you wanted to play Fugitives tomorrow night,” Grizz asked.

 

“Mmm, no,” Sam shook his head.

 

“Why not?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’d like to, but…I’d be a Fugitive as a new player,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Running around in the dark where I can’t see or hear with people chasing me?” Sam said.

 

And Grizz felt like an idiot for not realizing that might be a problem. The thing was, Grizz really, really wanted Sam to play. He had always wanted Sam to play. He always hoped he would just turn up one night but never did. There was only one solution to this little problem.

 

“Give me a minute,” Grizz said and took out his phone. He opened it to the group message he had with Jason, Clark and Luke. He added Harry who was one of the organizers and messaged them.

 

 **Hey guys, I have an idea. Can we change the time of fugitives to the afternoon?** – Grizz.

 

 **What kind of dumb idea is that? –** Harry.

 

 **Yeah idk man why?** – Jason.

 

 **It’s more of a challenge right? Fugitives can’t hide as well in the day time. –** Grizz.

 

 **True…** \- Luke.

 

 **Still fucking stupid –** Harry.

 

 **Come on guys, I’m sick of doing the same shit every time. Let’s switch it up. –** Grizz.

 

 **AGREED! –** Clark.

 

 **Seriously Clark? Tf?** – Harry.

 

 **Grizz is right. I’ll be a challenge for the fugitives. Then we have time to party at mine after.** – Clark.

 

 **You had me at Party. Let’s do it. –** Luke.

 

 **PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!** **–** Jason.

 

 **Fuckin fine! I’ll send out a new invite on FB. But if it sucks it’s Grizz’s fault.** – Harry.

 

Grizz grinned at the screen and closed out of the messages. He looked back up at Sam who was watching him curiously.

 

“There, it’s changed to the afternoon now. Now you don’t have an excuse,” Grizz said.

 

“What?”

 

“I texted the guys. They said they’ll change the time,” Grizz explained.

 

“Because of me?” Sam asked.

 

“Well, I didn’t say that, but yeah,” Grizz nodded.

 

“I didn’t even agree to go,” Sam said.

 

“Please…”

 

Sam looked unsure, and Grizz just really, really wanted to spend time with him. Plus, he didn’t want to look like an idiot for changing the time for no reason.

 

“Aren’t you and your friends always the cops?” Sam asked.

 

“Usually. But…what if I be a fugitive with you?” Grizz offered.

 

“Really?”

 

Grizz smiled and nodded because he was thinking about how he could spend an entire afternoon running around with Sam by his side.

 

“It’ll be fun,” Grizz said.

 

“Promise you won’t abandon me,” Sam said, his eyes narrowing sceptically at Grizz.

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Grizz promised.

 

Sam went quiet, chewing on his bottom lip. And fuck, if Grizz hadn’t wanted to kiss Sam before then he really did now. Grizz didn’t make a move though.

 

“Okay, I’ll go. I’ve always wanted to play. Never really been invited,” Sam said.

 

“You can invite Becca, and Kelly or Gordie too, if you want,” Grizz said.

 

“I don’t think it’s really their thing,” Sam said.

 

“Okay,” Grizz nodded, “just us then.”

 

Sam smiled, and it just felt like everything was back to normal again. The day really had turned around from the shit morning Grizz had.

 

“Your signing is getting better, by the way,” Sam said, pointing to Grizz’s hands which had been signing, or at least trying to sign, as he spoke.

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Yeah. In no time you’ll be able to sign well enough to your cousin,” Sam said.

 

“Right, right,” Grizz nodded. Sometimes he forgot about his imaginary cousin.

 

“When are they visiting, anyway?” Sam asked.

 

“Uh, next month,” Grizz lied.

 

And Grizz wanted to tell Sam the truth, that there was no cousin and he just really wanted to talk to Sam, but Grizz was afraid. He was afraid of Sam knowing he liked him, but more than anything, he was afraid that Sam would be mad at him for lying to him about it, and the two were already on rocky ground and had only just made up, so Grizz decided to keep his mouth shut.

 

The two of them sat there for the next couple of hours just chatting, nothing too heavy, mostly about what they had missed out of each other’s lives for the past week, and Grizz felt his anxiety leaving him with every second he was around Sam, and he just felt right again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Get ready for Fugitives next chapter ;)


	10. Fugitives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 recap: Grizz distanced himself from Sam after the camping trip, only to realize he was being a bad friend and made things right again. Grizz is still suspicious about Campbell and Elle's relationship and things got a little heated between Campbell and Grizz. You know what else is heated? Sam's body because Grizz gave him his varsity jacket as a peace offering. Grizz invited Sam to play Fugitives.

It was Saturday afternoon and Grizz found himself amongst the other fugitives, listening to Harry explain the rules of the game. The aim as a fugitive was to basically not get caught, and the aim of the cops was to catch as many fugitives as they could. The adults in town didn’t really like when they played this game in the first place, and that was even when most of them didn’t know about it because it was played at midnight. Now that they were doing it in broad daylight, they’d all have more of a challenge of not getting into trouble.

 

It wasn’t dangerous and they weren’t exactly breaking any laws running around the streets. Most of the cops rode their bikes or went on foot. They had a rule of no cars after Clark almost ran over Jason last year. The only law they would break was when they had to break into places, but Harry made sure they changed locations every time they played so it was harder for the real police to track.

 

Grizz tuned Harry out because he already knew the rules. He was messaging the boys all about it last night. Luke, Jason and Clark all couldn’t believe Grizz was giving up on being one of the cops for the first time. Grizz just told them he was bored with being a cop. Running around with Sam as a fugitive seemed like a lot more fun, not that Grizz was going to tell his friends that though.

 

Grizz had been impatiently waiting for Sam to show up. Last night their friendship had gotten back on track. Things were back to normal, or at least Grizz hoped they were. He was beginning to doubt himself though as time ticked by and Sam still hadn’t shown up, but those fears went away the moment he noticed Sam’s dark red hair through the crowd. Grizz smiled and waved him over.

 

“Hey, almost thought you weren’t coming,” Grizz said to him.

 

“I don’t bail on my friends,” Sam shot back with an innocent smile.

 

“Okay, I deserved that,” Grizz couldn’t help but smile back.

 

Grizz turned his attention back to Harry who was wrapping up his little speech.

 

“Fugitives! You have a three minute head start! I’d suggest you all get running! Go! Move it!” Harry’s voice boomed. Within a few seconds the fugitives had scattered and Grizz looked to Sam with a sudden burst of adrenaline coursing through his veins.

 

“Can you run fast?” Grizz asked.

 

“Sort of?”

 

“Follow me,” Grizz said, and once he was sure Sam was actually going to follow him, he set off on foot, jogging at first then picking up into a run with Sam only trailing a little bit behind. Some days Grizz was thankful that his mom put him in football so he had some level of athleticism, although it did seem to come to him naturally. He actually wasn’t sure if Sam was good at any sports though.

 

Grizz looked around as they ran down the main street. Other fugitives were up ahead, most paired off in groups of two, three or more. Pedestrians were watching the teenagers running around like they were crazy, but no one cared. There were a few cares honking angrily and Grizz decided they needed to get off the main road.

 

Grizz stopped and checked his watch. The three minutes were up and it wouldn’t be long before the cops would catch up to them. Grizz looked to Sam who was huffing and puffing, his hands on his knees as he bent over slightly to rest. Grizz felt a little bad, but he also felt like teasing Sam.

 

“Not into sports, are you?” Grizz asked when Sam looked up at him.

 

“I hate you,” Sam breathed heavily, “you said this would be fun.”

 

“It will be. Promise,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz took Sam’s hand and pulled him off the sidewalk and between two buildings, away from where the cops could easily spot them. He led the boy, who was still trying to catch his breath, down the alleyway, further and further away from the crowds.

 

“I missed Harry explaining the rules,” Sam said.

 

Grizz stopped and turned, looking at Sam. Of course Sam didn’t know what was going on. Sam had never played before and it would have been impossible for him to read Harry’s lips even if he had turned up on time. Grizz glanced around, making sure they weren’t at risk of being spotted, before tugging on Sam’s hand and pulling him into an alcove embedded in the brick wall of the building.

 

Sam leant against the building and it took everything in Grizz’s power to not step forward and kiss Sam right then and there. He cleared his mind. Today wasn’t about that. No day would ever be about that. Today Grizz was trying to just be friends with Sam and make up for being a dick.

 

“We gotta break into the school,” Grizz explained.

 

“Aren’t there alarms?” Sam asked.

 

“No. Never is. Budget cuts, I guess,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“So, we get into the school, then what?” Sam asked, and it made Grizz so happy that Sam actually seemed excited about this, because Grizz loved playing this game, no matter how stupid it was. It was always a lot of fun and he was glad to know that Sam didn’t feel like he was being dragged along, even if Grizz had literally been physically dragging him on. Speaking of which, Grizz was still holding Sam’s hand, but he pretended he didn’t notice.

 

“We need to get to the music classrooms, steal an instrument and get back to the park without being caught,” Grizz said.

 

“Caught like they see us? Won’t that be easy in the daylight?” Sam asked.

 

“Not necessarily,” Grizz shook his head, “Getting caught means they physically have to tag you. Then they cuff you and take you back to the park where the jail is.”

 

“Cuff us?”

 

“Yeah, with handcuffs,” Grizz said like it was obvious.

 

“Actual handcuffs?” Sam asked with the most adorable expression and tilt of his head. Grizz really wanted to kiss him.

 

“Most have those cheap ones you get from Halloween store, but I got real ones. I leant them to Gwen today,” Grizz explained.

 

“You own actual handcuffs?” Sam asked, his eyebrows lifted in curiosity.

 

“Uh huh,” Grizz nodded, “now, come on. We have some ground to make up.”

 

Grizz kept his hand firmly clasped around Sam’s as he led them through the alleyway to the back of the stretch of buildings. West Ham wasn’t a very big town so they could easily get to the high school on foot. Grizz wasn’t particularly in a rush. He enjoyed the feel of Sam’s hand in his and hoped to God that Sam didn’t realize how hot and clammy his hands were.

 

As Sam fell into step beside Grizz, neither of them made a movement to let go of their other person’s hand. It wasn’t like there was anyone around where they were that Grizz had to hide from. They weren’t anywhere near the main road that most of the other fugitives ran down. The other popular option was the woodlands surrounding town, but no one thought of taking the route Grizz and Sam had.

 

Soon, Grizz’s hand was no longer clasped over Sam’s palm, but instead, somehow, their fingers laced together, and Grizz had no idea if it was him that did it or Sam. Grizz didn’t even know how he felt. All he knew was that his heart was racing from nerves, but he couldn’t figure out if it they were good nerves or his normal nerves where he was terrified of what was happening between the two of them.

 

The two boys got to the road the school was on. They were still behind the buildings and Grizz poked his head around the corner, assessing the situation. He really did take this game seriously. When he saw the coast was clear, he pulled Sam along out into the open and quickly scurried over to a truck parked on the road. Grizz reluctantly let go of Sam’s hand as they crouched down on the road between the front of the truck, and car parked in front of it.

 

“Why aren’t we going in?” Sam questioned.

 

“Everyone usually bolts in right away. If we wait here for a while we wait until most the cops have caught fugitives and have taken them back. So, we can go in with less cops,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re serious about this game, huh?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz shrugged but nodded at the same time, “I’ve never been a fugitive before. It’s kind of fun.”

 

Grizz looked past the truck to see some of the other fugitives running right up to the front door of the school. Grizz rolled his eyes. Amateurs. It was Grizz’s first time being a fugitive and he wasn’t even dumb enough to go right up to the front door like that. Grizz was right because a moment later some of the cops appeared, chasing the fugitives. For a little while Grizz watched as fugitives and cops ran around the front of the school with some even making it inside, and Grizz noticed being brought out minutes later by cops that had run in too. Harry must have somehow gotten the front doors unlocked to make this possible.

 

“So, you wanna tell me why you own actual handcuffs?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz looked back at him with a sly smile, and perhaps he was just in a playful mood that afternoon, but Grizz had relaxed so much just being in Sam’s presence that he couldn’t help but flirt a little. It wouldn’t hurt, right?

 

“Why do you think I own them?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam’s cheeks went a tint of pink and Grizz wanted to reach out and touch the boy’s skin. He wanted to run his fingertips along the soft plumpness of Sam’s cheeks and bring his face to his and give him a real reason to blush. Grizz pushed the thoughts from his mind.

 

“You like to tie people up?” Sam asked.

 

“No,” Grizz smiled, “I mean, maybe. Who knows? But seriously, I kind of went through this phase.”

 

“A phase? You wanted to be a cop?”

 

“No.”

 

Sam gazed at Grizz with prying eyes, and Grizz knew he dug himself into a hole and he had to admit the truth, even if it did make him look like a loser.

 

“A magician, actually,” Grizz said.

 

Sam snorted in laughter. Grizz’s mouth dropped open in mock hurt. Grizz didn’t think his desire to be a magician was that ridiculous. He saw an act on a talent show and became obsessed one summer. Everyone had their hobbies. Grizz’s were usually just a little bit different, or at least unexpected from someone like him.

 

“So…Scouts, gardening and magic. You are a nerd,” Sam teased.

 

“Shut up,” Grizz laughed and pushed Sam, who lost his balance and fell to the ground. Sam didn’t seem to mind though. He just kept on smiling.

 

“What? It’s cute. Little Grizz as a kid trying to do magic,” Sam said.

 

“Actually, it was, like, two years ago,” Grizz admitted sheepishly.

 

“I think that’s even cuter,” Sam said.

 

 Grizz’s heart swelled and he just couldn’t look at Sam in that moment because he knew his feelings would be a dead give-away, if they weren’t already. Instead, Grizz looked back over at the school and took note of how it seemed pretty quiet now. The mad rush was over, and now they stood a chance. Grizz looked back at Sam who was already staring back at him.

 

“Let’s make a move. Follow me,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz didn’t take Sam’s hand again, but Sam kept close to him as they crossed the street and headed around to the side of the school building. He took Sam around the back and found the window of his English classroom that everyone knew had a broken lock.

 

“Sneaky,” Sam said as Grizz pushed the window up.

 

Grizz turned back to Sam and nodded, “the sneakiest. It’s your last chance to back out before committing a crime, by the way.”

 

“No way,” Sam said and stepped forward. The boy hoisted himself up onto the ledge and easily climbed through the window without the help of Grizz, and Grizz was only a little turned on.

 

Grizz was less graceful than Sam. He pulled himself through the window but ended up losing his balance and going hands first into the floor, followed by the rest of his body. He heard Sam laughing above him as he rolled onto his back.

 

‘Not funny,’ Grizz signed.

 

‘Sorry.’ Sam signed back.

 

Sam offered his hand to Grizz who took it gratefully, letting Sam help him up. Once again, neither boy let go of the other’s hand. It was taking everything in Grizz’s will power to not touch Sam more, to not just put his arm around his waist and kiss his lips, his neck, his collarbone. Fuck, Grizz wanted Sam so damn much and he didn’t know how he was going to continue being just friends.

 

Grizz decided to distract himself by playing the game instead. He led Sam through the English classroom to the door and stopped, listening for anyone that might be outside. He could hear footsteps thumping along above him, and voices below, but he couldn’t hear anything directly outside the door.

 

Grizz signalled for Sam to stay quiet as he opened the door. Poking his head out, Grizz noted that the coast was clear. The two of them went out into the hall. The music classroom was basement level so they just had to get to a set of stairs, which were located on both the West and East sides of the building. They were in the middle.

 

Sam stayed close to Grizz, almost pressed against Grizz’s back each time Grizz paused to look around a corner before going out. The adrenaline pumping through Grizz’s veins was back but he wasn’t quite sure it was purely because of the game.

 

Grizz poked his head around a third corner and halted in his step when he saw Harry and one of the other girls in the junior class, Allie, at the end of the hall. Grizz was about to rush back out of sight but it was too late. Allie saw him.

 

“Hey! Freeze, fuckers!” she shouted.

 

Grizz turned to Sam with wide eyes. “Busted. Run.”

 

Grizz let go of Sam’s hand as the two of them sprinted back down the hall. He could hear Allie and Harry on their trail and it would only be a matter of time before they caught up, even if Grizz and Sam were faster runners than them. The thing was, Sam wasn’t as fast as Grizz, which gave Grizz an idea. When they got to the end of a hall that split left and right, Grizz stopped, taking Sam’s hand so he’d look at him.

 

“Go that way. Meet me at the library. I’ll lose them,” Grizz said quickly, but not too quickly because Sam seemed to understand. He nodded and Grizz pushed him out of sight. Grizz watched on as Sam ran down the hall, and then he turned, just in time for Allie and Harry to round the corner. The two paused when they noticed Grizz wasn’t running anymore.

 

“Come on guys, you really think you can outrun me?!” Grizz asked cockily.

 

“You’re gonna get it Visser!” Harry shouted, walking towards him.

 

“Oh please, Allie would catch me before you do,” Grizz taunted.

 

They both took the bait, the challenge alive in their eyes, and then Grizz ran for his damn life. He headed in the opposite direction as Sam, aiming for the West wing staircase. Without Sam making him trail a little, Grizz was fast, really fast. Grizz was humble but he knew he was the fastest on the football team on a good day.

 

Grizz got to the stairs and ran up them two at a time. He was up two flights when he had an idea. He stopped and hid in the small space underneath the stairs, hoping that Harry and Allie didn’t find him because he really didn’t want his day with Sam to end so soon.

 

Harry and Allie’s quick footsteps sounded on the stairs as they trampled up them one by one. Grizz held his breath, crouching down to make himself as small as possible. He watched as the two cops ran straight past him and listened on as they stopped on the stairs directly above him.

 

“Where the fuck did he go?” Allie asked.

 

“I don’t know. This way?” Harry spoke, and then Grizz listened as their footsteps continued on and eventually faded until he couldn’t hear them any longer.

 

Grizz smiled and crawled out of his hiding place. He was eager to get down to the library. He felt bad for splitting with Sam and hoped Sam didn’t think he ditched him, or even worse, he hoped Sam didn’t get caught. Damn it, they should’ve just stayed together, Grizz thought.

 

Grizz headed down the stairs, just down one level to where the library was. He knew there wouldn’t be many people on that level, if any at all. The music room was a few levels below so nobody had a reason to be up where he was, unless they were hiding from cops.

 

Grizz went to the familiar double doors of the library. It was his favorite place in the building, almost like a sanctuary to him, which was why he suggested Sam meet him there. As he walked in, he listened out for any sounds and couldn’t hear a single soul. It was a decent sized library with row upon row of ceiling high shelving, sitting areas and desks for when classes were brought in.

 

Grizz headed past the front desk and searched for any sign that Sam was there. As he headed past each row of books, his stomach plummeted further and further, because it really didn’t look like he made it there. That was probably why Grizz jumped a mile and his heart leapt into his throat when he felt two hands cover his eyes from behind.

 

Spinning around on his heel, Grizz was quick to latch onto the wrist of the assailant. He thought it was one of the cops, but no, his heartbeat evened out when he saw it was Sam, who was laughing quietly at him with so much amusement in his eyes that Grizz couldn’t even be angry that he scared the shit out of him.

 

“Not funny. You scared me,” Grizz said through his smile.

 

“I’m not sorry,” Sam taunted.

 

“You’ve got an attitude on you today,” Grizz said as he let go of the other boy’s wrists.

 

Sam smiled and shrugged as he stepped away. Grizz watched him carefully as his fingertips trailed along the books on the shelves. Honestly, this was one of Grizz’s fantasies; looking at books with an attractive guy. If only this wasn’t high school, and college instead. Grizz wouldn’t even hesitate in asking Sam out.

 

“Why the library?” Sam asked, turning back to Grizz.

 

“This is like…my safe space, I guess. To just get away. It’s quiet. I can get lost in a book, and my friends only ever come in here to find me,” Grizz told him honestly.

 

“So deep,” Sam teased.

 

“Shut up,” Grizz laughed and nudged the other boy’s shoulder.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Sam said, “where’s your favorite spot?”

 

Grizz wasn’t expecting that question, but the answer popped into his head without a second thought. He nodded for Sam to follow him, who did so obediently. Grizz took him right down to the back corner of the library were the biggest bean-bag Grizz had ever seen in his life was located. Grizz flopped down, sinking into the bag. Sam was standing above Grizz, looking down at him and Grizz really wanted him to join him.

 

“I could not tell you the amount of times I’ve fallen asleep reading here,” Grizz said.

 

“Really?” Sam looked unsure, but he just didn’t get it, clearly.

 

“It’s comfy as fuck. Come here,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz took Sam’s hand and without a second thought, pulled the boy down to join him. Sam fell down next to him and Grizz thought it was a big bean-bag. He really did, but he quickly realized it wasn’t meant for two people, and yet he knew that. He knew that because Gwen had sat with him before and was practically on his lap, which was how Sam was.

 

The thing was, Sam didn’t seem to mind. His body didn’t tense like Grizz’s did, and if his heart was racing even half as much as Grizz’s was then he didn’t let on at all. All Sam did was shuffle into a comfortable position, squished against Grizz’s side. Apparently that comfortable position included his legs to be over the top of Grizz’s, and well, Grizz had no idea what the fuck to do with hands, so one arm ended up across the back of the bean-bag, effectively _around Sam’s fucking shoulder_ and the other placed carefully _on Sam’s fucking thigh._

 

Grizz was going to hyperventilate. He was sure of it, because sure he had hugged Sam before and fallen asleep next to him, but every time he got even a little bit closer to the boy, his entire boy couldn’t function. Neither could his brain because when his gaze fell on Sam’s eyes, there was nothing there. He had nothing clever to say.

 

“Hi.” That was it? That was all Grizz had to say?

 

“Hi,” Sam said back.

 

“Hi.” _Fuck._ Grizz couldn’t stop.

 

Sam smiled and looked away for a moment before Grizz was under his gaze again. There was nowhere for Grizz to hide. He didn’t actually want to hide from Sam, but fuck if his heart wasn’t flipping and flopping inside him erratically.

 

“Shouldn’t we be getting to the music room?” Sam asked.

 

“Probably, but, uhm…I kind of like it here too,” Grizz spoke voicelessly.

 

Sam nodded but didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at Grizz and Grizz couldn’t take it. He was blushing. He knew he was. His cheeks burned under Sam’s stare, and Sam was smiling back at him, and it was making Grizz feel so giddy like a twelve year old with his crush.

 

“What are you looking at?” Grizz asked.

 

“I gotta look at you to see if you talk,” Sam said, and well, duh.

 

“Any excuse will do,” Grizz teased. No, flirted. Grizz was flirting and he couldn’t stop.

 

“Right cause you’re just so irresistible,” Sam said.

 

“Aren’t I?” Grizz asked, acting offended.

 

Sam just smiled, shrugged and fixed his eyes on Grizz’s lips again, and Grizz just couldn’t fucking handle it. He was so frustrated. With himself. With Sam for looking at him like _that_ , which Grizz wasn’t even sure was a figment of his imagination or not. Grizz felt like shrinking under the other boys gaze. The urge to hide won and he found himself groaning pathetically and hiding his face on Sam’s shoulder.

 

Sam laughed at him. He fucking _laughed_ at him. Did the boy have a single clue what he was doing to Grizz? Was Grizz not making it painfully fucking obvious that the boy was driving him insane? Because he was. He really, really fucking was, and Grizz thought he was going to die.

 

“What?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz sighed and looked back up at Sam, who was, of course, looking at Grizz’s lips which wasn’t helping at all.

 

“You’re fucking killing me,” Grizz admitted.

 

Sam looked confused, and Grizz had no words. If Sam didn’t know before that Grizz liked him then he had to have caught on by now. Grizz couldn’t do or say anything. He just kept his eyes on Sam, hoping, praying that _Sam_ would make the move, because Grizz just couldn’t, because Grizz was weak around the boy.  

 

Grizz watched on as Sam’s gaze softened, the look in his eyes changing to something else that Grizz almost, _almost_ thought was pity, but it wasn’t quite that. And Grizz cursed at the world when he heard the doors of the library smashing open. He wouldn’t get to find out what happened next.

 

“Someone’s here,” Grizz mouthed.

 

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he leant back and wait, when the fuck had he leant in? Grizz couldn’t think about it for a second longer though because he heard voices, several of them and if he didn’t move now, they’d be caught.

 

“Up. We gotta hide,” Grizz mouthed.

 

Sam clued in to what was going on and pushed himself up, followed by Grizz. Grizz took the other boy’s arm and there weren’t many places to hide. There was only one place to go, really. Grizz gently pushed Sam against the end of one of the shelves that was right in the back corner against the wall. He put his finger to Sam’s lips, silencing him.

 

Grizz stayed close, but looked through the books, seeing glimpses of others walking around. Grizz couldn’t recognize who they were, which meant they were probably juniors. There were maybe three of them, and they were getting closer. Grizz stepped closer to Sam, their bodies pressed flush against each-other’s. If they were still, they wouldn’t be seen. They were squished so far into the corner that the only way they’d be seen is if the people were to come right down the back.

 

Grizz turned his head, looking back at Sam, and that was a mistake, because holy shit, they were close. Really close. Close enough for Grizz’s nose to brush against Sam’s. All the air left his lungs as he held his breath, willing the people to leave. It didn’t take long for the others to give up their search, and Grizz let out a shaky breath when the doors swung shut, closing loudly with a bang.

 

Grizz didn’t move though. His eyes were locked on Sam’s who was looking back up at him; the other boy a good few inches shorter that Grizz towered over him but at the same time felt so, so small in that moment. His finger left Sam’s lip and Sam’s eye contact faltered as he glances as Grizz’s lips.

 

“They’re gone,” Grizz told him.

 

“Should we go?” Sam asked. 

 

Grizz shook his head, because he really didn’t want to. He felt like they were in their own little universe every time he was with Sam. Grizz was breaking, his walls around him crumbling. He wanted to kiss Sam so badly. He wanted to ask Sam if he was allowed to. He wanted to ask Sam to show him how to sign the words ‘kiss me’, even though Grizz already knew because of course he looked it up.

 

At the same time, the fear that always lay in the back of Grizz’s mind was shouting at him to step away. Grizz so desperately wanted to be pushed in Sam’s direction, to just go for it, but at the same time he found himself looking for an out, and that was when he decided to sabotage himself.

 

“I don’t have a deaf cousin,” Grizz blurted out.

 

Sam frowned and with his hand on Grizz’s chest, pushed him back slightly.

 

“What? I couldn’t see you talking,” Sam said.

 

Grizz sighed, and honestly, he wanted to eat his own words, but he had to tell Sam the truth. He couldn’t just lie again, so he sighed, tucking his hair behind his ear and not looking into Sam’s eyes because he was afraid of what he would see.

 

“I, uh…I don’t have a deaf cousin. I…I lied to you,” Grizz stammered out, and he was so scared. Scared that Sam would hate him for lying. Scared that Sam would storm out of the library and not want to talk to him again.

 

“Why?” Sam asked.

 

“Because…I really wanted to talk to you,” Grizz admitted. There it was. The truth.

 

“Oh.”

 

Grizz couldn’t look up. His eyes stayed fixed on the ground and he felt like he was going to start shaking and he wasn’t really sure what he was more scared of; Sam hating him or Sam knowing he liked him, because it was blatantly fucking obvious at that point.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Grizz started rambling, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lied. It was dumb and-.”

 

And then Sam was kissing him. Grizz didn’t see it coming. His mind went blank as he stumbled back, Sam following his movements as Grizz’s back hit the wall. All the wires in Grizz’s brain were malfunctioning and _holy fuck,_ Sam’s lips were against his. Grizz couldn’t catch up and he had no clue how long the kiss lasted, whether it was a few seconds, or a minute. Grizz wasn’t sure, and then it was over. Sam pulled back and Grizz’s heart faltered in his disappointment because he was so shocked that he didn’t have a moment to enjoy it.

 

Grizz looked at Sam who stood back with a deep red blush on his cheeks.  Grizz’s head spun and he suddenly forgot what to do in situations like this. He had kissed people before, but never a guy, and never anyone he truly liked.

 

“Can you do that again? Please?” Grizz asked.

 

A small smile played on Sam’s lips as he nodded and stepped closer to Grizz. This time, Grizz was ready for it. His breathing hitched as Sam’s soft hands came up to his neck, trailing along the skin, leaving goosebumps, before gently but firmly taking Grizz’s face. Grizz closed his eyes as Sam’s lips pressed against his, softer this time.

 

An explosion erupted in every inch of Grizz’s body. The yearning he felt for Sam burst through in the form of Grizz kissing the boy back. Every single little piece of the puzzle in Grizz’s mind seemed to slot together in that moment, and sure, the puzzle might get destroyed later, but while he was kissing Sam, everything in the world felt right. Everything made sense.

 

Grizz breathed the other boy in, taking note of every little thing his senses could pick up; how he was so, so soft. How their lips fit together perfectly. How he smelled of lavender soap and citrus shampoo. How he tasted of something that Grizz could only describe as _Sam_ because he had never tasted anything quite like it in his life, and Grizz only tasted the boy’s lips. He wanted to badly for their tongues to slide together, but they were both perfectly content with their lips moving slowly against the others that Grizz didn’t want to ruin anything by going any further.

 

Grizz wanted to touch Sam everywhere, but once again he had no clue what to do with his hands. He merely held the hem of Sam’s shirt near his hips, afraid that if he made any other movement then it would all be over, and he didn’t want it to be over. He wanted to kiss Sam forever. And maybe it had been forever. Grizz wasn’t sure how long they were standing there for, in the corner of the library, bodies pressed together. He just knew it couldn’t end. He also knew he had the worst luck.

 

The little world built up in Grizz’s head where it was just the two of them in a field of sunflowers and rainbows was wiped away with the sound of a shocked voice.

 

“Holy fucking shit. Grizz?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was worth the wait but sorry if it's not...Thanks for reading anyway! Sorry about the cliffhanger!


	11. I can't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 recap: Sam and Grizz teamed up to play fugitives. They flirted and held hands a l o t. They did the smoochy smooch in the library (thank u to my tags for spoiling everyone but I ain't removing it) And then someone saw them. Yikes.  
> (I also added new tags about panic attacks because of this chapter so that's a warning)

Grizz pulled away from Sam, stepping away on instinct. He froze like a deer caught in headlights when he saw that they were not alone anymore. Gwen stood at the end of the row of books, staring back at Grizz with wide eyes, jaw dropped so wide it almost smashed on the floor. The entire surface of Grizz’s skin prickled with underlying fear. He was caught. He was so careful his entire fucking life and in one moment, he was just caught. Just like that.

 

Grizz looked to Sam desperately, the other boy just realizing what was going on as he looked from Grizz to Gwen. There was nothing Grizz could do to explain this one, because Gwen just saw them kissing, with her own two eyes. He couldn’t deny it or lie his way through it this time.

 

“Gwen!?” It was Jason’s voice that time.

 

Then Clark’s. “You serious? You found Grizz?”

 

“Anyone else?” Jason asked.

 

Gwen looked at a loss for words as she stared at Grizz, and Grizz, out of pure desperation, shook his head, silently pleading with her not to expose him.

 

“Uh no, no. J-just Grizz,” Gwen stuttered.

 

Grizz’s body was reacting before his mind could catch up. He looked to Sam with an apology in his eyes. “Please just stay here a moment,” Grizz mouthed, before leaving Sam there and walking out to where Gwen was.

 

Grizz’s body was on auto-pilot and all he could think about was keeping his secret. He took hold of Gwen’s arm and pulled her away from where Sam was. Clark and Jason came towards them, big smiles on their faces.

 

“Hey, congrats guys, you caught me,” Grizz tried to sound normal, but with Gwen’s eyes locked on him, he just felt like everything was about to fall apart.

 

“We fuckin’ knew we’d catch you here,” Clark said as he high fived Jason, his partner in crime. The two got to Grizz and Gwen, and Grizz prayed they couldn’t see Sam through the shelves.

 

“So predictable, our little book nerd,” Jason ruffled Grizz’s hair and Grizz fought the urge to smack his hand away.

 

“I’ll, uh, have to try harder next time,” Grizz said.

 

“You on your own?” Clark asked.

 

“Yeah, uh, yeah, uhm, Allie and Harry were chasing me so I hid in here,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz was heating up. His entire face, neck, down to his fingertips were tingling with heat over being caught. He felt like he was doing something wrong, even though he knew he wasn’t, but he had all these notions so deeply ingrained in his mind that he just couldn’t help but think that way.

 

“Next time you gotta switch back to the cops, man. You’re too good at it,” Jason said.

 

“Yeah, next time,” Grizz agreed with a forced smile.

 

“Hey guys, I’ll take Grizz to jail,” Gwen spoke, “you two see if you can catch Dewey.”

 

“Oh right, that little shit is quick,” Clark said with a chuckle.

 

“See you guys back at the park then,” Gwen urged.

 

“Alright, later Grizzy,” Jason said.

 

“Right, see ya,” Clark said as he looked between Gwen and Grizz, and for a moment Grizz thought he knew what was going on, until he reminded himself that Clark thought Grizz and Gwen liked each other. If only Clark knew.

 

Grizz held his breath as the boys turned and left, hooting and hollering down the hallway. It was just the three of them. Grizz took two steps back and saw Sam in the exact spot that he left him. Grizz didn’t even get a chance to sigh in relief that the boys didn’t figure out what was going on. Panic was setting in and Grizz knew what this was. He knew exactly what was happening to his body and knew how to stop it in its tracks. But in that moment, he lost control.

 

“So…how long has this been going on?” Gwen asked.

 

The room spun, the edges of Grizz’s vision blurred and he thought he was going to puke. In fact, Grizz had never felt more sick in his entire life, and all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and disappear from the world.

 

“M-my hands feel numb,” Grizz’s own voice sounded so far away.

 

Grizz stepped away from the two of them as his throat tightened. Oxygen was nowhere near Grizz’s grasp as suffocation set in. His inner voice was screaming at him to stop it, to get over it, to go to Sam because this wasn’t fair to him, and yet, instead, Grizz’s body just shut down. He slumped against the nearest wall and fell to the floor. All he could think about was the snow-ball effect. Gwen knew, and then his parents would, and he couldn’t connect exactly how that would happen but it didn’t matter because it was just the possibility of it happening that made Grizz go off the deep end.

 

“Grizz?” Gwen knelt in front of him, “what’s going on?”

 

“I can’t. I can’t. I-I can’t…” Grizz shook his head quickly.

 

Finally able to get air into his lungs, Grizz went from one extreme to the next and instead found himself breathing fast, too fast, and the dizziness from it all threatened to make to him topple further to the ground. If he hadn’t already been through this before, then Grizz would’ve though he was about to die. Grizz knew it was a full-blown panic attack and all he could do was sit there and wait for it to pass, wait for his brain to shut off or for him to talk sense into himself.

 

Grizz buried his face in his hands. The voices around him sounded like they were in another room and he had no clue what they were saying. All he knew was that the secret he spent most of his life trying to protect was out and he could sense that everything would continue to fall down around him. Becca was one thing. Luke, well Grizz could pretend he didn’t _actually_ know, when in his gut he knew he did. But Gwen? It was one person after the other and Grizz felt all control slipping from his fingertips.

 

The boy sat there for the longest time, curled in on himself and willing his breathing to go back to normal or his heart-rate to drop. He sat there hoping to reverse time or for something to magically solve his problems. And then he heard white noise, a constant hum, and he wasn’t quite sure how long it had been there for. His head pounded as he emerged from the dark hole he had found himself in, then it was like he was floating.

 

And then there was nothing. No sound at all except for the second hand ticking on a nearby clock. Grizz slowly came back to reality once he was sure he calmed down. He looked up cautiously and glanced around, only to see that one, it was darker, and two, Gwen was sitting against the opposite wall, watching him. Sam was nowhere in sight.

 

“Where’s Sam?” Grizz croaked out.

 

“He left a while ago,” Gwen’s voice was soft and calming, “I asked him to. I thought it would be for the best.”

 

“Is he mad?” Grizz asked.

 

“At your complete meltdown? No.” Gwen crawled towards Grizz, stopping in front of the boy. She knelt there with a sympathy etched on her face. “He was…confused, but like…same. And worried. I told him I’d tell you to text him later.”

 

Grizz didn’t know what to think of Sam leaving. But honestly, what did he expect? Grizz was a crazy-person. He was absolutely mortified over how he just acted, but more embarrassingly he couldn’t gain any kind of control over himself. He couldn’t just shove all back down deep within himself like he normally did. That was the scary part. Grizz knew he had anxiety and it usually wasn’t this big of a problem, but sometimes he just gave into it. He couldn’t believe it happened in front of Sam of all people.

 

“You wanna tell me what’s going through that head of yours?” Gwen asked.

 

Grizz was scared. He was really fucking scared. He didn’t want to have to deal with this. This was exactly why he wanted to wait until college to tell anyone, because he just _wasn’t ready_.

 

“You can’t tell anyone, please,” Grizz begged. His eyes glistened with unshed tears. At least he hadn’t cried.

 

“I won’t. Babe, I won’t,” she promised, and Grizz could tell that she was being sincere. Perhaps Grizz did overreact. In the back of his mind he knew Gwen wouldn’t tell anyone. He also knew that so many people had parents who were homophobic like his, yet none of them were having breakdowns on the floor of their school library. Or hey, maybe they were and Grizz didn’t know it.

 

 “I feel so fucking stupid,” Grizz muttered.

 

“You shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t be this ashamed of who you are,” Gwen said.

 

“I’m not ashamed of who I am,” Grizz murmured, and Gwen nodded her head but didn’t say anything. Grizz didn’t feel like explaining his parents to her. She might not understand exactly why he panicked like that, but he didn’t feel like going into detail at that point. Maybe one day he would. He’d have to explain it better to Sam too. And fuck. Sam. What did Sam think of him now?

 

“Fuck. I just felt like I couldn’t breathe,” Grizz hit the back of his head against the wall behind him.

 

“I know. It’s okay,” Gwen said with a sweet smile.

 

“It’s really not. That was the first time Sam and I kissed and I fucked it up,” Grizz said.

 

“Hmm no, I fucked it up. If you’re gonna be mad at anyone, be mad at me,” Gwen offered, and Grizz wouldn’t even dare to blame this on her.

 

“I bet he thinks I’m a freak.”

 

“I think you should just text him.”

 

Grizz nodded slowly as Gwen moved, situating herself next to Grizz. She leant against the wall with him and sighed heavily. “I really wish you would’ve told me though. I mean, boy have I been barking up the wrong tree, right?”

 

Grizz let out a huff of laughter. “I thought about it, but, I just couldn’t bring myself to.”

 

“You know I accept it, right? So would the guys,” she said.

 

“It’s not them I’m worried about. Not really, anyway. They find out though, then the school does and my parents do and then…” Grizz trailed off because he didn’t want to think about it. Would his dad hurt him? Throw him out? And if Grizz didn’t get a scholarship then would his parents take away his tuition? His life would be ruined. Grizz couldn’t let that happen.

 

“I’m not gonna tell a single soul. Cross my heart,” Gwen said as she rested her head on Grizz’s shoulder. Grizz trusted her.

 

“Thank you.”

 

The two were silent for a moment before Gwen broke the tension being her usual Gwen-like self.

 

“So, are you like _gay_ gay?” she asked.

 

“What does that even mean?” Grizz asked.

 

“Like, are you fully on the banana band wagon or, like-“

 

“Stop, just stop,” Grizz laughed.

 

“What? Legit question,” Gwen shrugged.  

 

“I like guys,” Grizz admitted, “Well, Sam. I like Sam…obviously.”

 

“Good choice. He seems nice,” Gwen said.

 

“He is.”

 

All Grizz could think about was Sam. Sam, who he just couldn’t seem to get things right with. Sam, who Grizz didn’t even know how to act towards now because Grizz just couldn’t figure out what he wanted. No, actually, Grizz knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted Sam. He just didn’t know how to make it work. He didn’t know how to get past his fears.

 

“The game’s over now. I don’t suppose you’re coming to the party?” Gwen asked.

 

“No, think I might just go home,” Grizz said.

 

“Want me to walk with you back to the park?” Gwen asked.

 

“No, it’s cool. You go have fun,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay cool, because Helena’s been waiting for me outside for the past fifteen minutes,” she said.

 

“What’d you tell her you were doing?” Grizz asked.

 

“Talking to a friend. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t tell her anything,” Gwen assured him as she made a move to stand up. Grizz stayed in his place, not quite ready to leave yet.

 

“Thanks, Gwen,” Grizz said, and he really meant it, because he wasn’t quite sure what would’ve happened if anyone else had rounded that corner. He was actually lucky that it _was_ Gwen.

 

“Anytime. I’ll text you tomorrow,” she said.

 

“Yeah, see ya,” Grizz waved, and then she was gone, and he was alone.

 

“Fuck my life,” Grizz grumbled to himself. He slumped over to lay on the floor, feeling like he could just fall asleep then and there. Instead, he opened up his messages because he really needed to check in with Sam.

 

 **I’m really sorry you had to see that.** – Grizz.

 

The reply came almost instantly.

 

 **Are you okay?** – Sam.

 

 **I’m fine. I just feel stupid.** – Grizz.

 

 **You’re not stupid. What happened?** – Sam.

 

 **I’ll talk to you about it at school on Monday, if that’s alright?** – Grizz.

 

 **Yeah. That’s okay. I just hope you’re okay.** – Sam.

 

 **I am. And Sam, I had a really good time today before…you know. –** Grizz.

 

 **You don’t regret me kissing you? –** Sam.

 

In Grizz’s head he was screaming the word ‘no’, but he couldn’t bring himself to type it out. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but telling Sam he didn’t regret it, but at the same time having no idea what his own intentions with Sam were, didn’t feel right. Grizz didn’t want to give Sam hope when he wasn’t sure he could actually follow through.

 

 **I hate texting. Can we just talk Monday, please?** – Grizz.

 

 **Sure. Can’t wait xx –** Sam.

 

And Sam had kissed Grizz in real life, and yet the two x’s he left on the message had Grizz swooning. It had Grizz lulled into a sense of security for a brief moment, but it was a moment that he desperately needed.

 

\---

 

The day after Fugitives Grizz was reminded of the exact reason why he couldn’t come out. He spent the entire night contemplating his options. He went back and forth from deciding to keep away from Sam, to diving head first. He couldn’t make up his mind because every time he felt like everything would be okay, he talked himself out of it. Grizz thought he was such a coward, but as he lay on the couch on Sunday afternoon, he remembered why he was like that.

 

It wasn’t like the conversation his parents had was uncommon for them. Grizz wasn’t exactly surprised, but the fact that it happened the day after Grizz had a breakdown in the library about being gay made Grizz believe the world really was against him.

 

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Grizz made a plan that morning to stay inside and not deal with the outside world for the entire day. He lay on one of the couches while his parents channel surfed until they landed on a movie that Grizz was only half paying attention to. The other half of his attention was on his phone as he played a game. Grizz was happy to just turn his mind off, but his dad’s rough voice piercing through the calm ruined that completely.

 

“The world is getting so fucked up,” his dad said.

 

Grizz looked up from his phone at the TV screen. Dread washed over him when he saw two girls kissing in the movie. Grizz knew what was coming next. He knew his dad couldn’t just let it be like a grown ass adult. He always had an opinion and for some reason he thought Grizz cared enough to hear it.

 

“Why does every single show need a gay couple nowadays? It’s like they’re shoving it in our faces all the fucking time,” his dad said before taking another swig of his beer and continuing his rant, waving his hand dramatically at the television, “and it’s so unrealistic too. Her grandfather grew up in a time way stricter than ours but we’re supposed to believe he’s okay with his granddaughter being that way?”

 

“The world’s a crazy place,” his mom piped up, “I’m just glad we don’t have to worry about our Gareth.”

 

They spoke so casually, not knowing that each word felt like a punch to Grizz’s stomach. The teenager felt eyes on him and realized he was supposed to say something.

 

“Right, it’s weird,” Grizz said.

 

“Tell you what,” his dad grumbled as he got out of his chair, “you ever bring a boy home and you won’t have a place to sleep anymore.”

 

His dad laughed and all Grizz could do was laugh as well, no matter how much he was dying on the inside. His dad patted his shoulder before heading into the kitchen, probably for another beer. Grizz turned his attention back to his phone. He could still feel his mother’s eyes on him but he ignored it and tried to act like everything was okay.

 

Grizz pushed all possibilities of being with Sam aside as he crawled further in the closet. This was why he couldn’t come out. This was why he couldn’t be with Sam.

 

\---

 

Grizz skipped school on Monday. He had an insane headache that he knew he forced upon himself. He just didn’t feel like getting out of bed that day, and maybe he was avoiding Sam, again. Grizz felt like shit. He hated that he couldn’t get himself together enough to go and tell Sam that he couldn’t be with him.

 

Grizz wondered if Sam even thought of this as a big deal, because Grizz had liked Sam for so damn long. He was almost in love with the boy, but Grizz knew in the back of his mind that Sam wouldn’t even be nearly at that level. Grizz speculated that maybe Sam wouldn’t even care at all, that Sam didn’t even really like Grizz, that he just wanted to kiss a guy and it meant nothing. The thoughts killed Grizz but at the same time made him feel a little better for not talking to Sam on Monday like he was supposed to.

 

Sam sent him a couple of messages that day. In the first one, Sam asked Grizz if he was at school that day, which Grizz replied saying he had a headache so he stayed at home. Sam replied saying Grizz could use one of his famous head massages and Grizz wanted to flirt back, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He just old Sam he’d be at school the next day, which wasn’t a lie.

 

Grizz did go to school that Tuesday. The day was dragging on and Grizz didn’t know when he was going to talk to Sam. He didn’t even know what he was going to say to him. Grizz knew the main gist of it but going up to Sam and saying he didn’t want to come out made him feel so pathetic. He wanted to avoid that conversation for as long as he could.

 

When the bell finally rang for lunch, Grizz sighed in relief and shoved his books into his backpack. He was really hungry and on the verge of getting grumpy because of it. He made his way out of the classroom and down the hall, only to be confronted by the tiny pocket-rocket that was Becca, and her face was so red that Grizz thought she was going to explode.  

 

“Becca? Hi,” Grizz said cautiously as she stormed up to him.

 

“Shut up,” she snapped, and then she latched onto his wrist. Grizz was big, but Becca was strong when she was angry. She dragged Grizz from the hallway and into the girl’s bathroom, which was empty except for a freshman at the sink.

 

“Get out,” Becca ordered.

 

The young girl scampered out of there with fear in her eyes, and Grizz didn’t blame her. Becca was terrifying when she wanted to be, and Grizz wondered what he did now to deserve her wrath, but he had a pretty good idea. Once they were alone, Becca turned on him, looking up with a fierce gleam in her eyes.

 

“So last night I finally got it out of Sam why he’s been so fucking miserable the past couple days. The fuck is wrong with you Grizz? You finally kiss him and then just freak out on him and then you give him nothing? Practically radio silence. What the fuck?” Becca ranted, but there was only one thing Grizz got out of it.

 

“He told you we kissed?” Grizz asked, his heart deflated. His stomach churned, a familiar sick feeling developing in the pit of it. It was almost how he felt in the library on Saturday.

 

Becca’s eyes widened and Grizz knew she wasn’t supposed to say that. She wasn’t supposed to just expose that Sam had betrayed Grizz’s trust, but it was out now, and Grizz felt his sickness turn into anger.

 

“No, no, well…yes but it wasn’t like that,” Becca said desperately.

 

“I gotta go,” Grizz moved around her to the door.

 

“No, fuck, Grizz, he didn’t mean to,” Becca said, but Grizz was already out the door and she was shouting after him, “I already knew anyway!”

 

“Not the point!” Grizz shouted back, and he kept going.

 

Grizz was fuming. He never thought that he’d ever in a million years be mad at Sam. He didn’t think he had it in him. Sam was perfect in Grizz’s eyes, but this? Grizz trusted Sam in telling him he was gay, and Sam just went straight to his friend and blabbed about it? Grizz didn’t know what to think. He just knew he had to talk to Sam, so he took out his phone and opened his messages.

 

 **Meet me in room E-12** – Grizz.

 

Grizz made his way to the classroom in question on the top floor of the school building. Grizz knew the classroom would be empty because he often used it for studying through his lunch breaks when the library was too over-crowded. Grizz paced back and forth once he got to the room, waiting for Sam to get there. He was trying to calm himself down, but he was just so furious at Sam. What the hell was Sam thinking?

 

Five minutes ticked by until the door finally opened and Sam walked in, shutting the door behind him. Grizz stopped his pacing and looked at Sam who, to his credit, seemed apologetic. Becca must have warned him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam started.

 

“You told her we kissed?” And if Grizz was talking to anyone else he would’ve been shouting, but instead his voice was just exhausted, which of course Sam wouldn’t know. But Grizz was exhausted. He was just so tired of trying to protect his secret.

 

“Yes, -but-“

 

Grizz waved his hand, dismissing whatever Sam was about to say. The other boy stopped abruptly.

 

“You basically told her I’m gay, Sam. You…I…fuck…” Grizz was at a loss for words.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” Sam said, taking a step forward which only made Grizz take one back.

 

“You didn’t mean to? Who else have you told, hm? Gordie? Kelly? Campbell? Want to send a group text to Jason, Clark and Luke too?” Grizz asked.

 

“No, no, I would never. I’m sorry, okay? She’s my best friend and I was crying and it just came out. And you knew she knew anyway. She told me you asked her for ASL lessons so you could talk to me,” Sam accused.

 

Just like that, the anger he felt towards Sam disappeared, because what? Sam cried? Over him? The thought of Sam being upset over anything tore Grizz’s insides apart, and suddenly what Sam did didn’t matter.

 

“You were crying?” Grizz asked, taking a hesitant step towards the other boy.

 

Sam shrugged, giving a small sheepish nod. Grizz felt like utter shit. A part of him hoped that Sam didn’t care about him, but Sam cried over him? Well, Grizz didn’t know what to think. He just knew he was a fuck up.

 

Grizz brought his fist to his chest and signed that he was sorry. Sam watched him before slowly shaking his head, signing back that it was okay.

 

“I get it, Grizz. I came out once too, you know. I know it’s scary. My brother is a homophobic psychopath. It’s not easy,” Sam said, only it didn’t make Grizz feel any better about the situation. He wasn’t even sure if that was what Sam had been aiming for.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to say. He stood there watching Sam, and he wished it could’ve been how it was before, before they kissed, before Grizz told Sam he was gay, back when they’d just hang out in parking lots and get to know each other, because Grizz’s fears got in the way.

 

Sam stepped towards Grizz, closing the gap between them. Sam laced his fingers with Grizz’s, looking up at him, and Grizz couldn’t help but let out a shaky breath. He always got so nervous around Sam, even after kissing him.

 

“Tell me what’s going through your head,” Sam said.

 

Grizz want to tell Sam of all his fears and just how scared he was. He wanted Sam to know and really understand, but instead Grizz went for the easier option. He put his walls up, locking the truth away, and shrugged like he didn’t even care about the conversation they were having, like it wasn’t a big deal.

 

“I just don’t wanna come out. It’s whatever,” Grizz said.

 

“No one has to know,” Sam said, squeezing Grizz’s hands, and Grizz couldn’t think properly with Sam touching him, so he pulled back, his fingers slipping from Sam’s.  

 

“I’m going to come out after school, once I get to college, so maybe then…” Grizz trailed off with a glimmer of hope in his heart.

 

“You expect me to wait for you?” Sam asks. And that hurt, because Grizz would wait for Sam.

 

“No. I’m just saying…” Grizz didn’t know what he was saying.

 

“Grizz…I like you,” Sam admitted, and Grizz’s heart swooned. Sam _likes_ him. Sam fucking Eliot likes him, and Grizz was a coward.

 

“I like you too. I just…I can’t,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“Why not? It can just be between us,” Sam said.

 

Grizz thought about that. Of course he had entertained the thought, but he didn’t think it was fair to ask someone who was already out to go back into the closet. And Grizz was terrified. Every time he thought about being with Sam, even in that moment standing in front of Sam, Grizz fought the urge to run. Grizz wanted to bail on the entire conversation.

 

“Look…we kissed…it was nice…but…maybe that’s all it was supposed to be,” Grizz said, and it was the biggest lie he ever told.

 

“I don’t think that’s true,” Sam saw right through him.

 

“Yeah, me either,” Grizz mumbled, and he wasn’t sure if Sam caught what he said, but Sam didn’t seem confused or anything. If anything, Sam had that same understanding look on his face as when Grizz told him he was gay on the camping trip.

 

“Listen, Grizz. I think you need to sort out whatever is going on up here,” Sam brought his fingertips to Grizz’s head, tapping on his temple lightly, “and then we’ll talk, because I can’t be with you if you’re going to have a panic attack after every time we kiss. That was really scary, Grizz.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I wanted to stay but, I…I felt like it was all my fault,” Sam said.

 

“It wasn’t.”

 

“What was it then? Because that reaction...” Sam trailed off at a loss for words and Grizz wished he could’ve given Sam more, just something, anything, but he shut down.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Grizz whispered.

 

“It does,” Sam argued.  

 

And Grizz just felt stupid. His fears felt stupid. And Sam was so perfect and brave and made everything seem so easy, and Grizz wanted to be like that. He envied Sam. Sam made Grizz _want_ to be brave, and yet Grizz didn’t say a thing. He just gave a careless shrug.

 

“It’s whatever,” Grizz said.

 

Sam sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. Grizz didn’t blame him for getting frustrated with him. Grizz was frustrated with himself at the best of times.

 

“Just let me know when you figure out what you want. Until then…I don’t think we should hang out,” Sam said, and Grizz analysed his expression, wondering if he was actually serious. Grizz didn’t want to come out, sure, but he also didn’t want to _not_ be around Sam.

 

“So…what…you don’t even want to be my friend?” Grizz asked.

 

“No, Grizz. I don’t,” Sam said.

 

And Grizz wanted to fucking die. He was about to cry and fuck. _Fuck._ Sam didn’t want to be his friend anymore and Grizz just didn’t know what to do except get out of there.

 

“I gotta go,” Grizz said and walked right past Sam to the door.

 

“Grizz, wait,” Sam said, and Grizz turned back to face him, but he didn’t want to talk. Not anymore.

 

“It’s cool, you know. Whatever. We’ll go back to how it was and pretend nothing happened. It was nothing anyway. Just a stupid kiss,” Grizz said. And he only watched Sam a moment longer to make sure he got everything he said and when there was no confusion in Sam’s eyes, Grizz left the room, ignoring the fact that Sam actually looked sad, because Grizz wouldn’t know what to do with that information.

 

Sam was right, Grizz needed to figure out what exactly it was that he wanted. No, Grizz knew what he wanted. He wanted Sam. The only thing Sam was right about was that they couldn’t be friends, because there was no way Grizz could be around Sam and feel the way he does about the boy.

 

Grizz was back to square one, and he could already feel himself slamming shut every door he had opened within himself that held Sam behind them. He was teetering on the edge between taking a step through the doorway or giving up. And he did give up, locking himself back in that cold dark room he had been in for his entire life.

 

Grizz decided to go back to how he was, focus on school, football, his friends, and be the typical jock he was supposed to be. He was going to pretend nothing ever happened between himself and Sam. He was going to go back to pining for Sam from afar and not act on it.

 

The thing was, that was easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking of doing another Sam’s POV of bits and pieces of stuff that’s happened in the past few chapters if anyone’s interested? I’ll aim to post it before doing the next chapter. Also the next chapter involves drunk Grizz so stay tuned for that! Thanks for reading!!


	12. Centurions on three!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 recap: Gwen saw Grizz and Sam kissing. Grizz had a panic attack. Gwen was a good friend. Sam was confused. Grizz's parents are homophobic dicks. Grizz crawled further into the closet. Grizz got mad at Sam for telling Becca about the kiss. Grizz shut down and wouldn't explain to Sam why he can't be with him. Sam said he can't be just friends with Grizz. Friendship terminated. Straight jock Grizz mode activated.

Grizz stood on the edge of the roof of Luke’s house with Jason on one side, Clark on his other. Half the football team joined him as they stood there in nothing but their underwear. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea Jason ever had considering they were all tipsy at best, but after winning the game that Friday night, everyone was in the mood to party and Grizz was feeling a little reckless.

 

Down below them, two stories down, was the pool, illuminated with blue lights. Luke’s parents were rich, probably the richest in town other than Harry’s, so their house was massive, and so was their pool. If parties weren’t held at Harry’s then they were always at Luke’s, especially since his parents always seemed to be out of town. There was always a ridiculous amount of alcohol too, which Grizz never knew how Luke got it, but he did and that was all that mattered, especially tonight since Grizz planned on drinking a lot.

 

Grizz spotted Sam with Becca in the crowd of juniors and seniors that were invited to the party. Grizz was pretty sure there were some younger grades there too, and even a few people from the school that Grizz’s team, the Centurions, beat that night. No one cared though because no one was causing trouble. Everyone was out for a good time, including Grizz. He almost slipped into a sour mood when he noticed Sam. Almost. Grizz looked away, paying attention to his friends instead.

 

“And give it up for my fucking boy Grizz!” Luke’s voice boomed past the music, “scoring the winning fucking touchdown like a boss!”

 

The cheers off intoxicated teenagers filled the backyard and Grizz put his hands up in triumphant victory. Grizz could play this part well. He was used to it, and when he was with his boys it was easy to get carried away in their antics.

 

“Nah, nah, what about my boy Luke! Give it up for the best fuckin’ captain a team could have!” Grizz shouted.

 

The cheers erupted louder and Grizz looked over to Luke with a grin because, sure, Luke secretly liked the glory that came with being the captain of the football team but when the spotlight was directly on him, he could get shy and humble.

 

“Let’s fuckin do this shit!” Jason yelled.

 

Grizz turned his back on the crowd, along with the others. His heart raced, even though he had done this before when just messing around with the guys, but never in front of a crowd. He just didn’t want to chicken out like he had before because, fuck heights, right? Grizz had enough beers so far that night that he had just enough confidence in him for the stunt.

 

“Count us out, Grizzy!” Jason said, just loud enough for those on the roof to hear.

 

“Alright, alright,” Grizz started, glancing up and down the line of half-naked boys, “Centurions on three, ready?”

 

“Centurions ready!” the others chanted in unison.

 

“Centurions on me! Centurions on three! One, two three!” Grizz shouted, and then all at once with as much team spirit as they could muster up, the team roared their team name, “CENTURIONS!”

 

The screams of the crowd filled Grizz’s ears as he flung himself off the roof with his friends. His body twisted in a backflip and he plummeted into the water with one collective splash. The chaos surrounding him was silenced, muffled by the water and for the briefest moment, Grizz’s mind went blank, and it was the sweetest few seconds he had experienced in the past two weeks.

 

And then he needed to breathe. He kicked up from the bottom of the pool and took in a deep breath as he pushed through the surface. The deep thumping of basslines filled his senses again, as well as the smell of smoke and alcohol. More people had jumped in the pool and Grizz was surrounded but he never felt more alone. He decided he needed a drink.

 

Grizz swam to the edge of the pool and pushed himself out of it. Gwen was standing there with a towel for him and he wasn’t really surprised about it. Gwen had been annoyingly present the past two weeks, and Grizz knew it was just her worrying about him since the library incident but he was fine, really, he was. Things were practically back to normal.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz said as he took the towel from her.

 

Grizz didn’t say anything else as he patted his body as dry as he could and headed on inside with Gwen hot on his trail. The boys all left their clothes in the kitchen, sprawled out all over the place. Grizz found his jeans, tugging them back on and not caring too much that his underwear was still damp. He threw his shirt on over the top and glanced at Gwen who was watching him curiously.

 

“What?” Grizz asked.

 

“Nothing,” she shook her head.

 

“Well, it’s obviously something,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe. I just don’t think you’d want me to say out loud who was checking you out as you got out of the pool,” she said with an innocent smile.

 

Grizz glanced around at the few other people on the kitchen. None paid them any attention. They were either talking to each other or helping themselves to the array of drinks on the counter.

 

“They weren’t,” Grizz said, because he knew she was talking about Sam. All Gwen wanted to do was talk about Grizz and Sam and Grizz couldn’t take it. He knew she just wanted them together but Grizz didn’t think Gwen knew how much it hurt him every time Sam was mentioned, because Sam and Grizz weren’t even fucking friends anymore.

 

“Want a shot?” Grizz changed the topic.

 

“Sure,” Gwen shrugged.

 

Grizz opened the bottle of vodka and grabbed two plastic shot glasses, filling the both of them. He pushed one towards Gwen and downed his within a second. The burn in his throat was addictive and he was quick to take a swig straight from the bottle, downing as much as he could before he felt like gagging, which wasn’t much at all. He slammed the bottle down and screwed the cap back on. Gwen stared at him, that annoying look of concern on her face that Grizz had been so fed up with.

 

“You should probably pace yourself,” Gwen said.

 

“Probably,” Grizz said and picked up a bottle of beer.

 

“Hey, don’t give me that attitude. You’re usually the one going around handing out water to everyone. What’s gotten into you?” Gwen asked, and it was a serious question but she said it so lightly that Grizz decided to ignore it.

 

“Let’s dance,” Grizz suggested. It was more like a demand though. He latched onto Gwen’s hand and didn’t give her an option as the went into the living room, which was probably almost the size of Grizz’s entire house.

 

“I’m sure there’s someone else you’d rather be dancing with,” Gwen said.

 

“Don’t start,” Grizz said, and the music changed to a quicker song, one with a loud beat. It was too loud to talk and Grizz was okay with that because he didn’t want to talk. He pulled Gwen closer to himself, his arm around her waist, and danced in a way that could only ever be considered platonic, because God knows Grizz didn’t need anyone, specifically Clark, getting the wrong idea.

 

Strobe lights flashed and Grizz closed his eyes, trying so desperately to live in the moment. He wanted to blow off steam and have fun. He wanted to let loose and forget about how terrible the past two weeks were. All he ever wanted to do was forget and go back to how he used to be, how he didn’t have a care in the world and could just have fun with his friends without the niggling anxiety in his chests or the sadness he felt whenever he thought about Sam.

 

Grizz hadn’t said a single word to Sam since Sam told him he didn’t want to be friends. It wasn’t like Grizz was avoiding him, because Sam wasn’t talking to him either. It was like whatever happened between them didn’t happen at all. It was like they hadn’t even been friends at one point. And well, wasn’t that what Grizz wanted? To go back to how things were? The thing was, he couldn’t just go back because no matter what, he’d always have the memory of Sam’s lips against his. That wasn’t something he could just forget. And it wasn’t just about the kiss either. Grizz missed all the late nights he stayed up talking to Sam and it killed him that he couldn’t do it anymore.

 

Someone knocking into Grizz was enough to pull him from his thoughts. He looked around to see the rest of the football team had come inside, and for his own sanity, Grizz let go of Gwen before Clark saw. Without a word to anyone, Grizz walked off, pushing his way through the crowd of dancing people until he got to the next room; a second fucking living room. Grizz had been to Luke’s house hundreds of times but he still didn’t know how many rooms there were.

 

It was a little quitter in that room and most people were talking in their little groups, either standing, sitting on the floor, or taking up the couches. Grizz spotted Elle sitting on one of the couches by herself. He didn’t think twice before going over and sitting in the empty spot next to her. Elle looked up a little nervously, and well, Elle usually was timid so Grizz didn’t think much of it.

 

“Hey, you having fun?” Grizz asked, nudging her gently with his elbow.

 

“Sure,” she smiled.

 

“Doesn’t look like it,” Grizz said because Elle had been sitting there looking bored out of her mind and not talking to a single soul.  

 

“I’m not really a party type of person,” Elle said.

 

“Yeah, same but, like, fake it ‘til you make it,” Grizz shrugged, “but like, you should go talk to Helena, or Gwen, or even Becca. She’s nice too.

 

“No, I’m good, really,” Elle said and Grizz narrowed his eyes at her, because who the hell wanted to sit by themselves at a party? Grizz decided to voice those thoughts.

 

“Why not? You just gonna sit here by yourself?”

 

“I’m not here by myself. You’re here, and Campbell will be back at any second so…” she trailed off.

 

“So? Surely he’d want you to hang out with some friends and not him all the time,” Grizz said, “and I can introduce you to some people if you’re shy.”

 

“No, it’s okay. I’m here with Campbell. It’d be rude for me to ditch him,” Elle said.

 

“I guess,” Grizz shrugged.

 

He dropped the topic because he knew he wasn’t getting anywhere. Elle was shy, or maybe it was Campbell stopping her from socializing. Grizz wouldn’t be surprised. He forgot about it though and finished his drink, leaving the bottle on the coffee table. He looked around, and if he was being honest with himself, he was trying to see if Sam was anywhere around, but Grizz couldn’t see him. He only saw his friends in the next room jumping around like idiots.

 

“So,” Elle leant in closer to catch Grizz’s attention again, “Campbell should be back any second.”

 

“Okay?”

 

Elle just kept looking at him and it took Grizz a minute to realize she wanted him to leave.

 

“What?” Grizz snorted, “I ain’t scared of him.”

 

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” she said.

 

Grizz went to argue back but stopped mid mouth-drop because he could see the glimmer of fear in her eyes. It was the glimmer that fuelled Grizz’s gut feeling that there was something more going on in Campbell and Elle’s relationship. It was also the look that told Grizz she was serious and he really should leave, so he gave her an understanding nod before standing up, only to be pushed right back down by a pair of strong hands. When Grizz looked up at the culprit of the rude shove, he saw none other than Campbell.

 

“Oh no, by all means, keep talking to my girlfriend,” Campbell said with a hostile swagger that only he could truly pull off. Just seeing Campbell’s face was enough to fire Grizz right up and before he knew it, he was on his feet again, toe to toe with the fucking asshole.

 

“I thought I told you last time we had a chat not to fucking touch me,” Grizz spat.

 

“And I thought I told you to stay out of mine and my girlfriend’s business,” Campbell said, and he tried his best to be as tall and broad as Grizz was, but Grizz had him beat in that department. Grizz never liked to use his size to intimidate people, but for Campbell, he would make a special exception.

 

“What the fuck’s wrong with you, dude? We were just talking,” Grizz argued.

 

“And I don’t want you to talk to my girlfriend.”

 

“And what does _Elle_ want? You ever ask her that?” Grizz asked.

 

“I know what she wants, and what she wants is for you to stop shoving your nose in our business,” Campbell snapped. He looked like he was about to explode but Grizz didn’t care.

 

“What if I don’t? What are you gonna do about it then, huh Campbell?” Grizz taunted. He moved closer so their noses were almost touching, but Campbell wasn’t backing down.

 

“You’re fuckin’ askin’ for it, Visser,” Campbell sneered.

 

“I’m not asking for anything,” Grizz put his hands up in surrender because he wasn’t a fighter. He didn’t actually _want_ to get physical with Campbell. It was just that he had all this built up energy that he didn’t know what to do with. He thought about punching Campbell square in the jaw, he really did, but thought twice of it. Campbell wasn’t worth the bruised knuckles. Grizz knew he was pushing Campbell’s buttons though, and Grizz also knew that he wasn’t being himself. He didn’t pick fights like this. He wasn’t mean or condescending on purpose but he knew that was exactly what he was being when he spoke to Campbell. Perhaps it was the alcohol making Grizz do it, or maybe he was just really fucking tired of Campbell’s shit.

 

“Guys…can you just stop?” Elle spoke. Grizz’s eyes were locked on Campbell’s, not daring to be the first one to look away, and Campbell had the same idea because even as he spoke, he didn’t move.

 

“Shut the fuck up and stay out of it, babe,” Campbell said.

 

“Is that always how you talk her?” Grizz accused. Something snapped in Campbell’s face. The intimidation game was long gone and Grizz could tell the other boy was furious.

 

“I’ll talk to her however I want to!” Campbell shouted, “who the fuck do you think you are!?”

 

“Are you always this aggressive?” Grizz asked, and he knew he shouldn’t have kept the conversation going. He should have walked away long ago, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“I’ll fucking show you aggressive!” Campbell shrieked, and then Grizz learnt that Campbell didn’t have the same views on violence as he did.

 

Campbell surprised Grizz by latching onto his hair and yanking back hard. A chortled yelp came from Grizz’s lips as he was forced to follow Campbell’s movements. The next second Grizz had the wind knocked out of him when Campbell’s knee collided with his stomach. Grizz grunted and clutched his abdomen in a desperate attempt to stop the searing pain. He tried to step back or get away but Campbell had a tight grip on his hair.

 

“Fuck off, Campbell!” Grizz screamed.

 

“What? You wanted to fuckin’ square up ‘n now you’re just a scared piece of shit!” Campbell yelled.

 

Campbell dragged Grizz by the hair and threw him over the coffee table. Grizz landed hard on the other side, amongst a mess of bottles and plastic cups. For the first time he realized they were in a room full of people; people who stared at them in confusion. None of them knew what to do and neither did Grizz, because he had never actually been in a real fight before.

 

“Get up you fuckin’ pussy!” Campbell tainted.

 

Campbell stepped towards Grizz and the boy on the ground shuffled back, because he really didn’t want to fight, and the shock of it had him wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do. Was Campbell about to beat the shit out of him? How badly would he hurt Grizz? What if he had a knife on him? Or a fucking gun? Grizz wouldn’t be surprised about either.

 

Campbell was right above him and it was almost like time had slowed right down as Grizz watched him pull his leg back and go in the kick his ribs. Grizz braced himself, but the hit never came. Instead Campbell was easily yanked back by two varsity-jacket wearing jocks.

 

“The fuck are you doing!?” Clark’s voice boomed as he practically threw Campbell like a ragdoll back over to the couch.

 

“What are you doin’ to our boy? What the fuck, man?!” Jason sounded pissed, and Jason was always, _always_ up for a fight, and Grizz felt a warmth swell in his heart watching his two friends, quickly joined by Luke, standing between himself and Campbell.

 

“The fucking faggot was asking for it!” Campbell stepped up to the boys, only for Jason to knock him right back down, shoving him into the spot next to Elle, just like Campbell had done to Grizz moments before.

 

“Hey!” Luke roared, and Grizz had never heard Luke sound like that before, so mad, so loud. “No! Fuck no! Get the fuck out of my house!”

 

“Seriously?” Campbell scoffed, and through the gap between Jason and Clark, Grizz could see that Campbell went back to that amused look he always seemed to have on his face. It was all one big game to the guy.

 

“Yeah, seriously. Get the fuck out,” Luke pointed to the way out. Campbell looked at the three of them, and probably wanting to save further embarrassment in front of the crowd that formed, he gave in.

 

“Fine, fucking party was boring as shit anyway. Come on, Elle,” Campbell said as he stood, and he didn’t give Elle a choice. He held her hand and yanked her up with him. Grizz didn’t see the look on the girl’s face and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. There wasn’t anything he could do to help her even if there was something more going on with her and Campbell.

 

“And don’t come back!” Clark shouted after Campbell.

 

“Or we’ll beat the shit out of you and that’s a fucking promise!” Jason added.

 

In that moment Grizz felt bad that he was always so quick to dismiss Clark and Jason as people he would never see after high school. He might just have to reconsider that, because they were actually pretty good friends when it came down to it. Grizz wondered if he would ever get into a fight for his friends, and he hoped that he would step up for them.

 

“Grizz, shit, are you okay?” Gwen asked when she knelt down next to him. Grizz flushed red because there were so many eyes on him and he probably looked like a weak loser to all of them, not that he cared that much about their opinions.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. He’s just a fucking asshole,” Grizz said.

 

“Did he hit you?” Luke asked.

 

“Yeah, right in the stomach. Hurts like a bitch,” Grizz said truthfully as he took Clark and Jason’s extended hands. The two brought him to his feet with no effort.

 

“There’s frozen peas in the freezer in the garage if you want,” Luke said.

 

“Yeah, cool. I’ll get them,” Grizz said.

 

“What the hell was that all about?” Clark asked.

 

“Nothing,” Grizz shook his head dismissively, “he just doesn’t like it when I talk to Elle.”

 

“You hitting on her or something?” Clark asked.

 

“No, Clark. I don’t hit on _every_ girl I talk to,” Grizz said, sneaking a glance at Gwen who had a tiny smile hidden away on her face. Grizz willed her not to say a thing, and she didn’t.

 

“Alright, man, chill,” Clark said.

 

“Whatever. I’m gonna go downstairs,” Grizz said.

 

“Need some help?” Luke asked.

 

“Nah, I’ll be okay,” Grizz waved his hand dismissively.

 

Grizz left the group, thankful to be away from prying and curious eyes. He skipped by each room until he got to the door that led to the garage. Luke’s house had three different levels; the garage, basement and wine cellar was underground, then there was the ground floor which everyone was partying on, then the second floor that was out of bounds. Grizz shut the garage door and went down a set of stairs.

 

It was eerily quiet down there. The place was soundproof so Grizz could barely hear the bass through the walls. The dull humming of the fluorescent lights was louder. He made his way past the three covered cars that were probably individually more expensive than Grizz’s entire house, and stopped in the corner where the freezer was.

 

“Okay, peas, peas, where the fuck are you?” Grizz mumbled to himself as he opened the lid and gazed in. He shuffled some things around. He figured he could use anything in there but didn’t want to ruin anything by thawing it out so he continued searching for the frozen vegetables.

 

“Are they even fucking in here, Luke?” Grizz asked no-one as he dug through. The side of his stomach that bore the impact of Campbell’s knee was aching and Grizz just knew he’d be bruised and in pain tomorrow if he didn’t find the fucking peas.

 

“There you are, ya little bitch,” Grizz whispered as he spotted the peas down in the very back corner through some other food. He was about to attempt to reach down and get it when he heard the door open.

 

Grizz spun around, his heart racing because his first thought was that Campbell had stuck around and was back for more. Grizz sighed in relief and every little thought of Campbell washed away when he saw Sam coming down the stairs. Their eyes locked and Sam didn’t make a move to leave. Had he come down here on purpose?

 

Grizz watched him carefully as he crossed the room towards him. _Jesus Christ_ , Grizz thought, Sam looked good tonight. Real good. He was dressed casually in just dark jeans and white t-shirt, and his hair was the same as usual, but _fuck_ , Sam was just beautiful. Hot. Adorable. Sexy. Grizz could go on and on listing everything that Sam was, because he was absolutely everything to Grizz, and just seeing him made Grizz miss him even more. It was the first time in two weeks they had been in a room alone together, and Grizz couldn’t help but wonder why. What did Sam want?

 

“Hey,” Grizz gave a small wave, “are you…lost?”

 

Sam smiled and after an endearing roll of his eyes he shook his head at Grizz.

 

“Gwen told me what happened, and where you were. She told me to come find you,” Sam said, and Grizz really missed the way Sam spoke. He missed the signing. He missed his voice that was often barely there. He missed his bluer than blue eyes. Fuck, Grizz just missed him, but at the same time he was confused. Grizz didn’t think Sam wanted anything to do with him.

 

“Well…you found me,” Grizz said dumbly.

 

“I did,” Sam nodded, “did you find ice?”

 

“Oh! Peas. Yes,” Grizz turned back to the freezer. Without thinking of how sore he was, Grizz quickly reached down to the back of the freezer, only to cry out and clutch the side of his stomach.

 

“Motherfuck-“ Grizz held his breath, waiting for the pain to subside. God, he was such an idiot, and he fucking hated Campbell. Grizz had broken a rib before so he knew it wasn’t that sort of pain, but it still hurt like a bitch.

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Grizz said before realizing he was facing away from Sam. He turned and tried to get rid of the grimace on his face before nodded, “I’m good.”

 

“Where does it hurt?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz touched his stomach, gesturing to the left side. Sam moved closer to him and Grizz couldn’t take his eyes off the boy. Grizz was nervous, like always, but more so because he had no clue if Sam even liked him or not at that point. He didn’t know what Sam was doing stepping closer, but then he ducked past Grizz and leant right into the freezer to get the bag of peas. He got it easily.

 

“Here,” Sam said, offering it.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz muttered, taking the bag off him. He placed the frozen peas over his shirt, right where it hurt, and looked back at Sam. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

 

“Why? You didn’t do it,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“But it’s my brother,” Sam argued.

 

Grizz shook his head. There was no way he was going to let Sam take the blame for his dick of a brother. Especially when Grizz was the one to keep on pushing Campbell’s buttons.

 

“I think I provoked him,” Grizz admitted.

 

“What were you fighting about?” Sam asked.

 

“Elle.”

 

Sam nodded knowingly and dropped the topic. Grizz really didn’t want the conversation to end there though, not after not talking to Sam for two entire fucking weeks.

 

“How’ve you been?” Grizz asked.

 

“Okay, you?”

 

“Okay,” Grizz mimicked.

 

They both went quiet again, and Grizz just didn’t know what to say. He was one hundred per cent at Sam’s mercy. Grizz just stood there, waiting for some sort of sign that Sam didn’t completely hate him, because honestly, Grizz hated himself so he was sure Sam did too. Sam’s gaze dropped from their usual place on Grizz’s lips, down to the bag of peas.

 

“Can I see?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz faltered for a moment before nodding, “yeah, yeah. Sure.”

 

Grizz pulled his shirt up and got a good look himself. There was a patch of dark red skin already that Grizz knew would turn purple over the next few hours. It hurt, but that pain quickly turned into the best thing Grizz had ever felt when Sam’s fingers gently touched the bruising skin. Grizz couldn’t breathe, but that was nothing new when he was around Sam. His skin tingled, warming at Sam’s touch and he soon forgot he was even sore.

 

“I want to be friends,” Sam said.

 

Grizz’s neck snapped up so quickly as he looked at Sam, unsure if he heard that right.

 

“Wait, what?” Grizz asked, but Sam wasn’t looking at his lips. He was still looking at his torso. When Sam did finally look up and saw Grizz’s confusion, he repeated himself.

 

“I want us to be friends again.”

 

Grizz did hear that right. Grizz spent the past two weeks thinking Sam wanted nothing to do with him. Deep down Grizz knew that wasn’t entirely true, and maybe it was easier for him to just think that was the case instead of realizing that _Grizz himself_ was the actual problem.

 

“You serious?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip and nodded; a look of uncertainty etched on his face. Grizz could feel the mask he put up slip away. He felt every idea he had of keeping away from Sam and reverting back to his old self disappear. Grizz really did try his best to forget about Sam and what they had together, but he really missed Sam, and being offered friendship on a silver platter was something he couldn’t say no to.

 

In a moment of pure elation, Grizz dropped the peas and flung his arms around Sam’s shoulders, their bodies colliding together roughly as Grizz squeezed Sam in a tight hug. To Grizz’s relief, Sam hugged him back, his arms settling on the taller boy’s back. Grizz ignored the pain in his side because it hurt to have his arms up like this, but hugging Sam in that moment was the best feeling in the world, maybe even better than when they kissed.

 

Grizz indulged in Sam’s touch just a few moments longer, but when the dizzyingly delicious scent of Sam’s cologne was too much for Grizz to handle on a friendship level, he had to pull back before he did something stupid, or his body did something stupid. Grizz kept only his hands on Sam’s shoulder as he looked down at the boy, trying not to smile too wide.

 

Sure, there was a lot they probably had to talk about, like the kiss, their feelings for each other and why Grizz panicked every time they got close, but Grizz didn’t want to talk about that in that moment because he had his friend back and he was happy for the first time in two weeks. Maybe they didn’t need to talk about those things at all. If they were just friends then maybe they could ignore what they felt for each other and be just that; _friends._

 

“You know what friends do?” Grizz asked.

 

“What?”

 

“Play beer pong. Come on,” Grizz said and naturally dropped his hand to Sam’s, “me and Gwen versus you and Becca.”

 

Sam smiled and nodded in agreement, “sounds like fun.”

 

“It will be, promise. Let’s go,” Grizz tugged Sam towards the stairs.

 

“Wait,” Sam stopped him, and Grizz watched as he picked up the peas from the floor.

 

“Right, thanks,” Grizz took the bag from him, putting it on his stomach.

 

The two walked hand in hand up the stairs, and Grizz only broke the contact when he opened the door, going back to the outside world, and he already missed the warmth. And _fuck¸_ how were Grizz and Sam supposed to be _just friends?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said at the end of the last chapter that there would be drunk Grizz in this chapter but the party turned out longer than expected so it'll be in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope to have the time to update in the next couple days.


	13. Just friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 recap: Grizz was like a reckless frat boy. Grizz drinks because he's emo. Grizz got into a fight with Campbell but wouldn't throw hands like he should have. Grizz couldn't reach the frozen peas but Sam was there to save the day. Sam TOUCHED his STOMACH and it was nice. Sam said they can be friends and Grizz rejoiced. They're delusional.

The music in the dining room wasn’t as loud as the living room, or the room Grizz got into a fight in. Grizz, Gwen, Sam and Becca had not too long ago taken over the room and while at the start of their game they had a small audience, no one bothered to stick around for the next round. The small group didn’t care though. They were having enough fun by themselves.

 

Giddy. That was one word to describe how Grizz felt. He was drinking for fun instead of wallowing in self-pity, and hanging out with Sam. The red-head across the dining room table made Grizz buzz with a joy he had never experienced around anyone else before. Grizz knew the feeling had been there before he and Sam kissed, but after not feeling it for two weeks, it was more prominent than ever.

 

Grizz held a ping-pong ball in his hand as he eyed Sam in determination. Grizz was going for the winning shot. It was their third Game, and after Grizz and Gwen had won the first game, Sam and Becca won the second, so this was the deciding round. Grizz was only a little competitive and part of him wanted to let Sam win, just to see him smile, but at the same time, Gwen was shouting in his ear to get the damn ball in Sam’s cup, so what was a boy to do?

 

Grizz took aim and in one effortless motion tossed the ball right into the last cup left on the opposite side of the table. Sam and Becca groaned in defeat and Gwen jumped up and down, throwing her arms around Grizz’s broad shoulders from behind. She leapt onto Grizz’s back, weighing practically nothing to the football player.

 

“Yes! Yes! In your faces!” Gwen taunted.

 

“No one likes a sore loser,” Becca glared at her.

 

“Bite me, Bex,” Gwen laughed.

 

“Oh, you don’t think I will? ‘Cause I will,” Becca challenged.

 

Grizz ignored the girls as they continued bickering and watched Sam who was looking back and forth, a little bit of confusion on his face. Grizz waved to get his attention and when Sam’s blue eyes landed on him, Grizz felt so light and dizzy. He wasn’t sure if it was the last beer he drank or if it was just because of Sam.

 

“You gotta drink,” Grizz pointed to the cup.

 

“I know,” Sam nodded.

 

Sam picked up the cup and Grizz watched on with a proud smile as Sam downed the drink, or at least tried to. When Sam put the cup down Grizz could still see some in there.

 

“Uh no, the whole thing,” Grizz said, and Sam pretended not to see him. Grizz waved to get his attention and when Sam gave in and glanced at Grizz’s lips, Grizz spoke again, “all of it. That’s the rules. I don’t make them. I just enforce them.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I drank it all,” Sam said and pulled the cup a little closer so Grizz couldn’t see in it.

 

“Liar,” Grizz accused with a playful glare. He marched down the length of the table to where Sam was standing. The other sly boy picked the red cup up and held it close.

 

“Let me see,” Grizz said and went to take it, but Sam turned his back, not letting Grizz get even close to the cup. Grizz could play that game. He stepped to Sam’s side and made a move to grab the cup but Sam spun around again, keeping his back to Grizz. Grizz couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Sam was such a little shit when he wanted to be.

 

Grizz stepped up to Sam again, only this time he didn’t try to get in front of him. He came up behind Sam’s back and put both arms around the other boy until one hand found the drink. Sam’s giggle made Grizz’s heart soar and he almost let Sam get away with not drinking the beer like he was supposed to, but after a quick tussle, Grizz snatched the cup away and stepped back. He held up the cup in victory as Sam turned back to face him, pouting.

 

“What’s this, hmm?” Grizz asked, swishing the liquid around in the half empty cup.

 

“It’s gross. It’s warm now,” Sam said.

 

“Oh whatever, it is not,” Grizz argued.

 

“Is too. Try it,” Sam dared.

 

Grizz didn’t give it a second thought. He brought the cup to his lips and to prove a point, tried the drink. It wasn’t warm at all. It was still cold. Feeling like he was on a mission, Grizz downed the rest of it easily. He slammed the empty cup down on the table and gave Sam a smug smirk.

 

“I knew it. It was cold,” Grizz said.

 

“I know,” Sam smiled innocently.

 

Grizz opened his mouth to retaliate when he realized he had just been played.

 

“Ohohohoho, you think you’re clever, huh?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, actually, I do,” Sam nodded.

 

“That’s it. Another game,” Grizz said.

 

“No, no more beer,” Sam whined.

 

“Another game!” Gwen shouted across the room.

 

Grizz had forgotten the two girls where there. He looked up to see Becca had joined Gwen over the other side. The two of them were leaning against the table and watching Grizz and Sam with cheesy grins on their faces.

 

“What in the actual fuck are you two looking at?” Grizz asked, but his voice held no malice or annoyance, just suspicion, because he felt how people felt like when they walk into a room and they just know that everyone was talking about them.

 

“Nothing. Just waiting for you two to stop fl-…talking,” Gwen said sweetly. Grizz could see right through her. He knew she was going to say flirting. He wasn’t even annoyed at her for it. He just blushed at the comment and hoped Sam didn’t catch on to what she meant to say.

 

“Sam doesn’t want play anymore,” Grizz said and he went to turn to Sam to ask what he wanted to do but the boy was gone. Grizz looked back at the girls with raised eyebrows, “Where’d Houdini go?”

 

“Went to get water,” Becca said.

 

“Did he sign behind my back? Rude,” Grizz scoffed, and his mind was already on following Sam. He gave the peace sign to the girls as he backed away, “make good choices ladies. Gotta go.”

 

“Use a condom!” Gwen teased.

 

“Fuck you,” Grizz’s peace sign turned into flipping Gwen off, “we’re just friends.”

 

“I’ll give it an hour, tops,” Becca said to Gwen, and Grizz pretended he didn’t hear that as he left the room.

 

Grizz and Sam were like two magnets always being pulled towards each other. Grizz didn’t even consider for a split second to stay with the girls. He didn’t consider going to Luke, Jason or Clark either. Honestly, he had enough of them over the past two weeks, even though he recently discovered he should probably appreciate them a lot more, but Sam was like a breath of fresh air and the only person Grizz felt like being around that night.

 

Grizz pushed through the sea of bodies grinding against each other in every room. Every person that knocked against him, sent him stumbling from side to side. He wasn’t that drunk. He had enough to not be able to walk in a straight line, but more than anything he just felt like he was floating, like he was high, and maybe he was a little high. He only had a couple hits with Gwen while they were playing because Jason walked through with a joint, plus the entire house smelt like weed that he was sure he was at least contact high.

 

Grizz successfully made it to the kitchen and spotted Sam who was at the refrigerator, trying and failing to reach the display of barely touched water bottles on top. Grizz smiled fondly at the shorter boy before going over to him. He placed his hand on the small of Sam’s back to let him know he was there, before reaching up and taking hold of a bottle. Even Grizz had to go on the tips of his toes to reach it so he wasn’t surprised that Sam was too short. Sam wasn’t even that short, but compared to Grizz he was.

 

“Water?” Grizz offered.

 

“Thank you,” Sam said politely and took the bottle from him.

 

“You’re such a good boy. Hydration is important,” Grizz said and tapped the end of Sam’s nose. Sam playfully knocked Grizz’s hand away. Grizz was a little surprised at how calm he was being around Sam, and maybe it was the alcohol making him more confident, but Grizz was hardly bothered by the fact that people were around them. Then again, it wasn’t like Grizz was holding Sam’s hand or kissing him. They were just being _friends_. The word itself was beginning to give Grizz a headache.

 

“That, or, beer is tasting more and more like shit,” Sam said as he opened the bottle and drank some.

 

“If you get drunk enough then you can’t taste it anymore,” Grizz said.

 

“No, I can still taste it,” Sam said with a grimace.

 

“Is that, like, a senses thing? Like one sense gone,” Grizz gently touched Sam’s ear, “so your others are, like, stronger, like taste?”

 

Sam laughed, shaking his head. Grizz couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“What?” Grizz asked.

 

‘You’re an idiot,’ Sam signed while he laughed.

 

“Isn’t it true, though?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t have beer tasting superpowers,” Sam said.

 

“Bet you wish you did,” Grizz said.

 

“No? You make no sense,” Sam said.

 

“You’re being mean,” Grizz stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

 

‘Sorry,’ Sam signed.

 

Grizz smiled and shook his head slowly. He sighed heavily, wondering how in the actual fuck he was going to stop his feelings for Sam getting stronger. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to. Grizz couldn’t even watch Sam have a drink of water without having his mind go wandering to the other things he could do with his lips.

 

“What are you thinking?” Sam asked.

 

Fuck.

 

“Uh…” Grizz hesitated, and then, as he watched Sam drink more water, he had a genius idea, “I have an idea.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m gonna get you something fancy to drink,” Grizz said.

 

“Something what?”

 

“Fancy,” Grizz repeated while finger-spelling the word, “follow me. Gotta steal Luke’s keys.”

 

“Wait, we’re not driving,” Sam said.

 

Grizz was already walking off and he just shook his head, waving his hand dismissively to tell Sam that wasn’t his idea, because Grizz wasn’t dumb enough to drink and drive. He made his way upstairs to where he wasn’t supposed to be, but he figured he was Luke’s friend so he was allowed. He was so determined that nothing would stop him.

 

Sam followed closely behind Grizz and Grizz fought the urge to hold his hand, because who knew who else could be up there with them. Grizz got to the end of the hall where Luke’s bedroom was and didn’t bother knocking before walking in, because he really didn’t think anyone would be in there. He was wrong, because when he opened the door, Luke was sitting on his bed with Helena on the floor, on her knees in front of him.

 

“Fuck, Grizz! What the fuck!” Luke shouted as he quickly snatched a pillow from the bed to cover himself.

 

“Oops,” Grizz said before snorting in laughter. He held his hand up to stop Sam from appearing at the door with him. The other boy stayed still in the hallway.

 

“Seriously, Grizz?” Helena said, but wouldn’t look up and Grizz, and he didn’t blame her.

 

“Sorry. My bad, really. Just need to get something,” Grizz said.

 

“Get out!” Luke shouted.

 

“I need your keys!” Grizz shouted back because, well, why not?

 

“What the fuck for?” Luke asked.

 

“Trying to impress someone. Just need the one for the wine cellar,” Grizz said and for good measure added a “please,” followed by a “pretty, please Lukie Pookie?”

 

“Oh my God,” Helena turned to look at Grizz finally, “please tell me it’s Becca. You two would be _so_ cute together. Actually, just please tell me it’s _not_ Gwen because I’m tired of hearing Clark complain like a baby.”

 

Grizz didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t in the mood to lie and pretend. He just froze up, but at the same time he was in too good of a mood to get upset about it.

 

“Uh, key’s on my desk,” Luke said.

 

“Good man,” Grizz said, perking up. He went over to the desk and found the set of keys sitting on it.

 

“It’s the biggest one,” Luke said.

 

“You bet it is, buddy,” Grizz winked at him, “right Helena?”

 

“Eww, Grizz, go away!” she scolded.

 

“Right, right, I’m going,” Grizz said as he found the right key and took it off the keychain. He headed to the door only to turn back to his friends, “Luke, make sure you return the favor, okay pal?”

 

“Grizz!” the two shouted in unison and Grizz just laughed at them as he shut the door. He was still laughing as he turned to Sam who, of course, had no clue what just happened.

 

“Sometimes I feel like you try to hide me,” Sam said with a frown.

 

“What? No. No. Helena was blowing Luke,” Grizz blurted out.

 

“Oh,” Sam said thoughtfully before nodding, “okay.”

 

“We can go back in if you want,” Grizz suggested.

 

“No, no!”

 

“We can get popcorn,” Grizz laughed.

 

“No, eww, straight porn…just, no,” Sam shook his head.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Wait, you watch porn?” Grizz teased.

 

“Don’t you?” Sam asked seriously, and this was not a conversation that Grizz could have with Sam because his mind was already wandering to all sorts of dirty places. He had to take a deep breath just to clear his head.

 

“You’re the worst,” Grizz sighed, “follow me.”

 

Grizz walked off and Sam was quick to fall into step next to him. Grizz led him back down the stairs and across the house to where the garage door was, because next to that was another door that led to the wine cellar. Luke’s parents collected wine and Grizz was sure there were some bottles down there that were centuries old, but Grizz wouldn’t even dare to touch those ones. He’d find some of the cheaper ones they had for entertaining guests.

 

Grizz unlocked the door and opened it before stepping aside to let Sam go in first. Grizz followed, shutting and locking the door behind him because if he let anyone else in there, Luke would kill him. Literally kill him.

 

Grizz followed Sam down the stairs. The cellar was big enough that it could have been another bedroom, or a den or an office. On one side of the room, expanding along the entire width, was a glass window with a door. Behind that was a wall of wine; Luke’s parent’s prized collection. On the side of the glass that the boys were standing was a sitting area. There was a two-seater couch, a small table with a lamp, and a bookshelf along the far wall.

 

“We’re not gonna drink this, are we?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz answered by going up to the glass door and unlocking it. He went in and skipped the expensive stuff, stopping at the fridge in the corner. He opened it and looked at the selection. It was just wine you could pick up at the nearest liquor store in town. Grizz knew because his mom liked to drink a lot of what was in there. He looked back to Sam, making sure the boy was looking at him before talking.

 

“Red or white?” Grizz asked.

 

“White?” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz turned back to the wine and pulled out the first one he saw. It was a Chardonnay. He headed back to Sam who seemed unsure, so Grizz took his hand and led him over to the couch, plopping down on it himself and pulling Sam with him. Sam laughed a little as he settled next to Grizz, the two boys sitting perhaps a little closer than they needed to, their legs and knees touching as they faced each other. Sam’s leg was practically over the top of one of Grizz’s but Grizz didn’t mind at all. In fact, he rested his hand on Sam’s thigh to pull him a little closer.

 

Grizz wondered if this was how friends were allowed to sit. He sat like this with Gwen sometimes, but not with Luke, Clark or Jason. Grizz knew that was because his three male friends were straight and wouldn’t be comfortable sitting with Grizz like that, and Gwen was a girl, so she was. Grizz had never been friends with another gay guy before so he wasn’t sure if this was something gay _platonic_ friends did or not.

 

“You gonna open that?” Sam pulled Grizz from his thoughts, and he was way too tipsy to be having a battle in his head about gender norms.

 

“Yes,” Grizz nodded once. He unscrewed the cap and handed the bottle to Sam, not bothering to search the room for wine glasses that he was pretty sure weren’t in there anyway. Sam took the bottle, bringing it to his lips as he tasted the wine. He screwed his face up thoughtfully before handing the bottle back to Grizz.

 

“Better than beer, but still awful,” Sam said.

 

Grizz tried the wine too before agreeing, “you’re right, but don’t you feel fancy as fuck?”

 

“I do,” Sam smiled.

 

Grizz couldn’t put into words exactly how Sam’s smile made him feel. He just knew that that floating feeling was back and he didn’t want to crash back down to earth. Grizz drank some more to keep his buzz going before handing the bottle off to Sam. Sam, who Grizz was so damn appreciative of. Like, there Grizz was after two weeks of not talking to Sam, and Sam just acted as though everything was fine. _That’s what friends are for_ , Grizz told himself.

 

“Are we best friends?” Grizz asked.

 

“What?” Sam was confused, but he understood what Grizz had said.

 

“We’re friends again, but are we _best_ friends?” Grizz asked again.

 

“Becca is my best friend,” Sam said plainly, “and Luke is yours.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“He’s not?”

 

“Is he was, then wouldn’t I tell him I’m gay?” Grizz asked. It was a question he asked himself a lot, ever since he first figured out he was gay.

 

“Why don’t you?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz didn’t want to answer the question. He didn’t even want to think about answering it. Instead he took the wine from Sam and downed practically half the damn bottle, and at that rate they’d need to get another one soon.

 

“Uh, share,” Sam said and took the bottle from Grizz. Now that Grizz was sitting down, his head felt a little heavier than before. He rested it against the back of the couch and kept his gaze on Sam, beautiful Sam.

 

“You think Luke will be mad at us?” Sam asked.

 

“Don’t care if he is,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“You’re such a rebel,” Sam teased.

 

“Yep. Call me Grizz ‘danger’ Visser,” Grizz said dramatically, and Sam laughed at his expressions. When Sam stopped laughing, he bit his bottom lip, and Grizz died on the spot. He had to close his eyes for a moment to get the image out of his head, but nope, there it was, still dangling behind his eyelids.  

 

“Why do people call you Grizz?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz opened his eyes, a little shocked by the question because not many people asked that. Not many people even knew Grizz’s real name.

 

“Luke started it,” Grizz said, “in middle school for Halloween I dressed up as a grizzly bear. Luke started calling me Grizz and it stuck. Plus, I fucking hate being called Gareth.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It’s my dad’s name too,” Grizz said honestly. And he was going into territory that he didn’t want to at that point so he quickly changed the subject, “I have pictures of that Halloween, by the way.”

 

“I have to see that,” Sam laughed.

 

Grizz reached into his back pocket and took out his phone. He scrolled through his pictures until he found the one he was looking for. Sure, it was embarrassing, but it was worth showing Sam purely for the look of absolute delight on the boy’s face. Sam covered his mouth as he laughed before giving up and throwing his head back as he lost it.

 

“Yeah, yeah, real funny,” Grizz said, his face going red and hot. Sam shook his head and gave Grizz his phone back.

 

“You were pretty cute back then,” Sam said.

 

“I’m cute now,” Grizz argued.

 

Sam shrugged, but didn’t confirm or deny the comment.

 

“Okay, but back then though. Very adorable,” Sam said, and Grizz knew he shouldn’t indulge in flirting, and he wasn’t even sure if Sam _was_ flirting or if this was just normal conversation. Grizz’s mind was a mess and the wine he and Sam kept passing back and forth wasn’t helping in the slightest.

 

“If only we were friends back then, then you’d see how awkward I was,” Grizz said.

 

“You still are,” Sam joked, “and you were too busy with your super cool football friends to talk to me.”

 

“As if you ever tried either. And they aren’t super cool. They’re losers,” Grizz said.

 

“You love them,” Sam said.

 

“Debatable,” Grizz shrugged, but deep down he knew Sam was right.

 

“You guys were really good tonight, like at the game,” Sam said.   

 

“You were there?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded.

 

“I didn’t see you,” Grizz frowned, because he felt like that was something he definitely should have noticed. He had never seen Sam at one of his games before.

 

“I’m sneaky,” Sam grinned.

 

“Do you usually go?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well if I knew y’were there I woulda tried to be like, I’unno, better?” Grizz said, even though he had played one of his best games that night.

 

“Stop that,” Sam said and placed his fingertips under Grizz’s chin.

 

“Stop what?” Grizz asked.

 

“Hard for me to understand when you’re slurring,” Sam said and tapped Grizz’s lips lightly.

 

“You can tell?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded, “yes, so stop it.” He went to tap Grizz’s lips again to scold him, but Grizz was quicker. He nipped at Sam’s finger, biting hard for Sam to feel it, but not hard enough for it to hurt. Sam yanked his hand back, jaw dropped in shock.

 

“Ow, what the hell did you do that for?” Sam asked.

 

“Just felt like it. I’m sorry,” Grizz said sincerely.

 

He took Sam’s hand in his, the timid boy letting him. Grizz brought Sam’s fingers to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on them. Sam’s eyes were glued to the spot Grizz was kissing. When Grizz stopped he leant in to catch Sam’s gaze again.

 

“That better?” Grizz asked.

 

“Nope,” Sam said, and Grizz couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he kissed the other boy’s pointer finger again. Sam’s hand was pliant in Grizz’s grasp as he kissed it one last time and looked down to see if he left a mark. He didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He didn’t actually want to hurt Sam. He never would.

 

“I like your hands,” Grizz said thoughtfully.

 

“Oh really?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded. He placed the palm of his right hand on the palm of Sam’s left hand to compare the size out of sheer curiosity. They were almost the same size, only Grizz’s fingers were a little thicker than Sam’s slender ones.

 

“You’re not signing when you talk,” Sam pointed out, and he was right, because it took Grizz a lot of brain power to remember how to sign the little that he did know, and being drunk, well he could barely even think straight.

 

“I’m sorry. I can’t think. Bit too drunk,” Grizz said.

 

“Sign something to me,” Sam said, taking his hand away from Grizz’s.

 

“I’m not good enough,” Grizz whined.

 

“Don’t care. Just sign something,” Sam ordered.

 

Grizz stared at Sam, thinking of what to say. There were a lot of things that Grizz wanted to say, and a lot he should have, but there was only one thing that came to mind, because it was the one thing he said in his head every time he saw Sam during the last two weeks.

 

‘I missed you,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam grinned, “did you?”

 

“Uh huh,” Grizz nodded, “like…a lot.”

 

“How much?” Sam asked.

 

How much? Grizz couldn’t even put it into words just how much he yearned to be around Sam and how much it fucking sucked not to be. He couldn’t say it so in Grizz’s fuzzy mind there was only one way.

 

“I can show you,” Grizz said.

 

“How?”

 

Grizz watched Sam carefully, searching for any sign that the other boy didn’t want it. With a newfound wave of liquid confidence, Grizz leant in closer to Sam. He breathed the other boy in and once again his senses were filled with that intoxicating scent that was _Sam_. Their noses brushed and the skin on Grizz’s face felt numb but at the same time he could feel every little molecule of Sam touching him.

 

And then Grizz couldn’t help himself anymore. He pressed his lips to Sam’s in an almost desperate kiss. The mere contact was enough for Grizz to lose all function of every other body part as he dropped the empty wine bottle to the thankfully carpeted floor. Every little bit of desire he had towards Sam was in the one kiss, and Grizz hoped Sam felt it. He hoped the kiss proved to Sam just how much he missed him. Only, Sam wasn’t moving. Grizz thought maybe he read this wrong. Maybe Sam didn’t want it, but the moment Grizz tried to pull back, Sam’s lips frantically chased his.

 

Sam kissing him back was all Grizz needed for his body to wake up again. Not wanting to let it end, Grizz held each side of Sam’s face with tender hands. The kiss was different to their first one; so sweet and terrifying at the same time. This kiss was sloppy, alcohol fueled and filled with enough tension to make Grizz want to explode.

 

Grizz wanted Sam so fucking badly. He wanted to taste every inch of him. He wanted to kiss him everywhere, not just those perfectly plump, soft lips. With that in mind, Grizz trailed his lips down Sam’s jaw, edging closer and closer to the boy’s neck.

 

“I thought you said you wanted to wait until college,” Sam said the moment his lips were free.

 

Grizz pulled back, a little thrown by the question, because he just wanted to kiss Sam, not talk. Grizz didn’t want to think about this. He was so tired of _thinking_.

 

“I do, but…but I want you so bad, Sam,” Grizz said and he leant in to kiss Sam, but Sam turned his head to the side, moving back. Grizz looked at him in confusion, because well, hadn’t Sam been flirting with him all night? Or was Grizz imagining that? Didn’t Sam still like him too?

 

“What is this, Grizz?” Sam questioned.

 

“What do you mean?” Grizz asked.

 

“I asked you two weeks ago to sort your head out and figure out what you want. Did you?” Sam asked back.

 

Grizz froze and he didn’t know what to say, because no, he hadn’t sorted his head out. He didn’t even try. He decided to just pretend he was straight, to have things go back to normal. He wanted to revert back to his original plan of not coming out, but at the same time he wanted to kiss Sam. He didn’t know how to have both.

 

“I don’t just want to be some guy that you kiss every now and again and then push away. These past two weeks with us not talking…I hate it, Grizz,” Sam said.

 

Sam wasn’t speaking anymore, and Grizz knew he was waiting for him to say something, but Grizz didn’t even know what Sam wanted. Did he want Grizz to come out? Did he want to be boyfriends? Were those two things one in the same? Sam was getting impatient. Grizz could see it in the other boy’s eyes, and Grizz was panicking, _again._

 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend or not?” Sam asked.

 

“Uh…”

 

Grizz’s mind was a blur. He let the alcohol take over instead of facing the real questions. Of course he wanted Sam to be his boyfriend, but it was complicated. He just couldn’t think. It was like there was an error sign flashing in front of his eyes in angry, red letters with an alarm blaring, screaming at him ‘DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!’. Grizz’s mind had shut down once again, and he had been silent for a moment too long.

 

“I gotta go,” Sam said and got up.

 

And Grizz just sat there. He just fucking sat there not knowing what to do or say as Sam walked back up the stairs and through the cellar door. Grizz looked around, now by himself, in complete silence except for the echoing basslines upstairs.

 

“Fuck…” Grizz whispered, because he did it again. He fucked things up again and he had no idea how he managed to do it. He hated himself. He just had Sam back as his friend and it was the happiest he had been in two weeks, and he just went and screwed it up by kissing him. That wasn’t what friends did.

 

“Fuck!” Grizz shouted and ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

 

He wanted to sit there for the rest of the night and just cry or sober up and drive home, but he ended up doing neither of those things. He just wanted the voice in his head telling him he fucked up to shut the hell up. He wanted to hear nothing and feel nothing. He wanted to scream at the world and his parents and him-fucking-self.

 

Grizz got up and headed back upstairs with just one person in mind to find. Luke would be no help, and neither would Gwen. He needed someone who was dumb enough to indulge in his self-destructive mood. He searched through the ground floor until he went outside and found Clark lounging by the side of the pool on one of the beds.

 

“Hey, Clark,” Grizz greeted him.

 

“Yeah, bud?” Clark slurred with a grin on his face.

 

“Let’s get fucking wasted, yeah?” Grizz asked.

 

Clark sat up, eyeing Grizz curiously, “you okay?”

 

“Fucking peachy. I bet I can drink you under the table though,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay SO the party is not over yet! Honestly last chapter, this chapter and the next were all supposed to be just one chapter but I didn't think they'd end up being as long as they were so I had to split it. I'm also still determined to write Sam's POV but I think that'll come after the next chapter. Anyway, thanks for reading!!


	14. Wasted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 recap: Grizz and Sam decided they could be friends. Instead, they flirted a lot and kissed. Sam was mad because Grizz won't commit to anything and left him there. Grizz decided to get drunk.

Grizz couldn’t remember a time in his entire adolescence that he had consumed so much alcohol, and the reason wasn’t memory loss. Usually at parties he drank enough to get a buzz going or give him enough confidence to fuck a random girl to hide his sexuality. Now he drank to, well, hide his own feelings about his sexuality. He just wanted to forget how much he had fucked everything up.

 

Grizz felt weightless as he slumped against Clark’s side. The other boy tried desperately to keep his barely conscious friend from falling to the floor. Grizz lulled his head to Clark’s shoulder and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was being dragged along, Grizz probably could have fallen asleep then and there.

 

“Yo, Jason! Help me out here man. The fucker’s heavy,” Clark’s deep voice boomed through the music to their other friend.

 

“I’m not fat. You’re fat. Why would y- say, why would you say that ‘bout me?” Grizz whined.

 

“I’m not calling you fat. But when you’re dead weight, you’re fuckin’ heavy,” Clark said, and then Grizz felt his left side being lifted. Grizz smiled when he saw Jason’s face.

 

“Hey, J-money, where y’been?” Grizz asked.

 

“Literally drinking with you for the past hour,” Jason said.

 

“The fuck? Really?” Grizz asked.

 

“Really, really,” Jason said.

 

“Okay, Shrek,” Grizz snorted, “y’ got layers?”

 

“What?” Jason asked.

 

“Like an onion, y’know? Layers. Jason c’mon,” Grizz stared at his friend and he didn’t know why the other boy didn’t understand what he was saying.

 

“The fuck is he talking about?” Jason asked.

 

“Shrek,” Clark said.

 

Grizz’s neck snapped as his attention shot to Clark, his eyes wide in shock, “you’re so clever. Don’t know why everyone thinks you’re so dumb.”

 

“Who thinks I’m dumb?” Clark asked.

 

“Me. Gwen. Ms. Chan,” Grizz mumbled.

 

“That’s nice,” Clark said and Grizz smiled, nodding at him.

 

Jason and Clark half carried, half dragged, Grizz in to the house from the pool area and through the crowd of people that had only thinned out about a quarter since an hour ago. There were still a lot of people drinking, dancing, and straight up grinding on each other. Grizz saw all of that first hand as his friends took him to one of the living rooms and dropped him on the empty couch.

 

“Aww you guys. You’re so nice to me,” Grizz said as he looked up at the two of them standing above him. He reached out because he wanted to hug them, but his arms were so heavy and Clark and Jason weren’t making any moves to hug him first. Grizz pouted, dropping his arms to his sides.

 

“Why the fuck did you let him have that much, dude?” Jason asked. Grizz looked to Clark accusingly for an answer.

 

“Not my fault! He challenged me. You know I can’t resist a little competition,” Clark said. Grizz nodded in agreement and flung his attention back to Jason.

 

“He’s so fuckin’ out of it,” Jason laughed.

 

“I think he had a lot to drink before we started,” Clark said.

 

“Don’t you bitch asses be talkin’ ‘bout me like ‘m not here. I am here, and I _hear_. Get it,” Grizz snorted. He slumped over on the couch as he broke into a fit of lazy laughter. He tried to sit up again but his body felt like it was made of lead, and he wanted to sleep. The cushions on the couch were so comfortable and the music was fading from his ears. He could just shut the world out and be perfectly happy.

 

“Hey,” Clark’s voice interrupted Grizz’s attempts at sleep. Clark made him sit up and Grizz whined in annoyance. He just wanted to sleep. He opened his eyes, seeing Clark sitting close to him. Grizz blinked a few times, trying to focus on the other boy’s perfect features.

 

“You’re real pretty, you know? Real pretty,” Grizz slapped the side of Clark’s face maybe a little too hard before stroking it. Clark had always been a bit of a pretty boy and was the one in the group to go on about skin care and moisturizers and Grizz could tell it worked, because the boy’s face was so damn smooth and didn’t have a single blemish on it.

 

“Thanks, buddy. You’re pretty too,” Clark humored his drunk friend.

 

“That’s a gay thing to say. You got a crush on me?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, Grizz. I got a crush on you,” Clark laughed.

 

“Fuck,” was all Grizz could say, because what? Sam _and_ Clark? Grizz sat there thinking of all the ways he could make himself less attractive, because he didn’t need all of his friends falling for him.

 

“Clark, my buddy, m’ pal, m’ friend, m’ comrade. My donkey to Jason’s Shrek. I don’t like you like that. ‘m sorry,” Grizz said sincerely.

 

“I’m heartbroken,” Clark deadpanned, “drink this. You need to sober up.”

 

Clark shoved a bottle of water into Grizz’s hands. Grizz looked at the bottle like it was the pure embodiment of evil. This wouldn’t help him get drunk. He looked back to Clark as if the other boy had betrayed him.

 

“We’re s’posed to be gettin’ lit,” Grizz slurred.

 

“And you are lit, Grizzy. Too lit. Drink up. I’ll come by in a few to check on you, okay?” Clark said.

 

“I don’t need checkin’ on. I’m fine,” Grizz argued.

 

“Of course you are. I’ll be back though,” Clark said as he stood.

 

“Mmk.”

 

“Yo, Luke!” Clark called out, “tag team.”

 

“I’m watching him,” Luke said, and what the fuck? Luke was there? Grizz looked around and sure enough, a little bit away, was Luke with his arm around Helena, talking to Allie and Harry.

 

Grizz was alone. Clark left. He had no clue where to Jason went off to, or even when he left him. Grizz kept spacing out, losing chunks of time. It only felt like five minutes ago that he had the first shot with Clark. Grizz knew a lot more time had gone by though. He didn’t have his phone on him to figure out just how much. All Grizz knew at that moment was that it was late, he had too much to drink, and he knew that soon he would either throw up, or pass out. Or both.

 

Grizz looked at the bottle of water still in his hands. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to just have a little. That was Grizz’s thought anyway. He tried to undo the cap of the bottle, but it was like he lost all motor skills.

 

“Childproof. Rude,” Grizz muttered. He just couldn’t get the damn thing opened and he almost wanted to cry. He looked around and as soon as his gaze landed on someone he knew, he called them over.

 

“Carla!” he called out, “Carla, help.”

 

Carla had been nearby dancing with a couple of her friends when she turned at Grizz’s voice. She beamed at him as she made her way over. Her hips swung in that mesmerizing manner that made all the boys look twice, but Grizz, well, Grizz was gay and he just wanted to open the bottle of water.

 

“Hey baby, I’ve been waiting to run into you all night. What’s wrong?” Carla asked as she sat next to Grizz.

 

“I can’t open my bottle,” Grizz frowned.

 

“You’ve always had delicate hands,” Carla said as she took the water from. She opened the bottle easily and handed it back to Grizz who turned his frown upside down in a smile.

 

“You’re a good friend,” Grizz said.

 

“We’re friends now, are we? Is that what you call it?” Carla giggled. She rested her hand on Grizz’s thigh and he didn’t think anything of it, because well, it was normal for them.

 

Carla and Grizz were friends, that much was true. It was the “with benefits” part that could confuse the two on the term. Carla was a cool chick, and she and Grizz had always been friends on some level until a couple of years ago at a party when Clark and Jason were teasing Grizz about his virginity, and well, Carla was just _there,_ and it just happened. And Grizz was relieved after they did it because how could anyone think he was gay when he was having sex with a girl? And so, he kept it up, at almost every party he went to, she was there, and they’d end up hooking up.

 

Carla was a good choice, in Grizz’s eyes. He wasn’t attracted to women, but she was gorgeous. He could see that. She always took charge too, which at those times was exactly what Grizz needed because, even though he’d like to one day take charge in the bedroom, he couldn’t bring himself to do it with a girl. Carla got things done and she didn’t ask Grizz questions. She didn’t ask him why it took him a while to get hard, or that one time he couldn’t at all. Being a teenage boy, almost anything could turn him on, but he really had to work for it sometimes.

 

Carla was also perfectly happy with the lack of commitment in their little arrangement. She never asked Grizz to be her boyfriend. She never pressured him into talking about feelings or anything like that. She just wanted sex. It worked. Grizz hadn’t spoken to Carla since before he began talking to Sam.

 

“You having fun tonight?” Carla asked.

 

“Mhm.”

 

“You look it. I saw you, Clark and Jason doing shots earlier by the pool,” she said.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Carla kept talking and Grizz wanted to fall asleep. He rested his head on the back of the couch and watched her as she talked, nodding every now and again when he felt like he had to. The scene was one that was all too familiar to him. They’d talk. They’d kiss. They’d go upstairs. It was the same every time, only this time, Grizz’s mind was far, far away from sex.

 

“I was hoping you’d have been at the party after Fugitives. I was looking for you everywhere until Gwen told me you went home. Which by the way, she was _such_ a bitch about. I think she likes you, actually,” Carla said thoughtfully.

 

“Don’t call her a bitch. She’s an angel,” Grizz mumbled.

 

“Don’t tell me you like her too,” Carla laughed incredulously.

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“Well, good, because I wouldn’t want to end what we’ve got going on,” Carla said.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You’re cute when you play dumb,” Carla said.

 

She moved closer and Grizz could smell the strong, but sweet, citrus perfume coming off her. Grizz could only half comprehend what was happening. He didn’t really clue in to what Carla wanted until she kissed his neck. Grizz giggled because he was kind of ticklish there. He inched away from the girl, but she was pro-active. In less than a second Carla was on top of Grizz with her arms around his neck.

 

“What are you doin’?” Grizz barely voiced as he looked up at her.

 

“What we always do,” she said sweetly.

 

Carla leant in and pressed her lips to Grizz’s. Her tongue was quick to shoot into his mouth, and Grizz went slack. He couldn’t keep up with what was going on and his brain was an absolute mess of confusion. He liked the way Carla tasted of strawberries and vodka, but he didn’t like it enough to want to kiss her. 

 

Grizz didn’t know what to do as he sat there with the girl on top of him. This was what they did, right? Carla said it herself. Grizz was used to this, and well, he lost all track of time. He couldn’t remember where he was or why he was kissing her. He couldn’t even tell if he _was_ kissing her. It was like his muscle memory had kicked in and took over.

 

“What the fuck, Carla?” Luke’s voice broke through the utter confusion in Grizz’s mind. Then, Carla wasn’t kissing him and Grizz sighed in relief.

 

“What?” Carla asked, and Grizz opened his eyes to look between Carla, who was still on top of him, and Luke who was standing by them, towering over the two.

 

“He’s off his fucking face and you wanna hook up?” Luke snapped.

 

“It’s not like we haven’t before?” Carla laughed.

 

“Right, and _before_ he wasn’t this fucking wasted. Go find someone else to fuck if you’re that desperate,” Luke barked at her and Grizz had no fucking idea what was going on, and why was Luke so _mad?_

 

“Jesus, relax. I’m fucking going,” Carla said defensively. She got off of Grizz and didn’t give him another glance as she went back to her friends, took one by the hand and left the room. 

 

“Bye!” Grizz called out. He didn’t get a response.

 

Luke sat in the empty spot next to Grizz and Grizz turned to him with a smile.

 

“You’re a good friend,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” Luke said, and he still sounded a bit annoyed. Grizz didn’t really get why. Carla was right, they had hooked up before. Then again, it felt different now.

 

“I didn’t wanna have the sex with her,” Grizz told Luke.

 

“I could tell.”

 

“I don’t really wanna have the sex with any girls. They’re kinda eww,” Grizz scrunched his nose up.

 

Luke laughed and smiled so brightly at Grizz, and Grizz wondered why. He also wondered why Luke threw his arm around his shoulder and squeezed tightly in a side hug. Grizz sat there confused and frowning.

 

“You’re so fuckin’ wasted,” Luke said.

 

“Probs,” Grizz nodded. He looked away from Luke and instead out at the people still partying away. Grizz wanted to get up and party too but he was afraid that if he stood up, he would be so dizzy that he would fall right back down again.

 

Through the crowd Grizz could see the five-foot-nothing bundle of pure anger that was Becca storming past people, shoving them out of the way as she made a beeline for Grizz. Grizz glanced at Luke, wondering if it was Luke that Becca was mad at, or himself. Because what the hell could Grizz have possibly done now?

 

“What the _fuck_ , Grizz. What the fuck!?” Becca shouted at him.

 

“What? What I do?” Grizz asked.

 

“You-,” Becca stopped, glancing at Luke. She leant in, right to Grizz’s ear and spoke directly to him, “Sam saw you kissing that hoe. That’s what happened. And now he’s upset and left. So, I repeat, what the actual fuck is wrong with you?”

 

Becca pulled back and Grizz’s eyes went wide. Sam was here? Sam was still fucking here? He was sure Sam had left the party when he left the wine cellar. Grizz didn’t know he was still here, and fuck, he saw him kissing Carla. Fuck. _Fuck._

“Where is he?” Grizz asked.

 

“He just left,” Becca said.

 

“No, no, no,” Grizz chanted. He really fucked it up this time. He had to go after Sam.

 

Ignoring the alcohol swishing around in his stomach, Grizz got off the couch and stumbled through the mass of people, all of whom ignored his drunk ass as he tried to walk in a straight line towards the front door. Grizz didn’t know how he was going to explain this to Sam, he just knew he had to find him.

 

“Grizz!” Luke called out to him, and a moment later a strong hand latched onto Grizz’s bicep and made him stop. Grizz turned to see his best friend. “What happened? Where are you going?”

 

“I gotta go,” Grizz pulled away from Luke’s grip and went to the door.

 

“Give me your car keys,” Luke ordered as he stepped in front of the door, blocking Grizz.

 

“What?”

 

“Drunk Grizz is a dumb Grizz. Give me your car keys,” Luke said again.

 

“I don’t have time for this, Luke. He saw me kiss Carla. Sam saw, ‘n I gotta go ‘cause he’s mad, ‘n I suck, ‘n I gotta go or he won’t like me anymore,” Grizz whined. 

 

“Okay, but, car keys,” Luke said.

 

Grizz, in a huff, took his keys from his jeans pocket and shoved them at Luke before pushing him out of the way. Grizz went through the front door and ran out into the empty front yard. It was so much quieter out there. The street was illuminated by only streetlights and the moon, and it was enough for Grizz to see someone he prayed was Sam walking down the street.

 

“Sam!” Grizz called out dumbly, “Sam! Sam!”

 

It was completely lost on him that Sam couldn’t hear a thing he was saying, but Grizz still shouted out his name as he ran down the street after the boy. As he got closer, he saw that it was, in fact, Sam, and Grizz was so relieved that the boy of his dreams hadn’t gotten too far away.

 

Grizz caught up to Sam and ran around in front of him so he’d stop. Sam did stop in tracks, for just a moment. He looked up at Grizz in shock, clearly not thinking the other boy would have chased him out there. Sam rolled his eyes and went to walk right past Grizz, but Grizz stopped him, gently holding his hands to Sam’s chest in a desperate attempt to have him pay attention. Sam sighed and his gaze landed on Grizz’s lips.

 

“Please, please, don’ go. I-I’m sorry. She kissed me and I didn’t, I just, it wasn’t, I can’t-,” Grizz stopped his mumbling and rambling when Sam put one hand up in front of Grizz’s face, silencing him.

 

“I can’t understand you when you’re this drunk and talking fast and it’s dark,” Sam said.

 

Grizz looked around before taking two steps back so he was directly under one of the street-lights. Sam watched him carefully and Grizz really thought he was going to leave, especially when Sam took two steps forward, but when he stopped right in front of Grizz, he relaxed and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Grizz signed.

 

“She had her tongue down your throat,” Sam said.

 

“I didn’t,” Grizz shook his head, “I didn’t want it.”

 

“You were kissing her back. I can’t do this anymore, Grizz. It hurts,” Sam said.

 

“I-I didn’t. I’m…drunk. I- fuck,” Grizz didn’t know what to say. How was he supposed to tell Sam what was going through his head when Carla kissed him when he didn’t even know himself what the fuck he was thinking.

 

“You weren’t drunk when you kissed me,” Sam said.

 

“What?”

 

“We were going to be friends, and you kissed me, even though you don’t want to be with me. Then you kiss her right in front me. What the fuck, Grizz?” Sam threw his hands up in frustration, and Grizz realized he was frustrated too, and all of a sudden he wanted to argue with Sam.

 

“Like ‘m the only one to blame? You’re all like let’s be friends and then you fuckin’ act like you do. You don’t act how a friend should. That shit was not fuckin’ platonic. How the fuck was I not supposed to kiss you? Huh? What the fuck was I supposed to do?” Grizz rambled.

 

“I can’t understand you when you’re slurring,” Sam said impatiently.

 

Grizz took another deep breath because he really didn’t want to yell at Sam but he was getting frustrated by the entire conversation.

 

“You were flirting with me,” Grizz said almost harshly as he pointed to Sam and then himself.

 

Sam didn’t say anything, and Grizz was wasted, beyond wasted, but he swore he saw a glimmer of guilt in Sam’s eyes.

 

“You said just friends, and then you flirted with me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Grizz said, “Just tell me what to do…because I’m lost, Sam.”

 

And then Grizz felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. Grizz was supposed to be so put together. He had a life plan and everything. He used to be able to control his emotions so well, but all he had been lately was a complete mess. Everything was unravelling all because he really liked Sam and he was trying so hard not to. He was trying to stick to the plan, and he was just so exhausted. He didn’t want to do it anymore.

 

Grizz sobbed and his head ached. The crying didn’t help his dizziness and he soon found himself sitting there on the ground, curled in on himself. He hugged his knees to his chest as hysteria took over and he just couldn’t fucking stop crying. Grizz just wanted to be happy. That was all he ever wanted. He was happy with Sam, so why was he crying so much? He couldn’t think clearly and he wished he didn’t drink so much because he knew he probably looked like a total train-wreck in that moment.

 

“Don’t cry,” a soft voice spoke. Grizz looked up, blinking through tears as Sam knelt in front of him. “Please, stop crying.”

 

“I can’t,” Grizz choked out.

 

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I was flirting and I shouldn’t have,” Sam acknowledged.

 

“No, I fuckin’ loved it,” Grizz admitted.

 

Sam smiled and ran his hair soothingly through Grizz’s hair, only it didn’t soothe Grizz at all. It just made him cry harder, because what the fuck? How was Sam this perfect? How was Sam the one apologizing to Grizz?

 

“Stop crying,” Sam said again.

 

Grizz shook his head, “I hurt you.”

 

“We should talk when you’re sober,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shook his head again because he feared being sober again. He feared that he’d shut down on Sam and run in the opposite direction again. Grizz felt so far from being his true self. Grizz never drank that much. He was nice. He wasn’t awful like he had been to Sam. He didn’t even know himself anymore. He thought he had everything all figured out and his plan was derailed all because he couldn’t stop thinking about one boy.

 

“I don’ feel like me,” Grizz spluttered, “I’m like a fuckin’ stranger. I don’t like hurtin’ people ‘n I hurt you ’n ’m sorry. I d-don’t mean to. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what t-to fucking do. ‘m so scared, Sam. ’m so fucking scared. I just want you but I don’t know how ‘n I wanna get over it but it’s fucking eating me alive. I’m s-sorry.”

 

Grizz looked at Sam through tear-filled eyes, and Sam was looking at Grizz like he didn’t understand what he was saying, and of course Sam didn’t because Grizz was a sobbing mess, and slurring and probably wouldn’t make sense to someone who could actually hear him and it made Grizz all the more frustrated that he couldn’t sort out his own feelings to himself, let alone Sam.

 

“What’d he say? I can’t understand,” Sam said as he looked up, and Grizz looked in the same direction because he thought they were alone, but Luke was there. Luke was fucking standing there a few feet away and Grizz felt sick.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz cried. Everything was stirring in his stomach; the beer, wine, tequila shots, vodka. It was a deadly concoction and Grizz just felt so disgustingly sick in that moment that he couldn’t help the bile rising to his throat and spilling from his mouth as he puked all over his shirt. He turned away from Sam and crawled to the grass before he vomited again. The side of Grizz’s stomach where Campbell had kneed him ached as he heaved again. Grizz hated throwing up. Then again, didn’t everyone? In the back of his mind he probably knew it was best to throw it all up, rather than get alcohol poisoning.

 

One of the two boys with him stroked his hair gently and the other patted his back, resting his hand on Grizz’s shoulder. Grizz knew exactly who was who. Sam’s hand through his hair felt like heaven and helped to calm the ache in his head as he finished emptying the contents of his stomach. Grizz looked up at Sam and he had never been more embarrassed in his life.

 

“Don’t look at me,” Grizz groaned. He crawled back and fell to the grass, rolling on his back and looking up at the night sky. He closed his eyes for a moment and he could hear voices but his mind was shutting down.

 

“No, no. No sleeping yet, Grizzy,” Luke spoke, “gotta get you in the car first.”

 

Grizz opened his eyes and saw both Sam and Luke standing above him. Both boys crouched down and took each of Grizz’s hands before pulling. Grizz went with them easily and stood on shaky legs. He could smell the alcohol all over him. His shirt was wet and sticking to him. He had never felt more disgusting in his entire life.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz said to the both of them.

 

Sam shook his head, dismissing the apology before stepping forward.

 

“Arms up,” Sam said, and Grizz had no clue why he asked him to do that, but he raised his arms without question anyway. Sam tugged on the ends of Grizz’s shirt before pulling it off the swaying boy. Grizz thought he was about to fall over, but Luke came to his side and put his arm around Grizz’s waist.

 

And fuck. Luke was here. What did Luke hear? What did Luke know? Grizz looked at his best friend inquisitively.

 

“I’m not gay, Luke,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay, buddy,” Luke nodded.

 

“I’m not, I swear,” Grizz said like it was the most serious thing he had said in his life.

 

Grizz turned to look at Sam who was standing in front of the two before shaking his head.

 

“It’s k. I am,” he whispered loudly.

 

“He’s so not gonna remember this in the morning,” Luke said.

 

“Fuck you, I will,” Grizz said.

 

“Sure you will,” Luke said, “now let’s get you in the car.”

 

Car? Grizz didn’t know what was going on, but he just followed Luke and Sam’s lead as Luke took him over to his car. Sam opened the back door and got in before Luke ushered a clumsy Grizz in too. Grizz practically collapsed across the back seat. His head landed on Sam’s lap and he wasn’t exactly mad about that. He rolled onto his back and looked up at Sam’s beautiful face.

 

“Hi,” Grizz said, and Sam didn’t notice him talk. Sam looked down though and brushed Grizz’s hair from out of his face. Sam’s touch was the best thing Grizz had ever felt, and soon Grizz found himself completely knocked out; dead to the world.

 

\--

 

** Sam **

****

Sam looked down at Grizz who had his head rested on his lap as he slept peacefully. Well, slept was a nice word for it. The truth was that Grizz had passed out the second he crawled into the back seat of the car. Sam was glad that Grizz wasn’t conscious anymore, because seeing Grizz crying, looking so scared and in so much pain killed Sam. Sam had a small inkling that there was something wrong with Grizz, ever since he had a panic attack in the library, but Sam had no clue just how much pain he was holding onto until tonight.

 

Sam glanced up at Luke who was in the driver’s seat. Luke swore black and blue that he was sober enough to drive and Sam only lived a few streets away, so Sam had agreed to let Luke drive them back to Sam’s house. Sam could’ve walked on his own but there was no way he was leaving Grizz, and it wasn’t like the drunk boy could exactly walk in the state he was in.

 

Sam’s gaze fell on Grizz once more. He ran his fingers through the other boy’s hair before trailing his fingertips along the side of Grizz’s face and down to his neck. He hated fighting with Grizz, he really did. It was just that he liked Grizz so much and wanted it to work so badly. He felt like every time he and Grizz took a step forward, they were pushed two steps back. Sam desperately wanted to get to the bottom of why Grizz always shut him out and pushed him away, but that could wait until he was sober.

 

Luke pulled up to Sam’s house after Sam gave him directions, and the two of them lugged Grizz’s body through the house. Sam just hoped he didn’t wake Campbell, if he was there. Grizz half woke up when they got upstairs and Sam only noticed it when he turned on the bathroom light.

 

‘He’s a mess,’ Sam said and looked at Luke.

 

‘I didn’t realize just how much he drank,’ Luke said.

 

‘We need to shower him,’ Sam said, and Luke nodded in agreement.

 

Grizz had thrown up all over himself, and while Sam had taken off his shirt, it was still on his chest, face, and in his hair, probably. Grizz was lucky Sam liked him, because he wouldn’t do this for just anymore.

 

Sam and Luke undressed Grizz down to his boxer briefs, and it was a very, very different mood as to when Sam saw Grizz earlier that night getting out of the pool. Luke did most of the work, getting Grizz into the shower and the moment the cold water hit Grizz, the boy’s eyes shot open and he looked around.

 

‘It’s okay,’ Sam said.

 

Grizz’s gaze landed on Sam’s and he smiled wide.

 

‘Why am I in a shower?’ Grizz asked, ‘with Luke?’

 

‘Because you threw up all over yourself,’ Sam told him.

 

‘What? No,’ Grizz shook his head.

 

And if Sam hadn’t just witnessed Grizz crying all snotty and throwing up all over himself, then he would’ve found drunk Grizz to be cute. But he didn’t.

 

Luke said something to Grizz and stepped out of the shower. Sam watched warily as Grizz leant against the shower wall. He was starting too sober up a little under the cold spray. Sam was afraid he might pass out again, but he watched on as Grizz became more alert and searched for the shower gel.

 

Luke took Sam’s arm, making Sam glance up with a questioning look.

 

‘He’ll be fine. Do you have clothes for him?’ Luke asked, and Sam nodded. He went back to his room, found a change of clothes and took it back to Grizz, leaving it on the counter top. Grizz looked steady enough to be left alone so Sam and Luke left the bathroom, going back to Sam’s room.

 

Sam felt a little shaky. He hadn’t had even nearly as much alcohol as what Grizz had, so maybe it was all the events of the night making him feel a bit giddy. He turned to Luke who was standing there awkwardly in his room. Shit, Luke knew. Sam didn’t care that Luke knew about him and Grizz, but Sam knew that Grizz would care, a lot. Sam remembered Grizz’s meltdown in the library when Gwen found out about them. He could only imagine what Grizz would do if he knew Luke found out.

 

‘So, how long have you and Grizz been together?’ Luke asked.

 

‘We’re not,’ Sam replied.

 

Luke stayed still for a moment before taking a couple steps forward.

 

‘Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but like…he doesn’t talk to me, you know? He doesn’t really talk to anyone about himself. He’s really closed off,’ Luke said and Sam followed the movements of his lips closely. Luke wasn’t as easy to understand as Grizz was, but maybe that was because Grizz’s lips were so damn mesmerizing and Sam was used to seeing Grizz speak.

 

‘I know.’

 

‘I worry about him,’ Luke said.

 

‘Me too. I don’t know what to do. He’s so far in the closet,’ Sam said.

 

‘I don’t know why. No one would care if he’s gay. None of our friends would care,’ Luke said, and Sam knew it wasn’t that simple.

 

‘What do you know about his parents?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Not a lot. I think they kind of suck but he doesn’t really talk about them,’ Luke said.

 

Sam was disappointed. He so badly wanted to know why Grizz was like this. He just wanted Grizz to open up to him.

 

‘Do me a favor?’ Luke asked.

 

‘What?’

 

‘If he can’t remember tonight, don’t tell him I know. I want him to tell me when he’s ready,’ Luke said.

 

Sam nodded. He didn’t like the idea of keeping something from Grizz, but at the same time it was probably in Grizz’s best interest that he doesn’t know Luke knows. Sam didn’t want him to have another panic attack.

 

‘I’m gonna go. Look after him, okay?’ Luke asked.

 

‘Always,’ Sam replied.

 

Luke smiled at him and nodded before leaving the room, and Sam to his thoughts. Sam stepped back and fell onto his bed. What a fucking night. Sam felt like he had been through a damn hurricane, first with his psychopathic brother hurting Grizz, then being Grizz’s friend, kissing him, fighting with him. Sam was exhausted and he could have so easily just fallen asleep, but Grizz was here in his house.

 

A few minutes later Sam noticed the shadow in the room. He sat up and Saw Grizz standing there at the now-closed door, hair wet, and wearing just the sweats Sam gave him. They rode up a few inches above his ankle, much too short for Grizz’s long legs. Sam’s eyes flicked down to the bruise that was forming on Grizz’s stomach. He really fucking hated his brother sometimes, and if he wasn’t so scared of Campbell, then Sam would have gone right up to him and punched him in that smug face of his.

 

‘Too small,’ Grizz said, holding up Sam’s shirt.

 

‘Sorry’, Sam signed.

 

‘No, I’m sorry,” Grizz said, and the way he looked at Sam made Sam think of an injured kitten, and he couldn’t take that right now.

 

‘Not tonight,’ Sam shook his head.

 

‘Do you want me to go?’ Grizz asked.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Thanks.’

 

‘Are you okay with sharing a bed?’ Sam asked.

 

Grizz smiled and nodded, ‘duh.’

 

Sam got off the bed, turned on his bed-side lamp then went over to Grizz who was still standing timidly at the door. Sam flicked the main bedroom light off before taking Grizz’s hand and leading the boy to his bed.

 

‘Lay down. I’m going to change,’ Sam said.

 

Grizz did as he was told. He got on the bed and Sam watched him as he buried himself under the covers. Sam gave a small smile before turning and getting his own clothes. He quickly got changed, opting to shower in the morning because he didn’t want to leave Grizz. When Sam turned back to Grizz, Grizz was looking at him with a sleepy smile.

 

‘How are you feeling?” Sam asked.

 

‘Like I can fly,’ Grizz said.

 

‘Okay, Peter Pan,’ Sam teased.

 

He went over to Grizz and crawled under the covers. The two boys faced each other and all Sam wanted to do was reach out and brush Grizz’s wet hair out of his eyes or just move closer and hug him, but instead he stayed there, leaving at least a foot of space between them. Sam kept watching him as Grizz’s blinking became heavier and heavier until his eyes finally stayed shut for the night.

 

Sam let himself indulge at that point. He reached out and brushed the strands of hair out of Grizz’s eyes and then lay there watching him for another half an hour before finally falling asleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! ABOUT SAM'S POV, I wrote another Sam's POV chapter thing for the companion fic on my page if anyone's interested. The end of this chapter was supposed to be in it too but I felt like it belonged more in this part of the story. We will continue with our regular Grizz POV in the next chapter.


	15. Don't run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 recap: Grizz got drunk. Like really drunk. This girl Carla made out with him and Luke was like bitch back the heck up. Sam saw. Drama. Grizz cried. Grizz basically admitted to Luke he's gay and likes Sam. But he was drunk AF and won't remember. Luke took Sam and Grizz to Sam's house. SAM'S POV. It happened. Luke made Sam promise not to tell Grizz he knows he's gay.

Grizz woke up early, too early for his liking, especially after a night of heavy drinking. It was like there was someone with a mallet repeatedly knocking him over the head, leaving him with a constant throbbing.

 

“Ah, fuck,” Grizz groaned. He shuffled in his spot on the bed, willing himself to sleep for a moment longer, but with the aching in his head and stomach, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. He opened his eyes, wincing at the sunlight flickering in through the blinds and, what? Blinds? Grizz didn’t have blinds.

 

Grizz opened his eyes wider and sat up, ignoring the spinning in his head, and oh, Grizz was in _Sam’s_ room. He looked around for any sign of the other boy, but he wasn’t there. The only indication that he had been there was that the other side of the bed had been slept in.

 

“What the fuck?” Grizz whispered to himself. The last thing he could remember was doing shots with Clark. He also remembered Sam being pissed at him and leaving after they kissed in the wine cellar because Grizz did what he did best when it came to Sam; he fucked everything up. And yet, Grizz ended up in Sam’s room, in Sam’s bed, without a shirt on. How in the actual fuck?

 

Grizz jumped and his heart raced a mile when the door opened without warning. Grizz had the sudden urge to pull the blanket up over his chest, but when he realized it was just Sam, he didn’t bother. Sam smiled when he spotted Grizz, and Grizz’s mind went blank. He was missing something, he knew he was, because Sam was supposed to be mad at him, not bringing him a glass of water and ibuprofen which he had in each hand.

 

“Hey, thought you’d be up. You were starting to stir,” Sam said as he held out the water and pills to Grizz. For a moment, Grizz eyed it cautiously, not that he thought Sam would poison him or anything like that, but he was just confused.

 

‘Thank you,’ Grizz signed and took Sam’s offering. Sam sat next to Grizz on the bed, shuffling close and sitting cross-legged.

 

‘You’re welcome,’ Sam signed back before speaking, “drink it all.”

 

Grizz’s mouth was dry and tasted like, well, death, so he was more than happy to obey Sam’s command. He popped the two pills in his mouth and swallowed them with the entire glass of water.

 

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked while signing, and Grizz followed his movements because even though he hadn’t been speaking to Sam a whole lately, he was still trying to keep up learning ASL and trying to retain what he already had learnt. In the back of his mind he hoped he’d at the very least be friends with Sam again, but last night proved they couldn’t do that.

 

“Sore,” Grizz said.

 

“Here?” Sam asked before lightly tapping the tender skin on the side of Grizz’s stomach. Grizz nodded as he looked down. He was right, a bruise did form. It was dark purple and looked a lot worse than it actually felt, but that wasn’t to say it didn’t hurt at all, because it did.

 

“It hurts to breathe,” Grizz said as he looked back up at Sam.

 

“Do you think something is broken?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz shook his head and the two went silent. Grizz glanced around. He was pretty sure he wasn’t wearing his own pants, and his phone wasn’t anywhere in sight. And how the hell did he get to Sam’s house? What did they do last night and why couldn’t Grizz remember? Well, Grizz knew why he didn’t remember. He practically drank himself into a coma.

 

“What, uhm…what happened last night?” Grizz questioned.

 

“You don’t remember?” Sam asked.

 

“I remember…us kissing, and uhm, and you leaving. Then doing shots with Clark and…” Grizz stopped with a shrug.

 

“Oh, well, I didn’t leave,” Sam said plainly. Grizz studied the boy’s face. He wished Sam would just tell him what happened, if anything happened. Why did Sam suddenly not hate him? Did they make up? Or more? Grizz felt a little dizzy, and not from the remnants of alcohol. Grizz liked Sam a lot, but the thought of hooking up and not remembering had his anxiety levels spiking.

 

“Did we…I mean, you and me…” Grizz gestured to the bed, at a loss for words.

 

“Have sex?” Sam finished bluntly.

 

Grizz’s face went as red as a tomato as he nodded slowly, “yeah, that, or like, anything similar to _that_.”

 

“Sure we did. All night. Like three times,” Sam said.

 

Grizz narrowed his eyes in a playful glare because he saw right through the lie. Sam was terrible at keeping a straight face.

 

“You’re such a shit,” Grizz jeered.

 

“I know,” Sam smiled proudly.

 

“Anyway, serious note. Did I do anything dumb last night?” Grizz asked, and he had the urge to start cringing already, because if he couldn’t remember then he must have been fucked up enough to do some dumb shit.

 

“Well, you made out with Carla for a bit,” Sam said. Grizz’s stomach and heart dropped, plummeting to the core of the Earth.

 

“What? What? No. no, I wouldn’t. I-…no. Are you sure?” Grizz stumbled over his words because that didn’t seem right. He wracked his memories, thinking only of Carla and came up with nothing. Maybe though. Maybe he did kiss someone? He couldn’t fucking remember and it was so frustrating.

 

“You did,” Sam confirmed, and Grizz was the worst person in the world. He fucked around with Sam, being a complete indecisive moron, and then went and kissed a girl right in front of him. And the thing was, it didn’t sound like a thing that Grizz would do, but Grizz knew he wasn’t being himself last night, so that made it _exactly_ a thing that he would do.

 

“Fuck…I’m a piece of shit,” Grizz said.

 

“No you’re not,” Sam shook his head.

 

“I am.”

 

“You were wasted. She was all over you,” Sam said, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

 

Right, Carla was on Grizz, and Sam saw, and Grizz knew if the situation was reversed then he would be devastated to see a girl, boy or anyone in between, kissing Sam. Just the thought of it had Grizz’s insides churning. Actually, the thought that Sam _could_ go off and get himself a boyfriend because Grizz was too much of a coward to date him himself made Grizz want to tear at his own insides.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Grizz said.

 

“I got over it. I mean, clearly. You’re here,” Sam said with a small smile.

 

“How am I here?” Grizz asked.

 

“Uhm, Luke,” Sam said, and there was Grizz’s anxiety making reappearance.

 

“Luke…brought us?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, you were wasted. I was leaving. It just worked out,” Sam shrugged.

 

“Right…” And Grizz knew he was missing something but he couldn’t figure it out. Not being able to recall the night was actually kind of scary to Grizz. “Did I, like…do or, or say anything, uhm…like…about me…”

 

“No, not that I know of,” Sam shook his head, and looked at Grizz with an understanding that Grizz didn’t even give himself. How was it that Sam just noticed his paranoia and was okay with it? Or maybe he wasn’t. After all, he did storm out after the kiss because Grizz didn’t want to be out. Fuck, everything was such a mess and his headache really wasn’t helping with sorting through his feelings.

 

“Do you hate me?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam’s gaze softened as he tilted his head to the side in the way that Grizz always found adorable. “Never.”

 

“Cool…anything else I need to know?” Grizz asked.

 

“Hmm,” Sam thought about it, “you threw up all over yourself.”

 

“Fuck, really?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“In front of you?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Well, that’s embarrassing. You probably think I’m gross, right?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam smiled lightly and shook his head, “No.”

 

Grizz couldn’t help but smile back even though he was mortified. He couldn’t believe he got that drunk, and fucking kissed Carla, and threw up everywhere, and Luke? What did Luke know? What did he see? What else had Grizz done? Because he felt like Sam was giving him half a story. He just wanted to remember. One thing was for certain, Grizz decided to never drink again.

 

“I, uh, need to go to the bathroom,” Grizz said before standing up. The world spun and he had the urge to throw up again, but pushed it down.

 

“Second door on the right,” Sam said, pointing to his door that led to the hallway.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Grizz left the room and followed Sam’s directions to the bathroom. He shut and locked the door behind him. He closed his eyes before taking in a deep, steady breath and letting it out slowly. He told himself to calm down, to not overthink and wonder if he outed himself to Luke or the others. The last thing he needed was one of them mentioning something to his parents, or to their own parents who could then tell Grizz’s parents and then he’d be out on the street and-

 

“Fucking stop it,” Grizz whispered to himself.   

 

Grizz opened his eyes and tried to focus on something else. He stepped forward and honed in on his reflection in the mirror. His hair was a mess, but that was pretty normal for him after waking up. There were dark circles under his eyes making him look like a fucking panda, especially since the rest of him was paler than usual. His eyes were bloodshot, sore and dry, and Grizz wasn’t sure if that meant he had been crying or if it was just because he was tired.

 

Grizz turned on the faucet, waiting for the water to warm up before splashing some on his face. He didn’t smell bad though, so maybe he had a shower? He ran his fingers through his hair in a desperate attempt to not look like such a mess. Hating the taste of, well, probably vomit, in his mouth, Grizz figured Sam’s family wouldn’t miss a little mouthwash, and quickly swished the strong minty liquid around in his mouth before spitting it out.

 

Grizz stared at himself in the mirror. He still looked like a mess, but at least he was a presentable mess. He shrugged and went about doing his business before washing his hands. He opened the door and was about to step out when he stopped in his tracks, because standing there, leant against the hallway wall and looking down at his phone was Campbell.

 

“Fucking finally,” the boy said, and then he looked up, and Grizz desperately wanted to slam the door in his face, climb out the tiny window and scale down the side of Sam’s house. Instead, he just stood there. And fuck, _of course_ Campbell would be here, and there Grizz was trying to find some excuse as to why he was in their bathroom, shirtless.

 

“Huh. Guess I’m not the only one who had a special friend over last night,” Campbell said, and Grizz jumped straight into defensive mode.

 

“I’m not a _special friend_. I needed somewhere to crash,” Grizz said.

 

“Right, and that place was in my little brother’s bed, wearing sweat pants a little too short for you?” Campbell asked, glancing down at Grizz’s bare ankles.

 

“It’s not what you think,” Grizz said, and if only he had a dollar for every time he said that.  

 

“Come on now, Grizz, it’s twenty-nineteen. Gay is _in._ No need to get so defensive. Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about you going after Elle anymore,” Campbell said with his trademark smirk. Grizz didn’t know what to say. First of all, as if him going after Elle was even a concern? Maybe Campbell and Clark could sit down and swap notes about how Grizz was trying to steal their girl.

 

“Anyway, I’ve got things to do. Sorry about the bruise, buddy,” Campbell said as he pushed past Grizz into the bathroom.

 

“Buddy?” Grizz asked, turning to him.

 

“Sure, you’re dating Sam so we’re practically family now,” Campbell said.

 

“I’m not dating Sam, what the fuck?” Grizz asked, and he was beyond annoyed at that point.

 

“Dating, fucking, same difference. See you at thanksgiving dinner, I guess,” Campbell shut the conversation off by swinging the bathroom door closed.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz whispered to himself. He looked down the hallway to the stairs, and he wanted to run. He wanted to leave the house and not come back. He was going to as well, without even a thought of saying goodbye to Sam, but…Sam. He did think of Sam, and he found himself heading back to his room. He went in, shut the door behind him, and leant against it, watching Sam, who had noticed him come in. Sam’s smile quickly faded when he saw Grizz’s expression.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked. He got off the bed and went up to Grizz.

 

“Just…ran into your brother in the hall,” Grizz said.

 

 “Oh,” Sam didn’t say anything other than that, and Grizz knew the other boy was analysing him, searching his face for anything that resembled panic or fear, and Grizz was trying desperately to push it down because he already embarrassed himself in front of Sam enough lately.

 

“I should really head home. My parents will worry,” Grizz said and that was the furthest thing from the truth. His parents never cared if he disappeared for an entire weekend.

 

Grizz walked around Sam and searched the room for his clothes or, well, anything that belonged to him but it looked like he didn’t have anything which only raised more questions about what the hell happened last night. What was he going to do? Just walk out of Sam’s house only in Sam’s pants? Could he ask to borrow a shirt? Or use his phone? He could call Gwen. Yeah, that was a good idea. Grizz turned to Sam, only to find the boy was standing right behind him.

 

“Take a breath,” Sam said before holding Grizz’s hand and leading him to the bed. Grizz didn’t know what else to do, other than let Sam lead him. They sat down together, side by side, with their legs hanging off the edge.

 

“Don’t run from me,” Sam said.

 

Grizz closed his eyes, not even facing Sam because he could feel the panic rising and he couldn’t stop it himself. Grizz didn’t want to be like this, he really didn’t. He felt Sam shift and the warmth of his body next to him left. The next moment, that warmth was on Grizz’s cheek as Sam touched the side of his face. That made Grizz look. His gaze landed on Sam on his knees in front of him with a desperate gleam in his eyes.

 

“Please, don’t run again,” Sam begged. Grizz needed Sam to just understand, so he took Sam’s hand that was on his cheek and moved it down to his chest right over his heart. Grizz held Sam’s hand there and waited a moment.

 

“Do you feel that? How it’s racing?” Grizz asked. Sam nodded, and Grizz went on, “I hate feeling like this. Every time we’re together, someone finds out. Becca, Gwen, Campbell. I’m pretty sure Luke knows. And I just get this sick feeling in my stomach and I hate it. I hate having that feeling when I’m around you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

 

“You have anxiety,” Sam said.

 

“I don’t want to, but it just consumes me, like right now. I just wanna jump out that window,” Grizz said. Sam moved a little closer in between Grizz’s legs and took his hand with his free one.

 

“What else do you feel when you’re around me?” Sam asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Grizz murmured with a shrug.

 

Sam seemed hesitant for just a moment before he moved closer. Grizz knew what was coming before it happened, but he still held his breath and followed Sam’s movements just in case he had it wrong, but he didn’t. The moment Sam’s lips touched his, Grizz found himself exhaling gently, the aching in his chest subsiding, but the flipping in his stomach reached it’s peak. And then it was over way too quickly and Grizz found himself wanting more as Sam settled back on his knees in front of him.

 

“How does that make you feel?” Sam asked.

 

“Uhm, a different kind of sick. A good kind,” Grizz said, and well, it was the truth. He didn’t feel even nearly as much panic as he did twenty seconds ago.

 

“Don’t worry about Campbell. He won’t tell anyone,” Sam assured him.

 

“How can you be sure?” Grizz asked.

 

“Because, he knew about me for years and didn’t tell anyone,” Sam said.

 

“You’re his brother.”

 

“Right, so I know him well. If he tells anyone then he won’t have anything to hold over your head anymore. He gets a kick out of messing with people. His game is over if he tells,” Sam said, and he was sounding really convincing, but there was still that little voice in the back of Grizz’s head telling him Sam was wrong.

 

“It’ll be okay. Please don’t freak out on me,” Sam said, and Grizz could see the concern in Sam’s eyes. He could see just how much the other boy wanted him to stay there with him, mentally and physically, and it was that look in Sam’s eyes that made Grizz nod slowly.

 

“Okay,” was all he could say.

 

“What are you thinking?” Sam asked.

 

“I’m tired and my head hurts,” Grizz said. It was the truth and he didn’t want to talk about his feelings anymore. It just made things worse. Sam accepted it though and smiled.

 

“You wanna take a nap?” Sam asked.

 

“Will you nap with me?” Grizz asked hopefully.

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

“Can we cuddle?”

 

“Only if you promise to talk to me after. I mean really talk to me,” Sam said.

 

Grizz thought about it for a moment, and he knew that he owed Sam an actual conversation. It was inevitable and honestly, he thought that _maybe_ Sam could help him sort through his feelings. After all, he managed to talk him down just now from having a meltdown.

 

‘Promise’, Grizz signed.

 

Sam smiled like the angel Grizz knew he was, before he stood and climbed across Grizz to get to the other side of the bed. Grizz watched him get under the covers, and just like that, he had no intentions of running from Sam. In fact, the only thing he wanted to do was get into bed with him, so that was what he did. He shuffled under the covers and moved as close as he possibly could to Sam.

 

Sam stayed on his back as Grizz cuddled into him, one arm over Sam’s waist, his face nuzzled into Sam’s neck. Grizz had never felt more calm, happy or comfortable in his entire life. Everything felt so right when he was actually _with_ Sam, when it was just the two of them. Sam was perfect in every way to Grizz, and maybe that was a little unhealthy of him to think that, and maybe one day Grizz would start to see flaws, but in that moment, he couldn’t name a single one.

 

With the wave of panic over, Grizz’s head started pounding again from his hangover and sleep tugged at his consciousness, but he didn’t want to fall asleep straight away because he was holding Sam and he just wanted to be there with him, simply existing.

 

Grizz brushed his lips against Sam’s neck before kissing it lightly. He kissed it again and again, lazily, with no intentions other than just wanting to kiss him. Grizz was so done for. He knew it wasn’t fair to fuck around with Sam’s feelings, and he swore to himself that he wouldn’t again. He couldn’t. He was terrified, but he wanted Sam. He really wanted him.

 

Of course, Grizz was still worried about Campbell, but there wasn’t anything Grizz could do about it now. Campbell could tell people Grizz was gay whether he was with Sam or not, and even then, it was Campbell’s word against his. Fuck, Grizz just didn’t want his parents finding out. That was all. If Grizz’s parents were out of the picture then he’d walk into school the next day, holding Sam’s hand and kissing him against his locker. It wasn’t like Grizz could just make his parents disappear though. His summer of learning magic tricks hadn’t paid off _that_ well.

 

Grizz shut off the negative thoughts and kissed Sam’s collarbone. The other boy responded by turning his head towards Grizz and placing a kiss on top of his head. Yeah, Grizz definitely was not going to run this time, because after two weeks of no Sam, he realized just how happy he was being with him, even if they weren’t technically together. Yet.

 

Grizz fell asleep to the feeling of Sam’s fingertips running slowly up and down his arm, and when he woke hours later, those fingers were running through his hair instead. Grizz blinked a few times, trying to clear the grogginess in his head. His cheek was plastered against Sam’s chest, feeling hot and like he had been there for a while. Grizz sat up, looking at Sam who was wide awake and watching him.

 

“What time is it?” Grizz asked.

 

“One. We should get up,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shook his head, “nope.”

 

“Yes,” Sam said and went to make a move but Grizz just wanted a couple more minutes, so he climbed on top of Sam and dropped his weight on him, pinning him there. He buried his face in Sam’s neck again and, yeah, this was good. Grizz didn’t want to move.

 

“You’re heavy,” Sam said.

 

Grizz nodded in response but made no sign of moving. Sam was warm, really warm, for once. It was like being in a hot shower in the middle of winter. The thought of getting out and away from that warmth was just not an option.

 

“Grizz…uhm…you need to get off,” Sam said.

 

Grizz looked up in confusion because, well, if Sam really did want him to get off then he would but wasn’t Sam content with laying there with him? Maybe Grizz was reading everything wrong. Maybe Sam was still mad about last night.

 

“Are you still mad at me?” Grizz asked.

 

“Opposite,” Sam said.

 

“Opposite?”

 

“You’re turning me on,” Sam said bluntly. And, oh. _Oh._

 

“Wait, really?” Grizz asked, trying to hide the smirk on his face.

 

“You’re a jerk,” Sam said, and then with all his strength he pushed Grizz off him, rolling with his body so Grizz was on his back and Sam was on him. Sam gave a triumphant smile that just screamed ‘let’s see how you like it when the tables are turned’. And well, fuck. Grizz could feel Sam against his thigh, and my oh my, how this morning had suddenly changed.

 

“Cool…cool,” Grizz nodded slowly, “I’m hungry.”

 

“You’re hungry?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, and we need to talk,” Grizz said.

 

“We need to talk,” Sam repeated slowly.

 

“Yeah. You wanna go get breakfast?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam watched him warily and Grizz was turned on too, sure. Sam did that to him, and Sam was looking at him with dark eyes and gently biting his bottom lip and fuck, Grizz wanted him, but also there was so much going on in his head that doing anything with Sam that didn’t involve talking would just overwhelm him.

 

“Are you paying?” Sam asked as he got off Grizz and it took everything in Grizz’s power not to look down at Sam’s crotch. Grizz was bright red. He knew he was. He had never been in a situation like this with a guy before and Grizz needed time to think.

 

“Grizz?” Sam asked.

 

“Uh, yeah, yeah. If I find my wallet…and my phone…and is my car here?” Grizz asked.

 

“Luke took it, I think,” Sam said.

 

“Right. Luke,” Grizz said, because that was a whole other deal.

 

“We can walk,” Sam suggested.  

 

Grizz agreed because Luke’s house was only a few streets away. Maybe the fresh air would do him good since he still felt a bit sick. The two of them got dressed together. Sam gave Grizz the biggest tank top he could find since Grizz’s broad shoulders couldn’t fit into the skinnier boy’s shirts. Grizz kept on the sweats because there was nothing else.

 

“Where’d my clothes go anyway?” Grizz asked when Sam was looking at him.

 

“They’re in the wash. I have this though,” Sam said, and Grizz watched as he went to the closet and came back with Grizz’s varsity jacket. Grizz took it from him and slipped it on over the tank.

 

“Smells like you,” Grizz said without a thought.

 

“You’re a creep,” Sam teased.

 

‘Thank you,’ Grizz signed.

 

‘Let’s go,’ Sam signed back.

 

The two of them left the house, thankfully without running into Campbell again. The fresh air outside hit Grizz hard. It was a little dark and gloomy with rain clouds in the sky, but it didn’t look like it was going to rain just yet. Sam and Grizz walked in silence the entire way there, but they didn’t really need to talk, because during that walk, Grizz learnt how to flirt without words.

 

It was the subtle things like _accidentally_ knocking into each other, or _accidentally_ touching hands, or Sam _accidentally_ pushing Grizz into a tree and laughing as he made sure Grizz was okay and signing ‘sorry’. Or how they kept glancing at each other and smiling. To Grizz, it felt like they were dating when they were most definitely not. Grizz had been so preoccupied trying to sort out his own feelings that he didn’t even think about what Sam wanted from him.

 

The two of them were almost in front of Luke’s house when they got to Grizz’s car. They both stopped and Grizz turned to Sam. He was arguing with himself the entire way there and settled on not wanting Sam to come into Luke’s house, because Grizz wasn’t ready for that, because he knew there would still be people hanging around and he didn’t want the questions that would surely fly their way.

 

“I’m sorry, Sam, but can you like…just wait here?” Grizz asked.

 

“It’s fine,” Sam waved his hand dismissively. Grizz breathed a sigh of relief because he was half expecting Sam to be mad at him for hiding him.

 

Grizz smiled in thanks and went to leave before he stopped with an idea in his mind. He stepped back to Sam and took his jacket off before putting it around Sam’s shoulders. It was a sort of insurance policy.

 

“Because that’s not gay,” Sam said sarcastically.

 

“Shut up. I like it better on you,” Grizz said.

 

“Still gay,” Sam shrugged.

 

“You’re the worst,” Grizz said and couldn’t help but give Sam a quick kiss on the cheek.

 

“That was gay too,” Sam said and smiled innocently.

 

“Oh, I’ll show you gay if you don’t stop it,” Grizz threatened.

 

“What does that even mean?” Sam asked.

 

“Don’t know,” Grizz shrugged, and he really wanted to kiss Sam, like properly, but he also didn’t want to cross a boundary because they still hadn’t talked properly.

 

‘Stay’, Grizz signed, and Sam just rolled his eyes.

 

Grizz tore himself away from Sam and headed to Luke’s. He walked up the concrete driveway and to the front door. He knocked loudly and it was only about thirty seconds until Luke opened the door. He had a trash bag in one hand and the door handle in the other.

 

“Grizzy, hey,” Luke greeted him.

 

“Hey.”

 

“How you feeling, buddy?” Luke grinned, knowing full damn well that Grizz felt like a train wreck.

 

“Like shit, thanks for asking. But uh, thanks for last night,” Grizz said.

 

“Last night?”

 

“Taking me to Sam’s.”

 

“He told you that?” Luke frowned.

 

“Why wouldn’t he?” And it was Grizz’s turn to frown, but Luke brushed the question off with a shrug.

 

“How’s your memory?” Luke asked casually.

 

“Shit,” Grizz laughed, “I just remember doing shots with Clark and then fucking nothing.”

 

“Yeah, you were a mess,” Luke laughed with him.

 

“I didn’t do anything too stupid, did I?” Grizz asked, because well, Sam brought up Carla but Grizz was sure he had to have done some else.

 

“No, not that I noticed,” Luke shrugged again, “anyway, you’re here to help us clean up, I assume.”

 

 “Hmm no, actually, I was just getting my car keys, and phone, and wallet,” Grizz said.

 

“Damn, you’re the only person that would help me actually clean. Jason, Clark and Gwen are fucking useless and Helena left early for church so she’s probably at home by now,” Luke said.

 

“Yeah, well, I, uhm, I’m hanging out with a friend today so I can’t,” Grizz was awkward and he knew it. If he didn’t trust Luke then he would’ve made more of an effort to hide what his plans for the day were, but fuck it, Grizz was pretty sure Luke knew what was going on anyway. Still, Grizz had no plans to outright tell his friend the truth.

 

“Does he wanna come in?” Luke asked as he glanced past Grizz to where Sam was visible.

 

“No, I just told him I was getting my things and going so…” Grizz trailed off, hoping Luke would just let him in already.

 

“Oh right, sure, come in,” Luke said and stood to the side, “your shit’s upstairs so I’ll go get it, but the others are in the living room if you wanna say hey.”

 

Grizz didn’t really want to, but he did anyway. He entered the house and as Luke raced up the stairs, Grizz headed to the living room where he could hear the distinct sound of a shooting video game. When he stepped through the walkway, Grizz saw Jason and Clark on the couch playing the game, while Gwen was flat on her back on the floor with an ice-pack on her head.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said and the three glanced up at him but didn’t stop what they were doing.

 

“Hey, Grizz,” Gwen murmured. Hangover? Check.

 

“Yo, where’d you go last night?” Clark asked.

 

“Home to crash. Apparently, I was pretty wasted,” Grizz said, and he really hoped the boys didn’t know he left with Sam, because he really didn’t feel like getting caught in a lie.

 

“Hell yeah you were,” Jason laughed.

 

“You missed some hot shit last night with Gwenny Gwen,” Clark said with a laugh.

 

“Oh, shut up,” Gwen said and threw her bag of ice at him. He dodged it, eyes still locked on the TV screen.

 

“You missed it, man. She slapped Carla. Like full on slapped her,” Jason said.

 

“Oh, really?” Grizz asked, looking down at Gwen.

 

“I was drunk. The fuck. Shut up,” Gwen groaned.

 

“We had to hold them back from each other,” Jason said, “still don’t know what they were fighting about.”

 

“Probably about our big lesbian crush on each other,” Gwen said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.

 

“I knew it,” Clark said excitedly.

 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Gwen said.

 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Clark mimicked in a high-pitched voice.

 

“You’re both fucking idiots,” Luke said as he walked into the room. He handed Grizz his keys, wallet and phone.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz said with a small smile.

 

“You’re not staying?” Gwen asked.

 

“No, I’m heading out actually,” Grizz said. Jason and Clark didn’t seem to notice the comment, and Luke went back to cleaning up around them. Grizz’s eyes landed on Gwen though who mouthed ‘Sam?’ Grizz just nodded and Gwen gave him two thumbs up.

 

“I’ll catch you guys tomorrow,” Grizz said.

 

There was a round of goodbyes before Grizz left the house, going back outside. He looked at his phone that had almost run out of battery. He had a string of text messages.

 

**Did you leave with Sam?? –** Becca.

**OH SHIT. You did. Only sober sex thanks!** – Becca.

**What happened with you two last night?? Sam’s not answering his texts?!??! –** Becca.

 

**THE FUCK?!?! LUKE SAID CARLA PRACTICALLY FORCED HERSELF ON YOU??? –** Gwen.

**I’M GONNA SLAP THE SHIT OUTTA HER!!** – Gwen.

**I DID IT!!!!!!!!!** – Gwen

**Aww u went home with Sam? Nice nice nice.** – Gwen.

**WAIT UR WALLETS HERE! CONDOMS!!!** \- Gwen.

**Did you get laid?** – Gwen.

 

**YOU MISSED IT. GWEN N CARLA HAD THE HOTTEST CAT FIGHT I GOT A BONER!!! –** Clark.

 

**Your car’s at mine. Come get it when you want.** – Luke.

**Oh wait your phone’s in my room. –** Luke.

**Why am I still texting you?** – Luke.

 

Grizz shook his head at all of his friends because they were collectively absolute morons, but Grizz still had a soft spot hidden away for each of them, and they were growing on him too. He kind of always thought of his friends as just “high school friends”, but he might just have to consider that they might be more than that.

 

“What are you smiling at?” Sam asked.

 

“My friends are dumb,” Grizz said when he got close enough for Sam to read his lips.

 

“I could’ve told you that,” Sam said.

 

“So clever,” Grizz said and unlocked his car, “now get in. I’m starving.”

 

\---

 

Grizz sat across from Sam in a booth at the diner. It wasn’t too busy in there and Grizz didn’t recognize anyone. They ate their breakfast silently even though it was almost two in the afternoon. The waitress only gave them a funny look when they made their order, but was probably used to teenagers strolling in that late for breakfast.

 

Grizz picked at the last little bit of bacon on his plate, delaying eating it because he knew he had to talk to Sam about why he always got so panicked at the thought of someone finding out about him, and Grizz just mostly felt stupid, because what was he supposed to say to Sam? His parents are homophobic. That was the simple explanation. All this build up for _that?_ Grizz already felt like an idiot for letting it get to him so much.

 

Sam ran the side of his shoe slowly up and down Grizz’s leg. It was supposed to be comforting, but it only helped a little, because mostly Grizz just want to go sit on the other side of the booth with Sam and kiss and cuddle with him so he could feel the euphoria he felt when they were in bed together just an hour ago.

 

Grizz looked up at Sam to see him looking back. He had long ago finished his breakfast and was waiting for Grizz.

 

“Does this count as a first date?” Grizz asked, trying to be funny but probably failing miserably. He was trying to sign too, hoping his inability would be endearing to Sam and that he’d go easy on him. Apparently not though.

 

“Depends if you’re planning on dating me,” Sam said, and Grizz didn’t have an answer for that, because yes, he did, but at the same time, he didn’t, and he hated how indecisive he was.

 

“So…” Grizz thought about how to begin, but he was lost.

 

“What makes you so scared?” Sam helped him, and wow, Grizz wasn’t expecting such a hard-hitting question so soon. But it did help, because Grizz had one answer.

 

“My parents,” Grizz said.

 

“Do you think they’ll hurt you if they know?” Sam asked.

 

“No. Maybe. I don’t know,” Grizz said quietly. There weren’t any people in earshot but he still didn’t want to scream out the conversation.

 

“Tell me about them,” Sam said.

 

Grizz took a deep breath and nodded, “okay, well…a few weeks ago my dad literally said he would kick me out if I ever brought a boy home.”

 

“Seriously? He said that?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, and uhm, my mom, she, like, she’s always pulled me out of clubs and stuff because she thinks they make me gay, and she’s always saying how my dad won’t like it, and if I’m living under dad’s roof then I live by his rules or I can leave,” Grizz told him. And fuck, his hands were shaking. He didn’t know why he was so nervous talking to Sam about this stuff.

 

“So, your mom knows about you?” Sam asked.

 

“I think deep down she does. She just doesn’t want to admit it,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, his eyes filled with an apology that he didn’t owe Grizz.

 

“Yeah, so, that’s why I don’t want people knowing. News travels fast in this town. It’s only a matter of time before they find out and they kick me out and I’m living on the streets,” Grizz said.

 

“So let them. I’ll be homeless with you. We’ll rent a nice cardboard box on the side of the road. I’ll find a shopping cart for all our things,” Sam said, and that was just Sam, Grizz was figuring out. He asked for this serious conversation but did he really want it?

 

“It’s not a joke,” Grizz said.

 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sam quickly backtracked, going serious once more. He hooked his ankle under Grizz’s and Grizz really wished they were in his car in the parking lot of Izzy’s. Why the fuck were they doing this in public anyway?

 

“I just want to not feel like this. This was why I wanted to wait until college, so I didn’t have to worry about them. This wasn’t how I planned things,” Grizz said.

 

“Life shouldn’t be planned, Grizz,” Sam said.

 

“I know, I know,” Grizz nodded.

 

“So…where does this leave us?” Sam asked.

 

“I like you, Sam. A lot,” Grizz said, and Christ, if only Sam knew just how much.

 

“I like you too,” Sam said.

 

“I’m so fucking scared,” Grizz admitted, and for a split second it felt like he had said those words to Sam before. Had he?

 

“I know you’re scared, but how do you want to live your life?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz knew the answer. He wanted to live without fear. He wanted to be happy. Sam made him happy. The answer should’ve been clear in his mind, but his mind was still groggy from all the alcohol last night and how tired he was.

 

“I need to think and my brain isn’t really working and it’s been a weird twenty-four hours,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay, just don’t go two weeks again without talking to me,” Sam said.

 

“I promise, I wont. I promise. I’m gonna sort my shit out, okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“Okay, but if you decide you just want to be friends, I promise I’ll be good,” Sam said.

 

“I don’t want to be friends,” Grizz said honestly.

 

Sam shook his head and smiled, “me either.”

 

And there was only one choice to Grizz. One choice that he’d think about more that night or the following morning after a good night’s sleep. But Grizz was pretty sure he knew what he was going to do. He just had to figure out how to ask Sam to be his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, friends.


	16. Boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15 recap: Grizz had a hangover from hell and woke up in Sam's bed. Campbell saw him in the house, so, yikes. Sam talked Grizz down from a major freak out. Grizz can't remember the party- mostly not remembering accidentally coming out to Luke or kissing Carla. Double yikes. Sam and Grizz were cute and cuddly even though they aren't a couple YET. They actually talked and Grizz opened up about his homophobic parents and being scared of getting kicked out of home. Grizz and Sam decided they can't be friends and the ball is in Grizz's court for if he'll take the step and be more than friends.

On Monday at lunch time Grizz paced around the empty classroom on the fourth floor of the high school. He texted Sam last period to meet him there and Sam had simply replied with a ‘k’ that drove Grizz absolutely insane. The two boys hadn’t spoken since their breakfast date, and they left on good terms with each other, but at the same time everything was so up in the air.

 

Grizz made a definitive decision about himself and Sam early that morning as he was getting ready for school. He wanted to be with Sam, if Sam would have him. That meant pushing his anxieties down and trying to live in the moment. He was trying so hard not to be paranoid about his parents finding out, and trying even harder not to let Campbell knowing bother him. The way Grizz saw it, Campbell could out him whether he was dating Sam or not, and sure the thought scared Grizz, but if it happened, it happened. He couldn’t change anything, so he might as well try and make things work. Plus, Grizz could always deny it to his parents. His mother especially was deluded enough to believe he was straight just because she wanted it so bad. His dad? That was a whole other story that Grizz would rather not think about.

 

Grizz was just so tired of being depressed and repressed. Sam made him feel happier than he had in a really long time and Grizz wanted to hold onto that. That was why he was planning on asking Sam to be his boyfriend. Grizz just hoped that Sam still liked him back, which he knew Sam did like him, but Grizz had been the source of so much drama lately that he wondered if Sam was willing to be with him or if he was just sick of it by now.

 

Grizz sat on a desk in the middle of the room and looked down at his phone. He had two texts.

 

 **Sorry, just saw this now. I’m on my way.** – Sam.

 

The other was from Gwen.

 

 **Yo bitch where u at?** – Gwen.

 

 **I’ll tell you later.** – Grizz.

 

 **Getting ur dick sucked?** – Gwen.

 

 **FUCK OFF!!** – Grizz.

 

 **Ha! Sam aint in the cafeteria either so…** \- Gwen.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and didn’t bother replying to her. If this all went well, then she would be the first person he’d tell about it, but if not, well, he’d probably just go mope and hate life. Grizz couldn’t really believe just how dramatic he could be at times. He also couldn’t believe just how much he liked Sam.

 

Grizz’s heart leapt into his throat when the classroom door opened and in walked Sam. He had a smile on his face which warmed Grizz’s insides and made him want to smile back, but he was just so nervous. Sam closed the door behind him and took a step towards Grizz, but Grizz held his hand up, stopping him.

 

‘Look at the board,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam did as he was told and turned his attention to the whiteboard where Grizz had written in giant capital letters: **WILL YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND?** Followed by two boxes underneath, one that had **YES** next to it and one that had **NO**. And sure, it was a little childish, but Grizz was hoping Sam would think it was cute.

 

Sam glanced back over to Grizz with a smile that lit up his eyes, before chewing on his bottom lip. Grizz saw the apprehension on Sam’s face, and as Sam went over to the whiteboard, Grizz had a bad feeling. The red head picked up the marker and started writing. It was only when Sam stepped away that Grizz saw he had added a third option and a box, and had ticked it.

 

 **MAYBE.** _Maybe?_ Well, what the hell did that mean? Grizz’s entire body deflated as Sam headed back to him. Grizz didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t Sam just say no and get it over with if he didn’t really like him that much? Sam stood between Grizz’s legs at the desk, placing his hands on Grizz’s thighs, giving them a comforting squeeze.

 

“I’m not saying no. I just need to ask a couple things,” Sam said.

 

‘Like what?’ Grizz signed.  

 

“Like, do you really want it?” Sam asked.

 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t,” Grizz said.

 

“But, do you really, really want it? Because I can’t do this if you’re just going to get scared and run away,” Sam said, and Grizz could see the concern in his eyes. Grizz wasn’t surprised though because if he was Sam then he’d be worried about the same thing.

 

“I’ll get scared. I know I will, but I won’t run away. I promise,” Grizz said, and he really meant it.

 

“What about your parents?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz’s eyes dropped from Sam’s at the mere mention of his parents, and he wished he didn’t have that reaction, but he did. Sam dipped his head down and caught Grizz’s gaze. The moment their eyes locked, Grizz couldn’t help but keep them locked as Sam made him look back up at him.

 

“I’m just hoping they won’t find out. But the worst person already knows, so, if they find out then they find out. I can’t do anything about it now. I just want to be happy with you,” Grizz said.

 

“Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. I promise,” Sam said before tucking Grizz’s hair behind his ear. Grizz melted against Sam’s hand, turning into it, losing himself for just a moment.

 

“I’m not ready to come out,” Grizz stated.

 

“I know.”

 

“You’re okay with keeping things just between us?” Grizz asked.

 

“I am.”

 

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you back in the closet,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s a pretty gay closet if you’re in there with me,” Sam joked.

 

“I’m serious. I don’t want you to hate me,” Grizz pleaded.

 

Sam’s face softened as he shook his head, “I could never.”

 

“It won’t be forever. I promise. Just until I’m off to college,” Grizz said, and the soft look on Sam’s face disappeared, instead replaced by one of sorrow.

 

“I knew it,” Grizz sighed, “it bothers you, doesn’t it?”

 

Sam shook his head, “no, just thinking about you going to college and I’m still here for another year.”

 

“One year isn’t really that long when you think about it,” Grizz said.

 

“There’s probably a lot of hot guys in college,” Sam said.

 

“None as hot as you,” Grizz said, because honestly there was no one in this world that Grizz was more attracted to than Sam. It was Sam’s turn to look away this time, and it was Grizz’s turn to reassure him. He touched the side of Sam’s face and gently forced him to look back Grizz’s way.

 

‘Will you be my boyfriend? Please?’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam stepped away with a look of contemplation on his face. Once again, he bit his bottom lip before turning and going back over to the whiteboard. Grizz watched Sam carefully as he picked up the marker again and ticked the ‘yes’ option. All the blood seemed to rush to Grizz’s head and the room spun for a moment, but it was the best thing Grizz had ever felt because Sam actually said _yes._ Sam wanted to be his boyfriend.

 

 _Holy Shit._ Grizz had a _boyfriend._ And that boyfriend was walking back over to him and moving his hands. It took Grizz a moment to snap out of his stupor, and when he did, Sam signed to him again.

 

‘Can I kiss you?’ Sam asked.

 

All Grizz could do was nod, and then Sam closed the gap with one last step, took Grizz’s face in his hands and kissed him. All the air disappeared from Grizz’s lungs as he melted against Sam. Every time he and Sam kissed felt like it was their first time doing it, and each time Grizz’s longing for Sam grew stronger and he wondered if he would ever feel satiated. Maybe he’d have to kiss Sam for hours on end to get over the feeling. Although, he didn’t actually want to get over it.

 

Sam’s lips parted from Grizz’s, barely an inch between them, and Grizz wanted more. God, he really wanted more, but they were in school, in an empty classroom, and lunch would be over at any moment. Grizz brushed his lips against his _boyfriend’s_ , their noses touching for the briefest moment, before Grizz leant forward, resting his head on his _boyfriend’s_ chest. His _boyfriend_ followed the movement and slid his arms around Grizz’s neck in a comfortable hug. Grizz had a lot of things he wanted to say to _his fucking_ **_boyfriend_** , but he didn’t want to move from his hold.

 

A sense of calm washed over Grizz that he hadn’t really felt in a little while. He was content and surprisingly not scared. He was excited and happy, just purely happy with no thought of any of the consequences that could come from this, and whatever doubts he had simply didn’t matter because Sam was his boyfriend now and fuck, Grizz just wanted to kiss him.

 

Grizz turned his head, his lips brushing against Sam’s shirt before he placed them on his collar bone right where the neckline of the shirt was. Sam sucked in a quick breath, but Grizz was too preoccupied to really notice at the time. He littered the smallest of kisses up the length of Sam’s neck, nuzzling his nose behind his ear for a moment before going to Sam’s jaw.

 

Sam had his fingers tangled in Grizz’s hair and gave a gentle tug, making Grizz stop. The two boys looked at each other for a moment, Grizz’s eyes filled with confusion because he didn’t even get to Sam’s lips yet which was what he really craved.

 

“You need to stop that,” Sam said.

 

“Why?” Grizz asked with a pout. The color of Sam’s eyes seemed to change right in front of Grizz. For a moment there they were so dark, and then they were quick to go back to their normal baby blue the moment he noticed Grizz legitimately did not know why Sam needed him to stop.

 

“You know, you’re so dumb for someone so smart,” Sam said.

 

“I-“

 

Grizz didn’t get out another syllable because Sam shut him up quick-smart with a kiss. Grizz hummed, chasing Sam’s lips for more, but he froze when the shrill sound of the bell echoed around the room.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz murmured against Sam’s lips. He pulled back and looked at Sam apologetically, as if it were his own fault that the bell had run.

 

“The bell,” Grizz explained, “we gotta go to class.”

 

“Or we could stay here,” Sam suggested.

 

“But I have biology. I like biology,” Grizz said.

 

Sam laughed and shook his head at Grizz before stepping away and turning towards the door. Grizz followed suit, swooping his bag up from the floor and swinging it over his shoulder. Just as Sam got to the door, Grizz took hold of his upper arm, stopping him. Sam turned back with a questioning look that quickly disappeared when Grizz gently pressed him against the door.

 

“Can we hang out tonight?” Grizz asked.

 

“ASL lessons?” Sam asked with a cheeky smile playing at his lips.

 

“Something like that,” Grizz said before kissing Sam just one last time before class. Yeah, still felt like a first kiss. Grizz pulled back because as much as he wanted to keep kissing Sam, it wouldn’t be long until the hall outside was flooded with students.

 

“I’ll see you later, boyfriend,” Sam said, and Grizz’s heart soared far beyond Earth, catapulting itself into the sun.

 

“Okay, boyfriend,” Grizz breathed.

 

Sam gave Grizz a quick peck on the cheek before turning and leaving the classroom. Grizz listened and after not hearing anyone outside, left too. Just as he thought, the hallway was still empty, but he could hear students clambering up the staircase.

 

Ecstatic was an understatement for how Grizz felt in that moment. He wanted to explode with the sunshine and warmth that was manifesting in his chest. He wanted to bounce off the walls. He wanted to squeal like a twelve year old girl who just found out her crush liked her back. But he couldn’t squeal like that. No. But Gwen could.

 

Grizz tried to contain the pep in his step as he skipped down three flights of stairs, scanning each hall for the girl in question. When he spotted her walking with the rest of his friends, he walked at a brisk pace to catch up. He came up behind her and grabbed her arm, yanking her away from their friends, maybe a little roughly but he didn’t really care.

 

“Oww, Grizz, what the?” Gwen grumbled and tore her arm from Grizz’s grip.

 

“Guess what?” Grizz asked.

 

“What?”

 

Grizz glanced around a moment before leaning in to her ear and whispering, “I have a boyfriend.”

 

“What!?” Gwen shouted, and Grizz had to put his hand over her mouth to shut her up, because well, they were in a crowded hallway. Perhaps that was Grizz’s fault for not waiting until they were alone but he was just too damn excited and had to tell her. Gwen knocked his hand away and smiled the biggest smile Grizz had ever seen.

 

“Details. I need details,” she practically begged.

 

“Quiet. I’ll text you in class,” Grizz said.

 

“You fucking better,” she said.

 

“I promise,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh my God, this is so exciting,” Gwen jumped up, wrapping her arms around Grizz in a tight hug, and in that moment he was glad that Gwen had walked in on himself and Sam that day in the library, and he was glad Gwen bugged him almost every day through texts for him to tell her more about Sam. He was glad that she seemed just as excited as he was because if he didn’t have anyone to talk to about this then he probably would have burst.

 

“I’ll text you. I gotta go to class,” Grizz said as he detached Gwen’s arms from around him.

 

“Okay, okay,” she said and went to turn, but then she stopped, facing Grizz again, “hey Grizz?”

 

“Mmm?”

 

“It’s good to see you happy,” she said.

 

Grizz had nothing to say to that. In fact, he felt a blush come onto his cheek as he looked away from her, nervously running his hand through his hair. He brushed off her comment with a wave and left the conversation at that. He turned and took only two steps in the opposite direction when he faltered, stopping in his place, because Clark was standing there at his locker, his eyes glued to Grizz with an expression that tore at Grizz’s stomach.

 

For a moment of self-absorption, Grizz thought that maybe Clark heard the conversation he and Gwen had, that Clark knew Grizz had a boyfriend, but no. Grizz had whispered that part and Clark was too far away. The boy looked hurt, betrayed even. And it didn’t take too much longer for Grizz to realize that Clark, as always, was paranoid about Gwen and Grizz liking each other.

 

Grizz didn’t want to deal with that at the moment. He was in a really good mood and felt like a fucking parrot continuously telling Clark that there was nothing going on between himself and Gwen. He knew he’d probably have to tell him again at some point soon, but for now, Grizz acted like there was nothing wrong and gave him a smile and a nod before heading off to class, feeling Clark’s gaze burn into his back.

 

\---

 

Grizz and Sam walked side by side, shoulders bumping, eager to hold each others hands, but not game enough to, as they left the school building after environmental committee. A few other students walked by them, none taking any notice because they were all from environmental committee and all knew Grizz and Sam were friends, and apparently they were so convincing of their ‘just friend’ status in front of them that no one batted an eye as the two boys got into Grizz’s car.

 

Grizz sighed as he looked at Sam in the passenger seat. He wondered if Sam was also exhausted from spending an entire hour with him and not being allowed to hug or kiss him, or even just hold his hand. Sam looked back at Grizz with his trademark tilt of the head and curious expression on his face, like a damn puppy.

 

‘I really want to kiss you,’ Grizz signed the best he could. He hadn’t spoken to Sam enough with sign language lately to be even a little bit confident. Maybe he would take Sam up on his ASL lesson suggestion from that morning.

 

“Here?” Sam asked.

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head, “people around.”

 

Sam nodded, and Grizz felt bad, because Sam was out and even though Sam said it was okay, Grizz still felt a twinge of guilt for wanting to keep their relationship hidden.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam just smiled softly, shook his head and placed his and on Grizz’s thigh, tenderly rubbing it up and down. And it was nice because it was a kind of affection that Grizz wasn’t used to. It didn’t mean anything sexual. It was just a type of affection that couples showed each other. Grizz was amazed at how well Sam instantly fell into the part, because they had only become official a few hours ago and Grizz was still trying to register that.

 

“A-are you hungry?” Grizz stuttered because he was honestly a little overwhelmed.

 

“No.”

 

“Okay, well, where do you wanna go?” Grizz asked.

 

“Somewhere I can kiss you without anyone seeing,” Sam said. Grizz’s stomach was tied in knots, his heart rate picking up a little, and he had the urge to pump the breaks for a moment because Sam had this cheeky, maybe even seductive, look in his eyes and Grizz couldn’t handle it.

 

“Uh, okay,” Grizz nodded, “okay. We can go somewhere to, like, talk.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Fuck. There was that look again. Grizz faced forward away from Sam and turned on his car. Not another word was said between the two as Grizz focused on driving. Grizz thought about where to go. His parents would be home and Campbell would be at Sam’s, so they couldn’t go to each other’s houses. Izzy’s could get a little populated in the afternoons, even if they parked in their usual spot in the back corner.

 

Grizz knew of one place a little out of town but not too far away. There was a small area near a riverbank where his granddad used to take him fishing. People only ever went on the weekend, so if Grizz was lucky, there would be no one there.

 

Sam kept his hand on Grizz’s thigh the entire time they drove and when Grizz wasn’t changing gears he risked their road safety by placing his hand over Sam’s and lacing their fingers together. Grizz could really get used to the whole holding hands things. He could really get used to the whole having a boyfriend thing, actually.

 

Grizz made a turn onto a dirt road that he wasn’t even really sure was a legitimate road. He glanced at Sam who was just looking out the window at all the trees they were passing. Grizz wondered if Sam had ever come out this way before. Just as Grizz was glancing at Sam again, Sam looked back.

 

“Are you gonna murder me?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz snorted in laughter and shook his head, “you’re insane.”

 

“Am I though? You ask me to be your boyfriend then lure me into the wilderness. It screams murder,” Sam said.

 

“Fine, yes. I’m going to murder you,” Grizz said, stealing glances at Sam while still trying to watch the bumpy road.

 

“Cool. Can we at least make out a little first?” Sam joked.

 

Grizz laughed, shaking his head. Sam was unbelievable. Grizz always knew he was a funny guy. He got that much from watching Becca constantly burst into laughter for years as Grizz stared at them from across the cafeteria.

 

Grizz pulled up to a small clearing of grass in the woods. He could see the river in front of them, and thankfully there was not another car or person in sight. Grizz killed the engine, took off his seatbelt and turned to Sam who was looking out at the river in wonder.

 

“There’s a river here?” Sam asked, “since when?”

 

“Since always,” Grizz said when Sam was looking at him.

 

“Do you come here a lot?” Sam asked.

 

“Sometimes.”

 

“It’s nice,” Sam said with a smile.

 

“It is.”

 

“Cool.”

 

Grizz watched Sam, wondering what to do next, because were they just going to talk, or should Grizz lean over and kiss him? Damn it, he really wanted to kiss him, but what did Sam want? The other boy was just looking back at Grizz, waiting.

 

“What are you thinking?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m thinking…we should get more comfortable,” Sam said.

 

“Oh, should we?” Grizz asked, holding back his grin.

 

Sam didn’t say anything, just bit his bottom lip and nodded. He had that same cheeky look in his eyes as when they first got in the car, and then he opened the door. Grizz watched in curiosity as Sam left the car before getting in the backseat. Sam patted the spot next to him, and well, Grizz didn’t need to be told twice. He was quick to get out of the car and slide into the back seat, next to Sam.

 

“Hi,” Grizz said to the other boy, a small smile on his lips.

 

“Hi,” Sam moved closer, the two of them half facing each other, limbs touching, but still somehow not close enough.

 

“I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend,” Grizz said.

 

“You think I expected to date some football jock?” Sam asked.

 

“Hey, don’t be mean,” Grizz nudged Sam’s side with his elbow.

 

“I’m not mean,” Sam defended, “I just speak the truth.”

 

“It’s not the truth. I’m not like other football jocks,” Grizz said.

 

“Ooh, you’re not like other boys,” Sam teased with a roll of his eyes. Grizz narrowed his eyes at the other boy in mock anger.

 

“Mean. Again, mean,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, but Grizz kept up his act, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest. He turned from Sam, pretending to ignore him.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Sam said, but Grizz could hear the laughter.

 

‘Mean’, Grizz finger spelled.

 

“You just said ‘ _nean_ ’,” Sam laughed.

 

Grizz, still refusing to look at Sam, just gave him the finger.

 

“Grizz,” Sam whined and moved closer. He slid one arm onto the backseat behind Grizz’s neck. The other he had on Grizz’s thigh, but it was no longer with the intent of pure affection. Grizz knew with the way Sam slowly inched his hand higher that Sam had something else in mind. Grizz was finding it harder to keep up his little charade of being mad.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam repeated, and then Grizz felt Sam’s soft, pillowy lips right below his ear. That had Grizz completely forgetting that he was supposed to be mad, because _Jesus fucking Christ_ , Sam was leaving a trail of kisses firmly planted down his neck.

 

“’s okay,” Grizz sighed even though he knew Sam couldn’t hear it. He was a little dazed, completely taken in by the feel of Sam’s lips and the serenity that washed over him.

 

Grizz closed his eyes as Sam gently nipped on his collarbone, his teeth grazing against it. Grizz tilted his head away from Sam, giving him more to work with because it felt so fucking good and Grizz didn’t want it to end. Sam kissed back up his neck, sucking gently on the soft, delicate skin, not hard enough to bruise Grizz, but hard enough to send bolts of hot electricity right through him.

 

Sam’s hand on Grizz’s thigh went wandering higher and Grizz wasn’t sure he could handle it, so he took Sam’s hand in his, stopping him. Well, almost stopping him. Instead, Sam swung one leg over to the other side Grizz, straddling his hips. Fucking _fuck._ Sam was on top of him and Grizz _really_ couldn’t handle it.

 

Sam stopped kissing Grizz and all Grizz could do was look down at their bodies pressed together. And shit, Grizz didn’t know what to do with his hands. He felt like a virgin again, completely frozen, and it was so dumb because he knew exactly what he wanted to do with Sam. He thought about it a lot late at night or in the shower, but now? Now his mind was short-circuiting.

 

Sam apparently did not have this problem. He took Grizz’s hands and placed them on his hips. And yeah, Grizz could do that. He liked holding Sam like that. Sam then brought his fingertips to Grizz’s chin and made the boy look up at him. Grizz could only see Sam’s dark, dilated pupils for a flash before they were kissing again.

 

Grizz sighed into the kiss, melting against the seat behind him. For someone who had never had a boyfriend before, Sam was a really good kisser. He started off slow, letting their lips get to know each other, and letting Grizz take in everything he was feeling, letting him process, and that was good because Grizz was an overthinker. He needed to go slow.

 

That didn’t last too long though. Lips smacking together in a closed mouth kiss was apparently not enough for Sam. Grizz felt the other boy’s teeth gently tug at his lips, and Grizz fought the urge to groan because, well, that would have been fucking pathetic. Before Grizz had a chance to really process that thought, Sam’s tongue was tentatively sliding along his.

 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._ It was getting hot in the car, way too hot, and Grizz felt like he couldn’t breathe. But the dizziness he felt was worth it. The possibility of passing out was well worth it if he got to taste Sam like this.

 

Sam tangled his fingers in Grizz’s hair as the kiss got messier, more heated. Grizz could barely keep up and he wanted Sam so bad, and it showed because his jeans were getting really fucking tight and there was no way that Sam couldn’t feel it, because Grizz could feel Sam too. They were both hard and Grizz was beginning to feel a little more than overwhelmed.

 

He didn’t want to stop even if his stomach was fluttering with a sense of unease that was telling him to. Sam was so fucking attractive to Grizz and he _wanted_ him, like a lot. He really, really did. And Sam was doing all the right things. He was kissing Grizz with a balance between playfulness and intensity that was driving Grizz wild and making Sam so damn addicting.

 

Sam rocked his hips against Grizz, and Grizz almost lost his mind. And then he did it again, and again, his body moving against Grizz’s at an agonizingly slow pace. Grizz moaned against Sam’s lips and there was no way the other boy couldn’t feel the vibrations, and Grizz knew he had because Sam tried to take things further.

 

Sam’s busy fingers went to Grizz’s belt and started undoing it, and that was when Grizz _really_ couldn’t handle it anymore. The feeling of unease kept building up and Sam was almost unbuttoning Grizz’s jeans when Grizz took hold of his hands, stopping him. Sam didn’t seem to mind that because he just kept kissing him.

 

Yes, they had only been dating half a day, barely that, but it felt like longer because they had kissed before and knew of each other’s feelings for weeks. Maybe that was why Sam wanted more or was comfortable with _more_ so quickly, but Grizz, well Grizz had flashes of all the girls he’d slept with in the past and the feelings of pure _nothingness_ that came with it and he didn’t want that with Sam. He didn’t know how to feel.

 

Grizz had to stop kissing Sam for just a moment and think. The moment their lips detached from one another’s, Grizz looked up at Sam apologetically, because yeah, Grizz was once again probably going to be over-dramatic and fuck things up. Sam looked at him in concern and Grizz sighed, letting his head fall back onto the headrest.

 

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just…you mean a lot to me,” Grizz said, not really knowing how to explain what he was feeling.

 

“You mean a lot to me too,” Sam said.

 

“Good. Good,” Grizz nodded before going on, “uhm…I just don’t want you to think this is all I want.”

 

“I don’t think that. Do you think it’s all I want?” Sam asked, and Grizz paused for a moment because, well, sure, they were into each other but how serious did Sam want to get?

 

 “No, I don’t think so. I don’t know. I’m sorry. I haven’t done this whole boyfriend thing before,” Grizz said.

 

“Neither have I. I’m going to fast?” Sam asked.

 

“No… yes, maybe. I don’t know,” Grizz shrugged, and he hated how he was always so wishy-washy when it came to explaining his emotions to Sam.

 

Sam frowned and went to get off Grizz’s lap, but Grizz didn’t want that at all. He wanted Sam close, so he tightened his grip on the boy’s hips, making him stay. Sam settled again and smiled softly. He ran his hands through Grizz’s hair and kissed him gently on the forehead.

 

“What are you thinking?” Sam asked, sitting back a little to look at Grizz’s lips again.

 

“I’m thinking…about how I’ve slept with a few girls before and it always means nothing, and I don’t want this to mean nothing,” Grizz tried to explain the best he could. At least Sam didn’t look confused anymore.

 

“I’m not planning on having sex with you right here, right now,” Sam said, and Grizz couldn’t help but laugh a little.

 

“I know, I know,” Grizz nodded.

 

“I mean, just a handjob,” Sam said bluntly.

 

“You are going to do be the death of me,” Grizz sighed.

 

Sam let out the cutest giggle before going serious one more. Grizz didn’t know how Sam did that all the time; how he could turn a serious argument into a joke and then back to serious again. Sometimes Grizz wished he could lighten up a bit himself. Maybe Sam could teach him.

 

“This doesn’t mean nothing,” Sam said before placing a chaste kiss on Grizz’s lips and pulling away again.

 

“I really like you,” Grizz told him.

 

“I really like you too,” Sam smiled.

 

“No, I don’t think you understand. I mean I really, _really_ like you,” Grizz said.

 

“What, you’re in love with me?” Sam asked with a laugh and Grizz froze. He fucking _froze_ when he should have laughed it off. He froze because, well fuck, it was probably true, and then Sam noticed Grizz’s tense body and lack of articulating something, anything, and then he wasn’t laughing anymore.

 

Grizz snapped out of it, shaking his head, “what? No, no. That would be ridiculous, because we’ve been together for like five minutes.”

 

“Grizz…” Sam started, giving Grizz a look of uncertainty, “how long have you liked me?”

 

“Uhm, a while…” Grizz said after a moment’s hesitation.  

 

“How long is a while?” Sam asked. Grizz swallowed hard because of fucking _shit_ , that was the million dollar question and couldn’t lie, right?

 

“Like…two years, or more…” Grizz admitted.

 

Sam was just staring at him and Grizz couldn’t read his expression. All he knew was that he felt like he couldn’t breathe, because fuck, he was coming on too strong and Sam was probably freaked out, because they had only become boyfriends today and Grizz had let it slip that he had been pining for two god damn years.

 

Grizz needed some air, so he gently pushed Sam off and got out of the car. He breathed in through his nose deeply, taking in the cool afternoon air and scent of, well, nature. It calmed him down. Being there, at the river, always calmed him down. Before he had a car, he used to ride his bike there whenever his parents were fighting or making him feel like shit. Now though, he was a little bit scared being there because Sam was probably going to run for the hills.

 

Sam got out of the car too and Grizz wanted to bury himself or fling himself into the river to drown because Sam just had this amused glint in his eyes. Was he enjoying this? Did Sam like seeing Grizz squirm and panic? Honestly, Grizz had never felt more like a mess, yet so put together at the same time whenever he was around Sam. It was confusing and probably why he needed a lot of fresh air breaks, just like he was doing in that moment.

 

“You think I’m a creep, right?” Grizz asked, not meeting Sam’s eyes.

 

“For liking me? No,” Sam said, and he stood in front of Grizz, gently pushing him back against the front door of the car. Sam slid his hands around Grizz’s back and it was the gesture that Grizz really needed to put him back at ease.

 

“Then what are you thinking?” Grizz asked as he placed his arms around Sam’s neck, locking his hands behind it.

 

“I’m thinking…why didn’t you start talking to me sooner?” Sam asked.

 

“Too busy pretending to be straight, and I was really awkward at sixteen so you probably wouldn’t have liked me,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“You’re really awkward now,” Sam pointed out.

 

“Shut up,” Grizz snapped but he could help but smile through his pout.

 

“You’re cute,” Sam teased.

 

“Stop it. Let’s just change the topic,” Grizz pleaded.

 

“Nope. What made you like me? We never talked,” Sam said.

 

“I dunno. Always thought you were cute. And like, you were out, like everyone knew you’re gay so I think I just kind of got a crush from that at first and then we started talking and yeah,” Grizz said, and he couldn’t really explain exactly why he started liking Sam. He just knew that he did.

 

Sam stood on his tip-toes to kiss Grizz softly, and Grizz didn’t know what he did to get so lucky. How did Sam just always come back for more when Grizz could never find his damn chill about anything? Grizz decided to ask when they parted once more.

 

“Why do you like me? I’m a mess,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re hot,” Sam shrugged.

 

“That’s it?”

 

“Yep. You’ll make a great trophy husband one day,” Sam said, and there he was again, making his jokes, but Grizz was glad for them because it balanced out his own awkwardness.

 

“You suck,” Grizz commented.

 

“I will if you want me to.”

 

“Oh my god,” Grizz laughed. Sam was unbelievable.

 

“I’m sorry, I always make jokes,” Sam apologized.

 

“It’s okay. I like it, really. And thank you for putting up with my craziness, and sorry I’m always so dramatic,” Grizz said, feeling a little sheepish.

 

“You’re emotional, and that’s okay. You’re not like other jocks, remember? And besides, I know of a lot of ways I could calm you down that we can test out,” Sam winked.

 

“Jesus. You’re the worst,” Grizz shook his head. It was a lie. Sam was the best and nothing could change Grizz’s mind on that.

 

“You want a serious answer now?” Sam asked.

 

“Please.”

 

“I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t notice you before you started talking to me, but then you did, and I don’t know. You’re really nice, and smart, but also kind of dumb which I love. I think you’re sweet, and I think it was giving me your jacket that really did it. You’re a bit of a romantic and I think that’s really cute,” Sam finished and Grizz hung off every word. He was not expecting Sam to say all of that.

 

“Wow, uhm, thank you,” Grizz said.

 

“So, yeah,” Sam continued with a light blush on his cheeks, “I’m sorry for getting too physical to quick. I really do like you, it’s just that you’re really hot and you turn me on so it’s a little hard to not want to jump you.”

 

And Grizz thought that was one of the hottest things he had ever heard, and even though Grizz said he wanted to slow it down, now that he knew Sam actually did like him and it wasn’t all physical, he wanted to get back in that car and continue but the mood was a bit lost now and Grizz would look like an idiot constantly changing his mind.

 

“Killing me. You’re killing me,” Grizz said and leant forward, burying his face in Sam’s neck.

 

Sam laughed, because of course he did. He seemed to enjoy Grizz’s misery.

 

“I know. I’m sorry,” Sam said.

 

Grizz pulled back again and spoke, “no you’re not.”

 

“You’re right. I’m not. Anyway, I actually am hungry. Can we go back to town?” Sam asked.

 

“Can we make out for a little longer first?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’ll give you five minutes,” Sam said.

 

“Ten,” Grizz argued.

 

“Five.”

 

_“Ten.”_

 

“Seven and a half?”

 

“Round it up to eight?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam just smiled before taking Grizz’s hand and tugging him back to the back seat of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thanks for your patience!! Hope you all enjoyed the cute shit. You deserve it for getting this far!  
> Also a fun fact just in case anyone cares, I thought of the title of this story because of the song "Vulnerable" by Secondhand Serenade. It's worth a listen. Laters.


	17. Is that a hickey?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16 recap: Grizz asked Sam to be his boyfriend and at first Sam said maybe but 0.5 seconds later he said yes. Grizz was super excited and went straight to tell Gwen who was excited too. Clark saw them and got the wrong idea, as usual. Sam and Grizz made out in Grizz's car and it started getting a little too hot n heavy for Grizz. Grizz told Sam he didn't want to jump straight into a physical relationship. He might have also sort of let it slip that he loves him.

Grizz sat in the back row of his History class with his phone in his hand, as did pretty much every student who didn’t care for the World War 2 documentary Mr. Spencer had lazily put on in an attempt to educate without doing any actual work. The teacher also didn’t care in the slightest that no one was paying attention. In fact, Grizz was pretty sure Mr. Spencer was scrolling through Facebook on his laptop. Grizz focused on his phone as he typed out a text.

 

 **Why can’t we have classes together? I can’t do this whole not seeing you all day thing.** – Grizz.

 

 **Because you’re an old senior.** – Sam.

 

 **I’m not old!** – Grizz.

 

 **You’re ancient.** – Sam.

 

 **You’re supposed to be a senior too!!** – Grizz.

 

 **Thx for bringing it up that I’m dumb and got kept down.** – Sam.

 

 **Shut up. You’re not dumb.** – Grizz.

 

 **Says the child genius.** – Sam.

 

 **I’m not a genius, and I’m not a child.** – Grizz.

 

 **Oh that’s right. You’re an old man.** – Sam.

 

 **You’re 18 in like a week!!!** – Grizz.

 

 **Of course u know my birthday. Stalker.** – Sam.

 

 **You’re a bully.** **Now you’re not getting a present.** – Grizz.

 

 **No present, no more kisses for you!** – Sam.

 

 **That’s fine.** – Grizz.

 

 **Fine.** – Sam.

 

Grizz put his phone down in a moment of stubbornness and turned his attention to the documentary on the screen at the front of the room. He was holding back a smile though. If Grizz and Sam weren’t sending the most sickeningly cute texts to each other, they were arguing, always playfully, of course. That was all the two had done last night after Grizz dropped Sam home, and all morning, and through every class their teachers weren’t paying attention to them in.

 

Grizz sat there not looking at his phone for at least two whole minutes before he caved, picking it up again and typing out a quick message to Sam.

 

 **I lied. It’s not fine. I wanna kiss you.** – Grizz.

 

 **How bad?** – Sam.

 

 **Really fucking bad.** – Grizz.

 

 **Bad enough to leave class and meet me on the third floor bathrooms?** – Sam.

 

 **I’m on my way.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz shoved his phone in his pocket before getting up and making his way to the front of the classroom, past half-asleep students. Mr. Spencer didn’t even look up from his laptop, the elderly man’s eyes drooping as he too fought off his boredom.

 

“Uh, Mr. Spencer? Can I go to the bathroom?” Grizz asked.

 

“Go for your life, kid,” Mr. Spencer said through a yawn.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Grizz was out of there. The second he left the classroom he broke out into a run. He headed for the stairs and skipped up them two at a time until he was at the third floor. The hallway was empty and so was the bathroom as Grizz entered it. He checked each stall just to make sure before looking at his phone. He had no texts and he figured Sam might’ve been having some trouble getting out of class. Grizz would wait though, even if he got into trouble with Mr. Spencer for it.

 

Grizz couldn’t contain the butterflies that had been having a party in his stomach since twenty-two hours ago when he asked Sam to be his boyfriend. It had been the best twenty-two hours of Grizz’s life. He had never been so happy, never felt so light, never felt so calm and at peace with his life, even if there was that niggling voice in the back of his head that wanted to remind him about his parents and how scared he was. He silenced that voice for now because he was just so damn happy and excited that he had a boyfriend, that he had _Sam_.

 

Grizz spun around at the sound of the door swinging open. His heart sped up and he wasn’t sure if it was the threat of a completely random person walking through, or the possibility of it being Sam, that made it do so. It was Sam, looking like his usual perfect, gorgeous self in Grizz’s eyes. Grizz wasn’t quite sure if his heart was beating even faster or if Sam’s presence had calmed him down a bit. Grizz was never really sure of exactly how Sam made him feel, and maybe that was what love felt like.

 

“Hi,” Grizz said, but he didn’t give Sam a chance to respond because he was on a mission; a mission to get Sam’s lips on his. He took two quick steps towards his boyfriend before pushing him, only a _little_ bit roughly, against the door and kissing him hard.

 

Since Grizz left Sam last night, all he could think about was kissing him again. He craved the feel of his lips and tongue, like a drug addict searching for their next hit of heroin, and Sam was the sweetest heroin. Grizz felt high too, higher than he ever had been when smoking pot at parties. This was so much better.

 

Grizz tenderly held the sides of Sam’s face, desperate to keep him there as he kissed him, even though he knew they only had a couple of minutes before they had to get back to class. Sam clutched at Grizz’s hips, pulling him in closer, and as much as Grizz wanted Sam’s touch and to be closer to him, he knew it wasn’t a good idea while in school.

 

Grizz stopped kissing Sam. He looked down the couple inches to his eyes and smiled at the dazed look in Sam’s and the wetness on his lips. Grizz wanted to kiss him again but Sam dodged him, kissing along his jaw. Grizz wanted to tell Sam that he shouldn’t be doing that, that he was turning Grizz on and they had to go back to class, but Grizz couldn’t bring himself so push Sam away. Instead, Grizz slid his hands around the back of Sam’s head, sliding his fingers through his hair as the other boy kissed, licked and nipped at Grizz’s neck.

 

“Fuck…oh fuck. Not good. Not good,” Grizz whispered to himself. He closed his eyes, trying to think of something, anything to get his mind off of what Sam was doing, but well, Sam was really fucking good at what he was doing.

 

Sam sucked on Grizz’s neck right above his collarbone and a jolt went through Grizz so quickly and harshly that he couldn’t help the desperate moan that came out. Sam brought his lips back to Grizz’s shaking ones, kissing him firmly, and Grizz was a fucking mess. He had to stop this because at that point he was either going to walk out of there with a pretty obvious boner, or he was going to ask Sam to touch him and he didn’t want their first time fooling around to be in the school bathroom.

 

Grizz pulled back, though still keeping close to Sam’s body. Sam went to kiss him again but Grizz shook his head quickly.

 

“I have football practice this afternoon, but do you want to hang out after?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam bit his bottom lip, tilting his head to the side, “depends what you wanna do.”

 

“Talk. Make out in my car. The usual,” Grizz said.

 

“We have a ‘usual’?” Sam asked.

 

“We could,” Grizz shrugged, “but seriously, I wanna learn more sign language. I wanna practice. I’m not good enough.”

 

“I told you I can read lips,” Sam said.

 

“You shouldn’t have to all the time. I want to talk to you in your language,” Grizz said.

 

“Or we could not talk at all,” Sam grinned and leant up slowly before pressing his lips to Grizz’s. Grizz sighed into the kiss and he really didn’t want it to end, but they really needed to get back to class and he was starting to get a bit antsy thinking someone could walk in soon, even if they were blocking the door.

 

“I’m just a piece of meat to you, aren’t I?” Grizz said once they pulled away from each other. Grizz literally had to take a full step back just to stop himself, and Sam for that matter, from going at it again.

 

“A piece of meat I really like,” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz laughed and shook his head at the other boy, “whatever. We gotta get back.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Sam nodded.

 

Sam turned his back on Grizz, not letting him make another comment and then left the bathroom. Grizz leant against the counter, sighing heavily. He looked down at himself, and yeah, he was hard, and why the fuck did he decide on tight jeans that day? Grizz stood there for at least an entire minute, thinking of his grandmother, before he decided it was safe enough to leave and head back to class.

 

\---

 

It was lunch time when Grizz saw Luke for the first time that day. Grizz was heading down the hall towards the cafeteria when he heard the familiar voice.

 

“Hey, Grizz! Wait up!” Luke called out.

 

Grizz spun around, eyeing his friend as he caught up to him.

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Grizz asked as he turned back around and the two fell into step next to each other.

 

“Fuck, biology is a bitch. Ms. Chan hates me, I swear to God,” Luke grumbled.

 

“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. I can tutor you,” Grizz offered.  

 

“I get it, you’re a genius,” Luke sighed.

 

“That’s the second time today someone’s called me a genius,” Grizz muttered, remembering the banter with Sam earlier.

 

“Right, must be real hard,” Luke rolled his eyes, and then the next moment those eyes were narrowing as he squinted at Grizz.

 

“What?” Grizz asked.

 

“Is that…” Luke paused, gaze flicking from Grizz’s neck, to his eyes and back down again, “is that a hickey?”

 

Grizz’s entire body prickled with heat because he just knew straight away exactly where Luke was looking and exactly what he must have been looking at, and Grizz felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it earlier, but it honestly hadn’t clicked in his mind. Some fucking genius he was.

 

“No,” Grizz said and slapped his hand to his neck. Right, that wasn’t suspicious at all.

 

“Dude,” Luke laughed, “good for you.”

 

“It’s not. I…burnt myself on a straightening iron,” Grizz lied, and it was dumb, and Luke wasn’t buying it.

 

“Sure, you did.”

 

“I did. Fuck you,” Grizz snapped and then he stopped, turning on his heel because he couldn’t just go and sit down with Clark and Jason for lunch with a fucking _hickey_ on his neck. He’d never live it down and they’d just get on his back about who gave it to him.

 

“Where are you going?” Luke asked.

 

“To find Gwen! Don’t tell anyone what you saw!” Grizz called back.

 

“Thought it was just a burn!” Luke shouted down the hall.

 

“Shut up!” Grizz screeched in a panic.

 

Grizz dodged the sea of students heading to the cafeteria and set off in the direction of where Gwen’s last class was. It wasn’t until he saw her walking down the hall did he realize his mistake. Gwen had math. With Clark. And they were side by side. _And_ they spotted Grizz so he couldn’t even try to make an escape.

 

“Grizzy!” Gwen called out with a bright smile on her face.

 

“Hey,” Grizz spoke nervously, rubbing his neck in a desperate attempt to hide the hickey. Now that he knew it was there, it was almost impossible to not be able to feel a dull ache where it was, and on the one hand it was really, _really_ fucking hot that Sam did that to him, but on the other hand, well, Grizz wanted to kill him for it.

 

“What’s up, Grizz? Cafeteria’s that way,” Clark said.

 

“I know, but uh, Gwen, can I borrow you?” Grizz said, and he knew he would probably pay for that later but in that particular moment he really needed her help covering up the stupid mark.

 

“Me?” Gwen asked, glancing from Grizz to Clark and back again.

 

“Yeah, her? Why? What’s up, bud, I can help you out,” Clark said, practically puffing his chest to assert his dominance. Grizz tried not to roll his eyes.

 

“No, no I need Gwen. Well, I don’t, but Mrs. Brown is asking about that project we’re working on together because we’re late with it,” Grizz made up the lie on the spot and he was actually pretty impressed with himself. He gave Gwen a pointed look, silently begging her to play along.

 

“Oh right, right, that. Yeah, my part is in my locker. Can’t believe I forgot it,” Gwen said. Drama class was really paying off.  

 

“Great, cool. Let’s go get it or she’ll be hounding us all week,” Grizz said.

 

The two liars looked at Clark to make sure he wasn’t suspicious of anything. Grizz held his breath, just waiting for his friend to blow up or stalk off in a mood like he had done yesterday, but instead he shrugged, giving them a funny look.

 

“Whatever, I’m out,” Clark said before pushing past Grizz without another word. If Grizz wasn’t so relieved that he left without an argument then he’d have noticed the bitterness Clark was trying to hide in his voice. Instead he turned his attention back to Gwen who was watching him like he was crazy.

 

“What’s going on?” she asked.

 

Grizz dropped his hand and pointed at his neck. At first Gwen was confused but less than a second later her mouth dropped in a gasp.

 

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” she broke into a laugh.

 

“Would you just shut up and help me cover it? Please?” Grizz begged.

 

“You came to the right person. Come on,” Gwen took his hand and led him down the hallway like a toddler who had to be cleaned up by his mother. With his free hand Grizz took his phone out of his pocket and texted Sam.

 

 **YOU GAVE ME A HICKEY!!!!** – Grizz

 

 **Seriously?** – Sam.

 

 **Yes, seriously! I’m gonna kill you!** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m sorry. I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to. I’ve never done that before…** \- Sam.

 

 **Well congrats on your first time. Luke saw it before I even knew.** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m sorry. But also send a pic xx** – Sam.

 

Grizz looked up from his phone just as Gwen dragged him into the girl’s bathrooms after they made a quick pit stop at her locker. There was no one else in there, thankfully, because the last thing Grizz needed was some random girls starting rumors about himself and Gwen, even though he was sure people could’ve seen them walk in there. He had been too busy texting Sam.

 

Grizz looked in the mirror and sure enough there was a small oval shaped mark on his neck, dark red in color and even starting to go a little purple. Grizz couldn’t believe Sam did this, and he trusted that Sam really did not know what he was doing at the time, but at the same time Sam could be a little shit so Grizz wondered if maybe there was a little part of Sam that did this on purpose.

 

Grizz opened snapchat on his phone and took a selfie before sending it to Sam.

 

“What are you doing?” Gwen asked.

 

“Sending Sam a picture of this bullshit,” Grizz muttered.

 

“Oh lighten up,” Gwen said and took Grizz by the wrist. She dragged him into one of the stalls and locked it behind her, just in case any other girls were to come in.

 

“Lighten up? Have you met me? I don’t lighten, Gwen,” Grizz said dramatically.

 

“Yes you do. You’re the life of the party,” Gwen said.

 

“Not when super gay hickeys given by my super gay boyfriend are involved,” Grizz snapped, “can you just cover it, please?”

 

“Such a drama queen,” Gwen muttered under her breath.

 

Gwen had a little make-up bag with her that Grizz knew she had in her locker on any given day. Grizz was pretty sure it never left her locker, actually, and he was thankful for that because this was an emergency. She placed the bag in Grizz’s hands to hold as she rifled through it and found what she needed.

 

“Tilt,” Gwen ordered, and Grizz tilted his head away from the mark.

 

“Can’t believe I didn’t notice,” Grizz sighed.

 

“I can’t believe you got it in the first place,” Gwen said as she dabbed at the spot.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Uh, you’ve been dating for a day and you’re already getting hot and heavy?” Gwen said, and it felt more like a question.

 

“It’s really hard not to,” Grizz said honestly, and he thought back to yesterday afternoon when he and Sam were in the backseat of his car and they agreed on eight more minutes of making out and it turned into almost an hour, and he was so painfully hard in his pants that he had to keep stopping every few minutes to calm down. Thinking back, he kind of wished that he and Sam had just gotten each other off, but a part of Grizz still didn’t want that. He wanted a _real_ relationship with a _real_ connection where they had _real_ conversations and just really _really_ liked each other. He wanted to work on that more.

 

“Have you fucked yet?” Gwen asked.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz said, scrunching up his nose at Gwen’s choice of words.  

 

“Stop what?” Gwen asked.

 

“Calling it ‘fucked’,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh my God, you are totally a ‘made love’ guy, aren’t you?” Gwen giggled.

 

“So what if I am?” Grizz said defensively.

 

“I dunno. I think it’s sweet. So anyway, answer the question. Have you guys fooled around?” she asked again, and fuck she was nosy, but a part of Grizz liked hashing out his relationship with Sam to Gwen, because mostly he had no fucking idea what he was doing, and sometimes she helped.

 

“No. Like you said, we’ve only been dating for a day,” Grizz said.

 

“You know as well as I do it’s been going on longer than that,” Gwen said. She dug through her make-up bag again, pulling something else out that Grizz had no clue what it was.

 

“I guess…how long did it take you and Clark?” Grizz asked.

 

“About five months,” Gwen said thoughtfully.

 

“Fuck, really? That long?” Grizz asked, and he was sure Clark bragged to the boys about it being more like five weeks.  

 

“Why’s that so shocking?” Gwen asked, glancing up to Grizz’s eyes before back down at the bruise.  

 

“I dunno. I mean, it’s Clark,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“I’m not so quick to give it up though,” Gwen said.

 

“How quick do you think is too quick?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t think a time limit really matters, as long as you’re both into it,” Gwen explained.

 

“Right…right…”

 

“Are you and Sam gonna soon, do you think?” Gwen asked, and it wasn’t her being nosy. She sounded like she was genuinely concerned because, well, Grizz was concerned and it showed. Grizz didn’t even realize he still had this on his mind until right at that moment.

 

“I’d rather wait a while but I think he wants to. I mean, do you think it’s different with two guys? Like, guys just wanna get into bed, right? Most guys just care about sex so…” Grizz trailed off, not quite sure where he was going with that train of thought.

 

“Grizzy?” Gwen sighed, “Is Sam pressuring you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Could it be possible that you might just be overthinking this?” she asked.

 

Grizz hesitated before nodding, “maybe.”

 

“Turn your brain off for a while. Give it a rest and just let whatever happens, happen,” she said and she made it sound so easy, but Grizz had more he wanted to unload onto her.

 

 “Sure…sure…uhm, listen, do you think I’m attractive? Like in a…’I wanna tear off your clothes’ kind of attractive?” Grizz asked cautiously, hoping she wouldn’t find it too weird that he was asking that question.

 

“Well, I mean…yeah. I wanted to hook up with you, remember?” Gwen said.

 

“I thought you said you were just joking?” Grizz teased.

 

“Yeah well,” Gwen shrugged, “whatever. What’s going on, Grizz? Since when were you insecure?”

 

“Since I really like this guy and really want him to like me back,” Grizz murmured in a quiet voice.

 

“Grizz…he’s your boyfriend. He said yes. The tension between you two whenever I see you near each other makes me wanna throw up. I think you’re fine, and one doesn’t just give a hickey to someone they aren’t into,” she said, and she had a good point there.

 

Grizz nodded as Gwen kept going with the make-up. Surely she’d be done by now, right? Grizz was getting a little impatient. He really hoped she was doing a good cover up job. It was quiet for a little while. A girl came and left, then they were alone again.

 

“So,” Gwen broke the silence, “who do you think will be top and bottom?”

 

“Gwen!” Grizz was not expecting that.

 

“What? Isn’t this something you gotta think about or do you just go with it when it happens?” she asked, genuinely curious.

 

“I’ve never had gay sex before, Gwen. I don’t know,” Grizz snapped harshly.

 

“Well, do you wanna fuck Sam or do you want Sam to fuck you?” Gwen asked.

 

“Gwen!” Grizz yelled again.

 

“Alright, jeez, sorry.”

 

“You don’t see me asking about your sex life,” Grizz mumbled. He knew he was being a child and that he kind of asked for the personal questions since he kept the conversation going, but still, Gwen didn’t have to be so crude.

 

“You brought up your sex life so it’s your fault. And I’ll have you know my sex life is practically non-existent unless you count getting off over FaceTime,” Gwen said.

 

“What? With who?” Grizz asked, because seriously? Clark gave him death stares whenever Grizz was even breathing the same air as Gwen and yet there was this whole other guy out there that could have been getting those death stares instead.

 

“Seth, I told you about him, remember? The guy I met on a Yale tour?” Gwen reminded him.

 

“Oh right. You’re still talking to him?” Grizz asked.

 

“Every day,” Gwen smiled wide, her cheeks going pink, and it warmed Grizz’s heart to see her happy, because he knew the feeling, to find someone you really like who likes you back.

 

“Have you gone to meet him again?” Grizz asked.

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Well, when you do can you take me with you?” Grizz asked.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Because if you’re gonna meet some stranger online then I’m not letting you go by yourself,” Grizz said, because duh. There was no way he was letting her do that.

 

“I can take care of myself. Besides, do you really want be a third wheel?” Gwen asked, and then her eyes went wide and Grizz could basically see the lightbulb spark up above her head as she rambled quickly, “wait! Oh my God, yes, I have an idea. A great idea. Oh my fuck, Grizzy, we should go on a double date!”

 

“Uh no, I can’t do that. You know I can’t,” Grizz said.

 

“You can, it’ll be fine. He lives two hours away so we can go on a road trip to Yale and meet up with him and we can, like, I don’t know, go out to dinner and movies or bowling or something. No one we know will be there. You won’t have to worry,” Gwen said, and the idea was awfully tempting to Grizz.

 

“I dunno, maybe,” Grizz said.

 

“Yes! It’s a great idea,” Gwen said and she seemed pretty chuffed with herself.

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

“Good, I’ll talk to Seth about it. It’s gonna be so much fun. I promise,” she beamed.

 

Grizz just let it go because once Gwen had an idea in her head, she stuck to it, and also Grizz liked the idea. He could hang out with Sam away from the pressures of having to hide that he’s gay. The thought was a nice one and one that he would actually consider, even if it made him nervous to go out somewhere in public with Sam as his boyfriend.

 

“Okay, you’re good,” Gwen said as she zipped up her make-up bag and took it from Grizz.  

 

Grizz left the cubicle and went over to the mirror. Sure enough, the hickey wasn’t visible unless you got really close and were specifically looking for something. Grizz sighed in relief and turned to Gwen.

 

“Good job, thank you,” he said.

 

“It’d probably be easier to just tell the guys some random girl did it,” Gwen said, crossing her arms over her chest.  

 

“Yeah, probably. I’m so tired of lying though,” Grizz was deflated. He really wished he just had the courage to tell everyone the truth.  

 

“Then come out to them,” Gwen urged.  

 

Grizz shook his head and left the bathroom with Gwen close behind. They only received a couple of weird looks which Grizz shot down with a glare.

 

“Have you told Clark about Seth?” Grizz asked.

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Too much drama.”

 

“Exactly,” Grizz said triumphantly.

 

“Alright, sure, I guess I get it. Anyway, I feel kind of special being your only friend that knows,” Gwen smiled sweetly.  

 

“Hmm yeah, but that was an accident,” Grizz burst her bubble.

 

“Oh whatever, you totally would’ve told me first,” she said.

 

“I would’ve told Luke first,” Grizz argued.

 

“Stop being mean,” she pushed at his side, making him stumble a little but he quickly regained his balance and put his arm over her shoulder in a tight side-hug.

 

“You know I love you,” Grizz teased.

 

“Grizz, please, I’m taken,” Gwen spoke in the most serious voice she could muster up. Grizz rolled his eyes and dropped his arm, which was probably for the best since they were about to go into the cafeteria.

 

Grizz took his phone out of his pocket and saw he had a snapchat notification. Sam had screenshotted the snap he sent him. Grizz frowned before opening his messages and typing one out.

 

 **Why did you screenshot that?** – Grizz.

 

 **For later.** – Sam.

 

 **Later?** – Grizz.

 

 **It’s hot…for later… ;)** \- Sam.

 

Grizz looked up as he walked across to his usual table and locked eyes with Sam and his cheeky grin. This boy was going to be the death of him.

 

\---

 

Grizz ran after Clark across the vast expanse of the football field, but the other boy had a head start. The team had been split into two sides for a practice game and somehow Clark and Grizz ended up being pitted against each other for almost every play. Some plays Clark didn’t even start anywhere near Grizz and still ended up on his side and gaining the upper hand. It didn’t take Grizz long to realize Clark was trying to one-up him on purpose, and it took even less time for Grizz to figure out why. Gwen was on the sidelines, sitting on the bleachers with Sam and Becca.

 

Grizz wasn’t that surprised that Becca and Sam were there. Sam texted him earlier to let him know he was going to watch the practice and he guessed Becca just wanted to tag along, which Grizz didn’t mind since it looked less suspicious if Becca was there too. As for Gwen, it wasn’t that unusual for her to be by the field either since she had been during most practices, whether she was dating Clark or not. She was usually with a few of her cheerleader friends though. Grizz didn’t really know why she was with Sam and Becca instead, but he guessed since the party when they all hung out that they had become friends.

 

Grizz stopped running just shy of the end of the field as Clark scored a touchdown. Grizz watched on as his friend turned with a triumphant yell,

 

“That is how it’s done! Take some fucking notes!” Clark bellowed and even through his helmet Grizz saw Clark was staring right at him.

 

“Okay, chill,” Grizz brushed him off with a nervous laugh.

 

“I don’t get this good by chilling. Try and keep up next time, will ya?” Clark said, and seriously? Grizz didn’t know what had gotten into Clark. Well, he did. Clark was all bent out of shape over the whole Gwen thing, but in Grizz’s eyes, Clark was being a child. He had been nothing but aggressive towards Grizz all afternoon and Grizz just took it because it was easier that way.

 

Coach blew his whistle and Grizz retreated, getting back into position. He glanced over at Sam, giving him a hidden smile. He liked that Sam was there watching him. What he didn’t like though was that he couldn’t show off his talents because Clark was on a mission to embarrass him.

 

Once again Coach blew the whistle and before he knew it, Grizz had the ball in his hands. He took off running down the field and just like clockwork, Clark was hot on his tail, making a beeline for him.

 

“Fuck off, Jesus Christ,” Grizz muttered to himself.

 

Clark was determined. He leapt at Grizz, narrowly missing out as Grizz spun on his heels and dodged him. The second time Grizz tried to step away from Clark’s grasp, he wasn’t so lucky. Clark took Grizz out from his legs and he went down hard with a thud. Grizz lost count of the amount of times Clark had tackled him in that one afternoon.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz groaned and turned on his back just as Clark was getting off him.

 

“Go easy, man,” Grizz said as he went to get up, only two strong hands shoved him back to the ground.

 

“When are you gonna learn, Grizzy? You aren’t a match for me,” Clark sneered, and Grizz was done. He was so fucking done with this bullshit. He was up from the ground in a second and stepping towards Clark, chest puffed and face so red he was sure there was steam coming from his ears.

 

“What the _fuck_ is your problem!?” Grizz shouted.

 

“Who, me? I don’t have a problem. Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Clark shrugged with smug smile.

 

“Yes you do. You’ve been on me all afternoon and I’m trying really hard to ignore you because you’re just being a fucking child, but enough is enough!” And Grizz was trying so hard not to turn this into a screaming match, but Clark had pushed him just that little bit too far.

 

“You’re just jealous I’m a better player than you,” Clark said.

 

“I don’t give a shit if you’re better than me or not. Stop trying to attack me just because Gwen doesn’t want you anymore,” Grizz snapped.

 

“Oh and you think she wants you?” Clark asked, narrowing his eyes at him in a death glare that Grizz had been on the receiving end of one too many times.

 

“No, I don’t! This is why this is so fucking ridiculous. Gwen and I are just friends!” Grizz barked.

 

That was as far as the argument went because not a moment later Coach was running over to them and Grizz hadn’t realized it, but he had been advancing on Clark, getting in his face, and Clark was just standing there, looking all proud for getting under Grizz’s skin and that just made Grizz want to lose it even more.

 

“Hey, hey, that’s enough,” Coach got between the two, pushing Grizz back, “now I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, Visser, but there will be none of this kind of negativity on my field. You’re done for the day.”

 

“What? Me? Are you serious?” Grizz scoffed.

 

“Go! Hit the showers. Cool off. Come back next practice with a better attitude,” Coach ordered, and there was no point in arguing with him.

 

Grizz turned and stalked away from them and the rest of the team who had been watching on in confusion. He brushed off Luke who tried to talk to him and instead headed for the locker rooms. Grizz was absolutely livid. He hadn’t been more mad at one of his friends in his entire life, and he was even angrier knowing that he hadn’t actually done anything wrong.

 

Grizz tore off his helmet and practically threw it across the empty locker room, letting it crash against the metal with a loud bang. Grizz never really blew up like this, but he really just wanted to knock some sense into Clark. He wanted to just shout at him that he’s gay, but he didn’t want to have to come out to someone just because they were being a complete moron like Clark was.

 

“Fucking asshole,” Grizz muttered.

 

He went to his locker and yanked it open, digging out his towel. He slammed it shut and when he turned around, Sam was there, quietly standing at the door, wringing his hands together in a nervous habit that Grizz had never seen him do before, and almost instantly Grizz softened. He didn’t want Sam to see him like this, so worked up and hostile.

 

“What was that all about?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz sighed and leant against his locker, hitting the back of his head on it. He closed his eyes and shook his head, not in the mood to talk about it. He heard Sam’s footsteps as he came closer, and even with his eyes closed he could feel Sam’s presence just a few inches from him.

 

“You’re hot when you’re mad,” Sam said before taking Grizz’s hand.

 

“Not funny.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz opened his eyes and looked down at Sam, and honestly, with Sam standing in front of him holding his hand, he had never been more okay.

 

“I’m good,” Grizz said.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

Sam smiled before slowly leaning in, and when Grizz didn’t make a move to stop him or turn away, Sam pressed their lips together. Grizz kissed him back, not bothering to move a single muscle except for his lips. Sam had a way of calming him down like that. He could stand there unmoving forever, but they were in the locker rooms, at school, and in about twenty minutes that very room would be filled with jocks. Grizz finally moved and gently pushed Sam back.

 

“I’m all sweaty and gross and covered in dirt,” Grizz said when he was sure Sam was paying attention to his lips.

 

“I don’t mind,” Sam shrugged.

 

“Of course you don’t. But I do. I’m gonna shower. Wait for me?” Grizz asked.

 

“I could join you,” Sam smiled wickedly.

 

“Stop,” Grizz laughed, suddenly shy.

 

 “Never. I like it when you blush,” Sam said.

 

“You’re the worst.”

 

“So I’ve been told.”

 

Grizz couldn’t hold back the smile. All anger he felt for Clark left him, because at the end of the day it didn’t really matter. Grizz was happy. Grizz had Sam. Grizz wasn’t doing anything wrong by Clark and if Clark thought he was then it was his own problem. Grizz was the luckiest guy in the world with Sam, and Clark couldn’t take that from him.

 

Grizz headed off to the showers and stripped naked. He was very, _very_ aware that the showers didn’t have doors and that just around the corner was Sam waiting, and that at any moment one of Grizz’s team mates could come inside and find them both there, but Grizz figured he could always just lie and say they were going to work on a project after school.

 

Grizz showered quicker than ever, making the entire room steamy with how hot he had the water. When he eventually turned it off, he hung the towel on his hips and turned to the bench, searching for his clean clothes like always, and fuck, he forgot to get them from his locker. Grizz sighed, knowing Sam was going to have a field day with this.

 

Grizz headed back out to find Sam sitting on a bench in the locker room. He looked up when he noticed Grizz come back out, and Grizz really wished he had done a few push-ups or crunches that morning. Sam’s lips turned into a sly smile as he looked Grizz up and down.

 

“Hey,” Grizz ducked down to Sam’s eye-level, “my eyes are up here.”

 

“Not interested in your eyes,” Sam teased.

 

“You’re a slut, you know that, right?” Grizz kidded, only, he half meant it.

 

“Can’t help it,” Sam said innocently.

 

“You wanna take a picture? It’ll last longer,” Grizz said.

 

“Can I?”

 

“To add to your collection?” Grizz laughed.

 

“You should see my bedroom walls now. It’s just picture after picture of you,” Sam joked.

 

“Now who’s the stalker?” Grizz asked.

 

Grizz strode over to Sam, clutching at the towel so it wouldn’t fall, plus he half expected Sam to pull it down for a laugh. Grizz bent over a little and caught Sam’s lips with his, lightly sucking on his bottom one. He didn’t dare deepen the kiss though. There was plenty of time for that later. Grizz pulled back and traced his fingertips up Sam’s chin, making his held tilt up to look at Grizz and his lips.

 

“Wait for me at my car?” Grizz asked.

 

“Okay,” Sam said and he gave Grizz one last kiss before traipsing out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you all tell I have no clue how American football is played?? hahaha  
> Also I am very confused about what I'm doing with the characters ages. I see the story set early March at the moment and I see Grizz as having turned 18 in January and Sam turning 18 in a week and idk how Campbell fits into that because he's supposed to be a year older than Sam but he's still in school?? And American schooling confuses me. I don't really know but just pretend it all makes sense okay?


	18. Grizzam and Grammy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 recap: Sam gave Grizz a hickey. That's it. That's the entire chapter. Jk. Luke saw the hickey. Gwen helped him cover it up. Clark's paranoia over Gwen/Grizz escalated to the point where Clark was getting aggressive with Grizz on the football field and they had an argument. Sam helped Grizz calm down after and he is thirsty af as always tbh but do you blame him?

Every year at the beginning of March, West Ham High School held a fund-raiser in the form of a carnival set up on the football field. Mostly their teachers were used as staff, but students were put on rotation as well if they volunteered, which Grizz had forgotten he did months ago. He thought it would look good on his college applications, but since they had already been sent off, he didn’t know why he bothered to volunteer, but he couldn’t get out of it.

 

Grizz sat atop a platform above a dunk tank, trying his best not to shiver and go into hypothermia. It wasn’t that cold out, but it was cool enough for a guy getting dunked in icy water repeatedly and having to get back out in only his swim trunks. His friends were getting a kick out of using their throwing skills to dunk him.

 

Luke stood at the front of the throwing line and narrowed his eyes in a threat. Grizz stared back, challenging him to just do it already. Grizz knew he was about to drop. Luke was the goddamn Quarterback. There was no way he could miss. Luke reeled his arm back before pegging the tennis ball at the target. Just like he thought, Grizz went down, plunging into the water that his body had gotten used to. He was actually starting to think the water was warmer than the cold air outside.

 

Kicking up from the bottom, Grizz resurfaced, letting his senses once again take in the chill in the air, the carnival music surrounding him and the people laughing surrounding the tank. Grizz climbed up the ladder and jumped out, taking the towel Allie handed to him before she climbed up onto the platform, taking her turn.

 

“You finally free to come hang out with us?” Jason asked.

 

“Yeah, just let me get dressed. I’ll be back in a sec,” he told the group that had been so patiently waiting for him for the past twenty minutes.

 

Grizz headed off to the locker rooms. There were only two other people in there, sophomores, Grizz thought. He paid them no mind as he went to the locker he stashed his clothes in. He dried and got dressed pretty quickly as to not make his friends wait any long. He looked at his phone quickly when he was done and noticed he had a text. He smiled instantly, his cheeks burning red.

 

 **You look good wet.** – Sam.

 

 **Stop stalking me xx** – Grizz.

 

 **I wish we could hang out here together.** – Sam.

 

 **Me too. I’m sorry.** – Grizz.

 

 **It’s okay!!!!!!!** – Sam.

 

 **It’s not. I suck.** – Grizz.

 

 **Shut up.** – Sam.

 

Grizz sighed as he did as he was told and put his phone in his pocket. He really did miss Sam. He was so used to going to school and seeing him in the corridors or at lunch, and then of course hanging out in Grizz’s car every afternoon. It was Saturday night though and he hadn’t seen Sam _all day_ and Grizz was _dying._

 

Grizz left the locker room and went back over to where Luke, Helena, Jason, Clark and Gwen were. Clark and Grizz had barely said two words to each other all week and it had been awkward. The others all noticed too. Obviously all of them except Helena had seen the fight, but no one brought it up, except for Gwen one on one to Grizz, and Grizz had just brushed it off because he didn’t want to start any more drama. He just told her the two had been in bad moods and kept getting in each other’s way on the field, that was all.

 

On Friday at lunch time there was a shift. Grizz had been sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, nose buried deep in his biology textbook when Clark threw one of his fries at him and called him a nerd, and then that was it. The fight was apparently over, but the two hadn’t spent enough time together after that for Grizz to know if it was _really_ over, or if it was just on the surface.

 

“What’s going on guys? What’ve I missed?” Grizz asked when he got to the group. The lot of them headed off to, well, Grizz didn’t know, but he just went off with them anyway.

 

“We’ve been waiting on your ass to go on the Gravitron,” Jason said.

 

“We know it’s your fave,” Clark added. That was a good sign, Grizz figured. Maybe Clark really was over it.

 

“Aww you really waited for me? You guys are the best,” Grizz cooed.

 

“They just wanna see you throw up,” Luke said.

 

“Uh, no, we all know for the past three years in a row it’s been Jason who got sick first,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“I resent that. I’ll fuckin’ show you all up,” Clark challenged.

 

“You guys are all dumb,” Gwen said as she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“Totally,” Helena commented.

 

“You’re just saying that because you know you’d be outta there before any of us guys,” Luke teased his girlfriend, poking her ribs playfully.

 

“Well that’s a bit sexist. You’re on! Unless you boys are scared of losing to a girl?” Helena asked, the dare clear in her voice, and the boys, very much including Grizz, weren’t about to back down from the challenge.

 

“I am _not_ going next to Jason again. I had to throw out my school hoodie last year because I couldn’t get the smell of vomit out of it,” Grizz scrunched up his nose at the memory.

 

“Oh yeah, dude that was fucking hilarious,” Jason said.

 

“Was it though? Was it really?” Grizz said as he pushed his friend’s shoulder, making him stumble to the side.

 

“Funny for us anyway,” Gwen giggled.

 

“Yeah, that was pretty funny,” Luke agreed.

 

Grizz looked around at the others, all of them nodding in agreement.

 

“I hate you all,” Grizz muttered, delivering each one a glare.

 

The group kept chatting, throwing banter back and forth as they made it to the end of the line for the ride and began the short wait. Grizz got distracted, tuning out of the conversation as his phone vibrated in his pocket.

 

 **Hey…** \- Sam.

 

 **??** – Grizz.

 

 **I like your face. –** Sam.

 

 **I like your face too.** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m gonna give it so many kisses later.** – Sam.

 

 **You better. And later???** – Grizz.

 

 **I think I might die if I don’t see you tonight.** – Sam.

 

 **You’re dramatic.** – Grizz.

 

 **Oh sure, I’M the dramatic one.** – Sam.

 

 **ANYWAY, back to later…** \- Grizz.

 

 **Idk. Can we meet up??** – Sam.

 

 **I can drive you home?** – Grizz.

 

 **Me n Bec came with Gordie n Kelly.** – Sam.

 

 **Tell them you got another ride. I’ll drop Becca home too.** – Grizz.

 

 **Ok. I just really wanna see you.** – Sam.

 

 **So desperate ;)** – Grizz.

 

 **You have no idea…** \- Sam.

 

Grizz bit on his bottom lip, trying to hold back a smile, but apparently that wasn’t doing the trick.

 

“Who’s got you smiling like that?” Helena asked and Grizz glanced up at the speed of light, eyes flicking to each of his friends. Luke and Helena were to one side, and Gwen was on his other, all three were paying attention to what was said. Clark and Jason were bouncing around like a couple of children hyped up on sugar so they didn’t hear a thing.

 

“No one, just a meme,” Grizz lied.  

 

“You’re texting a meme?” Helena asked with a sly smile, and Grizz quickly replayed in his head the past two minutes to try and remember if his phone screen was visible to her or not, and he was sure it hadn’t been. He was always careful with that.

 

“Look, we’re up,” Luke said, and thank God.  

 

The six of them, along with a bunch of other classmates, piled on to Grizz’s favorite ride. He could spin around for hours and hours on end and not get even a little bit bored or sick so he had no doubt he’d win the little bet with his friends.

 

Once everyone was on, the ride started spinning around and around in circles. They all stayed on for a couple of rounds until they had their first casualty. Gwen was out, claiming she had too many hot dogs and sugary drinks. Clark was gone not long after that, saying he wanted to go check on Gwen, but Grizz saw through the doors that Gwen just brushed him off, and if Grizz hadn’t been so annoyed at Clark this week then he might have felt sorry for him.

 

Jason was out next after two more goes and he had stumbled from his spot three spaces away from Grizz, to right in front of him and started dry-heaving and Grizz practically forced him from the ride because he was _not_ going through that trauma again. Grizz could’ve gone all night, and so could Helena and Luke since they were being a bit competitive with each other.

 

Grizz was quick to forget about the bet though when the ride was loading up new people and he saw his friends through the door, only they weren’t alone. Jason, Clark and Gwen were standing there talking to Sam and Becca. Grizz was done with the ride. He forfeited to Luke and Helena and stumbled dizzily down the couple steps to the grassy ground.

 

“Hey guys,” Grizz said when he got to the group. His gaze landed on Sam who was hiding a smile, but Grizz saw it. Grizz tried not to keep his eyes on Sam. He tried not to swoon at his mere presence. He really did.

 

“Hey, Grizz. Look who we ran into,” Gwen said with a cheesy grin on her face.

 

“Yeah, I can see that. How are you guys doing? Having fun?” Grizz asked, and his fingers twitched, wanting to sign to Sam, or at least try to, which was what he usually did when speaking one on one with him, but with his friends there he didn’t want to raise any questions.

 

“Yeah, we just rode the Ferris wheel three times, right Sam?” Becca said, signing quickly, and Grizz was jealous because she was so good at it and he wondered how long it took her to get that good and if he’d ever be at that standard himself.

 

 “Did you say something to me?” Sam asked, his gaze leaving Grizz and focusing on Becca instead.  

 

“We went on the Ferris wheel,” Becca said.

 

“Oh yeah, she made me. I don’t really like heights,” Sam said, and Grizz didn’t really know why but he found that to be kind of cute, and he wanted to ride the Ferris wheel with Sam. He wanted to hold his hand, tell him it was safe and okay, and to kiss him at the top, just like Simon and Bram in Grizz’s current favorite movie, Love, Simon. If only he had the courage Bram had.

 

“Well, we were just about to head over to the bumper cars. Do you guys wanna come with?” Clark asked. And Grizz could kiss Clark for giving them a chance to hang out.

 

“Uh, I guess. Sam?” Becca asked and signed a little more since Sam hadn’t been looking at Clark.

 

“Sure, let’s go,” Sam nodded with a smile.

 

So, the new group went off, abandoning Luke and Helena because they knew there was no way either of them was going to give in to the other and would probably be on the ride for hours. Grizz trailed a little behind, too scared to walk next to Sam because he knew he’d probably give himself away, and Clark and Jason were the last people in his friend group that he’d want finding out. He had no idea how they would even react.

 

Clark slowed his pace down to Grizz’s, falling in step next to him. The next second a strong arm was being flung over Grizz’s shoulder as Clark roughly pulled him into a side-hug. It was the friendliest interaction Grizz and Clark had with each other all week.

 

“Just call me the greatest wingman,” Clark said.

 

“What?” Grizz panicked.

 

“Dude, I’ve giving you an in with Becca,” Clark said proudly.

 

“Oh.”

 

“You’re still into her, right?” Clark asked, eyeing Grizz with a suspicious look that had his stomach churning.

 

“Oh, uh, sure. I-I mean, I guess?” Grizz stuttered out.

 

“You guess? You wanna know what I think?” Clark asked.

 

“Desperately,” Grizz said, but Clark didn’t catch the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 

“I think you two would make a perfect couple. I mean, you’re both smart ‘n shit, right? I can’t really imagine you with any other girls we know, but you and Becca? That shit’d be cute as fuck,” Clark said.

 

Right, Becca was smart, and so was Grizz. He was smart enough to see right through what Clark was doing. Suddenly being so nice to him? Pushing him towards Becca? He was trying to get him away from Gwen. Grizz was annoyed, but mostly at himself, because he felt himself caving to the idea of Clark thinking he liked Becca, just as he had done before. He didn’t want to use Becca like that, but still, he found himself agreeing.

 

“I suppose you’re right,” Grizz said.

 

“That’s my boy. I got your back, okay? I’ll get you both more time together,” Clark said.

 

At first, Grizz wondered how exactly Clark was going to do that, but a few minutes later he found himself at the bumper card rides, sitting in one of the cars with Becca driving beside him. Clark aggressively _insisted_ that Grizz and Becca pair up, with Clark and Jason going together, leaving Gwen and Sam in a car together.  

 

“Lighten up, Grizz. I’m not that bad to hang out with, am I?” Becca asked as she drove them around the circle, dodging bumper car after bumper car.

 

“Sorry, it’s not you,” Grizz apologized, because well, he had been moping a bit.

 

“Ah yes, the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line,” Becca giggled.

 

“It’s not you, it’s them,” Grizz said, nodding ahead to Clark and Jason who were being idiots ramming into everything they could.

 

“What’s going on?” Becca asked.

 

“Just…fuck, I don’t know,” Grizz ran his fingers through his hair, breathing out a heavy sigh.

 

“Is it something to do with Clark asking me and Sam to hang out? Do they know something?” Becca asked.

 

“Not about me and Sam. Clark still thinks I’m into you, and he’s trying to push us together because he wants to get me away from Gwen,” Grizz told her.

 

“From Gwen?”

 

“Yeah, he also thinks I’m into Gwen,” Grizz said, and he couldn’t help but laugh a little because it was so ridiculous to him.

 

“Well, well, aren’t you just a ladies man,” Becca teased.

 

“Yep, that’s me alright. But not really,” Grizz sighed dramatically again, “all I want to do is hang out with Sam and it not be, like, noticeable or weird to everyone else.”

 

The bumper car stopped as their time on the ride came to an end. Grizz unbuckled, only Becca took his arm, stopping him from getting out.

 

“What’s something Clark and Jason hate doing at these carnivals?” Becca asked him.

 

“Uh, sideshows, I guess. They find all the games boring as shit and always stick to the rides side,” Grizz said.

 

“Then it looks like we’re going to sideshow alley,” Becca said with a grin.

 

Becca turned away from him and started signing. Grizz looked over at Sam who was already standing on the sidelines with the others who weren’t paying much attention to Sam at all. In fact, it was so little attention that Sam was able to walk off without being detected.

 

“What’d you tell him?” Grizz asked as the two of them got out of the cart.

 

“What? Your sign language classes not teaching you anything?” Becca asked.

 

“Well, we’ve kind of been doing less sign language and more…other stuff,” Grizz said, making Becca scrunch up her nose.

 

“I do not wanna know,” she said.

 

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Grizz backtracked.

 

“Sure it isn’t,” Becca murmured.

 

And, it wasn’t, because every afternoon since Grizz and Sam had become official, they would drive to the river and make out in Grizz’s car, before things would get a little too heated and they’d stop and talk instead. Followed by more making out, more talking, then a little more making out. Grizz thought he would’ve gotten it out of his system by now, but every time he kissed Sam he just wanted more and more.

 

Sam never attempted to make things go beyond kissing. He kept his hands to himself and behaved, and Grizz, well, he was so torn between wanting to go a bit further and wanting to take things slow, and he kind of wished Sam’s hands would go wandering because Grizz wasn’t sure if he could initiate something more himself. He was nervous. He had been with girls before but never a guy, especially a guy he liked so much. He didn’t want to do the wrong things. He didn’t wanna fuck it up.

 

When Grizz and Becca got to Gwen, Jason and Clark, she latched onto Grizz’s arm with a big smile on her face before speaking, “Grizz is gonna win me a plushie on the laughing clowns. You guys don’t mind if we head off?”

 

“Go for it, guys. Have fun,” Clark said, giving Grizz a not-so-subtle wink.

 

“Wait, what? You’re leaving me with these losers? Where’s-,” Gwen stopped as she glanced around, noticing Sam was gone, then realized what Grizz and Becca were trying to do. She rolled her eyes and gave a heavy sigh, “you know what? I’m gonna go find Luke and Helena.”

 

“What, we aren’t good enough?” Jason argued.

 

“Nope! Laters!” Gwen said with a smile and a wave as she skipped off.

 

“Anyway, I’ll catch you guys later, or on Monday,” Grizz said to the boys.

 

“Alright, stay out of trouble,” Jason said.

 

“Or not,” Clark snickered.

 

Grizz didn’t want to deal with him anymore so he took Becca’s hand and dragged her away. It was only when they were away from the ride did he drop Becca’s hand.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz said to her as they kept walking.

 

“For what?”

 

“Using you,” he said, and he really was ashamed by what he was doing, but the anxiety he had from anyone finding out about him and Sam over-rode any feelings of guilt he had.

 

“You’re not using me. I’m just helping you out, and Sam too,” Becca said.

 

“Well, thank you,” Grizz said, and he really did appreciate her.

 

“Why do you hang out with Clark and Jason anyway? You don’t even seem to really like them,” Becca said.

 

“I do, really. At the end of the day I do. They just don’t really know me and it gets frustrating sometimes,” Grizz said.

 

“Have you considered coming out to them?” Becca asked.

 

“You sound like Gwen,” Grizz grumbled.

 

“Yeah, we text.”

 

“About me?”

 

Becca grinned innocently and shrugged. Grizz dropped the topic as the two of them got to sideshow alley. They were walking around for a little while until they finally found Sam walking towards them with his hands behind his back, and at the time Grizz paid that no mind.

 

“Hey,” Grizz greeted with a wave.

 

“Hi. I thought you guys ditched me,” Sam said.

 

“No. Never,” Grizz smiled. Sam smiled back, biting at his bottom lip. So, there they were, smiling like idiots, only a couple of feet apart, and to anyone else looking in it would’ve just looked like a few friends hanging out, but it was so much more than that to Grizz. There was this magnetic pull towards Sam and it took everything in him not to kiss him, or even just hold his hand.

 

“I’ve never felt more like a third wheel in my entire life,” Becca said and signed after getting Sam’s attention.

 

“Sorry,” Sam and Grizz said at the same time.

 

“It’s okay. You guys want me to leave though?” Becca offered.

 

“No,” Grizz said quickly, “no, uh…stay. It’ll look…weird…if we’re…alone…”

 

Grizz looked to Sam, the guilt seeping in once more, and he just felt like a terrible person. He felt like a fun-killer. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he were to hang out with Sam on his own in a public place, but to Grizz, that did feel like the end of the world.

 

‘Sorry,’ Grizz signed to Sam.

 

“Stop apologizing,” Sam said.

 

‘Sorry,’ Grizz signed again.

 

Sam merely laughed at him, shaking his head. At least he wasn’t annoyed at Grizz.

 

“I won something for you while I was waiting,” Sam said.

 

“Really?” Grizz’s mood instantly brightened.

 

Sam pulled the toy out from behind his back. It was a Grizzly bear, and Grizz just couldn’t stop smiling. He took the bear from Sam, feeling how soft it was with his fingertips. Grizz wanted to pounce on Sam and kiss the life out of him so badly.

 

“Aww, you won me a bear?” Grizz laughed.

 

“Something for you to cuddle at night,” Sam said, and Grizz’s cheeks hurt from smiling so damn wide.

 

“I’ll have to name it. Any ideas?” Grizz asked.

 

“Becca?” Sam signed to the girl.

 

“Oh uh, what about…Grizzam?!” Becca said with excitement like a lightbulb just flashed above her head.

 

“What?” Grizz and Sam said at the same time.

 

“Grizz…am. It’s your names together,” Becca said and signed.

 

“That’s stupid,” Grizz said.

 

“Or Gram,” Becca said, making herself laugh like an idiot.

 

“Grammy the bear?” Grizz said as he finger-spelled the name to Sam.

 

“Grammy it is,” Sam nodded.

 

“Now I have to win you something,” Grizz said and turned to Becca, “and you too. As a thank you.”

 

“I want a tiger,” Becca said, or more like demanded.

 

“Alright, alright, let’s go,” Grizz said with a smile and a nod.

 

For the next couple of hours, the three off them went around to each and every one of the sideshows. It turned out Sam was the best at the games. He ended up winning the tiger for Becca, and a necklace, plus another stuffed bear that they decided to call Grizzam after Becca argued for it, and they insisted Sam keep that bear for himself. And Grizz? Well, all Grizz could win was a friendship bracelet which he tentatively tied around Sam’s wrist, who then promptly made a joke about them being _just friends._

 

When the three of them had finally had enough of the games they sat down to eat fries and burgers. That was when Gwen ended up joining them. She greeted them all with a smile and a wave as she sat beside Becca, who was across from Sam and Grizz.

 

“Hey, what have you been up to?” Grizz asked her.

 

“Well, I went to find Luke and Helena, but they took forever on the stupid gravitron so I gave up, then went on a few rides with Clark and Jason then came to find you lot,” Gwen explained.

 

“You know if Clark sees you with me he’ll get the wrong idea, right?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t care. I didn’t feel like hanging with them two anymore. And I feel like I’m missing out on all the fun you three are having,” Gwen said.

 

“Yeah stop being a killjoy, Grizz. Besides, if Clark turns up I’ll just tell him me and Gwen are lesbian for each other,” Becca said.

 

“Then he’ll just ask you two to make out,” Grizz said.

 

Becca and Gwen looked at each other before shrugging and falling into a fit of giggles. Grizz rolled his eyes at them and turned his attention back to Sam who was being quiet, which of course, was not unusual for Sam while talking in groups. Grizz nudged his side.

 

‘You okay?’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam nodded, resting his cheek in his hand as he looked at Grizz.

 

“Really wanna kiss you,” Sam whispered.

 

Grizz glanced at the girls who were having their own conversation, before looking back at Sam.

 

‘Me too,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam smiled and looked away with a bashful smile. Grizz turned back to the girls too and honestly couldn’t wait until it was time to go home so he could give Sam that goodnight kiss he had been craving all night.

 

For the next hour the four off them sat there just talking with each other, until _finally_ an announcement came over the loudspeakers saying it was nearing closing time and Grizz had an excuse to get up and leave.

 

“Do you all want a ride home?” Grizz asked.

 

“I can walk, but if you’re offering then sure, thanks,” Becca said.

 

“I ain’t walking, so yep,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz glanced at Sam, but he already knew his answer. The four of them headed off to the car park, holding their individual stuffed animals. Grizz had driven to the carnival by himself so he didn’t have any obligations to any of the guys. He wasn’t even sure how Gwen, Becca and Sam had gotten here, but none of them seemed to be telling their rides they had another way home. Maybe their parents dropped them off.

 

Grizz joked around with Gwen as they got closer to Grizz’s car. She was teasing him about how cute it was that Sam won a bear for him, after he told her the quick story of why he had a bear and why its name was Grammy.

 

“You’re so cute you make me sick,” Gwen laughed.

 

“Whatever. I bet you and Seth are just as sickeningly cute,” Grizz said.

 

“We would be if we were to ever meet again. Have you thought about my offer of a double date yet?” Gwen asked.

 

“Yeah, haven’t talked to Sam about it though,” Grizz said, looking at Sam who was walking ahead of them and signing with Becca.

 

“Seth has a lesbian trans sister, you know, so he’d be, like, totally cool with you two,” Gwen said.

 

“That’s cool. I just don’t want Sam to think things are moving too fast,” Grizz said.

 

“Aren’t you, like, in love with him?” Gwen asked.

 

Grizz shrugged, “not the point. It’s just that I always thought I’d come out in college so I just want to slow things down a bit before, I dunno, getting serious? Sounds dumb.”

 

“Everything about you is serious, Grizz. This doesn’t have to be. Just have some fun,” Gwen said.

 

Gwen’s words hit him a little hard. He never used to think he was _that_ serious. He wanted to be the fun one. He wanted to let lose and love freely. He just had this annoying, niggling voice in the back of his head that always wanted to stop him.

 

“Gwen!” a deep, booming voice called out just as the four of them got to Grizz’s car. Grizz turned around and saw Clark running up to them.

 

“Gwen, hey, hey guys,” Clark quickly greeted the others but it was obvious he was only there to talk to Gwen as he turned his attention right back to her, “I didn’t know where you went off to.”

 

“Oh, yeah. Well I went to find Erica then ran into these guys,” Gwen said.

 

“Right, well, I can still give you a ride home. I’m already taking Luke, Jason and Helena that way,” Clark said hopefully.

 

“It’s fine. I already said yes to these guys. But thanks,” Gwen said.

 

“Alright…” Clark trailed off and glanced to Grizz, his eyes flicking back to Gwen less than a second later, “uh, okay. I’ll see you guys at school.”

 

Clark turned and began walking away, but Grizz saw the hurt in his friend’s eyes, and even though that hurt was unfounded, because there was obviously nothing going on with himself and Gwen, Grizz felt like he had to say something, anything, to make it better.

 

“Hey Clark, wait!” Grizz chased after him, getting far enough away from the others. Clark didn’t stop for him though, so he stepped around in front off him, making him stop.

 

“What do you want?” Clark snapped.

 

“I just, uhm, wanted to say thank you for being such a great wingman. I think it’s working,” Grizz said, feeling like absolute dirt for using Becca again, but she did say she was okay with it.

 

“With which girl?” Clark asked, his eyes locked on Grizz’s.

 

“With Becca,” Grizz played dumb.

 

“Whatever,” Clark mumbled before knocking past Grizz.

 

Grizz just let him go. Other than coming out to Clark, there was no way he could make Clark stop thinking there was something going on with himself and Gwen. And now he probably thought Grizz was leading both Gwen and Becca on, and all Grizz wanted to do was kiss Sam. It was almost funny. Almost.

 

Grizz headed back over to Gwen, Becca and Sam. The three stood there a little awkwardly, no doubt picking up on the tension between Grizz and Clark, and probably knowing exactly why. Grizz kind of wanted to chastise Gwen and ask her why she didn’t just go with Clark because that would’ve been a lot easier, but he knew that wasn’t fair. Gwen shouldn’t have to alter how she acted or who she hung out with just because Clark was paranoid and couldn’t let go of their failed relationship.

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, forget about him. Let’s just go,” Grizz said before passing by the lot of them and getting in the driver’s seat.

 

Sam took his place in the passenger side while the girls hopped in the back. It was dark in the car and as Grizz turned it on, music blared from the speakers, shutting off all means for conversation, not that they would have a conversation anyway when Sam couldn’t see everyone and get involved. The mood was still light though, despite the hiccup in their night that was Clark. Grizz had been in too good of a mood from hanging out with this particular group of friends that he wouldn’t let anyone else bring him down.

 

The girls sung along, badly, to the music in the back seat at the top of their lungs, and Sam had his hand on Grizz’s thigh, rubbing it back and forth in a way that calmed Grizz right down. It was moments like those that made Grizz really fucking happy that he had a boyfriend. He had never felt that sort of affection before, and all Sam was doing was sitting there touching him. It was an amazing feeling of safety that he couldn’t imagine living without now that he actually had it.

 

Grizz took Sam’s hand in his free one and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. The other boy smiled at him before lacing their fingers together and dropping their hands back to Grizz’s lap. Grizz couldn’t wait to just get back to Sam’s house already and kiss him. Sam had told him earlier about his eleven o’clock curfew, so if it weren’t for that then Grizz would’ve suggested heading down to the river and well, at that point Grizz didn’t know if he’d be able to do the whole slow and steady thing.

 

Grizz got to Becca’s house first, dropping her off and waving goodbye over the loud music, then it didn’t take too much longer to get to Gwen’s house, doing the same. That was when Grizz turned off the music, just in time for Gwen to tell him to use a condom, in true Gwen fashion. He scolded her, yelling at her as she scampered off up to her house.

 

“What’d she say?” Sam asked.

 

It was too dark to talk so Grizz just waved dismissively at the comment and headed back off down the road. That was when things got a little interesting. Grizz knew Sam could be a little shit when he wanted to be, but he didn’t think he had a total and complete disregard for their safety.

 

Grizz heard the click of a seatbelt as Sam unbuckled himself. Grizz could only glance at Sam, wondering what the hell he was doing, and then he found out when Sam moved closer and placed his lips right below Grizz’s ear in a soft kiss. Grizz sighed deeply in relief because he had been waiting for what felt like forever to have Sam’s lips on him.

 

Sam slowly kissed down the length of Grizz’s neck, and that was not okay, because Grizz was _driving_ , or at least trying to. He was just glad there were no other cars around. He couldn’t even tell Sam to stop it, not that he wanted it to end. If he really wanted it to stop then he could’ve just pushed Sam away, but he didn’t dare to.

 

Grizz tried to ignore Sam as the mischievous boy littered his neck, collarbone, jaw and cheek with dozens of butterfly kisses. All the while Grizz couldn’t stop smiling.

 

At last, Grizz got to Sam’s house. He pulled up on the curb, quickly putting the car in park, and apparently Sam had been really impatient because it took him a nanosecond to turn Grizz’s face towards his and plant their lips together. Grizz had been so worked up from Sam kissing his neck that for once he didn’t just let himself melt against Sam. No, he kissed Sam harder, silently showing him just how much he wanted him.

 

Grizz took Sam’s face in his hands, keeping him there, making him stay still as he bit the other boy’s bottom lip. Sam opened his mouth, letting Grizz’s tongue slide along his, and it tasted so, so sweet. Sam latched onto Grizz’s arm, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on Grizz’s wrist, and there Grizz went, turning into a goddamn kitten being scratched.

 

Grizz didn’t know how Sam did that; always turned him into absolute putty. It was the gentle touches, like the way his hands moved so slow to around the back Grizz’s neck and played with his hair. It made Grizz feel so light, like he was on a constant high whenever they made contact. It was like being on a drug trip, and on that drug trip Grizz didn’t know what time was. He could’ve been kissing Sam for minutes or even hours. He didn’t know. He just knew he didn’t want it to end.

 

Only it did end. In the worst way. Grizz leapt away from Sam and his heart jumped into his throat as a loud knock sounded on the driver’s side window. The next thing he noticed was the bright, white light being shone through the glass. Grizz’s head spun as he looked back and forth from Sam, to the mystery person. It was only a moment later when they turned the light around on themselves. Fucking Campbell.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz groaned. Because yeah, Campbell had a pretty good idea that there was something going on but he had never actually saw them kiss before.

 

“it’s okay,” Sam said quickly, his hand taking Grizz’s, “don’t freak out. It’s okay.”

 

Grizz couldn’t take his eyes off Campbell who smiled and waved, and oh great, Elle was there too. Campbell made a motion to roll the window down. Surprisingly, Grizz wasn’t very panicked about the entire situation, and he didn’t know if that was because he was getting over it, or because he had been taken off guard and didn’t know what to think.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to do, except roll the window down as instructed. He tried to act as cool and casual as possible as the barrier between them went down.

 

“Elle, Campbell,” Grizz nodded at the two of them.

 

“Hey kids. Didn’t mean to interrupt the fun, but just letting my brother dearest know he’s five minutes over curfew,” Campbell said while signing to Sam at the same time.

 

“Right, sure. We weren’t looking at the time,” Grizz said, his throat tight, and fuck, there was the anxiety.

 

“Clearly,” Campbell grinned and winked. He fucking _winked_ at Grizz, and Grizz didn’t know what to do. Campbell was being civil and Grizz knew it was fake.

 

“I’ll be right there,” Sam said. Grizz heard the agitation in his voice.

 

“Okay, just hope mom and dad are asleep already and don’t notice,” Campbell spoke to Sam before turning his attention back to Grizz, “I’ll see you around, Grizz.”

 

Grizz couldn’t say anything to him. He just nodded in response and breathed a sigh of relief when Campbell backed away from the car.

 

“Drive safe, Grizz,” Elle said sweetly.

 

“Thanks,” was all Grizz could say, and then he wound the window back up as the other two headed towards the house.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz said again, hitting his head against the headrest.

 

“You okay?” Sam asked and turned on the interior light. Grizz looked to him, giving a small smile before nodding.

 

“Yeah. Pretty sure he knew anyway, right?” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, looking unsure. And Grizz was unsure too, unsure about what he was feeling. He was trying to push down the anxiety because tonight, just hanging out with Sam, had been so much fun and he was on a such a high that he didn’t want anyone or anything to ruin that, including Campbell.

 

“I’ll text you later?” Sam asked.

 

“Definitely,” Grizz said, and he didn’t even care if Elle and Campbell had made it to the house or if they could still see them in the light. He leant over and placed his lips on Sam’s in a soft kiss. They both pulled back a moment later and Sam hesitated as he opened the passenger side door.

 

“I’m fine. Really,” Grizz said.

 

“Promise?”

 

“I promise,” Grizz said, and it was only a half lie, because he _was_ fine, but that was only because he was forcing himself to be that way.

 

Sam was content with that reply though because he got out of the car, taking his bear with him. Grizz watched him as he walked up the pathway to the front door and then disappear inside it. Once he was in, he got out his phone and typed out a text, sending it to Elle.

 

 **Hey Elle. Sorry to be weird and all but can you please keep what you saw tonight to yourself? I’m not ready to come out yet. And if you have any kind of power over Campbell at all then please convince him to keep it to himself too? Sorry again.** – Grizz.

Grizz put his phone down and headed out on the short trip home. He focused on his breathing and consistently told himself over and over again that everything was fine, that Campbell already had a pretty strong idea that he and Sam were together so nothing changed, and Elle, well, Grizz trusted Elle even if he didn’t know her too well. She didn’t seem to be the gossip type of person, mostly because she didn’t hang out with anyone other than Campbell.

 

When Grizz got home, he had two messages. One from Sam, and the other from Elle. Sam’s was a selfie of him and his bear which made all of Grizz’s anxieties disappear because as long as he had Sam, nothing else mattered. Nothing else worried him. The other message was from Elle.

 

 **I won’t tell anyone. I promise. I’ll try with Campbell but you know no one has power over him.** – Elle.

 

 **Thank you. I’ll see you in English x** – Grizz.

 

Grizz shoved his phone in his pocket and reached in the back to get Grammy before he got out of the car. He let himself inside and the only thing he could hear was the dull roar of the television. Grizz followed the sound into the living room, only to find his dad in his usual recliner chair, fast asleep. There was an array of empty beer bottles surrounding him. A half empty one was in his hand, threatening to fall over.

 

As quietly as he could, Grizz went over and took the bottle from the man’s hand and placed it on the floor. His mom was nowhere in sight. He backtracked, heading to the kitchen, only to stop in his tracks when he flicked the light on. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head in annoyance because there were smashed plates and cups littering the floor. They had another fight.

 

Grizz tried not to think about it because there was nothing he could do to make them stop fighting. He just wished they would get a divorce already, but for some reason it was like his parents were comfortable like this, like they didn’t care that they were both miserable and hateful people.

 

Grizz went about cleaning up the mess, picking up the shards of glass and cheap porcelain from the ground, sweeping up the bits that were too small. Once he was done, he held Grammy’s arm tightly like a lifeline as he headed down the hall and stopped at his parent’s room. The door was already open and Grizz could see his mom knocked out on the bed. He could also see the bottle of vodka next to her.

 

His mom didn’t usually drink. There had only been the odd occasion where Grizz found her completely wasted and those times were usually after a really bad fight. Grizz went in closer, kneeling down on the ground right beside her. He put his fingers to her neck just to make sure she still had a pulse, and when he felt it, he relaxed a little, taking his hand away.

 

Grizz stood up and grabbed hold of the blanket at the end of the bed. He tossed it over his mom and got the pillow. He lifted her head gently before resting it down on the pillow. As he looked down at his mom, his heart broke a little, because she hadn’t always been like this. He hadn’t always hated her. In fact, he was sure a part of him still loved her and wanted the woman back that raised him and was happy and loving up until a certain point where things just started going bad for no real reason.

 

“Grizz?” the voice startled him. He looked down at his mom who had opened her eyes just a sliver and was looking back up at him.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. Go back to sleep,” he told her.

 

“Where’ve y’ been?” she slurred.

 

“School carnival. I told you this morning, remember?” he asked.

 

“Thought that finished at ten. What time ‘sit?” she asked.

 

“Just past eleven. I was with a friend,” Grizz admitted.

 

“Girlfriend?” she asked hopefully.

 

Grizz shook his head, “no.”

 

“Boyfrien’?

 

And then she was out again, eyes closed, body limp. Dead to the world. Grizz stood back and nodded before whispering, “yes mom. My boyfriend.”

 

Grizz left the room, quietly shutting the door. She was well and truly drunk, and the thing was, he didn’t hate his mom for it. How could he? He got drunk too when he was upset. That thought haunted Grizz, because what if he ended up like them? Drinking the pain away? Grizz swore in that moment that he’d never drink when he was upset again. Never. He couldn’t be like them.

 

He caught a glimpse of his dad in the living room as he headed down to his room and he almost couldn’t contain his hatred. He was the reason his mom wasn’t really his mom anymore. More often than not, he was the reason their household was an unhappy one. His mom could do so much better without his dad, and Grizz had told her that in the past too, but she claimed she loved him. She didn’t want change, and Grizz couldn’t do anything about that so he wouldn’t dwell on it any longer.

 

When Grizz got to his room he dumped Grammy on the bed, smiling at the thought of Sam winning it for him. Honestly, just thinking about Sam made everything so much better. It made him feel like he had a future out of this house with someone he loved. Despite his parent’s hatred from each other, he still really did believe in love and happy endings. It just took climbing a mountain to get there.

 

Grizz headed to the bathroom and showered quickly before going back to his room. He flopped himself down on the bed, crawling under the covers with Grammy pressed tightly to his bare chest. He smiled at the toy once more and took out his phone to take a quick selfie and sent it off to Sam. Less than a minute later he had a reply.

 

 **You’re so cute!** – Sam.

 

 **No, you are.** – Grizz.

 

 **:) Are you okay?** – Sam.

 

 **I’m fine. Just really tired.** – Grizz.

 

 **Go to sleep xxx** – Sam.

 

 **Okay. I’m kidnapping you tomorrow.** – Grizz.

 

 **Can’t wait xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx –** Sam.

 

Grizz put his phone on charge and flipped over in bed. He held Grammy closer and fell asleep, imagining that it was Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	19. Birthday sext

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18 recap: There was a school carnival and Grizz hung out with his friends. Clark tried to distract Grizz from Gwen by setting him up with Becca. Grizz rolled with it and went to hang with Becca and Sam. The boys won each other teddy bears. It was cute. Gwen joined them. Clark saw. Drama escalates. took Sam home. They kissed. Campbell and Elle saw. Campbell was nice. It was weird. And fake. Grizz went home and his parents had had a fight. His mom was drunk and passed out. Grizz loves his mom deep down but hates his dad. Poor Grizz.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead.

Grizz lay in his bed with his covers pulled up across his bare chest. He stared at the time in the corner of his phone and waited for it to tick over to the next day. The moment he did he opened his messages and quickly typed one out to Sam.

**Happy birthday!!!** – Grizz.

 

 **You stayed up until midnight to say that? –** Sam.

 

 **Yes??? So???? How does it feel to be an old man like me?** – Grizz.

 

 **I feel like I can go to adult prison now if I commit a crime.** – Sam.

 

 **Are you planning on committing a crime any time soon? –** Grizz.

**Maybe.** – Sam.

**Like what?** – Grizz.

**Stealing ur heart :P –** Sam.

**You already did that. –** Grizz.

**You’re sweet x –** Sam.

**Wish you were here.** – Grizz.

 

 **I’ll come over.** – Sam.

 

 **It’s midnight!!** – Grizz.

 

 **Putting my shoes on now!** – Sam.

 

 **Stop it. Get into bed!** – Grizz.

 

 **Your bed ;).** – Sam.

 

 **Shut up.** – Grizz.

 

 **Yes, sir** – Sam.

 

 **Don’t say that…** \- Grizz.

 

 **Why? Does it turn you on?** – Sam.

 

 **What if it does?** – Grizz.

 

 **Then I have A LOT of questions about your kinks. –** Sam.

**Go for it. –** Grizz.

**Fine. Are those handcuffs really for magic? –** Sam.

**They were. –** Grizz.

**Were?** – Sam.

**They could have other uses. Maybe. –** Grizz.

**Like? –** Sam.

**Don’t make me say it –** Grizz.

**Don’t get all shy on me now. –** Sam.

**I’m not. –** Grizz.

**Then tell me what you want to do with the handcuffs. –** Sam.

**I’m not saying anything about the handcuffs. –** Grizz **.**

**Then tell me something else. –** Sam.

**Like? –** Grizz.

**Like what else you’re into. –** Sam.

**Are you trying to sext with me? –** Grizz.

**Is that okay? –** Sam.

Grizz stared down at his phone and he didn’t believe it took him that long to realize where Sam was going with the conversation. His cheeks flushed red, and yeah, it wasn’t the first time he did this sort of thing. With the couple girls he did it with he was confused and wasn’t into it. He just thought it was something he had to do. Grizz took a steady breath before replying.

 

 **Yeah.** – Grizz.

 

 **Are you sure? –** Sam.

**Yes. Are you turned on right now?** – Grizz.

Grizz bit his bottom lip as nerves took over while he waited for a reply. Sam starting typing, those pesky little dots appearing at the bottom of Grizz’s phone screen before they disappeared. Grizz thought his heart had stopped. Maybe he was really bad at this. He knew sexting was cheesy at the best of times, and Grizz found it hard to be assertive around Sam because he liked him too damn much that he was always overthinking everything he said or did.

 

Before Grizz could dig himself further into his self-doubt, Sam sent him a picture. The moment Grizz saw it he almost went into cardiac arrest. Hot tingles ran through his body and his own cock hardened at lightning speed.

 

“Fuck…” Grizz whispered, because right there in front of him was a picture Sam had taken of himself. The picture showed his chest and stomach leading down his boxer shorts, and clear as day Grizz could see the bulge threatening to pop one of the buttons open. Sam’s hand was half way under the waistband of the boxers and the mere thought of Sam touching himself at that very second was enough to make Grizz want to come in his pants then and there.

 

Grizz couldn’t help it. His own hand went wandering under the covers, slipping under his sweats. He wrapped his hand around his width and gave a tug. He held back a moan as he stared at the picture and stroked himself, and fuck, he forgot to text Sam back.

 

 **Too much? –** Sam.

**Not enough. Fuck Sam. You’re so fucking hot! –** Grizz.

**I can send more. –** Sam.

**No. –** Grizz.

**Ok… -** Sam.

**No I mean no because first time I see u I want it to be in person. –** Grizz.

**I’ve already seen u.** – Sam.

**What? When? –** Grizz.

**Locker rooms. Accident. –** Sam.

**Sure, an “accident” –** Grizz.

**What, you’ve never accidentally caught a glimpse of someone? –** Sam.

**I make a point not to. Don’t wanna be caught for being gay. I’m dumb. –** Grizz.

**Ur not dumb. Ur cute. -** Sam.

**And you’re fucking hot so… -** Grizz.

**So what? –** Sam.

**So… -** Grizz.

**?? –** Sam **.**

**You make it really hard Sam.** – Grizz.

**Make you hard? ;) –** Sam **.**

**That…and it’s hard not jumping you whenever I see you. –** Grizz.

**I’m not stopping you. –** Sam.

**Next time I have you alone I swear to fucking God Sam… -** Grizz **.**

**Are you touching yourself? –** Sam **.**

**Yeah, you? –** Grizz **.**

**Have been since u freaked out over me calling you sir. –** Sam **.**

**You want that? –** Grizz.

**I want you. –** Sam.

**How bad? –** Grizz.

**If you’d let me send a picture I’d show you how bad. –** Sam.

**Fuck Sam. I’m so hard. –** Grizz.

**Wish I could help you out. –** Sam.

Grizz whimpered as he put his phone down for a second because he just couldn’t handle it. It was no secret that Sam turned him on, but actually talking to him about it, and Sam was touching himself? Grizz wanted more than anything too be in Sam’s bed with him. He knew he couldn’t hold out on the physical side of things much longer, and why should he have to? To establish an emotional connection? They already had that!

 

Grizz was rock hard in his hand. He hadn’t been this turned on since, well, since he and Sam made out in his car the other night. He always tried to hold back though. Now? Now he was so damn close to exploding and there was nothing holding him back.

 

Grizz picked his phone back up and typed out a reply, which wasn’t that easy to do because his hands were shaking.

 

 **I want tht so fuckin bad. –** Grizz.

**Back to next time u get me alone. What r u gonna do to me? –** Sam.

**Im gonna make u come. –** Grizz.

**How? –** Sam.

**Gonna touch u –** Grizz.

**Where? –** Sam.

**Where do u want? –** Grizz.

**I want your fingers in me. –** Sam.

**Fuck Sam im gonna come. –** Grizz.

**Come for me baby. –** Sam.

**r u close? –** Grizz.

**Yeah –** Sam.

**I wanna be there. –** Grizz.

**I want u here. Id blow u so hard… -** Sam.

Grizz was done. He couldn’t hold back and it was almost embarrassing how quickly he came just from a few choice words from Sam. He blew his load in his sweatpants, biting back a moan. It was hot and sticky, a total mess, but he didn’t care because that was the hardest he had ever orgasmed in his entire life.

 

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered and through blurry vision looked at his phone.

 

 **Where’d u go? –** Sam.

**Fuck. Sorry. I just came so fucking hard because of you. –** Grizz.

**Already??? –** Sam.

**Yeah… -** Grizz.

Grizz panicked for a moment before less than thirty seconds later he got another picture, this time just of Sam’s stomach covered in a suspicious white substance, and Grizz’s head was spinning. He didn’t for a second think their conversation would lead there but he was glad it did.

 

 **Same. –** Sam.

**You’re gonna be the death of me. –** Grizz.

**I don’t want a dead boyfriend.** – Sam.

 

 **Same. –** Grizz.

**This conversation just turned morbid. –** Sam.

**Ur fault. –** Grizz.

Grizz got out of bed just long enough to clean himself up before crawling back under the covers. He was so relaxed and his entire body felt heavy, but weightless at the same time. He rolled onto his side and stared at his phone, waiting for Sam to text.

 

 **Happy birthday to me.** – Sam.

**Glad you had a good start.** – Grizz.

**I did.** – Sam.

 **Can’t wait to see you later today** – Sam.

 **Hello?** – Sam.

 **U fall asleep?** – Sam.

**Sorry. I’m here. Sleepy. Real sleepy.** – Grizz.

**Good to know you get tired after coming.** – Sam.

**Don’t you?** – Grizz

**Sometimes.** – Sam.

**Ur cute.** – Grizz.

**Get some sleep baby xx** – Sam.

**Love u.** – Grizz.

**I know. Goodnight x.** – Sam.

**\---**

 

Love u? _Love u?!_  Grizz couldn’t believe it. He opened the last text from Sam since he had fallen asleep right before getting the goodnight message and, seriously? Grizz confessed his love in a text that he could barely even remember?

 

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck,” Grizz sat in his car in the school parking lot and he had only just looked at his phone for the first time that morning.

 

Okay, alright, maybe, just maybe it wasn’t a big deal, Grizz thought. Maybe Sam took it as a casual ‘love u’, the same way he probably told Becca he loves her. At least Grizz didn’t say he was _in love_ with Sam, because that would be insane given the amount of time they had been officially together. Then again, Grizz had already slipped up once about his stronger than normal feelings for Sam.

 

 _I know._ That was Sam’s response. I know? He knows? Of course he knew. Grizz wasn’t very subtle, but maybe he was expecting a little more from Sam. Or not so much as expecting, but hoping. Grizz groaned and hit his head on the steering wheel.

 

“Why, why, why? You’re such a fucking desperado,” Grizz whined to himself. He leant back and tried to get himself together because he had to go inside sooner or later. He didn’t want to be this person who had an anxiety attack every time the smallest ting happened. That wasn’t who Grizz usually was.

 

“It’s fine. You’re fine,” Grizz told himself, and then he got out of his car.

 

Walking up to the school, Grizz found himself wanting to seek out Gwen because he really needed a bit of advice, or at least to see if his behaviour towards Sam was normal. He hadn’t been in a relationship before, and neither had Sam, so he didn’t really know how fast was too fast, or how slow was too slow, or maybe he and Sam were at the exact pace they needed to be. He did, however wonder if Sam had the same thoughts, but he doubted it. Sam always seemed so chilled, like he never had an ounce of anxiety running through his veins.

 

Grizz entered the busy hall and headed towards his locker. Just like he did every morning, he searched for Sam, and just like every morning, Sam was at his locker with Becca. Grizz chewed on his bottom lip as he remembered what they had done at midnight. He had the pictures Sam sent him saved on his phone, and he wasn’t sure if it was wrong of him to keep them.

 

Sam’s eyes locked with Grizz as he got closer. He had no intentions of going over and talking to Sam. Sometimes he did go and say hi, but after the texts they exchanged with each other, Grizz was surprised he could even look Sam in the eye, because he was feeling so damn shy about it all, and Grizz had never been shy about sexual things, at least not with the few girls he slept with. Everything was so different with Sam.

 

Sam smiled at him, and Grizz felt his entire body relax. The tight feeling in his chest disappeared and he figured he could go on for the rest of the day not in a constant state of worry. Grizz gave Sam a small smile as he walked past, heading off further down the hallway. A moment later his phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

 **Where’s my present!!?** – Sam.

 

 **At home. You’ll get it tonight.** – Grizz.

 

 **I expect diamond rings.** – Sam.

 

 **I’m not proposing.** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m shocked since u love me so much.** – Sam.

 

Grizz stopped in his tracks. He didn’t know what to say to that. Sam was teasing him because, well, that was all Sam did, and Grizz supposed it was a good thing that Sam was making light of Grizz’s impulsive text. Maybe he wasn’t weirded out after all. Grizz sent Sam a few finger emojis before pocketing his phone.

 

Grizz saw Gwen up ahead taking her first period books out of her locker. He glanced around, making sure Clark wasn’t in sight because he didn’t feel like the drama today, before heading over to her.

 

“Hey,” Grizz greeted. Gwen looked up at him, smiling brightly.

 

“Morning Grizzy bear,” she said cheerfully.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” Grizz got to the point.

 

“Go hard.”

 

“When did you first tell Clark you love him?” Grizz asked.

 

Gwen frowned as she snapped her locker shut and turned to Grizz, shrugging, “never.”

 

“Never?”

 

“Yeah, I never loved him, so I never told him,” Gwen said.

 

“Okay, well…did he ever say it to you?” Grizz asked.

 

“All the time. Mostly when he wanted sex, or right after sex,” she laughed.

 

“This is not helpful,” Grizz sighed, because what he wanted was for Gwen to tell him she confessed her love in an embarrassingly short amount of time so he could stop fretting about it.

 

“Why are you asking?” Gwen said then her look of suspicion turned to one off shock, “did you tell Sam you love him?”

 

“What? No. That’d be dumb,” Grizz said quickly and quietly, his eyes darting around to make sure no one was listening in on them.

 

“Oh my God, you did!” Gwen hit his shoulder.

 

“Nope. Don’t know what you’re talking about. Gotta go,” Grizz spoke lightning fast and then he was out off there, rushing off down the hall before Gwen could even think about chasing after him.

 

So, Gwen was a fail, and she was probably going to make fun of him for the rest of the day, but he could deal with that. Grizz was going for option ‘B’. He knew it was a little risky bringing this sort of topic up with Luke, but Grizz had an easy out, so he wasn’t too worried as he caught up with him outside their Chemistry classroom right before the bell rang.

 

“Luke, hey,” Grizz got his attention. Luke had been leaning against the wall, waiting for class to start, and was looking down at his phone. He turned his attention to Grizz, giving a smile.  

 

“Hey, man. How you doin’?” Luke asked.

 

“Super. Uh, I have a question, just before we head in,” Grizz said.

 

“Hit me.”

 

“How long did it take you before telling Helena you love her?” Grizz asked.

 

“Hmm, first date,” Luke admitted.

 

“Wow, fuck. Really?” Grizz said with a snicker that he tried to hold back, but it came out anyway.

 

“Yeah, it was super embarrassing,” Luke laughed along.

 

“Did she say it back?” Grizz asked.

 

“No, she said ‘thank you’.”

 

“Ooh, ouch. That’s gotta hurt, man,” Grizz grimaced, and he wondered what was worse; ‘thank you’, or ‘I know’.

 

“It did, but she said it eventually. So, it’s all good,” Luke shrugged.

 

Grizz nodded slowly. So, Luke was just as pathetic as Grizz. He fell for someone in practically no time at all, just as Grizz had. And Helena hadn’t quite been at the same level, just like Sam. Perhaps Grizz had been over-reacting after all.

 

“Why do you ask?” Luke asked.

 

“It’s for a novel I’m writing,” Grizz lied quickly. Real smooth.

 

“Really? What’s it about?” Luke asked.

 

Fuck.

 

“Uh, that’s top secret, obviously. A writer never gives up the plot before publication,” Grizz said.

 

Good save.

 

“Sure it is,” Luke eyed Grizz sceptically. Not such a good save after all.

 

“Yeah, anyway, time for chemistry. Yay chemistry,” Grizz said awkwardly and looked to the door of their classroom, only to see it still closed, and Mr. Michaels was very strict about students not entering the classroom before he did.

 

Grizz faced Luke again, only to see him with this big, goofy smile on his face.

 

“What? Why are you smiling like a creepy clown?” Grizz asked.

 

“No reason,” Luke said, but that smile was still there.

 

Grizz just let the conversation go because they were drifting into dangerous territory and he didn’t like the knowing look that Luke was giving him. Just like he had with most of his interactions with Luke lately, he pretended nothing had happened and tried to go about his day as normal.

 

\---

 

The sun had set not too long ago, and Grizz and Sam drove along the familiar dirt road that led up to the river. They hadn’t spoken yet since it was too dark to. Grizz received a quick kiss on the lips when he picked Sam up from his house, and that was the only interaction, other than the hand that rested comfortably on Grizz’s thigh.

 

Grizz was only a little nervous. He was a fan of romantic gestures but he was borderline being cheesy tonight. He just hoped Sam liked the little set-up he had planned out. He hoped he liked the dumb presents he got him, even if they’re not much since he didn’t have a whole lot of money.

 

Grizz pulled up to their usual spot, and just like normal there were no other cars or people around. That was why Grizz liked that spot so much, even before he started coming out with Sam. It was basically unheard of, like his own little parallel universe where no one and nothing else existed.

 

Grizz killed the engine and switched on the interior light. He glanced at Sam who was looking back at him curiously. Grizz didn’t say a thing. He leant over to Sam and opened the glove box, taking out a strip of material. It was his scout neckerchief. He handed it to Sam who took it with a more than confused look on his face.

 

“Never thought I’d get to see this again,” Sam said.

 

“Put it on as a blindfold. I have to set up and you can’t see yet,” Grizz said.

 

 “Kinky,” Sam commented.

 

“Just put it on. I’ll be like three minutes,” Grizz said.

 

“So… I can’t hear or see?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz deflated a little because fuck, he hadn’t thought of that and now he felt like an insensitive bastard.

 

“Oh. Fuck. Sorry. You know what, never mind. It’s cool,” Grizz said and went to take the neckerchief back but Sam stopped him, pushing his wrist away.

 

“I’m fucking with you. I trust you,” Sam said.

 

Grizz relaxed a little as Sam placed the material over his own eyes and tied it at the back of his head.

 

“Are the handcuffs coming out next? Because that’d be okay,” Sam said.

 

Grizz slapped him on the shoulder lightly before placing a quick kiss on his cheek. Grizz didn’t want Sam to sit there blindfolded for too long, so he got out of the car and rushed around to the trunk, opening it. He looked down at the array of supplies he needed to try and make Sam’s birthday at least somewhat memorable. And he wondered if he was being too romantic and if Sam would freak out, especially after the ‘love u’ text debacle. Grizz tried not to think about that and got to work.

 

Grizz took probably just a little longer than three minutes but every time he looked back Sam was just sitting there patiently. By the time Grizz was done, he was actually a little proud of his work. He had set up a fire, and it was a pretty good one too, at least good enough to light up the area enough so he and Sam could talk.

 

Grizz had also laid out a picnic blanket covered in blankets and pillows because the air was a little cool and Sam got cold easily. On the blanket was also the small picnic basket which Grizz had melted chocolate and strawberries inside. Next to that were the couple presents he had for Sam too.

 

“I’m getting bored!” Sam called out. Grizz rolled his eyes and jogged back over to the car. He opened the passenger side door, and Sam must have felt it because his head turned in Grizz’s direction. Grizz reached out and gently touched Sam’s shoulder first so he’d know he was there, and then he untied the neckerchief. Sam’s bluer than blue eyes were straight on Grizz’s the moment he could see again.

 

“Thank you for your patience. Sort of,” Grizz said and held out his hand for Sam to take. The other boy did so and Grizz led him out from the car. Grizz took him around the other side and then those blue eyes were flickering in the light of the fire.

 

Grizz kept his clammy hand around Sam’s as he anxiously watched Sam, waiting for a reaction. Sam was going to think this was all lame. Grizz knew it. Grizz was wrong though, because soon a cheeky little smirk appeared on Sam’s face.

 

“Well fuck, you are proposing, aren’t you?” Sam asked, looking up at him.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz knocked against his shoulder.

 

“Sorry. This is amazing, Grizz. Really,” Sam said, gesturing to the set-up.

 

“It’s not too much?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam smiled and shook his head, “no. You’re amazing.”

 

“You’re worth it,” Grizz said.

 

Sam’s smile grew wider before he stood on his toes to reach up and catch Grizz’s lips with his. Grizz, well, Grizz could’ve stood there all night kissing Sam, but he didn’t want to get too carried away, so he pulled back.

 

“Come sit. I’ve got strawberries and chocolate,” Grizz said.

 

“How romantic,” Sam said.

 

Grizz merely blushed, not commenting on Sam’s comment. The two of them went over and made themselves comfortable in the middle of the picnic blanket. They sat close. Not close enough for Grizz’s liking, but close enough that they were touching.

 

“Can you see me talking in this light?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam smiled and nodded, “yeah. You’re easy to read. Just try and sign a little?”

 

‘Always,’ Grizz signed.

 

“What’s with the plant?” Sam asked as his eyes landed on one of the presents Grizz had for him. Grizz turned his attention to the potted plant as well. It was an orchid. It had four stems and an array of purple flowers littering the tips of each one.

 

“Oh, that’s for you,” Grizz said when Sam looked back to him.

 

“You bought me a love orchid?” Sam asked.

 

“No, no, I didn’t buy it. I’ve been growing it and looking after it for a little while, and now it’s yours. I still have one the same in my garden at home,” Grizz said.

 

“Aww, you’re going to make such a good housewife one day,” Sam teased.

 

“Okay, first, that’s sexist. Second, now who’s the one proposing?” Grizz accused.

 

“I never said you’d be a housewife to me,” Sam pointed out.

 

“Fine, then you can just be my piece on the side,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“I can work with that.”

 

Sam kissed Grizz again and Grizz felt like it was his own birthday. Every moment around Sam actually felt like Christmas morning. Grizz pulled back once more because he was sure if he really got into kissing Sam then he might not be able to stop, and Sam still had another present.  Grizz pulled back, giving Sam a little nudge since the other boy tried to go in for another kiss.

 

“Just wait, there’s another present too. I’m not really good with thinking of presents but…” Grizz trailed off as he picked up the other present which was a little messily wrapped. Sam smiled like an excited toddler, making grabby hands as Grizz handed it to him.

 

Grizz watched on, loving every single expression Sam’s face made as he opened the present and laid eyes on what it was. It wasn’t anything expensive, but it was all Grizz could think of to get him without going too over the top. The first thing Sam picked out of the package was a batman hoodie. Sam beamed, looking up at Grizz.

 

“Thank you. I love batman,” Sam gushed.

 

“I know. You have like three posters in your room,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s so soft too,” Sam rubbed the material on his face, and Grizz just thought that was the cutest thing ever.

 

“I figured you’re in desperate need for a hoodie because you usually never have one and end up cold,” Grizz explained.

 

“I do that on purpose so you’ll warm me up,” Sam admitted.

 

“Seriously?” Grizz laughed, and Sam nodded. “Well, all you had to do was ask.”

 

“Won’t need to now because I have this,” Sam held up the hoodie.

 

“I regret it now,” Grizz mumbled.

 

Sam just laughed and placed the hoodie down, folded neatly. Grizz just noticed that Sam was only wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt. Maybe he really did forget a sweater on purpose. The fire would be enough to them warm though.

 

Sam looked down at the last item that had been wrapped up. He picked up the second hoodie, one that would be a little oversized for Sam’s skinny frame, at least compared to Grizz’s. Sam looked to Grizz with a frown.

 

“This one’s yours,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah, but I like how it looks on you,” Grizz said. There were a few times recently where Grizz gave up his own warmth because Sam ‘forgot a hoodie’.

 

“Smells like you,” Sam said.

 

“You’re a creep,” Grizz joked.

 

Sam nodded in agreement before slipping the hoodie on. And yeah, Grizz was right, he looked _really_ good wearing Grizz’s clothes. Really fucking good. The next minute Sam pounced on Grizz, knocking him over onto his back, the blow only being cushioned by a couple pillows. Grizz couldn’t help but giggle as Sam began attacking him with kisses all over his face. He got to Grizz’s lips and kissed them firmly before pulling back, but staying on top of him.

 

“Thank you for the presents,” Sam said.

 

“You’re welcome,” Grizz said right back. Sam kissed him again, letting his lips linger for just a few moments longer than before. Grizz indulged in those moments, loving the feel of Sam on top of him, and the tranquillity of being in the middle of nowhere where no one could bother them. All too soon, Sam pulled back and got off Grizz. Grizz sat up too, running his fingers through his messy hair.

 

“Okay, so, do you like strawberries?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Great, because that’s mostly what I got. And white and dark chocolate because I don’t know which you like,” Grizz said.  

 

“Both.”

 

Grizz flipped open the picnic basket and watched as Sam reached for a strawberry and dipped it in the container of white chocolate. He ate it slowly and Grizz’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, because was Sam making it look that fucking hot on purpose?

 

“You’re not supposed to do it so seductively,” Grizz accused, and Sam just grinned before he got another, only this time he wasn’t so subtle. He licked the chocolate off, swirling his tongue around the fruit before gently taking a bite, all the while keeping his eyes locked on Grizz.

 

Grizz shook his head and looked away. He couldn’t handle that. He just couldn’t. Sam just laughed at him, and Grizz distracted himself by having his own strawberry, knowing that he probably didn’t look even nearly as good eating it as Sam did.

 

“Sexy,” Sam said, and Grizz turned back to Sam with a sigh.

 

“You know, you’re very forward for a virgin,” Grizz said.

 

“Is that an insult?” Sam asked, and Grizz could tell the question was genuine. Grizz knew there was nothing wrong with being a virgin, in fact, Grizz wished he was a virgin himself. He wished he hadn’t slept with the girls that he had, but he couldn’t exactly take that back.

 

“No, no. I’m just saying. You’re very forward, and like, not shy, at all,” Grizz said.  

 

“Do you hate it?” Sam asked.

 

“No. It kills me sometimes, but no,” Grizz said.

 

“Sorry. I guess I’m just excited. I always thought I wouldn’t get a boyfriend until college which is over a year away,” Sam said.

 

“Big mood.”

 

“Yeah. And like…try going eighteen years and not having any kind of sexual contact or even really kissing someone and then all of a sudden there’s this hot football player being dangled in front of your face,” Sam said.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz’s cheeks burned. He couldn’t handle compliments from Sam.

 

“And I trust you,” Sam went on, “I’m comfortable around you. And I know how much you like me and I guess it makes me more confident to say and do the things I do.”

 

And wow, that was really honest. And that was the second time that night Sam had said he trusted Grizz, and somehow that comment meant more than the missing ‘I love you too’ that Grizz had hoped for.

 

“I’m really glad you feel that way around me,” Grizz said with a shy smile and Sam smiled back, making Grizz’s heart fill with warmth.

 

“Yeah, I just…” Sam stopped, his smile dropping a little. He shook his head and looked down, but Grizz wasn’t having any of that. He brought his fingers to Sam’s chin and made him look back up.

 

“Just what?” Grizz asked.

 

“I just,” Sam took Grizz’s hand, lacing their fingers together, “kind of wish you were a bit more forward with me.”

 

“I am forward with you. I told you I love you in a text, didn’t I?” Grizz said, and he mentally slapped himself for bringing it up.

 

“You did,” Sam grinned, his eyes sparkling with amusement. Grizz was glad he found it so funny. Grizz on the other hand wanted to backtrack.

 

“Yeah, uhm…about that…it, uh, it wasn’t really, like, serious. I didn’t mean to send it like that,” Grizz said.

 

“So, you don’t love me?” Sam asked.

 

“No. I mean, yes. What?” Grizz had confused himself. All Sam did though was smile fondly and lean over to press their lips together. Grizz felt the tension in his body release, even if only a little. Sam had such a way of making him feel at ease. He also had a way of teasing the shit out of Grizz, and no moment could stay serious enough with Sam in the picture.

 

“I bet you’re the kind of guy who professes his love during sex. Or cries afterwards,” Sam joked when his lips left Grizz’s.

 

“I’ll only cry because you’re bullying me,” Grizz complained.  

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said and blessed Grizz with another quick kiss. Sam stayed close as he played with the strings on Grizz’s hoodie. Grizz couldn’t figure out what was going through Sam’s head in that moment, but for once he seemed just a little shy.

 

“I meant psychically forward, by the way,” Sam said.

 

“I know,” Grizz nodded, “I’m just scared I’m gonna fuck it up.”

 

“How?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ll probably do something wrong, like I won’t make you feel good,” Grizz said.

 

“Nothing you could do to me would ever feel wrong,” Sam said.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. Unless you got some kind of weird fetish for beating up guys in bed,” Sam said thoughtfully.

 

“I’d never hit you,” Grizz said.

 

“What about spank me?” Sam teased.

 

“Oh my God, shut up,” Grizz laughed.

 

“Make me,” Sam challenged. And Grizz took the bait, hook, line and sinker. He pressed his lips against Sam’s and the two of them were quick to topple over onto their sides. Grizz wrapped his hand around the back of Sam’s neck, his fingers playing with his short hair. Sam tasted so good, the mixture of white cholate, strawberries and Sam’s usual taste filling Grizz’s senses.

 

They stayed that way for a while, just making out, tasting each other, touching each other innocently, and with the conversation they just had, Grizz didn’t want to make it seem like he was proving a point by taking things further, so he kept things PG. Grizz sighed as his lips left Sam’s. He buried his face in Sam’s neck, kissing it lightly. God, he could just stay that way, wrapped up with Sam, forever.

 

“Stars are pretty tonight,” Sam spoke as he shifted onto his back.

 

Grizz kissed Sam’s cheek before rolling onto his back too, keeping his head rested on Sam’s shoulder. He looked up at the million sparkling dots in the sky and in that moment, Grizz’s life was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to whoever is still here reading this. I love you ALL and ya'll make my day tbh.


	20. High school drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19 recap: It was Sam's 18th birthday and Grizz helped him celebrate by sexting , accidentally telling him he loved him, and planing a night out under the stars where they were cute and shit.

When Grizz saw Sam the morning after his birthday at school, leant against his locker, wearing the Batman hoodie Grizz had bought him, he couldn’t help but to head over to at least say hello. He snuck up behind Becca, and Sam, who had noticed Grizz, pretended he hadn’t when Grizz put his finger to his lips. Grizz crept up, feeling a bit mischievous and playful because, well, he was in a really good mood.

 

“Boo!” Grizz shouted in Becca’s ear. The tiny girl jumped a mile and turned around, hitting Grizz’s chest before she even saw it was him.

 

“You jerk!” Becca swatted his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz laughed, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

 

“I actually hate you,” Becca sneered, narrowing her eyes.

 

Grizz glanced up at Sam who was smiling wide at their shenanigans.

 

‘She hates me,’ Grizz signed.

 

“I don’t blame her,” Sam said.

 

“I almost peed my pants,” Becca told Grizz before turning her back on him.

 

“You can’t hate me forever,” Grizz said as he wrapped his arms around her neck. He rested his chin on her head because Becca was so far on the short side that he could do that. Or maybe he was just tall.  

 

“Nice hoodie,” Grizz said.

 

“Thanks, my boyfriend got it for me,” Sam beamed.

 

“He sounds like a catch,” Grizz played along, making sure there was no one listening in, but part of him didn’t even care that much if they were.

 

“He’s alright, I guess,” Sam shrugged.

 

“Oh God, could you two stop _flirting_ ,” Becca whispered as she signed, “it’s bad enough I had to endure the flood of texts about your amazing romantic night last night.”

 

“Becca!” Sam scolded.

 

“Oh really?” Grizz grinned so hard his cheeks hurt, “there were texts, huh?”

 

“No,” Sam shook his head.

 

“You like me,” Grizz teased.

 

“Nope. Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sam said.

 

“Stop. Stop it. I’m happy for you both, but do you know how insensitive it is doing this around lonely single people?” Becca asked.

 

“You wanted us together,” Sam said.

 

“Yes, and it’s cute as shit, but it’s gross,” Becca said.

 

“Sorry, we’ll stop,” Grizz said.

 

“I won’t,” Sam said and bit his bottom lip, and Grizz had to get out off there before he just grabbed Sam and kissed him.

 

“I’m going to class,” Grizz spoke as he dropped his hold on Becca.

 

“Early? Nerd,” Sam said.

 

Grizz glared at him, but he couldn’t help but break into a smile. Grizz turned to Becca and kissed her cheek.

 

“That’s for you,” Grizz said, then kissed her cheek again, “and give that one to Sam.”

 

“This is a whole new level of using me,” Becca grumbled.

 

“Deal with it. See you guys later,” Grizz said and with one last glance at Sam he headed off down the hall.

 

Grizz couldn’t stop smiling. He was on top of the world and Sam was right there next to him. Their night last night was one of the best they ever had. They stared at the stars, kissed lazily and talked about anything and everything. It was so relaxing and Grizz really didn’t want to have to take Sam home once it was getting a little too late, but of course he had to. The only thing that made taking Sam home okay was knowing that if they wanted to do that exact same thing again that night, then they could. Having a boyfriend was the best thing Grizz had ever done.

 

Grizz felt invincible. Untouchable. Like nothing could ruin the way he felt in that exact moment, not even Clark and his moodiness. Not even pointless high school drama meant a single thing to him at that point. Or at least, Grizz _thought_ nothing could knock him down. He _thought_ he didn’t have a single care in the world. He thought wrong.

 

On the way to his first class, as he leisurely strolled down the hall, he wasn’t paying too much attention to what was going on around him. That was why when a pair of hands grabbed hold of his shoulders and pushed him into the nearby boy’s bathroom, he stumbled and fell to his knees.

 

“Hey, what the fuck?!” Grizz yelled.

 

He turned and from his spot on the floor he saw two people. One, a confused freshman. And two, Campbell.

 

“Get the fuck out, kid,” Campbell said to the freshman who promptly scampered off. Grizz was just as confused as the freshman had been, because what the hell could Campbell possibly want from him? He had been steering clear of him as much as he could.

 

“The fuck do you want?” Grizz spat venomously as he got to his feet.

 

“Woah, buddy, let’s just take a breath and calm ourselves down, okay?” Campbell said, and how was Grizz supposed to stay calm? Especially when the other boy dropped a door stopper on the floor and shoved it under the door. Grizz wasn’t going to let Campbell scare him though.

 

“What do you want, Campbell?” Grizz asked slower, but firmer. He held the straps on his backpack tightly, forcing himself to not just knock Campbell out then and there.

 

“I just want to have a chat, that’s all,” the other boy said, his voice smoother than honey.

 

“There’s nothing I have to say to you, so I can’t imagine what you’d have to say to me,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, on the contrary, dear Gareth. We have plenty to talk to each other about, given our new mutual interest,” Campbell said. And what the fuck? Was this a business meeting?

 

“What? Sam? What about him?” Grizz asked.

 

“You know, when I saw you two out the front of our house the other night, I gotta say I was a little surprised,” Campbell said in his typical amused tone. Everything was always a game to him, and Grizz could see it in his eyes. Grizz also didn’t have the patience for Campbell, especially if he was going to start messing with Sam too. Grizz wouldn’t put up with that.

 

“I mean,” Campbell went on, “I felt like there could’ve been something going on but I never _really_ knew, ya know?”

 

“Well now you do. Congrats,” Grizz said.  

 

“No, congratulations to you. Aren’t new relationships just so…exciting?” Campbell said, and Grizz wasn’t buying it.

 

“Sure.”

 

“I know when I first got with Elle, all I wanted to do was hold her hand down the halls and show her off to everyone. I just wanted to scream it from the rooftops that I love Elle Tomkins,” Campbell proclaimed. The theatrics were not lost on Grizz. He stayed there, unmoving.

 

“Lucky her,” Grizz mocked.

 

“Yeah, but I just can’t help but notice that you and Sammy have gone a different route. It’s almost as if you wanna keep it a secret,” Campbell pondered. And there it was. That was what Grizz had been fearing all along, that Campbell would do this, threaten this. But his hatred for Campbell was winning over his anxiety in that moment. He didn’t want to crumble in front of him.

 

“What do you want?” Grizz asked.

 

“It’s simple, really. All I want you to do is make him fall in love with you. And I’m talking, like, head over heels would die for you kind of love,” Campbell said. And, what?

 

“Okay?”

 

“And then!” Campbell went on, practically bouncing in his spot, “I’m gonna need you to break his heart.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me. I want you to build him up and tear him right back down. Shatter him,” Campbell said, and the amusement wasn’t there in his eyes anymore. He was dead serious.  

 

“Fuck you, Campbell. There’s no fucking way I’m doing that,” Grizz argued.

 

“You might want to reconsider that attitude, Grizzy.”

 

“Why are you doing this? Why would you want to hurt your own brother that badly?” Grizz asked, because he really didn’t understand.

 

“Trust me, he’ll be fine. He has everything he could ever want. He can do without you,” Campbell said bitterly. That was when it clicked in Grizz’s brain that Campbell was jealous of Sam, but why? Campbell lived in the exact same household. They had the same parents. The same upbringing. If anything, Sam had a _harder_ life than Campbell. Grizz truly didn’t understand what Sam could’ve possibly done to make Campbell to hate him so much. Campbell’s motive didn’t matter to Grizz though. What Campbell was asking was insane, and he wasn’t going to do it.

 

 “There’s no way I’m hurting him,” Grizz said defiantly.  

 

Campbell just put that smirk back on his face before asking, “Do you have Facebook, Grizz?”

 

Grizz didn’t answer.

 

“I do. And I have almost every single student here on my friend’s list. All it’d take is one little status update for your secret to be public knowledge,” Campbell said.

 

Blackmail. Grizz knew it was coming to that, and yeah, Grizz was scared as hell, but his stone cold face didn’t falter as he stepped towards Campbell and with all the courage his could muster up, he challenged him.

 

“Do it. I dare you.”

 

And then Grizz pushed past him, kicking the door stopper out of the way before storming from the bathroom, back down the hall towards class. Grizz was fuming. He couldn’t stop trembling, even as he shook out his hands and took the deep breaths he knew he was supposed to when a panic attack was coming on.

 

Don’t let him get to you, is what Grizz told himself on repeat, over and over like a chant. He couldn’t let Campbell of all people get to him. He wouldn’t. More than anything he was just so angry. Angry that there was someone out there who wanted to hurt Sam. Physical or mental, it didn’t matter. Campbell wanted to hurt Sam, and if he ever did, Grizz might just kill him.

 

Grizz was on autopilot as he entered the Chemistry classroom after the final bell had sounded. Great, he had planned to be early and instead ended up late. He bypassed the teacher and took his usual spot next to Luke.

 

“Strike one, Mr. Visser. Don’t let it happen again,” Mr. Michaels said.

 

“Sorry, sir,” Grizz mumbled.

 

Mr. Michaels turned back to the whiteboard and continued writing his notes. Grizz let out a breath and dug around in his bag for his things. He could feel Luke’s eyes on him, but Grizz was almost at breaking point and he couldn’t talk to his best friend about.

 

“You alright?” Luke leant over and whispered.

 

Grizz couldn’t formulate a single word to reply, because he wasn’t alright. He was going to explode with how not alright he was in that moment. Grizz just waved him off, not willing to communicate with him anymore, and it was funny how you could think you were in control of your emotions until the moment someone questions you about them, and all you want to do was lose it.

 

Grizz kept his eyes down on his text book as he tried to distract himself, and thankfully Luke didn’t speak to him again for the entire lesson. Grizz sat there and for half the time he paid attention to what Mr. Michaels was saying, and the other half he had his phone under the desk, checking his Facebook feed, but there was nothing from Campbell. Not a single word.

 

The bell rang all too soon and Grizz piled his books back into his backpack and got up, along with the rest of the class. He only took one step when Luke stopped him, standing in his way.

 

“Hey, seriously, what’s going on?” Luke asked.

 

“What? Nothing. Nothing’s going on.”

 

“I’m practically absorbing your anxiety. What’s up?” Luke asked again.

 

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Grizz dismissed him.

 

“You can talk to me, Grizz. About anything,” Luke said a little quieter, and Grizz couldn’t help but roll his eyes, because seriously? How many more times did Grizz have to say ‘nothing’ before Luke got it through his head?

 

“I don’t want to deal with this right now. Just leave me alone, okay?” Grizz snapped, and he didn’t wait for a response before heading off.

 

And sure, Grizz felt bad for snapping at Luke, but he was on the edge. He was trying so hard to talk himself down, to stop himself from slipping into the all too familiar paranoia and anxiety that could be all consuming. Grizz didn’t want that. He was trying so fucking hard to not be that person.

 

The next few classes went pretty much the same for Grizz. He half paid attention and half scrolled though Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat, just waiting for Campbell to say something. It never came though. And the few hours Grizz had between his confrontation with Campbell and lunch time was enough for him to successfully talk himself down.

 

Nothing had changed. If Campbell wanted to tell people, then he would’ve done it already. He could do it whether Grizz broke Sam’s heart or not, and there was no way Grizz was going to break Sam’s heart. It was Campbell’s word against his anyway. Grizz didn’t like using his popularity against anyone, but he _was_ popular. Luke was king of the school. Clark, Jason, Gwen and Helena were so well loved by everyone. They’d have his back and they could all just call Campbell a liar and everyone would believe them. These were the things Grizz was telling himself over and over again.

 

By the time Grizz walked into the cafeteria, he felt a little better. He had been so consumed by this shit with Campbell that he had sort of forgotten that he and Clark weren’t exactly on the best of terms. He had told himself yesterday that he was going to spend his lunch break in the library, after a more than awkward lunch break that included every single one of his friends sitting there in silence, all very aware that Clark was pissed at Grizz.

 

Grizz wasn’t really thinking too much as he sat down next to Jason. Luke, Helena and Gwen were across from them, and it didn’t take long for Grizz to notice the weird atmosphere. That was when Grizz realized Clark wasn’t with them.

 

“Hey, guys,” Grizz spoke cautiously, because why the hell were they all acting so weird? Well, Gwen wasn’t. Gwen was chowing down on sushi without a care in the world.

  
“Hey,” they all said back in some form. Jason and Helena were giving him wary glances. Luke, well, Luke had his head down. Fuck. Luke was mad. Grizz knew it. And Luke probably told the others.

 

“Luke,” Grizz said. Luke looked up, raised eyebrows. “Dude, I’m sorry about before.”

 

“What?” Luke seemed genuinely confused.

 

“Chemistry. Sorry, I was a dick,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, right. It’s cool,” Luke said.

 

Grizz just nodded, and that was usually the extent of the minor arguments he and Luke would have every now and again. They didn’t stay mad for long. Grizz thought that would kill the tension, but Helena and Jason were still giving him funny looks.

 

“What’s going on?” Grizz asked.

 

“Uhm…” Helena started as she glanced around at the others for help.

 

“So, the thing is,” Jason began, and he too gave up. Grizz was beginning to lose his patience. And for a moment, he thought maybe Campbell did it. Maybe he had told people.

 

“Clark’s making the moves on Becca,” Gwen said bluntly, “and they think you’re gonna be, like, super pissed at him.”

 

What? Becca and Clark? Sure enough, over at Becca’s regular table, there she was with Clark, just the two of them. Clark was sitting close to her, and Grizz knew that look. He had seen Clark chat up a lot of girls both before he was with Gwen, and after, plus the way he still tried to hit on Gwen. He was flirting with Becca. That much was obvious. And Becca? Well, Becca was just sitting there, _and_ talking back to him, _and_ she was _smiling_. What the fuck?

 

Grizz quickly scanned the cafeteria, searching for Sam, and he found him, sitting with Gordie, Kelly and some others. Their eyes connected like Sam was waiting for him to notice him. Grizz cast a questioning look, and all Sam did was shrug. He had no clue what was going on either.

 

“Are you mad?” Jason asked carefully.

 

“I’m confused,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz turned his attention back over to Clark. A moment later, Clark glanced over, catching Grizz’s gaze, and his lips turned up into a subtle smirk. Clark focused back on Becca as he tucked the girl’s hair behind her ear, before his eyes darted back to Grizz. And what in the actual fuck? It was a show? Was Clark trying to make Grizz jealous on purpose? It had all clicked into place.

 

“That fucking asshole,” Grizz cursed and spoke to Gwen, “you see what he’s doing, right?”

 

“Talking to the girl you like?” Gwen said as she pointedly glanced at the others at the table.

 

“Sure,” Grizz sighed. And he had to hand it to her, that was a good save because Grizz had flipped to being mad so quickly that he forgot who he was sitting with.

 

“It is kind of low, man, but like, aren’t you two a thing?” Jason pointed to Grizz and Gwen.

 

“No,” the two of them said in unison.

 

“Well, he thinks you are. And I mean, it _does_ kind of look that way sometimes,” Jason said.

 

“Yeah, he’s right,” Helena added.

 

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t see it anyway. Can’t a girl and a guy be just friends?” Luke added.

 

“Exactly,” Gwen said, “I mean, I hang with Jason just as much as I hang with Grizz. We went to the movies just the two off us the other night and no one gave a shit.”

 

“That’s because you don’t give me lovey googly eyes like you do to Grizz,” Jason said.

 

“Oh my God, I so do not,” Gwen argued.

 

Grizz put his head in his hands and tried to tune out their arguing. It was like Grizz was in a hamster cage with one of those wheels they ran on. He just kept running and running, and getting absolutely nowhere.

 

“I’m not in the fucking mood for this,” Grizz muttered, and without even acknowledging his friends, he got up and marched away.

 

Grizz hated today. He hated it mostly because it started out so good. He was so happy and it all got ripped out from underneath him because of ridiculous high school drama that he didn’t want to be a part of. This was why he should’ve just waited for college. That thought came and left so quickly, because if he had waited for college then he probably wouldn’t have Sam.

 

“Grizz!” Gwen’s voice called out.

 

Grizz stopped his aggressive stomping and turned to see Gwen rushing down the hallway towards him. Grizz sighed and leant against the lockers. The hallway was mostly empty except for a few stragglers.

 

“You know you gotta stop following me places because I’m starting to see why they’re so suspicious,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re upset. Of course I’m going to follow you,” Gwen said as she got to him, “listen, I’m sorry Clark’s being a dick.”

 

“It’s not him. It’s…well it is, but it’s not,” Grizz said.

 

“What’s going on?” she asked.

 

“Nothing,” Grizz sighed, “doesn’t matter. I just really fucking hate high school and everyone in it.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Gwen said.

 

“No. I don’t. But I hate today,” Grizz said.

 

“Did something else happen? Is everything okay with you and Sam?” she asked.

 

Grizz contemplated telling her about his conversation with Campbell that morning, but what was she going to do? Nothing. She couldn’t make that pesky problem go away.

 

“Yeah, Sam and I are fine,” Grizz said.

 

“Well, that’s a good thing. Focus on that, not whatever it is that’s brining you down,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz gave her a small smile, because yeah, everything with Campbell and Clark was so frustrating, but thinking about Sam and how happy he made Grizz always made him feel that little bit better. Speaking of which, the object of Grizz’s happiness was heading down the hall towards them. Grizz only noticed him when he heard the footsteps coming closer.

 

Grizz perked up a little and greeted his boyfriend with a “hey”.

 

“Hey, Sam,” Gwen said.

 

“Hi,” Sam waved, “listen, before you both ask. I have no idea what’s going on in there. I came into the cafeteria and he was already there sitting with her.”

 

“I’m pretty sure he’s trying to make me jealous,” Grizz said.  

 

“I figured,” Sam nodded.

 

“She’s smart, right? She’ll see through it?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t know. Clark can be really smooth when he wants to be,” Gwen added.

 

“I’m gonna have to talk to him,” Grizz said with a sigh. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but also didn’t want Becca getting in the middle of this ridiculous feud.

 

“Because he’s flirting with Becca? Grizz, if he wants to flirt with her, let him. He’s the one going to look like an idiot,” Gwen said.  

 

“What do you think?” Grizz asked Sam.

 

“I think Becca can look after herself,” Sam shrugged.

 

The next moment, the girl in question came rushing out of the cafeteria, obviously on a mission to find them, or just Sam. When she noticed the group, she ran over frantically.

 

“There you are,” Becca said as she wildly signed at Sam. Sam signed back to her without saying a word.

 

“He just sat next to me. Not my fault,” Becca argued with him.

 

“What did he want?” Gwen asked.

 

“Oh my God, guys,” Becca laughed, “he asked me out.”

 

“Out?” Grizz asked.

 

“Like, he asked me to hang out and said all this cheesy shit about how pretty I am and how he’s always noticed me,” Becca explained.

 

“Ah yes, you got the full Clark works,” Gwen said.

 

“Do you actually like him?” Sam asked.

 

“No. But like, who knows?” Becca shrugged carelessly. Grizz did not like where this was going at all. Becca was supposed to see through the act and Grizz wasn’t quite sure if she had.

 

“Becca…listen, I don’t mean to sound conceited or anything, but I really think he’s only doing this to get at me,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m not dumb, Grizz. I know he’s trying to make you jealous,” Becca laughed.

 

“Oh.”

 

“So, are you going to go out with him?” Sam asked.

 

“Well, I said yes. I was put on the spot!” Becca said, her face contorting into one of worry.

 

“I’m gonna fix this, okay?” Grizz said.

 

“No, Grizz. It’s fine, really. I think it’s kind of funny, actually. And it could be fun,” Becca reasoned.

 

“She’s right. It could be fun. Clark can be a lot of fun when he’s not, you know, stalking you after a break up,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz ignored her, “Becca, I just don’t want you to get hurt in the crossfire.”

 

“I won’t. I’ll probably go out with him once, then he’ll get over it and I’ll get a good laugh out of it. The end,” Becca said.

 

And then the bell rang and Grizz didn’t know how to feel. He just knew that everything was turning into a big mess again.

 

“Don’t worry about it, Grizz. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself around idiots like Clark,” Becca said before she took Sam’s hand and walked off from them.

 

Grizz whole-heartedly believed that Becca could look after herself, but it still didn’t make it right. He didn’t want his friend to have to bend over backwards because Clark had an issue with him. Grizz was done. He had reached his limit. He was just so sick and tired of this drama, and he was going to end it once and for all.

 

\---

 

That afternoon after yet another intense football practice, Grizz found himself following Clark to his car. Grizz figured this conversation would go one of two ways. Either they’d talk it out like adults and Clark could get over the ridiculous notion that Grizz and Gwen were into each other, or Grizz was about to lose a friend. He didn’t see how else it could go.

 

Grizz caught up to Clark just as he was getting in the driver seat. Grizz got into the passenger side without a warning and shut the door, turning to his friend. At least, he hoped they were still friends. For a split second, Clark was startled, until he saw who had joined him.

 

“Grizz? What are you doing?” Clark asked.

 

“We need to talk,” Grizz said, and he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

 

“About?”

 

“You and Becca,” Grizz got to the point.

 

Clark snorted, “I knew you’d have a problem.”

 

“Yeah, I do, because-,”

 

“You can’t have them both!” Clark shouted at him, “fuck, Grizz. I can see you playing them both. You gotta give up at least one, so maybe I’m just doing you a favor asking Becca out.”

 

“Oh my God, cut the bullshit, Clark. I know you’re only hanging out with her to get back at me,” Grizz said.

 

“And how does it feel?” Clark asked with a smug smile.

 

“What?”

 

“How does it feel to have one of your best friends going after the girl you like?” Clark said slowly, ever word dripping with hatred, and Grizz was trying to be patient because he knew Clark just didn’t understand. He could see things from Clark’s point of view, but this entire situation was really testing him.  

 

“Honestly, Clark. I’m being one hundred per cent serious with you. I swear on my fucking life there is nothing going on between Gwen and I. There never has been anything going on with Gwen and I, and there never will be,” Grizz told him.

 

“I don’t believe you, Grizz. You’ve been shady as fuck lately. You never hang out with us. You and Gwen are always having these little secret chats together. What else am I supposed to think?” Clark asked.

 

Grizz shook his head because, well, he just didn’t know what else to say to convince him.

 

“Why her?” Clark asked in a softer voice.

 

“Clark-”

 

“No. Stop. Just…you’re one of my best friends, Grizz. And Gwen…I…fuck,” Clark’s voice broke, “I love her and it really, really hurts. Just don’t do this, please. Just…anyone else, just not her. Not my best friend and…”

 

Clark looked away, but Grizz noticed the stray tear roll down his cheek, and then another. Clark swore and hastily wiped the wetness from his cheeks. Grizz’s resolve had deteriorated away. He couldn’t stand seeing Clark like that. Clark was wrong, sure. He was paranoid and stupid, but he was hurt. Grizz could see it all over his face and hear it in the way his voice shook, and Grizz wanted it to end.

 

“I’m gay, Clark,” Grizz said the words before he even thought them through, but they were out there now and he couldn’t take them back. Clark turned to Grizz, that look of hurt replaced by one of pure confusion.

 

“What?” Clark asked.

 

“I’m…gay,” Grizz repeated, “and it’s not Becca that I’m into. It’s Sam, and Gwen knows and that’s what we’re talking about all the time.”

 

There, he said it, and Clark was just staring at him, and Grizz really, really thought that confessing to him would make it better, that they’d laugh it all off as a giant misunderstanding, and that Clark would be relieved that Grizz wasn’t going after Gwen after all. Instead, all he got was more hostility.

 

 “Get the fuck out of my car,” Clark barked.

 

“What?”

 

“You are so full of shit. Do you think I’m stupid?” Clark asked.

 

_Don’t answer that, Grizz._

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“You think I’m going to believe you’re, what? You’re gay? Are you really gonna stoop so low as to lie about something like that just so you can keep fucking Gwen?” Clark asked.

 

“Oh my God,” Grizz couldn’t help but laugh. He tried. He really fucking tried to make things better, but Clark was a lost cause. And there were more things Grizz could have done to prove it to Clark, like show him texts and selfies he and Sam had taken together, but he was pissed, so fucking pissed that he decided to come out to try and ease whatever pain Clark had been feeling, only to have it thrown back in his face.

 

“You know what, fuck you, Clark. Think what you want to think. I know I’m not fucking Gwen behind your back and that’s all that matters. You just can’t handle the fact that she doesn’t want you anymore and-“

 

“Get the fuck outta my car, Grizz!” Clark shouted.

 

“-and honestly, I don’t blame her for not wanting you anymore. You’re a fucking moron and she can do so much better!”

 

Grizz didn’t let Clark get another word in. He left the car, slamming the door as hard as he could. Grizz stormed across the carpark and unlocked his own car. He threw his bag in the backseat and flung the door shut with a loud bang. Nothing but his own heavy breathing filled the air. Grizz hated being so angry all the time because that wasn’t him. He wasn’t an aggressive person, but in that moment, there were hot tears springing at his eyes threatening to fall, and not because he was sad or upset, but because he was just that furious with Clark.

 

Grizz just wanted to go home and forget about everything. He turned his car on and took his phone of his pocket to plug in, and that was when he saw he had a text from Sam.

 

 **Hey I headed home but do you wanna hang out tonight?** – Sam.

 

 **Not in the mood.** – Grizz.

 **Fuck, sorry. That sounded meaner than it was supposed to. I’m just really tired.** – Grizz.

 

 **Are you okay?** – Sam.

 

 **Long day. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.** – Grizz.

 

 **Okay. I’m here if you need me.** – Sam.

 

 **xxxxxxxxxx** – Grizz.

 

Grizz plugged his phone into the car speakers, put on a song and turned it up as loud as it could go before driving out of the school parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo we reached 100,000 words. I think I've got another 100,000 in me for this story. Thanks again to everyone still reading!!!


	21. Netflix and chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 recap: The day started off so well until Campbell and Clark happened. Campbell cornered Grizz and told him to break Sam's heart or Campbell would out him. Grizz was having none of that nonsense and told him heck no, but is super paranoid Campbell is gonna out him. Clark made the moves on Becca but only to make Grizz jealous and Grizz discovered that Clark is really hurt about the Gwen situation, which prompted Grizz to come out to Clark, only Clark thinks he's lying to cover up his secret relationship with Gwen. They argued. Insults were exchanged. Friendship over????? Grizz is in a #badmood.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead

Grizz was miserable. That was the only word for it. On top of Campbell’s blackmail attempt and Clark being the worst friend imaginable, Grizz had opened up a letter from Yale University, rejecting his application, and well, that was just the final straw for Grizz that day. Days as fucked as this particular day made Grizz yearn for college, and he knew logically it was only _one_ that had rejected him, but in that moment, it felt like the end of the world.

 

So, Grizz decided to spend the night wallowing in self-pity, crying on and off, because he had to let all of his emotions out somehow, and crying often made him feel better afterwards. To make matters worse though, his anxiety was out of control. He was checking Facebook every five minutes, just waiting for Campbell to say something about him. He was also panicking that he might never get accepted into a good college or university, even though he’d be perfectly happy going to a state college as long as it meant getting the hell out of this town.

 

Grizz sat up on his bed, thinking he should probably change out of his clothes and go to bed properly, because he knew he had probably cried all the tears he had in him, and all that was left to do was fall asleep. He reached for his phone on his bedside table because it was just about time to check Facebook again, but instead he saw a text from Becca, to which he replied straight away.

 

 **Hey are you awake? Sam is out wandering the streets by himself.** – Becca.

 

 **I’m up. What’s going on?** – Grizz.

 

 **He texted me asking to come to mine bc Campbell is being Campbell but I’m at my grandparents out of town.** – Becca.

 

 **Why didn’t he just text me??** – Grizz.

 

 **He thinks you want space.** – Becca.

 

 **Not from him! I’ll text him. Thanks Becca x** – Grizz.

 

Fuck. The last thing Grizz wanted was for Sam to think he didn’t want him around, or couldn’t help him out when he needed it. Grizz paced around his room as he texted Sam and anxiously awaited a reply.

 

 **Where are you?** – Grizz.

 

 **At home. Why?** – Sam.

 

 **Liar. Becca texted me. Where are you?** – Grizz.

 

 **Walking down Greene Street.** – Sam.

 

 **Good, you’re close. Come to mine. Now. Please?** – Grizz.

 

 **You sure?** – Sam.

 

 **Yes I’m sure!!! I’ll wait outside.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz left his room and headed downstairs. His parents were both in the living room, watching TV. They hadn’t even noticed him come home that afternoon, let alone notice him leaving the house at that moment. Grizz stepped outside, the cool air hitting him hard. He wondered how long Sam had been out there by himself. Grizz cursed himself. If only he wasn’t such a dick earlier then maybe Sam would’ve felt comfortable enough to message him.  Grizz felt like the worst boyfriend ever.

 

Grizz sat on the curb as he looked down the street, waiting to see Sam. He was only been two streets away, so he shouldn’t be very long. Grizz wanted to know what the fuck Campbell had done to make Sam leave the house. He wondered if he had also approached Sam wanting to break the two of them up. Grizz hadn’t planned on telling Sam about Campbell’s threat at all, but he might have to if Campbell was fucking around with Sam as well.

 

It didn’t take long until Grizz saw a figure walking down the street towards him. Grizz stood up and met him half way, and even in the dark he could see that it was Sam. Not able to speak to him, Grizz just took his hand and pulled him in for a hug, which Sam returned, squeezing Grizz’s waist tightly. They were there for a solid minute before Sam let go and Grizz laced his fingers with his once again.

 

Grizz led him back to his house and opened the door, looking around first for his parents, but the TV was still on in the living room. Grizz pulled Sam inside and the two headed up the stairs to Grizz’s room. They made it there unseen, and Grizz shut and locked the door behind him. When he turned to Sam, finally seeing him in the light, the first thing Grizz noticed were Sam’s eyes that were red and a little puffy.

 

“You’ve been crying,” Grizz said.

 

“So have you,” Sam frowned. He stepped forward and took Grizz’s face in his hands, examining him, and damn it, Grizz didn’t even stop to think that he probably looked like a mess too.

 

“What happened?” Sam asked. And it always felt like Sam was the one comforting Grizz, and Grizz really didn’t want to unload on him, so he shook his head.

 

“Nothing, really. Just rejected from a college. That’s all. It doesn’t matter,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay. I’ll get over it. What happened tonight?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shook his head, being just as stubborn as Grizz had been. Grizz wanted to know what was wrong though. He _needed_ to know. Well, he needed to know if he had to kick Campbell’s ass or not. Grizz took Sam over to his bed and made him sit down. The two sat on the edge, half facing each other.

 

‘What happened?’ Grizz signed.

 

“It’s dumb,” Sam said.

 

“I bet it’s not.”

 

“It is,” Sam sighed, “my parents aren’t home tonight and Campbell has friends over. He told me to leave because he didn’t want me around them.”

 

“Fuck, he’s such a fucking dick,” Grizz fumed.

 

Sam nodded, “and I made it worse by saying no. I told him I was just going to stay in my room. So, I was just doing homework when him and his friends barged in and dragged me from my bed. They forced me outside and locked all the doors. I don’t even have my shoes on. I was just lucky I was at least dressed and still had my phone on me.”

 

What the actual fuck? They couldn’t just do that. How fucking _dare_ they? The thought of anyone man-handling Sam had Grizz seeing red.

 

“Who?” Grizz asked.

 

“What?”

 

“Who were the friends?” Grizz asked again.

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“Just give me names, Sam,” Grizz demanded, and he wasn’t quite sure what, if anything, he was going to do to the culprits but he just needed to know who it was.

 

“Fine. Harry and Dewey,” Sam admitted.

 

“Do they do this sort of thing to you a lot?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam looked down and shrugged. This was bullying. Sam was being bullied and Grizz knew his brother was awful, but he had no clue it was coming from other people too. Grizz was never a violent person, but he wanted to kill everyone who had ever hurt Sam.

 

“I don’t know why he hates me so much. I don’t know what I did,” Sam said, and he was crying. Grizz’s heart broke. Grizz didn’t have any siblings, but he could at least imagine how hurtful it could be for a family member to be so hateful for no reason. Grizz brought his hand to Sam’s cheek and delicately made him look at him.

 

“You didn’t do anything,” Grizz said as he looked into his boyfriend’s glistening eyes, “you’re the most perfect human I’ve ever met, and he’s a psychopath who just wants to take away other’s happiness. That’s all.”

 

Sam closed his eyes as another few tears fell. Grizz brushed them away with his thumb before pulled Sam to his chest in a warm, comforting hug. Grizz just wanted to keep Sam there with him forever, where he could be safe and away from anyone and everyone that could possibly hurt him. Grizz didn’t even realize that Sam was going through anything like this, because Sam was always so strong and happy, and Grizz, well, Grizz just thought he was so self-centred, only focusing on his own problems and never on Sam’s.

 

Sam pulled back after a moment and didn’t stay back for very long because the next second his lips were on Grizz’s. Relief is all Grizz felt. And need. He needed that kiss. They both did. It was a reminder that no matter what shit they were going through, they had each other, and Grizz needed Sam to know that, so he stopped kissing him and waited for Sam to open his eyes before speaking.

 

 “You know you can text me any day, any time, and I’ll be here,” Grizz said.

 

Sam shrugged, “I know. I just thought you were annoyed with me or something.”

 

“I could never be annoyed at you,” Grizz said, his face softening.

 

“Well you were in a mood anyway,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah, well…Clark’s been pretty awful about the whole Gwen thing, so I decided to come out to him,” Grizz said, and he wasn’t planning on telling Sam that, but he just didn’t want Sam thinking he was in a mood because of him.

 

“Seriously?” Sam’s eyes were wide.

 

“Yep. And he didn’t believe me. He legit thought I was lying and got all pissed,” Grizz told him.

 

Sam snorted in laughter before abruptly stopping, “Sorry.”

 

Grizz smiled, “no, no. It is sort of funny.”

 

“He’s kind of really dumb,” Sam said.

 

“I know, right? He’s impossible sometimes,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe we should make out in front of him, then he’ll believe you,” Sam suggested.

 

“Any excuse to make out with me,” Grizz said as he leant forward once more. Sam’s lips met his and not half a second later his tongue was in Grizz’s mouth. Grizz would never get over how _good_ Sam was at kissing. How his tongue did _that._ Jesus Christ it had Grizz wanting more and more.

 

“Grizz?!” the voice came through the other side of Grizz’s door. Grizz pulled back, relaxing when he saw the door was closed.

 

“My mom’s at the door,” Grizz mouthed to Sam who was giving him a curious look. Sam just nodded before going to Grizz’s neck, littering it with kisses.

 

“Yeah?!” Grizz called back to his mom, trying his best to ignore Sam.

 

“Make sure you take the trash out before school!” his mom called back.

 

“Okay!”

 

“Thank you, goodnight!” she said.

 

“Goodnight!”

 

Grizz listened to the footsteps retreating down the hall, and he was going to tell Sam she was gone, but he really didn’t want Sam to stop kissing his neck. It didn’t take Sam very long to catch on though. He pulled back, looking at Grizz.

 

“What’d she want?” Sam asked.

 

“Nothing important,” Grizz said, and he got up to go to the door. He double checked it was locked, because, well, he was a bit paranoid and the last thing he needed on top of everything else was one of his parents walking in on him with a boy in his room. He also put his ear to the door, noticing the TV was still on, so his dad must have still been up.

 

Grizz turned back to Sam and went over to him. So, yeah, today sucked, but at least now he had Sam in his room for an entire night. What to do when you have your boyfriend on your bed? Grizz had a few ideas but his nerves were getting to him.

 

“So, what do you wanna do? Sleep? Or?” Sam asked.

 

“Not really. We could…” Grizz paused, and chickened out before saying, “watch a movie?”

 

“Okay,” Sam said with a smile.

 

Grizz took his laptop from his desk and went back over to Sam. He ended up situating himself behind Sam, and Sam was more than willing to sit there between Grizz’s legs. All Grizz wanted to do was hold Sam for an eternity, so he was more than okay with that position.

 

Grizz signed into Netflix and scrolled through the movies until he found one he figured Sam would like. It was Batman vs Superman. Grizz made sure the subtitles were on before he propped the laptop up on a pillow on their legs, and the two boys settled in, getting comfortable, with Sam resting against Grizz’s chest, and Grizz wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist.

 

Despite all the shit that had happened earlier that day, Grizz had never felt more content in his life. He wished it could always be like that. Quiet nights in, holding each other, watching movies. He imagined he was in college already without a worry in the world, or better yet, after college, living together in their own little apartment. Grizz was getting a little ahead of himself.

 

They were about a quarter of the way into the movie when Grizz started getting bored with it. Superhero movies were okay, but not really his thing. Or at least, this one wasn’t. He found himself more interested in playing with Sam’s hands and fingers. Grizz loved Sam’s hands. His fingers were skinnier than Grizz’s, and colder, but Grizz thought they were perfect and fit so perfectly between Grizz’s fingers too.

 

Grizz traced a pattern up Sam’s arm, leaving a trail of Goosebumps that Grizz could feel as his fingertips lightly trailed right back down Sam’s arm. Grizz slid his hands back around Sam’s waist a little firmer this time, and by that point the movie was completely forgotten as Grizz pressed his lips against the back of Sam’s neck.

  

The other boy audibly sighed and tiled his head to the side. Grizz took that as an open invitation to keep going. Grizz left kisses all the way down the side of Sam’s neck. He tugged at the sleeve of Sam’s shirt to expose his shoulder as he kept kissing him, wanting to go as far as he could, and when the shirt wouldn’t allow him to anymore, Grizz kissed right back up, all the way to Sam’s ear. He nipped on Sam’s ear lobe lightly before kissing right below it.

 

Suddenly, it became less about being bored with the movie. Grizz was kissing Sam’s neck and touching him with intent. He just wanted Sam in a good mood. He wanted Sam to forget that anyone was ever mean to him. He wanted Sam to feel safe and loved. And maybe Grizz also wanted to try the whole “being forward” thing that Sam wanted.

 

Without too much thought, Grizz’s hands went exploring with a mind of their own. They made their way to Sam’s chest before going down his sides and rubbing along Sam’s thighs. Grizz found a spot on Sam’s neck, right above his collarbone, and he figured now was as good a time as any for a little payback.

 

Grizz sucked and bit on the spot, hoping to leave a hickey worse than the one Sam gave him. Sam squirmed against him, making the laptop fall from the pillow on their legs and topple onto the floor.

 

“Fuck. Sorry,” Sam whispered, and he went to get up to retrieve the thing, but Grizz didn’t care if it was broken or not. He held Sam tighter, keeping him in place.

 

Grizz brought his hands to Sam’s hips before slipping them under Sam’s shirt, gliding along his stomach. And fuck, Grizz really, _really_ loved touching Sam. And kissing his neck. And hearing the change in his boyfriend’s breathing. It was at that moment that Grizz noticed the bulge in Sam’s jeans. Jesus, fuck, that was the hottest thing Grizz had ever seen in his entire life, and he had a feeling things were only going to get more heated.

 

Grizz wanted to test the waters a little before taking the next step. He was still so nervous, no matter how much he wanted more. He needed a green light from Sam though. Just anything to tell him it was okay to go further. Grizz trailed his fingers along the waistband of Sam’s jeans, back and forth. He so desperately wanted to slip his hand under the material. He wanted to feel how hard Sam was. He wanted to get Sam off. He wanted Sam to feel so fucking good, and that was Grizz’s only goal that night.

 

“Touch me,” Sam pleaded. There it was, the confidence boost that Grizz needed. It was all go from there.

 

Grizz undid Sam’s belt and the buttons on his jeans, a little hastily as his eagerness took over. The second the jeans were loosened enough, Grizz slid his hand in, slipping under Sam’s boxers. Holy shit, Sam was so hard already. Grizz could feel himself getting harder against Sam’s back, and he knew there was no going back now. He wanted Sam so fucking badly.

 

Sam was so warm, maybe the only place that Sam was ever warm. Grizz palmed Sam’s cock as he relished in the fact that Sam was enjoying it, and he knew he was too because a moan was quick to escape from the back of his throat. Grizz brought his finger to Sam’s lip, reminding him to be quiet considering his mom was just down the hall.

 

Grizz kissed along Sam’s neck, which was burning hot, and well, if Grizz knew that this was another way to warm Sam up then maybe he would’ve tried it out a while ago instead of giving up his hoodies. Grizz wanted to touch him more freely, not being trapped under his jeans. He took his hand out and went to push Sam’s jeans down, but the other boy had other ideas.

 

Sam shifted, freeing himself from Grizz’s grasp. He turned and before Grizz knew it, Sam was straddling him, one knee on each side of his hips. Sam took Grizz’s face in his hands and kissed him hard. He bit harshly on Grizz’s bottom lip, making him whimper as he opened his mouth, ready for Sam to invade it with his tongue.

 

Sam was a little aggressive, but Grizz would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. He held Sam’s hips as the boy slowly rocked against him. It was all happening a little fast, but Grizz didn’t mind one bit, because he was so fucking hard, and so was Sam, and if he didn’t get to touch Sam again within the next thirty seconds, he might just die.

 

Sam palmed at Grizz through the material of his jeans. A jolt of pure pleasure ran through every inch of Grizz’s being, and fuck, if he got all that from Sam touching him through his pants, then he couldn’t even imagine how it would feel if he finally got the skin to skin contact he craved.

 

Something came over Grizz. It was the need to be in control, because God damn it, he started this. He was trying to be forward and he wasn’t going to let Sam take over, at least not this time. Grizz pushed Sam pack, their lips leaving for only a moment as Sam fell onto his back. Grizz was on top of him in a flash, their lips connecting again in a hungry kiss. Grizz was between Sam’s legs, the other boy hitching his thighs around Grizz’s hips, and Grizz couldn’t help but grind down against him.

 

Sam bucked his hips up, meeting each and every movement. Grizz breathed heavily against Sam’s lips but he didn’t for a second dare part from them. He felt like he might just die if he did. Grizz pushed Sam’s shirt up, his hands once again exploring the wonders of Sam’s body. His skin was so smooth, and fuck, he was toned. Did Sam work out? That was a question for later.

 

Grizz thrust against Sam. His unwillingness to stop was about to leave a fucking mess in his jeans that he didn’t want, because fuck, he wanted to touch Sam. He _needed_ to touch Sam. And apparently Sam had the same thought because he started on Grizz’s belt. He got it undone easily, ripping it out from around Grizz’s hips and tossing it to the floor. He made quick work of unzipping Grizz’s jeans and pushing them down to his mid-thighs. Grizz didn’t even have a spare second to feel self-conscious before Sam had his hand wrapped around the width of his rock-hard dick.

 

“F-fuck,” Grizz trembled out against Sam’s lips. He had to stop kissing him because he couldn’t concentrate anymore. He buried his face in Sam’s neck as he tried not to come then and there.

 

Grizz came to his senses enough to return the favor. He latched onto Sam’s jeans and tugged them down just enough to free his cock from the confines of his boxers. Grizz held Sam firm, but not too firm as he stroked him. Sam wriggled beneath him, and when he did, their cocks touched, sliding against each other, and Grizz was going to lose his goddamn mind. He needed more of that.

 

Grizz stopped what he was doing and took Sam’s hand, making him stop. The next moment, Grizz had both their lengths in his hand. He held them together as he rocked back and forth, and fuck, it was the best thing Grizz had ever felt.

 

Sam tangled his fingers in Grizz’s mop of hair, tugging lightly as he brought Grizz from his neck, back to his lips. Grizz kissed him back, wet and sloppy, but neither cared. Both were more focused on what was happening below.

 

Grizz rut against Sam, desperate for more friction. And fuck, he was so damn hard, harder than he ever remembered being in his life, and the way Sam was arching his back, meeting his movements, was enough to have Grizz feeling all dizzy and light headed. If this was how he felt just by _touching_ Sam, he wondered how he’d feel if they were to have sex. They wouldn’t get to that that night though, because Grizz was close, really fucking close.

 

Sam’s lips shook against Grizz’s, his grip on Grizz’s hair getting tighter. Grizz pulled back a little to look down at Sam. His cheeks, all the way down to his neck, were flushed red, his eyes dark, his lips pink and swollen. He took in short, quick breaths, and Grizz had never seen someone look so fucking beautiful, and he was all Grizz’s.

 

“Close?” Grizz whispered.

 

“I’m…trying…not to,” Sam panted.

 

Grizz kept his eyes on Sam’s as he stroked them a little quicker. Sam bit on his bottom lip and Grizz felt tension pooling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t going to last much longer.

 

“Don’t hold back,” Grizz told him.

 

“Don’t want it to end,” Sam said.

 

“It’s okay, we can just do it again,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled and pulled Grizz back to him in an eager kiss. He let one hand untangle from Grizz’s hair and instead, went down to Grizz’s cock, wrapping his fingers around it. Grizz kept his hand wrapped around Sam’s as he tugged on him, stroking him quicker, desperate to make the boy come.

 

Grizz stroked up to the tip of Sam’s dick and brushed his thumb over the tip a few times, just wanting to get him there, and when Sam’s body tensed underneath him, Grizz knew his succeeded. Sam whimpered, his moan silenced by Grizz’s lips as he came over Grizz’s hand and his own stomach. That was enough to make Grizz climax too, and he realized that he too had been holding back, just waiting for Sam to get there first.

 

Relief washed over Grizz as he let go of every little bit of tension in his body. Sam’s hand didn’t stop. He kept stroking Grizz through it, up to the point where Grizz was either going to start to hurt, or get hard again. He stopped kissing Sam and took his hand, making him stop. Grizz was shaking, barely able to keep himself from crushing Sam.

 

“You okay?” Grizz asked and he looked down at his boyfriend.

 

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes, “yes, I’m okay. Dummy.”

 

Grizz kissed him lightly on the lips before rolling off of him and onto his back. He breathed out heavily, and he felt so light, like there wasn’t anything that could bring him down, which was funny considering the bullshit he dealt with that day. It was also like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, because for some reason he had been afraid of getting physical with Sam, like he’d fuck it up or overthink it, but the second he touched Sam, it was like all those fears melted away, and everything just felt so natural, and so right.

 

Grizz turned back to Sam and kissed his cheek, littering it with a dozen more before he eventually drew away and got up. They were both messes. Grizz signed for Sam to stay put as Grizz pulled his jeans back up. He left his room, thankful to hear his mom’s usual heavy snoring down the hall and the TV still on downstairs where his dad would be.

 

Grizz went to the bathroom and cleaned himself up before wetting a cloth and heading back to Sam, locking the bedroom door behind him. Sam was sitting up on the edge of the bed now, shirt off properly and tossed on the floor. Grizz bent down in front of him with the cloth and cleaned up the mess they had made on Sam’s stomach, and tenderly cleaned Sam’s now limp dick. Sam grinned down at Grizz, an obvious amusement in his eyes. Of course he would find this funny.

 

“Take those off,” Grizz gestured to Sam’s jeans and boxers. Grizz headed over to his set of drawers and got out a fresh pair of boxers for Sam and himself. He somehow managed to not check Sam out in his complete naked glory as he handed him the boxers. Sam, however, was a little less subtle as Grizz noticed the boy’s eyes locked on him as he changed out of his jeans, into the fresh pair of boxers and disposed of his shirt.

 

“Do you have any idea how hot you are?” Sam asked him.

 

‘Stop it,’ Grizz signed.

 

“Never.”

 

Grizz just smiled bashfully, shaking his head.

 

“Get in bed,” Grizz nodded towards the bed. Sam did as he was told and Grizz stood by the light near his door, waiting for Sam to get comfortable before he turned the light off. Grizz headed over, getting in on the other side and slipping under the covers. Sam was quick to snuggle up to him, not that Grizz minded in the slightest. He was more than happy to lie there with Sam half across his chest.

 

As Grizz lay there, his arms around his boyfriend, he couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to find Sam, and yeah, his life had been open to a lot more drama lately, most to do with him not wanting to come out, but none of that drama mattered as long as he had these moments alone with Sam. Only six more months and if everything went to plan, Grizz would be free to be who he wanted to be. And _hopefully_ Sam would still be right there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get so cringe writing this stuff but I LOVE IT ANYWAY. More in the next chapter ;) Thanks for reading :)


	22. Skipping School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21 recap: Grizz was sad because of Clark, Campbell and getting rejected from a college. Sam was sad because Campbell and his friends kicked him out of the house. Grizz invited Sam to stay the night and things got a little steamy.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead

Grizz woke up the next morning to a warm body underneath his, and the gentle touch of his boyfriend’s fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. Grizz groaned, refusing to believe that he would ever have to leave the safety of Sam’s body. No. He couldn’t. He was enjoying Sam’s chest rising and falling steadily as he breathed. He wouldn’t dare disturb the arm lay limply over his back. He was going to stay there forever.

 

As Grizz lay there, slowly becoming more alert to the world, he became vaguely aware that his entire body weight was on Sam and, well, he had no idea how that happened because last he checked it was _Sam_ that had been on top of _him_. It registered that he was probably crushing the boy. Begrudgingly, Grizz shifted and rolled onto his back by Sam’s side instead.

 

“Thank God, you’re up,” Sam whispered.

 

Grizz looked at him, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light in the room. Sam was looking right back at him, his gaze flicking down to Grizz’s lips as normal.

 

“I’m sorry. Was I crushing you?” Grizz asked.

 

“No, that was fine. Gotta use the bathroom,” Sam said.

 

“Oh right, fuck. Sorry,” Grizz said as he sat up. He searched around for his phone before finding it on the bedside table. He looked at the time and when he did, his eyes almost popped out of his head because it was just past eleven in the morning.

 

“I know,” Sam said before Grizz could even say anything, “didn’t wanna wake you.”

 

“Guess we’re skipping school,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, “are your parents home?”

 

Grizz shook his head, “they’ll be at work until at least five.”

 

“So, house to ourselves?” Sam grinned.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes, ignoring the look Sam gave him. “Still need that bathroom?”

 

Sam nodded and Grizz tossed the blankets off the two of them before getting up. He led Sam from his room to the bathroom and opened the door. He turned back to Sam, gesturing for him to go in.

 

“Use whatever you need. Second draw there’s unopened toothbrushes if you want,” Grizz said.

 

“You just wanna make out with me with minty breath,” Sam said with a cheesy smile.

 

“I’d make out with you either way,” Grizz countered.

 

Sam just laughed at him before pushing him from the doorway and shutting the door. Grizz sighed deeply, not out of frustration, or tiredness. He sighed because he felt like everything was just _right_. It was how it was supposed to be; waking up with his boyfriend after a night together. And yeah, there were still a lot of other things going on in Grizz’s life, but that moment was perfect.

 

Grizz left Sam for a few minutes of privacy. He did a quick scan of the house, checking his parent’s room and the living room before double checking their cars were definitely gone and that he and Sam were alone. He couldn’t believe he had slept so long. He was just so exhausted after the day before that he had to mentally check out and apparently his body needed to shut down too. He wasn’t exactly complaining though since he got to have a day alone with Sam.

 

Grizz headed back upstairs just as Sam was leaving the bathroom.

 

“Hey, wait in my room,” Grizz told him.

 

Sam just nodded and did as he was told, passing Grizz in the hall. Grizz went to the bathroom and did his business. He still had his phone on him which he had absent-mindedly plastered to his hand during his search of the house. He didn’t realize when he checked the time but he had a few messages.

 

 **Sam told me he stayed at yours. THANK YOU!** – Becca.

 

 **Hey where you at? You good?** – Luke.

**Ayyyy don’t think I don’t notice you AND Sam not here today. Pls use condoms. I’m too young to be a grandmother. –** Gwen.

**Where are you?** – Clark.

 

Grizz replied to the texts. He told Becca she was welcome and he would always be there for Sam, and for her. He told Luke he just wasn’t feeling well. He called Gwen an idiot. And then, his thumbs hovered over the empty reply box on Clark’s message for much too long. Grizz wasn’t expecting a text from Clark. He was the last person he thought would’ve texted him.

 

Grizz was still upset. It took a lot for him to come out to Clark and he was more than frustrated with how it went. He had no idea what to reply with, and mostly he didn’t want to talk to Clark at all, so he ignored the message and set his phone on the counter.

 

Grizz stood in front of the mirror. He felt a little different after last night, like what had happened had been some sort of dream. He only ever did imagine that any kind of sexual activity would come about during college, so the fact that he even had a boyfriend he could do that with was blowing Grizz’s mind. Not that he was complaining, because he most definitely wasn’t. He needed the release last night and he needed it with Sam. In a way he felt validated, like it didn’t matter what anyone did or said, the fact that he could feel like _that_ with Sam meant everything.

 

“You’re a loser,” Grizz whispered to himself, but he was smiling

 

Figuring he spent too much time in there texting, Grizz hurried up with grabbing his toothbrush and working on his teeth. Half way through his brushing there was a loud bashing on the door.

 

“Hurry up! I’m bored!” Sam shouted through the door.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and opened the door, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and a mock annoyance etched onto his face.

 

“You’re so impatient,” Grizz said.

 

Sam narrowed his eyes, “can’t understand you. Just going to assume you said you love me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Seems like something you’d say,” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz took the toothbrush out of his mouth and said to him, “I hate you,” before turning back to the counter and continuing his brushing. Grizz watched his boyfriend’s reflection in the mirror as he came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Grizz’s bare torso. Sam kissed the back of Grizz’s shoulder and Grizz had to bite his lip pretty damn hard to stop himself just melting then and there.

 

Grizz was quick to finish up, spitting the paste into the basin and rinse his mouth out, because well, Sam was getting a little handsy and Grizz had learnt enough about Sam at that point to know what he wanted. It seemed to be what Sam _always_ wanted, but again, Grizz was not complaining.

 

The second Grizz turned around, Sam was on him. Grizz’s lips were not his own, instead they were owned by Sam and Sam alone as the boy kissed him deeply. Sam’s hands settled on Grizz’s hips which were pressed against the counter, and all Grizz could do was wonder when the fuck he’d be able to kiss Sam and not turn into a mess.

 

Grizz brought his hands up to Sam’s face, his fingertips gingerly holding Sam’s jaw, keeping him in place. With Sam’s unusually warm body firmly against his, it didn’t take very long for Grizz to start getting a little excited. What did he think would happen though? Being alone in a house with Sam? Of course this would happen. Only, the night before, as Grizz fell asleep, he had briefly thought about when they would fool around again and he hadn’t anticipated it would be so soon.

 

Grizz was an overthinker. He wished he wasn’t but he was, and he wondered what was going to happen next. How far would they go? Especially being alone like this so soon. Did Sam want to have sex with him? Did Grizz want that? Maybe one day, but now? Is that where the kiss was leading? And if it was, how would that _work?_ The mechanics of it all had Grizz’s head spinning, and as nerves bubbled up in him, and Sam’s hands went wandering past the waistband of his boxers, he decided he had to ask.

 

Grizz took Sam’s wrists gently, stopping him as he broke the kiss. Sam tilted his head to the side in the way that Grizz found so damn endearing and furrowed his brows in confusion.

 

“So…I need to ask you a question,” Grizz said.

 

“Uh oh.”

 

“No uh oh. It’s fine, it’s just… I had this thought, well, Gwen had the thought and I hadn’t really thought of it again until now,” Grizz started. Fuck, he felt his throat tightening and he didn’t really know why. This was a perfectly normal conversation between two boyfriends, right? At the same time Sam had the tendency to make fun of him for stupid shit he said, so he was half expecting that to happen too.

 

“What is it?” Sam asked.

 

“Well…okay, so, I’m not saying we’re gonna have sex any time soon. And I don’t know if this is something we’re supposed to talk about first or if it just happens, because I’ve never had a boyfriend so I don’t know, and I probably should have googled this before asking, and like, whatever you answer it’s cool, I just don’t really-,”

 

“Grizz,” Sam stopped him, “you lost me like two sentences ago.”

 

“Sorry,” Grizz said quickly and let go of Sam’s hands, “fuck, I’ve gotta try to sign more.”

 

“It’s okay. Just get to the point,” Sam said.

 

Grizz then realized he picked the wrong time to test out his signing skills but he tried his best anyway as he finally got out his question.

 

“What I’m trying to ask is…” Grizz paused and gave up on the signing to avoiding looking like an idiot as he finished the sentence, “do you see yourself…topping…or bottoming?”

 

There it was, the question was out there, and Grizz knew that after last night he shouldn’t feel embarrassed to ask Sam a question like that, but he felt like such a novice having to ask, and well, in porn there never seemed to be a damn conversation! The guys just knew!

 

“What do you want?” Sam asked with his usual cheeky smile. And Jesus, Grizz hadn’t thought about that. He had been solely focused on what Sam wanted that he had never really thought about what he would prefer, and now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure if he even had a preference.

 

“I don’t know yet. I don’t really care as long as I’m doing it with you,” Grizz said honestly.

 

Sam’s smile grew wider, “aww, so romantic.”

 

“Not really,” Grizz blushed.

 

“Yes, you really are. And then there’s me who…” Sam stopped looking down.

 

‘Who?’ Grizz signed where Sam could see, and the boy looked up at him, his eyes a little darker.

 

“Who is…thinking about you fucking me,” Sam said and there was a hint of caution in the way he spoke, but there needn’t be because the one phrase sent a fucking jolt right to Grizz’s cock. Trust Sam to say something so bold.

 

“Oh,” was all Grizz could manage.

 

“Oh,” Sam copied.

 

“Uhm,” Grizz cleared his throat, “do you ever, uh…do you ever think about you…doing _that_ to me? Like…both ways?”

 

Sam looked as though he was thinking for a moment before he smiled and nodded.

 

“Cool,” Grizz said, because what the fuck else was he supposed to say?

 

“Cool,” Sam copied again.

 

“Yeah, I, uh, I just thought I’d ask. I don’t mean we’d do it today though. Just, like, one day. M-maybe,” Grizz stuttered and he’d be surprised if Sam caught exactly what he said.

 

“Maybe?” Sam asked, one eyebrow raised in curiosity.

 

“Definitely,” Grizz smirked.

 

“Just not today,” Sam confirmed, “so boring.”

 

“Are you horny all the time?” Grizz teased.

 

Sam pretended to think for a moment before nodding, “it’s your fault. You make me frustrated.”

 

“Well, maybe we can fix that,” Grizz suggested.

 

“How?”

 

“Do you wanna have a shower with me?” Grizz asked, his heart in his throat, and he had no idea why it was because he knew what Sam’s answer would be. He knew exactly what Sam wanted, and yet there was still that little sliver of doubt in Grizz’s mind; the voice in the back of his head screaming that Sam was going to reject him.

 

“Obviously,” Sam rolled his eyes.

 

“Do you wanna…fool around?” Grizz asked.

 

“Duh,” Sam giggled.

 

“Cool. So…” Grizz looked down, eyeing the only item of clothing Sam was wearing, “you wanna take those off?”

 

Grizz noticed Sam gnawing on his bottom lip to contain his smile as he stepped back. Grizz watched on as Sam hooked his thumbs under the waistband. He pushed the boxers down and let them fall to the floor, and there Sam was, in all his naked glory. Grizz’s heart raced, because last night was quick, needy and hot, and sure, they saw each other naked but it had been masked by the adrenaline and how exciting the whole situation was, so this, with Sam standing in front of him without a stitch of clothing, was confronting but at the same time it was just _comfortable._

 

“You still like me?” Sam asked, and Grizz realized he had been staring. His eyes snapped back up to meet Sam’s.

 

“You kidding me?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam let his smile come to fruition on his lips as he stepped back to Grizz. Sam’s lips lingered barely an inch from Grizz’s and if Grizz hadn’t been soaking up every ounce of tension in the room then he might have closed the gap. Instead, he stood there, hands twitching as he forced himself not to touch Sam, because Sam was busy touching him. Sam’s eyes drooped, focusing on Grizz’s boxers as he tugged them down, leaving Grizz exposed and _a lot_ harder than he probably should’ve been at that point.

 

“You’re big,” Sam commented, making Grizz’s cheeks burn. Sam looked up, a devilish gleam in his eyes, “bigger than all my other boyfriends anyway.”

 

“What boyfriends?” Grizz snapped.

 

“Maybe I’ll introduce you one day,” Sam said.

 

“Uh no, no other boyfriends,” Grizz argued.

 

“Just two?” Sam pouted.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz said as he went for Sam’s lips, but Sam pulled away.

 

“Are you jealous?” Sam teased.

 

“Do you think this is funny?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded, because well, Sam could be a little shit when he wanted to be, and sure, Grizz got a little thrill out of Sam’s banter, but at the same time, he also got a thrill out of a little bit of punishment.

 

“Fine. No fooling around for you then,” Grizz said defiantly.

 

Grizz turned to the shower, keeping his back on Sam as he turned the water on and waited for it to heat up. He had no clue how long he’d be able to keep up his resolve, but he was going to give it a shot. Grizz glanced behind him at Sam who was standing there with his arms crossed and a playful glare being shot Grizz’s way. Grizz ignored him.

 

When the water was hot enough, Grizz stepped through the open glass door and let the water run over his body, and it was so refreshing, because yeah, he and Sam had cleaned up last night, but he still felt a bit, well, sticky. Grizz smiled to himself when he heard the distinct sound of the shower door opening, and not a moment later cold hands were on his hips, and soft lips against his shoulder.

 

Grizz turned to Sam, running his fingers through his wet hair to get the strands out of his face. Sam, much to Grizz’s pleasure, looked like he wanted to mount Grizz then and there. The thought had Grizz’s cock twitching, but he was still being stubborn. He took Sam’s wrist and made him stop touching him.

 

“No fun,” Sam said.

 

“Why don’t you go shower with your other boyfriends?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam rolled his eyes, “that’s what I was going to do after this.”

 

Grizz ignored the comment, knowing there wasn’t a single hint of truth in it, but still not wanting to give in. Grizz grabbed his loofah and shower gel, getting to work on cleaning himself.

 

“Want help?” Sam asked.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Guess I’ll enjoy the show then,” Sam said as he leant against the tiled wall.

 

“Guess you will.”

 

Grizz wasn’t necessarily the seductive type, at least not on purpose, but he wasn’t dumb. He knew what he was doing to Sam and got a kick out of Sam’s eyes raking over his soaped-up body. And Grizz, well, Grizz wanted to see Sam all wet and soapy too, so he took Sam’s hand, and Sam went with him willingly as Grizz swapped their positions so Sam was under the running water. Sam took the loofah Grizz offered, and then it was Grizz’s turn to ogle.

 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Sam was so hot, like ridiculously hot, and Grizz didn’t know how in the world he was so lucky, because what a sight. Unlike Grizz, Sam _was_ the seductive type on purpose. He knew _exactly_ what he was doing as he lathered himself, the suds dripping down his torso to his-

 

Fuck. Grizz couldn’t give in _that_ easily, right? He tore his gaze away from Sam and picked up the shampoo bottle from the rack on the wall. He had barely flipped the lid when Sam’s hand covered his in an attempt to take the bottle. Grizz was all set to put up a fight until he saw Sam’s pointed look. Just like that, Grizz let go off the bottle, letting Sam have his way, _for now_.

 

Sam made a motion with his finger for Grizz to turn around, and of course he did. He wasn’t standing in the water anymore like Sam was, but it was so hot with steam surrounding the two of them that Grizz wasn’t cold at all. What was cold though was the shampoo as the initial blob seeped through his hair to his head.

 

Sam ran his fingers through Grizz’s mop of hair as he, a little roughly, lathered the cream in his hair. Grizz could definitely get used to this, or perhaps he could if Sam was a little more gentle, but he had a feeling Sam was pushing his head around and tugging on his strands on purpose. One tug was a little harder than the rest and had Grizz turning, ready to scold the boy, but Sam forced his head forward again.

 

“Little shit,” Grizz muttered.

 

Sam held Grizz’s hips and pulled him back. Grizz went willingly as Sam led him under the spray of water. Grizz closed his eyes as the almost scolding water rinsed the shampoo from his hair, all the while Sam’s hands were running through the strands. Grizz had never felt more relaxed in his life, despite the man-handling.

 

Grizz felt Sam against his back, not too firm, but also not too far away for Grizz to think it was just an accident that he felt the skin to skin contact. Jesus fucking Christ, Grizz was so hard. He was throbbing and Sam’s hands were _not_ where he needed them to be.

 

Grizz kept his eyes closed as Sam nudged him forward out of the line of water. A moment later Sam was massaging conditioner into Grizz’s locks. When Grizz said massaging, he meant it. Sam’s fingertips firmly dug into Grizz’s scalp in the best way imaginable, and it reminded Grizz of all those weeks ago in his room where Sam had given him a head massage, only this was better, so much better.

 

Grizz rolled his head back, leaning back against Sam, and not by choice, but because that was just how Sam seemed to manipulate him with the simplest touch. Sam trailed his fingers down Grizz’s neck, slipping easily against wet skin, until his hands landed on Grizz’s broad shoulders. Sam’s hands were magic. Grizz swore Sam was exuding some sort of drug from his fingertips that had Grizz feeling like he was floating up to heaven. Or, maybe he was just really, _really_ turned on.

 

Option two. Grizz couldn’t take it anymore. Grizz knew that Sam knew exactly what he was doing. Grizz knew that Sam was seducing him and the funny thing was, Sam didn’t even have to try that hard. Grizz was all his.

 

Unable to hold back any longer, Grizz turned and cupped Sam’s face in his hands before pressing their lips together under the shower head. At little startled at first, Sam was quick to kiss back, his lips catching Grizz’s bottom one and sucking lightly. Sam’s hands were in Grizz’s hair again as he clutched the slick strands so tightly that Grizz thought he was going to rip them straight from his head, but funnily enough it seemed to turn Grizz on even more.

 

Using his height to his advantage, Grizz pulled back, only a touch, just enough for Sam to chase his lips and show just how much he wanted Grizz back. Sam’s wet body slid against Grizz’s as he knocked against him in a desperate attempt to keep the kiss going.

 

Not able to breath properly anymore under the water, Grizz pushed Sam back, forcing his much too horny boyfriend against the tiled wall. Grizz felt Sam smile against his lips before his hand was on Grizz’s chest, pushing him back lightly. Grizz sighed deeply and leant against the wall with one arm, hovering over Sam as he caught his breath.

 

“I win,” Sam told him.

 

“Do you?” Grizz challenged.

 

“Uh huh.”

 

Sam slid his hands down Grizz’s toned torso to his hips, taking them and pulling Grizz flush against him. Grizz inhaled sharply when he felt Sam against his thigh, hard, erect and pushing against him. Sam’s misbehaving hands went wandering, drifting around to Grizz’s ass, and fuck, Grizz couldn’t help but to rut against Sam as the other boy squeezed his cheeks.

 

Grizz moaned, his lips falling to Sam’s neck as he easily found the hickey that had bruised overnight. He nipped at the spot, relishing in the sound of Sam’s soft whimper. He wasn’t as put together as Grizz had thought, although, he was controlling himself a lot better than Grizz was. Grizz was getting a little carried away as he embraced every little touch that Sam was offering him.

 

Sam wrapped his hand around Grizz’s cock and easily slid up and down in a quick motion. Too quick, and it was all happening too fast for Grizz to even realize just how close he was. He was so caught up in Sam that he didn’t even stop to control himself. Grizz forced his lips on Sam’s in a charged kiss that Sam took like a champion. Grizz had never wanted anyone so much in his entire life and for a split second he imagined turning Sam around, pressing him against the wall and giving in to Sam’s little fantasy of fucking him.

 

Sam turned his head to the side, freeing his lips, but that didn’t stop Grizz from going right back to his neck and attacking it.

 

“Grizz,” Sam breathed, “I want to blow you. Please let me blow you.”

 

With a wave of pleasure and a chortled groan, every little bit of tension shot through to Grizz’s cock as he came, spilling out onto Sam’s hand, which honestly at that point, wasn’t even stroking him that fast.

 

“Ugh, fuck,” Grizz panted, and he knew right at that moment he fucked up. He came way too soon and one look at the amused gleam in Sam’s eyes let him know that Sam knew it was too soon as well. Grizz’s cheeks burned and if he wasn’t already so hot in that bathroom then it would have been more than obvious to Sam that he was dying of embarrassment.

 

“You can’t just say shit like that,” Grizz glared at the boy.

 

Sam let go of Grizz as he fell into a fit of giggles, and Grizz had to remind himself that he loved this boy and didn’t really, _really_ hate him.

 

“You’re an asshole,” Grizz stepped away, his legs a little shaky. He stepped back under the water and kept his eyes off Sam as he let the water do its job, ridding him of the evidence of what happened.

 

“Wait, come back,” Sam begged.

 

“Don’t make fun of me,” Grizz snapped.

 

Sam stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Grizz’s neck, and of course Grizz couldn’t stay mad for long. He was just annoyed that he couldn’t hold out any longer.

 

“I’m sorry. That was hot. You’re hot. I like that I can make you come quick,” Sam said, “don’t be mad.”

 

Sam gave him the most apologetic look before planting kisses along Grizz’s collarbone. Grizz sighed, knowing he was giving in. He honestly loved the back and forth between himself and Sam. He loved Sam’s sass, even if it was often at his own expense. He also loved that Sam was still so hard against his thigh and, well, Grizz wasn’t cruel. He had to help the guy out.

 

Grizz had Sam back up against the wall in a flash, towering over him. Sam, for once, was like putty in Grizz’s hand as Grizz began jerking him off. Grizz kept his eyes on Sam, not wanting to miss a thing. Sam, apparently becoming shy under Grizz’s gaze, closed his eyes with his head lulled back on the tiles. Sam’s fingernails dug into Grizz’s chest as he held on for dear life, but Grizz didn’t mind the scratch marks one bit.

 

“Grizz…” Sam panted and Grizz kept up his pace, twisting and turning his hand, loving the way Sam’s hips rose and fell, meeting the movements.

 

In no time at all, Sam was jerking in Grizz’s hand and coming, hard. Sure, Grizz was quicker, but Sam came harder, so hard that the boy almost slipped on the wet floor, and if it wasn’t for Grizz’s quick reflexes, he just might have. Sam’s eyes fluttered open as he looked up at Grizz, skin flushed, eyes dark and glazed over. Grizz had never witnessed anything hotter.

 

“You okay?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam just nodded and lazily threw his arms around Grizz’s neck before catching his lips with his own. Grizz kissed him back as he carefully walked them backwards, under the water again. Fuck, Grizz really loved having a boyfriend. He really loved having _Sam_ and he had no idea how he had gone this long without him.

 

The two boys made out under the stream of water until that water began going cold and Grizz begrudgingly called it quits. Grizz turned the water off and sighed as his lips left Sam’s. When Grizz looked at Sam he noticed he was shivering, and of course he was. He felt the cold worse than anyone he had ever met.

 

Grizz stepped out of the shower first and handed Sam’s two towels because he wanted him to be extra warm, but instead, Sam took one of the towels and attacked Grizz with it. Grizz laughed, his smile going so wide it hurt, as Sam covered his head with the towel and ruffled his hair, drying it and making a complete mess at the same time. Sam let the towel fall to around Grizz’s neck once he was satisfied the hair was merely damp instead of dripping, then pulled Grizz in, planting a dozen tiny kisses on his lips. Grizz only stopped, frozen in place, when he heard a knock on the door downstairs. Grizz pulled away, looking at Sam.

 

“There’s someone at the front door,” he told Sam.

 

Sam frowned, “who?”

 

“I’m not psychic, am I?” Grizz teased.

 

The knock came again. Grizz never usually had visitors, especially in the middle of a school day, but then again Grizz was never usually home during a school day. He figured it was probably just people trying to sell stuff.

 

“Go to my room. I’ll be there in a minute,” Grizz said as he took the towel from around his neck and wrapped it around his hips. He gave Sam a peck on the lips before leaving the steamy bathroom and heading down the hall.

 

Grizz skipped down the stairs, just eager to see who the hell had interrupted his day, and wanting to get back to Sam as soon as he could. When Grizz got to the door he looked through the peephole and was more than a little shocked to see Clark standing there. What the fuck did he want? Grizz jumped back a little as Clark knocked on the door again.

 

For a moment, Grizz just stood there, contemplating whether or not to open the door. Mostly he was trying to pre-empt what Clark wanted. Was he there for a fight? Was he there because he had leant something to Grizz that he wanted back because their friendship was pretty much over after their argument? Either way, Grizz was curious so he opened the door.

 

Clark seemed a little relieved when the door opened, and he paused as he caught a glimpse of Grizz who just realized he was standing there in just a towel, but it wasn’t anything Clark had ever seen before. However, it seemed a little different now that Grizz had come out to him, even if Clark didn’t believe it.

 

“What are you doing here?” Grizz broke the silence. Clark cleared his throat as he connected with Grizz’s eyes once more.

 

“Listen, dude, no need to get all snarky. I come in peace,” Clark said, and Grizz wasn’t sure if he bought it.

 

“What do you want?” Grizz asked as he leant against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“To apologize. Fuck, Grizz, please don’t make this hard,” Clark said.

 

Grizz stood there for a moment and he could feel his resolve slipping.

 

“I’m sorry too, for shit I said about you and Gwen,” Grizz said.

 

Clark smiled in that stupid way Clark often did when things got too serious and he wanted to lighten the mood.

 

“Thanks,” Clark said, “I mean, you’re probably right about Gwen, but like…I don’t know. I just see you two being all friendly and it kills me.”

 

Grizz just nodded, because he didn’t want to get into this with Clark. He was tired of his paranoia about Gwen and he wouldn’t defend his friendship with her any longer.

 

“I know I’m probably being really fucking annoying, but just…promise me again that there’s nothing going on with the two of you,” Clark said.

 

“I promise.”

 

“Good, because I hate this shit,” Clark sighed.

 

“Hate what?”

 

“Fighting with you,” Clark’s gaze faltered, leaving Grizz’s, and Grizz had been pretty mad, but at that point he realized just how much it took for someone as stubborn as Clark was to come all the way to his house to apologize.

 

“I hate it too,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“I really am sorry for being a dick,” Clark said.

 

“Me too.”

 

“Right, you still didn’t have to make up the gay shit though,” Clark laughed, and the idiot really did think it was just some joke.

 

“I didn’t,” Grizz said.

 

“Sure you didn’t,” Clark went along with it, “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”

 

Grizz had half a mind to grab Clark around the wrist and drag him upstairs to prove to him just how gay he was with his gay boyfriend Sam, but instead, Grizz decided that it might have been best to let it go.

 

“Okay, whatever,” Grizz sighed.

 

“Right. Anyway, I gotta go before next period starts,” Clark said.

 

“Okay, thanks for coming by,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, uh, also, uhm…I don’t really know why I did it, but I kind of asked Becca out on a date tonight,” Clark said cautiously, “and now I can’t back out because that’d be weird, but like, I promise you dude, there’s nothing going on there.”

 

“Oh, right,” Grizz said, and he wasn’t all that pleased of what Clark was doing with Becca, but Grizz had to believe that Becca was a smart enough girl to see through Clark.

 

“Yeah, anyway, get better soon and I’ll see you at school,” Clark said.

 

“Sure,” Grizz nodded.

 

Grizz shut the door and headed back upstairs. He didn’t really know how to feel after that conversation. Clark was still so frustrating but at the same time he was glad they weren’t fighting anymore.

 

Grizz headed back into his room, only to find Sam laying on his bed, looking at his phone and wearing one of Grizz’s shirts and a pair of his sweats. Grizz couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He could file those clothes under clothes that now belonged to Sam.

 

“Hey, who was that?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz went over and got on the bed, laying on his stomach beside Sam.

 

“Clark. He came over to apologize,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah. I think it went kind of well, but he still doesn’t think I’m gay. Or maybe he’s in denial,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“I can talk to him if you want,” Sam offered.

 

“No, I don’t want to drag you into the drama,” Grizz said.

 

“I don’t mind,” Sam said, and Grizz shook his head before leaning over and pressing his lips to Sam’s in a soft, quick kiss, before pulling back, but still staying close.

 

“I don’t care what Clark thinks or doesn’t think. I just care that I have you,” Grizz said.

 

Sam’s face softened as he gave a small smile, before wrapping his arms around Grizz, who relaxed against Sam, cuddling into his chest. He closed his eyes, enjoying the moment, because who knew how long it would be until they got a chance to have a moment alone like this again. Maybe skipping school would have to be a weekly thing.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) Next chapter probably not until after the weekend though because I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I won't leave it for longer than a week! Promise!


	23. Cuts and Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 22 recap: Sam and Grizz skipped school and had a chat about their sexual preferences and then got a bit playful in the shower. Clark came over and apologized to Grizz but still didn't believe he's gay.

“Please, please, please,” Gwen begged, “it’ll be so much fun.”

 

Grizz finished taking his booked from his locker and turned to his friend, “I gotta ask Sam first. But I think I’ll be okay to go. My parents probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”

 

“Sam’s much funner than you are so I’m sure he’ll go,” Gwen said.

 

“Funner isn’t a word,” Grizz muttered.

 

“Shut up. Just ask him. I’ll lock it in with Seth, okay? Spring break, just Saturday and Sunday. It’ll be great,” Gwen said and she didn’t give Grizz a chance to change his mind before turning and heading down the hall.

 

Gwen was still hell bent on a double date which had now turned into a weekend away at Yale where Gwen’s sort of boyfriend Seth went. Gwen had been bugging Grizz about it constantly, and the only reason Grizz had been holding back was because he didn’t want to face the drama if Clark found out he went on a weekend away with Gwen, or the drama it’d cause if everyone found out he went away with Sam. And then Grizz would dig himself into a hole of feeling like a dick because he didn’t want Sam to be some dirty little secret, even if Grizz knew that was definitely _not_ what Sam was to him.

 

Everything had been so calm in the week that went by since his and Sam’s day off together, and Grizz didn’t want to do anything to rock the boat. Clark had backed off, really backed off. To the point where some days he wouldn’t even look at Grizz, and it was a strange kind of vibe because he didn’t seem angry with Grizz, at least Grizz didn’t think so, but sometimes Clark acted as though Grizz wasn’t even there, and when they did catch each other’s gaze, Clark would look away so quickly, sometimes even leaving the group completely, and it left Grizz puzzled because he thought things were okay.

 

Grizz quizzed Luke, asking if Clark had said anything about their argument, and Luke said that the last time he spoke to Clark about it was the day Grizz and Sam took off together. Luke had heard about the argument and told Clark he should apologize, and that made things a little clearer for Grizz. Clark was probably forced to apologize and didn’t mean it at all. Whatever the case, they didn’t feel like friends anymore. Grizz wasn’t overly concerned though. He knew one day the truth would come out about his sexuality and Sam, and Clark would have to believe him eventually.

 

Speak of the devil, Clark was walking in the opposite direction of Grizz and he was by himself. Grizz decided on one last attempt at getting things back to normal. Grizz side-stepped around a few students so he was right in Clark’s way. The other boy stopped when he glanced up seeing Grizz.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said with the warmest smile he could muster up.

 

“Hey, dude,” Clark said, but it didn’t feel natural. It wasn’t like Clark at all. “I’m gonna be late to class.”

 

“There’s, like, five minutes,” Grizz said, stepping in front of Clark when the other boy tried to walk around him.

 

“I was gonna stop at the library. Need to get a book,” Clark said, which was funny to Grizz because he wasn’t even sure Clark had stepped into a library in his entire life, and the library was in the opposite direction. Grizz didn’t mention either of those things.

 

“Oh okay. Listen, what are you doing this afternoon? We should hang out,” Grizz said.

 

Clark’s face turned into a grimace, quickly replaced by one of concentration, “uh, I can’t.”

 

“No?”

 

“No, I have to study. Big test coming up for math,” Clark said, his eyes anywhere but on Grizz’s. It was a lie. His class had a test last week.

 

“Sure,” Grizz let it go.

 

Clark nodded, “gotta go. Catch you later.”

 

Grizz watched him as he headed off down the hallway. Grizz sighed heavily, shaking his head. He just didn’t know what to do about Clark anymore, so he decided to just wait it out and hope Clark would get over it sooner or later and things could go back to normal.

 

As Grizz headed back down the hallway he passed Campbell who shot him a warning glare, and Grizz wasn’t sure what he had done that day to deserve that. Campbell had been keeping his distance from Grizz too. Most days Grizz would earn himself a smirk or sly comment threatening an outing, but it never came and Grizz was starting to wonder if Campbell was just all talk.

 

Grizz tried not to think about the sick feeling he got in his stomach at the mere sight of Campbell, and headed into his English classroom, taking his usual seat in the back of class. As Grizz sat there waiting for class to start, he took note of every person piling into the room; their teacher being the last person as she closed the door behind her.

 

For the third day in a row, Elle wasn’t there, and that was a little unusual. Elle was pretty good with her attendance. Glancing at the teacher, Grizz made sure she wasn’t paying attention to him as he took his phone of his pocket and texted Elle.

 

 **I’ve had to pair up with Dewey twice this week n I fuckin hate that guy. Where are you?** – Grizz.

 

It wasn’t until half way through the class when Grizz’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He stealthily held his phone in the book they were supposed to be reading and checked the message.

 

 **Sorry Grizz. I’m just sick.** – Elle.

 

 **That sucks. Cold or flu or ?** – Grizz.

 

 **Just a cold I think. Just thought it was best to stay away from school.** – Elle.

 

 **Any excuse will do :P** – Grizz.

 

 **Lol** – Elle.

 

 **Do you need anything?** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m okay. Don’t go bringing me homework haha** – Elle.

 

 **You haven’t missed out on much. Miss my English buddy though!!** – Grizz.

 

 **I should be back next week.** – Elle.

 

 **You better! Get some rest x** – Grizz.

 

Grizz didn’t get a reply after that, so he figured she had taken his advice. There must have been a bug or something going around because only a couple days ago both Helena and Luke were missing from school with the flu and Grizz made them a batch of his somewhat famous chicken soup. In fact, he was sure there were still leftovers he could heat up for Elle. Grizz nodded to himself. He was going to do that after school for sure.

 

\---

 

That afternoon Grizz found himself walking up the garden path to Elle’s house. He had only been there a couple of times before but always remembered it because of the rose garden out the front that Grizz admired so much. It was the only one on the street with one like it.

 

Grizz held the hot soup in a container. He probably should have texted Elle first, but he was merely going to drop it off for her and then head over to Sam’s to hang out for the rest of the afternoon. Grizz got to the front door and knocked loudly on it. He glanced around, noticing there weren’t any cars in the driveway. Hopefully Elle wasn’t too sick and was okay on her own.

 

Grizz always made a point to look after his friends after a couple of years ago when he was so sick that he felt like he was on the verge of death. His temperature was so high that he was convulsing and he was so delirious that he didn’t know who he was or where he was, and he was so scared that night and his parents didn’t check on him even once. He never wanted his friends to feel alone like that.

 

Grizz knocked on the door again after he had waited a minute, and not even five seconds later the door opened to reveal Elle. The girl stood there with her mouth half open like she was about to say something but stopped when she saw it was Grizz standing there. That wasn’t what Grizz was focusing on though. Elle didn’t look the least bit sick. She was dressed well, hair neat and tidy, make up on perfectly. The thing was, there was a huge bruise around her eye and cheek, colored yellow and red. No amount of make-up was covering that.

 

“You’re…not Campbell,” Elle said.

 

“And you…don’t look or sound sick,” Grizz said, “what happened?”

 

“I’m feeling better, I guess,” Elle said as she flicked her hair in front of her cheek, but it was too late. Grizz had already seen it.

 

“What happened to your face, Elle?” Grizz asked firmly.

 

“Nothing interesting. It was just a dumb accident,” Elle said.

 

Grizz placed the container he was holding on the ground and stepped towards Elle. She flinched as he reached out to brush her hair out of her face. Her gaze fell to the ground as Grizz gingerly touched the discolored mark taking up almost a quarter of her face.

 

“Was this Campbell?” Grizz asked.

 

“What? No! Why would you think that?” Elle said, knocking Grizz’s hand away. Grizz wasn’t stupid. He noticed the flash of fear in her eyes and the hint of doubt in her voice.

 

“Elle-“

 

“What are you doing here, Grizz?” Elle snapped.

 

“I was bringing you soup because you’re sick but clearly you’ve been off school for other reasons,” Grizz said.

 

“Grizz, please,” Elle said with desperation dripping from her voice as she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

 

“You can tell me the truth, Elle. If it was him…” Grizz trailed off.

 

“You need to go, Grizz,” Elle said, and the avoidance was the final nail in the coffin. There was no doubt in Grizz’s mind that Campbell had done this to her.

 

“What did your parents say? Do they even care?” Grizz asked, getting mad now, because how the fuck hadn’t anyone done anything about this?

 

“There’s nothing to care about!” Elle raised her voice, “I fell off my bike! That’s it!”

 

“That’s bullshit. That kind of bruise doesn’t happen from falling off a bike. That kind of bruise happens when someone hits you,” Grizz pushed, and he just kept pushing because he wanted Elle to admit the truth. He wanted a reason to go after Campbell.

 

“You’re not a doctor, Grizz. I know you think you’re so clever when it comes to this shit, but you don’t know anything,” Elle argued.

 

Grizz caught Elle’s gaze, looking at her intently as he spoke, “I want you to look me in the eye and tell me right now that Campbell didn’t do this.”

 

Elle’s dull eyes bore into Grizz’s, the two of them in an intense showdown, and it wasn’t that Grizz wanted to argue with her. He just wanted the truth so he could help her.

 

“He loves me,” Elle said.

 

“I’ll make him stop,” Grizz said.

 

“There’s nothing you can do. It’s not a big deal, okay? He likes to get a little rough in bed. It was an accident,” Elle said.

 

“If it was an accident then why spend three days off school? Why tell me you fell off your bike?” Grizz asked.

 

“You know what I noticed the other day? A bruise on Sam’s neck,” Elle said with a smug gleam in her eyes.

 

“That’s not the same and you know it. I’m not trying to fight with you, Elle. I don’t want you hurt. He’s dangerous, okay? I know he is,” Grizz said.

 

Elle’s gaze softened as she shook her head, “I can deal with him. You don’t have to worry about me.”

 

“You’re my friend. Of course I’m going to worry about you, especially when I come around and see giant bruises like this on your face,” Grizz said.

 

“We aren’t friends though. We hang out in English, that’s it. I don’t have any friends,” Elle said.

 

“I _am_ your friend. You don’t have to stay with Campbell if he’s doing this to you,” Grizz said.

 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You need to mind your own business and go home,” Elle said.

 

“Yeah Grizzy, go home,” the new voice in the conversation made Grizz’s blood run cold. He turned around, seeing Campbell standing there a few feet away from them both. Grizz clenched his fists tightly.

 

“So, what’d I miss?” Campbell asked with a smirk.

 

“Is this what you do to girls? Beat up on them?” Grizz asked.

 

“Grizz, don’t,” Elle warned.

 

“I’d listen to her, Grizz. I’d tread very, very carefully with whatever you say next,” Campbell said, his voice laced with the unspoken threat. Grizz didn’t care about Campbell outing him though.

 

Grizz walked the three steps it took to get to Campbell, and the other boy didn’t even flinch as Grizz stood barely a couple of inches from him.

 

“If you _ever_ touch her again…” Grizz trailed off.

 

“I’m not really a fan of threats,” Campbell said.

 

“It’s not a threat, it’s a promise,” Grizz said.

 

“Guys, come on,” Elle spoke softly behind them.

 

“Yeah Grizz, come on,” Campbell whispered, “you wouldn’t want to cause another bruise on her pretty face, right?”

 

“Don’t you fucking even think about touching her!” Grizz shouted as he stepped forward, chest knocking against chest in an over the top display of masculinity that Campbell only returned, shoving Grizz back.

 

“Keep your fucking nose out of where it doesn’t belong!” Campbell shouted back.

 

In a flash Elle was between them, trying her best to push them away from each other but both boys were so focused on their pure disdain towards each other.

 

“Where the fuck do you get off beating up on her, huh? Look at her face!” Grizz yelled.

 

“You don’t fuckin’ know shit!” Campbell barked back. He latched onto Grizz’s shirt, shaking at him, Campbell’s face going red and a vein threatening to pop on his forehead, and Grizz wanted to fight him.

 

“Stop it!” Elle screamed, “just stop!”

 

“Get out of the way,” Campbell snapped at his girlfriend and in one swift movement he grabbed her arm and easily tossed her to the ground. That was when Grizz’s blind rage shifted. He turned to Elle who landed on the ground with a thud and quickly realized that fighting Campbell would only make things worse.

 

“Shit, Elle, are you okay?” Grizz rushed over to her. The girl on the ground held her hands up in a dismissive wave.

 

“Stay away from her,” Campbell latched on to Grizz’s shirt and pulled him back.

 

“Get the fuck off me!” Grizz struggled as he pushed the other boy away.

 

All too quickly Campbell’s fist recoiled and launched itself right into Grizz’s face, connecting with his mouth and jaw. Grizz fell to the grass as the taste of metal filled his senses. His head spun as he shook it, trying to regain his bearings. He spat out thick, sticky blood and wiped at his mouth.

 

Campbell was on him again, pushing Grizz onto his back and hovering over him. Campbell held the front of Grizz’s shirt, his fingers bunching in the fabric as he yanked him closer, and honestly, Grizz was scared. He was scared of the look of pure evil in Campbell’s eyes, and he was scared of what Campbell was capable of in that moment.

 

“If you know what’s best for you-, no, if you know what’s best for _Sam_ , I’d stay the fuck out of my business and away from my girlfriend if I were you,” Campbell sneered. He shoved Grizz back to the ground.

 

Campbell left him there on the ground before going over to Elle and yanking her up by her forearm. He dragged her across the garden path and back into the house. The last thing Grizz saw was Elle’s apologetic look.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz groaned as he rolled around on the ground. He could take a hit, sure, but it never made it any easier, and Campbell unfortunately had a good right hook. Pain radiated from his lip through his jaw, and he could still taste blood.

 

Grizz decided to retreat. He didn’t know what else to do. It was obvious Elle wasn’t going to admit to anyone any time soon what Campbell was doing to her, and if Grizz got up and tried to go in the house then all it would result in is Campbell probably beating the shit out of him, or worse, he could hurt Elle if Grizz caused even the slightest bit of drama.

 

Grizz forced himself up from the ground, and with his head still spinning, made his way over to his car, getting inside where it was safe. Grizz flipped the visor down and looked in the mirror. Sure enough he had a split bottom lip on the left hand side that was dripping blood.

 

“Fucking asshole,” Grizz muttered. He flipped the visor back up and turned the key in the ignition, letting the engine roar back to life.

 

For a moment, Grizz sat there, letting himself calm down enough to be able to drive. He was fuming and he felt so useless. He had no idea what to do. He just knew that he wanted to be around Sam, so the moment the dizziness left his mind, he drove off down the street towards Sam’s house.

 

It wasn’t too long until he was outside, parked on the curb, and he hesitated, because did he really want to drag Sam into all of this? He had a busted lip, so Sam would ask questions one way or the other and Grizz didn’t feel like lying to him, and he also really wanted Sam to tell him what he was supposed to do now. Was there a point in going to the cops if Elle was just going to lie to protect Campbell?

 

Grizz took a breath and gathered his thoughts before taking out his phone and texting Sam.

 

 **Hey, I’m here.** – Grizz.

 

 **Front doors unlocked. I’m in my room. Too lazy to get up!** – Sam.

 

Grizz smiled, flinching when his lips stretched. Once again he cursed Campbell in his head before getting out of the car. Sam’s parents weren’t home. They never were in the afternoons. Grizz let himself into the house like instructed and headed up to Sam’s room. He wondered just how long they would have until Campbell turned up, or if Campbell would stay with Elle for a while. Grizz would’ve preferred Campbell come home because at least Elle would be safe. With that thought in mind he sent a text to Elle.

 

 **Let me know if everything is okay. I’m sorry if I made it worse. ­** – Grizz.

 

Grizz shoved his phone in his pocket as he reached Sam’s door. He pushed it open, and Sam had been waiting for him, sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap. The moment Sam’s eyes locked on Grizz’s, he snapped his laptop shut and leapt off his bed, rushing over.

 

“What happened?” Sam asked, taking Grizz’s face in his hands.

 

“What? Aren’t wounds like this considered sexy?” Grizz joked, but Sam wasn’t having any of it.

 

“That looks like it hurts. What happened?” Sam asked again.

 

Grizz sighed, taking Sam’s hand in his, “I got in a fight, okay? But it’s fine. I’m fine.” Grizz said.

 

“Was it Clark?” Sam frowned.

 

“No.”

 

“Well?” Sam signed, his hands going a little wild, probably getting frustrated because Grizz wasn’t giving up too much information.

 

“I went to see Elle, like I told you, and she had this huge bruise on her face, and…fuck Sam. Campbell did it to her,” Grizz said.

 

“Did she say that?” Sam asked.

 

“She didn’t have to,” Grizz said, “but then Campbell turned up and we fought…well, he hit me.”

 

Sam’s eyes glistened as he stayed quiet, his gaze flicking from Grizz’s eyes, to his cut lip.

 

“Sit down. I’ll get something to clean that up,” Sam said.

 

“You don’t have to,” Grizz said.

 

“Sit,” Sam ordered as he nudged Grizz towards the bed.

 

Grizz did as he was told and sat on the edge of the bed. Sam disappeared from the room and came back a moment later with a wet cloth, some cotton buds and a tube of ointment. Sam sat next to Grizz, facing him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

 

“Why? It’s not your fault,” Grizz said.

 

“He’s my brother,” Sam said.

 

“Still not your fault,” Grizz said.

 

Sam didn’t say anything, he just took Grizz’s chin and made him look directly at him. Sam gently dabbed at the cut and Grizz’s chin, cleaning it off any blood that had dripped down. Grizz would’ve been perfectly capable of doing it himself, but it was a lot nicer having Sam look after him.

 

“I don’t know what to do. Elle’s never gonna admit the truth,” Grizz said.

 

“Nothing we can do except let her come to us,” Sam said.

 

“If he hurts her again I swear-“

 

“Don’t go near him,” Sam interrupted, “please, just stay away.”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Grizz said.

 

Sam looked up from Grizz’s lip to his eyes, staring right into them, “you don’t get it. Please, Grizz. Promise me you’ll stay out of his way.”

 

“I’m just so fucking pissed at him. I’m, like, shaking,” Grizz said, and he was. His hands hadn’t stopped trembling since Campbell first turned up at Elle’s.

 

Sam didn’t say anything, and he didn’t need to either, because instead he leant forward and pressed his lips against the right side of Grizz’s in a gentle kiss, narrowly avoiding the cut. Sam kissed him again, a little firmer this time, and Grizz felt his insides unravel as he relaxed, even if for only a fraction. Sam pulled back, giving Grizz the softest look, and Grizz wondered why Sam wasn’t as angry as he was.

 

“Have you ever noticed him hurt her before?” Grizz asked curiously.

 

Sam shook his head, “no. I had an idea, sometimes. But no.”

 

Grizz analysed every little detail on Sam’s face until something dawned on him.

 

“Has he ever hurt _you_?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam looked away, acting as though he hadn’t seen what Grizz had said. Sam popped open the tube of white ointment that Grizz had no clue what it was, and poured a little onto a cotton bud before dabbing at the cut. Grizz took Sam’s wrist, stopping him.

 

“Sam. Has Campbell ever hurt you?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m not answering that,” Sam said.

 

“Why? Because he did? I swear I’ll fucking-“

 

Sam’s lips were on Grizz’s again, not caring that he was touching the cut, and Grizz not caring that it hurt a whole fucking lot. He sighed into the kiss as once again he felt his entire body relax. Sam pulled back all too soon but kept his hands on Grizz’s cheeks, leaving the two boys facing each other.

 

“You’ll what? You’re too soft to do anything,” Sam said fondly, “you wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

 

“He’s not a fly. He’s a snake. If he so much as touches you, ever, I _will_ kill him,” Grizz promised.

 

“So macho,” Sam teased.

 

“I mean it, Sam. I’ll fucking kill him,” Grizz said.

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip and didn’t say a thing. All he did was move closer to Grizz and put his arms around him in a tight hug. There was nothing Grizz could do except hug Sam back, and know that they would both be watching Campbell’s every move to try and protect Elle however they could. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't a very long chapter but I really wanted to put something out! It's a necessary chapter though. Thanks for reading!


	24. College

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 23 recap: Gwen bugged Grizz about their double date weekend away. Clark avoided Grizz because ????? Elle went MIA and Grizz went to her house and saw she had a giant bruise on her face. It was obvious Campbell did it and when Campbell turned up too he fought with Grizz and punched him in the face but hey at least we got Sam taking care of Grizz and cleaning the cut afterwards, right?

Sam’s lips. Sam’s tongue. Sam’s hands. Sam’s _body_. Grizz was drowning in Sam, Sam, _Sam_ , and well, if that was how he was going to die then so be it. Mark on his tomb stone that he died very, very fucking happy. It wasn’t even Grizz’s intention to get in the back seat with Sam early that morning. In fact, Grizz had only planned on talking to Sam when he suggested they drive by their usual spot near the river before school, but when Sam started on Grizz’s neck the moment Grizz turned the car off, he figured there was no harm in indulging a little.

 

Grizz was on top of Sam, the boy below him clutched onto his shirt with one hand, the other tugged on the stray pieces of hair that wouldn’t go up in his tiny bun. Sam had his thighs hitched up over Grizz’s hips, and _fuck_ Grizz was getting a little carried away. He wondered how far they could go without going too far, because Grizz really did have to talk to Sam. That was the entire point of their rendezvous.

 

He was going to pull back, really, Grizz was. He was for the past five minutes but just couldn’t bring himself to part from Sam’s addictive lips. It wasn’t until Sam began undoing Grizz’s belt that Grizz finally made the decision to stop things there. Grizz shook his head, breaking the kiss before looking down at Sam, waiting for him to open his eyes, and when he did, Grizz was met with disappointment.

 

“We can’t. We have to get to school,” Grizz said.

 

“We have time,” Sam argued.

 

“But I actually have some things to tell you,” Grizz said, and damn it was taking everything in him not to close the gap between them again, especially when he could feel just how excited Sam was against him.

 

“We can talk later,” Sam said before doing what Grizz fought not to do. He kissed Grizz and for a moment there, Grizz gave in, kissing the boy back hard. When Sam went for his belt again, Grizz had to physically remove himself from his boyfriend, and well, if that wasn’t just the hardest thing Grizz had ever had to do.

 

Grizz sat up, leaning back against the door. He took a deep breath in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. Sam being, well, Sam, sat up and gave Grizz the cheekiest little smirk before going for his neck, kissing the soft skin lightly, and Grizz had to hold back a moan. No, he couldn’t give in. He needed to talk to Sam.

 

“What do you want to tell me?” Sam whispered in his ear before mounting Grizz, straddling his hips. Grizz could barely concentrate as his boyfriend kissed up his jawline before settling on his lips, biting the bottom one gently.

 

Sam finally pulled back a little, but stayed close, his hands around the back of Grizz’s neck, and Grizz held his hips, not wanting him to get off at all despite the situation Sam was causing in Grizz’s jeans. Sam’s gaze fell to Grizz’s lips before he tenderly brushed his thumb over yesterday’s cut that was healing nicely, well, hopefully still healing after Sam’s attack.

 

“Okay, so,” Grizz breathed out heavily as he reluctantly let go of Sam’s hips to sign what he knew of what he was speaking, “there’s two things. First, what are you doing for spring break?”

 

“No plans yet,” Sam said.

 

“Cool, so Gwen met this guy at a Yale trip that she really likes, and she’s been bugging me to head up there with her to meet him again, and she suggested a double date,” Grizz explained.

 

“Really? You and me on a date in public?” Sam was surprised, and Grizz didn’t blame him given how secretive Grizz insisted on being.

 

“Well, yeah. No one up there knows us so…” Grizz shrugged.

 

“Could be fun. What’s the plan?” Sam asked.

 

“We drive there on Saturday and meet the guy, then apparently there’s some party that night and we head home on Sunday in time for when school’s back,” Grizz said.

 

“Where will we stay?”

 

“Gwen will stay with Seth in his dorm. As for us, Gwen said she’s going to borrow her brother’s van and we can stay in the back,” Grizz said, and it really did sound like a lot of fun. Grizz was just, as always, over thinking about everything.

 

“Romance is alive,” Sam teased.

 

“Shut up,” Grizz laughed, “if you don’t want to go that’s fine. I don’t mind.”

 

“No, I’ll go. If I can get past my parents. I’ll tell them I’m staying at Becca’s,” Sam said.

 

“Okay cool. Gwen will be happy. She’s been bugging me about this for weeks,” Grizz said.

 

“Do you want to go?” Sam asked.

 

“Spending time with you away from all the drama? I kind of think I need that,” Grizz said.

 

Sam’s lips pulled into a small smile before he leant forward and kissed Grizz. It was short and sweet but made Grizz want more, but they were running out of time before they had to be at school.

 

“What else did you want to tell me?” Sam asked when he pulled back. 

 

“Okay, so, yesterday I got some mail,” Grizz said, the excitement bubbling up in him.

 

“Fascinating,” Sam mocked.

 

“Shut up,” Grizz scolded but leant forward to kiss Sam’s nose quickly. Sam giggled, pushing him back.

 

“Go on. You got mail and?”

 

“And…I got accepted into Duke on full scholarship,” Grizz said.

 

“Wait, where?” Sam asked.

 

“Duke,” Grizz said, finger-spelling the university.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Grizz beamed because it was the good news he had been waiting for, and it had eliminated so much anxiety when it came to his parents and where his life was heading. Getting a scholarship gave him the freedom he needed. It was something to fall back on if something ever happened with his parents.

 

“On full scholarship?” Sam asked.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Academic or football?”

 

“Academic,” Grizz said proudly.

 

“Aww, look at my little nerd go. Grizz, that’s so great. Congratulations,” Sam said before he wrapped his arms around Grizz’s neck in a tight hug.

 

Grizz hugged him back just as tightly. The moment went on a little longer than a normal hug should have, and when Grizz’s arms loosened, Sam’s stayed just as secure as they had been. Grizz frowned a little, wondering what had gotten Sam so clingy, and in the back of his mind he knew the answer.

 

“Wow, Duke,” Sam said as he finally pulled back, “that’s so cool. I knew you were smart.”

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said in pride, “I haven’t told anyone else yet. I wanted you to be the first to know.”

 

“I’m honored. Have you accepted yet?” Sam asked.

 

“Not yet, but I’m going to. Duke was up there with my top picks and I got rejected from the others,” Grizz told him.  

 

“Wow, Duke. Wow,” Sam was seemingly shocked, and Grizz was a little too. He knew he had good grades but with the few rejection letters he received, he had begun to give up hope.  

 

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. And like, now I feel like I don’t have to rely on my parents as much anymore, you know?” Grizz said.  

 

“I’m really happy for you, Grizz.”

 

And Sam was smiling, but the thing was that Grizz knew Sam’s smile. He knew Sam’s _real, genuine_ smile, and that wasn’t it. Grizz wasn’t dumb. He was excited, yes, but he wasn’t stupid or insensitive. He may have gotten a little carried away with being accepted, but he knew this could be a hurdle. Of course he had thought about what it meant for himself and Sam if he moved away.

 

“You’re upset,” Grizz said.

 

“No,” Sam shook his head.

 

“I know Duke is far away,” Grizz said.

 

“Don’t think about that. You got into college. This is amazing. It’s great,” Sam’s voice was barely a whisper and not a moment later he had tears in his eyes. He knew it too because he closed them, shaking his head. “Fuck. Sorry.”

 

Sam had the car door open and was outside in a flash, his body leaving Grizz’s to cool down, but Grizz didn’t want to cool down. He wanted Sam close to him again. Grizz couldn’t help but feel awful. Seeing Sam upset like that made the doubt creep in. When Grizz opened that acceptance letter the night before he was so overjoyed, and sure he had thought about Sam too, but that excitement over clouded just how upset he really would be to leave Sam.

 

The thing was, Grizz had so much confidence in their relationship that he knew they’d make it work. Distance was just that; distance. And that distance wouldn’t be forever. Grizz was head over heels in love with Sam. There was no way Grizz _wouldn’t_ make it work. Sam though, he looked so hurt that it had Grizz thinking maybe he didn’t have to go away. Maybe he had to think about it more or wait for closer colleges and universities to get back to him.

 

Grizz got out of the car and went to where Sam was just outside, leaning against the driver’s side door. Grizz stood in front of him just as the boy wiped his tears on the sleeve of his hoodie. Fuck. Grizz fucked up.

 

“I’m a dick,” Sam said.

 

“You’re not a dick,” Grizz said, and stepped forward when he realized Sam wasn’t looking at him. He took Sam’s hands, moving them from his face and laced their fingers together before repeating, “you’re not a dick.”

 

“I am. It’s your moment and… I’m sorry. I’m excited for you. I really am,” Sam insisted.

 

Grizz chewed on his bottom lip. He just wanted to make this better.

 

“I could still just go to a college here in Connecticut. I can,” Grizz said, “I applied to a couple just in case.”

 

“No. No way. You are not staying here for me,” Sam said.

 

“I would.”

 

“I know you would, and that’s why I won’t let you,” Sam argued.

 

“I want to be with you, Sam. Like…seriously,” Grizz said, his voice shaking a little because he really didn’t want this to be a thing. He didn’t want Sam to think he was abandoning him here.

 

“I know. We can make it work long distance, right?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, “of course. I’ll come back and visit all the time. I promise.”

 

“You better,” Sam smiled, and at least it was a real one. It seemed so simple, right. Grizz would go to college and after that? Sam would be going to college in a year, and then? In that moment it didn’t matter to Grizz, because he didn’t care how many years they were both off in college. There was no one else Grizz would ever want so he’d do long distance for as long as it took and he could only hope Sam was on the same page as him.

 

“Where do you want to go? Have you thought about applications?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t care where I go. I’ll go somewhere close to you,” Sam said.

 

“No. You can’t base your decisions off me,” Grizz argued.

 

“I’m not. I’m basing them on me and what I want. And I want to be close to you. I don’t have my heart set on a single college. Don’t know if I even want to go to one,” Sam said.

 

“What do you want to do after school then?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t know, really. I think I want to help kids like me,” Sam said.

 

“Deaf?”

 

“That, and gay, and…”

 

“And?”

 

“And people like Elle. People that deal with people like Campbell. I want to help people,” Sam said.

 

“Like social worker sort of stuff?” Grizz asked.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Do you need college for that?”

 

“I can go to any college for that,” Sam assured him, and everything Sam was saying made sense. Grizz just didn’t want Sam following him around if it wasn’t going to be in his best interest.

 

“I just want you to do what’s best for you,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled, “don’t you worry about me.”

 

Grizz smiled back and let go of Sam’s hands, sliding his own hands up to Sam’s shoulder’s instead and looking him in the eyes.

 

“Are you okay?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shrugged, “I guess. I’m just thinking of all the sexting we’re gonna do.”

 

Grizz laughed, shaking his head at his boyfriend, “that’s the spirit.”

 

Sam wrapped his arms around Grizz’s neck and glanced down at his lips.

 

“I’m happy for you. I really am,” Sam said genuinely.

 

“I know,” Grizz murmured, “I love you.”

 

Grizz heart stopped for a moment as the words left his lips. He wasn’t even scared that he said it out loud. He wasn’t upset that he somehow just _knew_ Sam wasn’t going to say it back. Saying those three words filled Grizz’s chest with a warmth that he had never felt before, and he never wanted to let go of that feeling.

 

Sam smiled as he leant in and pressed his lips against Grizz’s in a slow kiss. Grizz knew in that moment that everything would be fine between them. Grizz would make it work. He had to, because he couldn’t imagine his life without Sam in it now that he had him, and perhaps that was a little over the top for a couple of teenagers still in high school, but that was truly how Grizz felt. In Grizz’s mind, nothing could tear them apart.

 

“We gotta get to school,” Grizz said when they pulled apart.

 

“Let’s skip again,” Sam suggested.

 

“You’re a bad influence,” Grizz poked Sam’s sides, making the other boy laugh and flinch away.

 

“You’re a goody two shoes. Now drive me to school, taxi boy,” Sam ordered.

 

“Watch your attitude or you can walk,” Grizz said.

 

“Yes, sir,” Sam said with a cheeky grin, and before Grizz could scold him for using that word, he ran around the side of the car and got in. Grizz rolled his eyes. Fuck, he really, _really_ loved this boy.

 

\---

 

Grizz made it to school with enough time to meet up with Luke, Clark and Jason. He saw the three of them walking down the hall and rushed to catch up with them. It was game day, and when they had a game they always tried to hang out a lot together. Jason said it was all part of being a cohesive group, and some nonsense about team spirit.

 

“Hey guys, you pumped for the game against East Ham tonight?” Grizz said when he got to them. He wiggled his way between Clark and Luke, and all three boys looked at him but none gave an answer.

 

“What the hell happened to you?” Luke asked. Oh right, the cut on his lip. Grizz had barely thought up a lie. There was no way he was going to tell them it was Campbell because he didn’t want to make things worse.

 

“Oh? This? It’s nothing. Don’t worry,” Grizz said.

 

“Who did that?” Clark asked in his most macho, protective voice and it warmed Grizz’s insides a little because, hey, maybe they were on the right track to being friends again.

 

“Yeah, we’ll fuck him up. Don’t think I won’t,” Jason added.

 

“It was just…nobody. Some guy outside Walmart. I think he was on drugs,” Grizz said.

 

“Fuck man, did you at least get a few good hits in?” Jason asked.

 

“Nah, you know me. I don’t like fighting,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you okay?” Clark asked and Grizz glanced up at him warily, because Clark was so wishy-washy that he didn’t know if he could trust that they could really be friends again.

 

“Yeah. I’m good. It was just some idiot swinging his fists around,” Grizz lied.

 

“You gotta be more careful. Can’t have one of our star players dropping out of tonight’s game because of an injury,” Luke said.

 

“It’s a busted lip, I think I’ll be fine,” Grizz rolled his eyes.

 

“Plus, battle wounds are hot,” Jason said. Grizz merely laughed as he reached over and shoved Jason.

 

The four boys kept on going down the hall, talking about the game that night and the lack of good players on the opposing team. Grizz was barely paying attention to anything else other than his friends when someone ran into him, and hard, so hard that Grizz stumbled to the side and lost his footing, falling into Clark’s waiting arms. It was a good thing Clark had quick reflexes. He was also quick to shove Grizz off him once he was steady.

 

“My bad,” Campbell sneered as all four football players turned to the culprit of the more than obvious attack. Grizz hated him. He really, truly, with everything in him, _hated_ Campbell.

 

“Hey fuckface, what the fuck was that? Why don’t you watch where your skinny ass is going?” Clark barked at Campbell.

 

“Naww, isn’t that just the sweetest, sticking up for him. But don’t you know your faggot boy over there is already taken?” Campbell taunted, and Grizz’s blood went both hot and cold at the same time.

 

Grizz didn’t even have to retaliate, because Clark went off, that hot head of his taking the lead as he grabbed Campbell by the shirt and slammed him against the lockers. By now they had a crowd of people watching what was going on, but Grizz didn’t care about them. He was sure Clark was about to _murder_ Campbell then and there.

 

“Clark, stop!” Luke shouted and Jason was trying, and failing, to pull Clark back. Clark just kept going at Campbell, getting in his face, and what made it worse was that Campbell was just standing there, looking entertained as always.

 

“You’ll get fucking suspended before the game tonight,” Jason said as he pulled Clark back, and when Clark went to go at Campbell’s smug face again, Grizz decided he had to do something. Grizz stepped between the two boys, his back to Campbell because fuck that guy. Grizz put his hand to Clark’s chest, and the slightly taller boy looked at Grizz, confusion etched all over his face.

 

“Clark, stop,” Grizz said firmly.

 

Clark was still fuming. Grizz could see it in his eyes, but Grizz wasn’t moving from between the two until Clark calmed down, because Jason was right, if they got into a fight then they’d be out of the game tonight and that would be a disaster.

 

Grizz raised his eyebrows at Clark, silently asking if he was good now. All Clark did was huff menacingly and slap Grizz’s hand away from his chest before storming off down the hall. Grizz sighed in relief. The crowd around them dispersed a little, but curious eyes were still on them. Grizz didn’t care though.

 

“Ooh, Gareth, does Sammy know what’s going on there? I can feel the sexual tension from here,” Campbell whispered in Grizz’s ear.

 

The mere mention of Sam’s name coming from Campbell’s lips had Grizz seeing red. He spun around, and he swore he was going to hit Campbell. He really was. He’d never get to find out if he’d go through with it though because both Luke and Jason had each of his arms and were pulling him across the other side of the hallway.

 

“Let it go, buddy,” Jason said.

 

“Jesus, guys, all I did was _accidentally_ run into him. No need for such a song and dance,” Campbell called out.

 

“Walk away!” Jason shouted out as he let go of Grizz. Grizz watched as Jason took a few threatening steps towards Campbell, and as always, Campbell was cool and composed as he held his hands up in surrender and backed away, but Grizz knew this was _not_ a surrender and Campbell would probably never leave him alone. He really didn’t want to let Campbell get to him, but when he had that smug look on his face it was really hard.

 

“Some guy from Walmart, huh?” Luke asked.

 

Grizz didn’t grant Luke a response to that. He hated how Luke seemed to just _know_ everything when he probably didn’t know shit. Grizz was in a mood and didn’t want to take it out on Luke, so he just broke free of Luke’s grasp on him before stalking off down the hall towards his first class, ignoring the stares of curious students who had no idea what just happened.

 

Grizz headed into his English class thinking it would be exactly how it had been for the entire week, but there was one thing different. Elle was there, sitting in her usual spot up the back next to Grizz’s desk. His anger deflated and was instead replaced by concern. He sat down next to her, taking note of the make up that she caked onto her face, and if Grizz hadn’t known that there was a bruise under it all, he wouldn’t have noticed a difference in her face at all.

 

“Hey, Elle, how are you?” Grizz asked.

 

“I need you to not talk to me, Grizz,” she murmured, keeping her eyes focused on the front of the classroom.

 

“Okay. I’m here if you need anything,” Grizz said.

 

Elle nodded, and honestly, fuck Campbell. He was trying to ruin his and Sam’s relationship. He was getting into Grizz’s head, into Clark’s head, and now he was probably the cause of Elle not wanting to talk to him. Grizz couldn’t even remember what the fuck he did to make Campbell hate him so much. Was it really because he and Sam were happy together?

 

“I’m sorry he hit you,” Elle said, barely audible, but Grizz caught it.

 

“I’m sorry he hit you too,” Grizz said.

 

Elle didn’t say anything. She looked down at her notebook, and Grizz didn’t want to push her anymore. He had to trust that Elle would come to him when she was ready. A huge part of Grizz didn’t understand why she couldn’t just break up with Campbell, but another part of Grizz knew it wasn’t that easy. He knew Campbell had his claws in deep and Elle, well, Elle was scared, and it broke Grizz’s heart. He swore, if anything else happened to Elle and she didn’t leave that sack of shit, then Grizz was going to tell someone. Her parents? A teacher? The cops? It didn’t matter, but someone had to know.

 

Grizz’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out jut as the lesson started and saw a text from Sam.

 

 **People are saying Campbell and your friends fought?** – Sam.

 

 **He was just being a dick. Don’t worry about it.** – Grizz.

 

 **What happened?** – Sam.

 

 **Don’t worry about it.** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m not a fucking child Grizz. Tell me.** – Sam.

 

 **He ran into me in the hall. Provoked Clark. Usual shit. ­** – Grizz.

 

 **Can we hang out after school?** – Sam.

 

 **I have a game.** – Grizz.

 

 **Oh yeah duh.** – Sam.

 

 **And hanging at Luke’s after but I’m all yours tomorrow.** – Grizz.

 

 **Okay. I’m sorry about Campbell.** – Sam.

 

 **Not your fault.** – Grizz.

 

 **I’ll make him stop.** – Sam.

 

 **Don’t go near him. I know you’re not a child but please. Let him hate us. What’s the worst he could do?** – Grizz.

 

 **Gotta go. Ms. Chan is evil eyeing me.** – Sam.

 

Grizz sighed as he shoved his phone into his pocket. He wished he had taken Sam’s offer of skipping school that day.

 

\---

 

The football players of West Ham High won their game that night. It was easy, really. East Ham had nothing on them, and Grizz, along with Clark, had both been so pumped up and ready to fuck shit up that they had dominated the game with just how much energy they both had.

 

By the time Grizz and his group of friends made it back to Luke’s house afterwards, Grizz was on a bit of a drop. Fatigue was setting in and he was just glad there wasn’t a party that night and he could just hang out with his friends. He rifled through Luke’s parent’s fridge, not that they cared. They were upstairs in bed by that point. Grizz found the bottle of water he was searching for and headed to the others who had all made themselves comfortable in the living room.

 

Luke and Helena sat on one of the loveseats, as usual. Gwen was on a bean bag and Jason sprawled out on the carpet next to her. That left the spot next to Clark on the other couch. Grizz sat down next to him. The group didn’t really have any plans except to listen to music and drink, and maybe watch a movie later. Grizz was only having water because he was sure he’d want to drive home later.

 

“Bathroom,” Clark muttered next to Grizz before swiftly getting up and heading out of the room. Grizz wondered if it was because he had sat down next to Clark that made the other boy get up, but Grizz figured he was just overthinking it. It was just that Clark had been so hot and cold with him lately, like that very morning. Clark defended him with Campbell, but then at the game, in the locker rooms, and then at Luke’s, Clark wouldn’t even look at him. It was like Clark couldn’t decide if he hated Grizz or not and Grizz just wanted him to make up his damn mind because he was getting whiplash.

 

“Oh my God, have you guys seen this?” Gwen said as she flashed her phone at the group.

 

“What?” Luke asked.

 

“Somebody stole the tires on Dewey and Harry’s cars,” Gwen laughed.

 

“What, seriously?” Helena asked.

 

“Yeah. Apparently after the game tonight they went back out to their cars and the tires were just gone,” Gwen told them as she focused on the phone screen again.

 

“Weird,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, weird,” Jason added.

 

Grizz glanced over at Jason who gave him a wink. Here’s the truth. Grizz was pissed at Harry and Dewey for being involved in dragging Sam from his room that one night. He wanted to get back at them, no matter how petty it sounded, and sure, Grizz wanted to do _a lot_ worse than what he had done, but the tire incident was a start.

 

Going to Jason for help was a no-brainer to Grizz. Jason was a no questions asked kind of guy who knew all the right people. It was just a prank and the tires were left waiting at the boy’s respective houses, but it felt good to fuck with them a little on Sam’s behalf.

 

“Do you think there’s cameras in the school parking lot?” Helena pondered.

 

Grizz looked at Jason again and the other boy subtly shook his head. Grizz gave out a little sigh in relief, because sure, it wasn’t him who had physically done the dirty work but he still didn’t want anyone else to get in trouble for his revenge.

 

“Probably not,” Luke answered his girlfriend’s question.

 

Clark came back into the room at that point and took up residence next to Jason on the floor, and Grizz felt a little pang in his chest. What more did he have to do for Clark to _not_ hate him? Grizz felt like he had to say something, anything, to try and provoke a conversation, just to see if Clark really was avoiding him again.

 

“Uh, I’ve got news,” Grizz said randomly, and he wasn’t actually planning on telling them all at that moment, but all eyes were on him so he had to say something. “I got into Duke on full scholarship.”

 

“Dude, you serious?” Luke asked.

 

“Wow, congrats, Grizz. I knew you had it in you,” Helena said with an angelic smile on her face.

 

“For football?” Jason asked.

 

“No! Fuck you! That’s too far away! What about S-, uh, your parents? What about me, huh? You ever think of how you’re abandoning your friends?” Gwen ranted.

 

The questions seemed to come all at once, but the one person he had been baiting for a reaction sat there quietly, emptying his bottle of beer.

 

“Uh okay, yes Luke, I’m serious. Thank you, Helena. No, not for football. And don’t worry, Gwen, I’ll still come back to visit. My parents,” Grizz paused, knowing that Gwen was _really_ asking about Sam, “they understand. It’ll be fine.”

 

“That’s so awesome, man. I mean, it sucks you’ll be, like, not here,” Jason said.

 

“It’s not like he’s the only one going away,” Luke said.

 

“Yeah, Luke and I both got into NYU so we’ll be heading to New York,” Helena added.

 

“What the fuck, you’re just telling us now?” Gwen asked, her eyes wide as her neck cracked with how fast she turned to look at them.

 

“We only got our letters last week,” Helena defended, genuinely scared of Gwen.  

 

“That’s cute as shit, you two going off together,” Grizz said, and he was a little jealous of them.

 

“Am I the only one going to still be here?” Jason asked.

 

“You _want_ to stay here. And I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. Hopefully going somewhere closeby,” Gwen said with a shrug, and Grizz knew she’d want to be close to Yale, only Gwen didn’t have the grades to get in, but there were other schools she could go to.

 

“I’ll still be here,” Clark piped up.

 

“At least I got my main bro,” Jason said as he fist bumped Clark

 

“You got it, J. I need another beer,” Clark said as he got up off the floor and headed to the kitchen.

 

The others kept talking and Grizz was too busy watching the spot Clark just disappeared from. Grizz was giving himself a pep talk. Just _one_ more attempt at getting things back to normal with Clark. Just one, and then Grizz was going to give up.

 

Grizz jumped up from the couch and followed Clark into the kitchen. Clark was elbow deep in the fridge, searching for a drink. Grizz waited until he had it and shut the door before greeting him.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said.

 

Clark jumped a little and looked over at Grizz before nodding his head, “hey.”

 

“You alright?” Grizz asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Clark asked.

 

“I don’t know. Just with Campbell this morning and all,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“I don’t care about that fucker,” Clark snapped.

 

“Good, you shouldn’t,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz was expecting Clark to walk out but instead he opened the beer and leant against the counter.

 

“What’s Campbell got against you?” Clark asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Grizz lied, “I think he’s just a dick.”

 

“If he’s causing you any trouble, you know you can tell us. We’ll fuck him up,” Clark said.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz chuckled, “I appreciate that, but it was nothing, really. I don’t know what his deal is.”

 

Clark’s eyes narrowed in concentration as he looked Grizz up and down, and Grizz stood there wondering what the hell was going on in Clark’s head, well, he was mostly wondering if Clark still hated him or not.

 

“Why’d he call you a faggot?” Clark asked out of nowhere. Grizz shrugged because yeah, he could tell Clark it was because he’s gay and Campbell knew it, but Clark wouldn’t believe him, but he was also tired of lying.

 

“I don’t know, Clark,” Grizz sighed, “you tell me.”

 

Clark shrugged and looked down his shoes before throwing another curveball at Grizz.

 

“So, I’m thinking of asking Becca out again,” Clark said.

 

“Really?” Grizz asked in shock, because honestly, Becca had texted him telling him the date was so boring and there was nothing there. She said it was awkward and they barely had a single thing in common to talk about.

 

“Yeah,” Clark looked back up through long eyelashes, “you okay with that?”

 

“Uh, yes?” Grizz said.

 

“Good,” Clark commented, and then he stepped by Grizz and headed out of the kitchen, leaving Grizz to wonder if Clark had been so weird with Grizz lately because he wanted to ask Becca out again. Grizz figured that maybe Clark thought Grizz would be upset with him about it, but Grizz wasn’t upset. He was just confused, speculating if Clark was still trying to get back at Grizz or if Clark actually, legitimately liked Becca. He hoped for the latter, maybe, but then again was the world really ready for Clark to have a crush on _another_ girl that wasn’t interested in him?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has come to my attention that apparently there's like...football seasons...like...they play in particular months? And boy am I way off but let's just roll with it okay because in my damn alternate universe it's football all year round but only on selective dates that fit this story lmao.  
> ALSO I don't know a whole lot about colleges/universities in America and how the system works so let's just roll with whatever I've written too. I'm just a dumb Australian.  
> Thanks for reading, team!


	25. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 24 recap: Grizz got into Duke university and told Sam who tried to be happy but is worried about what will happen when Grizz will move away. Grizz assured him they can make long distance work. Luke, Clark and Jason noticed the cut on Grizz's lip and after an altercation with Campbell in the hallway they all got defensive AF, especially Clark, but Clark is still being weird and avoiding Grizz and wants to take Becca on a date even though Grizz knows Becca isn't interested????? Confusion.

Sam never thought he’d be so attracted to an athlete, especially the football jock type. Any guy that Sam had ever had a crush on had been more on the geeky side or really pretty boys. Grizz was different and yet somehow Sam had never been more attracted to a person in his entire life. He used to roll his eyes at the aggressive dude-bros that would bump chests and get in each other’s faces in the name of a sport and yet, Sam was watching Grizz at his football game as Grizz did all of those things with his team mates, and all Sam wanted to do was, well, make Grizz _come_.

 

Jesus, that was all he thought about lately. Sure, he really, _really_ liked the guy but his hormones took over ninety per cent of the time and he just wanted to touch Grizz, take his clothes off, make him hard, feel the vibrations of his moans against his neck and make him come undone. Sam wanted to have his fucking babies, if only that were possible.

 

Sam found that he loved going to Grizz’s games, and he loved how competitive he got, even if they were just friendly practice games during the off season. All Grizz’s friends actually got ridiculously serious about it, and that night it seemed like Grizz and Clark were running the show, and Sam found it so damn attractive just how good Grizz was, how fast he was, how he caught the ball with ease and dodged other players so gracefully.

 

The game was over before Sam knew it and the Centurions had won, and Sam couldn’t keep back the smile as he watched Grizz celebrate with his friends. Grizz was such a dork and Sam _loved_ it. He loved how he took football so seriously. He loved Grizz’s messy little bun. He loved how good he looked sweaty. He even loved the way he tucked his pants into his socks and looked like a complete fashion idiot but didn’t care. And he loved that he was seemingly this dumb jock but at the same time was so smart and soft. Sam loved Grizz in his entirety.

 

Grizz was coming Sam’s way, along with the rest of the team, like a heard off cattle making their way to the locker rooms. Grizz looked so damn good all dishevelled, hair a mess, sweat dripping from him. Sam figured that if Grizz was going to hang out with his own friends that night, then he would at least go to his game and watch him from afar.

 

Sam kept his focus on Grizz, hoping his boyfriend would notice him because, well, Sam craved the attention sometimes. He got his wish when Grizz looked up from his conversation with Luke. Grizz smiled that dazzling smile that had Sam’s stomach flipping, and to top it off, Grizz winked. He _winked_ at Sam, and well, how the hell was Sam supposed to go the rest of the night without him?

 

Sam held back his smile but his cheeks were burning red. He watched Grizz as he left the field and eventually, unfortunately, disappeared from sight. As soon as he did, Sam felt a hard wack against his arm. For a moment there, Sam thought he was alone. Well, obviously he wasn’t. He was on the bleachers with many people surrounding him, but he forgot he came there with Becca, Gordie, Cassandra and Kelly, and while the others weren’t paying attention, Gordie was looking at Sam with a confused expression.

 

‘What was that?’ Gordie signed, his lips moving with each word.

 

‘What?’ Sam replied.

 

‘That,’ Gordie gestured to the locker rooms, ‘You and Grizz?’

 

Sam’s heart leapt into his throat, because sure, Sam didn’t give a flying fuck who knew he was gay or who he was dating, but he knew that _Grizz_ cared, and that was why Sam put on his best ‘playing dumb’ performance.

 

‘Who?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Grizz,’ Gordie repeated, clearly finger-spelling the words.

 

‘What about him?’ Sam asked.

 

‘He winked? You were practically eye-fucking?’ Gordie said and the surprised look on his face let Sam know Gordie genuinely didn’t understand why Sam was ‘confused’.

 

Sam laughed, shaking his head, ‘what are you talking about?’

 

‘You really didn’t see that?’ Gordie asked.

 

Sam shrugged then looked around behind them, ‘there’s a lot of people here. He was looking at someone else?’

 

Gordie did the same, looking around before giving Sam a sceptical look, ‘sorry. It just looked like he was looking at you.’

 

‘Right, because football jock is my type,’ Sam told him with a roll of his eyes.

 

Gordie just smiled as he shook his head, and then thankfully got distracted when his girlfriend, Cassandra, took his hand and tugged on it so he’d get up. Sam, along with Kelly and Becca, all got up too and headed with the rest of the crowd down the steps and away from the field. Sam felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and, with the thought that it could be Grizz, quickly took it out and had a look. Sam was in luck. It was Grizz.

 

 **I wish I was hanging with you tonight.** – Grizz.

 

 **Same. You still could…** \- Sam.

 

 **I promised the guys. I’m sorry.** – Grizz.

 

 **Don’t be xx** – Sam.

 

 **I just need like 5 minutes with you. I’ve wanted to kiss you all night.** – Grizz.

 

Sam stopped in his tracks. Sam wasn’t going to give up so easily, especially when Grizz went and said something like _that,_ because Sam had been thinking of nothing but kissing Grizz too, and a lot more.

 

‘Hey guys,’ Sam called out to the others. They all stopped and turned to him, ‘I forgot my jacket. You guys go ahead. I’ll be fine by myself.’

 

None of them seemed to notice the lie; that Sam didn’t even wear a jacket that night, that he was literally standing there in front of them with his hoodie on and it was warm enough to not need a jacket.

 

‘Are you sure? We can wait?’ Becca took a step towards him.

 

‘It’s fine. I feel like walking home anyway,’ Sam told them.

 

‘I’ll go with you,’ Becca offered.

 

‘It’s fine,’ Sam waved her off.

 

‘No, it’s cool,’ Becca insisted and Sam fought the urge to tell her off. Well, if she _really_ wanted to stay with him then she was about to get a front row seat to Sam’s tongue down Grizz’s throat.

 

‘Okay, see you guys on Monday,’ Sam said goodbye to the rest of his friends, and they all waved their goodbye’s back to him, no one dwelling too much on extra conversation.

 

That left Becca and Sam alone, or as alone as they could be with other people leaving through the main corridor of the school building towards the car parks. Becca turned to Sam with a smile, waiting.

 

‘So, your jacket?’ Becca signed.

 

‘There is no jacket,’ Sam signed back and then he waited for a full ten seconds for the comprehension to cross over her features.

 

‘You’re meeting with Grizz, aren’t you?’ she asked.

 

‘Trying to. Sorry,’ Sam really was sorry. He didn’t think he’d be the type of person to bail on his friends for a guy, and yet there he was.

 

‘I should’ve known better. You going to be okay to head home yourself?’ Becca asked.

 

‘Yes, mom. I’m a big boy,’ Sam said.

 

‘Alright. Have fun. I’ll text you later,’ Becca signed, and Sam gave her a nod before she turned and headed down the hall. The moment Becca was gone, Sam had his phone in his hands again and was quickly typing out a message for Grizz, hoping he wouldn’t be too late.

 

 **Do you know they keep the library open until 10 on a Friday night?** – Sam.

 

 **Yeah. It’s cool, isn’t it? I usually come in or stay after a game because it’s always quiet. I wish they did it more nights or weekends.** – Grizz.

 

 **Grizz…** \- Sam.

 

 **What?** – Grizz.

 

 **I’m going there now. Meet me?** \- Sam.

 

 **You’re killing me!** – Grizz.

 

 **Meet me! Please? Just five minutes. I need you…** \- Sam.

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip, and he knew he wasn’t exactly the most seductive person out there, but he also knew that one little line would get Grizz.

 

 **Fuck. Okay but quick.** – Grizz.

 

 **Glad you could squeeze me into your busy schedule.** – Sam.

 

 **You’re so needy.** – Grizz.

 

Sam smiled down at his phone before rushing off to the stairs. No one, well, barely anyone, stayed late to use the library, especially on a Friday considering everyone had the entire weekend to study if they needed it. That was why Sam wasn’t at all surprised when there was a grand total of two other people in the library, and that included the librarian.

 

Sam hadn’t really thought about where he was going to meet Grizz, but his feet just naturally took him to the back corner where the two of them shared their first kiss. He waited there, leaning against a wall when not even five minutes later Grizz arrived, rushing around the corner and coming to a halt, his chest rising and falling quickly, and damn, did he run?

 

Grizz’s hair was wet after being freshly showered, and honestly, he just looked like an entire snack to Sam. Once again Sam found himself chewing on his bottom lip as he checked his boyfriend out, because he was allowed to, right?

 

‘I have like two minutes. I’m supposed to drive the others to Luke’s. Gwen’s covering for me,’ Grizz said while he signed as usual, and Sam was glad Grizz’s expression was always so easy to read, as well as the movement of his lips that Sam had gotten so used to, because Grizz’s attempts at using ASL, while it did help Sam understand him, were actually really terrible. Sam just never told him because he found it ridiculously cute. They’d have to fit in some lessons somewhere, if they weren’t so busy making out every time they saw each other. Speaking of.

 

‘Less talk,’ Sam demanded, and Grizz, like the good boyfriend he was, obeyed as he came right up to Sam, took his face in his hands and kissed the hell out of him. Or maybe the hell was still in him. Surely, because Sam was _definitely_ going to hell with the thoughts he constantly had about his boyfriend.

 

Sam fell back against the wall with the sheer force of the kiss. As much as Sam loved messing with Grizz and turning him into putty in his hands, Sam also loved it when Grizz got a little controlling, not that it happened often. That was why Sam loved it so much. Sam was quickly discovering he got a thrill out of Grizz being on top of him and crowding over him, or when Grizz gripped his hips just that little bit tighter, or bit his bottom lip, or the way he forced his tongue into Sam’s mouth.

 

Grizz had done all of those things in the span of ten seconds and Sam was _living_ for it. Sam wrapped his arms around Grizz’s neck as Grizz’s drifted down to the back of Sam’s thighs before picking him up and pressing him harder against the wall. _Fuck._ Why now? Why was Grizz getting so _dominating_ in the fucking library of all places? Sam wanted to die. Sam wanted Grizz to fuck him, and the mere thought had Sam’s entire body warming up.

 

Sam wasn’t entire sure how long they were making out like that for, but he was certain it had to be for more than two minutes. When Grizz’s lips eventually left his and his feet settled back on the ground, Sam felt like he had been transported to some kind of alternate reality, but no. They were still in the library and Grizz wasn’t his for the night.

 

‘I have to go,’ Grizz told him, but the frown on his face told Sam he didn’t want to do that at all.

 

‘It’s okay,’ Sam nodded.

 

‘You’re not mad?’ Grizz asked.

 

Sam smiled and shook his head, ‘horny as fuck? Yes. Mad? At you? Never.’

 

Grizz glanced down Sam’s body before getting back to his eyes.

 

‘You’re so fucking hot,’ Grizz spoke, and the way he was looking at Sam had Sam ready to melt into a puddle on the floor.

 

‘Whatever. Go hang with your friends who are apparently more important than me,’ Sam teased.

 

Grizz searched Sam’s eyes and Sam had only been joking but he could see that Grizz was reconsidering.

 

‘Fuck it. I’ll tell them I had a better offer,’ Grizz said.

 

‘No, you won’t. Don’t be dumb. Hang with your friends, really,’ Sam encouraged him.

 

‘You sure?’

 

‘Yes, I’m sure. You need to go. They’re waiting,’ Sam urged.

 

Grizz nodded before his lips told Sam something that Sam was having trouble getting used to.

 

‘I love you.’

 

Seeing Grizz say that made Sam’s inside freeze up and melt at the same time. His brain short-circuited and while theoretically it would have been so easy to physically say those three words back, Sam couldn’t mentally force himself to. All he could do was smile at Grizz and scan his brain for some sort of joke, one liner, or maybe he could just kiss Grizz to distract him.

 

It wasn’t that Sam didn’t or couldn’t love Grizz, because he did love him. He really, _really_ did, but he didn’t want to. Sam was terrified. He was so, so scared that Grizz would go off to college and never come back. He was scared that Grizz would forget about his high school boyfriend and find himself someone closer, more interesting, hotter, everything that Sam wasn’t.

 

And a lot of the time Sam thought he was insane for thinking that, because he _knew_ how much Grizz loved him. He saw it in his eyes, he felt it in the way they kissed, and of course, Grizz had told him himself of his strong feelings and that was a lot of pressure on Sam. It was a lot to live up to because what if Sam didn’t fall as hard as Grizz? What if he only actually liked Grizz because he was the first ever guy to show interest in him? Sam knew that was insane too because how strongly he felt for Grizz couldn’t be some illusion or infatuation. He knew it was real. He just couldn’t say it to him.

 

‘Have fun with your friends,’ Sam said, and he died a little inside when the natural gleam in Grizz’s eyes dulled a little. Grizz quickly masked it with a smile.

 

‘I will,’ Grizz nodded.

 

Grizz leant forward, gently pressing his body to Sam’s against the wall as he kissed him slowly, leaving Sam wanting so much more. When Grizz kissed Sam like _that_ , it made all of Sam’s worries disappear. Grizz pulled back, looking at Sam with dark eyes and Sam said the first thing that popped into his head.

 

‘Just to let you know that in, like, half an hour I’ll be jerking off thinking of you,’ Sam told him.

 

Sam couldn’t hear it, but he practically _saw_ the way Grizz groaned, his eyes closing before he leant his head against Sam’s shoulder. Grizz eventually pushed himself away, taking a giant step back, and Sam noticed the heavy exhale, and sometimes Sam felt like he had so much power when it came to Grizz.

 

‘I hate you,’ Grizz signed, ‘I gotta go.’

 

Sam just nodded and the two gave each other one last lingering look before Grizz reluctantly left Sam there in the library. The moment he was alone, Sam bashed his head against the bookshelf beside him. Why? _Why_ did Sam have to go and make everything so sexual all the time? He questioned himself about that a lot. He wanted Grizz really, really bad, but he often found himself scolding his borderline slutty ways.

 

Sam sighed as he pushed himself away from the wall. Having a quick make out session with Grizz was well worth it, but he now faced a walk home in the dark and it was best to do that with the dozens of others who lived close enough to the school to walk home.

 

Sam headed out of the library and down the stairs. By the time he made it to the car park it was just the stragglers left behind. There was a bit of commotion going on though. Sam noticed a small crowd around a couple of cars, and as he walked by, he noticed Harry having some sort of a meltdown. Then, he got a look of his car sitting there, jacked up high with no wheels. That was a little odd to Sam, but he got a good little giggle out of how angry Harry looked.

 

Sam really didn’t like Campbell’s friends. Some of them were okay when they were on their own but when they were all together, they had this pack mentality, which apparently included hassling Sam at every chance they got. It wasn’t fair, Sam thought. Sam didn’t do anything to them. In fact, he tried to stay out of their way as much as he possibly could, but with Campbell as their ring leader Sam could be as invisible as he possibly could and they would still find a way to get to him.

 

Sam had been almost at a stand still as he relished in the look on Harry’s face, and that was why he jumped when a strong hand slapped him on the shoulder. Sam whipped around quickly to see Campbell standing there beside him.

 

‘Enjoying the show?’ Campbell signed.

 

Sam had nothing to say to him. He merely rolled his eyes and turned to walk away. Sam should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy though. The next moment, Campbell had his arm around his shoulder and was leading him away from the scene and towards his car. Campbell pushed him towards it. Sam spun around to face his brother. There was no way he was going with him.

 

‘Get in the car,’ Campbell demanded.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Get in the car or I’ll have this conversation with your boyfriend instead. And trust me, you’d rather it be with you,’ Campbell signed.

 

Sam stood his ground, the two brothers eyeing each other, neither backing down. And the thing was, Sam could stand his ground against Campbell until the cows came home, and if Campbell hadn’t of mentioned Grizz then Sam would’ve simply walked away, but he _did_ mention Grizz, and so Sam gave in first.

 

‘Where are we going?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Just get in, fag,’ Campbell sneered before he went around to the driver’s side and got in. With Campbell’s lingering threat of going to Grizz in his mind, Sam begrudgingly got in the passenger side, slamming the door closed.

 

Sam hated Campbell with a passion. That complete and total hatred was all that was coursing through his veins as Campbell headed out of the school parking lot. The two of them had always been like this, or at least as far back as Sam could remember they had been. Initially Sam had thought it was because he was deaf, that Campbell just hated dealing with someone who was different, or in Campbell’s eyes, difficult. But then he realized that Campbell was just a spiteful human being. That was, of course, if Campbell could even be classified as a human. Sam thought of him as more of a monster.

 

Sam stared out the window as they passed by the buildings in town, the houses on the outskirts, then finally their town welcome sign was in the rear-view mirror. That was when Sam started to panic. He figured Campbell was just going to talk to him in the car, or take them home, or, well, Sam didn’t really know, but there Campbell was, taking him far out of town.

 

Sam looked to his older brother who was just facing forward without a single sign of where they were heading. They just kept on driving along the main road out of town until they were practically in the middle of nowhere, and Sam wondered if Campbell was finally going to do it; if he was finally going to make good on his promise and kill him like he threatened during every argument they ever had.

 

Campbell eventually pulled over on the side of the road. Sam clasped his cell phone tightly in the pocket of his hoodie. Maybe if he dialled 9-1-1 now the police would get to them before Campbell could do anything. Sam’s heart was pounding in his chest and he just told himself over and over again that Campbell liked scaring people. That was all this was. A scare tactic to get his way. The only question was, what did Campbell want Sam to do?

 

Campbell got out of the car first. He left it running, the vibrations shaking Sam who was already shaking so much himself. Sam took a few deep breaths. He couldn’t let Campbell get to him. He watched, tense, as Campbell stopped in front of the car, in clear view with the headlights on him.

 

‘Get out,’ Campbell signed.

 

Yeah, fucking, right. Sam was not doing that. He was almost certain that Campbell wanted to hurt him, and he sat there trying to think of what he possibly could have done to Campbell lately that would have triggered him like this, but he couldn’t think of anything. All he knew was that he needed to get out of there.

 

Sam kept his eyes locked on Campbell as he took off his own seatbelt. Sam wasn’t taking any chances. He needed to get away. As a rush of adrenaline washed over him, Sam climbed over the console, his long limbs proving a hindrance as he struggled to get to the driver’s seat. He made it though and yanked the door closed. He was a fraction away from smashing the button that would lock him in when Campbell tore the door open.

 

He knew Campbell was shouting at him but he couldn’t hear a thing. In anger, Campbell latched onto the hood of Sam’s hoodie and dragged him out of the front seat. Sam fell to the ground in a heap before scrambling up. The gritty dirt on the side of the roads scraped at his hands as he desperately tried to get away from Campbell.

 

Campbell was, as always, cool, calm and collected. He easily got a good grip on Sam’s arm as he dragged him up from the ground. He flung Sam to the hood of the car, Sam’s back hitting it hard. Sam knew running would do no good. Campbell was faster. He was stronger. Sam was fucking terrified and helpless.

 

‘Why are you running, Sam? I told you I want a conversation,’ Campbell signed.

 

‘Fuck you,’ Sam spat out the words.

 

‘That’s not very nice, brother,’ Campbell signed as he stepped closer, and Sam just leant against the hood, trying so hard to hold his ground despite the fact that he was trembling so badly.

 

‘What do you want?’ Sam asked.

 

‘I want to talk to you about that boyfriend of yours,’ Campbell signed.  

 

‘What about him?’

 

‘He’s getting in my way.’

 

‘What’s that got to do with me?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Everything. Both of you have been massive pains in my ass,’ Campbell signed. His eyes glared daggers at Sam and while Sam always swore to himself that he wouldn’t let Campbell intimidate him, he had to admit defeat. He was scared.

 

‘What do you want?’ Sam asked.

 

‘I want him out of my life, and it’s become apparent that while he’s with you, he’s going to be in my life,’ Campbell told him.

 

‘I’ll tell him to leave you alone,’ Sam signed.

 

‘No. What I’m going to need you to do is break up with him,’ Campbell signed and Sam couldn’t help but scoff at the idea.

 

‘That doesn’t need to happen. I’ll talk to him. I’ll make him back off,’ Sam bargained.

 

‘No. You’ll break up with him,’ Campbell was tenacious. Once he made his mind up, he stuck to it.

 

‘No.’

 

Campbell’s eyes went dark and his nostrils flared in fury before he took two swift steps towards Sam. In a second Sam was pinned to the hood of the car with Campbell’s hand tightly clasped around his throat. Sam let out a chortled gasp as he scratched and pulled at Campbell’s hand, but it was no use. His older brother had him beat.

 

‘Read my fucking lips, Sammy,’ Campbell spat, ‘you are going to break up with him. You’re going to hurt him. And if you tell him about this conversation, I’ll know. I’ll know because that fucking fag can’t keep his mouth shut and I’ll just know. So, if you know what’s best for him, break it off, or else you’ll regret it. Okay Sammy? You don’t want to know what I’m capable of.’

 

And Sam couldn’t breathe. His throat burned as Campbell closed his fingers tighter, and Sam thought he was going to crush every little bone he could. Dizziness kicked in and little black spots clouded Sam’s eyes. He was on the verge off passing out when Campbell finally let go.

 

Sam took in the deepest, quickest breaths as his hand went to soothe his aching neck. Sam honestly thought that was it, that Campbell was going to kill him. In pure fear he watched as his brother caught his gaze again.

 

‘Make it happen. Tomorrow.’ Campbell signed.

 

Campbell took Sam’s upper arm and dragged him away from the car. He pushed his younger brother to the ground and all Sam could do was watch as Campbell got back in the car and drove off, heading back to town,  leaving Sam sitting there on the side of the road, in the dark, all alone.

 

Sam broke down. Every little emotion, the hatred, the fear, the helplessness, rolled into one as he crumpled in on himself and let it all out through tears. He didn’t understand why Campbell hated him so much. He didn’t understand what the fuck he did to deserve this. He didn’t understand how one person could be so cruel as to leave him there, abandoned on the side of the road.

 

And he cried for Grizz, because Sam just desperately wanted the two of them to be happy together, and they had their bumpy moments, sure, but Sam was sure everything was going to be okay, but this? Campbell? He threw a spanner in the works and all Sam felt was dread. Pure dread.

 

 _Get it together_ , Sam told himself. There he was, sitting on the side of the road with no other people or civilisation in sight. He couldn’t get home. Walking would take all night, maybe longer. He took his phone out of his pocket and went straight to his messages to Becca.

 

 **I need your help. I’m stuck outside of town with no way home.** – Sam.

 

 **What? Wtf happened? North or South?** – Becca.

 

 **North, on the main road. Can you get me please? And don’t tell Grizz.** – Sam.

 

 **I’m coming. Hang tight.** – Becca.

 

Sam placed his phone back in his pocket before forcing himself up from the ground. He dusted himself off and began to walk in the direction of home. His mind was racing a million miles an hour as he mulled over Campbell’s threat and all the possible options and outcomes. Every outcome had Sam close to tears again, and all he wanted to do was go to Grizz’s house, to Grizz’s bed and cuddle up to him, and to pretend everything was okay.

 

Sam was walking for a good half an hour by the time Becca turned up her mom’s familiar car, but thankfully her mom was nowhere in sight. Sam got in the car, but Becca wasn’t quick to drive straight away. She turned on the light and Sam looked up at her, knowing he looked like a complete mess. Becca was Sam’s best friend and he didn’t like keeping secrets from her. He told her _everything_ , except for the few things he deemed private between himself and Grizz. Sam was just shaking so much and needed his best friend.

 

‘What happened?’ Becca signed.

 

‘Campbell.’

 

Sam was met with another questioning look, so he caved and told her what happened.

 

‘He took me out here to threaten me then left me on the side of the road. He hates Grizz and wants me to break up with him or…I don’t know what he’ll do,’ Sam explained.

 

‘What? That’s crazy. What the fuck is wrong with him?’ Becca asked.

 

‘He’s a psycho,’ Sam signed.

 

‘He can’t get away with doing this to you,’ Becca said, and Sam couldn’t even appreciate how adorable she looked when angry. There was no light that Sam could make of the situation. There were no jokes he could make to cover up how he really felt. And he was distraught.  

 

‘What am I supposed to do? Tell my mom and dad? What are they going to do? Say ‘don’t do that, Campbell’? I’ve told them before the shit that he does but they don’t know how to control him. I don’t either,’ Sam sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He was at a loss.

 

‘You need to at least tell Grizz what’s going on,’ Becca said.

 

‘No,’ Sam shook his head quickly, ‘no. I don’t want Grizz any more involved with Campbell. Grizz hates Campbell and he’s an emotional guy. What if it gets back to Campbell that I told him the truth?’

  
Becca looked lost, and that wasn’t what Sam needed. He needed Becca to come up with some magical solution to his dilemma, but she didn’t, and Sam just didn’t know what the fuck to do. The tears came back in waves, and Sam covered his face, crying into his hands. He felt Becca’s hand rubbing soothing circles onto his back, but it didn’t calm him down at all.

 

Sam was suffocating living with someone like Campbell who was only out to destroy him, and it was worse knowing that he didn’t know if Campbell would actually _do_ something, or if he was all just talk. Campbell hasn’t actually _really_ hurt Sam, except for a few hits and shoves here and there. He could be all talk, but the thought of Campbell hurting Grizz? That just wouldn’t compute in Sam’s mind.

 

Sam was desperately trying to think of a way out of this, but short of killing Campbell, he didn’t have a solution. He just wanted to protect Grizz, and at that moment, there was only one way to do it. Sam looked up at Becca through blurry vision, but still got what her hands were signing to him.

 

‘What are you going to do?’ Becca asked.

 

‘The only thing I can do. I have to break up with him.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes.


	26. Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25 recap: We got Sam's POV!!! It started out kind of fun with some good old fashioned making out in a library and ended with Campbell threatening Sam and telling him to break up with Grizz.

On Saturday morning Grizz woke up uncomfortable. That was just something that happened when you fell asleep on the hard, wooden floor of your best friend’s bedroom. Grizz had planned on going home the previous night, but after a little encouragement from Jason, he had a couple of beers and decided it was best to crash at Luke’s.

 

Grizz rolled over, trying to get a little more comfortable. Instead he ended up face to face with Clark. What? Grizz’s head was pounding. He didn’t think he had that much to drink. Helena and Gwen left earlier during the night and the boys hung around playing video games and watching movies while knocking back the drinks one by one, and actually, maybe Grizz _did_ have a few too many.

 

Grizz scanned his surroundings. He definitely was on the floor, and sharing a pillow with Clark that Luke had so generously given them, and a thin blanket. Luke was up on his bed with Jason. That’s right, Jason complained of a bad back and demanded the bed. It was complete bullshit in Grizz’s opinion. It was also bullshit that with the seven bedrooms in Luke’s house that Clark and Grizz had to sleep on the floor.

 

Grizz rolled over, facing away from Clark, and closed his eyes. He decided to try and get a little more sleep before he had to drive home. It was not even ten minutes into his attempt when he felt a warm body against his. Grizz’s eyes popped open so fast, because Clark was fucking _spooning_ him. Grizz rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like this was the first time it happened. The guys were constantly staying over each other’s house and sharing beds, or floor space. Sometimes accidents happened.

 

Grizz took Clark’s wrist and slowly, trying not to wake him, moved his arm away. Not a second later it was back, and Clark was even _closer_. So close that Grizz could feel…oh no. Nope. Grizz was out. Clark had popped a boner. And no, that wasn’t unusual for a guy either, but Grizz really didn’t need another guy’s hard-on against him when he had a boyfriend.

 

Grizz shuffled away. He sat up, deciding that sleep wasn’t an option. Apparently, he moved so quickly that Clark’s entire body went off balance and collapsed to the floor, which in turn, made him wake up. Clark opened his eyes a sliver, looking all dazed and confused until his attention landed on Grizz.

 

“Wha time’s it?” Clark croaked out.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Jason’s groan came next. Grizz glanced up at him and Luke who were head to feet on the bed.

 

“It’s about time you all woke up,” Luke said, and what? He was awake? Sure enough, he was. As Grizz sat up properly he noticed Luke laying there on his phone.

 

“Shuddup!” Jason whined.

 

“No, I’m fucking bored,” Luke said.

 

Clark pushed himself up from the ground and Grizz didn’t mean to, but he glanced down, thankful that the blanket was covering whatever problem Clark had in his pants. Grizz wondered if Clark even noticed yet.

 

“Why is it so fucking hot in your room, man?” Clark complained. And there went the blanket. And there was Clark’s erection. Jason was in the process of sitting up, and so was Luke, and the guys had woken up plenty of times with boners. It wasn’t their fault. It was just a downside to being a teenage boy, or an upside however you looked at it, and usually the boys would all just tease each other about it, but somehow Grizz had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him Clark was not in the mood for that.

 

Thinking quick, Grizz grabbed the pillow and tossed it to Clark’s lap. The boy looked at him in confusion until a total of three seconds later when a look of realization crossed his face.

 

“What the fuck…” Clark whispered only loud enough for him and Grizz to hear.

 

“Alright, I’m up. Where’s food?” Jason asked.

 

“I’m not your maid,” Luke said.

 

“Someone’s grumpy in the morning,” Jason teased and poked Luke’s face.

 

“Bathroom,” Clark muttered.

 

Grizz watched him as he manoeuvred himself as to not give himself away as he got up. Once he left the room, Grizz gave a little snicker. It was kind of funny, but Grizz liked to think he had his friend’s back at the end of the day and he wasn’t into making fun of people.

 

“What’s the plan team?” Jason asked.

 

“Don’t know. Depends what Helena is doing,” Luke said.

 

“Boring. Grizzy?” Jason asked.

 

“I have plans, actually,” Grizz said.

 

“You always have plans. The fuck is going on with you, man?” Jason asked.

 

“I got a lot of homework to do,” Grizz lied.

 

“Bullshit. You got a full ride to Duke, man. They already like you. You can lay off the homework,” Jason said.

 

“They still pay attention to what you’re doing. I can’t just drop the ball with only a couple months left,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re such a nerd,” Jason said with his award winning smile.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz accepted it.

 

Grizz searched for his phone before finding it under Luke’s bed. He didn’t have his normal good morning text from Sam so he decided to send one to him first. Sam almost always seemed to fall asleep first, so Grizz was the only one to say goodnight, and Sam always followed up with a ‘good morning’ the next day.

 

After a few minutes of sitting there chatting to the guys, Clark came back to the room and started gathering his things.

 

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jason asked.

 

“I feel like shit. I’m gonna head home,” Clark said.

 

“You alright?” Luke asked.

 

“Yeah, you good, man?” Jason followed up.

 

“Yeah, just a bad night sleep. I’m gonna go. Thanks for letting me crash, Lukey,” Clark said.

 

“Anytime,” Luke said.

 

Something was off. Clark was off. He had been a lot lately and Grizz just didn’t know what it was about. It couldn’t just be about the Gwen shit, right? Well, it could’ve been. Their friendship was on the rocks but to Grizz it just felt like he was missing something.

 

“Wait up. I’m gonna go too. I’ll walk out with you,” Grizz said as he hurried to find his shoes. He slipped them on quickly and barely got up in time for when Clark was walking out the door.

 

“I’ll catch you guys later,” Grizz said as he snatched up his keys from Luke’s desk.

 

“You’re both pussies!” Jason shouted.

 

“Bye!” Luke called out.

 

Grizz caught up to Clark in the hallway but the other boy didn’t say a thing to him, and Grizz wasn’t even really sure if he should have struck up a conversation, like asking Clark if everything was cool between them. The two went outside and it was almost as if Grizz weren’t even there.

 

“Hey, you want a ride home?” Grizz offered, considering he was one of two drivers from last night, and Clark wasn’t the other.

 

“I can walk,” Clark said.

 

“Okay then…I’ll see you Monday, I guess,” Grizz said.

 

Clark didn’t say anything. Grizz sighed and went over to his car. He unlocked it and opened the driver’s side door. He was about to get in when Clark’s voice stopped him.

 

“Look, I’m not some kind of like, homo, okay?” Clark said out of nowhere.

 

“Okay. I know,” Grizz said cautiously. Where was he going with this? Was this about the spooning?

 

“I didn’t mean to, like, cuddle you and shit, alright?” Clark said. Yes, yes it was about the spooning, and Grizz didn’t even realize Clark had been awake enough at that point to realize he was doing it.

 

“Okay…I mean, it’s cool. Not like it hasn’t happened before,” Grizz said.

 

“Right…right,” Clark nodded enthusiastically in agreement, “And like, I didn’t mean to…you know…I was dreaming about Gw- Becca. Uh, Gwen and Becca, like, together, actually. So…”

 

“Sounds hot, dude,” Grizz said in his best ‘straight dude’ voice.

 

“It was,” Clark almost argued.

 

“Cool. Well, I’ll see you at school then,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, see ya,” Clark said, and he turned and headed down the street.

 

Grizz got in the car, feeling a bit bamboozled over the entire conversation. It was little comments like that, and sometimes the way Clark looked at Grizz that had Grizz thinking Clark really did believe that he’s gay and he was in some sort of denial, or was repulsed by him or something. Honestly, Grizz thought Clark was being a bit dramatic, and that meant a lot coming from someone like Grizz.

 

“God, masculinity is so fragile,” Grizz mumbled to himself before he started up the car and headed home.

 

\---

 

Grizz had a bit of a pep in his step when he got home. He showered, dressed, and he was ready to head over to Sam’s house, and he wasn’t sure what they were going to do for the day, but Grizz was just excited to be around Sam, even if they were going to do their usual hang out of going to the river. Grizz could merely be in Sam’s presence and be perfectly content.

 

Grizz skipped down the stairs while sending a text.

 

 **I’m about to leave so I’ll be over soon x** – Grizz.

 

 **Ok** – Sam.

 

Grizz frowned as he got to the bottom of the stairs. He flicked through the last few messages they had exchanged with each other last night and that morning, taking note of Sam’s one word answers. That was all he replied, if anything at all. It gave Grizz a funny feeling in his stomach that he tried to ignore because it was probably just his anxiety making him overthink.

 

Grizz turned the corner into the kitchen because he planned on having a quick bite to eat, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw his mom sitting at the dining table, looking up at him.

 

“Morning,” Grizz mumbled, and all she did was sigh heavily. Grizz glanced around, peering into the living room, but no one was there. “Where’s dad?”

 

“Out.”

 

“Okay…is everything okay?” Grizz asked cautiously.

 

“When were you going to tell me about Duke?” she asked. That was when Grizz noticed the piece of paper in her hand. It was the acceptance letter.

 

“Did you go through my things?” Grizz accused.

 

“It was on your desk. Don’t ignore the question. When were you going to tell me?” his mom asked as she stood up and took a step towards him. She clutched the letter tightly and Grizz was a little confused. Why did it feel like he was in trouble?

 

“I don’t know. Eventually?” Grizz said.

 

“Have you accepted yet?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, I have. Why?”

 

“I thought…I thought you applied to places close?” she said.

 

“Yeah, Yale. And I didn’t get in, so…” Grizz shrugged.

 

“So, just Yale? That’s it? There are plenty of other good colleges close by,” she argued, and what the fuck? Why was this turning into an argument? Grizz didn’t think she would give a fuck where he went. He thought she wanted him gone anyway.

 

“I don’t want to go somewhere close, mom,” Grizz told her.

 

“Why not? You can’t just leave us, Gareth,” she said.

 

“Why? You want me to be like you? Constantly walking on egg shells so I don’t make dad mad? Is that why you’re upset? Because you don’t want to be alone with him?” Grizz asked. Defensive mode had set in. If it was an argument she wanted, then it was an argument she would get. She looked a bit shocked before recovering.

 

“At the end of the day, we are a family, Gareth, and you don’t just bail on your family. You are _not_ going all the way to Duke,” she said forcefully.

 

“So, what? You really want me to stay here, stuck in an unhappy household? Fuck that! I need to get out of here and live my life and be the real me,” Grizz argued.

 

“You can’t be the real you here?” she asked.

 

“No, I can’t. It’s suffocating here. Being here is suffocating you too, I can see it!” Grizz was shouting by that point.

 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she laughed nervously.

 

“Yes, I do. He’s sucking the life out of you. You’re not who you used to be, mom,” Grizz said.

 

“You have no idea, absolutely no idea what a marriage is like,” she snapped.

 

“I know it’s not supposed to be like this. And just because I’m young doesn’t mean I can’t see that,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re a child, Grizz. You can’t-“

 

“I’m eighteen!” Grizz cut her off, “I’m not a child!”

 

“Stop…stop yelling. I just…please? Please. You can go to one of the colleges here and-“

 

“No! I can’t be here anymore. You don’t even like me anyway so what the fuck is this conversation even about?!” Grizz was pissed. Beyond pissed. How dare she pretty much ignore his existence then act like she actually cares.

 

“Don’t like you? You’re my son, of course I like you,” she said, and it was the biggest load of bullshit.

 

“You don’t even know anything about me. We’re practically strangers,” Grizz countered.

 

“That’s bullshit. I know you. You…you like that garden out the back, and your friends, and football, and that girl Carla,” she rattled off, and Grizz was just so damn _exhausted_.

 

“I don’t like football, I’m just good at it. And I don’t like Carla, mom, because I’m fucking gay!” Grizz shouted.

 

The words were out there before Grizz had a chance to think them through, and a second later he earnt himself a hard slap across his cheek. Taken aback, Grizz stumbled to the side, holding his face where burning hot pins and needles spread over his cheek. The room was silent as Grizz watched his mom in shock. He wasn’t expecting that. He also wasn’t expecting her to burst into tears.

 

“Don’t say that!” she whined. Fuck, Grizz didn’t know what to do. He didn’t think she would cry. He didn’t think he mattered that much to her.

 

“It’s…it’s the truth,” Grizz said, his voice softer.

 

That only made his mom sob harder. Grizz’s head was spinning, both in confusion and from the impact of the slap. He dropped his hand as the pain subsided. He already went this far. With all the courage left in him, he told her the truth.

 

“I’m…dating a boy. His name is Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“It shouldn’t be this way,” she cried, and Grizz could hear the pain in her voice.

 

“I’m… sorry?” Grizz wasn’t sure what exactly it was that he was apologizing for. For being gay? Or telling her the truth? Or that she was so upset by it?

 

“Where did I go wrong?” she sobbed, “I did it right. I did it all right. I stopped dance classes. I stopped you joining drama club. I put you in football. I stopped caring so much. What’d I do?”

 

“Nothing you did caused me to be gay. Mom…it’s not…not the end of the world,” Grizz said as he took a step closer. He wanted to comfort her. He really didn’t like seeing her so hysterical. He felt bad. He felt _guilty_.

 

“You don’t get it, if your dad finds out…we’ll never, I’ll never see you again,” she said.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to do or what to say. He was dumbfounded.

 

“Please don’t be like this, Gareth. Please don’t. Please, I’m begging you. This boy, he isn’t worth the damage this could do,” she pleaded. She placed her hands on Grizz’s shoulders, looking him right in the eyes. She was dead serious. Grizz didn’t hate his mom. He loved her deep down and he knew how damaged she was because of his dad. He didn’t want to be the cause of any more pain.

 

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” Grizz said as he pulled her into a hug.

 

“Stop seeing that boy. Promise me,” she said into his chest. 

 

“Okay,” was all Grizz said, because he just wanted her to stop crying. There was no truth behind the word. He wasn’t going to stop being with Sam. He just had to be stealthier. He had to pretend he wasn’t with Sam. He had to pretend to be straight, for his mom’s sake, because while she was visibly upset, she was also visibly scared.

 

“I gotta go,” Grizz said as he let go of her.

 

“Where are you going?” she asked.

 

“To Gwen’s,” he lied.

 

His mom brushed her tears away and nodded, “okay. Think about what I said, please? Your dad can’t find out. You can’t be this way. Not yet.”

 

Grizz had nothing to say. His throat tightened and he didn’t want to get upset in front of her. Part of him was so mad at her for what she was suggesting, but the other part of him saw the raw emotions in her and he couldn’t hate her for that.

 

Not another word was said between the two before Grizz left. He went out to his car without getting the breakfast he craved. He wasn’t hungry anymore anyway. He got in his car and sat there for a moment. His hands were shaking. He couldn’t believe he just came out to his mom, even though in the back of his mind he knew she always had some sort of an idea.

 

“Fuck. Shit,” Grizz whispered to himself.

 

All that time and energy spent on hiding the fact that he’s gay and then he just went and blurted it out in an argument like it was nothing. The thing was, it was never his mom that he was worried about. He was always concerned about how his dad would react, and after that conversation, he realized his mom was just as worried. The only positive Grizz found was that he was pretty confident there was no way his mom would tell his dad. Maybe, in a small way, she was on Grizz’s side.

 

“Okay. It’s okay. Pull yourself together,” Grizz told himself.

 

Grizz’s head was all over the place and all he wanted to do was see Sam and tell him what happened. That was the good thing about having a boyfriend, not that he wanted to burden Sam with all of his problems, but it was a nice feeling knowing he had someone other than his friends to go to about anything.

 

Grizz started up his car and headed on down the street. Grizz really hoped he wouldn’t be a downer that day. His anxiety was pushed to the side because a large part of him just didn’t care anymore about his parents knowing. He knew it would hit him later, but he just really wanted to ignore his problems and have a nice day with his boyfriend.

 

Sam was waiting out the front when Grizz got there, looking all snuggly and cute as shit in a hoodie and a scarf. He wasn’t wearing the hoodie that used to be Grizz’s though, unfortunately. Grizz always got a bit of a thrill out of seeing Sam wearing it. Grizz couldn’t help but smile, because even just seeing Sam made everything okay.

 

Sam opened the car door and got in when Grizz came to a complete stop. Grizz leant over, just like he did every time he picked Sam up, and planted a kiss on his lips. Only, something felt kind of off. Sam was usually pretty eager and enthusiastic, but he didn’t kiss Grizz back that time. Grizz pulled away, trying not to think anything of it.

 

“You seem warm,” Grizz told him.

 

“You know me. Always cold,” Sam tugged on the scarf around his neck, doing it up a little tighter. Grizz gave him a smile.

 

“Where do you wanna go today?” Grizz asked.

 

“Uhm…” Sam hummed and glanced back at the house before turning back to Grizz, “actually… I need to talk to you. There’s no one home. Can you come inside?”

 

“Okay, this sounds serious. Should I be worried?” Grizz was nervous. Really nervous. He _knew_ there was something wrong. He just knew it.

 

“Can you just come inside?” Sam begged.

 

“What’s wrong?” Grizz asked, and he was frozen. He didn’t want to go inside. They had plans to go out for the whole day together, but Sam was acting so weird. Grizz’s anxiety was flaring up. Sam could barely keep eye contact with him, and that awful feeling in the pit of Grizz’s stomach was getting worse.

 

“I don’t know how to say it,” Sam said.

 

“Say what? Sam…just…what?” Grizz’s voice quivered. He thought he was going to vomit, because somehow he saw exactly where the conversation was heading.

 

“I…think…we should take a break,” Sam said.

 

And Grizz couldn’t breathe. He sat there trying to process what it was that Sam was saying, what Sam meant. And nothing made sense.

 

 “W-what? What…what do you mean?” Grizz stumbled over his words.

 

“I mean…me and you…we should…stop,” Sam said and Grizz tried desperately to read Sam’s face, to tell if this was a joke or something more was going on, but Sam’s expression showed nothing; complete apathy.  

 

“Why?” Grizz’s voice broke, “what did I…do? What’d I do?”

 

“Nothing,” Sam said quickly, “nothing. It’s just…I don’t know. You’re going off to college soon and…”

 

“I thought we talked about that, Sam. I thought it was all okay,” Grizz said desperately.

 

“Maybe it’s not. I don’t know. Maybe…maybe we’re too young and maybe when I’m done with high school we can…I don’t know,” Sam shrugged.

 

 For the second time that day Grizz was in pure shock, because what the fuck? This was coming straight from left field. Why would Sam just break up with him out of nowhere? It didn’t make sense. Well, one thing could make sense.

 

“Is it Campbell?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shook his head.

 

“Was it him? What did he do? You can tell me,” Grizz begged.

 

“It’s not Campbell, okay? It’s nothing to do with him. We need space. I need a break from you, okay? It’s just…a break. Some space,” Sam told him.

 

That hurt. A lot. Grizz had never felt more like a discarded piece of trash in his entire life, and he could feel himself shutting down. He didn’t want to be near Sam anymore. Not after that.

 

“Space…okay,” was all Grizz could say.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered.

 

Grizz couldn’t say anything, because if he said something, he might just cry. It took a full six seconds before Sam was out of the car, and Grizz knew it was six seconds because he was counting to ten in his head to calm himself down. Six seconds and it was just over. Just like that. And Grizz couldn’t move.

 

They were fine. Last night they had been more than fine. And now they were just…broken up? Grizz couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t even seem real. Grizz had never been broken up with before, especially by someone he was so head over heels in love with. It was just over. Grizz didn’t have a boyfriend anymore.

 

Grizz’s breaths were short and shallow. He could feel the panic attack coming on and he was trying so hard to be a mature adult about it but it was all too much. He fucked up and he lost Sam, and he didn’t know what to do. He just knew where he wanted to go.

 

Grizz started his car and headed off down the street. He was just so _confused_. This wasn’t how the day was supposed to go. Grizz’s body was practically on autopilot as his mind struggled to keep up. Before he knew it, he was out the front of Luke’s house, walking up the stone pathway to the front door. Like a zombie, he knocked on the door. He wasn’t sure why he instinctively went to Luke’s house. Luke didn’t even know about him and Sam. Grizz wasn’t even really sure if Luke knew he was gay or not. But still, Grizz just wanted his best friend.

 

The front door opened and Luke’s father stood there, smartly dressed as always; the complete opposite of Grizz’s own dad. Mr. Holbrook’s eyes widened in surprise as he looked Grizz up and down.

 

“Mr. Holbrook. Hi,” Grizz greeted.

 

“Morning Grizz, wasn’t expecting you back today,” he said.

 

“Yeah, uhm…is Luke here?” Grizz asked.

 

“Sorry, no. He’s out with Helena today,” he said.

 

“Oh…okay,” Grizz nodded.

 

Mr. Holbrook frowned before putting his hand on Grizz’s shoulder and stepping a little closer, “is everything okay, son?”

 

“Yeah. Yep,” Grizz nodded, “thank you anyway.”

 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, just bored, looking for Luke. It’s all good,” Grizz stammered.

 

“I’ll tell him you stopped by,” Mr. Holbrook said.

 

“No, it’s fine. I’m just gonna go. Thank you though, Mr. Holbrook,” Grizz said, and then he turned because tears were threatening to fall and he really didn’t need Mr. Holbrook asking him what was wrong, because Grizz might have just blurted out everything that what was going on.

 

Bu the time Grizz got to his car, tears were overflowing onto his cheeks. He was quick to start his car and drive off again, not wanting Luke’s dad to see that he really was upset. Fuck, he had been so prepared right then to spill everything to Luke. It wasn’t that Gwen was second best or anything like that, but Luke was always so good at advice and that was why Grizz went there first. Grizz ended up driving to Gwen’s house instead because he didn’t want to be alone.

 

It was a miracle Grizz didn’t get in a car accident. He could barely see through the tears filling up his eyes. Grizz was sobbing by the time he got to Gwen’s house, barely able to even take a breath in. He just couldn’t believe what was happening. He knocked on her front door, not even thinking about the fact that her parents could’ve answered. He didn’t care at that point anyway. Nothing fucking mattered.

 

Thankfully Gwen opened the door and Grizz just stood there like a child that needed to be held and the second Gwen took in the figure in front of her, she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Grizz as he buried his face in his friend’s neck and cried.


	27. It's not what it looks like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 26 recap: Grizz woke upon Luke's floor with Clark who had an awkward boner. Clark freaked out just a little. Grizz went home and argued with his mom because she doesn't want him leaving her with his dad when he goes to Duke. Grizz blurted out that he's gay and his mom did not take it well. Grizz left just wanting to find comfort in Sam and instead got broken up with. He went to Gwen to cry his little heart out.

Grizz didn’t know how long he was crying for. He just knew that he eventually ended up in Gwen’s room, on her bed, with his head in her lap as she ran her fingertips through his hair. She was so patient with him and Grizz had tried a few times to stop crying so he could talk to her, but he just couldn’t. The only words he managed to get out at the front door was “Sam broke up with me.” And that was it.

 

Grizz had never been so devastated in his entire life. He was just broken. His heart was broken and he didn’t know how to pick up the pieces. He knew it was unhealthy to latch onto one person so fiercely that he was this torn apart after a break up, and Grizz also knew that with time he’d feel better, but on that day, on Gwen’s bed, Grizz didn’t think anything would ever be okay again.

 

Grizz was so, so in love with Sam, and Sam? Well, it was clear to Grizz that Sam never felt the same way, not even close. Of course he didn’t. Grizz had told Sam he loved him and Sam just stared at him all doe eyed and made some sexual comment. Was that all Sam wanted from him? A hook up? Maybe that really _was_ what Sam wanted and the second Grizz brought up his feelings, it was too much. Grizz was too much for Sam and it killed him.

 

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Gwen asked once Grizz had finally calmed down. The sobbing stopped. The tears had ceased, and Grizz just lay there, unmoving, empty.

 

“He broke up with me,” Grizz croaked out.

 

“I know, but why?” Gwen asked. Grizz barely had an answer to that. He stared straight ahead at the light green wall of Gwen’s room and shrugged.

 

“Something about me going away for college,” Grizz murmured.

 

“So…he’s scared of long distance,” she said simply.

 

“We spoke about it already. It was fine. Everything was fine,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe he thought about it more,” Gwen suggested.

 

“Maybe I’m too much for him,” Grizz said, and his pity party was in full swing.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked.

 

“Like we’ve not even been together long but I told him I love him and he never says it back. Maybe I was nothing to him from the start,” Grizz said.

 

“Don’t even say that. He likes you too. It’s so obvious,” she said. Was it though? Because Grizz was doubting everything.

 

“Then why doesn’t he want to be with me?” Grizz asked.

 

“What exactly did he say? What were his exact words?” she asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Grizz said, because it all seemed so blurry and far away and he didn’t want to think about it, “something about needing space from me.”

 

“Well, that’s not exactly a break up,” she snorted.

 

“It was a break up, Gwen,” Grizz argued.

 

“What else did he say?” she asked.

 

Grizz sighed, “just…college stuff. Like…something about maybe when he’s in college we could…I don’t know.”

 

“He’s literally just scared of you leaving. Grizz, you’ve gotta talk to him,” she urged.

 

Grizz shook his head in defiance, “I’m too much for him. I’ve always been too fucking much.”

 

“If you don’t talk to him, I will,” she said.

 

“No, Gwen,” Grizz sat up, his head feeling like it weighed a ton as he looked at her, “you weren’t there, okay!? He doesn’t want to be with me anymore!”

 

“Okay…okay. I’m sorry,” she muttered.

 

“No, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to yell,” Grizz said softer. Fuck, he was being such a piece of shit. No wonder Sam didn’t want to be with him. Those were all the thoughts drifting through Grizz’s head. He was just listing off every reason why he wasn’t good enough.

 

“It’s okay,” Gwen said with a small, sad smile.

 

Grizz sniffled, wiping at his eyes and cheeks but the tears had dried up at that point.

 

 “Do you think I can stay here tonight? Everything’s fucked at home too,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened?” she asked.

 

“I got into a fight with my mom about going away to college and I came out to her. I didn’t mean to. I was just so mad and just blurted it out,” Grizz told her.

 

“Oh fuck. What’d she say?” she asked.

 

“She didn’t take it too well. But I don’t think she’ll tell my dad. She’s scared of him,” he explained.

 

“Oh God.”

 

“Fuck college. I’m not even gonna go if it’s gonna cause this much trouble. I should just stay here…” Grizz pondered the idea. Maybe if Sam really had broken up with him just because of the whole college thing then maybe he’d want to get back together if Grizz was going somewhere local, or at least in the same state.

 

“No, you’re not. You’ve wanted to get out of this town for as long as I’ve known you and you are not staying for your dickbag parents or some boy,” Gwen snapped.

 

“He’s not just some boy,” Grizz said. He was the love of Grizz’s fucking life, and sure, Grizz was young and dumb and probably didn’t even really know what love was, but he was so sure that Sam and him were meant to be together, and Grizz just didn’t know what to do now that that fantasy had been demolished.

 

Gwen tilted her head to the side and gave him a sympathetic look, “I know he’s not. But listen, maybe it’ll all work out. Maybe Sam just needs some breathing space and he’ll come around.”

 

“What if he doesn’t?” Grizz asked.

 

“Then…you’ll be okay,” Gwen resolved.  

 

“I don’t think I will be,” Grizz said in a small voice, practically whimpering like an injured dog.

 

“And I think you’re dramatic. Everything will sort itself out. You and Sam are endgame, and if not then you and I can just be the new Will and Grace,” she joked.

 

Grizz gave a small smile, although it didn’t reach his eyes. He just wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

 

“Tell you what, let’s laze around here all day watching Netflix. You can stay over tonight,” Gwen suggested, and that sounded like a really good idea because the last thing Grizz wanted was to go home. 

 

“Are your parents okay with a guy staying over?” Grizz asked.

 

“My parents don’t need to know. Now, settle in. I’ll get my laptop downstairs,” she said.

 

Grizz nodded before she left the room. Grizz took his phone out of his jeans pocket because he felt it vibrate a couple of times as he lay there. He didn’t really know what he was hoping. It was pure wishful thinking that maybe, just _maybe_ Sam was going to tell him to come back, that he changed his mind, that it was all some elaborate prank. But no, it was Luke. Grizz read over his messages before sending a reply.

 

 **Hey my dad texted me. You were over?** – Luke.

 **He said you were upset. Is everything okay?** – Luke.

 **I went to your house and your mom told me you left. Where are you?** – Luke.

 

 **I’m fine. I was just bored and wanted to hang. Don’t know why your dad thought I was upset. Weird!** – Grizz.

 

 **Oh okay. You sure?** – Luke.

 

 **Yeah all good.** – Grizz.

 

 **Where are you? You wanna hang?** – Luke.

 

 **I’m just studying. On kind of on a roll. See you at school tomorrow though.** – Grizz.

 

 **K man see you then.** – Luke.

 

Grizz switched from his messages with Luke, to his messages with Sam instead. His fingers hovered over the keypad. He just wanted to talk to him and ask him where he went wrong. He wanted to pathetically beg for him back. He wanted to just _talk_ , even if it was small talk about the damn weather, but Grizz couldn’t just text him. They were broken up.

 

Gwen came back into the room before Grizz could do something stupid. He looked up at her as he set his phone down on her bedside table.

 

“Alright, what movie genre?” Gwen said as she sat on the bed with her laptop open.

 

“Horror,” Grizz said.

 

“You sure you wouldn’t like a nice comedy? Might cheer you up,” Gwen said.

 

“Nope. I’m sulking. Give me blood and gore,” Grizz grumbled.

“If you insist,” Gwen sighed.

 

She nodded towards the bed and Grizz followed her lead, crawling further onto it against the headboard. Grizz just wanted to switch his brain off for a while, so he settled in next to Gwen and focused on the movie she put on.

 

\---

 

Grizz awoke the next day with Gwen spooning him from behind, and it wasn’t weird or anything. It was just nice and the kind of comfort Grizz needed. It took Grizz a moment or two to remember why he was in Gwen’s bed and when those memories came back to him, he just lay there like a corpse with zero motivation or intention to get out of bed. He was just going to stay there all day. That was if Gwen let him.

 

Grizz wasn’t sure how long they were laying there after he woke up, but he knew Gwen had woken up too because she started playing with his hair. He liked the small touches, even if they couldn’t live up to Sam’s. He was glad he ended up Gwen’s too because he couldn’t imagine Luke cuddling him like this.

 

“How are you today, Grizzy bear?” Gwen was the first to speak.

 

“I don’t know,” Grizz murmured.

 

“You’re gonna be fine,” Gwen said as she ruffled his hair.

 

“Maybe,” Grizz muttered into the pillow. He didn’t want her positivity in that moment. He had been broken up with Sam for twenty-four hours and he already missed him.

 

A brash knock sounded on Gwen’s door, making Grizz roll over into his side to look at his friend questioningly. Gwen sighed as she sat up, her hair looking strangely perfect despite just waking up.

 

“That’d be my mom. She doesn’t like me sleeping past ten,” she said.

 

There was a knock again and Gwen gave another dramatic sigh before flinging the covers off and heading to the door. She opened it just enough for her to talk to her mom, but not enough to show that she had a boy in her bed, because no matter how platonic it was, no mom wanted to see a boy in her daughter’s bed, especially one only in his boxers since Grizz had gotten too hot during the night and stripped down.

 

“Clark!?” Gwen’s shocked voice carried through the room.

 

Grizz sat up so fast his head spun. Clark? Did Grizz hear that right? Because if he did, he was so fucked.

 

“Hey, your mom let me in,” Clark’s distinct voice said.

 

Fuck. Grizz scrambled up from the bed, trying to be as quiet as humanly possible as he gathered his clothes from the ground. He should have hidden under the bed or something, but in the moment of panic Grizz’s priority was getting his clothes back on.

 

“What are you doing here?” Gwen asked. The nerves were clear in her voice.

 

“I just want to talk to you. There’s been something on my mind lately and I need your, like, help or advice, I don’t know. I’m so fucking confused about something,” Clark said, and it spiked Grizz’s interest but not enough to make him stop pulling on his jeans that were annoyingly inside out and twisted up.

 

“Oh, uh, well now’s not a good time,” Gwen said, and she got D minus for her acting skills. Grizz was gonna kill her.

 

“Why not?” Clark paused, “you got someone in there with you or something?”

 

“No,” Gwen said quickly.

 

“Gwen…I-, look, this is what I need to talk about. I don’t care if someone’s in there. I-,”

 

And that was the moment Clark forced the door open and laid his eyes upon Grizz, standing there by Gwen’s bed with his shirt off, hair dishevelled, doing up the buttons on his jeans. Fuck. Grizz froze. Gwen froze. And Clark looked between the two of them with the most pained look Grizz had ever seen on him.

 

“I fuckin’ knew it,” Clark breathed out, and then he was gone. Gwen and Grizz looked at each other in horror, but Grizz didn’t stick around for long. He tugged on his shirt before he made a dash for the door, running past Gwen, out to the hallway.

 

“Clark! Wait!” Grizz called out, but the boy didn’t listen. Grizz could hear him stampeding down the stairs.

 

This was bad, really bad. As if he wasn’t having enough trouble convincing Clark there was nothing going on with himself and Gwen, but he just had to go and walk in at the worst possible time. Grizz knew how bad it looked. He knew this would only make Clark’s paranoia worse, and Grizz didn’t blame him for it, because he knew if he found Sam in bed with another guy then he would be just as hurt as Clark was in that moment.

 

“Clark! Hold up!” Grizz shouted as he chased him down the street, “Clark! It’s not what it looks like!”

 

The second Grizz got close enough, Clark swung around, his fist flying wildly and connecting with his left cheek. The force made Grizz go down hard as he spun and landed on this hands and knees. He clutched at his face, fighting back hot tears. His face throbbed and well, it was the worst pain Grizz had ever felt in his life. Had Clark broken his cheekbone? It sure fucking felt like it.

 

“Not what it looks like!? You were in bed with her! She’s my ex man, what the fuck?!” Clark shouted.

 

Grizz was having trouble finding his bearings. He was on the verge of vomiting and he couldn’t see straight. People really had to stop fucking hitting him or he was sure he was going to have brain damage.

 

“It’s not…it’s not like that,” Grizz said when he finally managed to get back on his feet. His head spun as he noticed Gwen get to them.

 

“Tell him, Gwen,” Grizz demanded, because he was tired of her constantly standing on the sidelines while Grizz got all the shit Clark threw his way. It wasn’t fair.

 

“It’s really not what it looks like. He was upset and I was comforting him. That’s all,” Gwen said.

 

“You’re both liars. I’m so sick of it!” Clark barked.

 

“We’re telling the truth. Sam and I broke up and-“

 

“Stop! Just stop!” Clark screamed, “fuck, Grizz! Fuck. I hate you so fucking much you have no idea!”

 

Clark went to walk away again and on impulse Grizz chased after him. He ran around, getting in front of him. He put his hands to Clark’s chest, stopping him in his place.

 

“Listen to me, there’s nothing going on. I fucking promise you,” Grizz said, looking Clark right in the eyes.

 

Clark’s glare was menacing and filled with so much hatred. Grizz was surprised he didn’t spontaneously combust then and there from the sheer power of the look. Clark took a step closer, his nose mere inches away from Grizz’s as he spoke a low tone.

 

“Never, ever talk to me again, Grizz. You’re fucking dead to me.”

 

And Clark tried to go again but Grizz wasn’t giving up that quickly. He put his hand to Clark’s chest again in a desperate attempt to just get him to stop and listen because Grizz really didn’t want to lose someone else in his life.

 

“Clark stop, please,” Grizz begged.

 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Clark roared before the palm of his hand came up, connecting brutally with Grizz’s nose. Grizz stumbled back, clutching his nose as dark, red blood oozed from it.

 

“Clark!” Gwen screamed as she rushed over to Grizz’s side.

 

“Find some new friends at school. Both of you,” Clark spat.

 

They let him leave that time. Grizz watched him as he marched over to his car and got into, slamming the door behind him, and then he was off, leaving Grizz and Gwen on the side of the road, probably being watched by nosey neighbors through their curtains.

 

“Fuck. Oh my God, I can’t believe he just did that. Do I need to take you to a doctor?” Gwen asked quickly.

 

Grizz took a few deep breaths. Both hits hurt, like, really fucking bad, but he didn’t know if he needed a doctor or not.

 

“Inside,” was all Grizz got out.

 

His eyes were watering so he couldn’t see very well. Gwen took his upper arm and led him back towards her house. They went back upstairs and Gwen took Grizz into the bathroom.

 

“Here,” Gwen said, handing him a box of tissues, “I’ll get ice. I’ll be back.”

 

Gwen left the room and Grizz looked at himself in the mirror. He took his hand away from his face and he couldn’t even tell if his nose was broken or not. He wet a few of the tissues and gingerly dabbed at the blood, cleaning it up. He held a dry tissue to his nose to soak up more blood from running out. His entire face felt like it was on fire and throbbing so much that he thought it was going to explode.

 

“Here,” Gwen said as she handed him a pack of ice wrapped in a thin cloth.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz said as he took it from her. He held the pack to his cheek, hissing at how cold it was.

 

“Do you want to go to the emergency department?” she asked.

 

Grizz looked at himself in the mirror, taking the tissue away. He had a broken nose before, funnily enough given to him by Clark in freshman year. It was a football accident, but it hurt like a bitch and had Grizz’s nose bent out of shape. That was most definitely not a fun trip to the emergency room. Looking at his nose in the mirror though, it didn’t look broken. He touched it, and his cheek, feeling around and noting that they didn’t feel any different shape wise. They were swelling though, so Grizz put the ice back on with one hand, and soaked up the blood with the other.

 

“I’m okay,” Grizz said.

 

“You sure? Do you think it’s broken?” Gwen asked.

 

“It’s not broken,” Grizz said.

 

“I should call Luke. His dad’s a doctor. He can take a look,” Gwen said.

 

“No, don’t. It’ll just cause more drama and Clark might get in trouble,” Grizz said.

 

“And so he should. He can’t just hit you like that,” she argued.

 

“He saw us in bed together, Gwen. He’s just pissed,” Grizz said.

 

“But nothing even happened,” she said.

 

“He doesn’t know that. It looks bad,” Grizz said, and he didn’t really know why he was defending Clark. Perhaps Grizz’s pity party and general self-hatred during the past twenty-four hours just made him want to defend his friend, well, ex-friend, instead of himself.

 

“His fucking obsession with you is really getting out of hand though,” Grizz commented.

 

“I thought it stopped,” Gwen said. 

 

“What?”

 

“He hasn’t hit on me or anything like that for weeks. I thought he was over it,” she said.

 

“Yeah, well, maybe he was starting to be, but it probably doesn’t help seeing his friend and ex practically in bed together,” Grizz said. 

 

“I’ll talk to him,” she said.

 

“Don’t bother. He won’t believe anything we say. I already told him I’m gay and he didn’t believe me,” Grizz said.

 

“He’s such a fucking idiot. I can’t believe he hit you,” she shook her head. She analysed Grizz’s face and if she thought he looked bad then, she’d get a shock the next day when Grizz waltzed into school all purple and blue.

 

“Long time coming, I think. He really hates me,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe you need to prove you’re gay,” Gwen suggested.

 

“Yeah sure, I’ll just go get my boyfriend and make out in front of him. Oh wait,” Grizz sarcastically replied.

 

Gwen rolled her eyes at him. She took Grizz’s wrist and made him lower the hand that was holding the tissue to stop the bleeding. She looked at him carefully before giving a small smile.

 

“Bleeding has stopped, I think. You’re gonna need to ice that all day or you’re gonna swell up like a balloon,” Gwen said.

 

“I know. I’m gonna go. I’ll do it at home,” Grizz said.

 

“You don’t have to go,” Gwen said.

 

“Kind of wanna just be alone,” Grizz said honestly, because it seemed like lately whoever he spoke to, something happened. His mom, Sam, Gwen, Clark. There was no end, so he wanted to lock himself in his room where he couldn’t fuck up anymore.

 

“Are you sure?” Gwen asked.

 

Grizz nodded.

 

“Alright, well, you can come back any time you want,” she said.

 

“I know. Thanks,” Grizz said.

 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked.

 

“Yeah. Fuck, school is gonna be fucking hell,” Grizz said. He couldn’t think of anything worse. Clark hated him and if he told the guys and Helena then they’d all hate him too, and Sam didn’t want him. Maybe Grizz shouldn’t go at all.

 

“We’ll just hang out together. Fuck the rest,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz shook his head quickly, ignoring how the world spun when he did. “No. We cant. That’ll only make it worse. Maybe I can talk to him when he calms down.”

 

“Yeah, maybe,” Gwen shrugged.

 

“Alright, I’m going. I’ll text you,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay. Drive safe, please,” she said.

 

“I will.”

 

Gwen stepped forward and gave him a hug, and he relished in it considering she could very well be his one and only friend now. Grizz let go first and the two of them went back to Gwen’s room so he could get his shoes, phone and keys, and then he left the house, getting into his car and driving away.

 

The throbbing still radiated across his entire face, stemming mostly from his cheek but it wasn’t as bad as it was when Clark first hit him. Grizz couldn’t believe the events that transpired over the past twenty-four hours. He came out to his mom. He lost a boyfriend. He lost a friend. He was punched _twice._ He was slapped once. He didn’t even know how to process everything. He just wanted to go home and curl up in a ball where he couldn’t do anymore damage.

 

The thing was, there was something on Grizz’s mind. _Campbell_ was on his mind. While he was supposed to be sleeping, Grizz spent post of the night wracking his brain, trying to think of why Sam broke up with him, and yeah, the most obvious answer was that he was upset that Grizz was going away for college, but it didn’t make sense to him. They sorted that out. Sam kissed him in the library after the game with no signs at all that he was doubting their relationship and Sam had been excited to hang out on Saturday. Something didn’t make sense. There was a piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit.

 

Grizz knew that he should have just went home. That was the smart thing to do, but what the fuck else did he have to lose? He already got in a fight. He already had been broken up with. How much more damage could a conversation with the devil do? That was the thought process Grizz had as he drove up to the Eliot residence.

 

Grizz remembered the threat Campbell made to him weeks ago. He wanted Grizz to break Sam’s heart, and he couldn’t help but wonder if after being unsuccessful with him, that he went to Sam instead. A huge part of Grizz hoped and wished for him to be right, that Sam only broke up with him because of Campbell and that he really did want to be with him. Or, maybe Grizz was insane and grasping at straws.

 

 **Are you home? I’m outside your house and just want to talk.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz stared down at his phone. Campbell could very well not even be there. Although, his car was in the driveway. Grizz waited and waited for maybe ten minutes until that read receipt came through. Grizz watched the front door of Sam’s house, and for a moment he thought about driving away, but then the front door opened and out walked Campbell.

 

Grizz opened the car door and got out, leaving the car running just in case he had to make a quick getaway. Grizz’s fists tightened into a ball, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. Sure, his intentions were to only talk to Campbell, to question him, but if it came down to it, Grizz was in the exact headspace to fight. Grizz had nothing to lose.

 

“I thought I told you to stay out of my business, Gareth,” Campbell said as he got to him. His intimidation tactics weren’t working on Grizz, not today. That was why when Campbell got close, almost so they were chest to chest, Grizz didn’t even flinch.

 

“This isn’t about your business. It’s about mine,” Grizz said.

 

“Uh huh,” Campbell nodded, his small smile letting Grizz know he was intrigued, “and what exactly makes you think I care about your business?”

 

“I just have a question for you and I want a straight up answer and then I’ll leave,” Grizz said.

 

“You know, I don’t exactly appreciate being summoned and then, like, ordered to answer a question. It’s like you’ve never even met me before, Grizzy,” Campbell said, but there wasn’t any anger in his voice. Just humor. Always that fucking humor.

 

“Look, I just need to know something and then I’ll go, alright?” Grizz sighed. He was really fucking tired.

 

“Okay, fine. Shoot,” Campbell said.

 

Grizz swallowed hard before asking him, “did you threaten Sam and tell him to break up with me.”

 

Campbell watched Grizz with pure curiosity etched into the contours of his face before he broke out in laughter.

 

“Did he tell you that?” Campbell asked through the chuckles.

 

“No. I’m putting two and two together. He broke up with me and the only thing that makes sense is you made him do it, just like you tried to make me do it,” Grizz said.

 

“Jesus, fuck Grizz. You think that’s really the _only_ reason he would break up with you? Wow, you must really love yourself if you can’t see your own flaws,” Campbell said.

 

Grizz flinched at that. He should have known that coming to Campbell would be a dead end. It wasn’t like he could trust what he said anyway.

 

“Think about this. Maybe, just maybe, he never really liked you to begin with. I know my brother, okay? He’s not really the lovey-dovey type of guy. I’m pretty sure he’s been chatting up a few guys online too, so you’re really just not that special,” Campbell said.

 

“You’re so full of shit,” Grizz whispered in disbelief.

 

“Listen, what the fuck are you even doing here, Grizz? Why are we having this conversation? I don’t give a shit anymore about your stupid fucking relationship with my retard brother. You two can fuck each other all you want for all I care,” Campbell sneered.

 

Grizz watched him carefully, and he knew Campbell was a snake, but it really did seem like he was telling the truth.

 

“You really didn’t make this happen?” Grizz asked, his heart deflating.

 

“Consider this. Maybe he’s just not that into you,” Campbell said, and he shouldn’t have let Campbell get to him, but he was. He just really wanted Campbell to confirm that he was behind the break up, but he didn’t, and Grizz was back to square one.

 

“Are we done here?” Campbell asked.

 

“Yeah, we’re done,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Fan-fucking-tastic. And, by the way, who the fuck did that do your face? I wanna shake their hand,” Campbell said.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and didn’t let him get another word in. He got back in his car and sped down the street, heading home like he should have done in the first place. Grizz was just so emotionally exhausted, and his head was fucking killing him, and now he probably looked like a desperate, pathetic, loser in front of the one person he hated most in the world.

 

Grizz drove home, letting himself wallow in his misery. When he headed through the front door, he could hear the familiar roar of the television in the living room. He didn’t want to talk to his parents, so he headed towards the stairs, but of course with his bad luck he couldn’t just sneak in so quickly.

 

“Gareth?!” his mom called out.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz muttered. He didn’t want to make her anymore upset than she had been yesterday, and he kind of wanted to stay on her good side so she wouldn’t tell his dad anything, so he headed through the kitchen and to the living room.

 

“Where’ve you been?” his dad grumbled without looking up from his place on his arm chair. He took a swig from his beer bottle and kept watching the TV. His mom, however, did look up, her eyes going as wide as saucers when she saw his face.

 

“What happened to your face?” she gasped, and that made his Dad look up too, and Grizz wished he had just shouted that he was going to his room and disappeared.

 

“Well shit,” his dad grunted.

 

“Got into a fight,” Grizz told them.

 

“Why?” his mom asked.

 

“Over a girl,” Grizz said, and at least it wasn’t a lie.

 

He locked eyes with his mom and at first she looked maybe even a little guilty, but then she nodded her head in thanks, because to her it was like Grizz was pretending to be straight. She probably thought he actually got into a fight over a guy.

 

“That’s my boy,” his dad said.

 

“Yeah. I think I’m just gonna head to my room. Kind of tired,” Grizz said. 

 

Neither of them answered. His dad went back to focusing on the TV again and his mom just stayed silent. Grizz turned on his heel and went back to the kitchen. He dug out some frozen vegetables from the freezer and headed upstairs to his room. He kicked off his shoes and flopped down on his bed, placing the icy bag over his face.

 

He was going to have to answer so many questions in school the next day about his face, although, with Clark involved Grizz was sure that rumors would fly rampant and it would only be a matter of time until everyone found out what happened. He was more concerned about what everyone would be saying about Gwen, because Grizz would probably be reigned a bad-boy hero, and Gwen? Well, she’d probably be branded a slut, and it wasn’t fair.

 

“What happened, really?” a voice came from the door. His mom’s voice. Grizz sighed and moved the frozen peas to his cheek so he could talk.

 

“I got in a fight over a girl. I wasn’t lying,” Grizz said. He stayed laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

 

“So…what…you like…both?” she asked.

 

“You don’t have to pretend to be interested. Sam and I broke up, so you don’t have to worry about your faggot son anymore,” he said bitterly. 

 

There was a moment of silence and Grizz thought she left him there before she spoke up again, “thank you. This’ll be for the best, trust me.”

 

Grizz had nothing to say. He just rolled over on his bed with his back to her, and waited for her to leave. After a moment he finally heard the door snap shut. Grizz curled into a ball on his bed, just like he planned to do, with the frozen vegetables against his nose to stop the swelling. It was barely mid-morning and Grizz was ready for bed.

 

Everything had fallen apart and Grizz didn’t know how to pick up the pieces.


	28. Because

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 27 recap: After Sam broke up with him Grizz spent the night at Gwen's because he didn't want to be alone. Clark turned up the next morning and got the wrong idea resulting in him punching Grizz a couple times and cancelling their friend membership. Grizz spoke to Campbell to see if Campbell organized the break up. Campbell lied. Grizz believed. Grizz sad. And his parents still suck.

Grizz got to school early, and he had no idea why. Thinking back on his decision, he wished he had turned up seconds before the first bell so he could just make a beeline for his first class. Instead he walked down the hall and had to endure everyone staring at him and whispering. His face didn’t look _that_ bad, surely? Perhaps Grizz spent so much time staring at himself in the mirror that morning that he got accustomed to the bruising. At least the swelling had gone down overnight.

 

People were gossiping. Grizz knew they were and he wasn’t being paranoid. He didn’t really care all too much what they were thinking of him. This was why he was so desperate to get out of high school and into college.

 

Grizz wanted to go and find his friends like he usually would if he turned up early, but instead he was avoiding them. He knew Clark would have gone to them and told them what happened, and Grizz didn’t want to face it. He didn’t want the questions. He didn’t know how to answer them except to deny there was anything going on with himself and Gwen, and then it was his word against Clark’s.

 

Then there was Sam. Grizz’s heart ached whenever he so much as thought of Sam now, so when he saw him at his locker with Becca, Grizz died a little inside. No, actually, he died a lot inside. He wanted to crumple to the floor and never get up again. He wished he never told Sam about college. How could Grizz be so insensitive? Of course Sam didn’t want to wait for him. He didn’t want long distance. Grizz wasn’t worth it.

 

Grizz’s gaze dropped the second Sam looked up at him. He kept walking, keeping his head down, focused on his shoes as he walked. He needed to get away from the stares. He wanted to be alone. He briefly considered just turning around and leaving the school all together, but instead he made his way to the library.

 

Heading in, Grizz relished in the ambient silence of the room. He went straight to the back corner where his favorite bean-bag was. He picked up a random book on the way, not bothering to see what it was because he wasn’t going to read it anyway. He just wanted to look busy in case anyone rounded the corner.

 

Grizz flopped down onto the bean-bag, sinking into the cushiness of it. Grizz was like a zombie. He had cried all he possibly could cry yesterday and the night before. He felt all the pain, and now he just didn’t want to feel anything at all. He wanted to shut down. He wanted to focus on his school work and get in and out of each class unscathed.

 

That was what Grizz told himself. What he _really_ wanted was Sam back. What he wanted was Clark to not hate him. What he wanted was for his face to not be fucking purple. Grizz sat there with the book open, not reading a single word, as he thought of all his desires. He didn’t stay alone for too long though, because in his peripherals he noticed someone standing at the end of the bookshelves.

 

Sam. Grizz’s eyes focused on him in a squint, as if he was worried he was seeing things, because there Sam was, in the library, looking down at him on the floor. Grizz, still not wanting to feel a thing, turned his attention back to the book and began reading the same line over and over again. It was an odd feeling, wanting so badly to talk to Sam but also never wanting to talk to him again. He wanted the boy to leave, but he wanted him to stay.

 

He stayed. Sam went over to Grizz and knelt on the ground in front of him. Grizz peered up over the book in sheer curiosity. Sam was staring at his face, his eyes darting from his nose to his cheek. If only Sam saw how bad he looked yesterday all swelled up and covered in blood. Grizz didn’t know what Sam was thinking as he reached out like he was going to touch Grizz. Grizz turned his face away. Sam couldn’t do that. He wasn’t allowed. Grizz wouldn’t allow it.

 

“Did Campbell do this or was it really Clark?” Sam asked. Grizz turned his face back to Sam so he could read his lips. Grizz wasn’t in the mood to try signing though, and that was when he realized he wasn’t just hurt. He was mad.

 

“So, the rumors have started, huh?” Grizz asked.

 

“I heard from Becca,” Sam said.

 

“Oh yeah? How’d she hear?” Grizz asked, not that he cared.

 

“Gwen, I think. I didn’t really get the full story. I came to find you instead,” Sam said.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because,” Sam shrugged.

 

And Sam wasn’t allowed to do that either. He couldn’t just come and check in on Grizz after breaking up with up. He wasn’t allowed to act like a boyfriend.

 

“It was Clark,” Grizz finally answered.

 

“Why? What happened?” Sam asked as he settled more comfortably on his knees in front of him.

 

“On Saturday after…you know… I went to Gwen’s and ended up staying the night. Nothing happened but Clark turned up the next morning and found me in her room and…yeah,” Grizz said, and he knew he was only telling Sam the truth because he didn’t want Sam to think he actually did hook up with Gwen.

 

“Oh…” Sam nodded in understanding.

 

“Yeah. He thinks me and Gwen are together and now he hates me, and all my friends probably fucking hate me. I have no boyfriend. Uh, I came out to my mom too which was just…fan-fucking-tastic, so all in all, I think I had an awesome weekend,” Grizz rattled everything off, and yeah, that just about summarized the past forty-eight hours.

 

“You came out to her? Seriously?” Sam asked. He reached out and touched Grizz’s hand, and Grizz just looked down, because what the fuck was happening? Sam couldn’t just comfort him like that, and Grizz couldn’t just unload all of his problems onto Sam anymore. He couldn’t vent like this.

 

“You can’t do that,” Grizz tore his hand away.

 

“We can still-,”

 

“What?” Grizz cut him off, “be friends? That doesn’t work for us and you know it. I don’t want to be your fucking friend, Sam.”

 

“I’m sorry…” the other boy whispered.

 

“For? You don’t want to be with me. You don’t have to apologize for that,” Grizz said, and the entire conversation was not helping with Grizz’s attempts to shut down. His emotions were at fever pitch and he needed to turn them off to just get through the day. It especially wasn’t helping that Sam was looking at him like _that_ , all apologetic and, dare Grizz even think it, teary eyed.

 

“I can’t be around you,” Grizz breathed before he got up and high-tailed it out of there.

 

It was almost time for class anyway. It took all of Grizz’s concentration to not run to the bathroom and cry his eyes out. It fucking hurt to cry anyway. Grizz tried to forget about the conversation as he headed to his first class of the day.

 

Grizz ignored everyone around him, except for the teachers in each class. He zoned out most of the time. He didn’t pay any attention to Luke in Chemistry class who was just looking at him, but not saying a word, probably because Grizz made it more than obvious he wasn’t in the mood to speak. He wondered what exactly Clark had told Luke. Actually, he wondered what Clark had told everyone else, because he was beginning to get a lot of dirty looks from people he had never even spoken to before.

 

In the class before Lunch, Gwen texted Grizz, and it was the only form of communication he would have with her that day. She was basically his only friend at that point and he couldn’t even talk to her properly because of the rumors flying around.

 

 **I’ve had sex with ONE guy in my entire life and yet I’m the slut of the school. You’re gay and apparently some major stud who steals his friend’s girlfriend. GOD I LOVE SOCIETY** – Gwen.

 

 **I’m sorry. This is fucked.** – Grizz.

 

 **It’s whatever. I don’t even care what they think.** – Gwen.

 

 **How’d it even get out? Do you think Clark is talking shit everywhere he goes?** – Grizz.

 

 **Clark told Luke. Luke told Helena. Helena told Erica (she’s sorry! She didn’t think she’d tell anyone!) who told Lexie who told the entire fucking school.** – Gwen.

 

 **Great.** – Grizz.

 

 **Ikr. I’m with Erica at lunch. Join us because I don’t think Clark’s gonna welcome us back any time soon. Jason is pissssssssed.** – Gwen.

 

 **Not a good idea for us to be seen together. I’m gonna try and talk to Clark.** – Grizz.

 

 **Do you really think THAT is a good idea???** **–** Gwen.

 

 **What else do I have to lose?** – Grizz.

 

Lunch time rolled around and Grizz was actually nervous. He took one step into the cafeteria and he knew in an instant that the news had spread. Gwen was right. The whole school did know what happened and everyone was looking at him, judging him, and Grizz was pretty sure that coming out wouldn’t have been as intense as this. The only thing that made Grizz take that next step was knowing that the opinions of ninety nine per cent of those people did not matter to him.

 

Grizz saw Gwen first, sitting with a group of girls, talking and laughing with them, and he knew she had on her ‘I don’t give a fuck’ persona but he knew deep down she was probably hurt over the rumors. Next, Grizz’s eyes landed on Sam who was with Becca. Becca looked up, but Sam didn’t. Becca gave him a small smile. Well, at least that was someone else who didn’t hate him.

 

Grizz was on the verge of shaking as he made his way over to his usual table. Sure, he was trying to shut down. He was trying to tell himself that he didn’t care what everyone thought, but he couldn’t turn off his anxiety, and it was there, in the back of his mind, niggling away. It was funny how Grizz was so set on moving to college and forgetting everyone, but there he was, desperate for his friends to not hate him. And maybe he cared about them more than he thought.

 

“Hey,” Grizz spoke as he got to the table.

 

He stood there, not willing to sit down because he could feel how awkward it was. He saw it in Helena and Luke’s faces, in the nervous smiles. None of them wanted him there. Grizz focused on Clark who was staring straight ahead, not acknowledging him at all. Neither was Jason. Grizz had been ostracized by his own friends, not even able to tell his side of the story. Grizz sunk further into his self-hatred.

 

“Uhm…sorry. I don’t know why I came over here,” Grizz said.

 

“Me either,” Jason snapped. 

 

“Jason!” Luke scolded.

 

“What? He was in bed with his ex. It’s fucked,” Jason was mad, really mad, and he knew Jason and Clark were best friends, but he didn’t think Jason could just toss him aside like that. It hurt. It hurt even more knowing he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

 

“I-I didn’t. Nothing happened,” Grizz argued.

 

“You were in bed with her!” Jason countered.

 

Grizz looked to Luke for help. His best friend would be on his side, right?

 

“Dude,” Luke started, “if what he said about you and Gwen is true then…I don’t know man. What’s going on?”

 

“No, Gwen said it wasn’t like that,” Helena said.

 

“You trust Gwen over Clark’s own eyes?” Jason asked.

 

They kept arguing and Grizz blocked them out. He couldn’t stand the anger in Jason’s voice or how Helena was playing devil’s advocate just because she was the nice one, or the look of disappointment on Luke’s face. He ignored them all, because he needed to talk to Clark.

 

“Clark,” Grizz said.

 

That got his attention. Only it wasn’t the attention Grizz wanted. Clark glared at him with so much hatred and ferocity that Grizz was at a loss for words. He didn’t know what do or say and, fuck, Clark really hated him. Grizz couldn’t stand it. He was going to lose it, and he scolded himself as a few tears ran down his cheeks, all the while with Clark watching him. Grizz wiped his cheeks hastily, willing himself to stop.

 

“Uhm, I’m gonna go do some gym, uh, for the break, so…sorry for…bothering…” Grizz choked out.

 

He turned and left the table before he could make any more of an idiot of himself. He locked eyes with a concerned Gwen who went to get up, but he waved her off, shaking his head. It wasn’t a good idea for her to follow him. Grizz stormed out of the cafeteria, trying not to lose it in the middle of the hallway.

 

Grizz made it down to the empty locker rooms in time. He leant against the lockers, breathing in and out quickly and heavily, tears falling down his face. _Calm down_ , _Grizz. Calm the fuck down._ He just wished he had Sam in that moment, to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him, comfort him. He needed Sam and sure, he could learn to live without him, but he didn’t want to, and now he probably won’t have anyone else like him in his life any time soon, if at all.

 

Grizz was so out of sorts. He wanted to be transported to that safe, happy place Sam always provided with every kiss, touch, and his mere presence. He craved it. He needed something, _anything._ Maybe he could have handled not having Sam, if he had his friends. It was either make up with Sam or make up with Clark. He just needed one and maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

 

“Fuck!” Grizz shouted and he turned, punching the lockers hard, because what was one more bruise? He hit the locker again and again, the dent getting larger and larger. Hot tears ran down his cheeks and Grizz just couldn’t stop. He hit the locker like he was hitting the universe for not giving him a god damn fucking break.

 

“Hey, fuck, stop it!” a strong hand came of nowhere, latching onto Grizz’s wrist and making him stop his attack on the defenceless locker.

 

Grizz turned, almost wanting to hit whoever it was, but stopped when he saw Clark. Clark? There Grizz was, hand almost bleeding, tears running down his face and the one _friend_ who probably hated him the most in front of him. The thing was, that hardened look of hatred from before had softened into one of concern.

 

“Fuck, Grizz, don’t cry,” Clark said in a soft voice.

 

Grizz looked away, closing his eyes, trying to calm himself down. Clark put his hands on both of Grizz’s shoulders and when he looked back up at Clark, he somehow felt himself relax.

 

“Grizz, come on. I’m sorry, okay? I was pissed. I’m…sorry,” Clark said, and it made zero sense to Grizz what was happening, and it made even less sense when Clark pulled him into a hug.

 

Grizz froze up at first, thinking this could be some kind of attack, but he soon realized it wasn’t, and then he melted against Clark. It was nothing like a hug from Sam. Sam was usually colder and smaller than Grizz was, and yet he made Grizz feel like the small one, all warm and cosy being wrapped up in his boyfriend. This was different.

 

It was nice. It was confusing, but nice. Clark’s arms were wrapped tightly around him, one hand on the back of his neck rubbing soothingly. And Grizz’s chest felt so warm. He craved the comfort and honestly, it was just so relieving that Clark didn’t hate him. Right? He couldn’t hate him and hug him like that.

 

“I just…don’t know what to think,” Clark’s voice murmured into Grizz’s ear.

 

“About?” Grizz asked.

 

“Lot’s of things,” Clark shrugged as he let go of Grizz. He stayed close, and Grizz wasn’t used to this from Clark, even when they were friends, they didn’t get close like that. They had always been bros. There had never been anything deeper in the friendship, not like how it was with Luke.

 

“Fuck,” Clark said as he reached out and touched the side of Grizz’s face. Grizz flinched when he pressed a little harder against the bruise on his cheek. “I’m sorry I hit you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Grizz shrugged, but didn’t say anything.

 

“I, uh, I spoke to Gwen. She said nothing happened, but also wouldn’t tell me what you were doing at her house in her bed, so you can see why it’s kind of shady. I just don’t get why you would do this. I mean, are you in love with her or something?” Clark asked.

 

Grizz shook his head. This was going to be an uphill battle.

 

“Sam broke up with me and I was upset. She’s my only friend that knows about us. That’s why I was there. She was just comforting me because I didn’t want to go home because I came out to my mom too and it didn’t go well,” Grizz explained.

 

“Again with the gay thing,” Clark sighed.

 

 “I’m so over arguing with you about this,” Grizz felt so defeated.

 

“I just don’t get it,” Clark said.

 

“What’s there to get?!” And great, Grizz was yelling. He was on the verge of getting his friend back and now he was _yelling_ at him.

 

“You don’t see how this is confusing? I’ve seen you hook up with girls. Carla. Allie that one time in summer camp. That girl we met skiing,” Clark said, and he could have rattled off more, but he didn’t.

 

“Those didn’t mean anything, Clark. It was just a cover,” Grizz said.

 

“If you can so easily do this ‘cover’, then how am I not supposed to think that you being ‘gay’ is just a cover for you and Gwen?” He asked, and he had a point.

 

“Because it’s the truth, Clark! I’m gay. I’m dating…I _was_ dating Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“Prove it,” he challenged.

 

“What?”

 

“Prove that you’re gay,” Clark said.

 

“Fine, fuck,” Grizz said as he took his phone out of his pocket. He opened his photos and found the stream of selfies he and Sam had taken one night when they were by the river. A lot were just pictures of Sam, but there were also a lot of selfies of the two boy’s kissing.

 

Clark took the phone and looked down with a frown. He scrolled through all the pictures, going back and forth, and honestly, if this didn’t prove to Clark that he was gay then he didn’t know what else to do. He just really needed Clark to not hate him. Clark looked up at Grizz through long eyelashes, the realization clear on all his features, but he didn’t look as surprised as he should have been, because Clark had known for weeks that Grizz was gay. He just didn’t want to believe it.

 

“Fuck, so you’re actually…” Clark trailed off.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz nodded as he took his phone back and shoved it in his pocket. He was annoyed because those pictures weren’t meant for anyone else’s eyes.

 

“So…you and Gwen?” Clark asked.

 

“Never a thing,” Grizz said.

 

“And you and Becca?” Clark asked.

 

“Nope.”

 

“And you and Sam?”

 

“Broken up.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah…okay,” Clark whispered, and then he didn’t say anything. He just stood there close to Grizz, not saying a damn thing and, well, Grizz had thoughts.

 

“Listen, I know you’ve believed me for a while. You’ve just been like, in denial or something because you’re not okay with it,” Grizz said.

 

“What? I’m okay with it,” Clark defended.

 

“Then why have you been so fucking weird around me since I first told you?” Grizz asked.

 

“I haven’t been.”

 

“Then why are you avoiding me?” Grizz countered.

 

“Because.”

 

“Because?”

 

And Grizz stood there, looking at Clark, waiting for an answer than never came in the form of words. Instead, it came in the form of Clark launching himself at him, taking Grizz’s face in his hands and kissing him.

 

Grizz stumbled back in shock, but Clark moved with him, his lips not moving from where they had planted against Grizz’s. And Grizz was just confused, because what the fuck? Clark was kissing him? Clark was gay? Or bi? So many questions ran through Grizz’s head and _nothing_ made any fucking sense, especially the fact that Grizz wasn’t exactly repulsed by the kiss.

 

Clark’s lips left his and both boy’s eyes opened as they looked at each other. Both frowning. Both as confused as the other. And the funniest thought of all was Grizz thinking that, well, at least Clark didn’t hate him. Followed by _what was happening?_ And _why aren’t I moving away?_

 

Clark glanced down at Grizz’s lips, and fuck, it was going to happen again, and Grizz _still_ didn’t move away. Grizz closed his eyes just as Clark pressed their lips together, softer that time. The familiar tingles and warmth in the pit of Grizz’s stomach had him questioning everything. And he was just so damn confused.

 

“What are you doing?” Grizz spoke against Clark’s lips.

 

“Shh,” Clark hushed him then kissed him a little harder.

 

It was wrong. Grizz knew that. But at the time he didn’t care. At the time, for some insane reason, it was exactly what Grizz needed, and with Clark’s lips pressed against his, he found it a little harder to think logically, so all common sense was thrown out the window, and honestly, it could have been _anyone_ kissing Grizz in that moment and he would’ve kissed back.

 

Grizz caught Clark’s bottom lip, sucking gently as the other boy pressed his back against the lockers. It was _hot._ That was what Grizz was thinking as his brain malfunctioned. Kissing Clark was hot and maybe it was because it was so wrong that made it like that.

 

Clark’s tongue forced its way into Grizz’s mouth, making Grizz moan as they deepened the kiss. Clark had his fingers all tangled up in Grizz’s hair and Grizz’s body worked on its own accord as he grabbed Clark’s hips and pulled his body flush against his.

 

 _Stop_ , Grizz told himself. But he didn’t. He didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want that warm feeling to go away. He was in a little bubble that he didn’t want to burst, and that was when Grizz realized that it wasn’t kissing Clark that he wanted. He just wanted the comfort. The feeling was the same feeling as when Clark hugged him.

 

Grizz was also undoubtedly turned on, and so was Clark. He could feel it against him and in the way Clark’s lips attacked his with such fervor, in the way Clark’s teeth nipped at his bottom lip and the way his tongue slid against his. _Stop Grizz, fucking stop. This is a bad idea._ Grizz ignored the voice in his head and kept at it.

 

He had no idea how long the two of them made out against the lockers for, but he knew it was long enough to start tugging at each other’s clothes. He knew it was long enough to forget where they were, that they were in school, that they weren’t alone. And that fact became apparent when the sound of a door slamming shut made Clark jump away from Grizz.

 

Grizz whipped around to face the door, seeing it rattling on its hinges, but they were alone in the room. _Fuck._ Grizz ran over to the door and yanked it open. He looked out into the empty hall. No one was in sight, but someone had been there. He heard footsteps. Grizz left the room and ran down the hall. He got to the end to see if anyone was there, but there wasn’t.

 

“Shit,” Grizz hissed.

 

He quickly made his way back to the locker room. He went in, seeing Clark in a state of distress. He was pacing, running his fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands. And Grizz suddenly wasn’t too worried about how he himself felt about the kiss, because Clark was panicking and Grizz had been there before. He knew what Clark was feeling.

 

“Fuck. Who was it?” Clark asked, his voice filled with fear.

 

“I don’t know. They’re gone,” Grizz said.

 

“Fuck!” Clark shouted, “fuck, fuck, fuck!”

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Grizz stepped towards him.

 

Clark looked at him, his eyes wide in horror. He shook his head quickly and opened and closed his mouth a few times like he wasn’t sure what to say, and Grizz didn’t blame him, because he had no idea what to say either.

 

“I gotta go,” Clark said and made a move to walk past Grizz but Grizz stood in front of him, stopping him.

 

“Clark-,”

 

“Sorry. Grizz. Fuck. I- fuck. Sorry. I shouldn’t have done- I just…I-,” Clark stumbled over his words.

 

“It’s okay, Clark. It’s okay, I promise,” Grizz said, desperate for his friend to stop panicking.

 

“Fuck,” Clark whimpered, near tears, and he didn’t stick around for a second longer. He pushed past Grizz and Grizz had no means to stop him as he ran from the locker rooms.

 

Grizz stood there on his own, his lips still swollen and tingling. And fuck. He and Clark kissed. They fucking _kissed_ , and that raised so many questions. Clark wasn’t straight? Clark liked Grizz? What the fuck? Clark was supposed to love Gwen. He was supposed to hate Grizz. Nothing made sense, but at the same time it seemed to make _perfect_ sense.

 

Grizz sat on the bench and ran his fingers through his hair. Guilt was creeping in. It almost felt like he cheated on Sam. He’s fucked his friendship with Clark too. And someone saw? Everything was a mess and all Grizz wanted to do was get out of there, so he did. He went back to his locker, got his car keys, and left.

 


	29. Honesty Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 28 recap: Grizz went to school with his face all messed up because of Clark. Rumors flew around and everyone thinks Grizz and Gwen did the horizontal tango and Clark got mad. Sam tried to be friends with Grizz but he wasn’t having any of that nonsense. Grizz tried to talk to Clark and realized his friends were upset with him so he ran off to punch some lockers. And then Clark…kissed him??? What????? But someone saw them????? And Grizz kissed him back because he was sad???? Shook.

It was Thursday and Grizz hadn’t been to school since Monday. He wasn’t sure if he was legitimately sick or if he was suffering from a broken heart. He couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t sleep, which was problematic because he spent almost every second of each day lying in bed, wide awake, and by that point he could count every little scratch and mark on his ceiling.

 

He really did plan on going to school that day, but he stayed in bed for so long trying to convince himself to get up that he had wasted so much time that it was pointless even trying to get to school on time. His parents didn’t even notice. Neither of them came to find him in the morning when he wasn’t up and getting ready at the same time they were. Neither of them questioned why he skipped dinner for three nights in a row. They didn’t care and that was fine because Grizz didn’t want to deal with them.

 

He was avoiding Clark too. He was confused about what happened and wouldn’t even look at his phone to see if the boy had texted him because that was just a whole other issue that Grizz didn’t want to have to face. Grizz was perfectly content curled up in his blankets like a burrito, pretending there was no outside world, like he was in some kind of black hole universe where nothing mattered.

 

Grizz was about to count the stripes on his curtains for the eighty forth time when he heard a knock on his door, and that was odd. His parents weren’t quite due home yet. Grizz didn’t move or say anything. He didn’t have the energy for it. Maybe the mystery person would just go away. Or maybe it was a burglar that would kill him. That would work too. Although, a burglar that knocked?

 

“Grizz!” it was Luke. Grizz groaned, burying his face in his pillow. Grizz didn’t think any of his friends would have turned up, considering they hated him, other than Gwen. Luke knocked again.

 

“Go away, I’m dead!” Grizz called out.

 

“Dramatic more like it,” Luke said through the door, then Grizz heard it open. Grizz stayed still, facing away from the door, not bothering to even look up at his friend, even if he was well aware of how rude that made him.

 

“Hey,” Luke greeted.

 

“What are you doing here?” Grizz asked.

 

“I came to check on you because you haven’t been in school in days and you’re not answering any of my texts,” Luke said.

 

“Oh.” 

 

 “Oh? Oh?” Luke scoffed, “what the fuck is going on, Grizz?”

 

Grizz mumbled an incoherent reply and shrugged.

 

“Alright, that’s enough. Get up,” Luke ordered.

 

“No.”

 

“Get up!” Luke yelled and the next thing Grizz knew, Luke had both hands around his ankles and was pulling him from the bed.

 

“Stop it! Luke!” Grizz wailed as he reached for the headboard to latch onto. His fingertips barely grazed the bedposts before he was yanked from the safe confines of his blankets and landed on the hard, carpeted floor.

 

“Oww, what the fuck, Luke?!” Grizz snapped as he rolled onto his back with a groan. He looked up at the culprit who was just standing there, obviously fresh out of school, wearing his varsity jacket, and fuck, that made Grizz mope all over again because Sam still had his fucking jacket. Grizz didn’t want it back.

 

“Jesus, Grizz. You need to shower, now. You fucking stink,” Luke said.

 

“Go away,” Grizz grumbled as he pulled the blanket from the bed to cover himself. The floor would have to do.

 

“Have you been like this every day?” Luke asked.

 

“So what if I have been?” Grizz asked.

 

“It’s pathetic. I don’t know what the fuck happened with you and Clark but both of you need to stop moping around, now get up and get in the shower,” Luke said. What? Clark was moping too? Grizz had barely thought about what had been going on at school while he was away. Were there more rumors? Did Clark stop them? Somehow Grizz didn’t even care.

 

“I’m sick,” Grizz said.

 

“Get up,” Luke ordered, and he was snatching the blanket off Grizz once more. The next minute, Grizz was being hauled off the ground as Luke dragged him to the door.

 

“This is unnecessary,” Grizz said.

 

“If you could smell yourself, you’d think otherwise,” Luke said.

 

“It’s not that bad,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, it is,” Luke said, and he took Grizz down the hallway and shoved him in the bathroom. Luke shut the door on him, leaving Grizz standing there by himself.

 

“I don’t hear that shower running!” Luke called through the door, “don’t make me come in there and give you a sponge bath.”

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and turned the shower on just to make him happy. Luke was probably right. He did need to shower. He felt all sweaty and sticky. His clothes, well, they were the ones he was wearing on _Monday_ and now it was Thursday. Grizz got a look at himself in the mirror. His hair was greasy and knotted, sticking up in all directions. His face wasn’t purple anymore, but instead an ugly yellow color. Grizz looked like an absolute mess. No wonder he was single.

 

Grizz undressed and, yep, it was _not_ a good smell. He was quick to get under the hot water and let it rinse away the past few days. He took his time too, his body not willing to move too fast, but he managed. He washed himself thoroughly and washed his hair too. By the time he finished the shower he was actually feeling a little better. Refreshed, but still tired, hungry and all around depressed. But at least he smelled of lavender.

 

Grizz got out of the shower and dried himself quickly before wrapping the towel around his waist and heading back to his room. Luke was still there when he walked in and was making his bed. Grizz remembered when he used to be the mom friend, not Luke. Luke barely took any notice of Grizz as he got dressed in fresh sweats and a t-shirt. Grizz flopped right back down onto the newly-made bed.

 

“Nope, none of that,” Luke said as he took both of Grizz’s wrists and pulled him back up in a sitting position. Grizz groaned, looking at Luke who was crouching down, eye-level with him.

 

“Something is going on with you, and this whole you and Gwen thing doesn’t seem right. What is going on, Grizz?” Luke asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Grizz…”

 

“It’s nothing,” Grizz’s voice shook, because why couldn’t Luke just leave it alone?

 

“Grizz, please. Talk to me,” Luke begged, and his eyes bore right into Grizz’s with a sense of desperation, and wow, Luke really cared. Grizz’s throat tightened under the intense scrutiny of his best friends gaze, and he realized that what he really needed in that moment was to just let it all out.

 

“Luke…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m gay,” Grizz murmured, barely audible.

 

Grizz thought he was supposed to be the one sighing in relief for finally getting that off his chest, but instead it was Luke who visibly relaxed before nodding his head and giving Grizz a small smile. Grizz couldn’t return it though, because just like that, with one little confession to the guy he used to tell _everything_ to, the flood gates opened once again.

 

Luke moved next to Grizz and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug as he started crying. Luke held him to his chest, patting his shoulder and telling him it was okay, but it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

 

“I’ve been dating Sa-Sam Eliot ‘n he broke up with me ‘n I d-don’t know what to do,” Grizz cried.

 

“What?” Luke asked in shock, “Sam broke up with you?”

 

And _that_ was the shocking part? Not that he was dating a boy in the first place? Grizz just nodded as he sobbed harder, and he really thought he cried all he had to cry, but just having Luke there made it all come out again, because he was on day five without Sam and it was killing him.

 

“Is that why you went to Gwen? Like, a rebound?” Luke asked.

 

“No, no,” Grizz shook his head as he sat back and wiped away his tears, “it wasn’t like that. I just went to her because she’s like my only friend that knows about me and Sam. I just didn’t want to go home so I stayed the night. Nothing happened, but then Clark turned up and well…just look at my face.”

 

“Gwen knows?” Luke asked a little bitterly.

 

“Don’t look so offended. She walked in on us during fugitives,” Grizz said.

 

“Hm,” Luke nodded, and Grizz could practically see the wheels turning in his head, like he was putting together all the pieces of the puzzle.

 

“So, hold up. Why did Sam break up with you?” Luke asked.

 

“I don’t know…I don’t know. Everything is so fucked,” Grizz said as his breath caught in his throat with a sob. He was trying to calm himself down, and had done so mostly.

 

“So, he didn’t say why?” Luke asked.

 

“I think because I’m going away to college, but it’s like…he doesn’t even want to try. I don’t know. I just think I’m, like, in love with him and he doesn’t give a shit. He just said he needed a break. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it because I just get more upset,” Grizz explained.

 

“Okay…uhm, does anyone else know? Like about you? Your parents?” he asked.

 

“Uh yeah. Campbell, Elle. They just saw us,” Grizz said, but he wasn’t going to dwell on how much of a mess that was, “I told Clark to get him off my back about Gwen, but he didn’t believe me at first, and God, Luke, that’s a whole other fucking mess. And my Mom…fuck Luke, I’m so scared.”

 

“Scared? Why?” he asked. And Grizz really didn’t have any intention of spilling every little thing to Luke just like that, but he missed talking to his best friend. He missed his advice and encouragement, and sure, Gwen was great and all, but Luke was Luke.

 

“Because…my mom is just pretending that I’m not gay, but she knows. And if my dad finds out then I’m fucked,” Grizz said.

 

“What, you think he’ll hurt you?” Luke asked, his eyes narrowing in anger.

 

“Maybe. I know he’ll kick me out. He’s said it before. He’s said it a lot of times. He would never tolerate a gay son. If he finds out then I’m on the streets. That’s why I’ve never come out. God, I’m so fucked,” Grizz said and just thinking about it had his breathing all out of sync. He ran his fingers through his hair, getting a tight grip. _Calm down. Fuck, Grizz, calm down._

 

“Hey, hey!” Luke got his attention. He took Grizz’s hands, carefully untangling them from his hair, and Grizz looked up into the eyes of his best friend.

 

“I’m fucked, Luke.”

 

“Hey, no. Listen, I need you to know that no matter what happens with your parents, you always have a room at my house,” Luke told him.

 

“No, I-“

 

“Stop it. You do. My parents like you more than they like me. Trust me, Grizz. You’ll never be homeless. Understood?” Luke asked, and when Grizz didn’t answer, Luke asked him again, “understood?”

 

Grizz took a deep breath before nodding. Luke made it sound so easy, and honestly Grizz trust Luke. He trusted that he was telling him the truth and that he really could actually have this safety net.

 

“Thank you. Everything’s just been so fucked lately,” Grizz muttered.

 

“Yeah, break ups can be shit man, but you can’t just hide away in here forever,” Luke said.

 

“That’s not all I’m hiding from,” Grizz said, and it was true. In fact, Grizz was sure the main reason he was hiding away was because he didn’t know how to confront Clark after what happened.

 

“What else is there?” Luke asked. 

 

“Well…something else happened…” Grizz started slowly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, and you can’t tell anyone, like seriously. I feel shit even telling you because he probably wouldn’t want me to, but I just don’t know what the fuck to do,” Grizz said.

 

“You can tell me anything and it won’t ever leave this room,” Luke said, and Grizz nodded, because he really needed the perspective from an outsider and there was no way he was telling Gwen what happened. He trusted Luke.

 

“Clark kissed me,” Grizz blurted out. Luke’s eyes went wide.

 

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked after a beat.

 

“The last day I was at school, at lunch time, he followed me to the locker rooms,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah…I told him he had to go talk to you and sort this shit out,” Luke said in confusion, like he was once again trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle.

 

“Right, well, we started arguing about me _not_ being gay…and he wanted me to prove that I am…so I showed him some pictures of me and Sam and then he…” Grizz didn’t even want to relive it, because thinking back on it was so incredibly awkward.

 

“What, he just kissed you?” Luke asked with a bit of a laugh.

 

“It’s was so fucking weird, Luke. He like…confirmed that I wasn’t into Gwen, or Becca, and broken up with Sam, like…like he was making sure I was free or something. Then I asked why he was avoiding me and he just…kissed me,” Grizz said. He was still so bewildered by the fact.

 

“I’m so fucking confused,” Luke murmured.

 

“Yeah, no shit. He’s been on my ass about Gwen for months and then he just kisses me,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe he’s jealous. Not of Gwen liking you, but of you liking Gwen,” Luke said.

 

“Shit.”

 

“It makes sense, sort of. I mean, he was always, _always_ more mad at you than he was at Gwen,” Luke pointed out. And no, that wasn’t what he wanted Luke to tell him. He wanted him to tell him that there was no way Clark was into him. He wanted Luke to give him a logical explanation for Clark’s behavior.

 

“Fuck. You think he actually likes me?” Grizz asked.

 

“I didn’t know until a minute ago that he was even into guys,” Luke said.

 

“Fuck. I don’t know what to do. I fucking kissed him back, Luke,” Grizz admitted.

 

“Oh. Okay. Uh…so…you like Clark?” Luke asked skeptically. 

 

“No. God no. Not like that. I was just in a really, really low place and…fuck, I don’t know. This is so bad,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened after the kiss?” Luke asked.

 

“Oh, that’s the fun part. Someone saw us, I’m pretty sure. We didn’t see who but the door slammed closed which made us stop,” Grizz explained.

 

“Fuck. And then?”

 

“And then Clark freaked and left. I haven’t spoken to him since,” Grizz said.

 

“So, that’s why he’s been so weird at school then,” Luke said.

 

“Why? What’s he doing?” Grizz asked. He should really check his phone to see if he tried to contact him. 

 

“He’s just quiet. And he keeps asking me where you are,” he said.

 

“Really? Fuck. No, no, no. He can’t like me, Luke. He can’t. I can’t deal with this,” Grizz was stressing again. He didn’t need this on his plate too.

 

“I think you might have to,” Luke said, and he was right. Clark was his friend, and if Grizz was struggling with what happened then there was no doubt Clark definitely was too.

 

“He’s supposed to be in love with Gwen,” Grizz said.

 

“He probably is too,” Luke said thoughtfully.

 

“Oh my God,” Grizz groaned and lay down on the bed.

 

“You obviously need to talk at some stage,” Luke said.

 

“I don’t know what to say to him. What if he really does like me? How do I reject him without completely destroying our friendship?” Grizz asked.

 

“You just gotta, like ripping off a band-aid. Besides, it sounds to me like your friendship is already on the rocks, so what have you got to lose by talking to him?” Luke asked, and he did have a point. How could the situation possibly get worse?

 

“Why the fuck does he like me of all people? It came out of nowhere,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe he’s just trying to experiment,” Luke suggested.

 

“Oh God.”

 

“You need to talk to him. Seriously. Fucking today, Grizz,” Luke urged.

 

Grizz was about to protest when Luke’s phone dinged loudly in his pocket.

 

“You can check that,” Grizz offered.

 

Luke shook his head, “Helena’s waiting for me at hers, that’s all.”

 

“Oh, sorry, you can go,” Grizz said.

 

“I can stay.”

 

“No, no it’s fine. I just wanna be alone, really,” Grizz said.

 

Luke sighed before he got up, “it’ll be okay, Grizz. This stuff with Sam, I don’t really know what his angle is, but maybe you just need to talk it out with him too?”

 

Grizz shrugged. There was so much talking that needed to be done. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to be happy with Sam. He wanted to be friends, _just friends_ , with Clark again.

 

“Maybe. Listen, can you keep this to yourself, please? Especially the Clark shit,” Grizz pleaded.

 

“I can, but you should tell Jason and Helena you’re gay too. They’d be cool with it. All this secret keeping isn’t healthy,” Luke said.

 

“Yeah, I’m beginning to figure that out,” Grizz murmured as he stood too.

 

“If I go now are you sure you’re gonna be okay? No more moping in bed?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Grizz said.

 

“Alright. You’re coming to school tomorrow.” It was an order.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Alright. I’ll see ya,” Luke said and he gave Grizz a quick hug with a clap on the back.

 

“Thanks for coming by, it actually helped,” Grizz said gratefully.

 

“Anytime. Go talk to Clark. I mean it,” Luke said.

 

“I’ll think about it,” Grizz said.

 

“No, you’ll do it,” Luke said, and Grizz just rolled his eyes.

 

“Alright, get out of here,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay, okay. Text me if you need anything,” Luke said.

 

“I will, see you tomorrow,” Grizz said, and then Luke left his room.

 

Grizz huffed and sat on the edge of his bed. Now that he was up, he kind of didn’t want to sink back into the depths of his bed. He eyed his phone sitting on his bedside table. It had been off since Monday and he dreaded the amount of texts he probably had. He reluctantly picked it up, turned it on and scrolled through the mass of messages.

 

 **Hey can we talk?** – Luke

 **Where’d you go today?** – Luke.

 **Where are you?** – Luke.

 **Is everything okay?** – Luke.

 **Clark told us not to be mad at you anymore but won’t say why. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?** – Luke.

 **Seriously! Come back to school!** – Luke.

 **I’m gonna come over if you aren’t back tomorrow.** – Luke.

 **Why aren’t you reading your texts?** – Luke.

 **Are you dead?** – Luke.

 **I’m coming over!!** – Luke.

 **I’m outside. I’ll break in if I need to.** – Luke.

 

 **Are you okay?** – Gwen.

 **Hello??????** – Gwen.

 **GARETH** – Gwen.

 **I get you need space but like text me???** – Gwen.

 **CLARK APOLOGIZED TO ME!!! I’m in some alternate universe I swear.** – Gwen.

 **I’m getting worried.** – Gwen.

 **I came over but the door was locked and no one answered. Are you home?** – Gwen.

 **BOYS ARE SO DUMB I SWEAR.** – Gwen.

 **I’m sending Luke.** – Gwen.

 

 **Bro. Sorry I was pissed the other day. Clark told me not to be mad n you and Gwen aren’t hooking up?? Where are you?** – Jason.

 

 **I’m sorry I fucked up.** – Clark.

 **Do you hate me? Please don’t hate me.** – Clark.

 **Why aren’t you at school?** – Clark.

 **I’m really fucking sorry.** – Clark.

 **I’m so confused.** – Clark.

 **Can we talk?** – Clark.

 **Never mind. It never happened okay?** – Clark.

 

Grizz’s heart clenched when he got to Clark’s messages. He could practically feel the pain coming from him and Grizz felt like absolute shit for ignoring him, even if he didn’t know the messages were sitting there. What also hurt was that he didn’t have a single message from Sam. Not one. And Grizz didn’t actually expect to, especially since he told Sam they weren’t friends, but still, Grizz had a tiny inkling of hope.

 

Grizz decided he had to go to Clark’s house. Sam was on tomorrow’s agenda. Grizz was just so tired of feeling so down. He wanted to fix things with both of them, and he had no clue how that was going to be possible with Sam, but with Clark it might be a little easier. Maybe.

 

\---

 

Not even ten minutes later Grizz found himself standing on the front porch of Clark’s house. He didn’t even know what he was going to say to Clark. He just knew he couldn’t leave him hanging anymore, so after psyching himself up, Grizz knocked on the door. Grizz waited for an answer, nerves bubbling up in his stomach. He didn’t really know how he was going to explain to Clark why he kissed him back, that it felt _good_ to kiss someone, but at the same time it wasn’t right, that Grizz was just feeling vulnerable and Clark was just _there._ He didn’t want it to sound like he used him.

 

Grizz jumped when the door opened and Clark appeared. The moment he saw it was Grizz though, his eyes went wide and he slammed the door shut, right in Grizz’s face. Well, that was rude. It took him a lot to get out of the house and make the decision to face Clark. He didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that.

 

Feeling disheartened, Grizz turned on his heel and stepped down the couple stairs off the porch. He almost made it half way across the front yard when he heard the front door creak open once more. Grizz stopped in his step, wondering if he heard right. When he turned to check, Clark was standing there against the doorframe hiding behind half of it, his head peaking out like a toddler hiding behind his mother’s legs.

 

Clark didn’t say anything, and neither did Grizz. Clark merely pushed the door open and stepped aside, silently telling Grizz to come in. Well, there was no turning back. Grizz made his way back up the porch step and maneuvered around Clark into the house. Clark shut the door and headed to the direction of his room in the basement. Grizz followed him, heading down the staircase.

 

Grizz had always really liked the set-up of Clark’s room downstairs. It was really big and spacious with its own bathroom and mini-kitchen. He could probably live down there without going up to his family for days. That was the dream. Grizz had been busy checking out the room that it took him a moment to realize Clark was standing there in the middle of it with his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

 

“So…” Grizz started, “I think we really need to talk.”

 

Clark nodded, “where’ve you been?”

 

“Home. I just…didn’t feel like coming to school,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh…because of me?” Clark asked, his gaze dropping to the floor.

 

“Because of everything,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“Okay. I, uh, I was really worried…that you like…uhm, do you hate me?” Clark asked, and he still couldn’t bring himself to look Grizz in the eyes. That was fine with Grizz. The conversation was awkward enough as it was.

 

“No,” Grizz sighed, “of course I don’t hate you.”

 

Clark glanced up and gave a little smile, “oh good. That’s good.”

 

“Yeah, but…I also don’t like you…like that,” Grizz stammered out cautiously.

 

“I don’t like you like that either,” the other spoke quickly, defensively.

 

“Clark…”

 

“God!” Clark shouted in frustration before flopping down on his bed. Grizz sighed again as he rolled the computer chair over from the desk and sat on it in front of the distressed Clark. Grizz didn’t want this conversation to be dragged out anymore than it needed to be. It was awful enough as it was and he was tired of the bullshit with Clark. They _had_ to clear the air.

 

“It’s honesty hour. I need to know what’s going through your head,” Grizz said.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Clark, come on,” Grizz urged.

 

“Ugh, feelings,” Clark whined with his eyes glued to the ceiling.

 

Grizz couldn’t help but laugh a little, “yes. Feelings. Emotions. A good old fashioned heart to heart chat. I’ll start if you want.”

 

“Whatever,” Clark said before grabbing a pillow and shoving it on his face. Grizz just ignored that and went on.

 

“Alright. So, I shouldn’t have kissed you back,” Grizz said.

 

“Awesome,” Clark’s voice was muffled but Grizz still caught what he said.

 

“That’s not to say it wasn’t a nice kiss, like, I mean, it was. I just…I was, still am, really, uh, in a really dark place. I was vulnerable and then you kissed me and at the time I kind of needed it. But like…no offence, but it could have been anyone and I would’ve kissed them back,” Grizz said, and he had been thinking of what to say the entire drive over there and it sounded a lot better in his head.

 

Clark sat up, the pillow falling to his lap. “So I took advantage of you?” he asked, his face contorting into a grimace.

 

“No! No, no. It wasn’t like that,” Grizz backtracked.

 

“I fucked up.”

 

“You didn’t. It was a kiss, not the end of the world,” Grizz said.

 

Clark exhaled heavily, looking down at his hands, “I didn’t even realize I was into you.”

 

Grizz didn’t know what to say. He felt a little sick knowing Clark was into him, but not because it was Clark, but because he really didn’t want to hurt his friend.

 

“Like…it’s not like I’m in love with you or _like_ like you or shit like that it’s just…” Clark went quiet.

 

“Don’t stop now. Spill it or it’s always gonna be weird with us,” Grizz said, mostly because he really needed Clark to lay it all out there before he decided on what was the best thing to say next.

 

“I thought I hated you, right? Like it started with the Gwen stuff and I was so fucking mad at you. Then after a while I kind of realized I didn’t like Gwen anymore but I was still so mad at you, and I was like…what the fuck, why?” Clark told him.

 

“Maybe because we’re friends and you were hurt?” Grizz threw out there. It was the only thing that made sense to him at least.

 

“Maybe…I don’t know. But then like…I asked out Becca, right? Because I thought you liked her too and wanted to make you jealous. Like…how fucked up is that? I wanted you to see me with her just to see if you’d be mad at me in the same way I was with you,” Clark said, and his own face was etched with confusion, much like Grizz’s. This really was a mess.

 

“I don’t know what’s going on in my head, Grizz,” he went on, “I’ve just always thought you were really smart and cool, and like, I’ve always looked up to you, you know? And I was so disappointed in you, in our friendship, when I thought you were going after Gwen. I was confused because like, how could _you_ do that to _me?_ And I didn’t know why I cared so much. Then when you told me you were gay that first time in my car, I just wanted to kiss you so fucking bad and I just got so pissed off.”

 

“And that’s why you didn’t want to believe me,” Grizz concluded.

 

“Right. I didn’t want to because these weird feelings and shit would’ve been valid. Like…I don’t know,” Clark shrugged.

 

“So…so wait a minute… before I came out to you, you just thought you hated me because I was a friend that was betraying you?” Grizz asked, trying to make sense of it.

 

“I guess.”

 

“Then I came out and _that_ was when you wanted to kiss me?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“So, you didn’t want to kiss me before?” Grizz asked.

 

“No? I don’t know,” Clark huffed in frustration.

 

“Alright, listen, I really don’t think you’re actually into me,” Grizz said, and maybe he was grasping at straws, but someone had to, right? Because Clark didn’t seem to know what the fuck was going on in his own head.

 

“What makes you think that?” Clark asked, just as hopefully.

 

“Because this came out of nowhere. There’s a very, very fine line between hate and love. And you _hated_ me, Clark. I mean you really hated me. I think you’ve gotten confused, especially when I said I was gay,” Grizz said.

 

Clark just blinked a few times, the theory going right over the top of his head.

 

“Do you want to date me?” Grizz asked.

 

“Eww, no,” was Clark’s initial reaction, “I mean, I don’t know? That’d be fucking weird, right?”

 

“Super weird. Can I ask you another question though?” Grizz said and went on without an answer, “have you ever been attracted to another guy before?”

 

“Hey, I like chicks, okay?” Clark argued.

 

“I’m not questioning that. I’m asking you if you’ve ever been attracted to a guy before,” Grizz repeated.

 

 “I’ve never had a crush on a guy before you,” Clark said.

 

“That’s not what I’m asking, dumbass. Have you ever been _attracted_ to another guy? Like physically,” Grizz said, and damn it, Clark better understand the question this time.

 

Clark sat there, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and then he just stayed silent, looking down at his hands again.

 

“Clark.”

 

“I don’t want to answer this question, okay!” he said defensively.

 

Grizz was sympathetic to Clark. He really did seem like he was struggling, and Grizz honestly didn’t think Clark actually liked him, because they had been friends for years. Just friends, and there was never any indication Clark liked him at all so why would he start now? Unless he was just confused and trying to figure himself out.

 

“Can I tell you how I figured out I’m gay?” Grizz said.

 

“I’m not gay,” Clark countered, giving Grizz a little galre.

 

“Alright, you’re not. But can I tell you about how I figured out I was into guys?” Grizz asked.

 

“How?”

 

“It was sixth grade. There was a new boy that just came to town and on his first day he sat next me and I freaked the fuck out because he was cute, like _really_ fucking cute. Like the cutest kid I had ever seen in my life. And we got paired up together on this project, you know the one, where we had to drop a bunch of eggs from the second floor and find a way from them not to crack?” Grizz explained.

 

Clarke’s face lit up, “oh right, and you were the smartass who boiled the eggs before wrapping them in bubble wrap. We totally killed that project. I-“

 

Clark stopped mid-sentence as what Grizz was saying dawned on him. Grizz nodded at Clark’s unspoken question.

 

“No fucking way,” Clark said in shock.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You had a crush on _me?_ ” he said in disbelief.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz laughed.

 

“What the fuck, you never said anything?” Clark accused, the betrayal clear in his voice, and maybe he was being a touch over dramatic, because it was only sixth grade after all.

 

“Because it didn’t matter. I realized it was just because you were hot and I only really liked you as a friend,” Grizz said.

 

“So, what, you think that’s the same case here?” Clark asked.

 

“I don’t know, maybe. I’m saying that anyone who questions their sexuality always has that one person who starts it all. And all I know is that we’ve been friends, purely friends since sixth grade, and that’s why I want to know if you’ve ever been attracted to another guy, because if you haven’t then maybe we need to think about the possibility of you actually just liking me, but if you have then maybe, just maybe you’re just curious and I’m the only gay person you know of, so you might be drawn to me because of that,” Grizz theorized, and he felt like he had cracked some sort of case.

 

Clark thought about it, mulling it over. And Grizz might be wrong. Clark might actually, legitimately have non-platonic feelings towards him, but the thing was, that even if he did, Grizz needed to shut them down, and Grizz’s theory was an easy out for the both of them.

 

“You’re so clever,” Clark said fondly.

 

“I know. So?”

 

 “So?”

 

“Attracted to another guy?” Grizz asked again.

 

“Uhm…no one in person, you know?” Clark couldn’t look at Grizz again.

 

“But like, what? Celebrities?” Grizz asked.

 

Clark twisted his hands together, going quiet once more, but fuck, Grizz was curious now.

 

“Clark.”

 

“I’ve jerked off to gay porn, okay? Like a lot of it,” Clark admitted.

 

“Right,” Grizz nodded, because wow. He wasn’t expecting that.

 

“But that’s normal, right? I mean, do you jerk it to straight porn? Or lesbian porn?” Clark asked hopefully.

 

“Uhm…no.”

 

“Fuck. Fuck. But like, I’m into chicks. Like I’m so into chicks. Like I’m positive that I wanna bang chicks,” Clark told him.

 

“There’s this wonderful thing called bisexuality, Clark. I think you’re just curious and need to figure it out somehow,” Grizz said. Clark tilted his head to the side as he thought about it.

 

“So…you think I should find a gay guy to take for a test drive?” Clark asked.

 

“Test drive? We’re not cars, Clark. But yeah, maybe,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Okay, can I try something?” Clark asked, scooching forward a little.

 

“What?”

 

“Can I just, like, kiss you again, just to see if it was a fluke?” Clark asked, and he was being one hundred per cent serious. Grizz considered it, only for a moment. He wanted to help out his friend all he could, but he also didn’t want to encourage Clark in the wrong way. If there was some sort of spark there, if Clark felt something, or if Grizz accidentally got carried away again, there could be no turning back from that, and the conversation had gone so well. Grizz didn’t want to screw it up.

 

“Uhm, no.” Grizz answered, “you can do whatever you need to figure yourself out, but I’m just saying that me and you? You’re barking up the wrong tree.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I mean, really? Can you really imagine you and me dating or hooking up?” Grizz asked, and he sincerely hoped Clark found it just as weird as he did. One tension filled kiss was enough.

 

“I can’t imagine dating a guy at all,” Clark said.

 

“Okay. And also, like, I’m pretty fucking in love with Sam, even if he doesn’t want me anymore. It’s just too soon for me. You’re gonna have to find someone else to take on a ‘test drive’,” Grizz told him.

 

“Another guy who likes guys? In this town? Fucking impossible,” Clark said.

 

“That’s what I thought too. I thought everyone here was straight except Sam. Maybe you can find someone a few towns over? Or go to a gay nightclub,” Grizz suggested.

 

“I am _not_ going to a gay bar,” Clark said as he scrunched his nose up in disgust. Oh boy, where was _a lot_ to unpack with Clark’s sexuality, and Grizz would try and help the best he could, but he wasn’t going to be a guinea pig.

 

“Alright,” Grizz laughed, “that’s fine. You do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

 

“Right…right. Thanks, Grizz. I’m, uhm, I’m really sorry…about everything. Like, the face, and the Gwen stuff, and the whole…kissing you thing,” Clark spoke sheepishly.

 

“Water under the bridge,” Grizz said as he stood up, “anyway, good chat, but I think I’m gonna head home.”

 

“Okay. Thanks for coming over, and you know, not being weird about this,” Clark said as he too stood with Grizz.

 

“It’s fine. I’ve been through this shit too, you know? I’m here if you need anything,” Grizz said.

 

Clark smiled and surprised Grizz a little by stepping forward and pulling him into a giant bear hug.

 

“We cool, bro?” Clark asked.

 

Grizz chuckled a little as he fought his way from the bone-crushing hug, “yeah, bro. Were cool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Also I'm working on figuring out how many chapters this story will be so I can put it on the thingy. I feel like there's probably another 20 chapters at this point. Maybe more? Who knows. I never want to stop.


	30. Cold shoulders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 29 recap: Grizz hid away in his bedroom for a few days before Luke came looking for them and they had a chit chat. Grizz came out to him and told him about the Clark kiss. Luke was a good friend and told Grizz he'd always have a place to stay with him in case things went bad. Grizz went and spoke to Clark and after a bit of awkwardness decided that Clark is probably bi and should figure that shit out but Grizz made it very clear his heart belongs somewhere else. Bros will be bros, right?

Grizz kept his promise to Luke and made his way into the school building on Friday. It was probably a bit pointless just showing up on the last day of the week but if he skipped any more days then the school would probably have to notify his parents, not that they cared. But if his dad was in a bad enough mood and wanted to take his anger out on someone then that would have been the green light he needed to go after Grizz. So, Grizz forged a note and signed it on behalf of his parents saying he was sick. It was pretty fucking stupid that at eighteen he still needed his parent’s permission to stay home.

 

Grizz felt a little better about going to school than he did on Monday. Monday was a nightmare. Friday, he had a little bit of hope, and while nothing was okay in the Sam department, at least everything was okay with his friends. He had been a little concerned about things being weird with Clark, but that morning Grizz woke up to a string of memes Clark sent to him, so he figured they were cool.

 

Grizz headed into school by himself. A few people watched him as he did, and he was sure the rumors about him and Gwen hadn’t been completely squashed, but Grizz didn’t care what any of them thought. He especially didn’t care what they thought as Gwen came barreling towards him with her arms wide open.

 

“Grizzard!” Gwen shouted the nickname he specifically told her _not_ to use. She leapt as she got to him and Grizz caught her in his arms. He stumbled back a little but managed not to fall over.

 

“You’re causing a scene,” Grizz told her.

 

“Oh Grizz, my secret love!” Gwen spoke dramatically and way too loudly for Grizz’s liking, “please let’s go fuck in secret behind Clark’s back!”

 

Grizz snorted in laughter as he set her down on her feet. Gwen giggled and looked around, her eyes narrowing on the people watching.

 

“What the hell are you looking at, Lexie? Keep it moving!” she demanded, and Lexie, with wide eyes, scampered off. Gwen could be a bit intimidating when she wanted to be.

 

“You need to tone it down,” Grizz told her.

 

“Nope, I’m just happy you’re back. God, I missed you. Everyone sucks,” she stamped her foot on the ground in a mini tantrum.

 

“Sorry to abandon you,” Grizz apologized.

 

“Eh, I can handle myself. How are you, anyway? You had me scared for a while,” she said as she linked her arm with Grizz’s and lead them down the hall.

 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I just needed a timeout,” Grizz told her.

 

“Fair enough. Are you okay?” she asked, the playful gleam in her eyes gone.

 

“Yeah.” It was half a lie.

 

“Good, and by the way how awesome is it that Clark finally believes you’re a flamin’ homo,” she whispered the last part, “so we can finally be friends out in the open. Wow, is this what it feels like to be closeted?”

 

“Sure,” Grizz chuckled. Grizz wasn’t going to mention to her that she only had half the story, that Clark kissed him, or might be into guys. It wasn’t Gwen’s right to know. It was Clark’s choice to tell her.

 

“Oh, and you know what I realized?” Gwen pouted.

 

“What?”

 

“Our Yale trip is kind of screwed now,” she said.

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I’m sorry,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s not your fault. And hey, you can still come with, you know,” she offered.

 

“And be a third wheel? I don’t know about that,” Grizz contemplated it for a moment and that seemed more depressing than anything else. 

 

“Come on Grizz, you don’t really want me to go meet this guy by myself, do you?” she asked, batting her eyelashes in a way that probably worked on all the guys, but not Grizz.

 

“I don’t. But maybe you can ask one of the others to go with you, or Erica?” Grizz suggested.

 

“I want you. What are the chances of you and a certain someone reconciling before the trip?” she asked.

 

“Probably slim to none,” Grizz mumbled.

 

“Well, all the more reason for you to come with. I’m sure there are plenty single hotties just waiting for you to use them as a rebound,” she said with a sly grin that Grizz couldn’t help but smile back at before shaking his head.

 

“I don’t want anyone else,” Grizz said truthfully.

 

Gwen’s smile disappeared, “have you tried talking to him lately?”

 

Grizz shook his head, “No. Don’t know what to say.”

 

“I tried talking to him,” she confessed.

 

“What? What’d you say?” Grizz asked quickly. He was so desperate for any kind of look into Sam’s mind that he’d take anything.

 

“I just asked him what the fuck he was thinking,” Gwen said.

 

“And?”

 

“And he told me to go away. It was kind of rude actually,” she frowned, and that was odd of Sam. He was usually an angel.

 

“I’ll try and talk to him at lunch, because honestly, part of me still doesn’t believe he’d break up with me because of college, like…I don’t know, I could be wrong but I thought we were more than that,” Grizz said.

 

“Now might be your time to find out,” Gwen said and nodded up the hall. Grizz had been so focused on his conversation with Gwen that he didn’t even realize Becca and Sam were walking in the opposite direction, coming towards them.

 

“Right…Right,” Grizz tried to snap out of his stupor, “I can do this. Just, go up and say ‘hey’, right?”

 

 “You got this,” Gwen encouraged.

 

Grizz nodded. It was just a ‘hello’. He could handle that. Obviously, there was a lot more he wanted to say to Sam. He wanted to get on his hands and knees and beg for some kind of explanation that actually made sense. Hell, he’d settle for Sam just admitting that he never liked Grizz in the way Grizz loved Sam. He just needed to know.

 

Grizz went up to the two of them, even though his mind was screaming to run away, because even though he wanted answers, he was afraid of them. Sam and Becca both noticed him at the same time, faltering in their steps.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said and waved in greeting. Sam looked at him for maybe two seconds at most, before dropping his gaze and walking around him. Becca followed suit, and Grizz was left there, his heart aching. That was a fail if Grizz had ever seen one. Sighing, he turned to Gwen who walked up to him with her brows furrowed in confusion.

 

“He hates me,” Grizz said.

 

“He doesn’t hate you. Why would he hate you?” Gwen asked.

 

“I don’t know. He was the one that broke up with me. I just…well…” Grizz stopped to think for a second, “I mean, in the library the other day he was being all nice and I sort of told him he wasn’t allowed…and that we couldn’t be friends.”

 

That earned him a whack up the side of the head, courtesy of Gwen. Grizz hissed and immediately rubbed the spot she hit. People _really_ needed to stop fucking hitting him.

 

“Ow, what the fuck?” Grizz snapped at her.

 

“You’re an idiot. Text him and apologize, dumbass,” she commanded. And God, she was so bossy.

 

“You’re really mean, you know,” Grizz muttered.

 

“You love me,” Gwen said sweetly before kissing him on the cheek and disappearing down the hallway.

 

\---

 

Grizz sat in his last class before lunch. He was thinking about Sam. Well, he thought of Sam all the time really, but he was trying to think of what he could say to get him to talk to him. He just didn’t want to believe it was really over. He wanted to understand, and if he really broke up with Grizz because of college, well, that didn’t make a lot of sense to Grizz because they talked about it already and it was all fine.

 

Grizz didn’t want to be pushy. He didn’t want to be how Clark was after Gwen broke up with him, constantly stalking her and not taking no for an answer. He didn’t want to pressure Sam. He just wanted one more conversation, and if Sam told him that it was over and he didn’t like him anymore, then fine. Grizz would be really cut up about it, but he would have to move on.

 

Grizz looked down at his phone under his desk as he typed out a message.

 

 **Can you meet me in room E-12 at lunch? Please? I really just want to talk and then I’ll leave you alone if you want me to.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz stared at the message until a minute later the ‘read’ receipt popped up. And he waited another few minutes in the hope that Sam would send a reply, but he didn’t get anything back. Still, when the bell rang Grizz headed upstairs to the top floor and went inside the familiar classroom. He dropped his bag on the ground by a desk and sat on top of it.

 

And Grizz waited. And waited. And Sam didn’t come. Sam didn’t reply either to tell him he wasn’t coming. Half way through lunch Grizz came to the conclusion that Sam was not going to show up. With a heavy heart, he picked up his bag, slung it over his shoulder and left the classroom.

 

Grizz headed downstairs to the cafeteria, and sure enough, Sam was there, in his usual spot, next to Becca. Grizz felt like absolute shit. Was he not even worth a conversation? Grizz was starting to get paranoid, paranoid that he fell too fast for Sam and had built up some magical relationship in his head that was much more than it actually was. To Sam, he could’ve meant nothing.

 

“Grizzy!” Jason called out, and Grizz realized he had just been standing there at the entrance, unmoving. He looked up and his feet started moving before his brain caught up. He went over and sat next to Clark, shoving his bag under the table. He had food in it, but he wasn’t hungry.

 

“Hey, where’ve you been?” Gwen asked.

 

“Nowhere interesting,” Grizz’s dull voice spoke. It made Luke shoot him a questioning glance, and Grizz just shook his head and focused on the table instead.

 

“It’s good to have everyone back together again, isn’t it?” Helena asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz spoke.

 

“Hope you two got over whatever it was you were fighting about,” Helena said, her eyes shifting between Grizz and Clark. Grizz turned to Clark, the two boys exchanging glances. Grizz prayed it wouldn’t be weird between them and when Clark gave a little smile, he exhaled in relief.

 

“Yeah, we did,” Clark said.

 

“Aww how sweet,” Jason teased and tossed a couple fries at the two of them.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Clark snapped at him, only jokingly though. Grizz wondered if Clark had told anyone else what had happened between them. Clark was closest with Jason, but Jason wasn’t looking at the two of them any differently, so Grizz figured he most likely didn’t know.

 

Grizz forgot about the conversation and soon his attention was back on Sam as he watched him longingly. He was just signing with Becca and Grizz wished he was good enough to follow what they were saying to each other. Grizz couldn’t take this anymore. And it was Friday, so if Sam didn’t talk to him then, then Grizz would have to go an entire weekend feeling like he was in limbo. It was time for one last attempt.

 

“I’ll be back,” Grizz said to his friends before getting up. He made a beeline straight over to Sam and Becca’s table. He got there and sat across from them.  The two glanced up.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said with a wave.

 

Sam looked down at the table.

 

“I…Sam…” Grizz spoke and waved his hands again, trying to get his attention, but Sam wouldn’t look at him, and if Sam wouldn’t look at him then Grizz couldn’t communicate with him.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to do. He looked to Becca for help, but she wasn’t giving him any. He tried to get Sam’s attention again, to just have him _look_ at him at least, but instead, Sam got up and left. He just left. Grizz was a little shocked, and hurt. He turned to Becca who merely shrugged, standing up too.

 

“It’s your own fault,” she said, and before Grizz could ask what the fuck _that_ meant, she was gone too. And what the fuck did that mean? It was Grizz’s fault? Because he told Sam he didn’t want to be his friend? Grizz ran his hands over his face as he tried to contain his frustration. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be at school anymore.

 

Grizz got up and headed back over to his friends. Each one was looking at him in curiosity, except for Jason who was shoving fries into his face. Grizz picked up his bag from under the table and hoisted it on his shoulder.

 

“I’ll catch you guys later. I’ve got study to do,” Grizz lied.

 

“Wait, what? You just got here,” Clark said.

 

“Yeah, I forgot something. I’ve missed a lot of school,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you okay?” Helena asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll see you all later,” Grizz said, and not wanting to get questioned anymore, he turned and left.

 

Grizz stalked down the hallway as fast as he could, just desperate to get out of there because he had some pretty serious plans involving wrapping himself up like a burrito and not moving from his bed. Fuck, he thought he would be better. He thought that he’d be able to get over Sam, even if he didn’t want to. He didn’t think he’d be so pathetic, and yet, there he was, bailing on life because a boy didn’t like him.

 

“Hey, wait up!” Luke called out, and Grizz was busted, because he had bypassed the staircase that led to the library and was almost at the building’s entrance.

 

“Where are you going?” Luke caught up to him. Grizz stopped, turning to his friend.

 

“I just can’t concentrate today. I’m going home,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened?” Luke asked.

 

“Nothing. I just don’t want to be here,” Grizz argued, and he went to leave again, but Luke stood in front of him, blocking his way.

 

“What happened?” he asked again.

 

Grizz huffed and shook his head, “I don’t know, okay? He hates me. He won’t even fucking look at me. I’m just…I’m going. I’ll text you later.”

 

Grizz wasn’t going to wait around for Luke to interrogate him anymore. He pushed past and went through the double doors, heading to his car.

 

\---

 

On Saturday night Grizz found himself alone in his room, sitting on his bed, doing homework. It was late and Grizz couldn’t sleep, so homework was the next best option. It was a wanted distraction from all the thoughts that had been running through his head non-stop since the previous day’s encounter with Sam.

 

Grizz went back and forth with his emotions. He would get upset, then he would tell himself that he shouldn’t be crying over some guy and he was stronger than that, then he would realize he actually was _not_ stronger than that and get upset all over again, before deciding that he was going to get over it and move on. Then he’d just cry. And then he’d crack open a text book. Grizz was a disaster and it had only been one week since the break-up.

 

Grizz was working on a particularly hard math problem when his phone started vibrating on the bed next to him, which was odd because it was one in the morning and his friends always texted, not call. Grizz picked his phone up and saw Becca’s name flashing on the screen. Frowning, he pressed the answer button and held the phone to his ear.

 

“Becca?” Grizz answered, and all Grizz could hear was music. Wherever she was, it was loud.

 

“Grizz! Grizz!?” he barely heard Becca on the other end.

 

“Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?” Grizz asked, and then she started speaking but it was so loud in the background that Grizz only got bits and pieces.

 

“I need…up…nightclub…Sam is…and a guy…I can’t…don’t…please…”

 

And Grizz was at a loss. She was at a nightclub with Sam and sounded distressed. That was all Grizz got, and his anxiety peaked because he had a feeling something was wrong.

 

“I barely heard any of that. What’d you say?” Grizz asked.

 

“Fuck,” was the last thing Grizz heard before the line went dead.

 

“Shit.” Grizz tried to call Becca back but she declined it straight away. A moment later he got a text.

 

 **I said I need you to come pick us up. We’re at a nightclub and Sam is really drunk and this guy is like stalking us. I can’t drive I think someone spiked my drink. I don’t know wtf to do. Please Grizz.** – Becca.

 

And Grizz was already putting his shoes on after reading the beginning of the text.

 

 **Text me the address.** Grizz texted back, then he was out the front door, making sure he had his fake ID in his wallet.

 

It turned out, Becca and Sam were in the city, and Grizz was more than worried. What the fuck were they doing at some night club in the city? Why was Sam drunk? How drunk was he? Who was this guy stalking them? Was Becca okay? What did they put in her drink? With every second that Grizz drove, he got more and more anxious to just hurry up and get there, to the point where he was speeding, but he didn’t care.

 

When Grizz got to the club he tried to act normal and not like a teenager trying to sneak his way into a club. He showed his fake ID to a bouncer and they barely even glanced at it before stepping aside and letting him in. Grizz actually really liked night clubs. There was a reason himself, Clark, Jason and Luke all got fake IDs last year. Grizz had actually been to this particular club too. But he wasn’t there for fun. He was there to find Sam.

 

Bass-filled music and flashing lights filled Grizz’s senses as he wandered around the first floor of the club. There were people everywhere. It was absolutely packed, even for a Saturday night. He couldn’t see Sam or Becca anywhere. He took out his phone.

 

 **I’m here. Where are you?** – Grizz.

 

 **Near DJ on 1st floor.** – Becca.

 

 **Stay there.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz scanned the area and saw in the back corner of the room, on a higher level than the ground floor was a DJ. Grizz pushed past the mass of sweaty bodies grinding against each other until he made it to the DJ and miraculously find the short girl amongst the people there.

 

“Are you okay?” Grizz asked when he got to her.

 

Becca nodded, “yeah, but I can’t find Sam!”

 

“What the fuck do you mean you can’t find him!?” Grizz shouted. This was a fucking disaster.

 

Becca went to speak again before stopping. Instead, she took Grizz’s hand and dragged him away from the music. She pushed a door open along the wall and pulled him through to a narrow corridor that led to the bathrooms.

 

“What’s going on, Becca?” Grizz asked as she turned to him.

 

“Sam really wanted to come out to dance and drink, and I was like fine, whatever. I think he just needed to let off some steam, and like, I wasn’t drinking. I was gonna watch him. I just had a soda but then I got all dizzy,” she explained.

 

“You think someone slipped you something?” Grizz asked, and he had the strong desire to find whoever it was and make him pay.

 

“Maybe. I came to the bathrooms and made myself throw up and I feel a little better, but I came out and now I can’t find Sam. There’s so many people and this place is huge,” she said with panic etched all over her face, and Grizz was trying really hard not to panic too, but with Sam’s whereabout unknown, he was finding it hard to control himself.

 

“How drunk is he?” Grizz asked.

 

“It’s…pretty bad. He just wouldn’t stop. And there was this guy that kept buying him drink after drink and I told Sam to stop but he said he as too busy having a good time,” Becca rolled her eyes.

 

“Fuck. Alright, how many levels is this place?” Grizz asked.

 

“Three.”

 

“I’ll start from the top. You start down here,” Grizz said in determination.

 

“Okay. I’m so sorry Grizz. I should’ve been watching him,” Becca said.

 

“Not your fault. Keep your phone on you. Don’t go anywhere by yourself and if you start feeling dizzy again text me where you are,” Grizz said and he waited for her to nod before he left her there.

 

Grizz eyes darted around every area he passed on the lookout for Sam. He climbed up the stairs two at a time until he got to the third floor. It was all just one giant dance floor and nothing else. Hundreds of bodies squished together and Grizz thought it might just be impossible to find Sam amongst them all.

 

He searched every inch of that room, getting more and more frustrated by the second as drunk people fell into him, and it was frustrating because _Sam_ was one of those people, and why the hell would he decide to go out and get drunk? It wasn’t like Grizz could judge. He remembered how wasted he got at Luke’s party that one time just because he was upset. He just hoped Sam wasn’t that far off the deep end.

 

Grizz had been searching the top floor for far too long. So many people were moving non-stop and if only they could all just stand still long enough for Grizz to get through them all. He gave up, deciding to check the second floor instead. He headed down, thankful that the second floor was quieter. There was still a dance floor with a lot of people on it, but there were a lot of booths and couches surrounding the area filled with people sitting, talking, and making out. That last thought had Grizz sick to his stomach.

 

And then Grizz saw him, on the middle of the dance floor, and yeah, Grizz definitely felt sick, because behind Sam, with his hands around Sam’s waist dancing with him, was a guy, no, actually, it was a fully-grown man, probably as old as their parents. The man was swaying Sam around like a damn rag doll.

 

Grizz marched over to them and Sam was so out of it that he didn’t even notice Grizz was there until Grizz took his forearm and tried pulling him away from the man. Sam’s gaze focused in on Grizz but he just looked confused.

 

“Sam, come on,” Grizz tugged on his arm, but the guy that had his perverted hands on Sam pulled him closer.

 

“Hey, get your own, kid,” the man said. Grizz narrowed his eyes at the lanky man, with his graying hair, porn star moustache and greasy skin. Grizz wanted to vomit. He hated the man and he didn’t even know him.

 

“Dude, you’re like a fossil and he’s barely eighteen,” Grizz said, and the man refused to let go of Sam.

 

“That’s what I call legal, now scamper off,” the man said.

 

Grizz shook his head and looked back to Sam, pleading with him silently. Sam pushed himself free from the stranger’s grip and stumbled towards Grizz.

 

‘What are you doing here?’ Sam signed as he poked Grizz hard in the chest.

 

“Becca called. I’m taking you home,” Grizz wasn’t taking no for an answer. Sam squinted at Grizz, and Grizz wasn’t even really sure if Sam could read his lips in that moment. Grizz was five seconds away from hauling Sam over his shoulder and making him leave.

 

“Fuck off, Grizz,” Sam spat, and then he turned, taking the man with him as they both went over to one of the booths.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz muttered to himself. What the hell had gotten into Sam? This wasn’t him. And trying to hook up with some old man? That _definitely_ wasn’t him.

 

Grizz watched as Sam and the guy sat close together, Sam giggling about whatever the man said even though Grizz saw that Sam wasn’t even reading his lips. The man placed his hand on Sam’s thigh, and nope. Grizz wasn’t having any of that. Grizz marched over to them bent down, catching Sam’s gaze. The boy swayed from side to side, but thankfully, he looked to Grizz’s lips.

 

“Get up. You’re coming home,” Grizz said.

 

“Uhm, no, I’m havin’ fun with…Mark,” Sam said. Mark? Seriously?

 

“Please, Sam,” Grizz said and started signing too, “you don’t want to do this.”

 

“One, you’re fuckin’ shit at signing,” Sam slurred, “two, you can kiss another guy so why can’t I?”

 

That caught Grizz off guard. He was so shocked at the statement that it took him a few seconds to realize that Sam knew about what happened between himself and Clark, and it dawned on him that Sam was the one in the locker rooms that day. That was why Sam hadn’t been talking to him.

 

“I can explain that,” Grizz said.

 

“Listen, pal,” the man, Mark, stood up and towered over Grizz, but Grizz wasn’t in the least bit threatened by him. “How about you mind your own business. Clearly your friend here wants a fucking man and not a boy.”

 

“He’s not some toy for you to play with,” Grizz said, and he was so done with the creep. He just wanted Sam. He turned back to the boy who was staring up at them.

 

“Please, Sam,” Grizz said and held his hand out to the boy, silently pleading for him to take it and come home with him.

 

Sam’s head turned back and forth between Grizz and Mark, like he was watching a tennis match. And fuck, he looked so drunk. His eyes were drooping. He couldn’t sit up straight. Grizz looked down at him, knowing that his own eyes were filled with desperation. He just needed Sam to come home. He needed Sam to be safe. He needed Sam to _not_ to hook up with some random fucking man.

 

“Please,” Grizz begged, his hand still out, waiting for Sam to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to just leave it there!!


	31. One Last Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30 recap: Sam wasn't letting Grizz talk to him and we later found out it was because he was the one who saw him and Clark kissing and Sam is #Mad. Grizz got a phone call late at night from Becca because she was at a club with a drunk Sam and needed Grizz to pick them up. When Grizz turned up he found Sam with an older sleazy guy and Grizz begged Sam to take his hand and come home with him. WHAT WILL SAM DO????
> 
> ALSO, I wrote another Sam's POV chapter which you can find in my works. It's basically Sam's POV of chapter 28, so read that if you wish!!!

Grizz felt as though the world had stopped as he stared into Sam’s blue eyes, hoping his ex-boyfriend would put whatever differences they had aside and just trust him, just this once. Nothing else mattered. Not the music. Not Mark. Nothing, except Grizz holding his hand out for Sam.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Sam reached out and took Grizz’s hand. The soft skin and slender fingers were so familiar against Grizz’s. The boy sighed in relief as Sam tried his best to stand up, and Grizz had to help him the rest of the way. Sam fell into Grizz’s side, and all Grizz could do was wrap his arm around his waist, holding him close.

 

“Waste of my fucking time!” Mark shouted, but his anger didn’t matter to Grizz, because Sam was stumbling along beside him, away from the man that didn’t even deserve a second glance from either of them.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam spoke.

 

Grizz didn’t answer, mostly because Sam wasn’t looking at him. He held Sam up with one arm, and with his free hand he texted Becca.

 

 **I got Sam. Meet outside.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz led Sam away from the people, the music, the alcohol, everything. He took him outside into the cool air where it was quiet and barely anyone was around. Grizz headed towards his car, just wanting to get the drunken eighteen-year-old away from the security that was out the front. Grizz didn’t even know that Sam had a fake ID.

 

“Okay, there you go,” Grizz said as he half unwrapped his arm from around Sam. He tried to get Sam to lean against the building, but Sam had other ideas. He wrapped both of his arms around Grizz’s neck and giggled like a damn pre-teen school girl as he pressed his body against Grizz’s.

 

“You’re so hot,” Sam told him.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said, but he wasn’t indulging in the compliment or the way Sam touched him. He took both of the other boy’s wrists and tried to get him to let go, but Sam was persistent, even when drunk. _Especially_ when drunk.

 

“I miss you,” Sam hummed as he fought his way back to holding onto Grizz. Grizz had been defeated with those three little words, because he missed Sam too, like a lot, and hearing Sam say it was everything that Grizz wanted.

 

Sam leant forward and before Grizz could stop him, his lips were on his neck. The taller boy’s eyes fluttered shut as he held his breath. _Step away, Grizz. Step the fuck away._ Grizz fought with the little voice in his head because it felt so good to have Sam in his arms again being affectionate. He didn’t want to push him away.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, “I don’t want to break up.”

 

And the words should have made Grizz ecstatic. If only Sam wasn’t drunk. The state Sam was in made none of it real, and Grizz had to step away. He pried Sam off of him and gently pressed him to the wall for support before stepping back. He held his arm out, signaling for Sam to stay put.

 

“We can talk about that when you’re sober,” Grizz said.

 

Sam stared at Grizz, his eyes in thin squint before he shook his head, “I dunno what you just said.” Grizz couldn’t help but give a little smile, because Sam was so fucking cute, as always.

 

“Oh thank God!” Becca’s voice came from Grizz’s left, “is he okay?”

 

“He’s fine. Just wasted,” Grizz said when she got to them.

 

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, Grizz. I shouldn’t have brought him out when I knew he was upset,” Becca said.

 

“It’s done now and everything’s fine. Let’s just get back to my car,” Grizz said as he stepped forward and caught Sam who was about to fall over. Sam giggled and wrapped his arms around Grizz’s neck once more, hanging off him like a monkey.

 

Grizz kept a hold of Sam who was becoming heavier by the second as he gave up on walking by himself. The three of them got to the car without an incident and Grizz managed to get Sam in the back seat by himself. He made sure the seat belt was buckled in securely around Sam. The boy just kept staring at him with an amused look.

 

“Tell me if you start feeling sick, okay?” Grizz said.

 

“Yessir,” Sam saluted him.

 

Grizz just gave a quick smile and shut the door. He opened the driver’s door, getting in as Becca took the passenger seat. Grizz could sigh a breath of relief now that he had the two of them in the safety of his car. He started it up, locked all the doors in case Sam decided he wanted to open his, and headed off down the street.

 

“You feeling okay?” Grizz asked Becca.

 

“Yeah. I’m such a fucking idiot. I didn’t even put my drink down but I wasn’t paying that close attention to it,” she said.

 

“You can’t blame yourself. When we come back for your car we should ask if they have cameras. We might be able to see who did it,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe, except nothing bad happened so it’s not like I can charge for anything. Plus I’m seventeen. I shouldn’t have been there in the first place,” she said.

 

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have,” Grizz agreed a little bitterly. Tonight could have gone a lot worse than it had.

 

“Uh, excuse me, judgy. But you got in with a fake ID too, right? You can’t tell me you’ve never used it to get into a club before,” Becca said. She had him there.

 

Grizz went quiet as he drove. He glanced up at the rear-view mirror, checking on Sam. He sat there with his head lulled against the cold window as he looked out at the city lights. Grizz chewed on his bottom lip nervously. As if it weren’t bad enough that Sam broke up with him because of college, but now there was this whole other Clark obstacle. Grizz really fucked up and he knew it.

 

“Do you know about Clark?” Grizz asked Becca, because he needed answers, but he didn’t want to outright say exactly what happened just in case she didn’t know.

 

“That Sam saw you two kissing like five minutes after you broke up? Yeah,” she said, and it was her turn to judge.

 

“It wasn’t like that. I mean it was, but…it wasn’t. It’s complicated,” Grizz said.

 

“He’s really hurt, Grizz.”

 

“He broke up with me, in case you’re forgetting? He can’t care that much who I’m kissing if he was willing to break up with me because of fucking college,” Grizz snapped.

 

“You have no idea how much he cares for you,” she said.

 

“Then tell me, Becca. Please tell me because nothing makes sense,” Grizz was desperate. He was on the verge of tears again and he was so sick and tired of being so emotional.

 

“Seriously,” Grizz went on when Becca didn’t say anything, “am I missing something?”

 

“You have to talk to Sam,” he said.

 

“You saw what happened at lunch yesterday. He wouldn’t even look at me,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“He’s scared.”

 

“Of?”

 

“Talk to him, not me. It’s not my place to say anything,” Becca said.

 

Grizz was beyond annoyed, so he didn’t talk to her for the rest of the way home. He was so sick and tired of never getting a complete answer about this. Grizz was completely silent for the entire drive. He didn’t even say anything when Sam leaned forward and started playing with his hair from the back seat. He kind of liked the contact, actually.

 

Grizz pulled up out the front of Becca’s house and killed the engine. He pried Sam’s fingers from his hair and got out of the car, opening Sam’s door. Sam already had his seatbelt off and promptly tumbled out of the car and into Grizz’s waiting arms.

 

“So strong,” Sam mumbled.

 

Grizz ignored the compliment and helped Sam get back on two feet steadily. Sam looked at him, his eyes no longer holding any amusement. Grizz just stared back, and fuck, he was sad. Just so sad that he wasn’t Sam’s boyfriend anymore, and that he couldn’t stay the night holding him, or even just give him a goodnight kiss. It was killing Grizz.

 

“Can I…hug?” Sam asked like a child.

 

Grizz knew it was a bad idea, but a hug never hurt anyone right? So, he nodded, but he didn’t make a move. Sam stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Grizz’s neck, burying his face in it too. Grizz sighed deeply as he wrapped his arms around Sam’s back. He closed his eyes, taking in every little bit of Sam; his touch, his smell, how he breathed. Fuck, Grizz missed him more than he missed anyone in his entire life.

 

Grizz really didn’t want to let go. He relished in the feeling of Sam holding him, and Grizz really needed the hug. All the hugs from Luke, Clark and Gwen didn’t even compare to it. Grizz felt safe. He felt loved, which was the craziest thing ever because Sam didn’t love him, but it was nice to pretend.

 

“Grizz?” Becca spoke.

 

Right. Becca was there, and he had been holding Sam for far too long. Grizz gently let go of the boy but stayed closed just in case he still couldn’t walk properly. Grizz, Becca and Sam all quietly snuck into Becca’s house as to not wake her parents. They successfully headed down the hall to Becca’s room. She switched on the light while Grizz led Sam over to Becca’s bed. The boy easily flopped down onto it.

 

“There, safe and sound,” Grizz whispered.

 

“Thank you,” Becca said, patting Grizz’s shoulder.

 

Grizz sat on the side of the bed next to Sam who was looking pretty out of it by that point, like he was just about ready to fall asleep.

 

“How are you feeling?” Grizz asked him while signing, even though he was apparently shit at it, but Sam probably needed all the communication help he could get being that drunk.

 

“Sleepy,” Sam yawned.

 

“Get some rest. I’ll see you…whenever,” Grizz said and he stood up, but Sam was quick to hold his hand.

 

“Is it cause he’s hotter than me?” Sam asked.

 

“What?”

 

“Clark.”

 

“Oh…no,” Grizz shook his head.

 

“Then why?” Sam pouted and if it wasn’t so sad, Grizz would have found it cute.

 

“It’s complicated,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay…can you stay?” Sam asked, his grip tightening around Grizz’s hand. Grizz glanced over at Becca who shook her head, obviously holding that same sentiments as Grizz. Staying was tempting, but a bad idea.

 

“Becca’s gonna look after you, alright?” Grizz said.

 

“I don’t want Becca,” Sam said like a child throwing a tantrum.

 

“Rude,” Becca said.

 

Grizz just laughed as he carefully pulled his hand from Sam’s grip. Sam’s arm went limp, falling to the mattress. Grizz stepped back and he just couldn’t look at Sam anymore, because he kept touching him and saying all these things that only confused Grizz more and more. He turned to Becca.

 

“I’ll come by later and we’ll go get your car, okay?” Grizz said to her.

 

“Are you sure? I can get my parents. Like, they’d kill me though,” Becca said.

 

“It’s cool. I’ll text you,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay, thanks so much for your help, Grizz. Don’t know what I would have done without you,” she said.

 

“Anytime. Make sure he gets plenty of water,” Grizz said as he nodded to Sam who, after a quick glance, Grizz noticed was on the verge of sleep already. 

 

“I will,” Becca said.

 

Grizz nodded in thanks, and without another look at Sam, he left Becca’s house and went home.

 

\---

 

On Monday afternoon Grizz walked around, watering the plants as part of his duty of environmental committee. Ms. Chan had taken notice of Grizz’s lack of attendance lately and cornered him earlier that day. She didn’t say he _had_ to go, but it was strongly recommended, and when Grizz noticed Sam and Kelly heading in the direction of the courtyard after the final bell rang, Grizz decided that he would go too.

 

It wasn’t exactly working out well for Grizz. When he went up to Sam and said ‘hey’, Sam merely gave a nod before walking away. Grizz didn’t know what to think. Yes, Sam had been drunk when he flirted with Grizz and told him he didn’t want to break up, but Grizz hoped there was some truth there. He hoped, in the very least, that Sam would talk to him. And Grizz had been trying all damn day to no avail.

 

Grizz looked over at Sam and Kelly who were picking up trash that had been thrown out windows. Grizz couldn’t stand it, having Sam right _there_ , but not really there.

 

“Mr. Visser?” Ms. Chan interrupted his thoughts, “I think you’re drowning that plant.”

 

“Oh right, sorry. Uh, I need the bathroom,” Grizz said.

 

“Make it quick,” Ms. Chan nodded.

 

Grizz turned the nozzle on the hose, stopping the water and dropped it on the ground. He headed back towards the building. He caught Sam’s gaze for a split second but the boy turned away. Grizz was just _sad._ Really, really sad. He didn’t know what else he could do and he knew he was at the point where someone could accurately label him as pathetic. In fact, he might just get that tattooed across his forehead. 

 

Grizz didn’t have any intention of going back to environmental committee. Instead, he picked up his things from his locker and headed out of the school to his car. He didn’t even care that he would probably get a detention from Ms. Chan tomorrow for bailing.

 

One last attempt. That was all, and then Grizz would leave Sam alone for good. Maybe one day Sam would come to him instead, but Grizz would be kicking himself if he didn’t at least _try_ to figure Sam out and, if he was lucky, get him back. It was just so frustrating because Grizz had so much on his mind, and so much he needed to say, but Sam barely let him get out a ‘hello’ before he was turning the other way.

 

Most of all, Grizz needed to explain the Clark situation. If Grizz had walked in on Sam kissing someone else two days after they had broken up, even if Grizz was the one doing the breaking up, then it would have shattered Grizz. Grizz couldn’t even handle Sam drunkenly dancing with someone. So, one last attempt to lay it all out there. Grizz took out his phone and started typing away.

 

 **Hi Sam. Please don’t delete this message before reading it all. I know I can be really extra and I’m starting to think desperate and possessive (which I’ll work on), but there’s so much going on in my head and it’s killing me that we haven’t talked properly. I don’t know why you broke up with me.** **I’m still not sure what exactly I did or if it’s really the college stuff, or maybe you’re just not into me how I’m into you. but the cold shoulder thing is killing me. I know you’re upset now about Clark but I’d like to explain to you what happened because I don’t know what I’ll do if you keep hating me. If you don’t like me anymore like that then fine.** **It fucking hurts and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it but I’ll try and accept it and move on. The thing is, I can’t accept what I don’t understand, and I don’t understand what went wrong. I just want to talk to you, Sam. Please**. **One conversation is all I ask. Usual place. Usual time. I’ll be waiting.** – Grizz.

 

There. If Sam didn’t want to talk to him after than then Grizz would have to stop. He’d have to accept it and move on, as much as he didn’t want to. He would have to respect Sam’s wishes, even if he didn’t understand them.

 

Grizz had fifteen minutes until environmental committee was over, and the wait was so nerve-wracking. He sat there in the driver’s seat, his knee bouncing up and down impatiently. He checked the time over and over again, and the second it hit four o’clock, he stared at the large double doors of the school building.

 

Anxiety was starting to be a hindrance to Grizz and he wondered if he should see a doctor for some medication because he could barely breathe as he waited. And then, there Sam was, leaving the building by himself, Kelly not in sight. Grizz sat up straight in his car, willing Sam to come over to him, because if he didn’t, then that was it. It really was over and Grizz would have to accept that.

 

“Come on,” Grizz whispered to himself.

 

He watched as Sam headed across the car park, and he thought he was going to walk right by his car, but instead, he stopped, and Grizz could see him from the rear-view mirror. A moment later he disappeared from the back of the car, only to make his way to the passenger side. Grizz let out a deep breath. Thank fucking God.

 

‘Thank you,’ Grizz signed, even though since Sam’s comment the other night, he was less than confident about how he was signing. He couldn’t possible fuck up ‘thank you’ though, right?

 

Sam just nodded and looked out the window. Grizz swallowed hard, trying to push his nerves down. He started up the car and then they were off. It was so familiar, like any other afternoon with the two of them making trips down to the river. There was no ease though. There was no fun.

 

Sam didn’t protest as Grizz drove them out of town, probably knowing exactly where he wanted to go. Grizz had no idea how this conversation would go. He was just happy that Sam agreed to talk to him. That had to be something, right? That had to be a step in the right direction, unless, of course, Sam was only there to get Grizz off his back. Grizz tried not to think about that. He was going to fight for this relationship because he truly believed it was something special that could not be let go so easily.

 

Grizz turned onto the familiar dirt road and drove along. He glanced at Sam who hadn’t even properly looked at him yet. He was still staring out the window. Grizz turned back to the road and drove up to their usual spot by the river. He turned the key in the ignition and the two were plunged into silence.

 

Sam opened his door first. He got out of the car and Grizz followed suit. It was a nice day, warm but not too warm, barely a cloud in the sky. And it would have been perfect for a picnic or to just laze around staring up at the sky. That was what they usually would have done, but not that day. Sam sat against the hood of the car, his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. He stared at the gravel beneath his shoes.

 

Grizz stood in front of him and waited patiently for the boy to be ready to talk. Eventually he looked up, his deep blue eyes staring into Grizz’s soul. Alright, Grizz was being dramatic again.

 

“Thanks for coming,” Grizz said. Sam merely nodded, so Grizz went on, “can we talk? Like _really_ talk? Like…do I even have a chance here?”

 

At first, Sam didn’t reply. He stared at Grizz with a blank expression, until that expression faltered as he gave in. His eyes softened and he nodded. Grizz inhaled and exhaled deeply, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. He had so many conversation points, but he came up with the one he had been wondering the most.

 

“Why did you break up with me? Honestly?” Grizz asked. 

 

“I told you already. College,” Sam said simply, but Grizz couldn’t accept that.

 

“But we talked about it. We figured it out. It’s just long distance for a little while,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah…and then I thought about it and decided it won’t work,” he said, and Grizz knew Sam. He knew him enough to know when he wasn’t being entirely truthful.

 

“What makes you think it won’t work long distance? Because I’d wait for you if you decided to go do college in fucking Australia,” Grizz argued.

 

“Two days without me and you kissed another guy,” Sam said, eyes narrowing.

 

“We were broken up.”

 

“Like that makes it any better?” Sam sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair. Grizz knew that technically he didn’t do anything wrong, but he could also see it from Sam’s point of view, so he met him half way.

 

“Okay, yeah, I did kiss him and I wish I didn’t. I was hurt and he kissed me. It just happened,” Grizz said.

 

“You going to go kiss a guy every time we have a fight?” Sam asked.

 

“This isn’t a fight, Sam. We broke up. You broke up with me. You don’t want me anymore,” Grizz said, and couldn’t Sam see how much that was hurting him?

 

“Yes, I do,” Sam countered.

 

“Then why did you break up with me?” Grizz asked again.

 

Sam didn’t answer. Grizz was just so damn _tired_ because it had been eating at him all week wondering where things went wrong. He dug so deep into his own personality, listing every little thing wrong with himself just trying to figure out why he wasn’t good enough, and Sam was giving him nothing to help. Didn’t Sam care? Wasn’t Grizz worth it?

 

“You know…I know it’s not a competition. But I always knew I liked you more. I was into you first and I fell for you hard and fast and that’s on me, but…I thought…I hoped you’d get there one day. That you’d love me too. I…” Grizz’s voice was shaking. He didn’t want to break down in front of Sam, especially when Sam didn’t seem to care at all. That just made Grizz feel so much more pathetic.

 

Grizz shook his head and walked away from the boy he loved but couldn’t have. He went over to the river and sat on the grassy area before it. It was an awful feeling, loving someone that didn’t love you back, and Grizz was uncertain if Sam even _liked_ him at that point. Stupid. That was what Grizz thought he was. Completely stupid. An utter idiot. Desperate and pathetic. And he was fucking _crying_. Fuck, it wasn’t meant to go this way. He was meant to get answers from Sam and sort everything out.

 

Grizz kept his head down as Sam came over because he didn’t want to lose any more dignity. Sam knelt down on the grass in front of him, and Grizz still didn’t look up. He wiped at his cheeks and eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie and kept his hands there, willing himself to just _stop_. He hated crying in front of people and that seemed to be the only thing Grizz did lately.

 

“You were right. It was Campbell,” Sam spoke.

 

“What?” Grizz’s neck snapped up so quickly he thought he might have pulled a muscle. Did Grizz hear that right? Campbell?

 

“The reason I broke up with you,” Sam said.

 

“Wait, what?” Grizz’s mind was finding it hard to catch up.

 

Sam paused and Grizz could see the distress etched all over his face. He was doubting himself and Grizz was on the brink of begging Sam to go on, because finally, things were making sense.

 

“He threatened me, he threatened you. He told me to break up with you,” Sam said, and Grizz fucking knew it. He just knew it.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he said you’re getting in his way and he wants you out of his life which means out of mine,” Sam said.

 

“Fuck…oh my God…” Grizz could’ve laughed, honestly. In fact, he did, because it was all so _Campbell_.

 

“What’s so funny?” Sam asked.

 

“He did it to me too. He told me to break your heart or he’d out me,” Grizz told him.

 

“What? When?” Sam asked.

 

“Weeks ago.”

 

“But, you didn’t…” Sam trailed off, his baby blue eyes showing so much confusion as he tried to puzzle it all together.

 

“I couldn’t hurt you,” Grizz said.

 

Sam’s gaze fell from Grizz’s. Grizz didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but there was this part of him that was hurt because of what Sam did, no matter what his motives were. And Grizz sat there trying to push that hurt aside, to tell himself it wasn’t Sam’s fault. But God did it still hurt. More than anything he was pissed at Campbell. He was just pissed at the entire situation.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, “he told me not to tell you the truth. I’m so scared he’s gonna hurt you.”

 

“Hey,” Grizz shuffled forward and took Sam’s hand, the boy looking up at him again, “he’s not gonna hurt me. He’s not. He’s all talk. I didn’t break up with you and he didn’t out me. He’s so full of shit.”

 

 “You don’t know him how I do,” Sam argued.

 

“You can’t let him win. He’s already hurting the both of us by making you do this,” Grizz said. Why couldn’t he see that? Campbell was not worth the pain.

 

“What if he does something worse?” Sam asked.

 

“Look, this is about the Elle stuff, right? I can talk to Campbell. I can make peace with him or something…just please don’t let him keep us apart,” Grizz begged.

 

“I wasn’t going to,” Sam said.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I got scared and broke up with you…but seeing your face…how upset you were. And I was upset too. It killed me doing that to you. But I wasn’t going to leave you like that,” Sam said.

 

“What, you were going to tell me the truth?” Grizz asked.

 

“I was going to tell Campbell to go fuck himself. I was going to say sorry and try to get back together with you and tell you everything. That was on the Monday, and then…I saw you and Clark and…” Sam trailed off, shaking his head at the memory, and Grizz wanted to punch himself in the face, because he could have been back with Sam back then if it weren’t for his own idiocy in kissing Clark.

 

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Grizz said, and the cliché tasted bitter as it rolled off his tongue.

 

“So, you didn’t kiss him? It was your long lost twin?” Sam asked. He had him there.

 

“Okay…I kissed him. But that was it. Nothing else has happened,” Grizz said.

 

“Since when did Clark even like guys? Or you?” Sam asked, and Grizz could feel his confusion, because he was the same way.

 

“Very recently. He's been really confused and we were arguing, and then he finally believed I’m gay and he just kissed me out of nowhere. I think he’s just trying to figure himself out and he, like, latched onto me,” Grizz tried his best to explain it.

 

“You looked like you were pretty into it,” Sam mumbled.

 

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but…I was in a really low place, Sam. Like, really low. Nothing felt okay and it could have been anyone and I would’ve kissed them back. And I regretted it straight after. Trust me, I wish I didn’t do it,” Grizz said. He honestly felt like he cheated on Sam.

 

“So, you don’t have feelings for Clark?” he asked.

 

“No. God no. I spoke to him a few days later. He’s just bi-curious and the idiot thought he liked me,” Grizz said.

 

“He doesn’t?”

 

“I don’t think so. Not really. It doesn’t matter because I shut it down because the only guy I can see myself with is you. I told him that too,” Grizz said.

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip as he made himself more comfortable on the ground in front of Grizz. He crossed his legs, his knees touching Grizz’s and their fingers still interlocked. Both of them stayed quiet. This was all such a mess, but Grizz couldn’t help but be relieved that Sam didn’t actually want to break up with him.

 

The Campbell situation was a mess, and he didn’t understand how one guy could harbor so much hatred in his heart. Grizz wanted to break his face, but he would settle for a conversation that he was definitely going to try and have with him. They needed to get past their feud. Grizz would never stop looking out for Elle, but maybe if Campbell was under the impression that Grizz didn’t care about Elle, then Campbell would leave himself and Sam alone.

 

“So, what now?” Sam asked.

 

“Do you want to be with me, Sam?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded without a moment’s hesitation, “yeah, do you want to be with me?”

 

Duh. Of course he did. The thing was, he was just still so hurt. He understood now why Sam did it, but breaking up destroyed Grizz. He was so in love with Sam, and if there was any doubt in Sam’s mind about them, about his feelings, or if Sam wasn’t as serious as Grizz was, then Grizz couldn’t go through another break up later down the track. He couldn’t handle it.

 

“I know I can be a bit much. I’m too much. But I love you. I really do, and if you don’t love me back right now then that’s fine. I get it. But…I have to know if we’re on the right track,” Grizz said. His heart was in his throat. He was terrified of the answer.

 

“I’m scared,” Sam told him.

 

“Of?”

 

“You leaving me when you go to college. Of you getting bored of your high school boyfriend,” Sam said.

 

“I could never be bored of you, Sam. I told you I want to do long distance with you. I’d wait years,” Grizz said. He had to believe him. If only Sam could dissect Grizz’s heart and see just how much of it belonged to Sam.

 

Sam gave him a little smile, “that’s romantic.”

 

“I try,” Grizz chuckled.

 

“So…can we be boyfriends again?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz hesitated before sighing, “I just need a ‘maybe’, from you. I can’t do this if you can’t see yourself loving me one day.”

 

Sam took Grizz’s other hand, lacing their fingers together, both hands intertwined with the others. Grizz held his breath, waiting for the answer. He just had to know they were on the right track.

 

“I already do,” Sam finally said.

 

Grizz’s heart stopped.

 

“Really?” Grizz asked, a wide smile forming on his face.

 

“Really, Grizz. I love you,” Sam said.

 

Grizz couldn’t believe it. He was hoping for Sam to tell him he could love Grizz one day, but he never expected Sam to say that he already did.

 

“Are you sure?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Sam giggled.

 

“Like, positive?” Grizz asked again.

 

“Oh my God, shut up,” Sam said before leaning over and catching Grizz’s lips with his.

 

Grizz’s heart exploded with a million fluttering butterflies, because Sam was kissing him and he honestly thought he’d never get that again. Finally, Grizz felt as though he could relax for the first time since Sam broke up with him. Sam’s lips were so soft and cold, they were always so cold but it was how Grizz remembered them, and Grizz was there to warm them right up.

 

He tugged at Sam’s hands, pulling the boy in closer. Sam did exactly as Grizz wanted and climbed onto Grizz’s lap, sitting sideways. He wrapped his arms around Grizz’s neck, and Grizz’s went around Sam’s torso, and it was just _right_. It was so right.

 

“I missed you,” Sam whispered against Grizz’s lips. Grizz nodded in a whole-hearted agreement, because fuck he missed Sam too. He pressed his lips to Sam’s again, just needing to because he wanted it all to be real. He was afraid he was dreaming.

 

Sam pulled out of the kiss, but not away from Grizz. He unwrapped his arms but stayed close, his head lulled onto the space between Grizz’s shoulder and neck. Grizz was so fucking content with this. He was so happy to have Sam back in his arms.

 

Call it a speed bump, call it anything you wanted, what happened was to be pushed right behind them because it didn’t matter anymore. Sam loved Grizz. Grizz loved Sam, and that was all that mattered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


	32. Truce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 31 recap: Sam chose to leave the club with Grizz even though he was super drunk and mad at Grizz for kissing Clark, but that didn't stop him from trying to be all over Grizz. The next day after school Sam finally agreed to actually talk to Grizz. GRIZZ. AND. SAM. GOT. BACK. TOGETHER. Let us all REJOICE. They had a nice long chat where Grizz assured Sam there's nothing going on between himself and Clark, and Sam finally told Grizz the truth about Campbell's threat AND THEN Sam told Grizz he LOVES him. Wow.

Grizz knew better than to think everything would be rainbows and puppy dogs. He was cautious at the very least. Every time he let himself get carried away with being happy, something happened, whether it be Campbell, Clark or his parents, something always happened, and that was why after getting back together with Sam, Grizz didn’t let his heart soar to its usual heights. He kept himself in check.

 

Seeing Sam in the halls before class, Grizz’s first inkling was to run up to him, scoop him up in his arms and kiss the life out of him. Other than the fact that would mean coming out to everyone then and there, Grizz didn’t want to be his usual over the top self. He didn’t want to come on too strong because even though he and Sam worked things out, Grizz had spent the past two weeks ripping apart his own personality and he discovered a lot of faults of his own, including his tendency to be a bit intense, and he wanted to try and reign that in. So, Grizz settled for simply heading up to Sam and Becca and leaning against the lockers.

 

“Morning,” Grizz spoke. Sam saw him first. His smile filled Grizz’s heart with a warmth that he tried to douse out a little. Becca turned and smiled up at him too, and that was a bit of a relief because breaking up with Sam was also kind of like breaking up with Becca.

 

“Good morning. How are you?” Sam asked.

 

“Good, you?” Grizz asked.

 

“Good,” Sam said, his smile still there, and Grizz couldn’t help but smile back that time.

 

“I’m so happy you two sorted things out,” Becca said as she signed to Sam as well.

 

“Me too,” Grizz said at the same time Sam said “same.”

 

The two boys kept looking at each other. Grizz was so thankful things had worked out. He was so thankful of Sam’s smile, the way Sam looked at him, even just Sam speaking to him. Grizz chewed the inside of his cheek, willing himself to not get too carried away in the deep blue of Sam’s eyes.

 

“I need to go to the bathroom before class, but I’ll see you around,” Becca said.

 

Only, neither boy paid much attention to her. They didn’t even glance at her as she walked off and left them alone, or as alone as they could be in a hallway filled with students rushing past to their lockers.

 

“Hi,” Sam said once Grizz didn’t speak.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Did you sleep well?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, best sleep in a while,” Grizz replied honestly. He was out like a light the second he got home from the river. He and Sam stayed there for hours barely talking, barely doing anything really. For a long while Sam just sat in Grizz’s lap as the two of them watched the water running down stream, and then it got dark and they went home. Other than a few texts, the two of them hadn’t had a whole lot of communication since they got back together.

 

“Me too,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shifted on his feet. He didn’t know what else to say in that moment, or do for that matter since they were in the middle of the hallway. In fact, Grizz felt a little awkward talking to Sam. That was to be expected, right?

 

“Uhm…do you want to meet up at lunch? Usual classroom?” Grizz asked.

 

“Sure,” Sam nodded.

 

Grizz was just about to tell Sam he was going to head off to class when a burly arm swung its way across Grizz’s shoulder’s. The culprit pulled Grizz in close and Grizz didn’t even have to look at him to know it was Clark. It was probably a little strange how Grizz could distinguish Clark, Luke and Jason from each other just by their hugs.

 

“Grizzy, dude, you gotta see what Jason’s done to Principal Harris’ office door. Come on, before they wash it off,” Clark’s voice was filled with excitement, but Grizz wasn’t paying too much attention to him, because he was busy focusing on the way Sam’s eyes darted back and forth between the two.

 

“Uh, take a picture for me?” Grizz said in a desperate attempt for Clark to leave.

 

“What? No, bro, come on it’s fucking hilarious,” Clark said as he tugged on Grizz’s wrist.

 

“Clark,” Grizz said firmly. He looked up at Clark, glancing at Sam. It took a moment for Clark to realize who he was talking to.

 

“Oh, hey Sam,” Clark nodded in greeting.

 

“Hi. I gotta go to class,” Sam said.

 

“Sam-,” Grizz started.

 

“It’s cool,” Sam waved him off before turning and walking down the hall, but not without one last look between the two. Grizz could tell Sam was annoyed. He wasn’t sure if it was jealousy or if he was still just hurt. Grizz knew Sam wasn’t happy seeing Clark at all. At that moment, neither was Grizz.

 

Grizz groaned and hit the back of his head on the closest locker. Fuck.

 

“Dude, what’s up with him? Or is he just death staring everyone for fun?” Clark asked. Grizz had been so caught up in getting back together with Sam that he had completely forgotten to tell Clark what Sam had seen. 

 

 “He’s the one who saw us,” Grizz sighed.

 

“What?”

 

“Remember, when we heard the door close in the locker rooms? It was Sam. Apparently he came looking for me and…” Grizz shrugged. That little tidbit he got out of Sam yesterday too, that apparently he was searching for Grizz and went to the library first before the locker rooms. It was all a massive case of wrong place, wrong time.

 

“Shit. Oh fuck, is he like…super pissed? Because I’m, like, over that bro. Over you anyway. I don’t wanna be the reason you don’t get back together,” Clark said.

 

“We are back together. And he is kind of pissed,” Grizz said honestly.

 

Clark’s brows furrowed in concentration before his features lit up. He slapped a hand on Grizz’s shoulder in a show of support.

 

“Let me talk to him. I’ll smooth it all out,” Clark said confidently.

 

“Do _not_ talk to him,” Grizz ordered.

 

“I’m gonna talk to him.”

 

“Clark, no.”

 

“Clark, yes. Now come look at Principal Harris’ door,” and with that, Clark flung his arm around Grizz’s shoulder once more and tore him away from the lockers, leading him down the hall.

 

\----

 

Grizz sat on the teacher’s desk in room E-12, waiting for Sam to join him. The last time he was in that room waiting for Sam, he never showed, and it reminded Grizz of how lucky he was for everything to be going back to normal, even if things were just a little awkward. At least they were better than before. Grizz’s phone vibrated in his pocket, so he took it out and checked the message.

 

 **Gonna be late. Clark asked me to talk???** – Sam.

 

“Oh fuck,” Grizz whispered to himself. He specifically told Clark not to do that. After they checked out the impressive artwork of a massive penis that Jason had painted on Principal Harris’ door, Grizz reiterated to Clark how much he did not want him to talk to Sam, how Grizz wanted to talk to Sam first to try and smooth over the whole Clark situation again. Apparently that idiot had other idea.

 

 **FUCKER I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO HIM!!!** – Grizz texted to Clark.

 

 **Where are you? –** Grizz sent to Sam.

 

 **He’s taking me to the football field. Should I be worried? He wouldn’t hurt me would he?** – Sam.

 

 **No!! God no. he’s harmless.** – Grizz.

 

 **He fucked up your face.** – Sam.

 

 **Don’t worry I’m coming.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz was already out of the classroom and speed-walking down the halls, ignoring the questioning looks he got from people as he accidentally knocked into them. He had no idea what Clark was planning on saying to Sam. Clark didn’t really have a way with words, nor did he have a lot of perception skills.

 

Grizz jogged out onto the football field and did a 360, scanning the entire area before his eyes landed on Sam and Clark who were sitting side by side on the bleachers. Grizz marched over to the two of them. Clark was showing Sam something on his phone.

 

“Hey!” Grizz called out. Clark looked up first, and upon noticing Clark’s change of focus, Sam looked up too. Grizz headed up the stairs and made his way over to where they were, kneeling on the row one below them.

 

“Clark, what do you think you’re doing?” Grizz asked calmly, managing a small smile because he didn’t want to be _that_ boyfriend, right? The kind of boyfriend that wouldn’t let his boyfriend talk to his friends, because Grizz actually did want Sam to get along with his friends, but Clark was a bit of a different story. Clark was a wildcard.

 

“Calm down, Grizz. We’re just having a chat,” Clark said.

 

“Clark’s just telling me how he’s not in love with you,” Sam said before plastering an innocent smile on his face, and Grizz could see in Sam’s eyes how amused he was. Well, at least he wasn’t mad.

 

“That’s…great…Clark, are you done?” Grizz asked, his eyes narrowing in a glare because he was actually pretty pissed that Clark didn’t listen to him in the first place.

 

“Almost, just wanna show Sam this guy,” Clark said as he leant over to Sam with his phone again.

   
“He downloaded Grindr,” Sam answered Grizz’s unasked question.

 

“Wow, okay…” Grizz was a bit surprised. He didn’t realize Clark was moving so fast or if he really had the intention to hook up with a guy. Grizz was just glad it wasn’t him that Clark wanted to hook up with anymore.

 

“I’m not actually gonna go meet any of them, but like I’ve gotten four dick picks already,” Clark said proudly.

 

“Uh huh, and how many have you sent?” Grizz asked.

 

“Like a dozen. Give or take,” Clark shrugged casually.

 

“Eww.”

 

“That’s homophobic, Grizz,” Clark said.

 

“Oh, so you _are_ gay now?” Grizz asked, knowing the question would get a little rise out of Clark. It did. Clark took his phone from Sam and shoved it in his pocket.

 

“What? No. No, no. I’m just…looking. It’s like a joke, you know?” Clark said.

 

“Sounds pretty gay to me,” Grizz said.

 

“You know what, I gotta go,” Clark said as he stood.

 

“I bet you do,” Grizz snapped back.

 

“I bet I do,” Clark mocked Grizz’s voice, and then he made his way down the steps, grumbling to himself.

 

“That was mean,” Sam said once Clark was gone.

 

“I know,” Grizz said with a groan as he climbed up to Sam’s level and sat on the bench, facing Sam. “I’m sorry about him.”

 

“It’s okay. I’m actually glad he talked to me,” Sam told him.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I realized there’s no way someone like you can be into someone like him,” Sam said.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Don’t get me wrong, Clark’s great but…he’s Clark,” Sam said, and Grizz knew exactly what Sam meant. Clark was hot, sure, but on a deeper level, Grizz needed more. A lot more. And Sam understood that.

 

“So, you’re not upset about it anymore?” Grizz asked. Sam paused as he gnawed on his bottom lip and for a split second Grizz got a little bit distracted at that before bringing his attention back to Sam’s eyes.

 

“No,” Sam finally said.

 

“Good,” Grizz sighed in relief, “that’s good. I’m happy.”

 

“Me too,” Sam smiled, and it was nice to agree on that, but it seemed just a little too polite, not that there was anything wrong with being polite to each other, but the two hadn’t quite loosened up with each other. They both hurt each other, unintentionally, sure, but it happened, and they both forgave each other for it to, and knew the logical reasoning behind everything, but it was still a little hard to break the ice. Grizz wanted to just grab Sam and kiss him, but he didn’t. He was almost scared. So, he opted for a change of topic.

 

“Uhm, speaking of talking things out…I’m going to try and talk to Campbell,” Grizz said.

 

“Grizz…” Sam didn’t like that idea at all, and Grizz didn’t blame him, but it was something he had to do because he didn’t want Sam living in fear because of him.

 

“It’ll be fine,” Grizz assured him.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to even tell you about him being the reason we broke up,” Sam said.

 

“I won’t tell him you told me. I’ll just say I figured it out on my own,” Grizz said.

 

“Can’t we just pretend we’re not in a relationship? He never has to find out,” Sam pleaded. 

 

“I’m so tired of all the sneaking around. I want to tell my friends eventually. I want…I want to not sit this far away from you, not even able to hold your hand, because we’re scared someone will see,” Grizz said.

 

“I want that too.”

 

“So, let me talk to Campbell. Let me try and make peace,” Grizz said, and he wouldn’t do it without Sam’s permission, so he really needed the greenlight here.

 

Sam sighed with a roll of his eyes, “okay, fine. If that’s what you want, then okay.”

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said at the exact moment the bell rang, “that’s the bell. Come on.”

 

Sam nodded as the two of them got up and headed across the field and back into the main school building. The two walked side by side, no one taking much notice of them at all.

 

“When are you gonna talk to him?” Sam asked, looking up at Grizz.

 

“Maybe tomorrow at lunch,” Grizz said.

 

“I don’t like this. Like, you can do it, but I don’t like it,” Sam said.

 

“He doesn’t scare me. He’s just some dumb teenager who is all talk. If talking to him won’t work, then we’ll try it your way,” Grizz offered, and Sam nodded.

 

“Okay, text me later?” Sam asked.

 

“Always.”

 

The two parted ways, Sam veering off down one corridor as Grizz went down the opposite towards his class. He wasn’t even by himself for ten seconds before Gwen jumped onto his back, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, and he was glad she barely weighed a thing otherwise she would have choked him.

 

“You two are the cutest,” she said with a squeal right in Grizz’s ear. Grizz detached Gwen from around him and turned to her.

 

“Relax. We were just walking together,” Grizz said.

 

“Yes, and it was cute. Have you brought up Yale with him again?” she asked.

 

“No…not yet…we just got back together. I don’t know about going away so soon,” Grizz said.

 

“Come on, Grizz. Please, please, please?” she pleaded, clasping her hands together and he was sure she would have got on her hands and knees to physically beg him, but they were walking, so she couldn’t.

 

“I don’t know…things are still a little weird,” Grizz said.

 

“Which is why you need to get away from everything, like a mini vacation. No drama, just us,” she said, and well, when she put it that way it did seem really nice. No parents. No Clark. No Campbell. Just Sam.

 

“I’ll ask him if he’s still up for it,” Grizz said.

 

“Ah thank you! I’m so excited!” she squealed again, and wow, Grizz didn’t think a sound could be that high pitched. She hugged him once more before pecking his cheek and running off down the hallway, leaving Grizz in peace.

 

\---

 

The next day Grizz planned on making good on his promise to talk to Campbell, well it was a promise he made to himself considering no one else actually wanted him to do it. He hadn’t even spoken to his friends about what Campbell had done. He told Luke he was back together with Sam, but failed to tell him the entire story. Probably because his friends seemed to have a bit of a pack mentality that if one person messes with one of them then they would, as a group, go after that person, and Grizz had to be smart about Campbell, because Campbell was smart himself, and maybe even dangerous.

 

Grizz masked his nerves with the pure hatred he felt towards Campbell. That was the only way he was going to get the confidence to walk over to his table and confront him. Grizz kept his attention solely focused on Campbell, ignoring the others around the table, ignoring Elle especially, because if this was going to work then Campbell had to believe Grizz didn’t care about Elle anymore.

 

“Hey Grizz, what’s up?” Harry was the one that greeted Grizz first. Harry and Grizz had always gotten along on a superficial level. Harry liked Grizz, Grizz thought. Grizz never had a problem with Harry up until he found out he had been messing with Sam alongside Campbell.

 

“Hey,” Grizz nodded to him quickly before looking back at Campbell, “I need to talk to you.”

 

“Me?” Campbell asked, his smirk clear on his face, “well, whatever for?”

 

“I’ll tell you when you come with me,” Grizz said.

 

Campbell stared at Grizz, and Grizz could see the wheels turning in the other boy’s head as he contemplated what his next move would be. Campbell waited almost a second too long before he stood up.

 

“Anything for you, Grizz,” Campbell said.

 

Campbell’s friends could probably feel the tension between them. They would be dumb not to. They had seen their fight at Luke’s house that one time. They had probably heard about the almost fight with Grizz, Clark, Jason and Luke in the school halls not too long ago. It wasn’t a secret to anyone that Grizz and Campbell did not get along.

 

Grizz didn’t want to speak anymore in front of Campbell’s friends, so he turned and left the cafeteria, with Campbell hot on his trail. The two boys walked, almost side by side, down the hallway to the stairs.

 

“Where are we going, Grizz?” Campbell asked impatiently.

 

“Somewhere we can talk privately,” Grizz said.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re trying to hook up with me, because if you wanna then my girlfriend can’t find out,” Campbell teased. Grizz didn’t comment on it. He just led Campbell up the stairs to the top floor and headed into the spare classroom. His and Sam’s classroom. He didn’t want to taint the sacred place Sam had first agreed to be Grizz’s boyfriend, but it was the first place Grizz thought of to take Campbell to be alone.

 

“Well, here we are. You, me, alone in a room. Should I start undoing my belt or do you wanna do it?” Campbell asked. Grizz ignored that comment too.

 

“I want to talk about Sam and I,” Grizz got to the point.

 

“Oh Jesus, I already told you I had nothing to do with your pathetic little break up,” Campbell snapped.

 

“I don’t believe that,” Grizz countered.

 

“What did that little shit tell you?” Campbell asked, his eyes dark with fury.

 

“Nothing. He won’t tell me anything, but I know when he’s lying. And I know you pulled this shit on me so I’m putting two and two together,” Grizz said, desperately hoping Campbell would accept that.

 

“I told you last time, he broke up with you because he’s not interested. Who would be? You’re clearly obsessive as hell,” he said, and that struck a chord with Grizz because he was probably right. Grizz probably was a bit obsessive. He didn’t let the comment get to him too much.

 

“Listen…Campbell…I’m not here to start a fight with you,” Grizz said, trying to get rid of any bit of malice in his voice and actually sound nice. It was a painful thing to even attempt.

 

“Then why are we here?” Campbell asked.

 

“Because I want to call a truce,” Grizz said.

 

“A truce? Seriously?”

 

“Yeah, because me and Sam want to be together and it’ll be better for everyone if we got along,” Grizz said, not that he wanted to get along with Campbell, but if pretending to be his friend was something he had to do to be with Sam, then he would.

 

“I feel like that ship has set sail,” Campbell said.

 

“Why? Because I over-reacted over Elle?” And it was a lie, but it intrigued Campbell. Grizz could see the interest all over his face.

 

“So, you want a truce…” Campbell said thoughtfully.

 

“Yeah. I want to be with Sam without any trouble, and you want to be with Elle without any trouble, so…let’s just agree to stay out of each other’s way,” Grizz said.

 

Grizz held his breath. There were so many ways this could go. Campbell could see right through him. He could see that it was a complete lie, that there was no way Grizz was going to stop looking out for Elle. Even worse, Campbell could catch on that Sam really did tell him the truth and then Sam would be fucked. Grizz was still convinced that Campbell was all talk and wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt either of them.

 

Campbell took a step towards Grizz, and then another. Grizz stood his ground, not willing to show Campbell he held any sort of fear towards him, and also to show he was ready for friendship, no matter how fake it could be. Grizz was proud of himself for holding back a flinch when Campbell extended his hand, offering a shake.

 

“Truce it is,” Campbell said.

 

Grizz nodded and took Campbell’s hand, shaking it, “truce.”

 

“And Grizz…if I ever see you so much as even talking to Elle, the deal’s off,” Campbell said, the threat clear in his eyes.

 

“Fine,” Grizz agreed as he let go of Campbell’s hand. Campbell’s smirk stayed firmly on his face as he tilted his head to the side in contemplation, but Campbell didn’t look anywhere near as adorable as when Sam did it.

 

“It was an absolute pleasure doing business with you, Grizz. I’ll see you around,” Campbell said.

 

Grizz didn’t say a thing as Campbell backed away and turned, leaving the room and Grizz. Once he was gone, Grizz let out a deep breath, because thank God that worked. Now all Grizz had to do was work on making sure he didn’t do anything to piss Campbell off again.

 

\---

 

After school that day Grizz found himself in the parking lot of Izzy’s with Sam. They were going to go get some food, but Grizz knew Sam was eager to talk to him, considering the dozen texts Sam sent him during the last few classes of the day asking how his talk with Campbell went. All Grizz replied with was saying it was all fine and that he’d talk to Sam after school, so there they were, after school.

 

“Okay, spill. How did it go with Campbell?” Sam asked the second Grizz killed the engine.

 

“Better than I thought it would,” Grizz said.

 

“What did he say? What did you say? What happened?” Sam asked in a panic.

 

“Okay, chill. I promise everything is fine. We called a truce. I told him I’d stay out of his way if he stays out of ours,” Grizz said.

 

“Stay out of his way?”

 

“I basically said I’d leave the whole Elle situation alone,” Grizz said.

 

“That doesn’t sound like you,” Sam countered.

 

“Because it was bullshit. We’ll still be here for Elle if she ever wants help,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, “okay. Do you think he knows I told you the truth?”

 

“No. I told him you didn’t. Trust me, babe, it’s sorted,” Grizz assured him.

 

“Did you just call me babe?” Sam asked with a grin.

 

“What? No. Maybe?” Grizz said, thinking back, because he didn’t realize he did.

 

“Hm.”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, you’re just cute, _babe_ ,” Sam teased.

 

“I actually hate you,” Grizz said.

 

“Hate is a strong word,” Sam said.

 

“I dislike you,” Grizz said.

 

“I dislike you too,” Sam said, but his smile didn’t disappear.

 

Grizz reached over and took Sam’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. Sam glanced down before holding Grizz’s hand tighter and looking back up at him.

 

“Are you okay now?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam thought about it for a moment before nodding, “do you think things will finally be okay now?”

 

“Yeah, I do,” Grizz nodded back, “no one and nothing is gonna fuck this up.”

 

“Did you mean what you said about yesterday about coming out to your friends?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah. I’m tired of sneaking around and always being so scared. As long as my dad doesn’t find out… and how could he? He doesn’t talk to anyone from school,” Grizz said.

 

“When are you gonna do it?” Sam asked.

 

“Not sure,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay.”

 

The two fell into a silence and Grizz watched Sam intently, wishing he knew what his boyfriend was thinking in that moment. Sam was looking out the window, and Grizz waited patiently until he looked back, because Grizz had something he needed to ask that had been a niggling thought in the back of his mind for the past two days.

 

“Are we okay?” Grizz asked when Sam looked at him.

 

“What do you mean?” Sam asked back.

 

“I mean…like we’re together and it’s great. That’s what I want. But…do you think things are awkward?” Grizz asked.

 

“Maybe a little?” Sam agreed, and Grizz’s stomach dropped because he was hoping Sam would tell him that no, it wasn’t awkward, and it was just Grizz’s anxiety playing up.

 

“I don’t want us to lose, like…I don’t know. Things were fun and hot and…” Grizz trailed off, not really knowing how to explain it, but knowing he probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense to Sam.

 

“Are we still going on the Yale trip?” Sam asked, and right, Grizz was supposed to ask Sam that.

 

“If you want to,” Grizz said.

 

“Do you want to?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun to get away,” Grizz said.

 

“So, we’ll go then. We’re gonna have fun. I promise. I love you and it’s just a little weird now because of what happened but we’ll be fine, right?” Sam asked, and Grizz nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Yeah, of course we will be. And we can hang out all week next week before the trip because no school,” Grizz said, and that was a pretty damn good bonus of Spring Break. However, Sam’s face fell, prompting Grizz to sign ‘what’s wrong?’

 

“Uh…I kind of made plans,” Sam said.

 

“You did? You told me you didn’t have plans,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, and then…we broke up, and I didn’t want to spend Spring Break with Campbell around the house so I told my grandparents I’d go visit them,” Sam explained, his eyes filled with an apology that wasn’t needed.

 

“Oh, that’s okay. I mean, I’ll miss you, bit it’s fine. Uh, will you definitely be back by next weekend?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’ll make sure off it. I’m excited,” Sam said, and again, the conversation seemed all too polite, too robotic, but it was a start.

 

They would be fine. Grizz was sure of it in that moment. Only, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was off. It was like Grizz and Sam couldn’t maneuver back into being boyfriends. They didn’t kiss for the rest of the night. In fact, they hadn’t kissed all day, or the day before. Grizz was almost scared to do it, wanting Sam to make the first move like normal, and Sam? Well, he had no idea what was going through Sam’s head. He never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love everyone that is reading this.


	33. Yale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 32 recap: Grizz and Sam are together but everything is a little too polite and awkward. Sam had his doubts about Clark but Clark talked to Sam and Sam realized Grizz and Clark weren't a match so he's okay with what happened. Grizz confronted Campbell and they formed a truce based on Grizz staying away from Elle and out of Campbell's business. Grizz was lying but Campbell doesn't have to know that.

Grizz, Sam and Gwen had been on the road for an hour of their two hour trip to Yale. The windows were rolled all the way down because the van Gwen’s brother had leant them was one that was from, what Grizz felt, the 1800s, and didn’t have air conditioning. It wasn’t that much of a bother though because it wasn’t like it was Summer yet.

 

The three of them sat side by side with Sam in the middle, because the front was a three-seater. They had the music turned up loud, with Sam in charge of the playlist which resulted in the most bass-y music Grizz had ever heard before. Sam seemed to be enjoying it though so that was all that mattered. Grizz got a bit of a kick out of watching Sam signing along to the lyrics to all his favorite songs and he tried to follow along with Sam, his boyfriend teaching him all that he could until Gwen got annoyed with them playing the same song over and over again and went along to the next one.

 

It was fun though, and that was what Grizz needed. The only thing was, it felt to Grizz like he was hanging out with two of his friends. That wasn’t a major issue, because he should have been friends with his boyfriend, right? But since they had gotten back together it was almost like they were _just friends_. It was like they couldn’t push past that again and Grizz had convinced himself Sam was holding off with him because of the Clark kiss; that Sam was still mad at him or was going to change his mind about their relationship at any second.

 

Grizz couldn’t even bring anything up because it wasn’t like Sam had done anything wrong. It’s just that Sam wouldn’t kiss him. Well, not properly kiss him at least. And he couldn’t even remember the last time Sam looked at him with actual desire, which was something Sam did a lot before the break up. There were no more make out sessions. No more dirty texts. No more sneaking into the back seat of Grizz’s car. Sam always made Grizz feel wanted before, and now Grizz wasn’t too sure if he did want him like that, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He knew things would be awkward at first, but Grizz didn’t know when, or if, they’d get back to being an actual couple.

 

Grizz deflated a little as he reminded himself of how Sam greeted him with a kiss on the cheek when he and Gwen picked him up that morning. He was trying to not let it bother him, trying to be patient, but he was scared. He was scared Sam was losing interest or that things just weren’t going to be how they were before.

 

It didn’t really help the situation that Sam hadn’t been around all week. He had been at his grandparents, a few hours away, and the two texted constantly, sure, and maybe flirted just a tiny bit, but there was still a level of civility between the two that felt off. Grizz felt as though he was watching every little thing he said as though he might just say something stupid and fuck everything up again, even though Grizz knew in the back of his mind he didn’t actually do anything wrong and it was all Campbell.

 

Grizz spent the week hanging out with Luke, Jason, Clark, Helena and Gwen, doing nothing but hanging out by Luke’s pool and going to the mall or movies. Some days Grizz just locked himself in his room with a good book and ignored the rest of the world, except Sam’s texts, of course. Grizz spent a lot of his time counting down the days until the Yale trip.

 

“Can we stop? I need the bathroom,” Sam’s voice broke Grizz out of his stupor. The other boy looked from Gwen, to Grizz, back to Gwen again who had charge of the vehicle.

 

“I asked you if you went before we left and you said you did!” Gwen complained.

 

“I lied. Please Gwen,” Sam begged with a pout.

 

Gwen sighed, shaking her head at the boy in disapproval, “fine, I need snacks anyway.”

 

“Thank you,” Sam grinned.

 

“Don’t thank me. It’s your funeral if you’re gonna use a gas station bathroom,” she said as she indicated off the highway and took the exit for the upcoming gas station.

 

Sam turned to Grizz with a frown, “if I die will you sing at my funeral?”

 

“I can’t sing,” Grizz laughed.

 

“In my head you can,” Sam spoke as he tapped his forehead. God Sam was so fucking cute, and Grizz wanted to just kiss him but found himself holding back instead.

 

“I could probably try and rap,” Grizz offered.

 

Sam shook his head, “rap’s too fast. The ghost version of me wouldn’t be able to read your lips.”

 

“So, I’ll sign it,” Grizz said before adding, “oh but wait, according to a certain drunken someone, I’m shit at signing.”

 

Sam shrunk into his seat with guilt written all over his face, “I find it cute, really. Endearing even.”

 

“You’re just gonna need to give me more lessons,” Grizz suggested.

 

Sam shook his head once more, “it’s fine, I can read your lips.”

 

“I like signing to you though,” Grizz whined.

 

“But you’re so terrible at it,” Sam teased with a cheeky grin.

 

“Which is why I need lessons,” Grizz countered.

 

Sam huffed, “I’m so bad at teaching.”

 

“No, you aren’t, you’re perfect,” Grizz murmured.

 

Sam’s cheeks went a little red as he rolled his eyes and kept them off Grizz, cutting off their conversation.

 

“Jesus Christ, just fuck already,” Gwen blurted out and Grizz was so glad Sam wasn’t looking at her in that moment, because if he had been then Grizz might just have to kill her.

 

“How ‘bout you focus on your driving,” Grizz snapped at her.

 

“I asked you to drive and you said no!” Gwen argued with him.

 

Grizz laughed as he told her, “you said the other day that you drove this thing around all the time and could handle it. Something about female empowerment and not letting men drive?”

 

“Yeah and then I got in the damn thing again after over a year and the fucking stick doesn’t move as easy as it used to and you have muscles, Grizz,” Gwen ranted.

 

“I wish Becca was here,” Sam interjected. Grizz looked to him with raised eyebrows before Sam went on, “so she can sign whatever the hell you two are saying. You speak fast when you’re arguing.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Gwen and Grizz said at the same time, but Sam was only looking at Grizz.

 

Sam just smiled at Grizz, “it’s okay. I just can’t keep up.”

 

“I’m sorry, really,” Grizz said, maybe a little too seriously.

 

And that was the thing. Grizz felt, in a way, that he was walking on egg shells, like anything he said or did could give Sam an excuse to break up with him again, and Grizz knew it was Campbell’s fault for the break up, but it wasn’t Campbell’s fault that Grizz kissed another guy and Sam saw it and could have still been mad about it, even if Sam told Grizz he wasn’t mad anymore.

 

“It’s okay, Grizz,” Sam assured him, giving him a funny look. Grizz plastered on a smile, knowing full well Gwen was also giving him the same sort of look.

 

Gwen pulled into one of the free parking spaces of the gas station and Grizz relaxed a little once he didn’t have both sets of eyes scrutinizing him. The three of them got out and headed inside, with Sam going off to the attendant to ask for the bathroom, and Grizz and Gwen heading to one of the aisles to look for whatever food Gwen wanted.

 

“You two are very cute today,” Gwen cooed.

 

“Are we?” Grizz murmured as he tried to focus all of his attention on the candy bar in front of him instead.

 

“You don’t think so?” Gwen asked. Grizz shrugged, prompting Gwen’s next question, “is there something going on?”

 

Grizz glanced around. The place was empty except for the employee at the register. Sam was nowhere in sight. Grizz’s gaze fell upon the impatient Gwen, and Grizz figured that maybe an outsider’s perspective was what he needed because he wasn’t sure if his anxiety was making him look too much into things, or if he actually had a legitimate reason to be worried.

 

“I don’t really know if me and Sam are okay,” Grizz spoke in a low voice so the employee wouldn’t hear.

 

Gwen cocked her head to the side in curiosity, “what do you mean?”

 

“It’s just that… he hasn’t really kissed me since we got back together. Like it’s a peck hello and a peck goodbye and that’s it,” Grizz explained.

 

“Is that…odd?” she asked.

 

Grizz shrugged, “maybe. There’s nothing in the pecks though. It’s like he’s greeting his grandmother or something. He used to be all over me and now it’s like we’re…friends.”

 

Gwen lips quirked into a small smile before she spoke, “okay one, it’s been less than a week so calm down. Two, have you tried kissing him properly?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because…he’s usually, like…the more, I don’t know,” Grizz paused because he knew he’ probably regret telling Gwen this but he really needed help, “Sam’s usually the dominant one with shit like that.”

 

“Holy shit,” Gwen snorted, “you’re a bottom. Never would’ve thought.”

 

“First of all, we haven’t even done it yet. Second of all, who initiates making out and…other stuff… has nothing to do with topping and bottoming. Third of all, why do you make it sound like bottoming is a bad thing?” Grizz rambled, but he really didn’t want Gwen to comment about any of those things so he went on, “back on topic, I think he’s still mad at me about something I did.”

 

“What’d you do?” Gwen asked in a tone that was already accusing Grizz of his wrong-doings.

 

Grizz couldn’t tell her the whole truth, but he could twist it a little, “I kind of kissed another guy while we were broken up.”

 

Gwen’s eyes almost jumped out of her skull and her jaw dropped so fast he was sure she almost dislocated it. “What the fuck Grizz how am I just finding out now? Who was it?”

 

“It was just this random guy in a club,” Grizz lied, “it doesn’t matter. Sam found out and we talked it out when we got back together and he said he’s okay with it now, but I don’t know if he’s holding a grudge.”

 

“He broke up with you. You should be the angry one,” she said, and Grizz still hadn’t told her about the Campbell thing, and he wasn’t going to either because he didn’t want his friends involved in Campbell in any way, and knowing Gwen, she’d probably go straight up to him next time they were at school and give him a good serving. 

 

“I’m not angry at him,” Grizz settled for.

 

“Because you’re an angel,” Gwen said and paused for a moment because they both heard a door swing shut. Looking up, Grizz noticed Sam was done and coming towards them. Gwen turned back to Grizz, “listen, at the party tonight you’re both gonna get drunk and high and hook up and it’ll be great. Trust me.”

 

“That’s if he even wants to hook up with me,” Grizz said.

 

“I think you’re over-thinking and I can tell that boy is in love with you, so relax. Be normal. You’ll work it out,” Gwen assured him.

 

Grizz nodded and looked up just as Sam got to them.

 

“What, no snacks?” Sam asked.

 

“She’s so indecisive,” Grizz said.

 

“Am not,” Gwen said before grabbing a couple arm-fulls of chips and chocolate and going over to the register.

 

\---

 

Yale. Grizz was a little disgruntled as they drove up to the campus he so desperately wanted to go to. If only they hadn’t rejected him. Grizz was already a little jealous of this Seth guy they were going to meet. Grizz felt a little inadequate, but Duke was a good school too, so he had to be happy with that.

 

“This place is fucking beautiful,” Grizz said with a heavy heart. It just wasn’t fair. The school was like something from a god damn fairytale and Grizz was like one of Cinderella’s evil step-sisters.

 

“Try not to orgasm everywhere, Grizzy,” Gwen said.

 

“Shut up,” Grizz grumbled. God she could be so annoying sometimes.

 

Sam snickered, and of course he had been looking at Gwen just as she said that. Grizz brought he fingers to Sam’s chin and made him turn back to look at him, the other boy’s eyes falling to his lips.

 

“Please do not encourage her,” Grizz requested.

 

Sam eyes lit up a little as he nodded, “okay.”

 

And God, fuck, damn it, Grizz wanted to kiss him. He wanted to tell Gwen to get out of the car and leave them alone and maybe, just maybe Grizz saw in Sam’s eyes that he wanted that too. Either way, Grizz dropped his hand and turned to let himself out of the van. The other two followed suit and the three of them met up at the front of the van.

 

“Where are we meeting this guy?” Sam asked.

 

Gwen had her phone in her hands and was typing away, “he’s at one of the café’s. Uhm…he said go straight through and then…that way and…he sent a map. It’s makes half sense.”

 

“Just lead the way,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay, okay,” Gwen said as she kept her eyes glued on her phone, confusion etched on her face, “I think I got it. Follow me.”

 

“If we get lost…” Grizz started.

 

“You won’t. We use the buddy system here. Maybe you two should hold hands so you don’t lose each other,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz knew what she was doing. Sam couldn’t hear the emphasis on her words, but Grizz could. He knew she was trying to get them closer together, and holding hands, well, that wasn’t something Grizz considered doing. They were out in public and if they were back in West Ham, he couldn’t do that. But here? Where no one they knew was around? Maybe he could.

 

“You don’t have to,” Sam said.

 

Grizz glanced around. This was college. Everyone here was older, more open-minded. Grizz didn’t know what he was expecting looking around at everyone. Maybe he was hoping for a random gay couple to also be holding hands or kissing in public just to tell Grizz that it was okay, that he wasn’t back in West Ham with the close-minded towns people. Grizz couldn’t see another gay couple, but he could see Sam, looking up at him as they walked. Sam. His boyfriend. And Grizz wanted to be out, and his dad was nowhere in sight so…

 

Grizz glanced down as his hand knocked against Sam’s, and then he did it. He took Sam’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He held Sam’s hand plenty of times before, but doing it out in public like that was new. Grizz expected to be scared, to be overwhelmed with panic, thinking someone would say or do something to them, but instead, he felt pride. Not proud of holding Sam’s hand, but proud to pretty much show Sam off to the world. Because yes, world, this was his fucking boyfriend who was holding his hand right back, and wow, look how damn attractive and cute he is. Grizz had always wanted to do that, to walk down the halls of school and let everyone know that he was taken and so damn happy about it. Maybe Grizz would do that when they got back to West Ham, because the feeling was liberating.

 

Grizz was holding Sam’s hand in public, and you know what? The world didn’t end.

 

Sam didn’t say a thing and neither did Gwen, both of them probably completely unaware of the euphoric sensation in Grizz’s heart. The three walked along and Grizz glanced from person to person, wondering what, if anything, any of them thought of seeing two guys holding hands. And what did Grizz get? He got, well, a lot of nothing. No one even paid them any attention at all.

 

Grizz relaxed a little and his hands stopped sweating. This was nice. It was normal, and Grizz realized just how closed of West Ham seemed from the rest of the world. Grizz was even more excited now for college, even though he would be away for a lot of the time, but he planned on Sam visiting and he planned on being a sickeningly cute PDA couple.

 

The three walked side by side in silence as they wandered around campus, and Grizz was sure they were going around in circles before Gwen veered them off in a different direction. It was only when Grizz heard her high-pitched squeal did he know they found the right place. Grizz could see the café, but outside of it was a guy that looked up straight away at the scream, with the biggest smile on his face.

 

Gwen ran over to the man and jumped into his waiting arms. Their embrace gave Grizz a moment to really size the guy up. He was tall, probably as tall as Grizz was, but he was skinnier, lankier. He had short, jet black hair up in a quiff with the sides shaved. He had perfect, porcelain skin, wore glasses and dressed well. He looked, at least on first impressions, like a very well put together guy, and Grizz didn’t really know what he was expecting. He guessed they were going to meet someone like Clark, like a football jock, but this guy didn’t seem like that at all.

 

“He’s cute,” Sam said.

 

Grizz nodded but didn’t comment on it. He agreed, sure, but he didn’t want to mention a guy being cute at all considered how convinced he was that Sam was upset about the Clark kiss still. Grizz didn’t want to rock the boat.

 

Gwen had her lips locked on Seth’s, and Sam and Grizz stood there, a little awkwardly, as they waited. Grizz didn’t blame them. The two of them had only met once and then were talking online for weeks, actually maybe it had been months. Grizz wondered if it would be like that with him and Sam after months of not seeing each other. He could only hope.

 

“Should we…go?” Sam asked.

 

“Give her a minute,” Grizz replied.

 

And a minute was as long as it took for the two to finally detach from each other and for Gwen to remember she came there with friends. She held Seth’s hand as she tugged him over to Sam and Grizz.

 

“Boys, this is Seth, Seth, this is my very good friend, Grizz, and my other very good friend Sam,” Gwen said proudly.

 

“Hey, nice to finally meet you,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Likewise. Gwen’s told me a lot about you both,” Seth said.

 

“Has she now?” Grizz asked, eyeing Gwen with a bit of a glare.

 

“Good things, I promise,” Seth laughed.

 

“Only good things about me. Not you,” Sam teased, knocking into Grizz’s side.

 

Grizz shot a glare at Sam instead. Sam just smiled back innocently.

 

“Should we go inside? I got us a table,” Seth said.

 

“Yes, I’m starving!” Gwen exclaimed.

 

“You ate like three packets of chips on the way here,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“Hey, don’t expose me as a pig in front of Seth,” Gwen hissed.

 

“I already knew, it’s fine. You know when we met she was busy chowing down on this burger in this very café that was _way_ too big for her and she tried talking and spluttered it, like, everywhere,” Seth laughed.

 

“Uhm, that’s not how that went,” Gwen argued.

 

“Yes, it was, sweetie,” Seth said, patting her head condescendingly, but it was honestly pretty funny, and Grizz decided he might just approve of this guy. He didn’t seem like the fuckboy he imagined in his head.

 

“I do not recall,” Gwen said, waving her hand dismissively as she turned and went into the café.

 

The three boys just laughed at her as they followed her inside, then took Seth’s lead as they went over to the table. There were already four drinks on the table. As they sat down, Grizz looked up with a questioning look.

 

“Gwen told me, hot chocolate for you, Grizz, and a mocha for Sam.

 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Sam said.

 

“Oh please, you’re my guests this weekend,” Seth said.

 

“Hm, I like this guy,” Grizz told Gwen as he took a sip of the sweet, delicious hot chocolate. It was really fucking good.

 

“Good to have the best friend stamp of approval,” Seth said with a wide smile.

 

“I’m your best friend?” Grizz asked Gwen.

 

“Well, you and Helena, I guess,” Gwen shrugged.

 

“Nope, you have to choose,” Grizz said.

 

Gwen gave a smirk before challenging him, “choose between me and Luke.”

 

“Luke.”

 

“Uh, rude.”

 

“Are they always like this?” Seth asked Sam, then repeated the question when Sam hadn’t been paying attention to him.

 

“Mostly. They’re exhausting,” Sam confirmed.  

 

The four of them fell into a comfortable conversation. It was a little awkward seeing Gwen practically hanging off the guy and kissing his cheek every few minutes, but Grizz also didn’t blame her for doing that. Grizz wanted to do that with Sam but he had his ‘hetero charade’ so ingrained in his mind that it was a little difficult to get to a place where it was natural to do those things with Sam in public. Not to mention things still felt a little off.

 

Grizz learnt a lot about this Seth guy, because Grizz was supposed to be playing the role of protective big brother, right? He had to see if this guy was worthy, and he was, Grizz thought. He was really nice and didn’t give off any vibes like the likes of Campbell would. Seth was smart, and Grizz supposed he had to be to get into Yale. He was majoring in astrophysics for God’s sake. Grizz was okay with science, especially biology, but tended to lean more towards literature studies when it came to academia, but it was impressive that this guy wanted to be an astrophysicist.

 

Seth seemed really interested in knowing about them too. He clearly had been clued in by Gwen that they were a couple and he didn’t even bat an eye when it was mentioned. He was also really considerate with making sure Sam understood what he was saying and when he was saying it. All around, Seth seemed to be a really good guy, and definitely had Grizz’s stamp of approval. Grizz could relax a little knowing Gwen would probably be staying the night in his dorm.

 

Time was flying. They ate, talked, and before they knew it the sun was setting. The café was still pretty packed with people though so Grizz wondered if they stayed open late, or maybe it was twenty-four hour café, and damn that would be cool. It was just another reason for Grizz to mope over not getting in to Yale.

 

Half way through their millionth topic of the day, Sam suddenly interrupted them to excuse himself and it took Grizz second to realize why. Sam went up to a guy who was near the registers and got his attention before hugging him.

 

“Who’s that?” Gwen asked.

 

“I don’t know…” Grizz trailed off.

 

Grizz didn’t think he was a jealous guy. He really didn’t, but seeing Sam talking to this guy, who was ripped and attractive, with dark hair and eyes, and taller than Grizz, had something twinge in Grizz’s stomach. Grizz’s eyes narrowed, because the mystery stranger looked really familiar, but Grizz couldn’t quite place where he had seen him before.

 

Grizz was so focused on how ridiculously good looking the guy was that he took him a moment to realize he and Sam were signing to each other. This stranger was hot _and_ knew sign language? There was that twinge in Grizz’s stomach again. Actually, Grizz felt a little sick. Grizz’s mind was racing, because of course Sam knew other guys. Of course Sam would talk to them. And suddenly Grizz’s mind was taking him on a journey of all the possibilities that could come of Sam talking to guy, and he kept going back to one thought.

 

What if Sam found a guy while Grizz was away at college?

 

It wasn’t something Grizz had thought about, because his gut had always told him that Sam was a good guy, that Sam was the _best_ guy, that Sam wouldn’t do that to him, but what if things had changed? What if Sam wanted to get back at him for kissing Clark? What if he wanted to get even?

 

Grizz remembered a couple of years ago when Jason had a girlfriend he had been with for a couple of months, and the idiot went and kissed another girl when he was drunk at a party. The girl forgave Jason, supposedly, until one night when they were all hanging out together at another party. The girl tried kissing Grizz right there in front of Jason and told him to just ‘play along’. Grizz knew Sam wasn’t like that, but then again, what if? What if Sam really was holding a grudge against him because of Clark? What if Sam found someone better?

 

“Grizz, sweetie? Let’s stop glaring daggers now,” Gwen said as she placed her hand over Grizz’s.

 

“What?” Grizz had been off in his own anxiety-laden world.

 

“He’s allowed to talk to another boy,” she said. Seth, to his credit, made himself look busy on his phone.

 

“I know. I know. I’ve just…never really seen him talk to another guy except, like, Gordie,” Grizz said.

 

“He’s probably, like, his cousin or something,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz nodded, and he decided he couldn’t sit still, “I need a water, do you need a water?”

 

“Grizz, don’t you dare,” Gwen warned, seeing straight through Grizz.

 

“What? I just…want water…” Grizz said innocently.

 

Grizz ignored Gwen’s protests and headed over towards the counter, getting closer to Sam and the mystery boy. It would be rude to not ask Sam if he wanted another drink, right? Right. So, without thinking about it anymore, Grizz went over to his _boyfriend_ and he became one of the types of guys he usually made fun of. He possessively wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist.

 

Sam jumped a little, not expecting Grizz to be there, let alone to touch him more than a hand-hold in public. Sam looked up at him and smiled wide.

 

“Hey, babe, do you want a drink?” Grizz asked him.

 

Sam shook his head, “no, I’m okay. Thank you”

 

“Cool…cool,” Grizz nodded and his attention turned to the guy who was standing there watching the two of them. He really did look oddly familiar.

 

“Hi, I’m Grizz, Sam’s boyfriend,” Grizz said with all the confidence he could muster up. And hey, that was the first time he had ever said that to a stranger.

 

“Hey, yeah I know you. Star football player, right?” the stranger asked.

 

Grizz frowned, because what? “How did you know that?”

 

“I went to West Ham High. Graduated two years ago,” he said.

 

“This is Gabe, Becca’s brother,” Sam filled in the blanks. 

 

“Oh,” Grizz said, and he felt stupid all of a sudden. Or maybe he shouldn’t have. Just because he was Becca’s brother didn’t mean Sam couldn’t have a crush on him. And what if Sam did? There was a certain appeal about the best friend’s brother, right? Grizz knew he was being stupid, but he just couldn’t help it. He felt as though he was barely holding on to his and Sam’s relationship, like something, anything could blow it up at any minute.

 

“It’s cool to meet you, dude,” Gabe said before turning his attention back to Sam and spoke as he signed, “awesome seeing you again, Sam. But I gotta go. There’s a party at my frat tonight if you boys wanna come?”

 

“I think we’re already going? I don’t know. Gwen told us we are anyway,” Sam said.

 

“It’s the only one tonight, so probably. May or may not see you there?” Gabe asked.

 

“We’ll see,” Sam answered.

 

“Cool, I’d love you to finally meet Brittany,” Gabe said.

 

“Meet her before Becca does? She’ll kill me,” Sam laughed.

 

“She’ll be fine. I’ll see you around, okay? Later, Grizz,” Gabe nodded, and Grizz just nodded back, feeling extra stupid. Sam said goodbye and then he was gone, leaving Grizz and Sam by themselves. Grizz watched the door as Gabe walked out of it, and he wasn’t willing to look at Sam, because Grizz _knew_ he was out of character just then. He knew how bad it looked, and he knew Sam had caught on.

 

“You’re jealous,” Sam said, getting Grizz’s attention.

 

Grizz looked at him with a scoff as he made a big show of shaking his head, “what? No. No, I’m not.”

 

“You are.”

 

“No…nope…”

 

“He’s just a friend,” Sam assured.

 

“A very attractive friend who knows sign language,” Grizz muttered.

 

“Hey, if I have to see you kiss Clark, then you can handle me talking to another guy,” Sam joked, and Grizz knew he was joking but it still struck a chord.

 

“Yeah,” was all Grizz said with a nod. He turned from Sam and went to the cashier to get the water like he was supposed to do in the first place.

 

Grizz couldn’t help but feel ashamed, and even a little hurt that Sam threw that back in his face like that, and Grizz was trying really hard to calm himself down, to tell himself that Sam didn’t mean it like that, that Sam was kidding, but since they had gotten back together, Grizz felt as though Sam was still mad at him about it, and maybe he still was. Maybe the joke wasn’t really a joke.

 

Grizz purchased the bottled water and turned back to Sam, not looking at him because he didn’t know what his eyes would show. He went back over to Gwen and Seth who were just getting up from the table.

 

“Hey, we thought we might head off now. I can show you around campus?” Seth suggested.

 

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” Grizz said.

 

“Alright, let’s go,” Seth nodded to the door.

 

The four of them left the café together and they started out all walking along in a group but it soon became clear Gwen and Seth were a lot more interested in being with each other, so Grizz and Sam slowed down a little, letting the two break off. Grizz had his phone anyway in case they separated too far from them.

 

Sam, who had just been silently walking by Grizz’s side, slid his hand into Grizz’s linking their fingers together. Grizz glanced down and he tried to embrace that warm feeling Sam always seemed to give him, but there were so many thoughts niggling in the forefront of his mind that he couldn’t do anything except muster up a small, pathetic smile.

 

Sam noticed. Of course, he did. Maybe Grizz was being so quiet and unresponsive on purpose just so Sam could notice, so they could talk about it, not that Grizz even knew what to say. He just knew that if they didn’t sort this out soon then Grizz was going to sink further and further into his thoughts until they destroyed him.

 

Sam, hearing Grizz’s silent prayers, stopped walking and tugged at Grizz’s hand. Grizz glanced up ahead at Gwen and Seth, but they’d realize they weren’t following eventually and would double back. Grizz turned to Sam who nodded towards a nearby empty bench that was a little off of the main path, by a beautiful garden.

 

Grizz followed Sam. The two of them sat down, fingers still locked together, facing each other, even though Grizz couldn’t meet Sam’s gaze. Grizz was just so afraid of losing Sam again. It happened once before, and Grizz just felt like it was about to happen again, and he couldn’t take it. His heart clenched, his lungs tightened and he thought he was on the verge of a panic attack.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked. And well, if that wasn’t the million dollar question.

 

“Nothing,” Grizz’s voice broke.

 

“Grizz…” Sam sighed, and Grizz finally looked up at him, at Sam’s gorgeous eyes that burned into his with so much concern that Grizz actually calmed down a little, just a fraction. Grizz had to ask what had been on his mind otherwise it was going to eat him alive.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam looked a little shocked as he shook his head, “what? No. Why?”

 

“Like…about the Clark thing still?” Grizz asked, and the way Sam was looking at him, all confused and lost, had Grizz realizing that maybe this really was all in his head.

 

“I don’t like it, but I get it. As long as you say nothing is going on there then I’m not mad at you,” Sam said.

 

“Nothing is going on, I swear” Grizz promised.

 

 “I know there isn’t. And I’m sorry for bringing it up before, but I was joking. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” Sam apologized.

 

“It’s hard not to. I feel like I’ve fucked up,” Grizz lowered his gaze again.

 

“Look at me,” Sam ordered, and Grizz couldn’t help but obey. He looked into Sam’s eyes and saw the kindest, most real and honest gleam in them as he spoke, “I promise you, you did nothing wrong. I’m not mad at you. I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Grizz mouthed.

 

Sam gave a little smile before it fell and he glanced at their intertwined hands, rubbing his thumb soothingly over Grizz’s before he met his eyes gain.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Sam questioned.

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Are you still mad at me for breaking up with you?” he asked.

 

Grizz’s answer was out at lightning stopped, “God, no. I fucking love you, Sam. How could I possibly be mad at you?”

 

“How could _I_ possible be mad at _you?_ ” Sam countered, and Sam had him there. Maybe they were both being a bit silly. Maybe they both thought the other was mad and this was all some huge misunderstanding.

 

“If you aren’t mad at me then…why won’t you kiss me?” Grizz asked.

 

“Me?! _You_ won’t kiss _me_ ,” Sam argued, pointing from himself to Grizz. And Grizz was confused.

 

“What, no. Wait. You think I don’t want to kiss you?” Grizz asked.

 

“You think I don’t want to kiss _you_?” Sam repeated.

 

“Well…yeah?”

 

“Grizz,” Sam sighed, his expression softening, “I wanna do a lot more than kiss you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really. I told you I love you and I mean it. I thought you were still upset with me, that’s why I haven’t been all over you. I was waiting for you to start it,” Sam said.

 

Grizz sighed in relief just hearing that, but at the same time he was so frustrated. “I was waiting for you,” he admitted.

 

“We’re dumb.”

 

“So fucking dumb.”

 

The two boys broke out into laughter. Grizz felt like an idiot, but he found comfort knowing that he wasn’t the only one, that Sam was just as worried about their relationship too, but they didn’t have anything to worry out, at least, Grizz hoped not.

 

“Are we okay?” Grizz asked when their laughter died down.

 

“We’re perfect,” Sam assured him.

 

Grizz couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. The two of them leant forward at the same time and were just about to kiss when Gwen’s voice interrupted them.

 

“Hey! Losers!” Grizz turned his head, making Sam look over to where Gwen and Seth were standing a little away from them having doubled back down the path. “What are you doing? We have to get ready!”

 

“Okay! We’re coming!” Grizz called back.

 

The two boys turned back to each other with a sigh.

 

“She wants us to get ready for the party,” Grizz explained.

 

“Or…” Sam started with a mischievous smile, “we can skip it and I can show you just how not mad at you I really am.”

 

Sam placed his hand on Grizz’s thigh, giving it a squeeze, and Grizz tried so hard to contain his smile, because there was the Sam that Grizz had missed so much.

 

“And have Gwen kill us?” Grizz pointed out.

 

Sam thought about before nodding, “you’re right.”

 

Still holding his hand, Sam stood and pulled Grizz up with him. The two of them headed over to Gwen, and Grizz hadn’t felt this happy in the entire week. He was more than ready to let loose at this party.

 


	34. Bathroom break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 33 recap: Sam, Grizz and Gwen finally made it to their Yale trip! They met Seth. He seems cool. Grizz got jealous when Sam spoke to another guy who turned out to be Becca's brother. Grizz was worried Sam was still upset over the Clark kiss, but he wasn't. Sam was worried Grizz was still upset over the break up, but he wasn't. They both thought the other didn't want to kiss them and they realized that was wrong and they're both dumb.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead

Grizz thought the parties Luke and Harry threw were wild. He hadn’t seen anything. The party one of the frat houses threw at Yale that night was unlike anything Grizz had seen before. There was more alcohol, which was saying a lot considering Luke’s parties were usually loaded with it. There were more idiots too, which, again, was saying a lot considering Jason and Clark existed. There were just a lot more people in general and everyone was out to have a good time. It was drama free, at least from what Grizz saw.

 

The music shifted from upbeat party tunes to dirty, sexy, songs you would find in a strip club. The bass thumped through the entire house, which Sam was a big fan of and he took every opportunity to grind against Grizz, not that Grizz was going to object for a single second, although sometimes he had to get Sam to stop before he got an accidental boner. That wasn’t something Grizz needed after only an hour of being there.

 

Still, Grizz relished in being able to touch Sam out in the open and not worry about who saw. He was addicted to holding Sam’s hand, to wrapping his arm around Sam’s waist, to kissing behind Sam’s ear while he danced _so damn close_ to Grizz that Grizz was sure they were about to morph into one person. That might have been the weed talking, because, right, Seth’s friend offered them a joint each because they were ‘friends of a friend’, and Grizz wasn’t a stranger to pot. Apparently, Sam wasn’t either.

 

So far, the two of them had one joint, about three shots of tequila each (which Grizz was not looking forward to the headache in the morning) and two beers that they shared, and they were only an hour in. Grizz was buzzed, his body warm all over. Sam wasn’t helping the situation as he swayed back and forth, his back to Grizz’s front. Grizz held him close, his hand slipping under the bottom of Sam’s shirt just to feel his skin. Grizz adored touching him. He could do it forever. And he loved how no one gave a single fuck. He also loved how he had seen another three not straight couples at the party. To Grizz, it was like being in another world.

 

“Grizzy babe, you two need to get a room!” Gwen shouted over the music, even though she was barely five feet away from them, in the same position that Grizz and Sam were in.

 

“Don’t need a room. Got a van and a blow up mattress for later,” Grizz yelled back before winking.

 

Gwen scrunched up her face, “those are new sheets!”

 

Grizz laughed as he shook his head, ignoring her. Like she could talk anyway. Gwen and Seth were being just as hands on, if not more so. He could tell Seth was already a little drunk. Gwen wasn’t, and Grizz was proud of her for having some self control. She told Grizz earlier she wanted to be in control of herself that night if Seth didn’t end up being who she thought he was, but Grizz didn’t think that would be a problem. Seth seemed like a really great guy. Or maybe Grizz was just tipsy and thinking positively for once in his life.

 

Sam turned in Grizz’s arms and wrapped his own around Grizz’s neck. Grizz bit his lip as he looked down at his boyfriend who danced to the beat of the bass. Sometimes Grizz wondered exactly how Sam experienced music, but it didn’t really matter to him because at least Sam was having fun. Grizz loved fun Sam. He absolutely adored him. And Grizz was just ecstatic that it felt as though they were themselves again. On the flip side, Sam had to stop looking at him like _that_ because they were at a party and Sam really couldn’t be looking at him with those fucking sex-eyes, as Grizz was going to call them.

 

“I want more shots!” Sam told him, jumping a little in Grizz’s arms.

 

“Are you trying to get us drunk?” Grizz asked.

 

“Maybe,” Sam smiled like the not-so-innocent angel he was before taking Grizz’s hand and leading him through the array of bodies.

 

The duo went back inside to the kitchen where there was a _fucking bartender._ Seriously. An actual bartender, who was set up at the long island in the middle of the kitchen. Grizz was pretty sure someone who was part of this fraternity was rich. Seth told them his best friend practically ran the show around there which was why Grizz and Sam were let in, not that there was exactly security around.

 

“What can I get you boys?” the bartender said, and she didn’t even bother asking for ID or anything like that. Then again, she didn’t exactly seem legitimate either. She actually looked as though she could be underage herself given her baby face and how short she was. The only thing aging her up a little were the tattoos covering her arms that had faded.

 

“Give me the gayest shot you got for me and my boyfriend here,” Grizz said. That was something else new that Grizz found addicting; telling strangers he had a boyfriend.

 

“You got it,” she said before working her magic and before Grizz knew it there were two shots in front of himself and Sam. Grizz frowned as he eyed down the small shot glass with the brown and creamy liquid in it.

 

“Doesn’t look very gay,” Grizz pouted.

 

“Neither do you, Princess. It’s called a cock-sucking cowboy. Now suck it or leave it,” she demanded, and she left them to it to serve someone else.

 

Grizz and Sam picked up their shots and turned to look at each other.

 

“A cock-sucking cowboy? Is that what she said?” Sam asked.

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Hm…” Sam eyed the shot, “maybe I’ll be the cowboy tonight,” and without another moment’s hesitation, Sam downed it in one gulp, and Grizz was impressed at how he could handle shots without grimacing like Grizz always did. That thought was pushed aside though because was Sam implying what Grizz thought he was implying?

 

“You can’t say that,” Grizz said.

 

“Why not?”

 

“You’re putting ideas in my head. Bad ideas,” Grizz stepped closer, tugging on Sam’s shirt so he came closer. Sam did and looked at Grizz with that suggestive gleam in his eyes that Grizz had missed so fucking much.

 

“I think they’re very good ideas, actually,” Sam’s voice, although muffled by music, was like honey to Grizz’s ears.

 

“Do you really?” Grizz asked as he leant down, his lips mere inches away from finally reconnecting with Sam’s.

 

“Take the shot,” Sam spoke, his breath ticking at Grizz’s lips and chin.

 

“Kiss me and I will,” Grizz bargained.

 

Sam grinned as he took Grizz’s hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing the back of it lightly.

 

“Not what I meant,” Grizz said, but all Sam did was giggle at him before nudging Grizz’s other hand holding the shot. Rolling his eyes, Grizz took the shot quickly, ignoring the uncomfortable burn down his throat. He slammed the shot glass back on the kitchen counter and was about to ask Sam for that kiss again when they were joined by two others.

 

“Hey!” Seth got Grizz’s attention, “my sister is here downstairs. She’s got some good shit. You guys in?”

 

“Not anything heavy though, right?” Grizz asked, not even because he was worried about himself or Sam, but he didn’t want Gwen to be with some guy that was into dealing or doing hardcore drugs.

 

“No,” Seth laughed, “just weed. Better than the shit Ryan gave you.”

 

Grizz turned to Sam, “you catch that?”

 

“Downstairs. Sister. Weed. Sure,” Sam nodded.

 

“Great, come on!” Gwen grabbed Grizz’s hand and dragged him along. Grizz barely managed to link hands with Sam too so he didn’t get lost on the way.

 

The four of them headed over to a door which, when opened, revealed a staircase. Heading down the stairs, the music got a little quieter and instead Grizz could hear the sounds of chatter and laughter. When they got to the ground floor, Grizz noticed where those sounds were coming from.

 

It was the typical basement you would expect in a frat house. Couches. Pool table. TV. And in the middle of the floor, sitting in a circle, were five people, drinking and talking. There were three boys and two girls. Smoke filled the air and Grizz could see one of the girls was rolling joints. Grizz was sure he’d get contact high just from being in the room.

 

“Seth!” the girl who was rolling the joints shouted as she noticed the four of them standing there, “finally! Is this your girl?”

 

“Hey Bree, yeah this is Gwen. Gwen, Bree and her girlfriend Jaz. And that’s Caleb, Jeremy and Brad. They live here,” Seth introduced. Grizz ignored the fact that he technically had not been introduced yet and took a step forward with wide eyes as he honed in on the two girls.

 

“She’s your…you’re girlfriends?” Grizz asked in wonder.

 

Both girls gave him wary looks before Bree nodded, “yeah?”

 

“I’ve never spoken to a real life lesbian before,” Grizz declared.

 

“The fuck?” one of the boys whispered, and Bree and Jaz scrunched up their faces in both confusion and…was that disgust? And Grizz realized how he must have sounded.

 

“Oh! No, no,” Grizz spun around and latched onto Sam’s wrist, tugging him forward. He wrapped an arm around his waist and presented him to the group, “sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Let me start again. I’m Grizz and this is my boyfriend, Sam.”

 

The group seemed to relax as Bree gave a little laugh, “okay. Hi Grizz and boyfriend Sam.”

 

Grizz kept looking at the two girls, bewilderment clear in his eyes as he cooed out a “wow”.

 

“Is he okay?” Jaz asked.

 

“Small town,” Gwen interjected, “we don’t meet not straight people often. This is all very new and exciting for him.”

 

“Yeah,” Grizz agreed, nodding vigorously.

 

“Right, well, Grizz and boyfriend Sam, are you up for a game?” Bree asked.

 

Grizz unwrapped himself from Sam and looked at him, catching the boy’s gaze because he wasn’t sure if he had been following the conversation.

 

“Want to play a game?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam just smiled and nodded, so the four of them joined in on the circle. Grizz was still amazed that he was sitting there with another not-straight couple. He would never in a million years have imagined doing that at home. Grizz sat there, sizing everyone up. Bree was pretty, really pretty, and it was more than obvious that Seth was her brother because they looked so alike. She was tall, even Grizz could tell that even though she was sitting. She had shoulder length hair, cut neat and straight, the same dark color as Seth’s. Her nose was pierced and she had a couple of visible tattoos. She seemed cool.

 

Jaz was polar opposite, at least looks-wise. She was little, really little, and had long, flowing blonde hair. Not a single piercing or tattoo was visible and her clothes were brighter than Bree’s. Despite the differences Grizz thoughts they were a cute couple and he wondered if people would think the same about himself and Sam, that they matched despite their differences, or if they were cute at all. Grizz didn’t really care what anyone thought though. 

 

Caleb, Jeremy and Brad, the three other boys with them, were exactly how you would imagine a group of frat boys and, in fact, reminded Grizz of Luke, Clark and Jason.

 

“Want one?” Bree broke Grizz out of his trance as she offered himself, Sam, Seth and Gwen a joint each. All of them nodded, because Grizz wanted to have a good time and he didn’t think he few joints here and there was particularly a bad thing.

 

Lighting up and taking hit first hit, Grizz could tell straight away that it was better than what they had gotten before. Caleb also got up and went over to a fridge in the corner of the room, taking out a few beers for everyone. Grizz couldn’t stop thinking about how _nice_ all of these people were, just handing out weed and beer. Grizz hoped all colleges and students were like this. Or maybe they were just being nice because they were friends with Seth. Either way, Grizz had weed, beer and Sam by his side, so he was happy. 

 

For the next two hours, the group stayed downstairs playing Cards Against Humanity, the drinking version. Whoever lost each round had to drink. To say that Sam and Grizz were bad at the game was an understatement. Or, maybe they had just been dealt shitty cards, because the two ended up finishing three beers each before Brad broke out the tequila shots and Grizz had another four while Sam had three. Not to mention the two extra joints they had, which would have been rude for them to refuse, right?

 

Grizz was glad he was sitting because he was sure if he stood up then the world would flip upside down. He looked to Sam as they finished the round. Sam was leant against Grizz’s shoulder, their hands linked together. Grizz had never felt more like a high school kid who couldn’t handle his liquor. Maybe that was enough for the night.

 

“Wow, you newbies really suck at this game,” Caleb said.

 

“Shut up, first time I’ve ever played,” Sam argued.

 

Grizz stared off into the distance as he contemplated something that had been on his mind for at least the past forty-five minutes, before he voiced his thoughts, “why is it called card against humanity though? What do the cards have against humans? Without us, they’re nothing.”

 

Gwen snorted, slapping Grizz’s thigh, “you’re so high.”

 

“Like a kite,” Grizz laughed.

 

“Alright bitches,” Jaz spoke. “another game?”

 

There was a resounding ‘yes’, but Grizz looked to Sam who already had his eyes on Grizz. A silent conversation passed between the two boy’s eyes before Sam shook his head.

 

“I’m just gonna watch,” Sam told him.

 

“Okay, not us,” Grizz addressed the group, “we’ll sit this round out.”

 

“Pussies,” Bree chastised.

 

“Yeah, pussies. Can’t handle your drinks, huh?” Gwen teased, and that wasn’t fair because she hadn’t had even nearly as much as what Sam and Grizz had, and Grizz was certain she had water in that red cup of hers, not that anyone else really clued in.

 

“All y’all enjoy throwing up in the morning,” Grizz said with a smug smile.

 

“Whatever, out of the circle! You’ll confuse us!” Bree banished them.

 

“Fine,” Grizz said and took Sam’s hand. He got up from the floor, Sam following his lead. The two of them headed over to a couch just a little away from the group, towards the corner of the room. Grizz sat down first before pulling Sam on top of him. The boy fell with a giggle before situating himself comfortably on Grizz’s lap, sitting sideways, his legs on the couch beside them. Grizz wrapped one arm around Sam’s back, keeping him close, with the other rested on his thigh, while Sam slid his around the back of Grizz’s neck.

 

“Are you having fun?” Grizz asked his boyfriend.

 

Sam just smiled and nodded before burying his face against Grizz’s neck. Grizz relished in the feeling of the tip of Sam’s nose sliding against his skin and the tickle of his warm breath. Sam kissed the dip of his collarbone gently before nuzzling into his hair, and the next moment, Sam was sitting back with wide, wonderous eyes,

 

“Your hair,” Sam cooed in awe, “is so…soft.”

 

Sam ran his fingers through the entirety of Grizz’s hair. He tugged on it, pulling Grizz’s head in every which way possible.

 

“You’re makin’ a mess,” Grizz told him, not that he minded. He actually adored the way Sam was looking at him and touching him as if he were some mystical creature.

 

“No,” Sam shook his head, “it was already a mess.”

 

Sam kept at it as he tried to touch every little strand of Grizz’s softer than ever hair. Grizz felt as though Sam’s fingers were vibrating through his head, right to the pores of his brain, finding the switch deep within Grizz that turned his entire body to mush, because he was, as always, like putty in Sam’s hands.

 

“Woah, you look like you’ve been electrocuted,” Sam said as he attempted to style Grizz’s hair into a mohawk.

 

Grizz could barely see through the hair that Sam had pushed in front of his face. All he could do was laugh and keep letting Sam do what he wanted with him. Sam took the hair tie from around Grizz’s wrist and soon the hair was no longer in front of eyes, and instead Sam had put all the hair that was long enough to reach into a top-knot.

 

“You need a bow. You’d be so pretty,” Sam said. 

 

“Am I not pretty already?” Grizz pouted.

 

“The prettiest,” Sam said quickly, his eyes boring into Grizz’s, letting him know that he believed what he was saying with one hundred per cent accuracy. 

 

“You’re pretty too,” Grizz smiled.

 

“No.”

 

“Yes. I like your freckles. I want to play connect the dots,” Grizz touched Sam’s face, his fingers gently running from each of the slightly darker freckles.

 

Sam smiled so wide that it made Grizz’s insides warm and he decided then and there that his life purpose was to make Sam smile, because Sam was at his absolute cutest when he smiled. In fact, Sam was cute all the time and Grizz wanted the world to see that.

 

“I like this,” Grizz said.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Being with you like this, not caring who is around. I just want everyone to know I got you,” Grizz said before kissing Sam’s cheek lightly.

 

“I can’t wait for you tell your friends about us, and it can be like this all the time,” Sam said.

 

Grizz pulled back with a gasp, “oh my God, yes. I’m gonna tell Luke.”

 

“You already told Luke,” Sam frowned.

 

“But what if he forgot? We’ve been gone for lightyears,” Grizz said, and oh God, did what if Luke _did_ forget? What if Luke didn’t believe him like Clark did. Grizz decided it was time for drastic measures, because Luke _had_ to know. He just had to.

 

Grizz slipped his hand under Sam’s thigh to get to his phone.

 

“What are you doing?” Sam asked.

 

“I’m gonna FaceTime him,” Grizz declared.

 

“Ask him if he likes your new hair style,” Sam said, deadly serious.

 

“Sam, please, I’m coming out. This is not the time to talk about hair,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re right,” Sam nodded.

 

Grizz gave him a ‘duh’ look, before swiping through his phone and calling Luke on video chat. It was only a couple of seconds before Luke answered and Grizz was graced with his best friend’s face upon his screen. He could tell Luke was walking down the hallway of his house.

 

“Grizz?” Luke asked.

 

“Lukey!” Grizz gasped, “aww Lukey. Wow, I missed you so much. It’s been so long. Like the longest time ever.”

 

“I saw you yesterday, buddy,” Luke laughed, “are you drunk? Or high? Or both?”

 

“I’m high on life, baby,” Grizz sang.

 

“That’s great. Is Gwen around?” Luke asked.

 

“Gwen’s over there,” Grizz said and flipped the phone around to show Gwen who was not paying them any attention at all and was just playing the game along with the others. Grizz flipped the screen back so Luke could see him instead.

 

“Listen,” Grizz spoke seriously, “I have something to tell you.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Sam Eliot is my boyfriend,” Grizz admitted, and he had his face so close to the phone that he was sure Luke could see right up his nose. 

 

“I know, Grizz. You told me,” Luke laughed.

 

“Oh, so you didn’t forget?” Grizz asked, sitting back a little.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Oh okay. Then I’m wasting my data on this call, aren’t I?” Grizz said, and without waiting for a reply from Luke, he hung up his phone. Grizz shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked up at Sam.

 

“What did he say?” Sam asked.

 

“He didn’t forget,” Grizz said.

 

“He’s such a good friend. Did he say anything about your hair?” Sam asked as he eyed his masterpiece.

 

Grizz shook his head and Sam pouted. Grizz watched his boyfriend in complete awe as his fascination with his hair continued. Sam played with the stray strands that weren’t long enough to go up before he pulled the hair tie off, letting all of Grizz’s hair go back to where it belonged. Sam snapped the hair tie onto his own wrist before smoothing out Grizz’s hair.

 

“I like it when you play with my hair,” Grizz said, but Sam wasn’t looking at his lips, so he didn’t catch any of that at all.

 

Sam was too distracted as he looked anywhere except at Grizz’s lips. Once again he leant forward and nuzzled his nose against Grizz’s softer than soft hair before placing his lips on his neck, slowly kissing up to below his ear.

 

“You smell really good,” Sam murmured.

 

Grizz sighed heavily as he closed his eyes. He basked in Sam’s touch, each connection feeling so lazy and soft, but at the same time what Grizz felt on the inside was amplified tenfold. His skin was numb, but _Sam_ coursed through his veins, and Grizz knew he was drunk and high and his mind was a little hazy, but he knew for sure that he was so desperately in love Sam Eliot and the boy could touch him like this for the rest of his life and Grizz would never complain.

 

The right side of Grizz’s neck was being littered with delicate kisses and the other side had Sam’s slender, but firm, fingers lightly digging into his skin. Grizz was in paradise. Sam slid his fingertips along Grizz’s warm skin until his got to his chest. He popped open the first two buttons of Grizz’s shirt and slid his hand beneath the material.

 

Grizz was floating, he was sure of it. He was somewhere tens of thousands of feet in the air on a cloud made out of pillows with only himself and Sam in existence. And he wanted Sam closer. He _needed_ Sam closer. He ran his hand up and down Sam’s thigh, gripping tightly, pulling him into him, but it wasn’t enough. And Sam, bless him, understood exactly what Grizz wanted because in the next moment, Sam was straddling Grizz, each leg on either side of him.

 

Grizz opened his eyes and while the entire world surrounding them was one big blur, he could see Sam as clear as day. He could see his baby blue eyes staring at his lips. He could see Sam’s own pink lips that were so kissable that Grizz thought it would be a damn shame if he didn’t go and do just that at any second.

 

Sam bit his bottom lip as he smiled at Grizz, his fingers once again combing through Grizz’s hair as he commented on it, “so soft. Like cotton candy. I wanna eat it.”

 

“You can’t eat that,” Grizz responded.

 

“I can try to eat other parts of you,” Sam suggested, and Grizz laughed, only stopping when a gasp escaped his lips as Sam tugged his hair back, his head going with the movement, exposing his neck. Sam’s fingers slid gingerly over the expanse of skin.

 

“I like your neck,” Sam said.

 

“Really?”

 

Sam nodded before he leant down and pressed a light kiss against Grizz’s sternum. His lips were soon replaced with a tongue as Sam slowly, and excruciatingly, licked a trail up Grizz’s collarbone, across his neck, all the way to his ear. Grizz impulsively rocked his hips up as a whimper escaped the back of his throat. That only seemed to encourage Sam more as he grinded slowly against him, almost to the beat of the music that Grizz could hear coming from upstairs. Sam nibbled on Grizz’s earlobe as he grinded against him with just that little bit of extra pressure that had Grizz going wild.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz groaned.

 

Sam pulled back, giving Grizz a questioning look.

 

“Did you say something?” Sam asked.

 

“I’m hard,” was the first thing Grizz could think of, and he had no filter at that point. Sam looked down and Grizz’s jeans were too tight for there to be any kind of noticeable movement down there, but boy could Grizz feel it because it was fucking uncomfortable.

 

Sam, with the most mischievous look in his eyes, placed his hand on the crotch of Grizz jeans and squeezed. Grizz gasped, snapping his eyes shut as he held back a moan, because Sam was fucking palming his bulge and Grizz was sure he was about to come right then and there in his pants.

 

“Hey!” Gwen’s voice broke through the bubble of the world Grizz had built up around himself and Sam. And fuck. They weren’t alone like Grizz imagined. There were other people in the room. He glanced passed Sam, who had no idea what was going on, at Gwen, who just looked amused as all hell, “you two need to cool off!”

 

Grizz nodded, because she was right, even if Grizz and Sam were both drunk, they could just hook up right then and there in front of all these people, even if none of them except Gwen seemed to be paying any attention.

 

Grizz took Sam’s wrist, stopping what he was doing before telling him, “Gwen says we need to cool off.”

 

“Oh my god, yes. Let’s go swimming,” Sam said out of nowhere.

 

“What?”

 

“I want to go swimming,” Sam repeated.

 

“Uh, okay,” was all Grizz said, a little confused.

 

Swimming? Really? When Grizz had such a painful boner in his jeans that desperately needed attention whether Sam was willing to give it to him or not? Grizz needed to sort out his problem, but he was so whipped for Sam that he just let Sam pull him up from the couch and lead him to the stairs.

 

Grizz glanced over at Gwen, his head spinning with the movement. She put up two thumbs, silently telling him it was okay for him to leave, and well, it wasn’t like Sam was going to take no for an answer because he was already dragging Grizz up the stairs. Grizz took each step carefully because he was certain if he lost focus for even a second that he’d stumble right back down them.

 

At the time Grizz didn’t really think he had that much to drink, despite the fact that he really had. Sure, he was light-headed and could feel the Earth moving beneath his feet, but being with Sam made everything seem so clear and it was the most sober he had felt in a long time. If only his feet got the memo.

 

Sam led Grizz through the crowd of people up on the ground floor, and Grizz could see outside through a glass sliding door. He saw the pool that had a few people in it already, and Grizz was ready to just do as Sam wanted and go for a swim, despite them not having a change of clothes with them because that was back at the van. But Sam didn’t lead Grizz outside. Instead, Grizz found himself following Sam up another set of stairs. He couldn’t even ask Sam where they were going because Sam wasn’t looking at him.

 

Grizz kept his fingers tightly locked around Sam’s as the two of them walked down a hallway, Sam pushing open doors as he went, until finally Sam pulled him into a room; a bathroom. Grizz stumbled in after him, and before he knew it, he was being pushed against the closed bathroom door. And Sam, well, Sam was standing really fucking close to Grizz as he reached past him and locked the door with a distinct click.

 

“I thought we were going swimming,” Grizz said.

 

“After.”

 

“After what?” Grizz slurred.

 

And Sam rolled his eyes at him, shaking his head at the boy’s stupid question before he stood up on his toes to catch Grizz’s lips with his. It was the first real kiss that Grizz had gotten from Sam in a long time, and the mere contact was enough to set off a fire inside the both of them, and from there, it was on.

 

Sam’s entire body pressed against Grizz’s, making the taller boy feel as though he was under complete control of his boyfriend. A whimper escaped his lips as Sam’s devoured them. And Grizz felt as though he was drowning in Sam and it was the best feeling in the world. In that one kiss, Grizz had never felt more wanted in his entire life. That was what Sam conveyed. He _meant_ the kiss. He really fucking meant it and Grizz just couldn’t contain himself any longer.

 

He took Sam’s face in his hands to keep him close before stepping forward. Sam easily followed his movements as they kept walking away from the door, until Sam’s back hit something. Sam did all the work, lifting himself up onto the bathroom counter behind him. He tangled his fingers in Grizz’s hair as the other boy forced himself between his legs.

 

Grizz could barely think properly about what do to, but he didn’t need to. _Sam_ was the one that hooked his thighs around Grizz’s hips to pull him in closer. _Sam_ was the one to take Grizz’s hands and place them on his hips, which Grizz was all too willing to oblige as he gripped them and pulled Sam right to the edge of the counter, flush against him. _Sam_ was the one to deepen the kiss, to bite Grizz’s bottom lip, to let their tongues glide together. Sam fucking _owned_ Grizz.

 

Sam arched his back, making his crotch grind against Grizz’s. The other boy couldn’t help yet another whimper force itself to his lips that were at Sam’s mercy. Grizz wondered if Sam had any idea what he was doing to him, how his mind seemed to stop, how his body just complied in an instant to whatever Sam was doing to him. Grizz wanted to make Sam feel like that, to completely take him apart. Grizz was going to keep that promise, only, not in that moment, because in that moment, he was Sam’s puppet.

 

Sam’s hands went wandering. Once in his hair, they left the disheveled mess and instead went to Grizz’s button-up shirt. With two buttons already undone from earlier, it didn’t take Sam long to undo the rest, and then those pesky hands of his were all over Grizz’s chest, stomach and back, touching every inch of Grizz, and Grizz was on fire.

 

Sam pulled back and Grizz chased his lips, letting out a whine when Sam pulled back again. Grizz looked him in the eyes, wondering what the big deal was because kissing Sam was the best damn drug he could get at this party and he didn’t want it to end.

 

“I fucking love this shirt,” Sam told him.

 

“I fucking love _you_ ,” Grizz countered. He went to kiss Sam again, but with a mischievous smile on his lips, Sam pulled back, almost hitting his head on the mirror behind him, but not quite. Grizz groaned, “why are you doing that?”

 

Sam just smiled before tilting his head to the side and biting his bottom lip. And well, Sam couldn’t just do _that_ and not expect Grizz to do something about it. He leant in and Sam didn’t stop him that time as he kissed his neck. Sam giggled and, damn it, it wasn’t supposed to be funny. He was supposed to turn Sam on. Or maybe, Sam was just really high.

 

Grizz gripped Sam’s hips and tugged him firmly against him. Grizz was so hard, and Sam would have to be numb from the waist down to not be able to feel Grizz against him. Grizz needed something, anything. He desperately kissed at Sam’s neck, biting and nipping at the soft skin, just wanting to somehow tell Sam just how worked up he was, but in the back of his mind he was sure that he already knew.

 

Grizz trailed his lips up his jawline and was going for his lips again when Sam put his hand to his chest and pushed him back. Grizz stumbled a little before holding onto Sam’s thighs to keep himself steady. He watched Sam with curiosity. Fuck, Sam was so hot. He sat there on the bathroom counter, his face flushed, his eyes dark, and yet he was still so much more put together than Grizz who was standing there with his hair a mess, his shirt half off, his jeans with a giant tent in them, and his face was so warm that he was sure he’d be as red as a tomato.

 

Grizz went to go at Sam again, but Sam slipped off the counter, his body sliding against Grizz’s, and their eyes not once leaving the other’s. With his hands firmly on Grizz’s chest again, Sam pushed him back, the taller boy stumbling the two steps until his back hit the wall behind him. And then Sam was on his knees.

 

“Fuck,” was all Grizz could get out as he looked down at his boyfriend. Just _fuck._ Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

 

“Can I?” Sam asked. Grizz had no words. All he could do was nod vigorously like an excited pre-teen.

 

Sam smirked before his gaze left Grizz’s. Sam, well aware that they were in a bathroom at a party and could be interrupted at any time, wasted no time in undoing Grizz’s belt, pulling down the zip and tugging his jeans down along with his boxers. Grizz couldn’t look down anymore. It was just too fucking hot seeing Sam on his knees like that for him.

 

For a split second Grizz was self-conscious of being naked in front of Sam but that thought quickly vanished when he felt Sam’s hand wrap around his width, quickly followed by his warm, wet lips circling around the head.

 

“Jesus Christ,” Grizz breathed out.

 

He shut his eyes, his head lulled back on the tiles because he knew that looking at Sam would make him come and he didn’t want it to be over within ten seconds. Grizz was so dizzy. All the blood had rushed from his head and he was sure he was going to fall over, but somehow, he managed to stay upright.

 

There was nothing slow or patient about it. Sam sucked Grizz right into his mouth, in, out, in and out, over and over, and Grizz barely had a second to try and compose himself. It wasn’t worth even trying. Sam had one mission; to get Grizz off, and he was doing a stellar fucking job. How was Sam this good? Grizz was certain Sam had never done this before, and Grizz had received a lot of blowjobs in his life, but none like this. None were as good as Sam.

 

Grizz gave in. He looked at his boyfriend and the sight made him weak at the knees. Sam was looking up at him, those baby blue eyes _watching_ him as he did _that_ , and oh fuck, Grizz was going to come, and he would have too, if Sam didn’t pull back in that moment. Grizz was at a loss for words.

 

“Am I doing it good?” Sam asked, the innocence dripping from every word, and what the fuck? _Good_? Good was a god damn understatement. Grizz could only nod, savoring the way Sam smiled at him. Sam held Grizz in his hand, slowly stroking back and forth, and while quick and fast was really damn good, slow was what Grizz wanted. He wanted to appreciate every little moment, but they couldn’t, because in that moment a loud knocking came from the other side of the door.

 

“Hurry up in there!” a girl’s shrill voice came from the other side. Grizz glanced over, glad the door was locked.

 

“There’s someone at the door,” Grizz told Sam.

 

“Are you close?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, and Sam just had that cheeky smile on his face before he leant forward, taking Grizz in his mouth again. Grizz kept watching Sam this time, taking mental snapshots of his boyfriend, the way his cheeks hollowed out, the way he looked up at Grizz, the way he tried to go a little deeper each time. Grizz couldn’t fucking handle it.

 

“Hello?! Hurry the fuck up!” the girl outside the door called once again.

 

“Fuck! I’ll be a minute!” Grizz called back. Fucking annoying girl.

 

Grizz ran his hands through Sam’s hair, getting his attention, and Sam didn’t even have to voice the question before Grizz nodded, because Grizz, thankfully, was really fucking close. He was expecting Sam to pull back, but he didn’t. He sucked harder, going deeper, and Grizz was going to lose it.

 

“Fuck, Sam,” Grizz panted, “fuck…you don’t…don’t have to…fuck.”

 

Sam was looking up at Grizz, and whether he caught what he was saying, Grizz didn’t know. All he knew was that the pressure that had been building was about to explode and he didn’t know how the fuck to sign to Sam that he was about to come. He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair again and the boy looked up at him.

 

“I’m about to,” Grizz told him.

 

Sam didn’t miss a beat, and suddenly the warmth of Sam’s mouth and the pressure was too much. Grizz tried to hold it back but he couldn’t. He saw stars as he came, still with Sam’s magic lips wrapped around him. Grizz latched onto the closest thing; the shower curtain, desperate to keep himself upright. He pulled it down as he lost his balance and slid down the wall to the floor, with Sam still on him, moving with him, sucking him, and fucking _swallowing_ at the same time, and Grizz was in pure awe of his boyfriend and how he did _that_.

 

“Oh my God, Sam,” Grizz breathed out, not that Sam was looking at him.

 

The impatient knock came at the door again, but Grizz didn’t care. When he was sure Grizz was well and truly done, Sam pulled back, still sitting on his knees in front of Grizz who was a complete mess, sitting there, jeans at his ankles, huffing and puffing like he just ran a marathon. All Sam did was smile sweetly, the little shit.

 

“They still at the door?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, because the obnoxious girl was still bashing at the door, probably just to be extra annoying, but Grizz didn’t care. Grizz’s entire focus was Sam.

 

Sam got to his feet and held his hand out, which Grizz took and he helped him to his feet. Sam gently pushed Grizz against the wall as he pulled Grizz’s jeans and boxers up, doing them and the belt up for him. Grizz felt a little like a child but he adored the way Sam was looking after him, because he was so out of it at that point that he wasn’t sure if his brain could send the right signal to his hands to actually dress himself.

 

“This can stay undone,” Sam said, gesturing to Grizz’s shirt.

 

Grizz just nodded, not registering what he said because he had something else on his mind, “where did you learn to do that?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“That. All of that,” Grizz said.

 

Sam shrugged, “google.”

 

“You’re gonna need to send me links to those websites,” Grizz said.

 

Sam just smiled at him and took his hand, leading him to the bathroom door. As he unlocked and opened it, Grizz didn’t even care about the couple of people standing outside it, waiting with the bitchiest looks on their faces that turned to disgusted pretty quick when they probably clued in to what was going on.

 

“All yours,” Grizz said with a grin.

 

The girl merely scoffed and rolled her eyes before going into the bathroom and slamming the door behind her. Grizz and Sam glanced at each other and broke out into laughter as they headed down the hall, away from the scene of the crime.

 

Sam lead Grizz downstairs, back to where the party was, where no one had any idea of what they just did, and it made Grizz feel like, well, a regular eighteen year old. For years he had seen Luke sneak off with Helena, or Clark go off with Gwen, or Jason go off with his girl of the month, at every single party they went to and Grizz had never experienced that before, where he could actually disappear with his boyfriend and fool around and walk back out like nothing had happened. For years Grizz was the jealous one who just sat around and waited for his friends to come back out, and now he knew what it was like to be like them.

 

Grizz squeezed Sam’s hand a little harder and the boy turned, to look at him.

 

“I love you,” Grizz told him.

 

“I bet you say that to all the boys who blow you,” Sam joked.

 

“All the boys?” Grizz scoffed, “you’re the only one and you know it.”

 

Sam just grinned wider, glancing away from Grizz in a way that made him look all shy, and Grizz loved it. Sam’s eyes landed back on his with a curious gleam.

 

“So, you still wanna go for that swim?” Sam asked.

 

“I think I wanna do for you what you did for me,” Grizz said, because he felt a little selfish and God did he want to make Sam feel how he just felt.

 

“Later, come on,” Sam said as he walked backwards towards the glass sliding doors, taking Grizz with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks!!! for!!! reading!!! <3


	35. Eyes bluer than water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 35 recap: Party time at Yale! Sam and Grizz threw back a few drinks and got comfortable in their relationship once more, which resulted in Sam taking Grizz into a bathroom and getting down on his knees.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead

Apparently, everyone had the same idea when it came to the pool. It was like a pool party, not a house party, not that Sam and Grizz minded. They jumped in fully clothed, mostly because Sam, the cheeky shit, tackled Grizz in, only taking a second to take his phone out of his pocket and dumping it on the ground near the edge of the pool.

 

Gwen, Seth and the others even ended up in there, and Grizz didn’t plan on drinking more, but pretty soon shots were being handed around again, and Grizz had been in such a good mood that night that he just went along with it, and so did Sam. Grizz couldn’t remember the last time he had that much fun.

 

Eventually though, people started leaving the pool one by one. The supply of alcohol became thinner and thinner until whoever was so liberally handing it out stopped doing so, and that was probably for the best because Grizz thought that if he had one more drink then he might have been sick. He was done for the night, and well, Gwen had actually lectured them and told them no more as well. Sam was doing a lot better than Grizz was. He looked as though he could have another ten shots, then again, they were in the pool and they’d probably only realize just how wasted they were when they’d get out.

 

Grizz watched Sam a few feet away, floating on his back and looking up at the stars in wonder. Grizz did a lot of that in the past hour; watch Sam. Watch Sam dancing the best he could in the water along with the masses of other people that had joined them. Watch Sam’s lips wrap around bottles of beer. Watch Sam smile. Watch Sam laugh. Watch Sam talk to Gwen which had Grizz all excited about finally telling the rest of his friends about him and having them be friends with Sam too. Grizz just liked watching Sam. It was his favorite thing to do.

 

“Hey,” Gwen spoke as she swam over to Grizz and wrapped her arms his neck from behind, “Seth and I are gonna head back to his dorm.”

 

“You gon’ be okay?” Grizz asked, and he would turn to talk to her but he didn’t want to take his eyes off Sam.

 

“Yes,” Gwen giggled, “I want to go back with him. Are you and Sam going to be okay?”

 

“Mhmm, more than,” Grizz nodded.

 

“If I leave you the keys for the van you promise me you won’t drive it?” Gwen asked.

 

“Promise.”

 

“Okay, I’m gonna put them next to your phone. You remember where we parked?” Gwen asked.

 

“Down the street,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Good. I’ll be back in the morning. Be safe, okay?” she insisted.

 

“Yes ma’am.”

 

“And use a condom,” she joked. Grizz rolled his eyes and turned to face her.

 

“‘m not havin’ sex with him while we’re drunk,” Grizz’s words slurred together but Gwen seemed to understand him.

 

“You told me he blew you in the bathroom,” she pointed out.

 

“That’s different,” Grizz argued.

 

“Not to some people. Just stop and think before you do anything, okay?” she asked, her eyes boring into Grizz’s and yes, Grizz was drunk, but he wasn’t drunk enough to not know what he was doing or thinking.

 

“You too though,” Grizz said, glancing behind her at Seth who was sitting on the side of the pool.

 

“Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl. And I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” she offered, and Grizz nodded.

 

Gwen let go of him and he watched her swim over to the edge. Grizz followed, eyeing up Seth who, yes, Grizz had concluded was a good guy, but he still didn’t really _know_ him.

 

“Hey, if you hurt her, there’s a whole fuckin’ football team back in West Ham waiting for you, got it?” Grizz tried to put on his most intimidating expression, but considering he was in a pool probably looking like a drowned rat, that most likely didn’t work.

 

“Noted. I’ll take care of her,” Seth said.

 

“Good. I have eyes everywhere,” Grizz said, and Gwen merely splashed him as she hoisted herself up out of the pool while Seth laughed at the comment. Little did he know, Grizz was dead serious about getting the football team on his ass if he hurt one little hair on Gwen’s head.

 

Grizz watched the two of them as they left before turning back to Sam. It was oddly quiet out there now. Everyone had left the pool; Sam and Grizz being the only two stubborn enough to stay in. They weren’t the only ones outside though. There were still people mingling by the edge of the pool, or sitting in the grass talking. The music had been turned down significantly, probably because it was already the early hours of the morning and they would have gotten noise complaints.

 

Grizz submerged himself under the water and swam towards his boyfriend. He popped up right next to him and shook his hair, droplets of water flinging everywhere, mostly on Sam’s face. Grimacing, Sam stopped floating on his back and stood in the water instead, before splashing Grizz, and Grizz splashed him right back. The water fight only ended when Grizz took Sam’s wrist, stopping the next attack.

 

Sam gave him a challenging glare before changing his tune and moving closer to Grizz. With ease, he wrapped his legs around Grizz’s hips and back, and Grizz let go of his wrists because, well, he’d rather have Sam hanging onto him completely, like a koala. Grizz slid his arms around Sam’s back, holding him as close as possible.

 

The two boys bobbed up and down in the water slowly, their eyes not losing contact with the others. Grizz had never felt more content in his entire life. He was at peace. It was funny how almost every moment with Sam made him feel that way, and when he thought it couldn’t get any better, it just did. He didn’t think he could fall even more in love with Sam, and yet there he was, staring into his beautiful eyes and thinking about how happy he was.

 

“Your eyes are bluer than the water,” Grizz told him.

 

“What?”

 

“Your eyes are bluer than the water,” Grizz repeated once Sam was looking at his lips instead.

 

“But water is clear,” Sam pointed out.

 

Grizz got ready to argue before stopping when he realized that Sam wasn’t wrong, “what the fuck, you’re right.”

 

Sam smiled and nodded, “I always am.”

 

“Your eyes are still really blue though,” Grizz told him, because it was the most gorgeous color he had ever seen.

 

“You have really pretty eyelashes,” Sam said before he covered Grizz’s eyes with his hand.

 

“Now I can’t see you,” Grizz pouted.

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

And then Sam’s lips were pressed gently against his. Grizz was quick to open his mouth and invite Sam to explore further, and Sam did, lazily letting his tongue glide against Grizz’s. Sam removed his hand from Grizz’s eyes, but Grizz didn’t open them. He just kept kissing Sam languidly as Sam played with his hair.

 

The entire night felt so surreal and magical. Grizz loved it, but he was also afraid that at any moment the bubble could burst. They’d have to go home eventually and get back to reality, but at least they had this one night, and hopefully a lot more like it in the future. Grizz was going to make sure of it. He knew there was nothing else in the world that he wanted other than Sam and he wasn’t letting it go.

 

Sam’s lips left his, but they stayed close, their eyes closed and noses touching. Grizz kissed his boyfriend’s cheek as Sam cuddled in closer. It was perfect, and Grizz could have stayed there forever, if he hadn’t heard the distinct sound of Sam’s chattering teeth.

 

“You’re cold,” Grizz pulled back and once Sam was looking at him repeated, “you’re cold.”

 

“I’m okay,” Sam assured him.

 

“We should get out,” Grizz suggested.

 

Sam whined and shook his head, “I want to stay.”

 

Spinning Sam around in the water and heading back to the ladder that lead out of the pool, Grizz shook his head too, not accepting that, “You’re too cold. We can go back to the van and change into warm clothes.”

 

Sam contemplated it, not that he had a choice when Grizz had already decided that they were leaving. The shivering boy nodded anyway just as Grizz got to the edge of the pool. Grizz reluctantly let go of Sam and pulled himself out first, and fuck, his head was spinning so much. He hadn’t noticed it in the pool, but being on solid land just made it all the more obvious. All Grizz wanted to do was lay down.

 

Grizz held out a hand to help Sam out of the pool and once he was, he stumbled against Grizz, and it was more than obvious that the two had to head to bed.

 

“You okay?” Grizz asked him.

 

Sam just smiled and nodded before wrapping his arms around Grizz’s neck and pulling him down for a kiss. Grizz took Sam’s face in his hands and kissed him back, and surprisingly the world stopped spinning for just a moment.

 

“Get a room!” someone shouted, and Grizz didn’t know who they were, but they were right. He pulled back and took Sam’s hand. The two of them gathered their phones and the keys to the van before heading around the side of the house.

 

Being out of the pool and in the cool air of the night just made them ten times colder, not that Grizz really felt the cold all that much, but he knew Sam did. It wasn’t even a cold night, but since they were both soaking wet, it didn’t really help. Grizz managed to not stumble all over the place, and that was just sheer determination to get Sam into warm clothes and under blankets, and preferably, his own warm body against his.

 

They headed down the street to where he remembered they left the van. The plan had always been for Gwen to go back to the dorms, which were only a short Uber ride away, and Grizz and Sam were just going to stay in the van for the night.

 

Grizz unlocked the back door when they got to the van, opening it up wide, and remembered what Gwen had told him about the lights her brother had installed. He flicked the switch located on the top right hand corner near the doors and, just like Gwen said they would, the van became illuminated with twinkle lights.

 

Thankfully, the back of the van had no windows so the boys at least had their privacy and weren’t at risk of police driving by and finding them asleep in there, because Grizz didn’t know if that was illegal or not. He didn’t really care at that point.

 

In front of the two boys was a blow up mattress covered in pillows and blankets, courtesy of Gwen who thankfully seemed to have put fresh sheets and pillows in there, because Grizz had heard the stories of all the girls Gwen’s brother brought back there.

 

“So, this is how I’m gonna lose my virginity, huh?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz was sure his neck snapped in at least three places as he turned to Sam, because what?

 

“I’m kidding,” Sam said, not even looking at Grizz. Sam just knew exactly how Grizz was looking at him. Grizz sighed a little in relief, and it wasn’t that he didn’t _want_ to have sex with Sam. It was just that drunk in the back of Gwen’s brother’s van wasn’t what he imagined.

 

Grizz had questions though. He turned to Sam and touched the side of his face, making him look at him.

 

“Is that something you want?” Grizz asked, suddenly feeling a lot more sober than he actually was. He knew Sam had been joking but now was as good a time as any to bring it up, not that Grizz planned on having the conversation turn so serious.

 

Sam’s gaze fell, unable to look Grizz in the eyes as he answered, “I mean…maybe…soon. Not now, but…we could…work our way up to it?”

 

Grizz smiled down at him, even though Sam was still avoiding his gaze. Grizz found it kind of cute. Grizz brought his fingertips to Sam’s chin and made him look up. The other boy’s eyes fell to Grizz’s lips, as usual.

 

“Soon, huh?” Grizz teased a little.

 

“Shut up, I’m nervous,” Sam grumbled.

 

“Of?”

 

“What it’ll feel like,” Sam spoke with an honesty that Grizz wholeheartedly understood, “but I want you, Grizz. I want that, really bad. But I don’t want it to just be you fucking me while drunk, you know?”

 

Grizz cheeks heated at Sam’s choice of words, but he pushed back those thoughts as he answered him, “when…or if, we do it…I’ll take care of you, okay? We can take care of each other. It’ll be good, real good.”

 

Sam bit his bottom lip as he once again couldn’t look Grizz in the eyes, and it was unlike Sam to get shy while talking about the physical side of things, so Grizz found it a little endearing that he was getting shy about that. Grizz had thought about sex with Sam. Before the trip, literally the night before, Grizz wondered if they would go that far, and in all honestly, Grizz had expected to first have sex with a guy once he got to college, but Sam changed everything. It was so easy for Grizz to jump straight into bed with girl after girl, but Sam was so much different. He needed it to mean something. They both did, because this wasn’t just a hook up. It wasn’t just a bit of fun.

 

“I think I’m still high,” Grizz said, mostly to himself since Sam wasn’t looking at him. He usually got pretty deep when he was high and it was late.

 

Making Sam look at him again, Grizz spoke, “get undressed. You’re still shivering.”

 

Sam nodded and did as he was told, taking off his shirt first. It was late enough that Grizz was sure there would be no one around watching them. Grizz reached into the back of the van and dragged over his and Sam’s backpacks to look for dry clothes. Sam undressed completely first and Grizz took one of the many blankets from the pile so Sam could get as dry as he could. Digging through his bag for clothes, Sam ended up only slipping on a pair of boxers.

 

“Wear this,” Grizz offered up his own hoodie to Sam who shook his head, rejecting it.

 

“You can warm me up,” Sam said with an innocent smile before he climbed into the van and across the blow-up mattress. Grizz watched as he buried himself under the blankets, and all Grizz wanted to do was join him, so he quickly ripped off his wet clothes, throwing them onto the roof of the van to hopefully dry out, and slipped on a pair of underwear.

 

Grizz was actually a little cold himself, just a little. He was quick to climb into the van and shut and lock the doors behind him. Grizz left the twinkle lights on for Sam’s benefit, and crawled over to him, edging under the blankets and onto the mattress that was too small for the two of them, but Grizz didn’t mind one bit because it just meant he had to cuddle up as close as he could to Sam.

 

The two boys faced each other, and Grizz relished in the feel of Sam’s freezing skin quickly thawing out as he rubbed his hand up and down his arm and back. Sam smiled like an angel as he slid his leg between Grizz’s, tangling the two of them together. Grizz close his eyes for a moment as Sam touched the side of his face, gingerly stroking his cheek. Perfect.

 

“My lips are cold too, you know?” Sam said, and Grizz couldn’t help but laugh as he opened his eyes, because of course Sam had some sort of line for everything.

 

“Really?” Grizz asked, hiding his smile.

 

“Yep,” Sam gave a quick nod, his gaze, as always, on Grizz’s lips, but Grizz had noticed the way he looked at his lips when he wanted to see what he was saying was a completely different look to the one when Sam wanted to kiss him.

 

Grizz could only give the boy what he wanted. He moved closer and pressed his lips to Sam’s, which actually were pretty damn cold. And he kept kissing Sam until his lips warmed up, and maybe, if Grizz was being honest, just a little longer than that. It was a nice kiss, a slow one, with no intent at all. Grizz just loved kissing Sam and that was that.

 

“Are you tired?” Sam asked against Grizz’s lips.

 

Grizz pulled back a little to shake his head and ask, “are you?”

 

“No,” Sam whispered as he tangled his fingers in Grizz’s hair, playing with the strands. “This reminds me of the school camping trip.”

 

“The one where you snuck into my tent because Gordie was annoying you,” Grizz remembered fondly.

 

“And you kept me warm.”

 

“And I told you I’m gay. First time I ever said that to anyone,” Grizz murmured the last part. That felt like such a long time ago.

 

“Wanna know a secret?” Sam whispered.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Gordie doesn’t actually kick in his sleep. I lied,” Sam confessed, and Grizz thought back to that night and if Sam had eluded to that or not, and he didn’t think he did. Grizz was confused. 

 

“Why?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes as he chuckled, “because I wanted to spend time with you because I had a crush on you, dummy.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Grizz asked.

 

“I didn’t even know you were gay,” Sam said. 

 

“Can’t believe you lied like that. So sneaky,” Grizz said with narrowed eyes.

 

Sam merely smiled and nodded, accepting the comment. Grizz was amazed. He knew Sam liked him not long after they started talking, but it didn’t even occur to him that he lied to get into his tent that night, and Grizz wondered what would have happened if he had known Sam liked him too. Would they have had their first kiss that night? Grizz supposed it didn’t matter that much anymore because they were boyfriends now and could kiss each other all they wanted. Speaking of…

 

Grizz brought his hand up to Sam’s cheek and caressed it lightly before connecting their lips again. Sam tightened his fist in Grizz’s hair, and all of a sudden, their kisses weren’t so sweet and innocent. They were making out, and Grizz wasn’t sure if Sam made that happen, or if he had. He also wasn’t sure if he climbed on top of Sam, or if Sam had shifted himself under Grizz, but either way, that happened too.

 

The entire length of Grizz’s body weighed down upon Sam’s, fitting into every dip and crevice like a couple of puzzle pieces. Grizz felt hot, from head to toe. He was burning up, and well, that was how he normally felt when he was that close to Sam. The thing was though, Grizz wasn’t focusing on himself. He wasn’t focused on how he was getting harder by the second against Sam’s thigh, because in that moment his own pleasure didn’t matter. He just wanted to make Sam feel good, just like Sam had done for him earlier that night.

 

Grizz rocked his body against Sam’s, the other boy moaning against Grizz’s lips as he tightened his fingers around his messy locks. It was a quick change to the lazy, comfortable way they had kissed just moments before their conversation, but still, Grizz didn’t want it to all happen too quickly. He wanted Sam to feel good, and he wanted him to be able to remember every second of it.

 

Grizz pushed himself up and looked down at Sam whose eyes fluttered open with a curious gaze.

 

“What you did for me in the bathroom, I wanna do it for you,” Grizz said, and it was a plea for his permission.

 

“You don’t have to,” Sam said.

 

“I want to, like really fucking bad. Can I?” Grizz asked, no, almost begged, because he wanted this so bad. He wanted to do _everything_ with Sam, to Sam, if he would let him.

 

Sam bit his bottom lip as a smile graced his gorgeous face. He sat up and kissed Grizz, silencing any thoughts of doubt. Sam wanted this. Grizz put his weight on Sam once more, forcing him back to the mattress as their tongues playfully melded together. Grizz slowed it down, trying not to get too carried away, but somehow that only turned him on even more, and he had to remind himself that this was about Sam.

 

Grizz was so unbelievably in love with Sam and wanted to get to know every inch of his body and how it reacted. Yes, Grizz’s mind was a little blurry and he wasn’t entirely sure what details he would remember in the morning, but he still tried to log each little sound and movement Sam made, and what exactly made him do that.

 

Grizz took note of each spot on Sam’s neck and collarbone he would kiss, how some areas had Sam gasping, and some had him arching his back and rocking himself against Grizz. He took note of what exactly made Sam that little bit harder against his thigh; like the way Grizz nipped at Sam’s nipple while he kissed down his chest. That wasn’t something Grizz intended to do, but in the moment he couldn’t help it. He adored how Sam’s skin broke out in shivers and goosebumps everywhere Grizz’s hands explored. Grizz was in love with Sam’s body and no one else could ever compare.

 

Grizz kissed further down Sam’s torso, his nose gliding along his stomach, making Sam giggle as he tried to push Grizz’s head away from the area gently. Sam was ticklish. Noted. Grizz kept going down and the further down his littering of kisses got, the more nervous he became, because he had never done this before. Ever. He had gone down on girls before, but it was different, so fucking different in more ways than one, like with the obvious anatomy differences to Sam and the people he’s been with, and the fact that he actually cares about Sam and the goal of making him feel good.

 

What if Grizz was terrible at it?

 

“You’ll do fine,” Sam’s voice came out of nowhere.

 

Grizz looked up at Sam who was propped on his elbows, looking down at him. Grizz didn’t even realize he had paused or how long he had been like that for, or how long Sam had been watching him as he had his internal battle.

 

“Tell me if I’m doing it wrong,” Grizz requested.

 

Sam tilted his head to the side with a soft smile, “nothing you could do to me would ever be wrong.”

 

Sam had said those exact words to Grizz before, the first time they got physical, and that turned out okay. Being with Sam like that felt like second nature, so he could only hope he could get a good read on whether Sam liked what he was doing or not. Judging by the tent pitched in the boxers, he liked it very much.

 

Grizz returned the boy’s smile and got right back to it. He tugged on the waistline of Sam’s boxer’s and trailed his lips along his hipbone. Sam squirmed, and all Grizz wanted was for him to do it again. He wanted to make Sam come completely undone at his hands, and his lips, and his tongue. Grizz licked slowly along his boyfriend’s hip, pulling the boxers further down.

 

“Just take them off,” Sam said impatiently.

 

Grizz did as he was told because he was a sucker for him. He pulled the flimsy material down to Sam’s knees, and couldn’t help but size Sam up, checking him out and think about how god damn lucky he was to have landed someone as attractive as Sam was. There was nothing about Sam’s body that Grizz could fault. He glanced up, seeing Sam still propped up on his elbows, looking down at him with an unsure expression.

 

“You’re really fucking hot,” Grizz said, resulting in the other boy blushing and laying back down, covering his face with his arms. Grizz turned his attention back to the task at hand, and sure, he could have gotten straight to it, but he was busy worshipping Sam’s body.

 

Grizz was a fan of Sam’s thighs. That was something he realized only in that moment as he was up close, and he took his time with them, littering each side with kisses and tiny bites, so many tiny bites because with every one Sam gave a little gasp and Grizz was addicted to hearing it. When Sam began squirming a little too much, Grizz decided it was time to inch closer, and closer to what both boys really wanted to get to.

 

Grizz wrapped his hand around Sam’s length first, stroking slowly, and feeling how hard he was only boosted Grizz’s confidence, and then he couldn’t help himself. Grizz licked one long stripe from base to tip, watching Sam as he did so and noticing the way his breathing got heavier.

 

 “Grizz…I swear to fuck, don’t tease,” Sam begged with his arms still covering his face.

 

Grizz wouldn’t any longer. He wrapped his lips around Sam’s tip and took him into his mouth. Sam groaned as he lifted his hips in a desperate attempt for more, which only encouraged Grizz more as he sped up, just a fraction, bobbing his head up and down. Judging by the noises Sam made, he was doing the right thing.

 

There was something so incredibly erotic about doing this to Sam, and Grizz had always had it ingrained into his mind that other people thought doing this was wrong, that a boy and boy being sexual was _wrong_ and yet, touching Sam, having his mouth wrapped around Sam, hearing Sam pant and moan, well, there was nothing wrong about it at all. There was nothing shameful about it. The world could go fuck itself.

 

Sam tangled his fingers in Grizz’s hair, tightening his grip with every second that went by. He bucked his hips to the point where Grizz had to physically pin him down, and it was just so unbelievably hot. Grizz was so turned on, but it wasn’t about him. He was finding a lot more enjoyment watching Sam writhe and moan because of him.

 

“Close,” Sam whispered after, well, not long enough for Grizz’s liking because he was having a damn good time, but Grizz also wasn’t cruel, so there was no way he was going to hold back and drag it out. He wanted Sam to come.

 

“Grizz…seriously…Grizz…” Sam panted, and the fingers that had been intertwined with Grizz’s hair tugged at the strands in warning, but Grizz wasn’t going to stop. He wanted to taste Sam. He wanted to experience what Sam had. He just wanted everything.

 

Grizz took Sam’s hand and held it against the blow up mattress, and Sam wrapped his fingers around Grizz’s, squeezing them tighter and tighter. Sam rocked his hips as he let out a moan so indecent that Grizz’s own cheeks burned red. Sam was loud and Grizz found that so damn endearing, but at the same time was glad they were in a van in the middle of the night with no one around.

 

“Grizz, fuck,” Sam said, and it was the last warning Grizz got before Sam came. And Grizz had always wondered if it would be weird or if he would be grossed out, but he wasn’t, not in the slightest. In fact, it was probably the hottest thing Grizz had ever done, and he knew it was all because it was Sam.

 

Grizz only stopped when he was sure Sam was done. He pulled back and looked up at his boyfriend who was staring at the van ceiling with the glow of twinkle lights in his eyes. Grizz pulled Sam’s boxers back up to their rightful place before he crawled back up, his body half on his boyfriend’s.

 

Their eyes locked, and the second they did, they both started laughing; Sam because, judging by the level of red in his cheeks, was a bit shy and couldn’t help but break the tension with a laugh, and the smile on his face was so infectious that Grizz followed suit. Also, maybe they were still a bit drunk and high.

 

“Don’t look at me,” Sam covered Grizz’s eyes with his hands. The other boy shook his head before dipping down to give his boyfriend a reassuring kiss on his neck. He could practically feel the smile on Sam’s face as their cheeks brushed together. Once again, Grizz looked down at Sam, basking in his beauty.

 

“So…you like that?” Grizz asked him.

 

“No. Hated it. It was terrible,” Sam deadpanned.

 

“You’re mean,” Grizz poked his side.

 

“I’m kidding. That was…yeah…” Sam trailed off, smile clear on his pink lips.

 

“I want to do that all the time,” Grizz said.

 

“Now who’s the horny one?” Sam accused.

 

Grizz shrugged, “fine, we won’t do it all the time.”

 

“No!” Sam protested, and the next moment, as if to prove a point, his hand was finding its way to Grizz’s underwear, but Grizz was still adamant that it wasn’t about him. He wanted to make Sam feel good and he didn’t want anything in return, so he took Sam’s wrist, stopping him.

 

“Why?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz merely shook his head and gestured for Sam to roll onto his side. Sam frowned but did as he was told, and Grizz pulled the blankets back over them before settling next to Sam’s body, his chest to Sam’s back, his arm around his waist and his face buried into his neck, just how it was meant to be.

 

“You’re still hard,” Sam pointed out as he wriggled against Grizz, and yes, Grizz was, but he’d survive. He put his finger to Sam’s lips, trying to tell him to shut up.

 

“I’ll just blow you in the morning,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shook his head and covered Sam’s entire mouth with his hand. Sam huffed, but he didn’t fight Grizz, and soon Grizz settled his hand on Sam’s chest instead as he held him close. Grizz’s entire body felt heavy, and even though he was so hyper-aware of everything that just happened, he knew he was still drunk, and Sam was too, and Gwen would probably be waking them up in only a few hours and they needed sleep.

 

Grizz waited for Sam to fall asleep first, which happened pretty quickly, and Grizz waited for at least an hour, just enjoying being able to hold Sam like that with nothing and no one to interrupt them, before he finally fell asleep himself.

 

\---

 

The next morning Grizz woke to the sound of someone throwing up. After taking less than a second to realize Sam wasn’t beside him, he sat up, his head spinning and painful. So god damn painful, but that didn’t matter to him because Sam was, as always, his priority. Squinting in the light of the open back door of the van, Grizz could see a figure hunched over on the side of the road.

 

“Sam?” Grizz’s voice croaked and after realizing his mistake crawled out of the van, landing his two feet on solid ground.

 

Sure enough, there Sam was, doubled over on the side of the road, puking. Grizz went over, kneeling down beside him before gently resting his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Sam flinched before looking up at Grizz, and when he did his eyes went wide in horror.

 

“Don’t look at me like this!” Sam pushed Grizz, and he was feeling so dizzy that he just let his body fall to the road. Everything in Grizz’s head was a complete mess, everything except what they had done last night.

 

Grizz lay on the ground, at the back of the van, just a little away from Sam to give him some sort of privacy, but he also didn’t want to leave Sam alone. It was Grizz’s head that was apparently the most affected, and poor Sam, the alcohol must have gotten to his stomach.

 

Soon, Sam went quiet, and Grizz grimaced as he looked up and the natural light attacked his eyes once more. Sam had gotten up and was crawling back into the back of the van. Grizz got up too, chasing after the boy who huddled under the blankets. Grizz crawled over the top of Sam and gently made him turn his head to look at him. Sam pouted, scrunching his face up in embarrassment.

 

“Sorry,” Sam said.

 

“Don’t be. Are you okay?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shook his head, “I’m never drinking again.”

 

“That’s what they all say,” Grizz said. He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, not at all bothered by the fact he just saw him throwing up. At least they were even on that account.

 

“I wanna die,” Sam sulked.

 

“Well, you’re not allowed,” Grizz managed a smile despite how terrible he was feeling.

 

Grizz situated himself next to Sam, wrapping his arm around his waist and burying his face in his neck. Closing his eyes, Grizz was sure he could have fallen right back asleep then and there, if it wasn’t for Gwen’s awful timing.

 

“Okay, who threw up?” her voice was like daggers into Grizz’s skull. He just wanted to sleep there with Sam, but instead, he found himself pushing up from the blow up mattress.

 

“Sam,” Grizz answered. He looked at the back of the van and sure enough Gwen was standing there with her nose scrunched up in disgust, but that wasn’t all. Gwen had been crying. Grizz rushed over to her, swinging his legs out of the van and standing, looking down at her.

 

“What the fuck did he do?” Grizz asked, taking her face in his hands to assess if there was anything else wrong.

 

“Nothing,” Gwen laughed with a roll of her eyes, “saying goodbye was just hard.”

 

“Oh,” Grizz relaxed a little, “well, why say goodbye so early? You can spend the entire day with him.”

 

“Grizz, it’s four in the afternoon,” she pointed out.

 

And, oh? Was it? It didn’t feel like it at all.

 

“Anyway,” Gwen spoke as she rifled through a bag she was holding, “water, ibuprofen. Have at it.”

 

Grizz gratefully took the water and turned back to Sam who was sitting up watching them.

 

“Drink,” Grizz ordered and handed him a bottle. Sam merely nodded, looking like an absolute mess, but he was _Grizz’s_ absolute mess. Grizz chugged his own water, popping a few pills too in a desperate attempt to cease his headache.

 

“I’ll start the van up, and for God’s sake, put some clothes on,” Gwen said.

 

Grizz looked down having not noticed that he, in fact, was in his underwear. Gwen left the boys and Grizz heard her get in the front seat of the van. Grizz found his bag and quickly found some clothes, throwing them on hastily because it was a damn miracle as it was that no one had walked down the street and seen him already. Sam did the same, although a little slower.

 

“Are we going?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz just nodded as Sam joined him on the side of the road. Grizz slammed the doors shut and turned to Sam. He took his face in his hands, gingerly stroking his freckled cheeks.

 

“Are you okay?” Grizz asked him again.

 

“I guess,” Sam shrugged.

 

“Did you at least have fun last night?” Grizz asked him.

 

Sam smiled, his cheeks tinting pink as he nodded.

 

“Did you?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz grinned.

 

“No regrets?” Sam asked.

 

“God no, you?”

 

“No way.”

 

Grizz pulled Sam in for a hug, loving the way the boy cuddled into him. The moment was only ruined by Gwen beeping the horn and yelling at them to hurry up. Grizz sighed, pulling out of the hug.

 

“Gwen’s hurrying us,” Grizz told him.

 

“Back to reality,” Sam said sadly.

 

“Yep,” Grizz confirmed with a heavy heart, “back to reality.”


	36. Coming out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 35 recap: Grizz and Sam continued their night at Yale- getting high and drunk and resulting in them getting a little frisky in the back of Gwen's brother's van. But now it's back to reality.

Grizz had Sam pinned to the bed, his fingers locked tightly around his boyfriend’s wandering hands in a desperate attempt to make him behave. Their lips locked together in what Grizz kept telling himself would be their last kiss of the night, but he also told himself that twelve kisses ago. That was it, the last one, for sure, because Grizz had plans. He pulled back and looked down at the red-headed beauty beneath him.

 

“I gotta go. I’m serious,” Grizz said when Sam’s eyes fell on him.

 

“Ditched for the friends. Ditched for _Clark,_ ” Sam said in mock annoyance.

 

Grizz let go of one of Sam’s wrists to count on his fingers as he listed all the reasons why that comment was not okay, “one, that’s not even funny. Two, you had me all weekend to yourself. Three, I told them I’d hang out so I can’t bail. Four, I promised _Luke_ , not Clark. And five, you’re hanging out with your friends anyway.”

 

“You’re sexy when you count,” Sam grinned as he sat up and caught Grizz’s lips with his _again_. Grizz should have left half an hour ago, but every time he tried, this happened.

 

Grizz melted against his boyfriend and it was the moment of weakness Sam needed to turn the tables, flipping Grizz over onto his back and getting on top of him. All Grizz really wanted to do was stay there for the rest of the night, but he was determined to go to Luke’s. It took him all day at school battling with himself internally to find the courage to come out to his friends, and it was happening that night, and Grizz really, really had to go.

 

Grizz pushed at Sam’s chest, who sat back with an annoyed huff which Grizz promptly ignored. For a split second Grizz thought that maybe he’d just wait for another night to come out to his friends, but he knew in the back of his mind that procrastination wouldn’t get him anywhere.

 

“I’m coming out to Helena and Jason tonight. You know that. I don’t want to chicken out now,” Grizz told him. Sam sighed and buried his face in Grizz’s neck, kissing it a few times before finally pulling away and getting off his lap.

 

“Fine, fine,” Sam muttered, “but my offer is still open. You can come to Becca’s house too.”

 

It was Becca’s birthday and she was having a movie night at her house with Sam, Kelly, Gordie and Cassandra. Grizz was invited but he turned down the offer because he already told Luke he’d hang out with them. Mostly, Grizz wasn’t really sure about just how ready he was to come out to people that weren’t exactly his friends. It all depended on how Helena and Jason took it.

 

Coming out to Sam and Becca was fine; Sam being gay himself and Becca being the best friend of Sam, so she was already accepting. Grizz was closer to Luke and Gwen than the others so of course they were okay with who he was, and Clark, well that was a whole other mess. Grizz was so unsure about how Helena and Jason would take it. He had been friends with them for a while, but he was only friends with Helena because she was dating Luke, and he and Jason had never been super close.

 

“We’ll see,” Grizz finally spoke as he sat up and shuffled closer to Sam, “but I’m late now so I really gotta go.”

 

“Boo, you suck,” Sam said.

 

Grizz just rolled his eyes at his boyfriend before getting off the bed. He picked his hoodie up from the ground which had been discarded by Sam earlier, and did up his belt, which, again, Sam’s fault, and Grizz had specifically told him there would be no fooling around that afternoon so it was Sam’s own fault if he was all worked up.

 

As Grizz pulled his shoes on, he locked eyes with Sam who was pouting with his arms crossed. Grizz just went over and planted his lips gently upon Sam’s. Sam didn’t kiss him back.

 

‘I love you,’ Grizz signed as he pulled back.

 

“I love you too,” Sam gave in, “text me.”

 

“Will do.”

 

They kissed again, only that time Sam kissed him back, really giving something for Grizz’s mind to linger on before he left the confines of the room. Grizz had offered to take Sam to Becca’s house but apparently Gordie already planned on coming to get him. If only Campbell wasn’t such a dick and actually gave Sam the keys to the car they were supposed to share.

 

Speaking of Campbell, Grizz hadn’t seen him since they called their truce, and as he left Sam’s house and went out onto the front porch, he saw Campbell sitting there on the steps with Elle. The two of them looked up at him. Grizz still wasn’t happy with the two of them being together and he constantly worried about the girl who became quieter and quieter in each English lesson Grizz shared with her. Grizz watched her like a hawk, searching for any visible bruises or anything that could elude to Campbell hurting her, but he found no signs, so he hoped that was over. 

 

“Hey guys,” Grizz tried to sound as normal and friendly as he possibly could.

 

“Gareth, leaving so soon?” Campbell asked.

 

Grizz stepped past them onto the grassy front yard as he nodded, “yeah, going to Luke’s.”

 

“Sounds like a blast,” Campbell’s voice, as always, was laced with sarcasm and an amusement that had the hairs on the back of Grizz’s neck stand up.

 

“Yeah, have a good night,” Grizz forced a smile.

 

Campbell kept his gaze on Grizz in almost a challenge, but Grizz wasn’t letting him win. He was keeping up the façade that they really did have a truce and could possibly be friends one day. The thought was laughable, but as long as Campbell though that, then that was all that mattered.

 

\---

 

Grizz knocked incessantly on Luke’s front door. He knew he was half an hour late, but better late than never, right? The sun had almost set, and Grizz kept knocking until Luke finally opened the door.

 

“Hey,” Luke said with a smile as he swung the door open, “almost didn’t think you were coming.”

 

“Yeah, got a little held up. Sorry, dude,” Grizz apologized. 

 

“It’s cool. You haven’t missed much,” Luke stepped to the side and let Grizz in before swinging the door shut again.

 

“What are the others up to?” Grizz asked as the two of them headed towards the living room.

 

“Gwen and Helena are sorting out prom. Dresses and dates and shit. Did you know she’s dating some guy called Seth?” Luke lowered his voice as he asked.

 

“I knew that. How’d you know that?” Grizz asked, a little shocked, because he didn’t think Gwen was going to tell the guys just yet.

 

“She just told us.”

 

“Shit, is Clark here?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, he didn’t really say anything though.”

 

Gwen was nuts. Even though Grizz knew Clark was questioning his sexuality, Gwen didn’t. Gwen was under the impression that Clark had only just gotten over the whole Grizz and her thing, and now she was bringing up another guy? Even though Clark was questioning, didn’t mean he still didn’t harbor feelings for her. Maybe she was just a touch self-centered and didn’t care.

 

When Grizz and Luke entered the living room, Grizz scanned the area. Gwen and Helena were sitting together on the couch where Luke joined them. Jason was on the floor in front of the television, as always, playing some shooting game. Clark was on the other couch, where Grizz went over and sat next to him, giving him a subtle nod in greeting.

 

“Hey guys,” Grizz said to the others.

 

“Don’t distract me!” Jason shouted as his thumbs pounded the controller relentlessly.

 

“You’re late!” Gwen added.

 

“Yeah, where were you?” Helena asked.

 

Grizz hadn’t really thought about _how_ exactly he was going to come out to Helena and Jason. It felt just a little silly making some big announcement to them, and maybe it was a little less scary to slip it into normal conversation. Maybe if he said it so casually then it wouldn’t be a big deal. So, he saw his chance and he took it.

 

“With Sam,” Grizz said. He could feel Clark, Gwen and Luke’s eyes all flick to him.

 

“Sam?” Helena asked.

 

“Eliot. Sam Eliot. At his…house,” Grizz said, and fuck, he was going to have to actually say it, wasn’t he?

 

“Oh really?” Helena watched Grizz curiously, “why?”

 

“Because, he’s my boyfriend,” Grizz said. Plain, simple and to the point.

 

And cue the silence. It was funny because three of the five already knew, but probably hadn’t actually talked to each other about it, and it was news to Helena and Jason, so he could feel them all glancing at each other like they weren’t sure what to say. Well, all of them except Jason who was still playing his game. Grizz was freaking out on the inside, but on the outside, he was trying to act as though he didn’t just come barreling out of the closet.

 

“Oh,” Helena broke the silence, “really? Huh…”

 

“Yeah…” Grizz didn’t know what to say.

 

“So…okay,” Helena pondered, “I mean…” she looked to the others for help, her eyes landing on Luke who was avoiding her gaze. Helena’s eyes grew wide, “wait, did you know this?”

 

Luke gave her a guilty look as he nodded.

 

“You didn’t tell me!” Helena hit him.

 

“It wasn’t my thing to tell,” Luke defended

 

“Was I the only one that didn’t know?” Helena asked as she searched the faces of her other friends.

 

“Uh, I mean, I’ve known for a while,” Gwen admitted.

 

Grizz was uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable, because Helena was shocked and he couldn’t tell if she was okay with it or not, and the last thing Grizz wanted was for his friend group to implode just because he had a boyfriend. And oh fuck, he couldn’t tell if Helena’s shock was actually disgust or not. Grizz sat there, focusing on his breathing as he wringed his hands together. He should have stayed with Sam.

 

Just as Grizz thought his lungs were about to shrivel up and cut off all of his oxygen supply, a supportive hand landed on his shoulder. Grizz looked up at Clark who gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his shoulder in comfort, then left his hand there, rubbing back and forth. Grizz exhaled slowly and took in another deep breath. With a little bit of confidence in him, Grizz turned to the others.

 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Grizz said.

 

“Yes, it is,” Helena said quickly, “you have a _boyfriend_.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“You never date _anyone_ , like, _ever_ , and now you just…are,” Helena said.

 

“Yeah… ‘cause I’m gay and not out,” Grizz said in a small voice.

 

“Wait, you’ve had boyfriends before in secret?” Helena asked.

 

“No. Why is this so shocking? It’s just…a boy…” Grizz said, and why was that so hard to accept? Grizz wanted to leave. He really, really wanted to sprint out of the house.

 

“Honey, I don’t care that it’s a boy. It’s shocking because I thought you were some emotionless fuckboy,” Helena laughed, and, what?

 

“What?” Grizz was more than confused now.

 

“All you did was hook up with girls and never date any of them, and whenever they chased you, you’d turn them down. I thought you were heartless. This makes so much sense,” she said in wonder. And Grizz had never thought about it like that. He didn’t think he used to be perceived as a fuckboy. Or heartless. Or emotionless.

 

 “So, you don’t think it’s wrong that I’m dating a guy, ‘cause, you know, your religion and stuff?” Grizz asked.

 

Helena snorted, “oh please, there are a lot of ridiculous things the bible says is wrong.”

 

Grizz sank into the couch, a little relieved. Clark’s hand came up and ruffled Grizz’s hair a little before he retreated. Grizz gave him a quick smile in thanks.

 

“Why am I the only one asking questions right now? Did you all know?” Helena asked, her eyes flicking to each of them.

 

“Just not you and Jason,” Grizz said, and he looked down at his friend who was still just as invested in the game as before. Wondering if the boy had even paid a tiny bit of attention to what was happening, Grizz asked, “are you taking any of this in, Jason?”

 

“You’re hooking up with a guy. Who hasn’t?” Jason commented. All eyes were on him, eyebrows raised in curiosity because…what? The fuck?

 

“Ah fuck, not again!” Jason yelled in frustration as his character died. He tossed the controller on the ground and finally, for the first time since Grizz had been there, looked up at his surroundings and all the eyes that were on him.

 

“What?” Jason asked dumbly.

 

“Care to elaborate?” Gwen asked.

 

“I said what I said,” Jason shrugged.

 

“Wait, you’ve…dated guys?” Luke asked.

 

Jason snorted, “dating and hooking up are two very different things,” he got up of the ground and without skipping a beat asked, “I gotta piss and get a beer. Who wants one?”

 

Jason literally had no idea that they were all sitting there curious as all hell. Everyone was too stunned at the change of direction of the conversation that they all waved off his offer before he headed out of the room.

 

“Is he gay too?” Helena asked.

 

“He’s with Erica?” Luke questioned.

 

“No, they’re on and off. Off at the moment,” Gwen said.

 

“He’s bi then?” Helena asked.

 

“He’s…Jason. I mean, are we really surprised? He’s horny like _all_ the time. Maybe he doesn’t care who it comes from,” Luke concluded.

 

“Huh…a day of revelations, it seems,” Helena said.

 

It was a whirlwind. One moment they were questioning Jason’s sexuality and they next Gwen was showing Helena one of her dress ideas for prom. And it was all a bit strange to Grizz because he always built up coming out in his head to be some big dramatic gesture, and everyone just moved on so quickly, and well, Grizz supposed that was what he wanted anyway. And wait, did Jason really, sort of, just imply that he might not be straight? Did that actually happen?

 

Grizz thought about it. Maybe he and Sam weren’t the only gay people in their town after all. Plus Clark. Clark, who had been awfully quiet. Grizz looked at him, only to his friend staring at the arch Jason had just walked through. And then their eyes locked, and Grizz could see the wheels turning in Clark’s head. Oh no. No, no, no.

 

“Clark, no,” Grizz whispered so the others didn’t hear.

 

“What? We said I should find someone that isn’t you to take for a test drive,” Clark leant in, whispering right back at him.

 

“Stop saying test drive. And no. Not Jason. Bad idea,” Grizz said. He was putting his foot down on the topic.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he’s your friend. Your best friend. Remember how weird it was when it was just me?” Grizz asked.

 

Clark rolls his eyes before muttering, “whatever.”

 

“So, uh, Grizz,” Helena spoke up, cutting off their conversation, “how long have you and Sam been together?”

 

“Uh…” and that was a complicated question, “I mean…we kissed then like a week later became official. That was, like…six weeks ago…but we broke up for like a week and got back together.”

 

Grizz was doing the math in his head as he spoke, and he honestly thought they had been together for a lot longer than that. At least, it felt like longer. They had been through a lot, and it was such a new relationship still. Grizz wondered if it was _too much_ drama for a relationship so new and if that was a sign that it wasn’t meant to be. Grizz wouldn’t accept that thought. He knew he was meant to be with Sam.

 

“You broke up? So soon? Why?” she asked.

 

“Because I’m going to Duke and he freaked about the distance, but we worked it out,” Grizz lied, because he wasn’t ready to tell them everything that had been going on.

 

“Oh,” Helena nodded, “I didn’t really see this coming. I mean, I’ve seen you two hanging out a little at school, but I thought it was a Becca thing.”

 

“Nope. Definitely Sam,” Grizz said, and he felt a little relieved that he could finally talk about Sam in the open like this.

 

“You should invite him to hang with us sometime,” Luke said.

 

“I will.”

 

“I can’t believe you told everyone except me. How long have you all known?” Helena asked.

 

They all answered at the same time.

 

“Since fugitives,” Gwen said proudly. 

 

“Few weeks ago,” Clark said.

 

“Since my party,” was Luke’s answer, and it was that response that had Grizz’s attention.

 

“Wait, what? Luke, what?” Grizz asked.

 

“What?” Luke was genuinely confused.

 

“Your party? I told you weeks after that,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh…”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I…I thought Sam would’ve told you?” Luke said. Sam?

 

“What?”

 

“You were drunk and it was outside my house. You were upset over Sam and we both got you back to his house. It wasn’t really you telling me, it was just obvious a lot more was going on with the two of you,” Luke said.

 

“You knew back then?” Grizz asked in shock.

 

“Yeah…”

               

“And Sam knew that you knew?” Grizz asked.

 

“Listen, don’t be mad at him, okay?” Luke spoke quickly, “I asked him not to tell if you didn’t remember because I wanted you to be able to tell me yourself.”

 

Grizz’s mind was blown. He ran his hands over his face, shaking his head, “oh my God.”

 

“It’s not that big of a deal, okay, Grizzy?” Luke was trying that calming, adult voice he did so often but Grizz wasn’t buying it.

 

“Not that big of a deal? Do you have any idea how many times I needed my best friend during that time but was too scared to tell you? Do you have any idea how much easier you would’ve made it if you just told me you knew?” Grizz was pissed.

 

“Sorry, I…I didn’t know it would upset you this much,” Luke defended, and they were all looking at him, and the way they were looking at him made Grizz think that maybe, just maybe he was overreacting a little.

 

“It’s…I’m not upset,” Grizz backpedaled, “I just wish you would have told me.”

 

Jason came back into the room at that point as they all went quiet. He stood there with a beer and a brand new packet of Cheetos as he looked around at everyone.

 

“Woah. What’d I miss?” he asked.

 

“Nothing,” Grizz dismissed it.

 

Jason merely shrugged and resumed his position on the floor in front of the TV.

 

“Enough about that,” Clark piped up, “Jason, how many guys exactly have you hooked up with?”

 

“Clark!” Gwen shouted at him, “leave him alone!”

 

Jason just smirked back at Clark in that charming way he was so good at and continued playing his game. Grizz glanced at Clark and he could see it was eating him up not getting answers from Jason, and Grizz also wondered how none of them had any idea that Jason might have been with a guy before, especially Clark seeing at the two were best friends. Then again, Jason could be fucking with them all and be full of shit.

 

“Back to prom!” Helena announced, “Grizz, are you going to ask Sam?”

 

Grizz shook his head, “no. I’m not even properly out yet.”

 

“Are you going to come out?” she asked, and this was probably the most Grizz had actually ever spoken to Helena. He didn’t realize just how inquisitive she was, not that Grizz minded that much.

 

“Maybe,” Grizz answered.

 

“I don’t think anyone at school would really care,” Helena said thoughtfully.

 

“Yeah…” Grizz trailed off and glanced at Luke who was looking back at him with a sympathetic smile, because he knew the real reason why Grizz was so scared to come out, and while Luke had offered Grizz a safe place to stay if things went south, Grizz’s mind was trained to not tell anyone he was gay under any circumstance. He was so desperate to take that step and just be open about it.

 

“Listen, can we not tell anyone else? I don’t really care about people at school, but it can’t get back to my parents,” Grizz said, and it was directed to the lot of them.

 

“Of course,” Helena nodded.

 

“We would never,” Gwen added.

 

Grizz knew he could trust them all with this. He also knew it hopefully wouldn’t be long until none of them had to keep it a secret anymore. So, he wasn’t too worried. What he _was_ thinking about was Sam, and he couldn’t get it out of his head that he had been keeping this secret from him.

 

“I’m gonna head off, guys,” Grizz declared.

 

“You just got here,” Clark complained.

 

Grizz still stood, “I know, I gotta go talk to Sam though.”

 

“Don’t be pissed at him, dude, please? It was my fault,” Luke said.

 

“I’m not gonna get mad,” Grizz said, but he was unsure, because he was actually pretty mad. He felt like an idiot for not knowing.

 

“Don’t break up again either. That shit was exhausting,” Gwen begged.

 

“I’m not. I just wanna see him,” Grizz brushed her comment off.

 

“Cute,” Helena cooed.

 

Grizz ignored her as he headed across the living room.

 

“I’ll see you guys at school,” Grizz waved them off.

 

“See you!” the all say back, and Grizz left.

 

It really wasn’t his intention to leave so early, but he did what he wanted to do in coming out and now he was a bit furious at Sam and knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking and fuming about it until he confronted him. He wondered if he was overreacting or overthinking like he usually did, but decided that his reaction was warranted.

 

 **I’m coming to Becca’s Be there in 5. You have some explaining to do.** – Grizz texted to Sam.

 

He opened his messages to Clark next because he could see the disaster just waiting to happen.

 **DO NOT DO ANYTHING STUPID!!!!!!** He sent to Clark.

 

Grizz got in his car, drove to Becca’s house and by the time he got there he had a text from Clark and another from Sam.

 

 **Don’t know what you’re talking about…** \- Clark.

 **DO NOT!!!!!!!** – Grizz.

 **YOLO!** – Clark.

 

“Fucking idiot,” Grizz muttered before opening the text from Sam.

 

 **What’d I do?** – Sam.

 

Grizz felt a pang in his chest, because yeah, he was mad, but he didn’t want to _get_ mad at Sam. The thought of Sam feeling bad didn’t sit well with Grizz, but at the same time, he felt like he had to address it.

 

Grizz looked up at Becca’s house just in time to see Sam walking out the front door towards his car parked out on the street. Grizz cut the engine and got out, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

 

“You’re freaking me out. What’d I do?” Sam asked.

 

“You didn’t tell me about Luke, that’s what,” Grizz said.

 

Sam frowned, tilting his head to the side before looking around.

 

“It’s dark. Can we go somewhere brighter?” Sam asked.

 

And, duh. Grizz was an idiot. He nodded and as if on instinct took Sam’s hand and headed towards the house with him. The two went inside and Grizz let Sam lead him upstairs and into a bedroom he assumed was Becca’s. Remembering he was mad, Grizz let go of Sam’s hand as they looked at each other.

 

“What did I do?” Sam asked again.

 

“You didn’t tell me I told Luke I was gay at his party,” Grizz got right to the point.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah, oh,” Grizz mocked.

 

Sam frowned, and nope, Grizz wasn’t going to let him win with those puppy dog eyes.

 

“He told me not to tell you,” Sam explained.

 

“I don’t care what he told you to do. You knew how scared I was to tell anyone and you still didn’t tell me that Luke already knew? That I didn’t have to worry about outing myself to him?” Grizz rambled. 

 

“Slow down,” Sam pleaded.

 

Grizz sighed as he ran his hands through his hair, “sorry.”

 

“Are you really mad?” Sam asked, taking a step closer.

 

“Yeah, I am,” Grizz crossed his arms over his chest in defiance.

 

“He told me not to tell,” Sam said again.

 

“I don’t care,” Grizz countered.

 

“You’re being a child,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes.

 

“You’re being a child,” Grizz said right back, and damn, he _was_ being a child.

 

“He asked me not to tell you and I wanted to impress your friends, okay?” Sam admitted in frustration.

 

Grizz bit his tongue at that before giving in a bit, “okay…that’s cute as shit, but I’m still mad.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam apologized as he came up to Grizz and took him by the waist. Grizz stepped back.

 

“I should be more important to you than what Luke wanted,” Grizz said.

 

“I was scared, okay?” Sam said, his eyes showing real remorse.

 

“What?”

 

“Gwen found out and you had a panic attack. I didn’t want that to happen again, so I didn’t tell you,” Sam explained.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah, oh,” Sam copied.

 

“Hmm, well, you still should’ve told me,” Grizz said stubbornly.

 

“Ugh, you’re impossible,” Sam said in frustration.

 

“I’m not being impossible. I just feel like an idiot knowing that he knew the whole time,” Grizz argued.

 

“Well, you are an idiot, so,” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz narrowed his eyes in a glare, “Seriously?”

 

“Seriously.”

 

And Grizz could feel his blood boiling, bubbling away and reaching fever pitch.

 

“I…you…God… you’re so…” Grizz huffed as words escaped him.

 

“I’m so…what?” Sam taunted, his eyes flicking to Grizz’s lips, and yeah, there was that look, that look that _wasn’t_ for reading lips.

 

Grizz was frustrated with him, and he didn’t know what to say, so he did the next best thing. He stepped forward, barricading Sam against the wall before pressing their lips together. Grizz didn’t know exactly what he was trying to gain from kissing Sam, but maybe he just really needed him to shut up.

 

Grizz took Sam’s face in his hands and kept him in place as he kissed him. It took Sam a total of two seconds to kiss him back, but Grizz wasn’t letting Sam take over. Not that time, at least. Sam audibly whimpered against his lips and melted against him. If they weren’t in Becca’s room, Grizz would have wanted to do a lot more to Sam in that moment, but instead settled for the kiss.

 

With every second that went by, Grizz felt the anger leave his system. No longer wanting or needing to be aggressive with him, Grizz’s kiss turned soft, his lips melding together with Sam’s gently. The other boy tangled his fingers in his hair, lightly massaging the nape of his neck as he went, and Grizz turned to jelly.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz spoke against Sam’s lips. He couldn’t kiss him any longer. It wasn’t the time nor the place.

 

“We’re gonna have to argue more often,” Sam said. Grizz nodded before pressing his lips to Sam’s again in a chaste kiss before he took an entire step back. Sam stayed against the wall, giving Grizz the most innocent look.

 

“Still hate me?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz shook his head, “no, never did. Is there anyone else that knows that I don’t know about?”

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about it before answering, “Gordie saw you give me heart eyes once, but I think I managed to tell him it was nothing.”

 

“Okay…” Grizz pondered. Maybe he would have to be more careful with that. Or, he could just come out. He was seriously considering it. He was tired of altering how he acted in public around Sam.

 

“Did you come out to Jason and Helena?” Sam asked, and Grizz nodded. “How’d that go?”

 

“Helena was surprised but she’s okay with it. Jason…didn’t really care,” Grizz said, not willing to tell Sam that Jason wasn’t exactly straight because, well, Grizz wasn’t even sure if that was true or not.

 

 “So, it went well then?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah. Then Luke told me about already knowing I was gay and well…I bailed on them,” Grizz said with a little laugh.

 

Sam stepped forward, taking Grizz’s hands in his, “do you want to stay? They were just about to put the movie on.”

 

Grizz went quiet as he contemplated what that would mean.

 

“You don’t have to tell them,” Sam interrupted his train of thought, “you could be here as a friend.”

 

Grizz knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to shout from the rooftops that he was dating Sam Eliot, that he was _in love_ with Sam Eliot. That no one else could have him. That he was happier than he had ever been. He wanted people to be disgusted at how cute they were together. And yet, Grizz still froze, unable to make a decision.

 

“Stay? Please?” Sam asked with puppy dog eyes, “or…I mean, you don’t _have_ to. I won’t blame you if you want to leave.”

 

Grizz didn’t want to leave at all. He was scared as all hell, but he didn’t want to go. What was the worst that could happen? Grizz liked Gordie, Kelly and Cassandra. Grizz planned on coming out to everyone eventually, just not his dad, so, he nodded and told Sam he would stay. Why not start here while he was already feeling that little bit confident about it?

 

Sam smiled wide as he tightened his grip on Grizz’s hand and pulled him from the room. The two of them walked together down the stairs, and once they were there, Sam let go of his hand, leaving it completely up to Grizz whether or not he’d play this off as friends or more.

 

They headed into a room, a living room, where it looked as though the group was waiting for Sam because the menu screen of a DVD was on the television. Everyone looked up at them. Cass and Gordie were in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. Kelly and Becca were on one of the couches together. All eyes were on Sam and Grizz standing there side by side, and Grizz could feel his boyfriend watching him too.

 

“Hi guys…” Grizz greeted them.

 

“Hey, Grizz. What are you doing here?” Kelly asked.

 

Right. Good question. Grizz froze. His heart was racing and yet felt like it had ceased at the same time. And where the fuck was Grizz’s oxygen?

 

“I invited him,” Becca, bless her, chimed in, “we’re good friends, so…”

 

Grizz let out a breath of relief, only, he didn’t feel good about what Becca said. He was tired of the lies, of the cover ups, so with as much confidence as he could muster up, he spoke.

 

“Uh, actually…uhm…Sam and I…we…” fuck. He tried. He was _really_ trying. He looked to Sam and he didn’t know how exactly to say it, but he wanted to. “We, uh…I mean…me and Sam, we’re like…uhm…”

 

“Cool,” Gordie spoke. Grizz’s eyes shot to him. The boy, curled up on the floor next to his girlfriend, smiled softly as he looked back and forth between Grizz and Sam.

 

“Yeah, cool,” Cassandra added in that kind tone she always had.

 

He glanced to Kelly who was whispering, clearly asking Becca to confirm what Grizz had been trying to stay. Becca nodded and Kelly smiled wide.

 

“So, you guys are boyfriends, huh?” Kelly blatantly stated as she also signed to Sam, and what the hell? Why was everyone so good at that _except_ Grizz. Grizz supposed that if he had actually been friends with Sam for years like the others had, and not just the past two months, then he’d be better.

 

Grizz looked to Sam, begging him to answer Kelly’s question, and he did so, confirming with a nod.

 

“That’s so cute,” Kelly cooed.

 

“Sure,” Grizz spoke, “uhm…can I ask you guys a favor? Like…can you not tell anyone, please? I’m not exactly out yet. I mean, I might be soon but, like…not yet.”

 

“Of course,” Cassandra answered.

 

“You don’t have to worry,” Gordie added.

 

“Yeah, we won’t tell,” Kelly nodded quickly.

 

Grizz felt himself relax a little. That wasn’t as bad as Grizz had built up in his head. It actually wasn’t so scary anymore now that it was out there, with these other people knowing. Maybe it was because Gordie, Cassandra and Kelly were all so nice.

 

“Do you like horror movies, Grizz?” Cassandra asked.

 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Great, everyone ready?” Becca asked, and once everyone nodded in approval, she pressed play on the control.

 

Grizz let Sam lead him over to the empty couch. The two sat down close together as the movie began. Grizz, for just a few moments, paid attention to others, to see if their expressions had changed or if they were looking at him any differently, and none of them were.

 

“You’re cute,” Sam whispered, getting Grizz’s attention.

 

“I’m embarrassing,” Grizz mouthed.

 

Sam shook his head before leaning in and giving Grizz a light kiss on his cheek.

 

“I love you,” Sam told him.

 

“I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading! And a special thanks to commenters because it's legit so encouraging to receive comments and it means A LOT.  
> ANYWAY, I've completely gone off the rails in keeping the guard in character with the show bc I just wanna make them all gay lmao.   
> SO, I'm just throwing it out there that sometime before I post the next chapter of this I'll be writing and posting the first chapter of a Clark/Jason centric side fic to this story, so look out for that if you're interested! It'll start from later that night after Grizz left and dumbass Clark is left alone with Jason :) I don't know exactly how many chapters it'll end up being but I'd say around 10 or less than.


	37. Friends of Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 36 recap: Grizz came out to Helena and Jason, officially making it so all of his friends knew. Jason let it slip that he probably isn't straight and Clark is intrigued. Grizz and Sam argued when Grizz found out Luke had known for a while that Grizz was gay and Sam kept that secret from him, but they ended up making out so all is well. Grizz also came out to Sam's friends Gordie, Cassandra and Kelly, and the world didn't end.

Grizz walked through the school halls the day after telling Jason, Helena, Kelly, Gordie and Cassandra that he was dating Sam, and the lot of them had kept their word and didn’t tell anyone. Grizz found himself sizing everyone up, wondering if they were looking at him because they _knew_ or if they were just looking at him because he was in their line of sight or they just wanted to say hi.

 

Grizz also often found himself snapping out of those paranoid thoughts and telling himself that it didn’t matter if everyone at school knew. That it wouldn’t be the end of the world because he didn’t care about their opinions, but he had trained himself for so long to hide who he really was and had convinced himself that it was a bad thing if people knew, and he was trying really, really hard to retrain his mind and not let his anxiety get the best of him.

 

Walking into his English class, Grizz honed in on Elle, as he did every English lesson. Even if he couldn’t talk to her about Campbell, he still made sure he took note of her appearance, just in case he noticed another bruise, but since the last time, he hadn’t. Even though he was supposed to be keeping his distance from her, the class still had assigned seating, so he headed over and dropped his books on the desk with a thud louder than he intended.

 

Elle jumped in her spot and Grizz thought she would fall off her chair, but she regained her balance, glancing around like she was sure something else had caused the sound.

 

“Sorry,” Grizz told her.

 

She didn’t reply. She merely faced forward, her focus on the whiteboard in front of them. That was when Grizz noticed the bags under her eyes, the paleness of her skin and the boniness of her cheeks.

 

“How are you?” Grizz asked as he sat next to her.

 

“You’re not supposed to be talking to me,” her voice was barely audible, but Grizz caught it.

 

“I’m just asking how you are,” Grizz defended.

 

“Campbell told me you called a truce with him. That you’d stay out of our business,” she murmured.

 

Grizz shifted closer, lowering his voice, “I’m still here for you if you need it, Elle. He doesn’t have to know.”

 

Elle didn’t say a word, and Grizz couldn’t stop thinking about how terrible she looked, how thin, how _sickly._

 

“Has everything been okay?” he asked her. She nodded, still not saying a word, and still not looking at him, so Grizz went on, “are you going to Allie’s party this weekend?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’ll see you there then,” Grizz said hopefully.

 

Her eyes finally shot to him in a glare, “are you fucking stupid, Grizz?”

 

“What?”

 

“You don’t get it. He…he has friends everywhere okay? Dewey’s in this class and he-,” she stopped mid-sentence and Grizz scanned the room to find out why. Dewey, who was one of Campbell’s closest friends, walked in. Grizz went quiet and shifted away from Elle, knowing he had to at least give off the impression that he was keeping his distance.

 

Grizz didn’t have a good feeling about the entire conversation, but at the end of the day, what could he do?

 

\---

 

And lunch time Grizz sat in his usual spot at his usual table. Clark sat to the right of him, and Gwen next to Clark. Luke, Helena and Jason were across the table. Grizz chowed down on his bland sandwich while he listened to them all talk about their morning classes. It was an average lunch break, up until Luke’s voice boomed through the cafeteria.

 

“Yo, Sam!” Luke shouted. Grizz glanced around and sure enough Sam and Becca were heading towards their usual table.

 

“He can’t hear you, dumbass,” Grizz scolded. That didn’t matter though, because Becca had heard and tapped Sam’s arm to get their attention. Luke waved them over.

 

“What are you doing?” Grizz asked as a flurry of panic swirled in his stomach. He squashed the feeling almost instantaneously in a desperate attempt to train his brain to normalize his and Sam’s relationship.

 

“Integrating,” Luke said simply with a grin.

 

And, oh. Sam and Becca were at their table. Grizz’s _boyfriend_ was about to sit down with them all for lunch, and it felt like he was presenting Sam to them all even though they all knew him already.

 

“Hey, you guys should join us from now on,” Luke said to the duo.

 

“Really?” Becca asked.

 

“Grizz’s friends are our friends,” Helena added.

 

Sam and Grizz stared at each other; Sam clearly holding back a smile, and Grizz hoping to God that his friends weren’t going to do anything embarrassing.

 

“Okay,” Sam spoke before he sat next to Luke, directly across from Grizz, and Grizz cursed himself for sitting on the edge and cursed Clark for sitting right next to him. Becca made herself comfortable next to Gwen.

 

“Hey,” Grizz greeted Sam before signing, ‘how’s your morning?’

 

“Boring, yours?” he asked back.

 

“Educational,” Grizz answered, and he wasn’t really sure how to talk to Sam around his friends.

 

“Nerd,” Sam teased.

 

“Don’t be mean,” Grizz said with a playful glare.

 

“Wait, wait,” Helena interrupted them, “you know ASL, Grizz?”

 

“Barely,” Grizz answered, and Sam was giving him a funny look, so he filled him in, “Helena is asking about me knowing ASL.”

 

Sam grinned wide as he looked to all Grizz’s friends, “wait, he didn’t tell you how we started talking?”

 

“Oh no,” Grizz spoke in panic, his eyes going wide.

 

“No, we haven’t gotten that story yet,” Luke said, “please, tell us more.”

 

“No!” Grizz exclaimed and gave Sam a light kick under the table so he’d look at him, “if you love me you won’t.”

 

“Come on, it’s cute. Please?” Sam begged.

 

“No.”

 

“We’ll argue about it later,” Sam said, and like the fucking little shit he was, turned back to the others, “so Grizz pretended that he had a deaf cousin and needed to learn ASL and came to me for lessons.”

 

“Holy shit, dude. That’s romantic as fuck,” Jason said.

 

“Oh my God, I take back everything I ever thought about you being a fuckboy. That’s so cute,” Helena said.

 

“Why is this the first I’m hearing of this?” Gwen asked.  

 

“Are you even any good at it?” Luke asked.

 

Grizz ignored every single one of them and drank about half of his bottle of water. He actually thought it was a bit embarrassing how he couldn’t just go up to Sam and talk to him, how he had to come up with some elaborate lie. He didn’t like being reminded of it.

 

“Sorry,” Sam said, his eyes on Grizz, and Grizz saw that he wasn’t sorry at all.

 

“I hate you,” Grizz mouthed.

 

“Fight me,” Sam mouthed right back.

 

“So, prom!” Gwen interrupted them. She reached across the table and tapped Sam’s hands, distracting him from his staring contest with Grizz. “Sam, are you going to just wait for Grizz to ask you to prom or are you gonna make him take you.”

 

What was this? Pick on Grizz day? Grizz directed his glare to Gwen. She was well aware that Grizz hadn’t asked Sam. They spoke about it just last night.

 

“We’ve never actually talked about it,” Sam said, raising his eyebrows at Grizz. Why? _Why_ did Sam have to go and find so much joy out of making Grizz squirm?

 

“Right, I’ve never really thought about it. Kind of forgot about prom, really,” Grizz said.  

 

“Well, I think you should go together. I think it’d be cute,” Gwen suggested, and Grizz really wanted to throttle her because he had been ignoring the prospect of prom. It wasn’t important to him. He kind of pictured just hanging out at home with Sam that night, or going somewhere just the two of them.

 

All eyes were on Grizz, and even though he could tell Sam didn’t _really_ care, he still felt the pressure, “uh, I don’t know about that, uhm…maybe…if I’m, like, out.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Sam said, his expression a little more serious. Grizz didn’t have an answer for Sam. Yes, Grizz wanted to be out, and sure, dancing with Sam would be nice, but having hundreds of eyes on them? He wasn’t about that.

 

“Look what you did. You made it weird,” Luke said to Gwen.

 

“I’m just saying it’d be a shame for them not to get all dressed up and handsome looking and come out with us. It could just be a group thing,” Gwen was a bit too excited about the idea. This was like the Yale trip all over again and Grizz was sure she would just bug him until he gave in.

 

“Prom is fucking forever away. We’ll think about it later,” Grizz snapped.

 

“Oooh testy,” Gwen teased, and she really was like an annoying little sister.

 

Sam and Grizz locked eyes. Grizz delivered a scowl that had barely been off his face since Sam had sat down, and how did Sam respond? By playing footsies with Grizz underneath the table. It was just subtle enough for Grizz not to worry about anyone seeing.

 

“You guys coming to Allie’s party this weekend?” Jason changed the topic.

 

“Yeah, there’s a group of us going,” Becca answered.

 

The conversation went on and Grizz focussed on his sandwich, not really wanting to be involved in the chat because he was mad at most of them. After a little while though, Sam kicked him. Grizz looked up to see his boyfriend waving his phone at him. Maybe Grizz’s phone had vibrated in his pocket a moment ago, but everyone he usually texted were sitting at that table, so he hadn’t thought anything of it. Grizz fished it out of his pocket and checked his messages.

 

 **Clark likes Jason?** – Sam.

 

 **What?** – Grizz.

 

 **The way he’s looking at him. Trust me. All I do is read people.** – Sam.

 

Grizz looked up at Clark next to him, who was, in fact, staring at Jason right across from him. Glancing around, Grizz noticed no one else was paying Clark any attention. Not even Jason was. He was, as always, shoving food in his face. But Clark, well, he was _captivated_ by Jason. The way he was staring at him was more than obvious once it was pointed out to Grizz.

 

Grizz kicked Clark’s shin, the boy promptly breaking out of his trance and turning to Grizz with a clueless expression. Grizz’s eyes shifted from Clark to Jason as he gave Clark a pointed look until the dumbass caught on. Clark shrugged and Grizz shook his head, silently telling him that whatever he was thinking had to stop.

 

Clark leant into Grizz, his lips close to his ear as he whispered, “we kissed last night.”

 

If Grizz had been drinking his water at that point he would have choked on it, spluttering everywhere in his shock. They did _what?_ Jason and Clark _kissed?_ That was the exactly opposite of what Clark should have done. Grizz had so many questions.

 

“You did what?” Grizz snapped.

 

“We’ll talk later,” Clark said, nodding to the rest of them even though none of them except Sam were paying attention.

 

Grizz was about to about to agree to that when he stopped as a crash sounded from behind him. Spinning around, along with everyone else in the cafeteria, he scanned the area, trying to figure out what happened. A few others at different tables had gotten up, and then Grizz noticed the blonde girl on the ground, a tray of food cluttered next to her. It wasn’t until he saw Campbell pushing his way through the crowd did he realize the girl on the ground was Elle.

 

“Is that Elle?” Helena asked.

 

Without a thought, Grizz stood, ready to go over and see what happened, to see if Elle was okay, but the moment he was up, Sam latched onto his wrist. Grizz looked down at the boy, a silent conversation being exchanged between the two. While no words were spoken, Grizz knew exactly what Sam was thinking. Sam was right. Grizz couldn’t get involved.

 

Grizz turned back to the scene before him, his heart clenched, and his stomach queasy. It was, in fact, Elle passed out on the ground with Campbell above her, and if Grizz wasn’t mistaken, Campbell actually showed concern. He caressed Elle’s face. Grizz heard the desperation in his voice as he begged Elle to wake up. Grizz felt sick. He knew something was wrong this morning and he didn’t do anything about it. Grizz only sat back down again when the teachers arrived.

 

“What happened?” Clark asked.

 

“I think she just passed out?” Luke questioned.

 

“She, uh, looked really tired this morning in class,” Grizz added.

 

He watched on as Elle finally came to, stirring on the ground. Grizz sighed in relief as his instant headache subsided. Campbell helped Elle up from the floor before scooping her up into his arms and leaving the cafeteria with the teachers hot on their trail.

 

“What do you think happened? Is she sick?” Gwen asked.

 

“Maybe. I don’t think she eats much either,” Helena added.

 

Grizz turned back to the group, his eyes landing on Sam, silently asking if he knew something that the others didn’t. Sam gave a quick shake of his head, and Grizz dropped the topic, for now.

 

\---

 

Later on that afternoon after school, Grizz found himself laying on his bed on his stomach with Sam by his side. Grizz’s parents were out at dinner in the city. It was something for his dad’s work. Grizz wasn’t particularly paying attention. He was just glad that he had a few hours for Sam to be over. He had only been there for half an hour and all they had done was study. Grizz had his Duke courses book open in front of him while Sam worked on his English assignment.

 

“This is boring. I quit,” Sam stopped his typing and looked to Grizz instead.

 

“It’s due tomorrow,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“I don’t care,” Sam said before he tried to kiss Grizz, but Grizz pulled back, shaking his head.

 

“School is important. The sooner you get it done the sooner we can do something else,” Grizz said, hoping he’d tempt Sam just enough to get his mind back on track. It worked like a charm, Sam sighed and got right back to it, typing away.

 

Grizz continued flipping through the course catalogue. He couldn’t decide whether to major in something like literature, or go the sciences route like biology or agriculture. Or maybe philosophy. He had plenty of time to pick a major, but he was so indecisive already that he had no idea how he’d eventually decide. And he certainly couldn’t make that decision when he was busy worrying about Elle. He had been worrying about her all day.

 

Grizz nudged Sam, getting his attention, “did you end up hearing anything else about Elle?”

 

Sam nodded as he picked up his phone and unlocked it, flicking to his messages before giving the phone to Grizz who read them.

 

 **Is Elle ok?** – Sam.

 **Yeah. She’s just caught some virus.** – Campbell.

 

That was it. Clearly the two weren’t exactly conversationalists. Grizz didn’t blame Sam for that though. Grizz wanted to text Elle himself but he knew he couldn’t. At least Elle was okay. Well, that was if Campbell’s word was worth anything.

 

“How are things at home?” Grizz asked as he handed the phone back.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Campbell doesn’t bother you?” he asked.

 

“You worry too much,” Sam moved a little closer.

 

“I’m supposed to,” Grizz said just at the moment Sam shut him up with his lips. It took everything in Grizz not give in to Sam, but he was also a strong believer in school work being important, so he pulled away, shaking his head, “back to work.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, but he did as he was told anyway and got back to it. Honestly, it was like being around a child that got distracted too often. Grizz kept flipping through his course catalogue right until his phone dinged in his pocket. He pulled it out, seeing a text from Clark.

 

 **Hey.** – Clark.

 

 **Hi.** – Grizz.

**What r u doing?** – Clark.

**Hanging with Sam.** – Grizz.

**Oh. Cool. Sorry I won’t bother u.** – Clark.

 

“Who are you texting?” Sam asked.

 

“Are you gonna be a helicopter boyfriend?” Grizz countered.

 

Sam tilted his head to the side, “a what?”

 

“You know, a nosy boyfriend,” Grizz tapped him on the nose.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Fine then, it’s just Clark,” Grizz told him as he began typing out a response.

 

“Clark, huh?” Sam said suspiciously.

 

“Yes, Clark,” Grizz nudged his side.

 

“It’s fine, I’ll just lay here doing my homework while you text your other boyfriend,” Sam said all too dramatically. Grizz rolled his eyes as they landed on his boyfriend who merely gave an innocent smile that he had perfected. He wasn’t going to dignify that with a response. Instead, he finished the text.

 

 **Soooo…listen…you’re cool with Sam hanging out with us, yeah? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.** – Grizz.

**Duuuuuude I’ve totally moved on from that.** – Clark.

**Oh right! I didn’t get to catch you after school. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?** – Grizz.

**DON’T YELL AT ME!!!!!** – Clark.

**Don’t avoid the question.** – Grizz.

**I told you. We kissed.** – Clark.

**And then???** – Grizz.

 

 **And then I left.** – Clark.

**What happened AFTER?** – Grizz.

**I LEFT.** – Clark.

 

“Who did he kiss?” Sam asked. Grizz looked up, mock annoyance written all over his face.

 

“Nosy,” Grizz said and pecked a kiss on the tip of Sam’s nose before sitting up so he couldn’t see the texts.

 

“I’m almost done with this, so you’re gonna be mine again in like ten minutes,” Sam said. Grizz didn’t say anything and Sam didn’t look at him for a response either. Grizz was a little too focused on trying to get more information from Clark, because while he never really gave a shit about his friend’s romantic lives, he wanted to make sure Clark didn’t fuck everything up, and well, it was kind of cool talking to one of his male friends about kissing another guy.

 

 **Just tell me everything that happened! Stop being difficult!** – Grizz.

**Okay FINE. After u left I asked him about hooking up with guys n he told me what he’s done n I told him I kissed you and then idfk man we got onto how I was curious. He wanted to help me figure shit out UNLIKE YOU. So we just kissed. No biggie.** – Clark.

**And then what happened. And don’t say you just left bc I swear to god.** – Grizz.

**I told him I wasn’t into it and left.** – Clark.

**Really? Was he weird about it?** – Grizz.

**No. he’s cool.** – Clark.

**Ok so you weren’t into it…so…that means…?** – Grizz. Because Grizz didn’t want to admit that that could mean Clark kissed Grizz because he was into him, and just him, and it wasn’t just all guys.

**I told him I wasn’t into it. Doesn’t mean I was telling the truth.** – Clark.

**So you did like it?** – Grizz.

**Like A LOT.** – Clark.

**Then why’d you tell him you didn’t?!?!** – Grizz.

**I panicked.** – Clark.

**So you like Jason?** – Grizz.

**Idk.** – Clark.

**This could get messy. Are you gonna do it again?** – Grizz.

**No! I’m not gay okay. I just like kissing people??** – Clark.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes.

**So you’re not gonna go there again?** – Grizz.

**No.** – Clark.

**Good.** – Grizz.

**Do you think Jason is hot?** – Clark.

***rolling eye emoji* DO YOU?** – Grizz.

**Fuck my life.** – Clark.

 

Before Grizz had a chance to reply, his phone was being taken out of his hands and instead Sam was in full focus as he straddled Grizz’s hips. Sam, not one to be shy or waste time, had his lips on his boyfriend’s, devouring them. And what was a boy to do? Grizz went with it, kissing Sam back, right until his phone dinged again.

 

Grizz felt around on the bed for his phone and once he had it firmly in his grip, he detached Sam from his lips and looked at the screen. Sam wasn’t giving up though. He started on Grizz’s neck, kissing, biting and sucking on it. Grizz very nearly dropped his phone then and there, but he didn’t want to leave Clark hanging.

 

 **He’s hot but its JASON.** – Clark.

 

 **Whatever you do just don’t fuck up your friendship. Make sure you’re both on the same page.** – Grizz.

 

And then Sam was taking his phone from him. He turned it off and tossed it to the other side of the bed.

 

 “Hey, I was having a very important conversation,” Grizz said.

 

Sam grinned as he rocked himself against Grizz. He wrapped his hands around the back of Grizz’s neck and leant in, almost pressing their lips together again.

 

“Do you want me to get off?” Sam asked.

 

“Have you done your homework?” Grizz shot back.

 

“Yes, dad,” Sam teased.

 

“Ew, don’t ever call me that again,” Grizz said in disgust.

 

“Yes, sir,” Sam said with a bite of his lips.

 

“I hate you,” Grizz murmured before crashing their lips together once more.

 

Sam pulled the hair tie from Grizz’s hair, setting the locks free before trapping them again in his fingers. Grizz always loved it when Sam played with his hair. It was one of the reasons she swore to keep it at least a little bit long. His fingers didn’t stay tangled in Grizz’s hair for nearly long enough, and before he could complain, Sam was tugging at Grizz’s shirt.

 

The two boys parted fleetingly for Sam to pull Grizz’s shirt up over his head and for Grizz to return the favor. He marvelled in Sam’s body for the briefest of moments before he turned the tables. Wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist, Grizz lifted Sam off him before pushing him back and dropping him to the mattress. Grizz was on top of him in a second, reconnecting their lips.

 

Sam hooked his thighs around Grizz’s hips, pulling him closer, not that Grizz had to be coaxed to do so. He let Sam do whatever he wanted to him, which quickly had escalated to Sam undoing Grizz’s belt and jeans before pushing them down to his mid-thighs.

 

Grizz was in his own little world when he was with Sam. He ignored the dinging of his phone, deciding he’d deal with Clark later. One thing he heard though smashed right through his bubble. He heard the front door slamming shut, and he heard his dad’s grumbling voice. Grizz pulled back, looking down at Sam with wide eyes.

 

“What?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz put a finger to his lips, silencing him, “my parents are home.” They weren’t supposed to be home for fucking hours.

 

“Gareth!” Grizz heard his mom call out. And fuck. The door wasn’t locked.

 

“Fuck. You gotta hide,” Grizz mouthed.

 

He leapt off of Sam as he tugged his jeans back up. Sam, realizing that this was bad, really bad, got up and let Grizz lead him over to the closet, which Grizz yanked open urgently before ushering Sam inside. Grizz’s heart tightened as he watched the scared expression on Sam’s face, but he didn’t have any time to console him or apologize. He shut the door on the boy and turned, just as his bedroom door opened.

 

There Grizz was, standing in his room, jeans and belt undone, shirtless, hair probably a complete mess, breathless, Sam’s things all over the fucking room, and his mom standing in the doorway. He was screwed.

 

“Hey, I was just getting dressed. Uh, you’re home early,” Grizz said as he frantically did up his jeans and belt and walked away from the closet door. He didn’t want his mom’s attention to be there.

 

“Yeah, your dad was making a scene…” she trailed off, her eyes narrowing.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Whose shoes are at the front door?” she asked.

 

“Oh, uh, Luke was here earlier and must have left them. He was in a bit of a rush to leave,” Grizz lied, and his mom didn’t believe a single word of it.

 

Grizz took a step back as his mom came into his room and shut the door behind her. Suspicion was written all over her face as she scanned the room. She stopped at the bed, seeing the laptop that wasn’t his, the phone that wasn’t his, and the t-shirt sitting rumpled on the bed next to his. He was so _fucked_.

 

Grizz was frozen in place, his heart completely stopped, no oxygen going into his lungs. His mom glanced around, and then her eyes landed on the closet. The moment she took a step towards it, Grizz sprung into action. All he cared about in that moment was not getting Sam involved. He raced over, beating his mom there. He stood in front of the door, holding his hands out in defence.

 

“Please don’t,” he begged.

 

“Do you have a boy in there?” she accused in a whisper.

 

Grizz went quiet for a moment, and he was defeated. He was so done with lying, and what would lying do anyway? He was already caught out.

 

“You know I do,” he admitted.

 

“I thought we were done with this,” she scolded him.

 

He couldn’t stand the hurt on his mom’s face. Desperation filled Grizz. He just wanted, no, he needed his mom to accept this. While he hated his dad and couldn’t care less if he ever saw him again, Grizz wanted to salvage whatever was left of the mom he remembered when he was a kid.

 

“I love him,” he told her, his voice dripping with sincerity. She had to see that, right? It wasn’t just sleeping around with a guy. It wasn’t something sinful or wrong. He was just in love.

 

“Do you have any idea what would have happened if your dad walked in here instead of me?” she asked with just as much desperation.

 

“Are you going to tell him?” Grizz asked.

 

Fury was clouding her eyes and he was sure in that moment that she hated him, but after a moment her gaze softened into one of pure annoyance.

 

“Dad’s in the living room. I’ll make sure he stays there. Get rid of him. Now,” she ordered, and taking what he could get, Grizz nodded.

 

He waited for her to leave and the door was firmly shut before he turned around and opened the closet door. Sam looked at him with those wide, blue eyes of his, no longer looking scared, but instead concerned.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz told him.

 

“Don’t be. What happened?” he asked as he stepped back into the room.

 

“It was my mom. She knows I have you in here,” Grizz whispered.

 

“Is she mad?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Is she gonna tell your dad?”

 

“No,” Grizz shook his head, “I don’t think so.”

 

“Are you okay?” Sam stepped forward, taking Grizz’s face in his hand, and Grizz just didn’t have an answer to that. He supposed he was okay, or at least would be okay as long as his mom didn’t tell his dad.

 

“I gotta get you home,” Grizz said as he took Sam’s hand, removing it from his cheek.

 

Sam nodded, and in silence the two boys dressed and gathered Sam’s things. Grizz was extra careful when they left the room, assuring his dad was in the living room, out of sight, before sneaking Sam out of there.

 

Being too dark to talk in the car, the two stayed silent the entire drive to Sam’s house. Grizz spent the time trying to calm himself down and telling himself that his mom already knew anyway, so nothing had changed. It was just really fucking terrifying that it could have been his dad who walked into his room and not his mom.

 

Grizz parked out the front of Sam’s house and turned to him, flicking on the interior light so they could talk.

 

“I’m so sorry, Sam. That was the last thing I wanted to happen tonight. I didn’t want to hide you but…” Grizz didn’t know how to explain.

 

“It’s okay, really, I get it,” Sam said, his kind eyes boring into Grizz’s, and Grizz knew he meant it.

 

“It won’t be like this forever, I promise. In a few months I won’t have to deal with my parents anymore and we won’t have to worry about anything,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m worried about you _now,_ ” Sam said.

 

“Why?”

 

“Will she hurt you because of this?” he asked.

 

“No, I don’t think so. It’ll be okay. She’s kept my secret for this long,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“You can stay here tonight,” Sam offered.

 

Grizz shook his head, “I’ll just be freaking out over what’s going on at home.”

 

Sam nodded in understanding before he leant over and kissed Grizz gently. Grizz sighed into the kiss, basking in how safe he felt whenever Sam kissed him like that.

 

“Text me, okay?” Sam requested as he pulled back.

 

“I will. I love you,” he said.

 

“Love you too,” Sam replied before giving Grizz one last kiss and getting out of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading but IMPORTANT NEWS: SUPER IMPORTANT: I started writing a spin off about Jason and Clark. It's called "Bros With Benefits", so if you're interested in that then please go check it out! If not, that's okay. :)


	38. PDA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 37 recap: Grizz noticed Elle was looking really tired/sick which culminated in her collapsing at lunch, but according to a text Campbell sent to Sam, she'll be fine. Sam and Becca hung out with Grizz's friends and it's just super great. Sam and Grizz hung out after school in Grizz's room because Grizz thought his parents would be gone for the night but SURPRISE they came home early. Grizz's mom figured out Sam was there and hiding in Grizz's closet and she's mad but she covered it up so his dad doesn't find out. Also Clark confided in Grizz that he and Jason kissed and he's confused af.

Grizz hopped down the stairs two at a time. He was freshly showered and dressed in clothes that, well, he picked out purely to impress Sam, even though Sam was already his and didn’t really need impressing anymore, Grizz still wanted to make an effort. He knew Sam liked him wearing button-up shirts, and he knew he liked him in tight jeans as well, even if Grizz really wasn’t a fan of them himself.

 

He went into the kitchen where he knew he left his car keys. He could hear the TV blaring in the living room so that meant his dad had settled in for the night, and usually his mom would be in there too, but instead, he found her sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of wine in her hand, staring directly ahead at the wall.

 

The past few days had been a bit strange at home. His mom hadn’t spoken to him or even so much as looked at him since she caught him with Sam. And his dad? Well, he was the same as always; indifferent. Grizz barely spoke to him in the first place. Grizz passed his mom’s line of sight as he snatched his keys from the counter.

 

“Where are you going?” her voice was croaky and distant. Grizz wondered how much she had to drink.

 

“There’s a party at the Pressman’s,” Grizz told her.

 

“Are you going with…that person?” she asked, lowering her voice.

 

“Sam?” his voice was just as quiet, scared that his dad might hear from the next room, “yeah. He’ll be there.”

 

At that, his mom stood up, wobbling on her two thin legs. He knew his mom enjoyed a wine or two every night, and he had also caught her drunk out of her mind on many occasions, but usually something happened to trigger it. Grizz wondered what. Could it be because he was gay and there was nothing she could do about it? No, it couldn’t be. She had known about him for weeks.

 

His mom walked right up to him, standing close, her breath reeking of alcohol as she exhaled heavily, “don’t come back here with him tonight.”

 

Grizz nodded. Of course he nodded. He would be stupid to ever bring Sam back home. Not after getting caught once. His mom patted his shoulder before she stumbled past him down the hall, probably heading to bed to sleep it off.

 

Not wanting his mom to ruin his night, Grizz followed through with his plans and left. Allie’s house was on the other side of town, but given that it was a small town to begin with, it didn’t take him very long to get there. What did take a while was finding somewhere on the street to park.

 

Grizz was late. He spent his entire Saturday walking around town and the mall handing out his résumé, not that he had much job experience written on it other than working as a life guard for the past two summers at the local pool. He just needed a job so he could have some sort of freedom if, or when, things with his parents eventually imploded. Having Luke’s offer of living with him eased the pressure, but he didn’t want to _just_ rely on that.

 

 

After finding a park, Grizz jogged up to the house and let himself in. Parties at the Pressman residence were usually packed with people, mostly because there were people from Allie’s grade, and her older sister, Cassandra’s too. Grizz was popular as it was, so he was bombarded with people greeting him as he made his way through the crowd. Mostly he was searching for his friends.

 

 

He spotted a girl with long, blonde, flowing curly hair just as she spotted him too. She wore a “seventeen” sash on her torso and a tiara on her head. She beamed as she skipped up to Grizz and flung her arms around him.

 

 

“Hey, Allie,” Grizz greeted.

 

 

“Grizz!” Allie shouted over the music, “thanks for coming!”

 

 

“Yeah, happy birthday,” he said as he pulled back. Grizz could tell she was drunk already. Her eyes were wide and so was her smile as she looked up at him in wonder.

 

 

“Thank you. This is why you’re a great guy. Always so nice,” she squeezed his cheeks.

 

 

 

He laughed, pushing her hands away, “thanks, uh, have you seen Luke or the others?”

 

 

 

“Hmm, Clark ‘n Jason are playing beer pong outside. Don’t know about the rest!” she exclaimed.

 

 

 

“Cool, thanks. I’ll catch you later,” Grizz said, placing a quick kiss on her cheek.

 

 

 

“You better,” she pushed him away before stumbling over to her friend, Will, or maybe he was her boyfriend. Grizz wasn’t too sure.

 

 

 

He headed outside, and just like Allie had promised, Clark and Jason were playing what looked to be an intense round of beer pong on a fold out table. Grizz didn’t really understand the two of them. He knew something happened; that they kissed. Clark had told him as much, but watching them, the way they talked, their body language, it was as if they were just friends and nothing had happened at all.

 

 

 

“Hey guys,” Grizz said as he got to them.

 

 

 

“Hey Grizzy, you’re just in time to see Clark lose,” Jason taunted, poking his tongue out at his best friend.

 

 

 

“Maybe I’m doing it on purpose to get free beer,” Clark shrugged, “I could win if I wanted to.”

 

 

 

“Oh yeah? Go for it. Get the ball in,” Jason challenged.

 

 

 

“What do I get if I do?” Clark asked.

 

 

 

“I’ll blow you,” Jason teased, and it was common sort of language between the two and was only meant as a joke.

 

 

 

“Fucking fag,” Clark teased back before glancing at Grizz with a guilty look, “sorry.”

 

 

 

Grizz merely rolled his eyes and ignored the comment, “you guys seen Sam?”

 

 

 

“Yeah, he was just here a few minutes ago with Becca,” Clark answered.

 

 

 

Grizz looked around but couldn’t see that signature dark red hair anywhere in the vicinity. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to do when he did see him, because usually he would keep his distance, but at the same time, wasn’t he planning on coming out to everyone eventually? He was getting more and more used to the idea of being out as long as his dad didn’t find out.

 

 

 

“Ha!” Clark boomed, “I fuckin’ told you I could win if I wanted to, bro.”

 

 

 

“Whatever, dude. You just got lucky,” Jason countered as he tossed his remaining ping pong ball at Clark.

 

 

 

“Play again?” Clark offered. Only, Jason was focusing on something else, or, someone else. Grizz followed his eyeline and saw Erica, Jason’s on and off again girlfriend, or fling, or hook up. Grizz wasn’t sure. No one really was.

 

 

 

“Nah, man, I got a date with that cutie over there,” Jason said with a nod towards the girl.

 

 

 

“Oh, okay, cool,” Clark said, and Grizz looked between the two of them, feeling the awkwardness, not that Jason even noticed.

 

 

 

“Dude, she’s so keen to hook up tonight. Wish me luck,” Jason said, wiggling his eyebrows. The boy downed his beer before slamming the cup down and heading off.

 

 

 

“Good luck!” Grizz called after him when Clark didn’t answer. Why? Because Clark was busy staring at Jason, watching him as he went off to Erica. Grizz eyed him carefully, wondering what exactly was going through his head. Usually Grizz didn’t care for his friend’s drama, but he found himself getting a little invested in whatever was going on between his two friends.

 

 

 

“What?” Clark asked defensively when he noticed Grizz scrutinizing him.

 

 

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Grizz shrugged.

 

 

 

Clark shifted on his feet uncomfortably before gesturing back to the house, “I need a drink. You coming?”

 

 

 

Grizz shrugged, “I’m not drinking tonight, but I’ll come with.”

 

 

 

“What do you mean you’re not drinking tonight?” Clark asked as the two headed inside.

 

 

 

“I had a big weekend last weekend. The thought of drinking makes me sick,” Grizz told him, not to mention he wanted to get out of there with Sam later and he couldn’t drive if he was drinking.

 

 

 

“Weak, man,” Clark chided.

 

 

 

Grizz ignored him as the two went into the kitchen, and Clark filled his cup with a little too much vodka. It was killing Grizz to stay there with Clark when all he wanted to do was find Sam, but he could be patient. He knew he would get time with Sam later and Clark, well, Clark was in a mood because of Jason and Grizz didn’t want to leave him alone.

 

 

 

The two were just about to leave the kitchen when they ran into Campbell and Elle who were walking in. Grizz hadn’t seen her since that day in the cafeteria when she passed out. He sized up the tiny blonde, and he really wanted to ask if she was okay. She looked just as terrible as she did earlier that week. Maybe even worse.

 

 

 

“Elle, hey, what the fuck happened to you the other day?” Clark asked, and Grizz mentally thanked him for the question.

 

 

 

“Oh,” Elle plastered on a smile, “that? That was nothing. I was just dehydrated is all.”

 

 

 

“We were all, like, super worried. Grizz was freaking,” Clark said. And Grizz wanted to punch him in the face for that comment.

 

 

 

“Just worried was all,” Grizz said, glancing to Campbell who was glaring at him.

 

 

 

“I bet you were. Come on, babe,” Campbell took her by the arm and led her away. Elle didn’t look at Grizz once through the entire encounter. He had that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he got every time he looked at Elle. The feeling that had him thinking something bad was going to happen. He just didn’t know when, or what would happen, or how to stop it.

 

 

 

“That was weird,” Clark said.

 

 

 

Grizz didn’t comment. He stepped out of the kitchen and headed to the living room with Clark hot on his trail. He spotted Luke on a couch with Helena on his lap straight away.

 

 

 

“Hey!” Grizz got their attention as he got to them. He sat on the arm of the couch with Clark standing next to him.

 

 

 

“When did you get here?” Luke asked.

 

 

 

“Not long ago,” Grizz replied.

 

 

 

“You’re late, as always,” Helena jeered.

 

 

 

“Hey, I’m not _always_ late,” Grizz asked.

 

 

 

“Just most the time,” Helena said with a sweet smile.

 

 

 

Grizz laughed the comment off and looked out at all the people grinding up against each other, and that was when he saw Sam, thankfully not grinding up against anyone. He was all the way over the other side of the room with Becca, Gordie and Cassandra. Grizz froze as Sam’s gaze locked on his. He hadn’t actually spoken to Sam about whether they would hang out at the party or not. He didn’t know if Sam would be mad if he were to not go over to him.

 

 

 

“Fuck this,” Clark muttered, distracting Grizz from his thoughts

 

 

 

Grizz looked up at him before following his eyeline, seeing exactly what had Clark all disgruntled. Jason was dancing with Erica, if you could even call it dancing. If they weren’t wearing clothes, they’d be having sex right there in the middle of the living room surrounded by dozens of others.

 

 

 

“What’s up with him?” Luke asked.

 

 

 

Grizz spun around, noticing Clark wasn’t there any longer. He was heading towards the kitchen.

 

 

 

“Don’t know,” Grizz lied as he jumped up from his spot and caught up with Clark. He grabbed his arm and pulled him to the corner of the room away from everyone, or as away as they could have been.

 

 

 

“Hey, what’s going on, man?” Grizz asked.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

“Are you, what…jealous?” Grizz asked, trying to coax some sort of an honest conversation from him.

 

 

 

“No,” Clark snorted.

 

 

 

“Clark…”

 

 

 

“What? I just don’t get it, okay? He makes out with me one night and then it’s like _nothing_ happened and now he’s all over her,” Clark snapped.

 

 

 

“So, you’re jealous,” Grizz said.

 

 

 

“Stop saying that,” he whispered harshly, glancing around at anyone nearby, making sure they weren’t listening in.

 

 

 

“Then why are you mad he’s with her?” Grizz asked.

 

 

 

“I don’t know.”

 

 

 

Grizz gave him a pointed look. The thing with Clark was that he always needed a bit of a push. He needed help figuring out what he was thinking and feeling, or at least admitting it, and Grizz felt maybe a little bit responsible for him as well. No one knew Clark was questioning himself, and Grizz wanted to help him, because he would’ve _killed_ for someone to do the same for him when he was figuring himself out.

 

 

 

“Okay listen, I’m not, like…into him, okay? I’m not. But…” Clark trailed off.

 

 

 

“But?”

 

 

 

“He offered friends with benefits, right? And I turned it down,” Clark sounded disappointed.

 

 

 

“And now you want to change your mind?” Grizz asked.

 

 

 

“Have you seen him shirtless and sweaty, Grizz? He damn near killed me earlier today,” he groaned. And yeah, Grizz _had_ seen Jason shirtless and sweaty, and well, Clark wasn’t exactly wrong.

 

 

 

“I still think it’s a bad idea, but if you want to hook up with him then why not tell him and he might want to hook up too?” Grizz suggested.

 

 

 

“Because he’s clearly into Erica,” Clark wildly gestured towards the two still dry humping. Grizz looked over at them, and yeah, Jason was all over her, touching her, kissing her, and…glancing over at them? He plastered his lips to Erica’s neck, and once again, looked over. Was he looking at Clark? Fuck, was Jason making sure Clark was watching him?

 

 

 

“Holy shit,” Grizz whispered, not at all audible over the music but Clark noticed it anyway.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

“You guys are fucking stupid,” Grizz said to him.

 

 

 

“Woah, lay off, man. We can’t all have it figured out like you, fuckface,” Clark spat.

 

 

 

 “You seriously think I have it all figured out? Dude, my boyfriend is over there and I’m too scared to go and even _talk_ to him in front of everyone,” Grizz said.

 

 

 

“Okay…okay…whatever. At least you know you like each other. I’m not even _into_ Jason like that I just wanna…” Clark trailed off again, looking over at Jason.

 

 

 

“Wanna what?” Grizz asked.

 

 

 

 “He’s so fucking hot. And I didn’t even realize it before we kissed, but he is. I wanna fucking jump him, Grizz,” Clark said, and Grizz could see the pain written all over his face.

 

 

 

“You need to talk to him before he ends up in bed with Erica then,” Grizz said.

 

 

 

 “I thought you were against this,” Clark said with a confused frown.

 

 

 

“I’m against you fucking up your friendship,” Grizz pointed out.

 

 

 

At that moment, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and saw the text from Sam.

 

 

 

 **I don’t want to be the jealous boyfriend but…God I wish I were Clark right now.** – Sam.

 

 

 

Grizz only just realized how he looked, standing in a corner close to Clark, really close because they didn’t want people to hear their conversation. Sam was still with his friends, only he was looking at Grizz, and Grizz could see the hint of hurt in his eyes even from over the other side of the room. Even though Sam had said time and time again that he wasn’t upset over the Clark kiss, Grizz knew there was still that little bit of jealousy about it.

 

 

 

What the fuck was Grizz doing? He was at this party and his boyfriend was right _there_. He was being dumb, staying away, as if he cared what anyone there thought about him. Sam was walking away from his friends, about to leave the room, and Grizz knew he had to do something.

 

 

 

“Get some balls, Clark. Tell him what you want,” Grizz said before patting him on the chest and leaving him there. It was all about priorities, and in that moment, and actually, on any given day, Grizz’s priority was Sam. He caught up to his boyfriend before he left the room, latching onto his arm. He turned in an instant, his eyes falling on Grizz.

 

 

 

“Grizz…” he spoke.

 

 

 

“You don’t wish you were Clark,” Grizz told him.

 

 

 

“Why not?”

 

 

 

“Because I don’t want to do this to him,” Grizz said, and before he got the chance to overthink it, he kissed Sam, right there in front of everyone. He kissed Sam, his tongue exploring Sam’s mouth and it was probably a little beyond the PDA that Grizz would have been comfortable with, but in that moment, he wanted everyone to know that he and Sam were together, and that was that.

 

 

 

When Grizz pulled back, his heart pounded erratically in his chest. Everything surrounding him was purely white noise. The fear he had about coming out vanished the moment he saw Sam smile. That was what mattered.

 

 

 

“Come sit over here with my friends,” Grizz nodded towards where Luke and Helena were. Grizz took Sam’s hand and led him over to the couch. The two sat down, side by side, not quite as close as what Helena and Luke were, but maybe that would have been pushing things a little too much.

 

 

 

“That was pretty fucking badass, man,” Luke said.

 

 

 

“Yeah, well…just tired of hiding things,” Grizz said before turning back to Sam, and focusing solely on him. His heart was still racing, and even though he told himself he didn’t care what they all thought, he still had a little trouble killing his natural panic instincts.

 

 

 

“Is everyone looking at us?” Grizz asked, but he didn’t dare to check himself.

 

 

 

Sam glanced around before himself, Luke and Helena all said ‘yes’ at the same time.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked if you wanted to do that first,” Grizz said to Sam.

 

 

 

“I wanted to,” Sam said with a smile.

 

 

 

Grizz heart warmed, the panic dying down. He was so in love, and he could finally let everyone know it. He leant forward and pressed his lips to Sam, not giving a single fuck if everyone was looking. At the same time, he kind of just wanted to get out of there with Sam, but he wasn’t going to run so quickly. He didn’t want it to look like he was scared, even if he sort of really was.

 

 

 

“Yes, Grizzy!” Jason hollered, “get it brother!”

 

 

 

Grizz laughed as he pulled back. Having most of his friends in that room had Grizz at ease. He felt supported. He felt accepted. He felt invincible. And the thing with high school was if people saw the popular kids doing something, the rest would follow.

 

 

 

“How’s your night been?” Grizz asked, keeping his eyes on Sam and no one else.

 

 

 

“Boring until you got here. You were late,” Sam said.

 

 

 

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Grizz said in annoyance, but there was smile clear on his face.

 

 

 

“Because it’s true,” Sam said as he linked his fingers with Grizz’s. It just felt right.

 

 

 

Clark came over to them and sat on the arm of the chair next to Sam, getting his attention.

 

 

 

“Oh, hi Clark,” Sam said to him.

 

 

 

‘Hey, how are you?’ Clark signed. Grizz grinned at him. Looks like he had paid attention to the small bit of sign language Grizz had taught him during gym the day before.

 

 

 

‘You know ASL?’ Sam signed back.

 

 

 

Clark looked at him with wide eyes before looking at Grizz.

 

 

 

“Grizz, help,” Clark said desperate.

 

 

 

Grizz chuckled, getting Sam to turn his attention to him before telling him, “I taught him a couple phrases.”

 

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

 

“He asked. Maybe he’s planning on stealing you from me,” Grizz suggested.

 

 

 

“I can hear you, you know,” Clark said, “and, I just want to be able to talk to my new friend.”

 

 

 

“He thinks you’re friends,” Grizz told Sam as he was still looking at him.

 

 

 

“Again, I can hear you!” Clark yelled at him.

 

 

 

“We can be friends,” Sam said to Clark.

 

 

 

“Yeah, see, everyone wants to be my friend,” Clark said.

 

 

 

Grizz just rolled his eyes at him. The group of them kept talking for a while. Gwen and Becca eventually ended up joining them too, sitting on the floor in front of them. It was just…good. It was all good. Grizz eventually broke out from his bubble and took in his surroundings. Sure, a few people were watching them, some obviously whispering to each other, gossiping, but it wasn’t _that_ bad. Some people even smiled at him; people that Grizz had never spoken to before in his life.

 

 

 

Grizz was broken from his thoughts as Sam leant in close to his ear, his warm breath sending shivers down his spine, “you know my parents are out of town tonight, right?”

 

 

 

“Really?” Grizz asked when Sam pulled back and focused on his lips.

 

 

 

“It’s their anniversary so they went away,” Sam said.

 

 

 

“Then what the fuck are we still doing here?” Grizz asked.

 

 

 

“You’re still here because you can stop thinking with your penises for five minutes and be with your friends,” Gwen said from the floor.

 

 

 

Grizz kicked her lightly before telling Sam, “Gwen says we’re staying.”

 

 

 

“What Gwen says goes,” Sam said. He placed his hand on Grizz’s thigh, giving it a firm squeeze. Looking into Sam’s eyes, Grizz knew _exactly_ what the boy was thinking. He really wanted to kiss him, but if he started that now then he’d get a bit too carried away and Grizz could wait until they were home and locked away in a bedroom where no one could interrupt them.

 

 

 

“Holy fuck, I just had to see it for myself,” a whiney, snarky voice spoke. Grizz, along with Sam and his friends, all looked up to see Dewey and a couple of other guys, younger guys, sophomores, maybe, the only people willing to follow someone as slimy as Dewey. He was the rat of the school and Grizz knew that whatever he was doing by confronting them, it wasn’t going to end well.

 

 

 

“What’s your problem, pin dick?” Gwen asked. Grizz shifted in his spot. All attention was once again on him and Sam.

 

 

 

“I have no problem. I just wanted to see if it were true and witness the freakshow for myself,” Dewey said with a snide smile, and that had Grizz’s blood boiling.

 

 

 

“Walk away, Dewey,” Grizz said through gritted teeth.

 

 

 

“Seriously. You’re like the only person here with a problem,” Helena said.

 

 

 

“Really, Helena? You preach at Sunday school like every week and you’re telling me you’re okay with this abomination?” Dewey asked. _Trash_. Dewey was complete trash, and Grizz was fuming but he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

 

 

 

“You just gonna sit there, Grizz?” Clark asked.

 

 

 

“He’s not worth the sore hand,” Grizz said, his eyes focused on Dewey in a challenge.

 

 

 

“Good thing I throw a good punch,” Clark said simply, “hold my beer.”

 

 

 

He thrust his cup into Grizz’s hand, and before Grizz even knew what was going on, Clark had punched Dewey right in the jaw, the skinnier boy tumbling into his friends and squeaking like the rat he was.

 

 

 

“Oh shit,” Grizz stood, ready to have his boy’s back, but the moment he was up, Sam was up too and holding him back.

 

 

 

Grizz could only watch on as the two minions pounced on Clark, swinging punches, and getting a few in despite the fact that Clark had an entire foot on them.

 

 

 

“Don’t you dare get involved!” Helena shouted at Luke, and it didn’t matter that their significant others were holding them back from a fight, because Jason, who was always up for throwing hands, jumped right on in there, easily tossing one of the minions from Clark before landing a punch in the middle of his nose.

 

 

 

It was all happening so quick, and Clark and Jason had it covered. Dewey and the other two were no match for them, but they did get a few hits in. The moment Dewey went after Clark again, Grizz shook free from Sam and got into the middle of it. He wasn’t a fan of fighting, but he was a fan of breaking them up. He stood between the minions and Clark and Jason, pushing the puny humans back.

 

 

 

“Know when to back off, you fucking morons!” Grizz shouted at them, but they weren’t the only ones Grizz had to worry about. Clark was losing it, and of course he was, because Dewey wasn’t just insulting Grizz and Sam. He was, although unknowingly, insulting Clark and Jason too.

 

 

 

“Stop, bro!” Jason yelled, pushing Clark back, “it’s done!”

 

 

 

Grizz stood there with Jason, a fuming Clark on one side, Dewey and his minions on the other, all of them huffing, puffing, bruised and a little bloody. Clark glared at Jason with a mixture of confusion and anger before storming off out of the room.

 

 

 

“Fuck fags, all of you,” Dewey spat.

 

 

 

Jason turned, getting up in his face and latching onto his shirt.

 

 

 

“Get the fuck out of here and _never_ talk to any of my friends again or else I’ll call my brothers up and we will hunt you the fuck down. We will take into the middle of the woods and kill you. Got it?” Jason snapped, and he could be really scary when he wanted to be, despite the fact that he on the inside he was the opposite.

 

 

 

Jason pushed Dewey into his friends and the three of them retreated, knowing there was no winning any kind of fight against Jason. Grizz breathed a sigh of relief once they were gone.

 

 

 

“You good?” Jason asked.

 

 

 

Grizz nodded, “yeah, I’m good.”

 

 

 

“I’m gonna check on Clark,” Jason said, and after Grizz gave another nod, he left the room in search for his friend. Grizz turned back to the others.

 

 

 

“Sorry,” was all he could say.

 

 

 

“Fuck off with the apologies. Dewey’s a dick,” Luke said.

 

 

 

“Dewey is a dick!” Allie added. She was one of the many people in the room who witnessed the fight. “No one here gives a shit if you’re gay, Grizz,” she turned to the crowd, “who here gives a shit if Grizz likes dick?!”

 

 

 

She was drunk, but at least she got Grizz and a whole lot of other people laughing. No one objected to her question.

 

 

 

“Who thinks it’s fucking hot as hell!?” Allie shouted, and people cheered. Grizz’s cheeks went hot, not liking that kind of attention at all. He really just did not want to be some sideshow for half the fucking school.

 

 

 

“Jesus Christ,” Grizz turned back to Sam, “can we go now?”

 

 

 

“Please,” Sam said as he got up.

 

 

 

“I’ll see you guys at school,” Grizz said to the others as he took Sam’s hand.

 

 

 

“See you, guys. Don’t let that little shit get to you,” Becca said.

 

 

 

“We won’t,” Grizz answered for the both of them, because despite the hiccup of the night that was Dewey, the night provided Grizz with a lot of positives as well. He finally came out to everyone. He seemingly had the support of most of the people there, or most of them simply did not care.

 

 

 

Grizz and Sam walked hand in hand out of the house and down the street towards Grizz’s car. Grizz was absolutely buzzing, the adrenaline in him was off the charts, and even though their time at the party was over, their night definitely wasn’t.

 

 

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked him as they got to the car.

 

 

 

Grizz stopped, turning to his boyfriend, and yeah, surprisingly Grizz was okay. He was more than okay because he had this burst of confidence that came with the bravery of coming out. He felt on top of the world. Sam couldn’t see his lips well enough in the dark, so instead of replying, Grizz pressed him against the passenger side of the car and kissed him hard.

 

 

 

Sam froze for a moment before kissing him back with just as much ferocity, pulling Grizz closer by his hips. Grizz whimpered into the kiss before pulling back. That would wait until they were alone.

 

 

 

“I need you in my bed, like, five minutes ago,” Sam said.

 

 

 

Grizz smiled and pecked his lips once more before opening the passenger side door and ushering Sam inside, eager for the two to get back to Sam’s house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry to end it there, but their night isn't over! Look forward to what they're gonna get up to in the next chapter. Handcuffs will be involved, because is it really a Grizzam fic if handcuffs aren't used?


	39. Experimenting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 38 recap: Grizz went to a party at Allie's. He hung out with his friends for a while (and Clark is SERIOUSLY into Jason but is CONFUSED) Grizz decided to kiss Sam in front of everyone to come out to them. It was all great until Dewey decided to pick on them which started a fight between Clark, Jason and Dewey's minions. It's all cool though because no one gives a fuck about what Dewey thinks (except maybe Clark). Grizz and Sam headed back to Sam's house where they have the house all to themselves.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead

The moment they entered Sam’s room and turned the light on, Sam’s eyes were on Grizz, concern written all over them.

 

“Are you really okay?” Sam asked.

 

“Are you?” Grizz countered, because really, that was his concern. Grizz felt just a little guilty, because after all, it was his decision to come out to everyone so it was kind of his fault for the drama that followed.

 

“Yeah, I’ve been out forever. None of that’s new for me,” Sam said.

 

Grizz took a step towards his boyfriend, taking his hands in his, and looking him in the eyes, “that doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it.”

 

“I’m fine, seriously,” Sam said, and Grizz could tell he was telling the truth.

 

“Good. My heart is, like, racing though,” Grizz said.

 

“In a good way, or a bad way?” Sam asked, eyeing him in curiosity.

 

“I don’t know. Like…it’s so, like…fuck, Sam. Kissing you in front of everyone? I didn’t plan on that and I don’t fucking care about what Dewey thinks, but everyone else seemed okay with it?” Grizz questioned, because he didn’t really know if he was right. He tried his best not to take in everyone’s reactions, so he hoped Sam had for him.

 

 “You’d be surprised how many people are,” Sam said encouragingly, and that was a good enough answer.

 

“I can’t believe I just came out to everyone. Just like that,” Grizz said, his excitement bubbling. And honestly, he was just glad that it wasn’t anxiety.

 

“Yeah, you did,” Sam said, smiling proudly.

 

“I feel so….so…” Grizz trailed off at a loss for words.

 

“So?”

 

Grizz sighed, and well, there was only one way to really express how he felt. He let go of Sam’s hands and took his face in them instead, stepping forward and pressing their lips together. Filled with adrenaline and desire for Sam, Grizz walked him backwards, heading for the bed. Sam followed his every movement, right up until the back of his legs hit the bed and Grizz pushed him down, crawling on top of him.

 

Grizz straddled his boyfriend, kissing him hard. It was unlike him to take the lead like that, but he was on a bit of a high and _God_ did he _need_ Sam in that moment. The two of them knew their night would end up in bed together so it wasn’t exactly out of nowhere that Grizz had pounced on him.

 

Sam, not being able to keep his hands to himself, as usual, began undoing the buttons on Grizz’s shirt, not that he was complaining. Grizz slid his hand up under Sam’s shirt, feeling his way up his boyfriend’s torso to his chest. God he really fucking loved touching Sam’s body. His hand drifted up further, slipping up under the collar of Sam’s shirt before circling his fingers around his neck.

 

Sam latched on Grizz’s wrist and pulled his hand away from his neck. Pushing himself up, Grizz looked down at Sam’s panicked expression. The boy blinked a few times before going back to normal.

 

“You don’t like that?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam let out a heavy exhale, “it’s okay. Sorry.”

 

“Don’t say sorry. You’re supposed to tell me if you don’t like something. I didn’t know about that. I’m sorry,” Grizz said.

 

Sam shook his head, “it’s dumb.”

 

“What is?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shook his head again before letting go of Grizz’s wrist, and instead, pulling him down to kiss him again. Grizz’s hadn’t even applied any pressure to his neck, and it wasn’t like he was going to choke him, because he wasn’t. He didn’t argue that though, because Sam didn’t like it and that was all that mattered. Grizz pulled back, studying Sam’s face, just to make sure he hadn’t actually upset him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz told him.

 

“It’s okay,” Sam laughed.

 

“I’m still sorry,” Grizz murmured. To make it up to his boyfriend, he leant down, kissing his collarbone. He littered his neck with kisses, every inch of it, until Sam starting giggling with every ticklish touch. He pushed Grizz away, the other boy looking down once more, happy to see the genuine smile on his boyfriend’s face.

 

“So, we really have the house all to ourselves?” Grizz asked.

 

“Until Campbell comes home,” Sam nodded.

 

Grizz was _not_ going to let Campbell ruin this. He didn’t care if Campbell came home, and he didn’t care what Campbell heard when he did. Grizz got up off the bed and went over to the door, flicking the lock. He went back over to Sam, about to find his place on top of him again, but he sat up, holding his hand out to stop him.

 

“Wait,” Sam ordered.

 

“What?”

 

Sam ignored him and instead, got on his hands and knees on the floor. He searched under his bed before he found what he wanted. He stood up, facing Grizz, and held out the objects; a set of handcuffs and a key that looked all too familiar.

 

“Did you take those from my room?” Grizz accused.

 

“Maybe,” Sam said with an innocent smile.

 

“When?!”

 

“The other night. I put them in my bag when you were in the bathroom. I was going to suggest using them that night but, you know,” Sam said, referring to the night Grizz’s parents came home all too early.

 

“Oh,” Grizz said, a little confused, “so, what, you want me to show you a magic trick?”

 

“No,” Sam smiled, “that’s not what I want you to do with them.”

 

“What do you want?” Grizz played dumb.

 

Sam shrugged as he sat on the edge of the bed, “I’ve been kind of thinking about these ever since we played Fugitives.”

 

“What _exactly_ have you been thinking about them?” Grizz asked, and boy had this conversation turned very, very interesting.

 

“Wondering if you’d ever use them on me,” Sam said.

 

And honestly, that was really hot, Grizz’s cheeks went bright red. He couldn’t handle Sam. He really fucking couldn’t.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz said as he went to Sam. He pushed him further onto the bed before straddling his hips.

 

“So, it _is_ a kink of yours?” Sam teased with a grin.

 

“What, like you don’t have kinks?” Grizz asked.

 

“I like calling guys daddy,” Sam said without missing a beat.

 

Grizz’s eyes went wide, “really?”

 

“No,” Sam snorted in laughter.

 

“Thank god, because, I mean, I’d do it for you, but it’d be weird,” Grizz said.

 

“Aww, how sweet,” Sam said, sitting up to give Grizz a quick kiss. He lay back again, looking up at his boyfriend in curiosity, “so…do you like wearing them or do you like other people wearing them?”

 

Grizz shrugged, “I’ve never used them before so I don’t know.”

 

Fiddling with the handcuffs, Sam unlocked them before giving Grizz the key. Grizz could do nothing except look on in wonder as Sam shuffled out from underneath him. He went up to the metal bars at the top of the bed before he snapped one cuff around one of his wrists, weaved the chain through one of the bars, and snapped the other cuff on his other wrist. He lay there, cuffed to the bed, looking at Grizz, who was so fucking turned on by the sight that he could hardly breathe.

 

“You’re going to kill me one day, I swear to God,” Grizz said. He set the key on the bedside table before he crawled over to Sam. He situated himself between Sam’s legs and hovered over him, sizing him up.

 

“I think I like this,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh, really?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, because you always misbehave and can’t keep your hands to yourself. And now I can do whatever I want to you,” Grizz said. It was all in good fun, and Grizz basked in the knowledge that he and Sam could do a lot of this; figuring out what they liked and didn’t like. It wasn’t something he had really thought about. He was content in their emotional connection. He loved Sam, obviously, and sex, or fooling around, wasn’t that important to him. It was merely the cherry on top of the cake.  

 

“And what do you want to do to me?” Sam asked, his eyes going dark. Grizz had a serious answer for that, because he had been thinking of something all week.

 

“Remember last weekend where you were saying you were scared of sex for the first time because of how it might feel?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You were meaning, like, bottoming might hurt, right?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam cheeks went a deep red as he nodded.

 

“You don’t have to bottom, you know. Like…I can. I don’t mind. I mean, I want to, probably, at some stage. I want to do it all so…like, you don’t have to if you’re scared or don’t want to,” Grizz said.  

 

“I want to,” Sam said quickly, “sometimes it’s all I can think about.”

 

Grizz grinned, more than happy with that answer. He was a strong believer in communication being the key to a relationship, even if it could be a little embarrassing.

 

“Okay…well…I don’t want you to be scared though, so I was thinking…” Grizz trailed off, trying to find the right words without sounding too forward, even if what he was proposing _was_ forward.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“We could, like…practice? I don’t know if that’s the right word?” Grizz said.

 

“What do you have in mind?” Sam asked.

 

“You said you wanted to work our way up to it, right?” Grizz said, hoping he was on the right track here with what Sam really wanted.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, uh…I mean, we can…I can, uh, get you used to having something…in…there?” Grizz said slowly, hopping his stuttering didn’t mean he’d have to repeat himself because he already felt awkward enough saying it. He just wanted to _do_ it, but needed Sam to say yes.

 

Sam snorted, of course, finding Grizz’s discomfort amusing. “Are you really ready for that when you can’t even say the words?”

 

Grizz glared at him, taking on the silent challenge, and bluntly asking, “can I put my fingers in you?”

 

Sam bit back a smile before nodding, “okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Cool. Do you have lube?” Grizz asked.

 

“Top drawer,” Sam nodded to the bedside table.

 

“Easy access?” Grizz teased.

 

“Shut up,” Sam snapped.

 

Grizz just smiled before reaching over to the drawer and opening it. He felt around until, sure enough, he found a bottle. He took it out, feeling how light it was.

 

“It’s almost empty. Been busy?” Grizz teased before setting the bottle down next to them.

 

“I hate you,” Sam glared as he tugged on the handcuffs.

 

“No, you don’t,” Grizz argued.

 

Before Sam could say anything else, Grizz kissed him. It turned on Grizz just knowing that Sam was laying there, all his, waiting for him to do things to him, being willing and compliant about it. Well, kind of compliant. Never the submissive type, Sam was quick to lock his thighs around Grizz’s waist and pull him in close. Sam arched his back, rocking up and down against him. The moment Grizz felt Sam’s hard bulge against his own, he knew he wanted to get Sam out of those constrictive clothes.

 

Grizz sat up, a little out of breath but not tired in the slightest. He pulled Sam’s shirt up over his head and left it at his wrists in a bunch. He undid Sam’s jeans, desperate to get them off. Sam wriggled around, helping him the best he could. Grizz pulled them off with ease, along with Sam’s briefs, and threw them across the other side of the room.

 

Grizz paused for a moment, taking in the sight before him. Naked Sam was Grizz’s favorite Sam, he just decided in that moment.

 

“My eyes are up here,” Sam said.

 

“I know,” Grizz nodded, and purposefully kept looking down at Sam’s hard cock against his thigh. Grizz wrapped his hand around it and gave it a few quick tugs. Grizz was kind of proud of himself for the confidence he had gained around Sam. Then again, Sam made it so easy to be comfortable with him.

 

Grizz leant down and pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s again in a kiss that quickly turned messy. He kept stroking him, enjoying the way Sam’s hips moved up and down with each tug. As turned on as Grizz was, and he was unbelievably turned on, this was about more than just hooking up or getting off. He wanted to take care of Sam. He wanted Sam to feel safe and comfortable with him as they took this small step in their physicality towards each other, because he knew how much Sam wanted to have sex.

 

It wasn’t that Grizz didn’t want it too. He wanted to have sex with Sam _so fucking bad_ , to be with him completely, but he didn’t want to rush it. Tonight wasn’t the night for that. Adrenaline was still pumping through Grizz’s veins from what happened at the party. He was buzzing, and his mind wasn’t clear enough. He wasn’t prepared, and being the overthinker that he was, he needed a set plan for when and how he was going to sleep with Sam, and Sam needed to be on the same page.

 

“Grizz, come on,” Sam begged against his lips. And, right, he got lost in his thoughts.

 

Grizz obeyed the order. He sat up on his knees and grabbed the bottle of lube, and well, fuck. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing. Of course he knew, in theory, what he was doing, but being there, with Sam below him, waiting, well he just didn’t want to fuck it up. Grizz had done a lot of research, both scientific anatomy research, and well, porn and reading stories, and God he just wanted to do this right.

 

“Tell me if it doesn’t feel right, okay?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded.

 

“Have you ever…you know…put anything in there before?” Grizz asked.

 

“What do you think?” Sam asked, his cheeks once again going red. Grizz found it incredibly endearing that there was at least one thing Sam was shy about.

 

“Just…fingers, or?” Grizz asked curiously.

 

Sam nodded, “haven’t gone past two.”

 

Grizz swallowed hard. The thought of Sam doing that to himself, well, Grizz was hard enough as it was. He undid his own belt and the buttons on his jeans, just to give himself a bit of breathing room.

 

“Fuck these handcuffs, I wanna touch you,” Sam pleaded.

 

“No. If you touch me, I’m not gonna be able to concentrate and I wanna do this right,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m not a science experiment,” Sam teased.

 

“You aren’t?” Grizz played dumb.

 

“Just…God you’re annoying. Just do it,” Sam demanded.

 

“Someone’s desperate,” Grizz commented.

 

“You just wait until it’s your turn,” Sam threatened.

 

“Okay, okay,” Grizz gave in, “and remember, tell me if you want me to stop.”

 

Sam nodded again, giving Grizz the greenlight. He flicked open the bottle of lube and soaked his fingers with it. With Sam’s thighs still up on his hips, Grizz reached down between them.

 

“Stop looking at me,” Sam said, once again going all shy.

 

“I like looking at you,” Grizz said, but he respected Sam’s wishes and closed the gap between them, kissing him gently.

 

Grizz, slowly, carefully, slid his first finger into Sam. His kiss faltered for only a second, but then Sam kissed him harder, and Grizz figured it was okay. He hoped Sam liked it. He really did, because the two could fantasize all they wanted about how much they wanted to have sex with each other, but thinking about it and doing it were two different things, and there was the possibility that Sam might not enjoy it all.

 

Grizz had read about that, about how some guys really did _not_ enjoy bottoming, and some loved it. Grizz was certain that he would love anything that Sam could do to him. Sam, on the other hand, wasn’t giving away if he liked it. He just kissed Grizz as Grizz moved his finger in and out.

 

“Okay,” Sam breathed against Grizz’s lips, “another.”

 

Grizz obeyed. Being careful, and of course, going slow, he slid in another finger. Sam whimpered against his lips. Grizz pulled back, looking down at his boyfriend beneath him. His cheeks were still red, but Grizz was sure it wasn’t out of embarrassment anymore. Sam nodded, giving Grizz the go-ahead to move.

 

Grizz kissed him again as he moved his fingers in and out. Sam began wriggling against him, moving his hips up and down, and moaning. Grizz could tell Sam liked it, and he was happy, so fucking happy that he could make Sam feel that way. After a little while, Grizz pulled back and Sam looked to his lips.

 

“One more?” Grizz asked.

 

“Please,” Sam breathed.

 

Not wanting to hurt Sam, Grizz poured on a bit more lube, and watching Sam to take in his reactions, he slid a third finger in. Sam tensed, biting on his bottom lip, but there was no protest, so Grizz kept going.

 

“You okay?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded, “it’s…it’s good. I like it.”

 

Grizz smiled, and took Sam’s answer as a blessing to give some movement. He slid his fingers in and out, eliciting a soft moan from him. Sam relaxed a little, almost like putty in Grizz’s hands. Grizz was so damned careful, touching Sam like he was some sort of delicate flower, so Grizz shouldn’t have been surprised when Sam got tired of that pretty quickly.

 

“You can go faster,” Sam said.

 

“So needy,” Grizz teased.

 

Sam just nodded, and that was when things changed. The hard part was over. Sam _obviously_ liked the feeling of Grizz’s fingers in him and it didn’t take him long to get used to it either. The mission was accomplished. So, all Grizz wanted to do from that point, was make Sam come.

 

Grizz shuffled back, not daring to remove his fingers. He bent over and, after a quick glance at Sam who was watching him, licked Sam’s cock from base to tip. Sam swore, his head lulling back into his pillow. He was so hard that Grizz didn’t know how long he’d last. All he knew was that he wanted Sam in his mouth, so he did just that.

 

He kept moving his fingers in and out of Sam, changing directions, taking note of what made Sam moan a little louder, or what made him buck his hips. Grizz sucked him harder, and honestly, he had no idea how Sam had lasted so long, because if it were him, he’d be done for long ago.

 

“Grizz,” Sam breathed, “Grizz…”

 

Grizz wanted to tell Sam that it was okay, that he had him, that he could let go. Instead, he kept going, knowing Sam would’ve killed him if he stopped. Sam writhed under him and it wasn’t too long after that when he gave off the tell-tale signs that was close. It was all in Sam’s breathing, Grizz noticed, how it quickened. And Grizz could feel it too, how Sam tensed around him.

 

“Let’s…let’s do it, Grizz. Fuck, let’s just…do it,” Sam panted, and fuck, Grizz wanted to, but Sam was almost there. Grizz knew he was, and taking advantage of him when he was so close to that high was something Grizz was not going to do.

 

 _Come on, baby_ , Grizz spoke mentally, as if Sam could read his mind. Sam pulled at the handcuffs, making them clang against the metal bar over and over.

 

“Grizz…please…before I…fuck…” Sam spoke, and just as he did, he came. Grizz was expecting it, even if the warning came a little too late. He kept going, making sure Sam was well and truly satisfied. Sam panted, his chest heaving up and down as he came down from his peak. Only when Sam’s body relaxed did Grizz pull back, slowly taking his fingers out.

 

Sam whined as he looked down at Grizz, his hair a mess, his cheeks still flushed, his eyes dark. Grizz couldn’t help but smile as him as he crawled up to him. He placed a quick kiss on his lips before looking down at him.

 

“Sorry…I’m sorry…I wasn’t supposed to that quick,” Sam breathed.

 

“It’s okay, I knew you were close anyway,” Grizz told him.

 

“Didn’t you hear me?” he asked.

 

“When?”

 

“When I said we should do it?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz grinned, nodding, “yeah, I heard you.”

 

“So why didn’t you stop?” he asked.

 

“Another place, another time, okay?” Grizz said, looking Sam in the eyes. Sam just kept looking at Grizz lips before nodding in agreement.

 

“That was really good,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, like…really, really good,” Sam said with a shy laugh, and God it was infectious.

 

“Are you still worried?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shook his head, giving a smile, “no. I trust you.”

 

Fuck, Grizz was so head over heels in love with this boy. He kissed him again, their tongues sliding together. He had never felt as close to Sam as he did in that moment, and he was over the moon knowing that he had someone to share these experiences with; someone to get to know every single little aspect about. Grizz had no idea love could feel this way.

 

“Uncuff me. Your turn,” Sam said as he turned his head out of the kiss. Grizz could only obey because he was still ridiculously hard in his jeans.

 

Grizz sat up, taking his shirt off properly in the process because it was pretty hot in there by that point. He reached over to the bedside table, picking up the key before going back to Sam. As much as he enjoyed having Sam locked up, the thought of what Sam could do to him had him all the more excited. Grizz unlocked one half of the handcuff, setting one of Sam’s wrists free, only before he could get to the second one, Sam grabbed Grizz’s wrist and the cuff, promptly handcuffing Grizz to not only the bed, but Sam as well.

 

And then, Grizz _dropped the fucking key._

 

In the surprise of Sam pulling a fast one on him, the key slipped from his fingertips, falling down behind the bed. It wouldn’t have been that bad, if he hadn’t heard the clanging of metal on metal.

 

“Sam!” Grizz chastised. He pulled himself up to look past the bars and, oh shit. There was a vent embedded in the floor. And there Grizz could see, past the grill, the shine of the key. He dropped the key _down the vent_ , the vent which was secured to the floor with screws.

 

Grizz looked back to Sam, his eyes wide, because there he and Sam were, handcuffed to the bed together, Sam completely naked and Grizz close to it, without a key. Sam, obviously realizing what he had just done, shrunk against the bed, avoiding Grizz’s eyes.

 

“Oops,” Sam said.

 

Grizz took Sam’s face, making him look at him, “oops? Oops? Sam, we’re stuck.”

 

“What? No,” Sam shook his head, “we can…I mean…can you reach the vent?” Sam asked.

 

“It’s screwed to the floor. I don’t suppose you have any tools in here, right?” Grizz asked.

 

“Uhm…no,” Sam said, and he knew he was in trouble, and if he wasn’t so adorable, Grizz would have been mad.

 

Grizz sat up and looked around, hoping that something would jump out at him. Maybe if he made it to the desk then something could be in there that could help them. The thing was, Sam had a big bed. Big enough that Grizz, being handcuffed where he was, couldn’t possibly get off it to even move the bed to, oh, maybe the other side of the room so Sam could get some clothes. No, they were stuck. They were fucked.

 

 Grizz rifled through the bedside table, but there was nothing that could help them. He looked back at Sam who was sitting up now and chewing nervously on his bottom lip.

 

“Any ideas?” Grizz asked.

 

“You’re supposed to be a magician, right? Magic us out,” Sam suggested.

 

“I’m terrible at magic, I could never figure out how to pick the lock,” Grizz said, “not that there are any pins around.”

 

“I’m sorry, please don’t break up with me,” Sam said quickly.

 

Grizz just rolled his eyes at him and took his phone out of his back pocket.

 

“Oh, yeah, call Becca,” Sam said. Grizz nodded, because well, he could call his friends, but for Sam’s sake he would rather have someone he’s close to see him like this. At least they had blankets to cover them.

 

Grizz found Becca’s number and tried calling her, but he got no answer. Then, he tried Helena, the next best option, only because Grizz knew she wasn’t drinking that night and could drive. The phone rang a couple of times before she picked up.

 

“Helena!” Grizz shouted in relief.

 

He could hear talking on the other end, but he couldn’t make out a thing she was saying. It was loud in the background, really loud.

 

“I can’t hear you!” Grizz shouted, hoping in the very least that she could hear him, “I’ll text you. I need help!”

 

Grizz hung up and quickly typed out a text, knowing that he would never, ever in a million years hear the end of this from her.

 

 **I need your help!!! I’m at Sam’s in his room and long story short we’re handcuffed to his bed and we lost the key. Come to his house please! His parents aren’t here so just let yourself in (key is under the 3 rd gnome along the garden path) and bring a screw-driver pls!** – Grizz.

 

 **OMG HAHAHA Be right there.** – Helena.

 

 **DO NOT TELL LUKE AND THE OTHERS!!!** – Grizz.

 

“Helena’s coming,” Grizz said.

 

“Helena?”

 

“Designated driver,” Grizz told him.

 

“She’s going to get God to smite us, isn’t she?” he asked.

 

Grizz laughed, shaking his head, “no. She’ll be just as embarrassed as we are.”

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot,” Sam apologized, looking genuinely bad for it.

 

“Yeah, you are. But you’re my idiot so…” Grizz shrugged.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Sam said again.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz said and pecked a quick kiss on his lips before pulling back, because they would only have a few minutes until Helena was there and Grizz really didn’t need to get turned on again. Grizz pushed his jeans down, taking them off.

 

“What are you doing?” Sam asked.

 

“Not letting you be naked,” Grizz said, offering the jeans and leaving himself in his boxers, “put them on.”

 

Not arguing, Sam took them and Grizz helped him shuffle into them. They were obviously a little bit too big for him, but they would do.

 

“You’re not hard anymore?” Sam asked.

 

“No,” Grizz laughed, because _that_ was what Sam was concerned about? Of course.

 

“I had so many things I wanted to do to you,” Sam said, and those words sent a jolt of electricity right through Grizz, right to his crotch.

 

“Don’t turn me on when Helena will be here any second,” Grizz said.

 

“You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you’d just fucked me like I asked,” Sam said. There was another jolt. Sam was trying to kill him, wasn’t he?

 

“It wasn’t the time,” Grizz told him.

 

“How do you think our first time will be?” Sam asked curiously.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“As if you haven’t thought about it,” Sam said, and he was right. He knew Grizz a little too well.

 

“Okay, fine,” Grizz answered, “I figure we could go somewhere, not to either of our houses. Maybe like a hotel, because I don’t want us to get interrupted. And I don’t know…we could go out and have a nice dinner first, and then…go back to our room, and there could candles and rose petals on the bed. Romantic shit like that.”

 

“You are…such a girl,” Sam teased.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz laughed, hating Sam then more than ever. Couldn’t he just take things seriously for once? Grizz was so used to it though that he let it slide.

 

“I’m kidding. You’re sweet. And that sounds perfect,” Sam said.

 

“What about you? How do you imagine it?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t care when or how. Could’ve been tonight. Could be in a week in the back seat of your car. Could be at a party. Doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s with you,” Sam said.

 

“We are _not_ doing it in the back seat of my car. Not the first time anyway,” Grizz said.

 

“That sounds promising,” Sam said as he leant in closer to Grizz and pressed their lips together. Grizz could have very easily been carried away with the kiss, only he wasn’t, because he heard a sound downstairs; the sound of a door. And, not only that, but he heard voices. Lots of voice.

 

“Oh no,” Grizz groaned as he pulled away from Sam. Sam just looked at him with a frown, questioning his reaction.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz said.

 

“For?”

 

“Just don’t break up with me,” Grizz said, and he shuffled around on the bed so he could pull the blanket out from underneath him and pull it on top of them instead.

“Grizz?” Sam asked, getting impatiently.

 

“Helena’s not alone,” Grizz told him. Sam’s eyes went wide in understanding, before he started laughing, and _of course_ he would find this funny, because they weren’t _his_ friends, they were Grizz’s friends, so Grizz would be the one to bear the brunt of the jokes.

 

The hooting and hollering coming from his friends got louder and louder, and he heard them opening and closing doors before they got to Sam’s. They burst in; a flurry of excitement. Luke, Jason, Clark, Helena, and Gwen piled in, all laughing their asses off, and making Grizz hate each of them as much as the other.

 

“Holy shit! You weren’t kidding!” Jason boomed.

 

“Oh my God. Oh my God. This is the best, Grizz, are you fucking kidding me? You _handcuffed_ yourself to a bed and told people about it? Are you stupid?” Gwen cackled.

 

“Oh buddy, oh man, oh no,” a drunken Luke said with wide eyes.

 

“Handcuffs, huh?” Clark spoke with a thoughtful look behind his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry! Grizz! I’m sorry! Luke was with me when I got the text and he gathered the troops. It’s all his fault! Not mine, I swear!” Helena defended.

 

“Shut up all of you! Helena, I swear to God I hate you right now! Just tell me one of you have a screw-driver!” Grizz yelled to shut them up. He just wanted them _gone_.

 

“You’re a screw-driver,” Jason snorted.

 

“Aaaah good one!” Gwen high fived him.

 

“Are you guys, like, naked under there?” Helena asked.

 

“No,” Grizz snapped.

 

“Did you…just have sex?” Clark asked, his face contorting into a grimace.

 

“Did you?!” Grizz snapped right back at him and the second he did, Clark looked over at Jason with bugged eyes. No one else caught on, except Sam, surprisingly, who must have been paying attention to Clark at that moment, and who then muttered ‘knew it’ under his breath. That was something Grizz would have to talk to Clark about later.

 

“Where’s the condom!?” Gwen shrieked, “do you still have it on?”

 

“Fuck you, we didn’t have sex, now would someone move the fucking bed and unscrew the vent!” Grizz yelled at them.

 

“Is that lube?” Luke asked.

 

“I think it is,” Helena said.

 

“Is that a good brand?” Clark asked.

 

“Bed! Move! Now!” Grizz ordered.

 

All the while, Sam was sitting there next to him with an amused smile on his face. At least he wasn’t upset, so that was something.

 

“Where’s the vent?” Helena, the only clearly sober one of the group, asked.

 

“Near the wall,” Grizz pointed behind him.

 

“Clark, Jason, move the bed,” Helena demanded.

 

“Why us?” Clark asked.

 

“Because that’s all you’re good for, now move the fucking bed,” Grizz snapped.

 

“That was mean,” Clark pouted, but he and Jason each went to the end of the bed and pulled on it until it was moved far enough back. Helena, screw driver in hand, crouched down behind the bed and Grizz watched on as she unscrewed each corner of the vent.

 

“Are you guys gonna continue when we leave?” Gwen asked curiously.

 

“All of you here is enough to kill any erection I’ll ever get for the rest of my life,” Grizz said dramatically.

 

“I won’t let that happen,” Sam blurted out. Grizz looked at him to see Sam looking back, and he couldn’t help but smile knowing how uncomfortable that probably made his friends.

 

“Aight, I’m out. I’ll be in the car,” Clark dismissed himself. Grizz looked over just in time to see him leave the room.

 

“Yeah, laters. Happy fucking,” Jason said, but he was obviously distracted by Clark leaving. Well, it was obvious to Grizz anyway, and he wondered just what in the world those two were up to. Jason left, and then there were only three intruders; Helena who was working on the vent, Luke who looked so drunk he would probably pass out soon, and Gwen who was looking at Grizz and Sam with a giant smile and bright eyes.

 

“What the fuck is going on here?” a new voice joined the mix.

 

Grizz’s head snapped to the door, and _of course_ it was Campbell, with Elle. Of course, two more people had to show up and witness probably the most embarrassing moment of Grizz’s life.

 

“Nothing,” Grizz said. He nudged Sam, gesturing to the door. Sam looked around, seeing his brother there.

 

“Oh, hi,” Sam said.

 

“Are you…are you cuffed together?” Campbell asked as he signed, a smirk playing on his lips.

 

“Maybe,” Sam said.

 

“And the rest of you are here because?” Campbell asked.

 

“Got it!” Helena declared.

 

Grizz spun around the best he could and saw Helena produce the key.

 

“Still not forgiven for bringing everyone here, but it’s a good start,” Grizz said as he took the key. He unlocked himself and Sam, freeing them from their little prison.

 

“Seriously?” Campbell asked.

 

“It’s fucking hilarious!” Gwen broke out in laughter once more.

 

“It’s…” Campbell spoke and then he started signing quickly. None of them, even with Grizz’s little knowledge, knew what he was saying except for Sam. Grizz looked to Sam, but all he did was look away from Campbell, a frown on his face.

 

“We should go,” Helena said.

 

“A good idea. Thanks for helping out my little brother,” Campbell said with his best, and in Grizz’s opinion fakest, smile.

 

“Aww do we have to go? This is so much fun,” Gwen whined.

 

“Yes, let’s go, both of you,” Helena said as she ushered both Gwen and Luke out of the room.

 

“Thank you!” Grizz called after them.

 

They were gone, and then there were four. Grizz glanced at Elle, the girl silently standing behind Campbell, her eyes glossed over and fixated on the door frame. He didn’t watch her for much longer though. He was well aware of Campbell’s eyes on him.

 

“Try and keep it down, will you?” Campbell said.

 

“Sure,” Grizz nodded, eager to keep the peace.

 

Campbell shut the door and Grizz listened out for a moment to see if he said anything to Elle, but he couldn’t hear a thing. Grizz groaned, flopping down to the bed. Sam lay down next to him, and Grizz could feel his eyes on him. As embarrassed as Grizz was, and as disappointed as he was that their night had been ruined, he had something else on his mind. He turned his head to Sam.

 

“What did he sign to you just now?” Grizz asked.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Sam said dismissively.

 

“Yes, it does. It upset you,” Grizz said.

 

“Nothing he could say could upset me,” he said before promptly getting on top of Grizz, the length of his body weighing Grizz down. Sam went to kiss him, but Grizz turned his head, giving him a pointed look. The other rolled his eyes, sighing.

 

“He said we’re disgusting, that’s all,” Sam said.

 

“He’s a fucking asshole,” Grizz snapped, his blood boiling.

 

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you. Don’t worry about him. Just relax,” Sam said, and Grizz let him kiss him that time. He couldn’t be distracted from how much he hated Campbell though, and he was even more pissed that their fun night had been essentially ruined by one comment from him. Losing the key and being embarrassed in front of his friends was bad, but didn’t make him angry or upset. This though? Sam’s own brother being such a piece of shit? Grizz wanted to go out there and give him a piece of his mind.

 

Grizz knew Sam was trying to take his mind off it, so he didn’t dwell or ask any more questions. Grizz would be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed Sam do this to distract him in the past. Kissing was fine, but when Sam’s hand drifted in Grizz’s boxers, Grizz had to stop him. He held his wrist, making him pull back and look down at him with a questioning look.

 

“Not really in the mood anymore. I’m sorry,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled, shaking his head, “don’t be, it’s okay. I’m going to clean up. I’ll be right back.”

 

Grizz nodded, and the warmth of Sam’s body left his before he ran out of the room. With Sam gone, Grizz got up and put the bed back in its place. By the time he did that and cleaned up a little, Sam was back.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Grizz told him, and he left the room.

 

He headed to the bathroom and did his business, washed his hands and, well, he didn’t really know what made him stop right in front of Campbell’s closed door, but he did. He stopped there as a sinking feeling set in his stomach. It was quiet, really quiet, in the hallway, at least. Grizz stepped forward, careful not to make the floorboards squeak. He probably, to an outsider, looked like he was being a perv or something when he pressed his ear to the door.

 

He held his breath. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, whether he expected to hear yelling, arguing, or the sound of Campbell beating her. He didn’t hear any of that though. What he heard, after at least a minute of standing there, was the creaking of the bed and the consistent slapping of skin on skin, followed by the moan of a girl. Grizz sighed, taking a step back.

 

He didn’t like it. He had _never_ liked Campbell and Elle’s relationship. He always had a feeling of unease whenever he saw them together, but he was pretty sure they were having sex, and well, their entire relationship didn’t make much sense to Grizz, but what could he do about it?

 

Grizz headed back to where he belonged; Sam’s room. With Sam already safely in bed, Grizz flicked the light off and went over, crawling under the covers. He curled up against Sam, his arm flung across his waist and his face buried against his neck.

 

“Everything okay?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded against his neck and kissed it lightly. Everything _was_ okay, right? Grizz had Sam. He came out that night and no one except a few jerks who didn’t matter cared. He had a really fun night. Everything should have been okay, only, Grizz felt as though something bad was looming, and that was his thought as he drifted asleep with Sam.

 

\----

 

He didn’t know what time it was. He just knew it was dark and it felt like he had barely shut his eyes, but time had gone by. Grizz’s heart leapt into his throat and his stomach flopped as the hurried bashing of the door woke him in an instant. Peeling himself from Sam’s sleeping form, Grizz looked around the darkness in alarm.

 

“Grizz!” Campbell’s voice shouted in a panic, “Grizz! Open the door! She’s not fucking breathing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read!! I really wanted to update the Jason and Clark story too but I didn't have time to complete the chapter and wanted to focus on this chapter instead. But it'll be done over the next couple days. It'll hopefully be worth the wait (LOTS of sexual tension and shenanigans at the party)  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger! (only, I'm not)


	40. Stay Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 39 recap: Grizz and Sam got a bit frisky in bed and experimented with a set of handcuffs and it was all fun and games until Grizz dropped the key with them both handcuffed together. They had to call their friends to come help them. It was awkward. Campbell came knocking on the door in the middle of the night saying Elle isn't breathing. Drama.
> 
> WARNING: this chapter deals with attempted suicide/suicide talk

“Grizz!” Campbell shouted again, and Grizz shook himself out of his stupor. It wasn’t a dream. Campbell was bashing on the door, and something was wrong. Really wrong.

 

Grizz leapt out of bed and rushed over, unlocking and yanking the door open. A panic-stricken Campbell stood before him. Grizz had never seen him like that. He was usually cool, calm and collected, with a smirk on his face, or his eyes were filled with hatred and anger. But no, not that night. That night, Campbell looked terrified.

 

“What happened?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t know, fuck!” Campbell stressed, “just come on!”

 

Campbell went off down the hall and Grizz took one look at Sam who was stirring from his sleep as the light from the hallway hit his face. Grizz re-registered that Campbell said _she’s not breathing_. Elle. Something happened to Elle. Without another thought Grizz ran down the hall to where Campbell was in the bathroom.

 

Grizz stopped abruptly in his tracks as he witnessed the scene before him. Campbell was on his hands and knees desperately shaking his girlfriend who was on the tiled floor, unconscious. It smelled of vomit and Grizz saw the remnants on her lips.

 

“Don’t just fucking stand there! Do something!” Campbell shrieked.

 

Grizz fell to his knees by Elle’s side, and without another moment’s hesitation, kicked himself into gear, remembering everything he had learnt in first aid training. Grizz touched her face, it was warm, and there was still color. She couldn’t have been like that for long, but Campbell was right. She wasn’t breathing.

 

“What the fuck did you do to her?” Grizz asked, glaring up at Campbell.

 

“Me?! I didn’t fucking do anything! I woke up and she wasn’t next to me! I found her like this!” he argued.

 

Grizz didn’t have time for the argument though. Glancing around he noticed the small packet by Elle’s side. If Campbell was to be believed and she had done this to herself, then she took something. Grizz jumped to action, opening Elle’s mouth, seeing chunks of vomit. He turned her to her side, scooping out what he could. Either the drugs stopped her heart, or she choked on her own vomit. Or both. Grizz held back the bile coming up in his own throat as he cleared the girl’s airway.

 

“Was she like this when you got here? Or was she breathing?” Grizz asked.

 

“Fuck, I don’t know! Just do something! You were a lifesaver, right? Well fucking save her!” Campbell shouted.

 

“I fucking am! Call an ambulance, now!” Grizz shouted right back. He didn’t need to hear Campbell’s shit.

 

He looked in Elle’s mouth once again and deciding it was clear enough, he rolled her onto her back once more and placed his hands on her chest, starting compressions. His own heart was racing, his hands shaking. He was scared, really fucking scared, and seeing Campbell come undone like he was, made it all the more terrifying. Both of them were in way over their heads.

 

“What happened?” Sam’s sleepy voice came from the door. Neither answered. Grizz breathed into Elle’s mouth before starting the next round of compressions.

 

“Come on, Elle. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this,” Grizz whispered. He begged.

 

Grizz had done this twice before. Once on a girl at a survival camp who was bitten by a snake and went into anaphylactic shock. The paramedics took over when they got there and saved her. The other time was a kid who was drowning at the local pool when he was a guard last summer. He gave him CPR until he coughed up the water, and as Grizz stared down desperately at Elle, he hoped, he prayed, for the same outcome.

 

“Why aren’t you calling the fucking ambulance?!” Grizz shouted at Campbell.

 

“No, no ambulance. No hospital!” Campbell argued.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? She’s going to die!” Grizz’s voice shook as tears spilled from his eyes. He didn’t get it. Why the fuck wouldn’t he just call for help? Grizz couldn’t do this. He couldn’t have Elle die in front of him like this. He couldn’t, because that meant he stood by and watched her be with Campbell, watched her deteriorate, and didn’t do a damn thing.

 

“She can’t go!” Campbell screamed.

 

Grizz was about to stop and get Sam to take over so he could call an ambulance himself when the girl beneath him coughed. Grizz held his own breath, stopping compressions as Elle sputtered and choked.

 

“Elle, Elle!” Campbell said desperately, going to grab her. Grizz pushed him back and turned the girl on her side as she coughed up chunks of vomit that had Grizz feeling sick, but more than anything, he was relieved. The pure fear in him of having Elle die disappeared as she showed more and more signs of life, groaning, opening her eyes, moving her arms. Grizz thanked God his grandfather made him take so many survival courses when he was younger so he’d know what to do.

 

“That’s a girl. You’re okay. Get it all out,” Grizz encouraged her, rubbing her back.

 

Whatever she took was coming out in waves as she vomited all over the bathroom floor. Grizz ignored the mess, wanting her to throw up more, to get it all out of her system. The girl convulsed, heaving as she coughed. Grizz patted her back, trying in any way he could to help her. She gasped in air, spluttering as she did so.

 

“You’re okay. Don’t panic,” Grizz soothed.

 

He wasn’t even sure if Elle knew what was going on, where she was or who she was with. She made no effort to look at either of them. She was out of it, but not completely. Seconds after the coughing stopped, her eyes began drooping again.

 

“No, no, no,” Grizz took her face in his hands, “no sleep right now.”

 

“Stay awake, baby. It’s gonna be okay,” Campbell ran his fingers through her hair, pushing Grizz’s hands out of the way as he cupped her cheeks, “just stay awake for me, okay?”

 

“No,” Elle groaned.

 

“Stay awake, Elle. We’re going to get you to the hospital,” Grizz said.

 

“No,” Elle shook her head lazily, “no…no hospital. Please…no.”

 

“See, I told you. She’s the one that doesn’t want to go,” Campbell said.

 

“Why not? She’s sick,” Grizz argued.  

 

“Do you have any idea how expensive a hospital visit is? Look at her,” Campbell gestured to the mess of the girl in the middle of her own vomit, “she’s alive.”

 

“Barely.”

 

Grizz was sickened by him not wanting her to get help, and he was confused by Elle’s protest. He looked up at Sam who was standing there, looking unsure. He searched his boyfriend’s eyes for an answer of what they should do. But he shook his head slowly, giving him nothing. This was too much for Grizz. He shouldn’t have to make decisions like that. He was torn between what was right, and what Elle wanted. He was so confused. He decided his main priority was keeping Elle awake, which was proving difficult as the girl began nodding off again.

 

“No, don’t sleep,” Grizz ordered as he lightly slapped her face to wake her. It wasn’t working. He needed something to wake her up.

 

“Shit,” Grizz muttered.

 

He looked around and spotted the shower. It would do. He opened the glass door and dragged Elle inside. He turned the cold water on and sat there with Elle in his arms as the freezing cold water cascaded down onto both of their bodies. It worked like a charm. Elle gasped, her eyes shooting open the moment the icy water hit her face.

 

Grizz stayed there as the brothers stood, looking down on them. He didn’t know what to do. He _wanted_ to take Elle to the hospital. He wanted someone who was equipped enough to deal with this to do just that, deal with it. This was too much for him. He wanted the cops to drag Campbell away and lock him up for life because Grizz knew that somehow, some way, Campbell was responsible for this.

 

At the same time, he didn’t want Elle to get into trouble. She had taken drugs, obviously. Grizz wasn’t sure what, but she smelled of alcohol too. She could get into a lot of trouble if they went to the hospital. That had to be why she didn’t want to go.

 

“I can take it from here,” Campbell said. Yeah, right, as if Grizz was going to let Elle out of his sight for even a second.

 

“Grizz…” Sam spoke up. He looked at him, only to see Sam nodding down at Elle. Redirecting his focus, Grizz placed his attention on the girl once more, and that was when he noticed what Sam was talking about.

 

She wore a white shirt, and the moment the water soaked through the material and it went see-through, Grizz saw it. He saw _them_. The bruises. Big and small, darker and lighter, covering her torso. Lifting her shirt, he got a better look. Black, blue, purple, yellow. Some old, some new. Grizz’s stomach lurched.

 

Fuming and seeing nothing but red, Grizz looked up, his eyes landing on Campbell in a menacing glare. He knew it. He knew that Campbell was hurting her. There was no other explanation for it. He had the sudden urge to hurt him like he had hurt Elle, and if Elle weren’t laying on him, he would have done just that.

 

“Oh, what, you think I did that shit?” Campbell asked with a laugh.

 

“Get out,” Grizz seethed.

 

“Fuck off, I’m not going anywhere without her,” Campbell argued, taking a step forward. Grizz clutched onto Elle, holding her close, holding on for dear life because there was no way on Earth he was going to let Campbell come near her.

 

“I mean it. Get out now or I _will_ call the cops and I _will_ tell them you did this to her,” Grizz threatened. He wasn’t kidding. Enough was enough.

 

The two stared each other down, neither wanting to back down, but Campbell knew he was beat. He had no leverage there. He turned, facing Sam.

 

“You are going to fucking regret ever letting him into our lives,” Campbell threatened his brother, talking through gritted teeth and signing at the same time. Grizz damn near leapt up from the floor in that moment, because how _dare_ he threaten Sam like that? It was much of the same though, all empty threats, all talk. Campbell didn’t have a leg to stand on because he knew they knew his dirty little secret now, and with that, they had the power.

 

“You can’t keep me from her forever,” Campbell said, the distress in his voice gone and the usual amused, menacing tone was back. Before Grizz could make some sort of retort, he was gone, pushing past Sam and slamming the door shut on them.

 

Grizz was breathing heavily, shaking from both how cold he was and the pure, intensified anger he felt towards Campbell. He held Elle tight, not wanting to let go, needing to protect her as best as he could.

 

Sam came over kneeling down in front of them, “should we take her to the hospital?”

 

“No, not hospital,” Elle murmured, “I won’t go. You can’t make me go. I won’t.”

 

“She doesn’t want to,” Grizz said, “if she gets worse, then yes, we’ll take her, but she’s breathing now and hopefully just threw everything up.”

 

“What the fuck are we going to do?” Sam asked, and he looked just as lost as Grizz did. There was only one thing Grizz could try and control, and that was keeping her away from Campbell.

 

“Keep her away from him. I’m taking her back to my house,” Grizz made the decision. Sam nodded in agreement.

 

“Are you coming?” Grizz asked.

 

“I shouldn’t.”

 

He was right about that. He shouldn’t be seen at Grizz’s, not with his mom knowing about them and not being happy about it, and the risk of his dad seeing them. Still, Grizz didn’t like the idea of Sam being here alone with Campbell.

 

“I can drop you off at Becca’s, or Gordie’s or even Luke’s. Gwen’s? Anywhere?” Grizz suggested.

 

“I’ll be okay,” Sam assured him.

 

Grizz wasn’t a fan of that answer at all, and he would argue, but he was shaking so bad from how cold it was, and the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He reached up and turned the cold water off. He looked down at Elle who was conscious, but barely there. Sam handed him a towel and he wrapped it around Elle before the two boys managed to get her up and out of the shower. Grizz picked her up, ignoring how he was still soaking wet, and took her out of the bathroom, down to Sam’s room.

 

“I’ll get her some dry clothes,” Sam said.

 

Grizz nodded as he set her down on the bed. Sam handed him a towel before he went to his drawers. Grizz quickly dried, not finding it that hard since he was only in his boxers. He got dressed before the two of them changed Elle out of her wet clothes and into dry ones. She sat there like a zombie, hardly awake, but awake enough that Grizz wasn’t panicking about her well-being.

 

“Are you-,” Grizz started, stopping when he noticed Sam not looking at him. He stepped in front of him, getting his attention away from Elle and back on himself, “are you sure you’re not coming? I’d feel a lot better if you weren’t here right now.”

 

“I can handle him,” Sam said confidently.

 

“What if you can’t?” Grizz watched him desperately. They thought Elle could handle herself, right? And look what happened? Grizz didn’t trust that Campbell wouldn’t hurt Sam in the same way he had hurt Elle. He was obviously capable of it.

 

“Okay,” Sam gave in when he saw the look in Grizz’s eyes, “I’ll go to Becca’s. Just until he cools down.”

 

“He’s going to be pissed we took her,” Grizz said.

 

Sam shook his head, “he can’t do anything. We have something against him now.”

 

Grizz hoped that Sam was right, that Sam knew his brother better than all of them and knew how he worked, that he really was just all talk. Unfortunately for Elle, it wasn’t all talk. Everything was just such a fucking mess, and all Grizz wanted was to get out of there.

 

Carrying Elle once more, he and Sam left the house, not running into Campbell as they rushed to Grizz’s car. He put Elle in the back seat, telling her to stay awake. She nodded, which was a good sign. At least she was responsive. Grizz prayed he was making the right decision. He didn’t want to regret not taking her to the hospital.

 

The two boys got in the front seats and Grizz set off, glancing at Sam who was on his phone texting, probably to Becca. It was nearly three in the morning. Grizz only noticed that just then as he glanced at the digital clock on his radio. Before long, they pulled up in front of Becca’s house. Grizz turned the light on, turning to his boyfriend.

 

“Does she know you’re here?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, she said she only just got back from the party. She’s with Gwen,” he explained, “what do I tell them?”

 

“Nothing about this. Not yet. Maybe tell them Campbell was just being a dick and you wanted to leave,” Grizz suggested.

 

“That’ll work, I’ve used that before,” Sam nodded, and it killed Grizz that Sam had to use that excuse before, that Sam even had to live with someone like Campbell. Sam barely even spoke about Campbell though. Grizz had always figured the two just stayed out of each other’s way as much as possible. At least, that was what Grizz hoped was the case. He hoped Sam didn’t live at home in constant fear of his brother.

 

“Head inside,” Grizz said when he noticed the porch light turn on, “I’ll text you.”

 

“Alright, I love you,” Sam said.

 

“I love you too, a lot,” Grizz said before leaning over and giving him a quick but firm kiss on the lips.

 

Sam smiled, a sad smile, but slightly reassuring, as he got out of the car. Grizz watched him as he jogged up to the house just as Becca opened the door and took him inside. Grizz looked in his rear-view mirror at Elle who was staring out the window, eyes not focused on anything in particular. She was still awake. Good.

 

Grizz headed off down the street in the direction of his house. His heart had been racing non stop since the second Campbell had woken him up, and only as he got closer to home did he calm down. Everything was okay. Sam was safe. Elle was safe. He was safe. No one died. It was all okay.

 

Grizz pulled into the driveway of his house and killed the engine. All the lights were off so his parents would have been well asleep by then. He got out of the car, going to the back door. He opened it, and Elle nearly fell out. He caught her, helping her from the vehicle. She stood, barely, leaning most of her body weight on him.

 

“Think you can walk?” Grizz asked. He didn’t have a problem with carrying her again. He just wanted to make sure that she was coming back to the world of the living again.

 

“Mmm…maybe,” she murmured.

 

She leant against him but did her best to stand on her own two feet. Grizz swung the door shut, trying to be quiet, before he and Elle slowly made their way towards his house. The more they walked, the easier it got for her and the more Grizz calmed down, knowing she was doing better.

 

“My parents are asleep and won’t care if I have a girl in my room, but try and be quiet,” Grizz said. She answered with a nod.

 

Grizz easily snuck her into the house and into his bedroom. He didn’t bother turning the main light on but touched the touch lamp on his bedside table, illuminating the room. He helped Elle on the bed. She crawled on herself, mostly. She leant against the headboard, her head lulling to the side.

 

“I’m really tired,” she whispered.

 

“I don’t want you to sleep until I know you won’t die on me,” he told her.

 

She pulled her knees to her chest, the words he spoke affecting her more than he anticipated. He sat next to her, facing her, his hand covering hers as her face contorted into one of pain. He watched on as a few tears slipped from her eyes and down her cheeks.

 

“Why did you have to save me?” she choked out.

 

“What?”

 

A sob escaped her throat, “I didn’t want to be saved, Grizz.”

 

And it dawned on Grizz. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking, if she overdosed on a party drug, or had too much alcohol, but it became crystal clear in that moment that Elle had done this on purpose.

 

“Were you…trying to kill yourself?” Grizz asked, not beating around the bush, because he was tired of tip-toeing around what was going on with her. They needed to talk, really talk, and yeah, maybe it wasn’t _really_ Grizz’s business. But he was making it his business.

 

“I just want it to stop,” she cried. She covered her face with her hands, pulling the sleeves of Sam’s hoodie up to dry the tears.

 

“There are other ways to make it stop, Elle,” he told her.

 

“You don’t know what it’s like,” she argued.

 

“Maybe not,” he agreed, scooting close, “but you need to walk away.”

 

She shook her head, almost laughing, “it’s not that easy.”

 

“It is. Look at what he’s done to you,” he said. He couldn’t get the images of the bruises out of his head.

 

“It’s not always like that. And I make him mad and-“

 

“No, fuck no, Elle. It’s not your fault. He’s a monster,” Grizz snapped.

 

“I know he loves me though, he really does,” she defended.

 

“No. Jesus. No,” Grizz didn’t know how else to say it. Campbell was bad. He was pure evil. She had to see that, right? She looked down at her hands, her face twisting into a grimace as fresh tears appeared.

 

“I’m scared,” she confessed, “I’m really…really scared, Grizz.”

 

He didn’t know what to say. All he could do was move closer and pull the sobbing girl into his arms. She tensed up, and Grizz thought maybe hugging her wasn’t okay, that even _touching_ her wasn’t okay, but before he got a chance to pull back, she melted against him clinging onto his arm as she cried.

 

The two sat there for a long time, a really long time, until the position started getting a bit uncomfortable and Grizz asked Elle if she would be okay with him laying in bed next to her, and she said yes, only if he would let her sleep. After debating that for a good five minutes, Grizz decided to let her have her way, only he stayed there next to her, listening to her breathing and watching her chest rise and fall.

 

It felt as though Grizz had stayed there for hours just watching her, making sure she was okay. He clearly remembered the sun shining through his curtains before he drifted off to sleep himself. He didn’t mean to, but he was exhausted, and nothing seemed to change in her breathing at all. She was the one who ended up waking him up, hours later.

 

“Fuck, sorry,” he groaned as he sat up, his face hot from being shoved against his pillow for far too long. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

 

Elle shook her head, “it’s okay. I’m fine, see, didn’t die.”

 

Grizz nodded as he sat up, taking a good look at her. And well, she looked like shit. She had for a while now though, so it was nothing new. At least she was alive.

 

“Can you take me home?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” he stretched before getting out of bed. He grabbed his phone. It was just past midday. He didn’t realize he slept for so long. He had a couple of texts from Sam.

 

 **Hey is everything okay with Elle?** – Sam.

 **I went back home. Campbell locked himself in his room but my mom and dad are home so I’m okay.** – Sam.

 

 **Elle is okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow about it. xx.** – Grizz.

 

 **Love you.** – Sam.

 

 **You too xx.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz snatched up his car keys and gestured for Elle to follow him. He wasn’t too worried about his parents seeing him, because they had seen him with girls before and, honestly, it would probably be a good thing if they assumed she was his girlfriend. He didn’t have to deal with that either way though because his parents weren’t around as they left.

 

“How are you feeling?” Grizz asked when they got in his car.

 

“I’m okay,” she said, “a little sick.”

 

“What did you even take?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know,” she said, and Grizz believed her. Was she really that desperate? To take a bunch of drugs that she had no idea what they would do to her?

 

“You need to leave him,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m scared,” she admitted.

 

“Of what he might do?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know. I’ve thought about it a lot, about leaving him, and I’ve tried, but he always…always finds a way to make me want to stay,” she said as she stared out the window. Grizz glanced at her before looking back at the road ahead.

 

“Why do you?” he asked.

 

“I love him…” she said softly.

 

“How?!”

 

“God, Grizz, you’re so condescending,” her gaze snapped over to him in a harsh look, “you know that right? You always think you know what’s going on, but you don’t. I love him because I fell in love with him, and most of the time things are great, I love the way he makes me feel and sometimes…maybe not so much, but not everything is perfect.”

 

“It’s not right,” he argued.

 

“Are you telling me things are always perfect with you and Sam?” she asked.

 

“We never hit each other. I’ve never wanted to kill myself because of him, Elle,” he retorted.

 

She looked away again, and Grizz really didn’t want to argue with her. He wanted her to see how unhealthy this was, that the relationship was _literally_ killing her.

 

“Elle, please. You’re young, okay, we all are. You have so much ahead of you, and you can’t be in a relationship like this, not when you want to hurt yourself over it,” he pleaded with her, begging her to see the truth here. Had Campbell really poisoned her mind that much that she couldn’t see clearly?

 

“I’m not going to do it again, okay. Last night…” she trailed off.

 

“Last night what?”

 

“I was just…I don’t know…the pills were just there and I…I knew it was too many…and I didn’t even know what it was, and I was drinking a lot,” she huffed, not going on. Grizz really wanted to believe her. He was scared that she would do it again the moment he left her.

 

“Promise you won’t do it again. Because if it were my choice, I’d have taken you to hospital to get the help you need,” he said.

 

“Well, it’s not your choice, and if you say anything, I’ll deny it,” she threatened, getting defensive once more.

 

“Hey, I’m on your side here. Please, Elle, just think about it. Leave him. Hang out with me and my friends at school tomorrow. Cut him out of your life. He can’t get to you if you don’t let him,” Grizz pleaded with her.

 

Elle just looked at him, her gaze boring into the side of his face. He glanced at her and back to the road.

 

“Think about it,” he said as he pulled up to her house.

 

“I will,” she nodded. It was a start.

 

“If he comes over, don’t answer the door. Text me. I want a text every hour on the hour and if I don’t get one, I’m coming back,” he demanded. It was the only way he was going to leave her, if she promised to do that.

 

“Yes, sir,” she saluted before getting out of the car.

 

“Seriously, Elle. Text me if anything happens. Anything,” he said. The two locked eyes for a moment and she nodded, agreeing with the conditions, before shutting the door and heading up to her house.

 

He watched her go. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want to leave her alone. He was scared and helpless. He had done all that he could do besides telling the police or her parents, but he was sure she would just deny it. She had only just come around to actually admitting to _him_ that something was wrong. Sighing, he headed off down the road again, going home.

 

\----

 

The past twenty-four hours had been anxiety hell for Grizz. He spent the entire time in his room checking his phone every five minutes, waiting for Elle to send him a text saying she was okay, and to her credit, she did, ever hour, just like he asked. He also spent the entire time panicking that he had made the wrong decision, that he should have taken her to hospital or told the cops what happened, or even her parents.

 

Night was the worst, because although she texted him saying she was going to sleep, he was still worried that something could have happened, that Campbell could have turned up, but in the morning when he texted her, she said that he didn’t come over. He had blown up her phone with texts and missed calls, but he didn’t go over to her house. She said it was probably because her parents were home and he couldn’t make a scene. That was all well and good, for now, but what would happen the moment Elle’s parents weren’t there?

 

Grizz only calmed down about it the moment he walked into English class on Monday morning and saw Elle sitting in her usual spot. He went over and joined her, plopping down on the neighboring seat.

 

“Hey,” he greeted her.

 

She looked up, giving a small smile, “hey, Grizz.”

 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. She still looked like a skeleton, with dark circles under her eyes and pale skin.

 

“Better,” she answered.

 

Grizz nodded. There wasn’t a whole lot that they could talk about with other students around.

 

“Uhm…I want to thank you…” Elle spoke in a hushed tone, leaning in closer, “for what you did. Yesterday, uhm, the other night I was just…you know. And I didn’t say thank you and I should have.”

 

 “You don’t have to thank me. I’m always gonna be here, Elle,” he said, and he felt so passionately about it. He wanted to fight for her, badly. And why? He figured out last night, after witnessing his mom and dad have one of their many screaming matches, that Elle reminded him of his mom. He wanted to save both of them, not that he had some sort of savior complex, and not because the girls couldn’t take care of themselves, but he saw in both of them how scared they were of these other men, and it was so simple to him, how they should simply leave, and he didn’t understand why they didn’t. He would advocate for them to break free until they eventually would.

 

“Did you mean it when you said I can sit with you and your friends at lunch?” she asked.

 

“Of course, I mean it,” he said with a smile. It was progress.

 

“Have you told them what happened?” she asked.

 

“No, and I don’t need to if you don’t want to. We can just say you and Campbell broke up and you need new friends,” he said.

 

“That easy, huh?” she asked.

 

“It can be,” he nodded.

 

Elle smiled, although a sad one, it was also genuine, not the fake ones he saw so much. “Okay,” she gave in. Grizz smiled wide, feeling a sense of victory.

 

\---

 

At lunch time, Grizz found Elle in the halls beforehand. Well, he might have stalked her, knowing where her class was.

 

“Have you seen him today?” Grizz asked.

 

“No. I know where his classes are so I’ve been avoiding him,” she said.

 

“Good.”

 

“Do you think I should at least talk to him though? To tell him it’s over?” she asked.

 

“No, as if he fucking deserves an explanation. He should know why, and he’ll get it when you’re with us and not him,” he said.

 

All she did was nod. Grizz could feel himself being over-bearing and controlling, but there was no way he was letting her go back to him. There was no way he would watch any more bruises appear on her body, and there was no way he was going to read in the newspaper that an Elle Tomkins was found dead of an overdose on her bathroom floor. He wouldn’t allow it.

 

Elle and Grizz walked into the cafeteria together, most eyes shooting to them as they did so, and he wondered if they had heard that Elle wasn’t talking to Campbell, until he remembered that he came out to everyone at the party. It felt like such a long time ago. He couldn’t believe he let himself get so worked out about coming out when there were much bigger issues going on.

 

“Do you think people know?” Elle asked.

 

“No. I kissed Sam at the party. They’re gossiping about it, probably,” Grizz said. She just nodded in understanding. Not a single person had even looked at Grizz in the wrong way or mentioned the party. It probably helped that Jason and Clark had beaten up Dewey and his friends for saying something bad about him, so everyone was either too scared to speak up, or didn’t care. Grizz didn’t care either way. None of their opinions mattered.

 

Grizz headed over to his friends. Sam and Becca were with them too, which was apparently the new normal, not that Grizz would ever complain. He went right over to them with Elle following, and sat right next to Sam, with Elle, although so awkwardly that he could practically feel the nerves radiating from her. All of his friends looked up in confusion.

 

“Elle,” Helena spoke first, “hi.”

 

“Hey guys, Elle’s gonna be hanging with us for a while,” Grizz told them.

 

“Finally dumped that sack of shit, huh?” Clark asked with a smug grin.

 

“Yeah,” was all Elle said, going into shy mode, and he didn’t blame her. He watched her get a brown paper bag from her backpack, with a sandwich inside. At least she was eating.

 

Grizz turned to Sam, who was already watching him. Feeling like he had nothing to hide anymore, he placed a quick kiss to Sam’s lips in greeting.

 

“Hey, how are things at home?” Grizz asked.

 

“Fine,” Sam answered before placing his hand on Grizz’s thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

 

“Uh oh,” Gwen spoke.

 

Grizz glanced up at her before following where she was looking. Campbell. Grizz had expected this. He would be dumb not to. The boy was walking over to them, making a beeline for Elle.

 

“It’s okay,” Grizz said to her quickly. She had to know they had her back.

 

“Elle,” Campbell’s sharp voice spoke as he got to them, “what do you think you’re doing?”

 

“What does it look like she’s doing?” Gwen piped up, her own brand of sass clear in her voice.

 

“Was I talking to you, princess?” Campbell spat at her.

 

“Don’t,” Grizz warned, his gaze flicking to him in a glare.

 

Campbell ignored them and focused on Elle again, “can we talk?”

 

“Uhm,” Elle shifted in her chair uncomfortably, “I don’t, uhm…there’s nothing to say.”

 

Grizz could feel the tension between the two. Everyone at the table could. He put his hand over Sam’s, because well, he was digging his fingers into his thigh at that point.

 

“Looks like she doesn’t want to talk,” Grizz said, a little smug about it. Campbell’s piercing glare shot right through him, at the lot of them, before he turned and left.

 

Elle visibly relaxed, exhaling heavily. Looking at her, Grizz noticed the smile on her face, not a sad one, not a fake one, but a real one. One that practically screamed ‘fuck you, I’m free’. And that’s all Grizz ever wanted for her.

 

“What a dick,” Clark snorted, laughing a little.

 

“Honestly, he’s like, not even that hot,” Gwen said.

 

“He totally is, though. But still a dick,” Jason said.

 

Grizz ignored them all when Sam leant in closer to him, whispering. “I have a really bad feeling,” Sam said.

 

“What the fuck’s he going to do? He lost. He knows he lost. He knows he’s fucked if we, or Elle, ever go to the police about what he’s done,” Grizz said, barely voicing the words.

 

Sam watched Grizz’s lips with a frown before eventually nodding. Grizz had a bad feeling too, but today was a win. They had Elle, and Campbell had nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I finally figured out how many chapters there are gonna be. 52. UNLESS I happen to add something else or whatever, but at the moment it'll end on 52, which will be an epilogue. So really ending on 51. I'll update it if things change.


	41. Are you sure?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 40 recap: So much drama with Elle and Campbell. Elle took some drugs. Grizz revived her. Elle broke up with Campbell. Yay.
> 
> WARNING: sexual content ahead

Grizz stood in the kitchen at home, staring down at his phone with an elated smile gracing his face. He had been flicking through Snapchat when he came upon Gwen’s story and saw herself, Helena and Elle hanging out at Gwen’s. It had become a common occurrence over the past three weeks, and one that never failed to fill Grizz with such joy. It wasn’t just about the girls hanging out. It was about the smile on Elle’s lips, the rosy color on her cheeks; those cheeks that had filled out a bit more since the near-death experience she had. It was about the light in her eyes. It was the laugh.

 

Three weeks sped by and nothing else had happened, not a single thing. Grizz hadn’t even spoken to Campbell since that night, and according to Elle, she hadn’t spoken to him either. It was hard for him to considering whenever they were at school, Elle was with his friends, and Grizz would drive her home, making sure her parents were home, and if they weren’t then she would stay with Grizz, or with Gwen, who Grizz had sort off clued-in to what was going on. All Gwen really knew was that Campbell was controlling and the aim was to keep him away from Elle. 

 

Grizz would see Campbell around school, moping, constantly sulking and staring at them all. It wasn’t like he could do anything. He couldn’t force Elle to be with him. He had lost her, and he was pissed about that, but Grizz couldn’t care less that he was upset. All that mattered was that Elle was safe.

 

“I thought you were going out,” Grizz’s mom said as she entered the kitchen with a load of groceries.

 

“I am. Just eating before I go,” Grizz said. He was half-way through the sandwich.

 

“You’re going to Luke’s, right?” she asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz lied.

 

That was what he had gotten into the routine of telling her; that he was going to Luke’s. In reality every time Sam had the house to himself, Grizz was there, and even if he didn’t have the house to himself, they took every opportunity to get away, whether it be hanging out with their friends, or driving down to the river.

 

Things with Sam had been great, beyond great. Great wasn’t even a good enough word to describe what it was like. Amazing. Incredible. Spectacular. Grizz could go on and on. Truth be told, he was the happiest he had been in his entire life. He would never get bored of being around Sam, whether they’d just be sitting in silence while Sam studied and Grizz read a book, or they’d talk for hours and hours about nothing in particular, or, and this had increased ten-fold since the handcuff incident, they would fool around.

 

Grizz couldn’t get enough of Sam. Every kiss, and every touch was like he was being kissed and touched for the first time. They hadn’t gone all the way yet, even if they got pretty close to it a few times. Something always stopped them, whether it be the wrong place, wrong time, or Grizz would back out. He couldn’t really pin-point why he was backing out. There was never a particular reason. Maybe it was because of the nerves that bubbled up inside them whenever they almost got to that point. It was easy to, well, keep it simple. They just hadn’t gone that one, extra little step. Not that either minded, because the other stuff was good too. _Really_ _fucking good._

 

His dad came through the doorway, also with a handful of shopping bags. He nodded in greeting at his son as he placed the bags on the counter.

 

“Need help?” Grizz asked as he tossed out the half-eaten sandwich. He hadn’t really been that hungry after all.

 

“No, I want to unpack them without any help,” his dad spoke with sarcasm. Grizz didn’t know why he bothered sometimes.

 

He didn’t say a thing though, he just went about unpacking the groceries, placing them in their designated areas with his mom and dad in silence. He couldn’t help but notice his father’s eyes on him practically the entire time. He glanced at his mom, wondering if she had said anything about him being gay. Grizz hated the feeling that came with the speculation. He hated the intense burn of anxiety that shot through his chest, how it made his skin prickle with an unwanted warmth. It made him want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

 

“Get that shit outta your hair,” his dad finally spoke.

 

Grizz blinked in confusion before looking at his dad, “what?”

 

“That. I don’t know why you do that shit. It makes you look like a faggot,” his dad gestured to Grizz’s hair which was half tied up in a small bun. Part of Grizz wanted to yell at him that that’s what he was, and he didn’t care if anyone thought that, but he bit his tongue.

 

“My hair was just getting in the way,” Grizz explained.

 

“Then cut it. It’s getting too long anyway. You’re gonna end up looking like a sissy,” his dad teased. He snarled with a smile, reminding Grizz of a slimy salesman. The horrible thing was that his dad actually thought he was being funny.

 

“I don’t care what I look like,” Grizz told him, and he was trying his best not to be confrontational but he should have kept his mouth shut.

 

His dad turned on him, face red, vein almost popping in his forehead as he pointed at him, poking his chest, “no son of mine is going out looking like that. You think that pretty blonde girl you keep bringing around will like you looking like this?”

 

Grizz swallowed his pride and shook his head, “no, guess not.”

 

“Just take it out,” his mom said. He looked to her, seeing the plea in her eyes.

 

 _It’s just hair_ , Grizz told himself. It was just hair, and Grizz liked his hair, he liked the length, he liked tying it back because it was practical. In that moment though, he felt that he looked incredibly stupid, ridiculous even. He hated the length. He hated the style. He hated the hair-band in it. He took the hair-tie out, letting his locks fall into his face. He pushed them back, tucking the strands behind his ears.

 

“I gotta go or I’ll be late,” Grizz murmured.

 

“Well you be back for dinner?” his mom asked. _Do you care?_

 

“Maybe, I’ll text,” Grizz answered.

 

He left the kitchen, snatching up his car keys on the way. He practically stormed from the house, refraining from slamming the door shut on the way. As he got in his car and was consumed by the silence that surrounded him, he didn’t know whether to be angry, or upset. Somehow, he landed on the side of upset.

 

Was it too much to ask to have parents who accepted him? Who weren’t homophobic? He wondered if it would be different if he came out, if his dad would try and accept him because deep down he loved him, or was supposed to love him anyway. Most of the time though, Grizz didn’t see anything except indifference when his dad looked at him. He very well could have been a stranger.

 

He took a few deep breaths. He almost wanted to go back inside, get a razor and shave off all of his hair, and he knew that kind of thinking wasn’t right. He knew he shouldn’t let his dad’s words get to him, but he did. He just never felt good enough, like who he was wasn’t who he wanted him to be.

 

“Fuck,” Grizz breathed, resting his head on his steering wheel. He closed his eyes as a stray tear fell down his cheek, but that was all he was allowing.

 

 _Sam_. He thought of his boyfriend and that was enough to bring the light back into his heart. He opened his eyes, sat back and filled with determination, started the engine and sped on down the street, away from the place that made him feel so trapped.

 

Grizz was a bit jittery on the drive over, his mind racing back and forth to the near argument he had with his dad, back to Sam who calmed him for a moment, and back to his dad again, and back to Sam. Always back to Sam. It was the only thing that would stop the anger from bubbling over.

 

When he pulled up in front of Sam’s house he almost sighed in relief, like he was a junkie relieved to be getting his next hit of his drug of choice, not that he was addicted to Sam or anything. Not at all. Although, maybe, a little.

 

Grizz let himself in with the key under the gnome like he always did and jogged up the stairs two at a time. The house was quiet, but Grizz learnt that was a good thing, it meant no parents, and more importantly, no Campbell. Sam’s parents were apparently visiting his grandparents that day, and Campbell? Well, who the fuck cared where he was?

 

Grizz swung Sam’s door open, and the moment he did, Sam jumped in fright upon seeing him there. Grizz gave a guilty look because he was supposed to text Sam when he was on his way over, but he forgot. Sam let out a breath, relaxing again in his cross-legged position on the bed.

 

‘Sorry,’ Grizz signed, giving him puppy dog eyes.

 

“It’s okay, I was just focusing,” Sam said.

 

“I can see that,” Grizz said, but Sam had already turned his attention back to his laptop sitting on his legs.

 

“You didn’t text,” Sam said, still not looking up as he typed away. Grizz supposed he didn’t want an answer to that. Going over to him, Grizz crawled onto the bed and deciding that whatever Sam was doing couldn’t possibly be more interesting than what Grizz had in mind, he took the laptop from him, setting it to the side.

 

Sam looked up at him with questioning eyes, “what are you doing?”

 

Grizz didn’t answer. Instead, he gently pushed his boyfriend onto his back and climbed on top of him before pressing their lips together. It was the perfect distraction from the thoughts running through his head, and it wasn’t like they didn’t always end up like this anyway. Grizz was just pushing for it more, which in itself was unusual. Sam almost always initiated everything, even when Grizz wanted it or was in the mood for it, he would wait for Sam to make the first move.

 

Sam put his hand to Grizz’s chest, giving him a light push. Grizz pulled back, looking down at the boy who spoke, “I have homework. History assignment I have to finish. I thought I’d be done by the time you got here but you’re not late for once.”

 

“Ha ha,” Grizz said, sarcasm written all over his face.

 

Grizz leant down and Sam showed no signs of protest as he caught his lips between his again. In fact, Sam kissed back, wrapping his arms around his neck. Grizz was turned on, he supposed, he always was with Sam, but he wasn’t _that_ into it. He rocked back and forth, feeling his irritation mount, because he was in such an annoyed mood that he couldn’t get himself to unwind and enjoy the moment.

 

He kissed Sam a little harder, eliciting a soft moan from him before he turned his head to the side. Grizz looked down at him again, wondering what was wrong. “You’re a distraction. I have to finish it.”

 

“Do it after,” Grizz said simply.

 

Grizz went to Sam’s neck, pressing chaste kisses from under his ear, right down to his collarbone. He knew he must have been having an affect on Sam, because he was breathing heavier, his back arching to get his body closer. Not to mention he was hard against Grizz’s thigh. With Grizz’s patience wearing thin, he ran his hand up Sam’s thigh, sliding across the material of his sweatpants.

 

“Seriously, Grizz,” Sam panted, “it’s already a day late and I’m almost done. I have a good thought process going.”

 

Grizz stopped and rested his forehead against Sam’s shoulder as he huffed in frustration. He pushed himself up and flopped back on the bed, laying on the opposite side to Sam, staring at the ceiling. This never happened. It was usually the other way around, with Grizz telling Sam how important school work was so he had to finish before they could do anything else. But, Grizz had so much pent up energy that was stewing inside of him, and he never usually got annoyed with Sam denying him anything. Not that Sam ever did anyway. He just felt so out of place and, really, it didn’t even have anything to do with Sam making him stop. He just needed Sam to make him feel better.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

 

‘It’s not you,’ Grizz signed without looking at him.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked.

 

‘Nothing,’ Grizz answered.

 

Grizz felt the bed shake as his boyfriend crawled over, and the next moment, he was being straddled, with two bright blue eyes looking down at him scrutinizingly. Sam tilted his head to the side. “You’re lying.”

 

“Don’t you have an assignment to do?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam touched the sides of his face, tenderly running his thumb along Grizz’s bottom lip. Grizz closed his eyes, turning into the touch.

 

“Did something happen?” Sam asked.

 

“Not really,” Grizz murmured.

 

“Are we okay?” he asked. The question made Grizz’s eyes shoot open as he looked up at his boyfriend. He sat up, Sam sliding back a little on his lap.

 

“Of course we are,” Grizz said with the utmost certainty. Nothing in his life was more okay than their relationship. It was the only thing that actually felt right.

 

Sam didn’t say anything, he simply nodded, then glanced down between them. Knowing exactly what was going through Sam’s mind, Grizz took his hands before he could even begin to try and take his pants off. As much as he had pushed for it before, Grizz didn’t want Sam to do something he didn’t want to do.

 

“Finish your assignment,” Grizz said once Sam was looking at him.

 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll read until you’re done,” Grizz said.

 

Sam gave a small smile, although his eyes were still filled with confusion and concern. Grizz just gave him a peck on the lips before taking his hips and moving the boy off of him. He could still feel Sam’s eyes on him as he got up and headed over to the bookshelf, searching for something that he didn’t actually want to read, but rather stare at until Sam was done. He wasn’t in the mood for reading. He did briefly consider whether he should leave though. He didn’t want to get into an argument with Sam simply because he was in a bad mood. At the same time, he really didn’t want to go.

 

Grizz picked out a book that brought a smile to his face as he remembered the first time he was ever in Sam’s room. Fifty Shades of Grey. When he turned, Sam was back sitting against the metal bars with his laptop on his lap, but still watching him.

 

“Really?” Sam asked, glancing at the book.

 

“I thought it was Becca’s. Why do you still have it?” Grizz teased as he went back over to the bed.

 

“She never took it back,” Sam shrugged.

 

Grizz lay on the bed on his stomach and looked up at Sam. “You know, if you’re going to read erotic fiction at least pick something good, or gay,” he said.

 

“Any suggestions?” Sam asked with a smirk.

 

Grizz thought about it or a moment before answering, “online fanfiction.”

 

“Like?”

 

“I don’t know. Stucky. Larry. Ster- don’t look at me like that,” Grizz finished, playfully glaring at his boyfriend who he just _knew_ was about to make fun of him.

 

“You’re a fanboy,” Sam accused.

 

“Am not. There’s just not a whole lot of LGBT literature out there that interests me,” Grizz argued.

 

“Uh huh,” Sam nodded, “you know you’d make a good Bucky.”

 

“How?” Grizz asked, thinking of the fictional Marvel character.

 

“Always brooding,” Sam said with a grin.

 

“I am _not_ always brooding,” Grizz retorted.

 

“Yes, you are.”

 

Grizz rolled his eyes, “whatever, Captain Lame.”

 

“That was lame,” Sam teased.

 

“I know,” Grizz snapped, “now get back to work.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Sam nodded.

 

Grizz didn’t take the conversation any further. He opened the book to the first page and read the first line. He had actually read the book before, the entire series, mostly because he hated finishing a book half way through. It was a stupid book but he hoped it would make him feel a little less pathetic about himself, reading about the fictional character’s lives.

 

He read the first page, barely getting half way through it before he began dwelling on the words his dad spoke at home. He didn’t even know why it bothered him so much. He didn’t care if his hair made him look like a ‘faggot’ or a ‘sissy’. He cared that his dad thought those were bad things.

 

His hair fell into his face as he looked down. Huffing, he pushed it back, tucking it behind his ear. He never really paid that much attention to his hair, and he never minded it getting in the way, but as he lay there reading the same sentence twelve times, he couldn’t help but be hyper-aware of how the strands would tickle the back of his neck, or how he could see them out of the corner of his eyes before some finally dropped down his forehead again.

 

“Stupid fucking hair,” he muttered, pushing the strand back.

 

It didn’t end there though. He found himself unable to keep his hand off his hair, constantly pushing it out of the way, or not liking the way it sat, or how some strands seemed to be on one side more than the other side. He felt himself getting more and more aggravated, his blood boiling, and he got _even more_ aggravated _because_ he was aggravated and he hated being that way because of his stupid fucking dad.

 

Reaching fever pitch, Grizz sat up, tossing the book on the ground as he dramatically fell onto his back. He hit the mattress with his fist as he let out groan.

 

“Stupid fucking hair!” he yelled.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked as he placed his hand over Grizz’s. And, right, Sam was there, witnessing his mini mental breakdown. Grizz sat up, looking at his boyfriend, hoping he wouldn’t think he was actually insane but needing to get it off his chest.

 

“My hair is annoying. Really annoying. It keeps getting in the way, and it’s too long like a girl’s and…” he stopped shaking his head.

 

“So, get a haircut,” Sam said simply.

 

“I don’t want a fucking haircut,” Grizz snapped.

 

Sam frowned at the outburst, the confusion etched into his features. The second he noticed him looking at him like that, Grizz felt awful. He was a mess. He felt stupid, and frustrated, and most of all, inadequate, like there was something wrong with him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz whispered, looking away. And _fuck._ He was going to cry. If only his dad could see him now, about to cry, in front of a _boy_. Would that make him look like a ‘faggot’? Probably. The thought almost made him laugh, almost. It was enough for him to only let a couple of tears out before covering his face.

 

Sam must have thought he was crazy, surely. Grizz thought that maybe he should tell him what was going on, but he didn’t want to because he knew he was blowing things out of proportion. He knew that worst things had happened. He knew his issues with his dad weren’t worth getting so upset over, but fuck, he just wanted to be accepted. He wanted to feel normal.

 

Sam took hold of his hands and pulled them away from his face. Grizz looked back at him, shame causing his cheeks to tint red. Sam didn’t say a thing though. What he did was take the hair tie that was almost always around Grizz’s wrist before crawling around behind him. Grizz sat there, wondering what he was doing, before he felt fingers tenderly running through his hair.

 

Sam smoothed out the mess that Grizz made. He closed his eyes, feeling himself calm down under Sam’s touch. His new hair-dresser gently collected the strands long enough and pulled them back into a tiny bun, tying them together with the hair-tie. With the hair no longer touching his face, Grizz felt the irritation leaving his body.

 

“Better?” Sam asked as he moved back around in front of Grizz. He opened his eyes, seeing Sam’s soft, blue ones staring back at him. Grizz had never been more appreciative of his boyfriend in that moment. He had never been more amazed at how he managed to make him feel just _right_ , how he made it all better without even knowing what he was fixing. Just like that, his dad didn’t matter anymore. Nothing did, except Sam.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz didn’t answer that, because he didn’t want to talk about it. It was a non-issue now. Instead, he leant forward, taking Sam’s face in his hands before kissing him. Sam’s lips, as always, were so soft against his and they fit together so perfectly, or maybe Sam was just a really good kisser. Or maybe, to Grizz, everything Sam did was perfect.

 

In that moment, Grizz wanted Sam more than he had ever wanted him since they started dating. He loved him more than ever, and he wanted him to know that, he _needed_ him to know just how special he was.

 

Sam followed Grizz’s movements, chasing his lips as he moved them further back onto the bed. Grizz practically collapsed on his boyfriend, knees between Sam’s thighs, wanting his body to be as close as possible with every nook and cranny void of space, almost as if they were about to meld together.

 

When Sam deepened the kiss and tugged on the leftover strands of his hair near his neck, a rush of endorphins washed over his entire body. His head spun and for a moment it was like he was on another planet where it was just the two of them.

 

 _I love you, I love you, I fucking love you_ , Grizz chanted over and over again in his head, because fuck, he was so damn in love with Sam and no other feeling could ever compare to that.

 

They stayed there for a long time, just kissing, tasting each other, enjoying the warmth that radiated off the other’s body. That was until Sam, being Sam, started tugging on Grizz’s shirt, trying to get it off. Grizz sat up for only a moment to pull his shirt of, and Sam took off his own before he sat up and attacked Grizz’s neck. Grizz’s eyes fluttered shut as he relished in the rush of warmth that spread throughout his body with every kiss that Sam left. He was sure he was going to pass out if Sam kept that up.

 

Grizz forced him back to the bed before taking his rightful place on top of him. He kissed Sam hard, no longer content with the lazy kissing from earlier. His body moved on top of Sam’s, his hips rolling back and forth, up and down, desperate for more contact, but apparently even that wasn’t enough for Sam who gripped Grizz’s hips and pulled him closer before locking him in with his thighs.

 

Grizz went to his neck, nuzzling his nose against the silky, soft skin before licking the dip of his collarbone. Sam shivered under the touch which only encouraged Grizz more. Wanting nothing more than to make Sam feel as though he were on cloud nine, Grizz found the spot right below Sam’s ear that he knew always drove him wild. He nipped on the spot before sucking harshly. Sam moaned as he arched his back, rutting himself against Grizz.

 

Grizz’s entire body felt like it was on fire. The heat only worsened when a needy Sam shoved his hand between them and cupped Grizz’s quickly growing bulge. Grizz had gotten himself so worked up that his first reaction was to take Sam’s hands, stopping him from his endeavours, and pin his wrists to the mattress above his head, just so he wouldn’t make him come then and there.

 

Sam whimpered in protest. Grizz pushed himself up, looking down at his boyfriend, at his swollen lips, dark eyes and flushed cheeks. The both panted as they eyed each other down. Grizz slid his hands up, lacing their fingers together.

 

“Do you have any idea how much I’m in love with you?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowed a little as he thought. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it, changing his mind, before finally saying, “show me.”

 

Grizz paused, his breath hitched in his throat, because he knew exactly what Sam meant. Having sex with Sam wasn’t something he had planned for that day. It wasn’t how he imagined the setting either, but the thing was, it didn’t matter. Nothing felt more right in that moment.

 

“Please?” Sam begged.

 

“Are you sure?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Positive? Like, one hundred per cent?” Grizz asked, wanting to make doubly sure because he didn’t want Sam to feel like he had to do it because Grizz had been in a bad mood and he wanted to make him happy.

 

Sam nodded, “if you are?”

 

“I…I am,” Grizz had never been more serious about anything in his life. “But are you sure?”

 

“Yes,” Sam laughed with a roll of his eyes.

 

“Really?”

 

“Oh my God,” Sam pulled Grizz down to him, planting their lips together once more.

 

Grizz’s heart beat erratically in his chest as if he just took a shot of adrenaline. Somehow though, he wasn’t nervous. All of those times when they got close to having sex and nerves stopped him seemed a million miles away, because there wasn’t one ounce of anxiety in Grizz’s system. There was nothing he was more sure of than Sam.

 

Grizz knew with it being Sam’s first time that, yeah, it might be uncomfortable, it may even hurt, but Grizz was more than determined, and with all the practice they had been doing, more than prepared, to make sure that Sam felt good. As much as Grizz wanted to tear off their clothes and get right to it, he also wanted to take his time. It all depended on whether he had enough self-control, and with the way Sam was grinding against him, he was going to lose it.

 

With every bit of will power in him, Grizz moved down, their lips detaching from one another, but that wasn’t to say Grizz’s lips had retired. He was only getting started. He trailed his lips down Sam’s chest, taking his sweet time. He took in every little thing Sam did, every reaction, but most of all he liked hearing Sam breathe, feeling his chest rise and fall, and knowing that if he gasped or breathed heavier, that it was all because of what Grizz was doing to him.

 

Grizz stopped at Sam’s nipples and bit at them lightly, because he discovered weeks ago that Sam was into that. He could hear it in his ragged breathing and feel it in the way Sam writhed against him. Grizz forced his hips back down as he went to the other nipple, swirling his tongue around it. Grizz could worship Sam’s entire body like this for hours.

 

“Keep going,” Sam said impatiently.

 

Grizz didn’t obey. He wanted to get Sam worked up. He wanted him to relax, and that was how it was done; making him such a mess that he couldn’t even begin to get nervous. He wanted Sam to get lost in a fiery pit of pleasure. He kept at it, kissing all over Sam’s chest, going back up to his neck every now and again because that was one of Grizz’s favorite parts of Sam. He ran his hands up and down Sam’s thighs, almost cupping him, but stopping just short.

 

“Grizz…” Sam pleaded.

 

Giving in, Grizz travelled further down Sam’s body, peppering kisses down his stomach. Not able to help himself, he cupped Sam through his sweatpants, feeling the outline of his length. He palmed him slowly as he kissed every inch of Sam’s torso that he could get his lips on. He squeezed Sam, making him moan deep in his throat.

 

“Grizz!” Sam snapped.

 

He knew Sam hated it when he didn’t get right to it, and maybe, just maybe, that turned Grizz on a little. Or a lot. He loved the way Sam damn near threw a tantrum when their clothes stayed on a bit too long, or Grizz spent a little too much time wanting to kiss him. As Sam huffed in annoyance once more, Grizz couldn’t help but smile as he dragged his teeth along his hipbone. Grizz loved Sam’s hips. He didn’t really know why. Maybe it was the way the bone jutted out, and maybe it was the way Sam rocked them back and forth in an almost mesmerizing way as he wriggled around impatiently.

 

He palmed Sam a little harder and faster as he tugged down one side of his sweats, revealing part of his thigh. Grizz kissed along the sensitive skin, feeling Goosebumps break out underneath his lips. He inched closer, his nose nuzzling along Sam’s thigh before tugging the sweats down, and not able to hold himself back, he ran his tongue from base to tip before circling his lips around his tip and sucking him into his warm, wet mouth.

 

“Fuck…” Sam sighed. Grizz sucked him in, cheeks hollowing as he went further down, before coming back up, repeating the motion a few times. He was so desperate to have Sam feeling good, and judging by the moans, he was doing a pretty good job.  

 

Grizz yanked at Sam’s sweats, wanting them completely off. He pulled back, Sam whining in protest. Grizz was more the eager to get back to it, but first, he took Sam’s sweats of, leaving him naked on the bed in front of him. Sam sat up for a moment, leaning over to his bedside drawer. He opened it and took out the familiar bottle of lube before pressing it to Grizz’s chest.

 

“Stop messing around, please. I want you,” Sam said.

 

“It’s not messing around,” Grizz said as he popped open the lube, “it’s called foreplay. It’s fun.”

 

“You inside me will be fun,” Sam said bluntly as he lay back on the bed. Those words went straight to Grizz’s cock. Jesus Christ, Sam was going to kill him one day. Grizz poured some of the lube on his fingers, and with Sam’s thighs up on Grizz’s hips, it was easy for Grizz to reach down and slowly slide one finger in.

 

“Having fun yet?” Grizz asked.

 

“Lots.”

 

Grizz smiled as he easily entered another finger. After all, they had been doing this a lot. He moved both fingers in and out, watching Sam’s every reaction like he always did. They had only done this for practice before, or for fun. Never in preparation for sex. The thought had Grizz gulping down his nerves. He didn’t want to hurt Sam. He wanted him to feel good, really good. The two had spoken a lot about who would bottom the first time, and Sam seemed pretty damn adamant about it, and who was Grizz to argue with what the man wanted?

 

“You tell me if you want me to stop,” Grizz said, his eyes boring into Sam’s.

 

“Same to you,” Sam said.

 

“Or if anything really hurts,” Grizz added.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam waved him off.

 

Grizz took Sam’s chin between his thumb and finger, making him look right at him. “Promise me.”

 

Sam smiled, shaking his head, “you worry too much.”

 

“You worry too little,” Grizz countered.

 

“Get out of your head, Grizz. I love you and I want you. I have for a while now,” Sam said.

 

Grizz looked down at him, and he was right. They both loved each other. They both wanted each other. They both needed this, or at least, Grizz did. He needed the feeling he got in his chest; not just the love he felt for Sam, but the warmth that radiated through it that made him feel at home when he was with him.

 

“Now, more, please, I’m horny,” Sam said, completely smashing through Grizz’s lovey-dovey thought process.

 

“You are the worst,” Grizz said before leaning down and kissing him firmly on the lips.

 

He worked his fingers in and out of Sam as their tongues slid together at almost the same pace. Sam gasped when Grizz eventually added the third finger, and he earnt himself a moan with a fourth. It wasn’t even _just_ about preparing Sam. Sam really fucking liked this part. Grizz knew how he felt, because they had switched on occasion, and while Sam really liked it a whole lot more, Grizz could appreciate the different kind of pleasure it brought with it.

 

“Grizz…” Sam murmured against his lips.

 

Grizz trailed his lips along Sam’s jawline, going to his neck for the umpteenth time. Sam quivered against him, rocking up and down in time with Grizz’s movements. It was so fucking hot and turned Grizz on so much that he was sure if he kept rutting against Sam’s thigh like he had been that he’d be a goner before they even started.

 

“G…Gri…Grizz…you…you can’t…n-no…” Sam’s incoherent words were the sign for Grizz to stop. He pushed himself up and carefully took his fingers out of his boyfriend. He looked down at the man breathing heavily, cheeks reddened.

 

“Do you think you’re ready?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yes, yes. Please,” Sam nodded.

 

“You sure?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam rolled his eyes and sat up, wrapping his arms around Grizz’s neck and crashing their lips together. Grizz tried his best to keep up, but when Sam had a mission in mind, well, there was nothing stopping him. Sam was quick to undo Grizz’s jeans completely and push them down to his mid-thighs, and he was even quicker to wrap his hand around his length and give him a few short tugs.

 

Grizz hummed against Sam’s lips and they felt to the bed once more. Sam’s free hand went to Grizz’s hair and carded his fingers through it, removing the hair-tie. Grizz’s worries about his hair vanished. All that mattered was that Sam liked playing with his hair, whether it be messing it up, pulling on it, or just clinging on. Grizz would never cut it for that reason alone.

 

The kiss was sloppy, full of heat, tongues massaging against the other. Grizz’s heart was racing and he could practically hear the blood pumping through his veins. Intoxication swept over him and all he could think about was finally having sex with Sam.

 

“Okay,” Sam said against Grizz’s lips, the other boy pulling back slightly, “okay, let’s do this thing.”

 

“Let’s do this thing?” Grizz asked when he pulled back far enough for Sam to read his lips.

 

“Uh huh,” Sam nodded, “let’s get this show on the road, do the do, tango. You get it. Come on.” Grizz couldn’t help but smile wide, because he dreamt of this, of having a boyfriend that he could, well, sleep with, but on the other hand have a boyfriend who he could joke around in bed with, and it was only their first time. It was how he knew he and Sam were meant to be.

 

“Dork,” Grizz teased before he left the warmth of Sam’s body and stood at the side of the bed. He pushed his jeans and boxers down, kicking them off onto the floor.

 

“Oh no,” Sam gasped.

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t have condoms,” he said with wide eyes.

 

“What?!” Grizz practically yelled. It wasn’t exactly a _total_ disaster, because Grizz had some in his car, but he didn’t exactly want to get dressed again to go outside.

 

Sam laughed, “ha, kidding. Third drawer.”

 

Grizz shot him a glare, “I hate you.”

 

“Good. I heard hate sex can be pretty hot,” Sam said.

 

Grizz merely sighed in exasperation, wondering why in the world, _how_ in the world, he fell in love with Sam. He ignored the comment as he rifled through the third drawer and found the condoms stashed up the back of it. He took one out and tossed it at Sam before getting back on the bed between Sam’s legs. He ran his hands up and down Sam’s thighs, taking in the sight before him. Grizz reminded himself exactly of why he loved Sam. He was fucking perfect.

 

“Is this position okay? Or would it be more comfortable on your stomach?” Grizz asked.

 

“I wanna see you if you talk to me. And I wanna kiss you,” Sam answered. Grizz couldn’t agree more. He thought he might just die if he didn’t get to see Sam’s face.

 

Grizz watched Sam as he fumbled with the condom, trying to get it open. He eventually did and glanced at Grizz before sitting up. He rolled the condom onto Grizz’s dick, giving it a few strokes to make sure he was still hard, which was ridiculous, because Grizz had never been more turned on in his entire life.

 

“Remember,” Grizz said when Sam looked to his lips again, “tell me if you want me to stop or slow down.”

 

“Okay,” Sam nodded, no longer making any jokes.

 

There were the nerves again, bubbling up in Grizz. Not because he was nervous about having sex, but he was nervous that he could hurt Sam, or that Sam wouldn’t like it. But, as he looked into those baby blue eyes, Grizz knew he didn’t have a thing to worry about. He knew Sam was just as much into this as he was.

 

Grizz gently nudged Sam to lay down. He did so, and Grizz picked up the lube again, coating his cock generously, like, a ridiculous amount, he knew that. But he wanted to make sure it was enough. He lowered himself to Sam, their chests almost touching. He kissed his cheek, silently telling him to relax. It worked. Sam’s tense body relax underneath him.

 

Grizz guided himself to Sam, slipping his tip in as carefully as he could. Sam exhaled shakily. Grizz shifted, trying to find a better position, and well, it was all a bit awkward, but it didn’t matter. When Sam gave a little nod, he slid in further, going slow, so slow, like glacial pace slow. He watched Sam, focusing on his breathing, his eyes. God, his eyes were so important. They closed as Grizz sunk further in, making Grizz stop, letting him adjust, until he would open his eyes again and that was the sign he was ready for more.

 

Grizz bit down hard on his bottom lip, focusing on the pain, because god-fucking-dammit, being inside Sam felt _incredible_. He was losing himself, desperate for more. He pushed in a little further, making Sam moan and flinch away.

 

“Sorry,” Grizz said quickly. He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, making him look up, “sorry.”

 

Sam shook his head, “I’m good. Keep going.”

 

“Are you sure?” Grizz asked.

 

“I will flip us over and ride you if you don’t hurry up,” Sam murmured.

 

“Wow, romance,” Grizz teased.

 

“Wow, shut up,” Sam shot back.

 

Grizz smiled as he leant down, catching his lips. Sam arched his back, and before Grizz knew it, he was all the way in, buried in his boyfriend. His chest exploded with pure love. He had never felt like this before, ever. It wasn’t just about the sex. It was everything that Sam was. For a minute he just stayed still, kissing his boyfriend, basking in the moment.

 

Sam’s fingers dug into Grizz’s shoulders, not that Grizz minded. It was the only part of his body that had tensed, and then the pressure loosened and those fingers trailed down Grizz’s body to his hips, giving them a little push. It was the signal Grizz needed to move, and he did so, ever so slowly. He was practically shaking as he tried to control himself, because fuck, he wanted to go fast. He almost needed it. But he needed Sam to be okay first.

 

Grizz felt as though he was drunk on Sam. It was surreal, and all he could focus on was the way Sam was reacting, making sure he was still kissing him back, making sure he was breathing heavily in the way that Grizz knew it meant he was enjoying it. He pushed back a little to look at Sam’s face, just to make sure he wasn’t in pain.

 

“A little faster,” Sam begged.

 

Grizz nodded, needing that too. He rocked back and forth at a steady rhythm. He rested his forehead on Sam’s as their lips ghosted over one another’s, hot breath mixing together. Sam chased his lips, biting his bottom one before wrapping his arms around Grizz’s neck and keeping him in place as they made out.

 

Grizz had never concentrated so hard in his entire life to control himself, to not climax so soon, but it was hard, really hard when he had Sam breathing heavily against his lips and his nails running across his shoulders and down his back. Sam splayed his hands on Grizz’s hips, pulling him down a little faster.

 

Grizz choked out a moan as he sped up a fraction, still careful not to hurt Sam. He wasn’t hurting him though. Sam was kissing Grizz with so much enthusiasm, and holy hell, grinding himself against Grizz, making him lose his damn mind.

 

Grizz couldn’t hold it in any longer. The small fire burning in the pool of his stomach set ablaze as he lurched forward and without another warning from his body, he came in waves. His elbows gave out as he collapsed on top of Sam, going limp. White noise followed as it felt like he was falling into the depths of Sam. He was sure his vision blurred, and maybe he passed out. Or maybe he was being dramatic. All he knew in that moment was that he had sky-rocketed off to a different dimension.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz breathed as he sat up on shaky arms, “fuck…I’m sorry…I…”

 

“That good, huh?” Sam asked with a cheeky grin.

 

“You have no fucking idea,” Grizz answered. He wasn’t embarrassed that he came so quickly. Sam had a habit of doing that to him. He was just disappointed he finished before Sam did, but at the same time, it was their first time, after all, and he knew it wouldn’t be perfect. But still. It was so fucking perfect.

 

“Stay,” Sam said the moment Grizz made the move to slide out of him. He wasn’t just going to leave Sam on the edge like that. He was going to go down on him, but instead, Sam took Grizz’s hand and placed it between them. Getting the idea, Grizz wrapped his hand around Sam’s still hard dick and stroked him.

 

Grizz was going soft, but that didn’t stop him from grinding against Sam as he jerked him off. He went to Sam’s neck, littering it with kisses. Sam moaned, bucking into Grizz’s fist. Grizz kissed up to his ear, biting the ear lobe. Grizz was pretty certain he was about to start getting hard again.

 

“Faster,” Sam pleaded.

 

Grizz stroked Sam faster, and yeah, Grizz was getting turned on again. He moved his hand faster as he sucked on Sam’s neck, desperate to push him over the edge. It didn’t take long before Grizz heard a strangled noise coming from Sam. Grizz _felt_ him come, spilling onto his stomach and Grizz’s hand. He _felt_ Sam tense around him which in itself had Grizz biting back a moan.

 

He worked his hand up and down a little slower, working Sam through it as he slowly, but surely, untensed. Grizz brought his lips to Sam’s, kissing him gently. Sam brought his hands up to Grizz’s face, holding him in place for a moment as he kissed back. Eventually though, they came back to reality and Grizz pulled out, but he didn’t move from being on top of him.

 

Grizz pushed back a fraction to look at Sam, and he couldn’t stop smiling. Neither of them could. Sam ran his fingers through Grizz’s hair, his eyes darting all over Grizz’s face.

 

“Huh…so…that was sex?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Eh,” Sam shrugged.

 

“I fucking hate you,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m kidding. That was…everything,” Sam said.

 

“It really was,” Grizz nodded. It was the truth. Because yeah, some parts were a little awkward, and they didn’t go for hours on end, and they didn’t have some magical moment where they both climaxed at the same time in the throes of passion. But it was perfect anyway.

 

 “You have like a five minute refractory period. We’re doing that again,” Sam said.

 

“You’re the boss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and I'm tired so sorry if there are mistakes. Also if you've commented on the previous chapter and I haven't replied yet, I'M GOING TO, just probably tomorrow because I need sleep right now.  
> I actually hate writing sexual content but it's what the people want, right? Lol. so I hope it's okay even though it didn't even really feel like it was smut. Anyway...


	42. Brainwashed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 41 recap: Grizz and Sam had the sex. 
> 
> Okay about Bros With Benefits. Yeah I'm behind on updating that one, and in this story there was about a month time jump since the party where Jason/Clark hooked up, but a lot of stuff has happened with Jason and Clark in those few weeks but I just haven't gotten around to writing it yet. So spoiler warning that Clark and Jason are mentioned a few times in this chapter and they're in a much different place as to how we saw them last time, but I WILL be eventually writing how they got from point A to point B. It's just that updating the main story on the regular is more of a priority for me. So yeah, sorry for the spoilers but ya still don't know exactly what happened I guess lol. Thanks for the patience though!!

On Monday as the bell rang for lunch, all Grizz could think about was finding Sam. Since they had their first time together that weekend, he couldn’t get his boyfriend off his mind, and the last thing he wanted to do was sit through the boring History lesson courtesy of Mr. Spencer. The moment the shrill ring of the bell sounded, Grizz piled his books into his bag and leapt from his seat.

 

“Mr. Visser, I didn’t dismiss the class!” Mr. Spencer shouted after him.

 

“Sorry, gotta take a leak!” Grizz lied before dashing from the room.

 

Grizz was in a hurry because Sam’s locker was all the way over the other side of the building so he might not catch him before he went to the cafeteria, but he needed to get to him first, because he wanted, no, _needed_ , to kiss him, and there was a strict ‘no kissing’ rule at their table, made by Gwen who was bitter that her boyfriend was hours away and she didn’t want to see happy couples making out in front of her.

 

Not wanting to get a detention, Grizz fell into a brisk walk as he made his way down the hall. And there he was, auburn hair shining, a glowing aura around him, a halo atop that beautiful head of his. Angel’s sung as the two got closer. Or maybe that was all in Grizz’s mind.

 

Grizz snuck up on the boy, wrapping his arms around him from behind. Tensing at first, Sam relaxed as Grizz placed a kiss on his neck. Neither of them cared who saw them. After the past few weeks, everyone was used to seeing them like this, and no one said a thing about it. It was one of the perks of being popular.

 

It wasn’t all perfect though. Grizz noticed people looking at him differently. He noticed the dirty glances thrown his way, and he noticed how the guys in his gym class would stand further away from him in the locker rooms, or turn their back on him. As if he would ever find any of them even remotely attractive when he had Sam to look at instead. He put their actions down to sheer ignorance.

 

Sam turned in Grizz’s arms and leant against the lockers. Grizz rested one arm against the lockers by Sam’s head and the other straightened out the collar on Sam’s shirt before he trailed his fingertips along the crook of his neck. Did Sam really have to go and look _that_ attractive every day? Grizz could barely handle it.

 

“Hi,” Grizz spoke.

 

“Hi,” Sam said back.

 

‘I missed you,’ Grizz signed.

 

‘You saw me this morning,’ Sam signed back.

 

“That was a long time ago,” Grizz pointed out. It was, wasn’t it? Like, a whole three hours.

 

Sam rolled his eyes, “you’re getting clingy.”

 

“Gotta be. Where else will I get sex?” Grizz teased.

 

Sam scrunched his nose up as he went to hit Grizz’s chest, only Grizz caught his hand. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he shuffled closer to Sam and did what he had wanted to do all day. He pressed their lips together, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. Yeah, that should tide him over for at least the next half an hour. Maybe.

 

“Get a room!” a voice called out through the hall. It was Luke, and just to annoy him Grizz kissed Sam a little harder, making him laugh and push him away.

 

“I don’t think this is really the place,” Sam said.

 

“We can go find a place,” Grizz suggested.

 

Sam squinted at Grizz, his eyes darting all over his face, “who are you and what did you do to my shy boyfriend?”

 

“I thought you liked it when I’m forward,” Grizz shrugged.

 

“I do, but not in the middle of the halls,” Sam said, glancing around.

 

“Everyone else does it,” Grizz said.

 

Sam didn’t comment on that. He turned and finished putting his books in his locker before shutting the door and spinning the lock. He turned back to Grizz, looking up at him with those bright blue eyes of his that Grizz loved so much.

 

“So,” Grizz started, “I’ve been thinking.”

 

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Sam commented.

 

Ignoring that, Grizz went on, signing to him, ‘do you want you want to go to prom with me?’

 

Sam’s eyebrows twitched into a frown as he titled his head to the side, eyeing Grizz curiously, “I thought you didn’t even want to go to prom.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t know. It might be fun?” Grizz questioned, because he wasn’t entirely sold on the idea of prom just yet, and Sam could see that. He wasn’t buying into it at all. He stared at Grizz, waiting for the truth. And God damn it, how did he know Grizz was lying?

 

“The guys begged me to go,” he admitted, “they said it wouldn’t be the same without me and I’d be letting them down.”

 

“Oh, so you don’t really want to go with me. You just have to,” Sam concluded.

 

“If you’re going to be difficult about it, I can ask someone else. I wonder what Clark is doing…” Grizz pondered.

 

“Clark has a boyfriend,” Sam snapped in a whisper. That wasn’t exactly public knowledge yet.

 

“I don’t think they’re technically boyfriends, but anyway…just go with me, please? It’ll suck a lot less with you there,” Grizz begged. Was he going to have to get down on his hands and knees?

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip, taking way too long to give him an answer. “Can we wear matching ties?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“And we get to dance in front of everyone?” Sam asked.

 

“I just kissed you in front of everyone, didn’t I?” Grizz pointed out.

 

“Why didn’t I get a proper promposal? Luke had the entire football team bring Helena a single rose each and sing to her, and what do I get?” Sam asked, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically.

 

“You know what, I take it back. I’ll go by myself,” Grizz stepped back.

 

“No,” Sam whined, reaching out to grab hold of Grizz’s wrist, “come back. I’ll go with you. Of course I will.”

 

“Really?” Grizz asked as he stepped close to Sam once more, their bodies almost flush against each other’s.

 

“What, like I’m going to say no?” Sam laughed.

 

“You could’ve,” Grizz murmured.

 

“Still might,” Sam shrugged.

 

“You’re the worst,” Grizz glared at him.

 

“I know,” Sam grinned. He placed his hand on the back of Grizz’s neck and pulled him closer. Like magnet to Sam’s lips, Grizz was attached to them once more, revelling in how soft they were, and the warm feeling he always got through his chest.

 

Grizz honestly could not get enough of Sam. He could have stayed there for hours kissing him, and after what they had gotten up to on Saturday, more than once, Grizz’s attraction to Sam had amplified to the point where Grizz was almost always turned on at the mere thought of Sam.

 

“You’re making out on my locker,” Becca spoke.

 

Grizz pulled back, seeing her standing there looking up at the two of them with a less than impressed expression on her face.

 

“Sorry,” Grizz said, only he wasn’t sorry at all.

 

Becca’s hands moved quick as she signed and Grizz followed them, trying to keep up, ‘the two of you are really cute and shit but you make me sick.’

 

“I understood that,” Grizz said proudly.

 

“Not as dumb as you look,” Becca teased.

 

“Woah,” Grizz gasped, “when did you get so mean?”

 

“Since you’ve been taking up all of my Sam time,” she shot back.

 

“You had him last night!” Grizz argued.

 

“And you had him the day before. In more ways than one,” Becca smirked.

 

Grizz’s neck snapped as he looked back at Sam, who was staring at Becca with wide eyes. Grizz turned Sam’s face to look back at him. He wasn’t mad that he told Becca what they did, in fact, he expected him to. But he would still play up his disapproval anyway.

 

“You told her?” he asked.

 

“As if you didn’t tell Luke,” Sam countered.

 

Becca tapped Sam, getting his attention before signing, ‘and Gwen.’

 

Sam crossed his arms over his chest as he looked back to Grizz. Okay, so _maybe_ Grizz technically couldn’t be upset over Sam telling Becca.

 

“I’m hungry. It’s lunch time. Let’s go before it’s too late,” Grizz changed the subject. He took Sam’s hand and dragged him away from the lockers, leaving Becca there on her own.

 

“Did you tell all of your friends? Like I’m some sort of conquest that you brag about? Just another notch on the belt, right?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz stopped, turning to him, “no. I told Luke because I tell him, like, everything. And Gwen guessed.”

 

“How did she just guess?” Sam asked like he didn’t believe him.

 

“Because I was smiling like an idiot in class and when she guessed that as the reason, I smiled more, okay?” Grizz explained.

 

Sam beamed, “aww, you were thinking about me in class?”

 

“I think about you all the time,” Grizz said simply.

 

Deciding the conversation was over, Grizz took Sam’s hand and once again dragged him on down the hallway, dodging people walking in the opposite direction. Sam jogged a little to catch up before the two fell into a comfortable pace side by side.

 

The two headed into the cafeteria together, stopping briefly to get some disgusting-looking cafeteria food that Grizz would probably end up devouring because he was really fucking hungry. They headed over to their friends. On one side of the table was Helena and Luke, with Jason and Erica next to them. Across from Luke, and noticeably as far away from Jason as possible, was Clark, glued to his phone as he had been for the past week or so. Grizz sat next to him, with Sam by his side. Everyone greeted them, except Clark who didn’t even look up.

 

“Hey,” Grizz nudged him.

 

“Hi,” Clark spoke, still not looking up.

 

“Same person?” Grizz asked, nodding to the phone.

 

Clark glanced up, giving a smile and a nod. Grizz hadn’t met the guy Clark was talking to. He couldn’t even remember his name. He just knew that Clark was smitten with him. Grizz had only half clued in to whatever was going on with Clark’s rollercoaster of a love life. All he really knew was that he and Jason had something going on for a few weeks, and then suddenly Clark was talking to this new guy, and Jason was back with Erica for the millionth time.

 

Clark would barely even look at Jason most days, although it didn’t seem like they hated each other at all. They just weren’t like they used to be. As for Jason, Sam had brought it to Grizz’s attention that Jason would often look over at Clark who was too busy texting the new guy to even notice him. Whenever Grizz asked Clark about what happened with Jason, Clark would say nothing happened, that he was just a friend who helped him figure shit out and that was that. And when he asked Jason, he would say he was with Erica now and that was the end of the conversation. Something else had happened, Grizz was sure of it. He just didn’t know what.

 

“Fuck Mrs. Brown!” Gwen shouted for the entire cafeteria to hear as she sat down next to Sam, “we graduate in like three weeks and the bitch is on my case about homework? I already got into college! As if school even matters now!”

 

“Why don’t you just drop out now then?” Jason asked.

 

“Wait, can I do that?” Gwen asked, “Grizz, can I do that?”

 

“No,” Grizz said simply.

 

“Oh. Bummer. Because I totally would,” Gwen said.

 

“Thanks for leaving me, assholes,” Becca said as she got to the table and sat next to Luke.

 

“You were being mean. It was warranted,” Grizz said.

 

“Now that everyone’s together,” Luke interrupted them before they started arguing once more, “I thought we could all hang out Friday night at mine? We can organize prom and shit.”

 

“Is this your idea or Helena and Gwen’s?” Jason asked.

 

“Listen, there’ll be beer, okay?” Luke bargained.

 

“Yeah man, I’m in,” Jason nodded, along with Erica.

 

“I guess,” Becca said, “there’s not long left until you’re all going off to college and abandoning us so it’ll be cool to hang out.”

 

Grizz looked to Sam who was glancing around at all the others, not following. He nudged him, getting his attention, “hang out at Luke’s on Friday?”

 

Sam smiled and nodded.

 

“Clark?” Luke asked.

 

“Hm?”

 

“My place, Friday,” Luke said.

 

Clark glanced over at Jason for only a split second before shrugging, “maybe, I don’t know.”

 

“Dude,” Jason said, eyeing Clark.

 

It was beginning to get a little awkward as Clark just shrugged again and looked down at his phone. Others were noticing that too. No one, other than Sam and Grizz, knew that something had happened with Clark and Jason. They kept it on the downlow. Maybe Erica knew. Grizz wasn’t too sure if Jason had told her anything.

 

“Has anyone seen Elle?” Grizz changed the topic.

 

“I had the last class with her, but she left before I did because I was kept back,” Gwen said. 

 

Just as her name had been brought up, Grizz looked around and there she was, heading into the cafeteria. The blonde girl headed straight over to them, sitting next to Clark who shuffled closer to Grizz to make room for her.

 

“Hey, where have you been?” Grizz asked. The question had been in his head and he didn’t mean to sound so nosy with his tone but, well, he had been keeping a close eye on her in the few weeks since she had been broken up with Campbell and it had just become a habit to know where she was.

 

“Bathroom,” she said simply, tucking her hair behind her ear.

 

Helena started talking to her at that point, about Friday, and Grizz tuned out, turning to Sam and starting a conversation up with him instead.

 

\---

 

Grizz pulled up into the school parking lot on Friday, killing the engine. He was in a good mood, as he had been most days lately. It had been one month since he came out to the school and the world hadn’t ended like Grizz always thought it would. In fact, things had been so perfect between himself and Sam. It had also been one month since there was any kind of drama with Campbell, and Elle had been integrated into their friend group, so that was why he was so surprised on Friday morning to see what he saw.

 

Getting out of his car parked down the back of the lot beside Luke’s, he scanned the area, for no particular reason, but he was glad he did, because his eyes landed on Campbell’s car, which wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the blonde girl he had in the back seat with him, talking to her, and _kissing_ her?

 

“Elle?” Grizz whispered to himself, “what the fuck?”

 

His stomach dropped, his heart clenched, his skin prickled with fear on behalf of the girl, and if someone had told him that they saw Elle and Campbell kissing, he either would not believe them, or would think Campbell had forced himself on her. But, no, _she_ was kissing _him_. What the actual _fuck?_

 

Grizz didn’t know what to think. He stood there, staring at them in shock. He was confused. He was, well, he was angry, even. What the fuck was going on? He regained his bearings and decided he needed to talk to someone about this. Before they could see him, he dashed away, heading for the school building.

 

He made a beeline for Sam’s locker, as he did every morning, only this time it wasn’t with the intention of giving him a good morning kiss. He needed to get to the bottom of what was going on. Throwing a quick apology Becca’s way, Grizz grabbed Sam by the forearm and dragged him away into a bathroom which was thankfully empty.

 

“Woah, what’s going on?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz let go, facing him, running his hand through his hair. He was trying not to panic. He had become so invested in Elle’s well-being and safety, and he thought they had guaranteed that for her. The thought of her being back with Campbell terrified him.

 

“I just saw Elle with Campbell,” Grizz said.  

 

“What?”

 

“Elle and Campbell. They were making out in his car,” Grizz explained.

 

He was hoping Sam had some sort of knowledge of this, like maybe he knew that Elle was faking being with him for some reason, or this was all just some messed up elaborate prank. But Sam looked just as confused as Grizz was.

 

“They’re back together?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, “you haven’t seen her around the house?”

 

“No,” Sam frowned, “he’s never even home anymore.”

 

Grizz paced the room, searching his memory for anything that could explain this. When did this even happen? Had she been with him the entire time? She couldn’t have been. She had been with Grizz’s friends every day. She was happy now.

 

“It doesn’t make any sense. She was out,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you going to talk to her?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz said without a second thought, “I’m not letting her go back to that.”

 

“Do you think he’s making her? Have they been together behind our backs the whole time?” Sam asked exactly what had been on Grizz’s mind.

 

“She’s been happier though?”

 

“Must be recent,” Sam suggested.

 

 “I can’t believe this. What the fuck is she thinking?” Grizz really couldn’t believe it. Did she just forget that she wanted to die because of her relationship with him? Did Grizz just dream that entire night?

 

“We need to talk to her,” Sam decided.

 

“I will,” Grizz agreed, maybe even a little aggressively. But he was so determined to make sure she was okay. “Has Campbell said or done anything at home? Like to you?”

 

“Like I said, he’s never home. He never even talks to me,” Sam said.

 

If he was never home, did that mean he was with Elle? Had he been hurting her again? Was he forcing her into it? What the hell was Elle thinking? That moment, the bell rang, pulling Grizz from his thoughts for a brief second.

 

“That’s the bell,” Grizz told him, “I’m gonna catch Elle before class.”

 

“Okay, let me know what’s going on,” Sam said.

 

“I will,” Grizz stepped forward and gave Sam a quick kiss before he left the bathroom with one mission in mind.

 

Grizz stormed down the hall. He tried not to be an angry person, but he _was_ angry. He was pissed. Campbell could _not_ get his claws back in her. He wouldn’t allow it. Campbell was damn lucky Grizz didn’t run into him in the halls on his way to class, because Grizz wasn’t sure if he would be able to hold back.

 

Grizz got to his classroom before anyone else did, but he didn’t go in. He waited outside until he saw the girl in question. As she walked to him, he tried to notice if there was a difference in her. Over the past few weeks she had become so much happier. Physically, she looked so much healthier. She had put on a little weight and she was smiling a lot more. Why would she risk going back to how she was before?

 

“We need to talk,” Grizz said as she got to him.

 

She looked at him a bit confused, “what’s going on?”

 

“I need to talk to you,” Grizz said, nodding for her to follow him down the hall.

 

“Uhm, we have class,” she giggled, “what’s going on?”

 

“You being back with Campbell is a bit more important than class,” Grizz snapped, and yeah, he wasn’t just mad at Campbell, he was mad at her. Elle wasn’t expecting him to say that. Her smile faltered, but she didn’t seem that surprised. She nodded and gestured for Grizz to lead the way, which he did. The two left the school building, going out to the football field under the bleachers where they wouldn’t be interrupted.

 

“What the fuck, Elle?” Grizz started.

 

“Okay, don’t be mad,” she said quickly, holding her hands up in defence.

 

“Don’t be mad?” Grizz was losing his mind, “what are you doing with him? How long has this been going on?”

 

“Only the past couple days, okay? Tuesday night he came over and…yeah,” she said.

 

“And you let him in? We talked about that,” Grizz lectured.

 

“You didn’t see him. He was really upset. He was crying and saying he’s sorry for everything. We talked for hours and…I don’t know…” she shrugged. She actually shrugged as if it were _nothing_. Grizz couldn’t believe he was hearing this.

 

“You almost died, Elle,” he reminded her.

 

“Yeah, and that’s on me. That’s my fault. I can’t blame other people for what’s wrong in my head,” she said.

 

“Is that what he told you?” he asked. Campbell was manipulating her again. Grizz could see it from a mile away.

 

When she didn’t answer, he went on desperately, “Oh my God, Elle. You can’t do this. You were out. You were getting better. You were so much happier.”

 

“You don’t know that,” she argued.

 

“I know that you tried to kill yourself,” he retorted.

 

 “It’s different this time. He’s really sorry,” she said. He could see in her eyes that she truly believed that.

 

“I am telling you, you need to end it,” Grizz demanded.

 

“And I’m telling you, you need to stop telling me what to do. If it happens again, then I’ll end it,” she bargained.

 

“If it happens again? What? Him beating you?” he asked.

 

“Stop.”

 

“You can do so much better,” he said. She had to see that, right? How toxic Campbell is?

 

“No, I can’t. He…I…I need him, okay?” she said, her voice shaking, but Grizz wasn’t going to back down just because she was getting emotional.

 

“For?”

 

“You don’t get it,” she sighed.

 

“No, I don’t. I really fucking don’t. He’s going to hurt you,” he argued.

 

“I’m done with this conversation,” she waved her hands dismissively.

 

“Elle-“

 

“No, Grizz. I love him. The end,” she barked, and then she went off, leaving Grizz to wonder how in the world Campbell managed to pull this off.

 

Grizz was a mess of anxiety on the inside. Shortly after the overdose incident, Elle had made Grizz promise her that he wouldn’t tell her parents or anyone else what happened, and Grizz agreed because he thought it was over and that she was safe, but this changed everything. He didn’t want to betray Elle’s trust and maybe it was a bit impulsive as he made the decision to head down to the guidance counsellor’s office, but he couldn’t stand by any longer.

 

Grizz was scared. He was terrified for Elle when she overdosed, but he sucked it up, deciding to deal with it on his own even though he was in way over his head. Not this time though. He would not sit around and wait for Elle to hurt herself, or for Campbell to hurt her. He needed to tell someone. He truly believed her life was on the line and he didn’t want any blood on his hands if he stood by and did nothing. He would never forgive himself if something happened.

 

He rounded the corner into the office and walked right by the secretary when he noticed Mr. Quinn’s office door was open and he was alone. He knocked twice, getting his attention. The older man looked up, eyebrows raised in question.

 

“Gareth, you don’t have an appointment?” the man said.  

 

“No, I really need to talk to someone,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay, come in, take a seat,” Mr. Quinn gestured to the chairs in front of his desk.

 

Grizz stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. He sat down, and he would have been nervous if he wasn’t so determined and desperate to get everything off his chest.

 

“What’s going on?” the counsellor asked.

 

“I need to… fuck, I don’t know, report a student?” Grizz said.

 

“For?” Mr. Quinn asked, ignoring his cursing.

 

“Abusing his girlfriend,” Grizz said.

 

That got his attention. He sat up, interlocking his fingers together on the desk in front of him. There was a split second where Grizz wondered if this was the right thing to do, but it had to be. Sure, Grizz was eighteen and a lot of the time he thought he knew how the world worked, but in that moment, he needed a _real_ adult.

 

“Who are we talking about here?” Mr. Quinn asked.

 

“Elle Tomkins and Campbell Eliot,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay…what makes you think he is abusing her?” he asked.

 

“I’ve seen the bruises, and she told me,” Grizz said.

 

Mr. Quinn reached for his notebook and pen, flipping it open and writing something before looking back at Grizz. “How about you tell me everything you know.”

 

So, Grizz did. He told him all the secrets he had been harboring for Elle, starting from when he began noticing the bruises on her, the altercations with Campbell and the way he acted around her, right up to when Elle attempted to kill herself, the bruises he saw then, Elle’s confession and her finally getting away from him, but ending up back with him. After the story he fell silent as he replayed his own words over in his head. Saying them out loud made it seem like the entire story had been dramatized, like he was rehashing the plot of a soap opera. He wasn’t sure if Mr. Quinn believed him.

 

“You are aware of the seriousness of these accusations, correct, Mr. Visser?” Mr. Quinn asked.

 

“Yes, sir,” Grizz nodded, “I can’t stand by and watch her get hurt again.”

 

Mr. Quinn nodded as he stood from his seat, “stay here please.”

 

The man left, leaving Grizz to his thoughts. He felt a lot better letting someone else know what was going on; someone that might actually be able to do something about it. A weight had been lifted off of Grizz’s shoulders, and he felt horrible for thinking it, but maybe this meant Elle and Campbell didn’t have to be Grizz’s problem anymore. It wasn’t like Grizz _wanted_ to be involved, because he didn’t. He just wanted her to be safe.

 

Grizz was in the room alone for the longest time, long enough to wonder if he was going to regret telling Mr. Quinn all of this, because he didn’t know how Elle, or Campbell for that matter, would react. After what felt like a lifetime, and the bell had rung at least twice for students to move onto their next classes, the door opened. Grizz sat up from his slouched position and saw Mr. Quinn, Principal Harris and Elle walk into the room.

 

“Mr. Visser, can I get you to wait outside for a moment,” Mr. Quinn requested.

 

It wasn’t like he had another choice, so Grizz did as he was told. He stood from his chair and locked eyes with Elle who looked beyond terrified. He silently told her to tell the truth. He begged her in his mind to get the help she needed. He wanted to tell her all of those things, but instead he was ushered from the room. And fuck, had he done the right thing? He was sure he did. It was for her own good. Grizz closed the door behind him and took a seat outside the counsellor’s office.

 

Grizz tried his best to listen in to what was going on in the room, but it was incredibly sound proof. He couldn’t even hear the voices, so he gave up pretty quick. After a little while, Grizz was joined by someone else. Campbell. The moment the other boy walked in and saw him, he rolled his eyes before plastering on a smug smile.

 

“Should’ve known,” Campbell said as he plonked down on a chair across from him.

 

Grizz’s glared at him, his gaze refusing to leave. There were a lot of things he wanted to say to him, and he was sure Campbell had a lot of things he wanted to say back, but with the secretary sitting at her desk only a few feet away, neither got the chance.

 

They stared each other down. Grizz hated him more than words could describe. He hated what he was doing to Elle, and he hated that he would probably have to deal with him for the rest of his life if he and Sam ended up together, which he was sure they would. A lifetime with Campbell at every family get together? Every holiday? It sounded like pure torture. Would Grizz constantly be watching out for Elle? Or would there be new girls? Grizz couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t spend his life with Campbell there everywhere he turned.

 

After a while, the counsellor’s door opened. Elle came out, and Principal Harris motioned for Campbell to come inside, which he did, and Elle sat in his spot, not meeting Grizz’s eyes at all. He cared so deeply for her. They hadn’t even really been friends before he found out about Campbell, but they had become friends since then, good friends. Grizz saw her as a younger sister that he wanted to protect. He didn’t understand why she was doing this.

 

Campbell’s single visit with the counsellor and Principal was shorter than Elle’s and Grizz’s. When the door opened again, Mr. Quinn signalled for Elle and Grizz to come inside. The two did so, taking seats in front of the desk, Elle in the middle, and the boys to each side. Mr. Quinn and Principal Harris both stood at the other side of the desk, eyeing the three of them down.

 

“So, here’s the situation here we have here,” Mr. Quinn started, “Gareth, you believe that Campbell has been abusing Elle. But Campbell and Elle have denied these claims, quite passionately, I might add. Do you have anything to say to this?”

 

“Yeah, Campbell is a liar and Elle is too scared to tell the truth,” Grizz said. He knew Campbell would lie about it, but he hoped that Elle would accept the help that was being spoon fed to her.

 

“Your truth isn’t my truth. You have no idea what you’re talking about here,” Elle said.

 

Grizz turned to her, “just tell them, Elle. You can be finally free of him.”

 

“This is all so ridiculous,” Campbell scoffed, “I would never hurt Elle. I don’t know where you even came up with this. Why would she be with me if I hurt her? It’s insane.”

 

“He’s lying, okay? He’s a liar,” Grizz argued, feeling his frustration mount.

 

“Grizz, what are you doing? Campbell would never hurt me,” she said.

 

“Listen,” Grizz looked at her, “I know you’re scared of him. I get it, but you’re the only one that can walk away from him. You were doing so well.”

 

She looked back at him, her eyes showing nothing but confusion. And wow, Grizz didn’t realize she was such a good actress.

 

“Principal Harris, Mr. Quinn,” Campbell started, “the truth is, Grizz has been obsessed with Elle for months. I don’t know if he’s in love with her or something, but he’s got this delusion in his head that she is his.”

 

Grizz could almost laugh. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I’m literally gay and dating your brother.”

 

“Yeah, you are, which makes this all so much more twisted. I’ve dealt with you obsessing over mine and Elle’s relationship and just ignored it, but this is too much, Grizz. It’s getting way out of hand. I think you need help,” Campbell said.

 

“You are making this shit up!” Grizz stood, yelling at him before turning back to the adults, “he’s making this shit up.”

 

“This is not a yelling environment, Mr. Visser, please take a seat,” Principal Harris demanded.

 

Grizz huffed as he did as he was told and sat back down.

 

“Elle?” Mr. Quinn asked, “is there any truth to these claims?”

 

Elle was quiet for a moment. Her eyes landed on Grizz’s, and he silently pleaded with her to just tell the truth, but the moment he saw the flash of an apology in her eyes, he knew he had lost.

 

“Campbell is right. Grizz has always had a weird obsession with me and…with my relationship with Campbell. He’s making everything up to break us up,” Elle said.

 

Grizz was hurt. Really fucking hurt, because he fought so hard for Elle. He saved her fucking life, and for what? For her to just throw him under the bus and paint him as some kind of crazy person?

 

“I’m not the only one that knows the truth,” Grizz said to her. There was still Sam.

 

Campbell sat forward, his eyes glaring daggers at Grizz, “do you really want to pull other innocent people into this mess, Grizz? You wouldn’t want to get anyone else into any trouble, right?”

 

Before Campbell said that, Grizz was more than ready to ask them to get Sam down here, but he rethought that. Truth be told, Grizz was scared of Campbell and what he was capable of. He didn’t want to be, and he never really used to be, but the threat was clear in his voice and he didn’t want Sam to have any trouble with him. He wouldn’t put Sam in that position, not for a girl that would just deny the claims anyway.

 

“Mr. Visser?” Principal Harris asked.

 

Grizz’s eyes were still on Elle’s, and she was avoiding the gaze. He felt so stupid, so used, so betrayed, even. He was pissed, and in that moment, he decided there was nothing else he could possibly do to help her. He had reached his wits end.

 

“You’re on your own,” Grizz said to her in a low voice before looking back at the teachers, “I’m done here.”

 

“These are serious accusations you’ve made, but unless there was solid evidence or Miss Tomkins were to come forward, there will be no further investigation,” Principal Harris decided.

 

“Great,” Grizz said simply. He just wanted to leave.

 

“As it seems this entire story could be fictitious there will be consequences,” Principal Harris said.

 

“Is there really a need for that? I don’t want Grizz to get in trouble here. He’s just misguided. We can forget the whole thing, if Elle wants to, right?” Campbell said. Grizz didn’t know what he was playing at here. He didn’t want his help.

 

“I just want to forget this and for Grizz to stay away from me and Campbell,” Elle said. Grizz laughed, shaking his head. She was unbelievable.

 

Principal Harris and Mr. Quinn were quiet for a moment before Principal Harris spoke, “Mr. Visser, you will keep your distance. This is a warning and you are getting off lightly, given your upcoming graduation. Stay out of trouble. I don’t want to hear any more of this from any of you unless something actually does happen.”

 

Grizz rolled his eyes. Neither of them believed his story. That much was evident.

 

“Miss Tomkin’s, we will, of course, need to notify your parents and they can take the issue from here,” Mr. Quinn said.

 

“There is no issue, but sure,” Elle agreed.

 

“Alright, lunch bell is about to ring, so no point heading to class. Off you go,” Principal Harris said.

 

Grizz was out of his chair first, desperate to leave the entire situation behind him. He was done, more than done. He went out into the hall marching down it.

 

“Hey, Grizz!” Campbell called after him.

 

Grizz turned, seeing the triumphant smile on Campbell’s face. Elle stood next to him, arms crossed, not looking up, becoming a shadow of her former self. That wasn’t the Elle that Grizz had come to know over the past month.

 

“I win!” Campbell declared before he swung his arm around Elle’s shoulder and went off down the hall in the opposite direction.

 

\---

 

Grizz stood at his car that afternoon with his arms wrapped around Sam, and Sam’s around his neck. They spent their entire lunch break alone together in one of the empty classrooms as Grizz recounted the entire morning to him. Sam was just as furious towards Elle and Campbell as Grizz was. He also offered to go to the Principal and side with Grizz, but Grizz knew Elle and Campbell would just keep on denying it so there was no point.

 

At the end of the school day as they waited for their friends to join them, Grizz found himself getting all worked up again when he saw Campbell and Elle get into Campbell’s car. Sam, apparently the chiller of the two, tried to soothe him.

 

“It’s her problem. You can’t fix it if she doesn’t want it fixed. You tried your best,” Sam explained, and logically Grizz knew that was true, but he was having a hard time letting go.

 

“I’m so over it. I’m over them. I just want to focus on us,” Grizz said as he looked down at his boyfriend.

 

“Good. There’s no use worrying about something out of your control,” Sam said as he ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of Grizz’s neck.

 

Grizz sighed and nodded. He was right. It was out of his hands. He brought his hand up to Sam’s cheek, caressing his face lightly before leaning in for a kiss. He noticed Sam’s smile right before their lips touched. The boy really had a way of calming him down with the simplest of touches.

 

“I love you,” Sam murmured.

 

Grizz pulled back a little, letting go of Sam as he signed, ‘I love you more.’

 

“Yeah, probably,” Sam agreed with an innocent grin. Grizz shot him a playful glare. He was about to just kiss him again when they were interrupted by the others turning up. The only one missing was Elle, but the group had quickly caught on to her being back with Campbell, although none of them really knew just how bad that situation was.

 

“Sorry, we were all waiting for Becca,” Luke said.

 

“Uhm, no. I was waiting on Gwen,” Becca argued.

 

“The main thing is, we’re all here now, so let’s get this show on the road,” Gwen said.

 

“Okay, who’s going in which car?” Luke asked.

 

They were only taking two cars to Luke’s house. Knowing that some of them would probably end up drinking, it just made sense to only have two cars and two designated drivers, plus the group had gotten into the habit lately of car-pooling anyway, or most of them were close enough to walk to school so they didn’t bother driving in the first place. Obviously, Sam was going with Grizz, which meant Becca would go with them too, and since she and Gwen had been attached to the hip lately, the four of them stood by Grizz’s car. Luke, Helena, Jason and Erica were by Luke’s, and Clark stood in the middle, looking at his phone.

 

“Clark?” Luke asked.

 

“Hmm?” Clark looked up.

 

“Car, pick one,” Grizz said as he opened his own door.

 

Clark glanced to Jason and back to Grizz before he stepped closer to Gwen, picking the car. Grizz’s gaze flashed to Jason for a brief moment only to see him roll his eyes. Whatever the hell was going on there, Grizz really hoped their friendship hadn’t been ruined.

 

“Let’s roll,” Grizz said as he got into the car. He started it up as Sam got in the passenger side, and Becca, Gwen and Clark got in the back. Grizz looked in the rear-view mirror, studying the face of Clark who was directly behind him, his eyes down on his phone. Grizz was a bit concerned. Maybe he would have to have a talk to him later on.

 

“Seatbelts,” Grizz ordered them all, waiting for them all to click in before he backed out of the parking spot.

 

He turned on some music and headed out of the parking lot and in the direction of Luke’s house with Luke hot on their tail.

 

“Grizz, what the fuck is up with Elle being back with Campbell?” Gwen asked.

 

“Don’t even start. She’s lost her mind,” Grizz said. He knew in the morning he would have simmered down a bit and go back to feeling sorry for her and looking out for her, but on that day, he was just letting himself be pissed.

 

“It’s like we’re nothing to her now. You didn’t even see her at lunch but she just went right on back to sitting with him and his friends. She didn’t even look at us!” Gwen exclaimed.

 

“He’s so creepy too,” Becca added.

 

Grizz stopped at a red light and nodded as the two kept going on. At least he and Sam weren’t the only ones who saw it. The girls didn’t even know what had really went down and they knew something was off.

 

“Hey Clarky, who you texting?” Gwen changed the topic.

 

“No one,” Clark said quickly.

 

“Is it a _girl_?” Gwen teased.

 

“No.”

 

“Is it a boy?” Gwen joked.

 

“Fuck off,” he snapped at her, fighting to keep his phone away from her prying eyes.

 

Grizz just rolled his eyes at them as the light went green. He put his foot down on the gas, jolting the car forward into the intersection, and he should have looked first. He _always_ looked first, no matter if he had a green light or not. And it should have been safe. It was their turn to go. But they weren’t safe.

 

Grizz saw it before Becca screamed his name, but it was too late. The black pick-up truck collided into the driver’s side of Grizz's car with a glass-shattering crash. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn't be a 200k+ fanfic without a car crash, right?


	43. The end of the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 42 summary: Elle got back together with Campbell. Boo!! Grizz was not happy. He went to the principal and guidance counselor and told them about Campbell being abusive, but Elle denied it and she and Campbell made it out as though Grizz was crazy and no one believed him. The gang headed out to Luke's house and Grizz's car, with him, Clark, Sam, Gwen and Becca in it got hit by another car. 
> 
> WARNING: THERE ARE WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER AT THE END OF STORY NOTES!! I am going to start doing this as it has been brought to my attention that some people appreciate warnings. I have put them at the end to avoid spoilers for people that don't want warnings but this chapter could get a bit heavy for some people, so scroll down if you wish, or keep on reading!!

Grizz had blacked out. He knew that much, because one moment he was driving and the next his car was stationary, the sound of a horn blaring in the distance. No, that was Grizz’s car’s horn, and his head was on the steering wheel.

 

“Grizz!” the voice was muffled. He couldn’t tell if it was coming from inside the car or outside. All he knew was that he wanted to sleep. A feeling in the pit of his stomach didn’t let him though. He thought he was home in bed, that it was safe to sleep, but it wasn’t. Something was wrong.

 

The black pick-up truck. Becca’s scream. It rushed to the forefront of Grizz’s mind as he roused himself awake and sat back. The incessant beeping stopped. He glanced around, his vision blurry. His window had smashed in, and there was blood? Was it his blood? Grizz reached up to the wet patch on the side of his forehead. He looked at his hand, seeing his fingertips stained with the bright red fluid.

 

He wasn’t knocked out for long. Looking at the mirror outside his window, he saw Luke and the others running towards them. They were in an accident. Grizz had to tell himself that again.

 

“Sam?” Grizz asked. He turned, not seeing Sam in the passenger side, but he door wide open. He looked to the back, the girls were gone, and Clark? Clark was there still, his mouth moving, curse words flying from them.

 

“Clark,” Grizz choked out.

 

“I’m okay,” he said quickly. Grizz noticed the blood though, pouring from his arm. A shard of glass stuck out from his bicep.

 

“Don’t move,” Grizz told him.

 

“You don’t move,” Clark shot back. As Grizz got his bearings back, he realized he wasn’t actually that hurt. He could twist around enough to look at Clark and as he glanced down at himself, he didn’t see anything wrong. It was just his head that was throbbing and he couldn’t seem to see straight.

 

Grizz opened his car door, falling out onto the road. The car that hit them was nowhere in sight. Was it a hit and run? Did the fucking jackass not even stop to see if they were all okay?

 

“Grizz!” it was Sam’s voice.

 

There was so much shouting. So much, but he couldn’t distinguish any of his friend’s voices, only Sam’s. And then the boy was next to him, kneeling down on the ground. He looked up, squinting in the sunlight.

 

“Are you okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m fine,” Sam nodded.

 

“Gwen and Becca?” he asked.

 

“Everyone’s okay,” Sam said.

 

Grizz shook his head though, because they weren’t all okay. “Clark.”

 

Grizz held onto the side of the car as he dragged himself up off the ground because Clark wasn’t okay. Clark had been fucking stabbed with a piece of glass. Jason was already at Clark’s door, pulling it open and taking Clark’s face in his hands, making sure he was awake, and he well and truly was given the sounds he was making.

 

“Fuck, dude,” Jason said when his eyes landed on the glass.

 

“Take it out! Take it the fuck out!” Clark begged.

 

“Don’t!” Grizz shouted, “don’t touch it. Wait for an ambulance. Did we call…call an amb…ambulance?”

 

“Helena is,” Jason said, looking to him, “dude you don’t look so good.”

 

Grizz shook his head, because he didn’t feel good either. He stumbled away from them and dropped to his knees. He thought he was going to vomit, but he kept it in. He saw black dots and he would’ve just given in to sleep then and there if it wasn’t for the gentle touch on his back from Sam. He fought with himself to stay conscious. The nausea in the pit of his stomach rose and fell. All Grizz could do was slump against Sam and let the other boy hold him. Sam pushed Grizz’s hair from his face, cooling his cheeks with the palms of his always-cold hands.

 

“Don’t let him sleep,” he heard Luke’s voice, “ambulance is coming.”

 

Grizz rolled over in Sam’s arms, looking up. There was Luke, Helena, Gwen and Becca all looking down at him, concern written all over their faces.

 

“Don’t…don’t let those idiots pull that glass out,” Grizz said.

 

“Erica’s on it,” Gwen said as she knelt down, “how are you feeling?”

 

“I want to sleep,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“Don’t you dare,” Sam said. He looked to Sam’s eyes, seeing the desperation in them, before nodding.

 

“I’m okay,” Grizz told him, “I’m just dizzy.”

 

“You’re fucking lucky is what you are. That car slammed right into your side. The fucking asshole,” Gwen said.

 

“Where’d they go?” Grizz asked, voice barely audible.

 

“Fucker drove off,” Luke spat.

 

“I got the license plate number,” Helena added.

 

Grizz nodded, stopping when his head spun. He saw out of the corner of his eyes that they attracted a crowd. Of course they had. It was the middle of town and they were in the center of the busiest intersection.

 

“Don’t worry about that,” Sam told him.

 

Grizz looked to him, thanking God or whatever fucking greater power there was out there, that Sam wasn’t hurt, and that the others weren’t hurt, at least not too badly in Clark’s case.

 

“I’m sorry. I should’ve looked before driving,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s not your fault. They ran a red light,” Sam said.

 

He still should have noticed it before it was too late. He could have swerved out of the way or stopped before impact. People he loved and cared about were in that car. He could have killed them all.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked Sam again.

 

Sam smiled softly, “my heart is racing but I’m fine.”

 

“Promise?” Grizz asked.

 

“Promise.”

 

“Okay,” Grizz said before he closed his eyes. He just wanted to drift off. It would be so easy. Just a quick nap.

 

“We gotta get him up so he doesn’t fall asleep,” Luke said.

 

“I can hear sirens, they’ll be here in a minute,” Becca said.

 

Grizz’s eyes flickered open. Sam tapped his face lightly, making him look to him. Grizz kept his gaze on him, because that was the only thing strong enough to keep him awake. Plus, he didn’t want to stand up like Luke wanted.

 

“Do you think he has a concussion?” Gwen asked.

 

“He wasn’t out for long, right?” Luke asked as he knelt down, getting Sam’s attention, “how long was he out for?”

 

“Not long. Like, ten seconds,” Sam said.

 

“I’m fine,” Grizz assured them.

 

“My dad is in the ER today. I’ll call him and let him know what happened before you get there,” Luke said.

 

“I’m fine,” Grizz said again.

 

He wasn’t, not really. But with every second that he lay there, he felt just a little better. His vision wasn’t as blurred as it was when he was in the car, and he didn’t feel like throwing up as much as he originally had. In fact, he felt like maybe he could sit up.

 

“What are you doing?” Sam asked as Grizz pushed himself up. He didn’t answer him, he just sat there, looking around. His car was fucked. That much was obvious. The driver’s side door and the door behind it had been smashed in, the glass gone and shattered all over the road. His dad would be furious at him for that, even if it wasn’t his fault.   

 

Clark was still in the car with Jason standing with him, and Erica off to the side. So many people surrounded them, some on phones, some just watching. Grizz wondered where the other car went and if the driver or any passengers they had were hurt too.

 

“How are you feeling now?” Gwen asked.

 

“I’m alright,” Grizz said, “is Clark okay?”

 

“I’ll check,” Gwen said before she left, going over to the others.

 

Grizz looked to Sam, giving a soft smile just to comfort him. This day fucking sucked. First Elle and Campbell, and now this? What else could go wrong?

 

It wasn’t long at all until they were being swarmed by people. Two ambulances arrived, one pair of paramedics going to Clark and the other to Grizz. And then the police arrived, which was when Grizz’s friends were escorted away from him so they could give their version of what happened, but it was plain and simple; some fucking moron almost killed them.

 

The paramedics checked Grizz’s vitals, and the longer he lay there on the ground, the better he felt. The throbbing in his head was still there, but he didn’t so much feel like passing out. No matter his protests though, they still took both him and Clark into separate ambulances to the hospital. Grizz barely even got to speak to Sam or the others.

 

He was there for hours, talking to a few different doctors; one of them being Luke’s dad, Dr. Holbrook, who gave him five stitches in his head. One of the other doctors was a neurologist who insisted on Grizz having a CT scan, and Grizz was just thankful he was still part of his parent’s healthcare fund so he wouldn’t have to try and find thousands of dollars.

 

Four hours and a CT scan later and Grizz found himself in a hospital room by himself. Playing football meant Grizz was used to a lot of knocks to the head, and so far he had been pretty lucky. Physically, he felt pretty okay. Dr. Holbrook also assured Grizz that as long as the CT scan was clear, he could go home that night. He even got out of the stupid gown they gave him and back into normal clothes because he was so eager to go.

 

Grizz was sitting there scrolling through his phone when there was a knock on the door. He looked up, seeing Sam there. Grizz smiled wide as he waved him in. Sam didn’t look as happy to see him as Grizz was though. His eyes were filled with sadness.

 

“That was really fucking scary,” Sam said, his eyes watering.

 

“I’m okay, see? Look at me? Fit as a fiddle,” Grizz said as he swung his legs off the bed, sitting on the edge. He motioned for Sam to come to him, and he did so, practically falling into Grizz’s open arms. Grizz embraced his boyfriend, nuzzling his nose against his neck and breathing him in. Sam didn’t let go of Grizz for a little while, and it was just nice. It was comforting.

 

Sam pulled back eventually and kissed Grizz instead, melding their lips together in a needy kiss. Grizz was fine, in all honestly, just a massive headache that didn’t seem to be going away any time soon. But he didn’t want to question Sam for his reactions, because if it were the other way around and Sam had been hurt, Grizz would be a wreck.

 

“Where are the others?” Grizz asked when Sam had stopped kissing him. He stayed close, his arms around the back of Grizz’s neck.

 

“At Luke’s. Becca is downstairs waiting for me. The others wanted to be here, but it’s not visiting hours. Luke convinced his dad to let me sneak through,” Sam explained.

 

“Is Clark okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, he’s fine. He had to get, like, twelve stitches which he’s being a baby about, but he’s okay,” Sam said.

 

“And the others?”

 

“All fine,” Sam said.

 

“And you? I was worried about you,” Grizz said.

 

“You were worried about me? You’re the one with a scar on your head now,” Sam said as he lightly trailed his fingers along the dressing on the top left corner of his head.

 

“Scars are sexy, right?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam’s eyes were on his lips as he nodded, “I guess.”

 

“Do I look badass?” Grizz asked.

 

“You look like you were just in a car accident,” Sam said.

 

“So, I look badass then.” Grizz concluded.

 

Sam sighed, shaking his head, “what am I going to do with you?”

 

“Whatever you like,” Grizz said.

 

Sam grinned at him, the sadness in his eyes gone. He leant forward and kissed Grizz, peppering his lips with soft touches. He was so lucky to have someone like Sam to be there for him. It filled him with a warmth that had Grizz taking Sam’s face in his hands and kissing him a little harder. Sam smiled into the kiss as he leant in towards Grizz, almost pushing him back on the bed. Almost.

 

“Gareth…” the voice had Grizz’s blood running cold, but not as cold as it went when he pulled back and saw his mom standing at the doorway _with his dad._ There Grizz was with his boyfriend between his legs, having just kissed him. And they saw. They saw it all.

 

Grizz was frozen. His parents were frozen, his mom with a look of pure regret, and his dad with one of shock and anger. Grizz couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t do _anything_. The secret he had hidden for so long was exposed, just like that, in that one moment, and he couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

 

Sam stepped to the side when he noticed what Grizz was looking at; at _who_ he was looking at. His fucking dad. Grizz didn’t know what to do or say and apparently neither did anyone else because no one said a damn thing. Everyone just looked back and forth between the other, but mostly, everyone was watching Grizz’s dad and how his face twisted from shock into one of disgust.

 

“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Visser,” Dr. Holbrook spoke as he entered the room, “reception got a hold of you, I see.”

 

Luke’s dad had no idea what he had done. He had no idea that he flipped Grizz’s life upside down. There was a tiny part of Grizz that hoped he was wrong, that his dad would just get over it, maybe hate him for a little while, or not talk to him, but eventually get over it, but the way he was looking at him told him otherwise.

 

Fuck. _Fuck_. Grizz was on the cusp of a panic attack. He could feel it bubbling up within him and all he wanted to do was rewind the clock.

 

“Of course, we came as soon as we heard,” Grizz’s mom said. As if they even cared! Sure, maybe, just maybe his mom had her heart in the right place coming to the hospital, but his dad? Why was he there? He had never given a damn about Grizz before in his life. He didn’t even turn up when Grizz was eleven and broke his arm.

 

“You said there was something about insurance papers we had to sign?” his mom asked. And there it was. The only reason they were there.

 

“There are, but first I have Grizz’s scan results,” Dr. Holbrook said, waving around the piece of paper.

 

Grizz snapped out of his trance and looked to Sam, who was watching him right back. He loved Sam so much, but in that moment, he needed him gone.

 

“You should go,” he told Sam.

 

“No,” Sam said adamantly.

 

“Please,” Grizz mouthed, not voicing the word. Sam shook his head, taking his place next to Grizz on the bed. That was not fucking helping.

 

“I’m happy to say there is no sign of a bleed in your brain,” Dr. Holbrook, who still had no idea what he had just walked in on, went on, “and no fracture either. At this point we’ll allow you to go home but I need you to come back, or even just call me if you experience any vomiting or excessive dizziness…”

 

Grizz tuned out as his eyes connected with his dad’s. He was glaring at him, his chest rising and falling in the way it always did when he was about to yell at him and his mom about something, but with Dr. Holbrook there, he couldn’t. Instead, the anger was locked inside, bubbling up, and Grizz had never been more scared in his entire life.

 

“Let’s go get those insurance forms. I’ll need signatures from the both of you,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

His mom nodded and touched his dad’s shoulder to get his attention. The scowling man looked to her, broken from his stupor. The three of them left the room, leaving Grizz and Sam alone. The moment they did, Grizz let out a breath which quickly turned into hyperventilation that he was desperately trying to keep under control.

 

“Go home,” Grizz said as he turned to Sam.

 

“No,” Sam stood, shaking his head.

 

“Yes, go. You being here is making it worse,” Grizz said, knowing the words were harsh, but they were true.

 

“Grizz…”

 

“I’ll be fine. Please, just go, now,” Grizz said, trying to pull Sam to the door, but he wouldn’t budge.

 

“You’re scared,” Sam said, his eyes darting all over Grizz’s face, “what will he do?”

 

Taking a deep breath and trying to swallow the fear, Grizz shook his head, “nothing. He’ll just yell and shit. It’s what he does. He’ll get over it.”

 

“I don’t believe you. You’re scared,” Sam repeated.

 

“Can you please just leave?” Grizz asked desperately.

 

“No.”

 

“Fuck, Sam. I don’t fucking want you here!” Grizz whisper-yelled.

 

Sam frowned, but didn’t say a thing, and Grizz was freaking the fuck out. He was trying so hard to get air in his lungs and he just couldn’t deal with Sam being there _and_ his dad. He couldn’t do it.

 

“Come home with me,” Sam said, “or we can go to Luke’s.”

 

Maybe he was right. Maybe he could avoid the whole thing with his dad. He could get ahead of it all and leave before he was thrown out, but maybe there was also a part of him that hoped his dad wouldn’t stoop that low, that there was a part of him that cared about Grizz just enough to not kick him out of home.

 

“Go home,” Grizz said again.

 

“No.”

 

“Get the fuck out of here, Sam. Now,” Grizz ordered.

 

“Don’t talk to me like that,” Sam said.

 

‘Get the fuck out,’ Grizz signed wildly

 

Sam shook his head, holding his ground.

 

“What are you gonna do, Sam? You gonna come home with us? Gonna have a nice little chat to my dad about how gay is okay? Huh? What the fuck do you think you’re going to do by being here?” Grizz asked, stepping close to Sam, and he hated how awful he was being. He knew how he must have looked to Sam, but honestly, he needed Sam removed from the situation and if being an asshole would do that, then fine.

 

“I’m here for you,” Sam said.

 

“Well don’t be. I don’t need you,” Grizz said. Lie. Big lie. He needed Sam more than he needed air.

 

Sam looked a bit taken aback by the comment. He frowned, taking a step back from Grizz.

 

“You don’t have to be a dick,” Sam said.

 

“And you don’t have to be so fucking clingy. I can take care of myself,” Grizz snapped, and with that, he walked past Sam and into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He went to the mirror, looking at himself and only seeing a blur, as if he were in a dream, or maybe he just desperately wanted it to be a dream.

 

He ran his fingers through his hair and leant against the door, sliding down it. He closed his eyes and counted to ten in his head, but it didn’t work. He couldn’t calm down. He just wanted to shut it all off. He wanted to not care. How was it that he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of him, but when it was his dad, it was like it was the end of the world.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Grizz chanted to himself. His entire body was shaking. His skin prickled hot and he felt as though he as about to pass out, or throw up, or both.

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and it kept going and going until Grizz took it from his pocket, seeing Luke’s name on the screen. He declined the call. He didn’t know if he could even talk. He was on the brink of tears but he was too afraid to even do that. His phone rang again, this time Gwen’s name popping up on the screen, so he turned the phone off and shoved it in his pocket.

 

He sat there, head in his hands, for what felt like the longest time as he waited for the panic to subside and his breathing to go back to normal. He felt numb all over. He hadn’t quite felt that way since Gwen first saw him and Sam in the library. Only, when it was over, he didn’t have a friend there ready to comfort him. All he had was impending doom.

 

“Oh, where’s Grizz?” Dr. Holbrook’s voice came from other side of the door.

 

“Bathroom,” Sam answered. And fuck, he was still there.

 

“Alright, well, visiting hours are long over and it’s going to take a little while to discharge Grizz, so I’m going to need you to head off,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

“I’ll just wait for Grizz to come out,” Sam said.

 

Grizz gripped his hair in his fingers. He didn’t want to go out there. He really didn’t, even if his panic attack was over for the most part, he still didn’t want to go out there.

 

“Gareth?” he heard his mom’s voice, followed by a knock on the door.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz choked out, “coming.”

 

Grizz stood and once again looked at himself in the mirror, his vision no longer blurred. Instead he saw a stranger; someone who was weak. Someone who spoke to his boyfriend like shit.

 

“Pull it together,” he whispered to himself. What he had feared for so long had arrived, and now he had to deal with the consequences. Taking another deep breath, Grizz turned and opened the door.

 

In the room once more were his parents, Dr. Holbrook and Sam. He didn’t look to Sam., He kept his gaze on the ground, not wanting to interact with the boy because he didn’t want to provoke his dad.

 

“I’ll see you at school, Sam,” he said.

 

Sam stepped towards him and Grizz took a step back, running into the door. He glanced up at his boyfriend, if he even was his boyfriend anymore after how he just spoke to him, and gave him a quick shake of his head.

 

“Yeah. School. See you,” Sam said.

 

With that, he finally left. Grizz sat on the bed, trying to stop his head from spinning. He was in so much fucking trouble.

 

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Holbrook asked.

 

“Fine,” Grizz said simply.

 

“I’m just going to do a few more tests, blood pressure, temperature, a quick memory test and then we’ll have you on your way,” he explained.

 

Grizz nodded, keeping his eyes on the ground. He could feel his parents watching him. He could sense they had a lot to say. Dr. Holbrook was the only barrier. Grizz sat there in silence as Dr. Holbrook went about checking Grizz over one last time, and when he was done, he handed Grizz some forms.

 

“Just sign these discharge papers and you’re fine to go,” Dr. Holbrook said. Grizz took a pen from him and signed on the dotted line.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz said.

 

“My pleasure. Don’t go getting yourself into any accidents like that again. I’ll tell you what, it scared the daylights out of me when Luke called saying there was an accident. Two seconds later and it could have been him in hospital,” Dr. Holbrook said before turning to Grizz’s parents, “you should count yourselves very lucky this didn’t turn out worse than it could have been.”

 

“Oh, I know. We’re very lucky,” his mom said. Grizz looked to her, eyes pleading, but she masked whatever she was feeling with the façade she had perfected over the years.

 

“I’ll leave you to it. Grizz, you have my number if you need anything,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said politely.

 

Dr. Holbrook gave them all one last smile before he left the room, and then it was just him and his parents. He stared at both of them, waiting for one to make a move or say something. His dad was quiet, dead silent, his expression stony.

 

“Let’s go,” his mom spoke.

 

Grizz did as he was told. He stood as his parents turned around, and he followed them from the room, down the hospital corridor. With each step he took, he wanted to take twenty steps back. He didn’t know what made him go with them. Perhaps it was the sheer curiosity of what his dad was going to say to him, but as they got to the parking lot outside, covered in the darkness of night, Grizz once again felt that bolt of fear run through him.

 

He stopped in his tracks as they got to the car. “I was thinking about just walking to Luke’s,” Grizz told them.

 

His dad spun around and marched over to him. Instinctively Grizz took a few steps back, running into another car. His dad curled his hand around the back of Grizz’s neck, digging his fingers in roughly as he pushed Grizz towards the car.

 

“Get in,” his dad ordered as he shoved him towards the door. His dad opened the door and as if Grizz were a criminal under arrest, forced him into the back seat, slamming the door shut after him.

 

He watched his mom get in the car, followed by his dad, and before he could register that he was fucking screwed, his dad started driving. Grizz sat in the back seat, looking back and forth between the two of them, waiting for someone to say something, but neither did. The entire ride home was silent.

 

Grizz was ready, he thought. He was ready for his dad to just yell abuse at him. He was ready to be called a thousand dirty names. He was ready to be kicked out of home. But still, he prayed that maybe that didn’t have to happen. Maybe he could convince his dad was being gay was fine. Maybe his dad would surprise him.

 

Maybe, but probably not.

 

As they drove up to their house, Grizz was ready to make a run for it. He was so torn between facing his dad and running from him, but the urge to run got stronger and stronger. The second they were in the driveway and the car stopped, Grizz tried to yank the door open, but it was locked. He tried again and again but the fucking thing wouldn’t budge. He looked to his mom, quietly pleading with her, but she didn’t look back at him.

 

The moment his dad unlocked the car, Grizz was out of there, stumbling from the backseat. His dad had been quick though. He was already out before Grizz could even get back on his feet. He gripped onto Grizz’s long hair and pulled him up. Grizz hissed in pain as he was manhandled, being forced towards the house.

 

“Let me go, I just want to go, please,” Grizz begged, but his dad wouldn’t listen. This was turning out worse than Grizz ever thought it could.

 

There was nothing Grizz could do except go with him, wincing in agony as he tore at his hair. Getting to the front door, he shoved Grizz against it with a thud. Grizz was in shock. He knew what his father was capable of, but for some reason he didn’t think it would actually happen. He never thought he would get physical with him.

 

“Please, can we just talk about this?” his mom asked in a small voice behind them.

 

“Talk?” his dad scoffed as he struggled with unlocking the door, “there’s no amount of talking that can fix this.”

 

“I’m sorry,” was Grizz’s immediate response, even though he wasn’t sorry at all.

 

His dad unlocked the door, swinging it open with a bang against the wall. He threw Grizz past the threshold with so much force he fell to the ground, landing hard on his wrist.

 

“You disgusting piece of shit! What the fuck was that?!” his dad screamed.

 

Grizz scrambled up from the floor, turning to face the furious man who marched right over to him. Grizz backed up, scared for his life. He was stupid to think they could talk this out. He was stupid to even _hope_ that he could sway his dad. He was stupid to think his dad wouldn’t lay his hands on him. Every bit of hope and wishful thinking vanished when his dad wildly swung his arm towards him, backhanding him across the face.

 

Grizz fell against the wall as the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. He breathed in and out shakily, too stunned to move or speak.

 

“Stop!” his mom begged, “he has a concussion!”

 

“He has a fucking brain injury alright. He’d have to to be a fucking faggot!” his dad spat.

 

“I’m sorry…” Grizz breathed out, “I’m sorry.” Blood drooled from his mouth, dripping onto his shirt. Years and years of being so terrified of his dad, of how he looked at him, how he yelled at him, how he’d smash plates, get in his and his mom’s face, treat them like shit, every little thing played through Grizz’s mind and before he knew it, it was as if he as a child again and he could do nothing except take the punishment his dad dealt him.

 

“How long, huh? How long has this shit been going on for?” his dad asked.

 

Grizz was scared to answer. He was scared of telling the truth and of lying. He was too scared to even move. His dad stormed over to him and grabbed him by the shirt. He shoved him against the wall. The alcohol on his breath filled Grizz’s senses. Of course.

 

“How long have you been a fucking faggot?!” he shouted in his face, spraying saliva over his cheeks. Grizz flinched, turning his head to the side.

 

“Answer me!” his dad screamed when he didn’t say a thing.

 

“Always,” Grizz whimpered, “fucking always, and I’m sorry you don’t like it but it’s true.”

 

“And you’ve been doing this out in public? Right where Dr. Holbrook could see?” he asked. His fingers circled around Grizz’s throat, squeezing so tight that Grizz could barely breathe.

 

“N-nobody cares. Nobody has a p-problem. It’s normal now,” Grizz struggled. His fight had well and truly diminished and all he wanted was to leave and never go back.

 

“It’s not normal!” his dad yelled as he pulled Grizz towards him and slammed him back against the wall, “it’s disgusting! It’s fucking embarrassing! Do you have any idea what it was like for me to walk into that room and see you with another boy and have no idea about it? Do you want me to look like a fucking moron?!”

 

Grizz looked to his mom, his eyes pleading with her once more to just _do something_ , because Grizz couldn’t. He couldn’t stand up to him and he needed his mom. He had never felt so small and useless.

 

His dad easily tossed him to the ground in his fury, and that was when the kicking started. All Grizz could do was cover his face and head as his dad landed blow after blow to his body. Pain shot through him with every hit, but all he could focus on were the words being thrown his way.

 

“Faggot!”

 

“Fucking fruity queer!”

 

“You’re a fucking girl!”

 

“A pussy!”

 

“Piece of shit!”

 

“I bet you like it up the ass, don’t you? You filthy homo!”

 

“You’re a freak!”

 

“You are not my son anymore!”

 

“Don’t you fucking cry like some sissy! If you’re going to be like this then you can expect this!”

 

In that moment, Grizz wanted to die. He had never felt so worthless and detested in his entire lie. The one man that was supposed to care for him and have his back no matter what was shouting so many profanities, blinded by his pure rage, and Grizz didn’t understand. He didn’t know why he wasn’t good enough and how his dad couldn’t love him unconditionally like he saw other kid’s dads do. He didn’t know why his mom stood in the corner, not doing anything. Wasn’t Grizz worth it?

 

“You maxed out our fucking insurance!” his dad went on, landing a solid kick to Grizz’s ribs that had him crying out, a sob escaping his lips. “You totaled your fucking car! Probably driving around that revolting faggot you were with!”

 

“Don’t!” Grizz barked. He blocked the kick coming his way, shoving the leg so hard his dad almost fell. “Don’t you talk about him! He’s more of a man you’ll ever be!”

 

“Get up!” his dad seethed through gritted teeth as he once again latched onto Grizz’s hair and dragged him off the floor. Grizz could do nothing except go with his movements once more. He grunted, clutching his stomach, feeling as though he was going to fall apart at any moment.

 

“You’re done,” his dad snapped as he yanked him towards the door. Grizz caught a glimpse of his mother’s tear-stricken face and he actually felt _sorry_ for her, because yeah, Grizz had been the one to get beaten to a pulp, but he was also the one about to be free.

 

Not another word was said before his dad flung the door open and pushed Grizz out. He landed on the front lawn as the door slammed shut. And then he was alone, laying there on the damp grass, in a whole world of pain.

 

His stomach throbbed. His sides ached. His back felt like it would snap the moment he moved. He stayed in the fetal position on the ground in front of the house for, well, he didn’t even know how long. He just stayed there, too afraid to move.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WARNINGS: the aftermath of the crash including injuries. Violence! Bad violence! Many homophobic/derogatory comments. And a panic attack.


	44. Are you okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 43 recap: the aftermath of the crash ended up with Grizz in hospital, but he is okay and so are the others. Only Grizz's parents turned up and saw Grizz kissing Sam. Drama. Grizz panicked and got mad at Sam because he wouln't leave him alone and snapped at him. Grizz's dad is the devil. When they got home he beat Grizz up pretty bad and threw him outside. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter (not really spoilery so I'm putting it here): the aftermath of Grizz being beaten and the dark thoughts he is having about himself. Could be sad?? Probably.

Grizz had never been a violent person, and maybe that was his downfall. Mindless violence didn’t make any sense to him. It didn’t solve problems. Physically hurting another human being was, in Grizz’s eyes, barbaric, but he wondered what would have happened if he had fought back? Would he have gotten out of there unscathed? Or would it have made his father’s blind rage even worse to the point where he could have killed him? As Grizz lay there on the ground, he wished that he _had_ killed him.

 

Curled in a ball, he awaited the pain to subside. The mere thought of uncurling his body had him quivering, knowing that the stretch would make every muscle that had been battered feel that much worse. Part of him didn’t even want to get up. He had no fight in him. He might even stay there until dawn. What did push him to want to get out of there was the fear that his dad would come back out for more.

 

He needed help. Even if he did manage to get up, the walk to Luke’s, or even Sam’s, was one he wasn’t sure he could make in the condition he was in. He reached into his back pocket, only to find that his phone wasn’t there anymore. It must have fallen out while his dad was kicking the shit out of him.

 

He lay there, defeated, breathing heavily as if his lungs would stop working if he didn’t focus on their movements. He wasn’t sure just how long he stayed there for, but it was long enough for him to notice all the lights in the house turn off, and he thought he was well and truly alone. That was until the front door opened.

 

Grizz was sure his dad had noticed him through the window and was coming back for more. Maybe he would get so angry he’d kill him. Maybe he would drag him from the property. Maybe he had gotten even more drunk and just wanted to go to town on him once more. Grizz was wrong, and he knew it the moment he felt the caress of a soft hand on his face.

 

“I’m sorry,” his mom whispered shakily. Grizz looked up at her silhouette and although he couldn’t see her properly, he knew she was crying.

 

“You gotta get out of there,” he told her. It wasn’t safe.

 

“I texted Luke from your phone,” she said as she placed the phone in Grizz’s hand.

 

Grizz went on, “it’ll be you next. You gotta go.”

 

She ignored him, “Luke’s coming for you. I’m sorry.”

 

With that, she left him there, going back inside with a soft click of the door closing shut. Grizz looked at his phone, going to his messages, and sure enough there was a text there sent to Luke, telling him there was a fight and begging him to come get Grizz, and a speedy response from Luke saying he was on his way. Grizz didn’t want his friends involved. He didn’t want to be a burden. There was a reason he never went into full detail with Luke, or anyone for that matter, about what it was like at home.

 

Grizz slid the phone into his pocket. He needed to try and get up because he didn’t want Luke seeing him like that. The second he put pressure on his wrist as he attempted to push himself up, he cried out in pain. He rolled onto his back, cradling his wrist. He was sure it wasn’t broken, because he had broken his arm before and knew the pain that came with it, and that wasn’t even close.

 

Grizz stayed there, staring at the stars, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. Empty and lost. Those were the two words that could best describe how Grizz was feeling. What was he going to do now? He was out of place, unsure of where he belonged in the world now. He didn’t have a family. He had no one who would unconditionally love him, not that his parents ever did in the first place.

 

The moment Grizz began to think that he was all alone, he saw the shining headlights as a car pulled up on the curb, and a moment later Luke and Jason were rushing over to him. Fuck, he wanted to at least be off the ground.

 

“Grizz!” Luke said in a whisper, “what the fuck did he do to you?”

 

His friends knelt on the ground next to him, neither touching him, and Grizz knew it looked bad; him rolling around on the ground outside of his house in pain.

 

“He found out about me and Sam,” Grizz answered.

 

“Yeah, Sam texted me. I didn’t think he’d do _this._ I should’ve come sooner,” Luke scolded himself.

 

Grizz shook his head, “I’m okay. I just need help getting up.”

 

“You’re not okay, Grizz. You’re fucking bleeding,” Luke said. He was right. Grizz could feel the wetness on his forehead and taste the blood on his lips as it dribbled from his mouth.

 

“Fuck this,” Jason spat, “I’m gonna fuck this fucker up.”

 

“No!” Luke whispered harshly, “we basically had to lock Clark in the house because he was going off about wanting to kill him. I brought you because you said you were chill.”

 

“Yeah, I was, and then I saw this,” Jason gestured to Grizz who was still on the ground, “so maybe we should go in there and kill him.”

 

“And then what? You get arrested? Sure, good thinking,” Luke said.

 

“Can we just get out of here?” Grizz asked.

 

The two looked to Grizz, forgetting their argument. Obeying what Grizz wanted, Jason and Luke both took a bicep each and easily lifted Grizz to his feet. Grizz gritted his teeth, holding back a groan. All the air in his lungs left as every muscle in his stomach and back contracted. He leant against Jason, wanting to double over and fall back to the ground.

 

“Let’s get him in the car,” Luke said.

 

Jason nodded as he took on most of Grizz’s weight. They went to Luke’s car, Luke getting in the driver’s side, and Jason and Grizz both getting in the back. Jason helped Grizz buckle up even though he could have done it himself. He looked up at the house he had grown up in; the house that was never a home and as upset as he was, he was relieved to be leaving that place.

 

“What did he do to you, dude? Where are you hurt? Broken bones?” Jason asked.

 

“He just hit and kicked me a lot. My wrist…I don’t know. It was okay until I tried to get up,” Grizz said.

 

“Might be a sprain. We’re going to the hospital,” Luke decided.

 

“No, I’m okay,” Grizz insisted.

 

“Fuck off,” Luke snapped.

 

“My parents will be called again for insurance. Just forget it. I’m fine,” Grizz argued.

 

“You need those stitches re-done. My dad will do it. It’s fine,” Luke said.

 

Grizz didn’t want to go back to the hospital, but he didn’t argue it any further. Luke was right, the stitches had busted open. He could feel the blood trickling down his face. He probably looked like a mess, and he dreaded to think what Dr. Holbrook was going to say to him when he saw him.

 

None of them said a thing as they drove to the hospital. Grizz was focusing on keeping his body as still as possible. When they got there, Luke and Jason helped Grizz out. Moving hurt, but as he walked across the parking lot and his muscles warmed up, he found it a little easier. He only used Jason as a crutch just incase his body decided it had enough.

 

Luke’s dad was waiting for them as they got to the doors of the emergency room. Luke had called him in the car and gave him a quick rundown of what happened. Grizz wanted to tell him off for telling him that it was his dad that hurt him, but he didn’t have the energy for an argument.

 

“This way,” Dr. Holbrook said with a much more serious look on his face than what Grizz had seen all afternoon. Dr. Holbrook was usually a cheery man, at least he had been every time he stayed at Luke’s house over the years. He wondered what he was going to do.

 

The three boys were ushered into an empty treatment room. Jason helped Grizz up onto the bed, Grizz sighing in relief as he relaxed his muscles for a moment. Dr. Holbrook got to work, checking Grizz over. He shone a small torch in his eyes, making Grizz squint and want to look away. Dr. Holbrook had a plethora of questions for him too, which Grizz answered as if he were on auto-pilot.

 

“Did he hit your head?” Dr. Holbrook asked.

 

“No, just my face.”

 

“Did you black out?”

 

“No.”

 

“Any dizziness?”

 

“No.”

 

“Headache?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Vomiting?”

 

“No.”

 

“The urge to?”

 

“No.”

 

“Pain scale of one to ten?”

 

“Eight.”

 

“Can you rotate your wrist for me?”

 

Grizz did.

 

“Pain?”

 

“A little.”

 

“Your dad did all this?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’m gay.”

 

“Would you like us to contact the police?”

 

“No.”

 

The back and forth was interrupted with an enraged Luke, “No? Grizz, you can’t let him get away with this.”

 

“I don’t want anything to do with him anymore,” Grizz said, his words holding no emotion, “I never want to see him again. It’s over.”

 

“Dad!” Luke exclaimed, turning to his father.

 

“He’s eighteen. I can’t make him do anything,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

That was that. Grizz checked out, his mind closing down. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He sat there like a zombie as Luke’s dad got to work with fixing Grizz up. He numbed his head before stitching it up again. Good as new, right?

 

“It’s a waterproof bandage, so you can go back to our home and shower, clean yourself up. It looks to me like your wrist is only sprained so here’s a bandage. You can wrap it up after you shower. If the pain gets worse or no better we’ll consider an x-ray,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

“Thank you. I don’t want to be a burden,” Grizz murmured, “I’ll get a job and try to find my own place.”

 

“Nonsense, Grizz. You’ll be off to college in a few months and until then, and even after then, our home is your home,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

He appreciated the sentiment, he really did. He never wanted to impose on them though, even though he knew the offer was genuine. He never wanted to put anyone in that position. He didn’t argue, because Dr. Holbrook was right. He would be going to college soon. By the time he got a job and saved up enough money to rent a place, he’d be leaving.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz settled on saying.

 

“Don’t mention it. And besides, you’ve always been my favorite one of Luke’s friends,” Dr. Holbrook said with a grin.

 

“Hey!” Jason protested.

 

Dr. Holbrook gave a little laugh and Grizz tried to return it with a smile, but it almost pained him to do so. It was like every muscle in his face was weighing him down. Dr. Holbrook flipped open his prescription pad and scribbled something down before tearing off the sheet and handing it to Grizz.

 

“Have you ever been allergic to any medications?” Dr. Holbrook asked, and when Grizz shook his head, he went on, “stop by the pharmacy on your way out to get these pain killers. They’re strong and will help you sleep. Only take one every six hours and don’t drive while you’re on them.”

 

“Thanks,” Grizz said. He didn’t think he would be driving for a long time anyway.

 

Dr. Holbrook turned to his son, “take him home. Straight to bed.”

 

“Will do,” Luke nodded.

 

Dr. Holbrook turned back to Grizz, placing a hand on his shoulder, “are you going to be okay, Grizz?”

 

“Yeah,” Grizz answered automatically.

 

“Alright, call me if you need anything, but I’ll be home in a few hours,” he said.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said again as he slid off the bed. Jason went to help him, but Grizz waved him off. He was sure he could walk on his own, and if he couldn’t then he would ask for help.

 

The three boys left the treatment room, walking at a slow pace for Grizz’s sake. They stopped by the pharmacy and picked up Grizz’s prescription and he was quick to take one of the pills so it could kick in sooner. He wanted to take another, but he heeded Dr. Holbrook’s warning to only have one. When they got back in Luke’s car and were on the road again, Luke was quick to pounce back on topic.

 

“You gotta go to the police, dude,” Luke said.

 

“Luke,” Grizz snapped, “just stop.”

 

“What about your mom still with him?” Luke asked.

 

Grizz ignored him. He didn’t want to think about his mom. He didn’t want to think about anything.  He stared out the window, his mind and body both equally exhausted. He was ready to shut down. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He didn’t want to be around anyone. He needed to be alone.

 

As they got to Luke’s house, Grizz opened his car door and slid out. Jason and Luke were both quick to try and help him, but once again he waved them off.

 

“Are you okay?” Jason asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz answered flippantly.

 

“Just warning you, Clark, Gwen and Helena are still here,” Luke said.

 

Grizz merely nodded and pushed the car door shut. He clutched at his stomach as they made their way up to Luke’s house. The moment they went inside, the others were right there, obviously having been waiting for them.

 

“Grizz!” Gwen practically shouted as she, Helena and Clark all rushed over to the front door.

 

“Holy shit, your face. Was that from the crash, or?” Gwen asked.

 

“Did your dad actually do something to you, because I swear to fucking God I will go over there and fucking kill him. I will,” Clark seethed.

 

“No one is killing anyone. It’s over,” Luke said definitively.

 

“What the hell happened?” Gwen asked.

 

Everyone’s eyes were on him, all filled with such concern. Grizz closed his, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want to recount the story. He didn’t want to remember the enraged look on his dad’s face as he struck him down and shouted profanities. He just wanted to _sleep_.

 

“Are you okay?” Helena asked in a soft voice.

 

Grizz opened his eyes, “yeah.” He turned to Luke, “I just want to sleep.”

 

Luke nodded, “sure, come on.”

 

Luke gestured for him to follow, and Grizz barely thought about the fact that he probably seemed really rude to the others just leaving them and all of their questions hanging in the air. He couldn’t deal with them all. He knew they cared, but at the same time it all felt like gossip, and he just wanted to be left alone.

 

Luke took him to one of the guest bedrooms; one of the good ones, Grizz noted. Luke’s parents were loaded and their house was massive, so logically he knew that it would be easy for them to have Grizz live there. It still didn’t make Grizz feel anything less of a burden.

 

“You know where the shower is,” Luke nodded to the door in the corner of the room where the on-suite was. “I’ll get you a change of clothes and leave it on your bed. Tomorrow me and the boys will go get your things.”

 

Grizz just nodded, not paying much attention. Luke placed his hand on Grizz’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze that Grizz was sure was supposed to be comforting, but he didn’t feel a thing.

 

“Are you okay?” Luke asked, his eyes boring into Grizz’s, and Grizz didn’t want to lie to Luke, so he didn’t answer.

 

“I’m gonna shower,” Grizz said. He didn’t wait for Luke to leave or to say anything, he just crossed the room and went into the bathroom, shutting the door. He took his phone, bandage and medication all out of his pockets and placed them on the vanity.

 

Being in the bathroom, by himself, was deafening. It was so quiet, and in a way it sobered him up. It left his mind free to roam. It had Grizz pausing as he looked at himself in the mirror. There was a bruise on his cheek and small cut on his lip. There was dried blood that had run from his forehead, down his cheek to his chin and dripped onto his neck. Dr. Holbrook had only partly cleaned it up.

 

He took his shirt off and cast his eyes upon the deep red marks covering his body. They would be purple by morning and far more painful than they were that night. Grizz tilted his head to the side as he took in the damage, and he must have still been in shock because he found it more curious than anything else.

 

He poked at one of the forming bruises and winced as a jolt of pain radiated through him. This happened because he was gay. Because his dad would rather hurt him than talk to him or even try to accept him. His dad could have just ignored him or told him to get out, but he was so disgusted by him that he wanted to inflict as much pain as he could.

 

Grizz tore his eyes away from his reflection and quickly got completely undressed before he opened the glass shower door. He turned the water on and barely waited for it to turn warm before he stepped under the showerhead. As the water heated, it was like heaven on his skin, but even that wasn’t enough to snap him out of his stupor. He stood still in the middle of the shower, the water cascading over his head as he breathed in and out heavily.

 

He closed his eyes. The moment he did, he saw the fiery look in his dad’s eyes. He saw the fury. He saw the hatred. It was almost murderous, and looking back, Grizz was sure that his dad was going to kill him. He was sure that the kicking wouldn’t stop until his heart stopped beating. The thought made Grizz’s anxiety levels spike as his mind went hazy, his body feeling light.

 

He leant against the wall, and unable to keep himself up, he slid down to the ground. He huddled into the corner, knees to chest. He rested his head against the cold tile wall in a futile attempt at cooling the panic bubbling up in him.

 

Everything hit him all at once. He could never go back to the house he grew up in. He would probably never speak to either of his parents ever again. He was essentially homeless, despite the Holbrook’s generosity. The most overwhelming thing he felt though? Guilt. He felt as though he had done something wrong, like he was _wrong_ for being gay and having a boyfriend; that what happened was all his fault.

 

All the things his dad had called him ran through his head; the dirtiness of the words, the malice and pure hatred in his voice. He remembered the fear that ran through him when each kick was that little bit harder, and each time it was like his father wanted him dead for being who he was and loving who he did.

 

Grizz wondered what his life would be like if he were straight and dating a girl. Would he and his father be closer? Was it Grizz’s fault that they weren’t close in the first place? Grizz had always kept his distance because he knew he was gay and knew what his dad thought about that. If Grizz hadn’t kept his distance and formed a bond with him then maybe he wouldn’t hate him so much. Maybe Grizz had made it harder on himself from the get-go.

 

Grizz couldn’t push back the fear that was running through his veins. He was terrified because if his own dad, his own _family_ could turn on him then who else could? He couldn’t go through that again. He couldn’t be curled up on the ground and beaten up on for who he was. It hurt, in more ways than one. It just really fucking hurt.

 

The thoughts going through Grizz’s mind were too much and he soon found himself checking out again. He wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the shower door for, well, he didn’t know how long. It was long enough for the water to run cold, but he didn’t care. He wanted to stay there in the corner of that room where he was alone and no one could get to him. At least, that was the fantasy he had, and maybe that would have been reality if he had locked the door.

 

He vaguely remembered hearing a knock on the door, followed by a voice that he couldn’t quite make out over the sound of the shower. He didn’t move. He just wanted to be left alone. He didn’t even look up. He curled up so small that he was sure no one would be able to see him, but they did.

 

The water turned off and he was plunged into silence. He looked up, wondering who disrupted him and his thoughts, and he saw Sam, looking down at him with concern. He got to his knees beside Grizz; Grizz’s eyes following the movement, his heart racing as the emotions were about to erupt out of him.

 

“Grizz?” Sam asked softly, “are you okay?”

 

For a moment, Grizz just looked at him, the question running through his head. And no, he really fucking wasn’t okay. Tears fell from his eyes as he shook his head. Sam sat against the wall, pulling Grizz to him as he broke down, sobbing, body shaking as he clung to Sam’s legs. Sam held him to his chest, running his fingers through his hair.

 

For once, Sam felt warm; the warmest he had ever been. More than anything though, Sam felt like home, but that wasn’t quite enough to stop Grizz’s crying. He was just so exhausted and so much had happened that day that he couldn’t keep it all in anymore.

 

Sam cradled Grizz in his arms for the longest time; until Grizz couldn’t possibly cry and longer. He wondered why he didn’t just cry before as he sat there on the shower floor, but it was better with Sam. It felt right with Sam, not that he wanted Sam to witness him crying, but Grizz felt safe enough with him, and not safe at all by himself. He needed Sam in that moment so he didn’t lose himself completely.

 

“You’re shivering,” Sam said after a while. His hand ran up and down Grizz’s arms, providing some warmth, but he was right; Grizz was freezing.

 

With Sam’s guidance, Grizz sat up, looking at him. “Are you really here or am I seeing things?”

 

“I’m here,” Sam said with a nod.

 

“Really? Because I hit my head really hard and Luke’s dad gave me some heavy painkillers. You could be an angel,” Grizz said.

 

“Luke texted me and I came straight over. I’m definitely here,” Sam said. Grizz was lucky.

 

“I don’t deserve you,” Grizz said, feeling ashamed of the way he treated Sam at the hospital.

 

“Stop it.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop,” Sam said again. He shuffled around and got to his knees. He held his hands out for Grizz to take, which he did. Sam helped him up from the floor, and Grizz was sure he had never looked more pathetic in his entire life, sitting on the bathroom floor in tears.

 

“You okay?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded. Sam led him out of the shower and Grizz stood there like a child as Sam got a towel and dried him off. He took Grizz’s hand and took him back out to the bedroom where there were some clothes, just like Luke had promised. Grizz decided to forego the shirt and just pulled on the sweats, biting the inside of his cheek to not show any signs of pain on his face. He didn’t want Sam to worry more than he probably already was.

 

“Do you want me to stay?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz turned to him, studying his face, trying to get a read on him. He didn’t look mad. He looked like he cared, which Grizz was sure he did, but he didn’t know why.

 

“Aren’t you mad at me?” Grizz asked.

 

“No. We can talk in the morning. You look like you’re about to pass out,” Sam said.

 

He was right, Grizz did feel as though he was about to pass out. He knew he had to offer a million more apologies to Sam, and Sam probably wanted the story of what happened, but Grizz wasn’t too sure he could handle any more talk at that point.

 

Grizz got into bed, shuffling under the covers. He watched his boyfriend as he undressed down to his boxers and shirt before he turned the light off, darkness setting around them. The bed shifted as Sam climbed in and found his way over to Grizz. Grizz didn’t care how much it hurt laying on his side, he still faced Sam as Sam wrapped his arm gently around his back, holding him close. Grizz exhaled, resting his head on Sam’s chest.

 

His dad’s murderous face and the fear Grizz felt dissipated and was instead replaced with how Sam made him feel. Safe. He had never felt safer and more loved in his entire life as Sam placed a kiss to his forehead. Nothing could hurt him there. Nothing.

 

\---

 

Grizz woke the next morning with a groggy mind, almost like it was the morning after a night of heavy drinking. The sun was out and shining brightly, even with the curtains closed the room was bright. Wincing as he opened his eyes, Grizz looked around, wondering where he was for a moment before he recognized the signature wallpaper that was in every single room of Luke’s house. And, right. He would probably have to get used to waking up in that room. It was his new home, after all.

 

Rolling onto his back, he looked up, seeing Sam sitting there cross-legged on the bed and facing him. The homesick feeling in his stomach left the moment he saw him.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled, “hi.”

 

Grizz sat up, flinching as he quickly took the weight off his wrist. He clutched at his stomach, massaging the bruises that had since turned a light purple color.

 

“How bad is it?” Sam asked.

 

“I’m okay,” Grizz insisted. He held up a finger, telling Sam to wait a moment. He got off the bed and headed into the bathroom where he found his pain killers. He took one and picked up the bandage too. He had strapped up many parts of his body in the past because of football, so it was easy to tightly wrap the bandage around his wrist and hand.

 

He went back out to the bedroom, seeing Sam still on the bed in the same place. He eyed Grizz’s body, scanning the damage his father made. Grizz was hurting, sure, but he didn’t want Sam to know that.

 

The moment Sam’s eyes got back up to Grizz’s face, Grizz told him, “it looks worse than it is.”

 

“What happened last night?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz went back over and sat on the edge of the bed close to Sam. “We got home and my dad just…attacked me. He was so mad. He just wouldn’t stop. I really didn’t think it would get that bad but he just, God, he fucking hates me so much. And the things he was saying…”

 

“Whatever he said, it’s all bullshit,” Sam said.

 

“I know,” Grizz murmured, “it was just so…I don’t know. I just froze up, you know? He was just going at me and I didn’t even do anything. It was like I couldn’t. I just let it happen.”

 

“I hate him,” Sam said firmly.

 

“So do I, but it’s over. I just want to forget about it, about him,” Grizz said.

 

“You could go to the police,” Sam said, and as if Grizz hadn’t thought about that, but truth be told, Grizz was afraid that doing that would anger him more. Grizz didn’t trust the legal system. His dad had no record so he would probably get a slap on the wrist and be let go. And then what? He could come after him.

 

Grizz shook his head, “I don’t want to see him ever again.”

 

They both went quiet for a moment. Sam reached out, taking Grizz’s hand in his, locking their fingers together.

 

“I was so scared when I left the hospital,” Sam said.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz whispered, “I should have gone with you.”

 

“Yeah, you should’ve,” Sam nodded.

 

“I’m so fucking sorry Sam. I’m a piece of shit,” Grizz said.

 

“No, you aren’t.”

 

“I am. I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did. I’m so sorry,” Grizz couldn’t apologize enough. All Sam wanted was to keep him safe and Grizz just threw it all back in his face.

 

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have spoken to me like that, but I get it,” Sam said, his eyes finding Grizz’s, staring into them with a love that Grizz wasn’t quite sure he deserved.

 

“I panicked. I knew deep down it was going to get bad. I didn’t want you involved,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not,” Grizz argued.

 

Sam rolled his eyes and leant in, capturing Grizz’s lips with his without a warning. Grizz closed his eyes, staying still, not quite sure why Sam was being so nice to him after he was so awful. Sam’s lips left his after a few seconds and went to his cheek, kissing the aching area twice before he pulled back.

 

“I love you,” Sam said.

 

“Why?”

 

“Do I need a reason?” Sam asked, “I’m not going to stop loving you because we had one argument.”

 

Grizz guessed he was right. People argued all the time. That didn’t make Grizz feel any better though, but he would let it go.

 

“I love you too,” Grizz said.

 

“I know,” Sam smiled, “so, uhm, what are you going to do now?”

 

“Cuddle with you all morning, hopefully,” Grizz said the first thing to pop into his mind.

 

“I meant the bigger picture,” Sam said, but the smile couldn’t be wiped from his face.

 

“I know,” Grizz said as he moved closer. He ignored the question and instead tackled Sam onto the bed. Sam giggled as he wrapped his arms around Grizz, and Grizz nuzzled his face into Sam’s neck, kissing it lightly.

 

A lot of shit had happened in the past twenty-four hours, but being with Sam was his happy place. It had always been, and it made Grizz feel as though everything would be okay. He had lost his family, but at the same time, he never _really_ had a family. He had a house and a bedroom that he lived in, and that was all. That was gone, but he had Luke, who Grizz knew would always have his back, and Luke’s parents were good people.

 

There was a knock on the door, and Grizz groaned, knowing it would be Luke coming by to check on him, only when the door opened without a beat, standing there wasn’t Luke at all. Instead was a woman with her long blonde hair in a pony tail, and her exercise clothes clinging to her thin frame. Luke’s mom. The second Grizz saw her, he was off Sam, scooting over to the other side of the bed, his heart racing. Fuck, did he just screw up his chances of living there? Instead of a look of disgust that Grizz was expecting, Mrs. Holbrook blushed and smiled.

 

“Good morning, Grizz. Sorry about barging in. I didn’t realize you had company,” she said with raised eyebrows, but went on, “I just thought I’d bring you a few things because Luke said you didn’t have anything when you came over.”

 

“Oh, uh, yeah, thank you,” Grizz said. His heart was racing, beating so fast that for a second he felt as though he was back at home speaking to his father. Only, his father never smiled at him as warmly as Mrs. Holbrook did.

 

“You’re welcome,” she said as she set the plastic bag down on top of the bookshelf by the door. “Who’s your friend?”

 

Sam had since sat up and was sitting there awkwardly, looking between the two of them as he tried to follow the conversation.

 

“This is Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you staying for breakfast, Sam?” Mrs. Holbrook asked. Sam’s eyes had been on Grizz at that point. Grizz signed to him ‘breakfast’, and Sam looked back at Mrs. Holbrook, nodding.

 

“Sure,” Grizz answered for the both of them.

 

“Great, the others are still here too, all downstairs. Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour,” she said.

 

“Okay, thank you,” Grizz said politely. He had calmed down a lot as the conversation went on. She didn’t hate him.

 

“No problem, but Grizz, we have an open door policy when girlfriends or boyfriends are over,” she said, eyeing him sternly in the way that any mother would.

 

Grizz nodded quickly, “of course, sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, I’ll see you downstairs,” Mrs. Holbrook said, and with that she backed out of the room, leaving the door open.

 

Grizz stared at the door where she had just left, feeling a bit perplexed. How was it that Luke’s parents could easily be so accepting of him, but his own parents that raised him, that were supposed to love him, couldn’t?

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, crawling over to him.

 

Grizz looked him, nodding, “yeah. I’m just not used to parents that are okay with me.”

 

“Right…uhm…about that…” Sam said slowly.

 

“What?”

 

“My parents want to meet you,” Sam said.

 

“Your parents? I didn’t think they even knew about me,” Grizz said, because they had been keeping their relationship from Sam’s parents too because Grizz didn’t want them telling Grizz’s dad. How Campbell hadn’t blabbed to them was a mystery in its own.

 

“They knew I was with someone, just not sure who or how serious,” Sam said, “but last night, just before Luke texted me what happened, your dad called my parents to tell them about us and yell at them for letting me near you.”

 

“Fuck, Sam, I’m so sorry,” Grizz said. He was embarrassed. He didn’t want so many people being dragged into his mess of a life.

 

“It’s okay. My parents thought he sounded like an idiot,” Sam said with a laugh.

 

And, well, that was something, Grizz supposed. Maybe his dad would be the only person to have a problem with him, because Luke’s parents were fine, and apparently so were Sam’s. Grizz was just the unlucky one.

 

“My parents have always been cool with me, and they kind of saw how upset I was last night and they really want to meet you,” Sam said.

 

“Oh, okay,” Grizz nodded.

 

“There’s no rush. Maybe once everything dies down and you’re settled we can organize something?” Sam asked. He actually seemed nervous asking, but he had nothing to be nervous about. Grizz was more serious about Sam than anything, so of course he wanted to meet his parents.

 

“Yeah, of course, that’d be great,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked warily.

 

“Yes, I’m sure. I’d love to meet your parents,” Grizz said honestly.

 

Sam smiled and leant over, placing a kiss on Grizz’s cheek before he got off the bed, “come on then. I’m hungry.”

 

Grizz did as he was told. He got off the bed and threw on the shirt that Luke left him, while Sam got dressed. Taking his hand, Grizz led Sam out of the room and down the stairs. Following the noise, he took them into the living room where Helena and Luke were on one couch, Gwen and Jason on the other, and Clark was sprawled out on the floor looking at his phone. They were all just lounging around.

 

“Hey!” the two were met by a chorus of greetings when the group noticed them.

 

“Hey,” Grizz nodded. He went over and sat on the floor by Clark, with Sam next to him, because there wasn’t really anywhere else to go.

 

“How are you feeling this morning?” Helena asked.

 

“Better,” Grizz said, which if he was talking about physically, it was a lie because he actually felt pretty terrible, but mentally he was in a much better place than he had been.

 

“That’s good,” Luke said, “my dad’s been asking about you. He wanted to check on you this morning but I didn’t want him walking in on anything.”

 

“Yeah, well, you should’ve given your mom the memo,” Grizz said.

 

“No way, Mrs. Holbrook walked in on you?” Jason laughed.

 

“We weren’t doing anything, but it was still weird,” Grizz said.

 

“Not as weird as when Clark’s mom walked in on me and him. I could never look her in the eye again,” Gwen said.

 

“You broke up with me like three days later so you never had to,” Clark murmured.

 

Grizz looked to him. His eyes were glued to his phone and he seemed tired. He looked like a mess, actually, probably not as bad as Grizz looked.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said to him, pushing his shoulder lightly, “how’s the arm?”

 

“Hurts,” Clark said simply.

 

“You okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“Super,” Clark muttered.

 

Grizz frowned, wondering what had gotten into him. Grizz looked over at Jason who had been watching them. He looked away, pretending to be interested in his phone. Something was up with them. Grizz had too much going on in his own life to even try and figure it out though, so he let it slide.

 

“Do you want to go get your things today, Grizz?” Luke asked.

 

“Yeah, dude, we’ll all come,” Jason said.

 

Grizz shook his head, “not today. Maybe later in the week.”

 

“Me, Jason and Clark can all go. You don’t have to see him again,” Luke said.

 

“You’re not going without me,” Grizz said adamantly.

 

“We can go when he’s not home then,” Luke decided, and Grizz nodded. They could skip a class to go during the day. Grizz really didn’t want to see his dad or talk to him. As far as Grizz was concerned, his father was dead.

 

“Kids! Breakfast!” Luke’s mom shouted from the other room.

 

Like a flock of birds, the lot of them got up and rushed to the kitchen, ready for some food. And if Grizz didn’t know any better it was as if Luke’s parents had adopted the lot of them. Going into the next room, Grizz noticed Luke’s mom in the kitchen, and his dad at the dining room table. While his friends and Sam flocked to the food sprawled out on the kitchen counter, Grizz went over to Dr. Holbrook.

 

“Grizz,” Dr. Holbrook said, putting down his piece of toast, “how are you feeling today?”

 

“I’m okay,” Grizz said, not wanting to cause a fuss.

 

“You let me know if the pain gets worse or you start getting headaches, alright?” he said.

 

“I will, promise. Uhm, I also just, uh, I just wanted to thank you for bringing me in to your home,” Grizz said, “I really don’t know what I’d do without this. And, uhm, I’m going to find a job so I can at least pay rent and I’ll help out and do chores and everything.”

 

“Grizz, relax. You’re family. You always have been,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

“Yeah, I finally got a brother!” Luke added from the other side of the room, followed by a laugh.

 

Grizz looked over to him, rolling his eyes at the comment, but on the inside, despite what he had been through with his family, Grizz felt as though he was the luckiest person alive to have friends like that that he could now call his family. This could be the beginning of something great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I posted another part to Bros With Benefits too. I'm desperately trying to have that story catch up to the timeline of this story but dang it's hard to find time to write both haha


	45. Cut ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 44 recap: Luke and Jason took Grizz to hospital after finding him beaten up out the front of his house. Grizz won't go to the police though because he just wants it all to be over. Luke and Luke's parents have taken Grizz into their home and he's living there now. Sam and Grizz made up after their argument. All is well (: 
> 
> WARNINGS: not really that spoilery. This chapter has homophobic slurs and deals a lot with abusive relationships.

By the time Grizz went to school on Monday morning, everyone had heard about the crash, and of course rumors ran wild with gossip about how one of them died, or how Grizz had been drunk at the wheel, or how they were all arrested, so everyone had a bit of a shock when Grizz and all of his friends walked in through the front doors that morning. The only ones showing any sign of injury was Clark and Grizz, and at least Grizz could claim he was in pain because of the accident and not because of what his dad did.

 

Grizz hadn’t heard anything about the other car. He wondered if they got the license plate number correct or if they would never end up finding the guy, or girl. If Grizz got the chance, he would give them a piece of his mind for almost killing his friends.

 

Grizz also hadn’t heard anything from his mom or dad, not that he cared. He could go the rest of his life without hearing from either of them and he would be happy. He had woken up that morning with a fresh take on life. What happened to him had been awful, but there was a big part of him that was glad that it happened, because he was finally out of there, he was free. The thing that he was so scared of happening, happened, and he made it through it. Now it was as if nothing was holding him back.

 

He spent all weekend with Sam and his friends at Luke’s house. Luke’s parents had to assure him a dozen times that it was fine with them that he was living there, but Grizz still felt as though there was an expiration date on his welcome, so he started looking and applying for jobs online so he could have some sort of financial security. He wanted a summer job to prepare for college. He didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have the full scholarship that included a dorm. It was only the holidays that would be tricky.

 

Grizz was feeling pretty content that morning having come to terms with what happened. He was looking forward, not turning back to what could have been, or what _should_ have been. His positive mood was only dampened a little as he walked into English class; his first period of the day.

 

 _Elle_. Grizz had forgotten about her. So much had happened since Friday that he barely had time to think about how she got back with Campbell and threw him under the bus with her lies. Grizz stood still at the front of the classroom. He cursed the assigned seating. He didn’t want to be anywhere near her in that moment.

 

The girl looked up, her back straightening and her eyes alert as she locked them with Grizz’s. Grizz looked away, releasing a heavy sigh. He could handle the next hour with her, he supposed. He went over to his usual desk and dropped his things on it loudly before plonking down on the chair. Flipping his notebook open, he tried to ignore the eyes that were on him.

 

“Are you okay?” Elle asked.

 

Grizz paused. Okay? Was he _okay?_ In the past three days he had been made out to be some creepy stalker, he got into a car accident, his dad found out he was gay and beat the shit out of him, leaving him homeless, and she wants to know, after throwing all the help he offered her back in his face, if he was okay? He was pissed, furious even, but as he looked at the girl and her apologetic eyes, he softened.

 

“Are you?” Grizz asked.

 

Elle went to say something before closing her mouth and swallowing. She looked at the ground, chewing her bottom lip. Grizz couldn’t help but worry about her. He cared for her more than he should have.

 

“I need you to stay away from Campbell, okay?” she said in a hushed tone.

 

Grizz snorted, shaking his head, “I’m not scared of someone like Campbell.”

 

“You don’t get it, he-,” she stopped, shaking her head.

 

“He what?” Grizz asked.

 

She kept shaking her head before turning to face the front. “Just don’t talk to him, ever.”

 

“What do you think he’s going to do to me, Elle?” Grizz asked with a little glare because he was honestly sick to death of talking about Campbell and all of the empty threats.

 

“I’m just trying to help you,” she whispered.

 

 _She_ was trying to help _him_? All Grizz had been doing for the last few months was try to help Elle get away from Campbell and now she was trying to do the exact same thing to him? Something was off, way off, but Grizz was tired and if Elle wasn’t going to lay it all out for him in plain English, then he wasn’t having a bar of it, so he didn’t bother speaking to her for the rest of class.

 

\---

 

By the time lunch rolled around, Grizz was more than ready for his next dose of Sam. He found Sam by his locker, waiting for him like always. Grizz only felt a tiny bit bad for taking Sam away from Becca all the time, but not that bad, because Becca was almost always off with Gwen nowadays anyway.

 

Sam gave him a giant smile as Grizz walked up to him. Taking Sam’s face in his hands, Grizz kissed him, making him smile against his lips. Sam pushed him away, but took hold of his hands, lacing their fingers together.

 

“Let’s sit outside today,” Grizz said.

 

“Why?” Sam asked with a frown, because it was a little unusual. Ever since Grizz had come out, they spent lunch with all of their friends in the cafeteria.

 

“It’s a nice day, and I wanna kiss you without annoying the others,” Grizz explained.

 

Sam seemed to contemplate that for a long while before finally nodding, “you had me at kiss.”

 

Grizz grinned before pecking Sam’s lips again, then led him down the hallway. The two headed outside hand in hand, neither of them feeling guilty for ditching their friends. They would all get the point when neither of them turned up in the cafeteria. Grizz took Sam down to the football field where not a lot of people were. Deciding he wanted to take him as far from any distractions as possible, he led him to the bleachers. The two hiked right up to the top corner where they sat on the bench, facing each other.

 

“Why do I feel like you wanna talk about something serious?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz smiled, shaking his head, “I don’t. I just like getting you alone.”

 

“We’re still out in the open. You should have taken us to our classroom so I can figure out just how much you want me alone,” Sam said, and damn, he was right.

 

Grizz laughed it off, “okay, maybe you’re right. Maybe I should’ve, but you just look so pretty in the sunlight.”

 

Sam merely rolled his eyes and fished his sandwich out of his bag. Grizz did the same, finding the peanut butter sandwich Luke’s mom had made for him that Grizz insisted he didn’t need because he usually got the cafeteria lunch, but she managed to slip it in his bag anyway, and Grizz didn’t want to waste food.

 

“What was it like waking up at Luke’s again?” Sam asked as he took a bite of his sandwich.

 

“Kind of like I’m having an extended sleep over. It hasn’t really set in that I live there now,” Grizz said.

 

“Probably because you don’t have your things,” Sam tapped Grizz’s thigh which was clad in Luke’s jeans, because he had no other clothes except Luke’s, who was kind enough to lend him some. “Although,” Sam went on, “I like how tight his jeans are on you.”

 

“Are you calling me fat?” Grizz accused.

 

“Nope, I just like your booty,” Sam winked.

 

Grizz snorted in laughter and shook his head, “how do I sign ‘you’re an idiot?’”

 

Sam’s mouth dropped in mock shock before he glared at his boyfriend, “you already know that one because you say it to me all the time.”

 

‘I love you,’ Grizz signed.

 

“I’m undecided,” Sam said.

 

‘You suck,’ Grizz signed pointedly.

 

“Maybe if Luke’s mom didn’t have an open door policy then I would,” Sam said. Trust Sam to make _everything_ sexual. Sometimes Grizz just couldn’t handle him.

 

“Stop it,” Grizz said.  

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you’re gonna turn me on and this isn’t the place,” Grizz said.

 

“Didn’t stop Jason and Clark,” Sam shot back.

 

“You’re not supposed to know about that,” Grizz scolded him. A few weeks ago, Grizz had to cover for Jason and Clark when apparently, they couldn’t just wait until they got home to hook up, so they made a trip to the back seat of Jason’s car during lunch. Those were simpler times. Now though? Well, Jason and Clark had been a bit off for the past couple of weeks and neither of them had opened up to Grizz about it.

 

“What’s going on with them now anyway?” Sam asked.

 

“I don’t know. I try not to get involved in the drama,” Grizz said.

 

“You? Not involved in drama? Drama is your middle name,” Sam teased.  

 

“I don’t mean to,” Grizz mumbled.

 

Sam raised his eyebrows, obviously not believing him. The two stared at each other challengingly.

 

“What, like I purposely wanted to get in a car crash, have my dad beat me up and get kicked out of home,” Grizz said.  

 

“I’m not talking about your dad or the crash,” Sam said.

 

Grizz had to think about that for a moment, but Sam could only mean one thing. “What…Elle?”

 

Sam nodded. Grizz had texted Sam between classes and told him of the interaction he had with Elle in class, and Sam wasn’t too impressed. Grizz figured Sam was just as tired of dealing with Elle and Campbell as Grizz was, especially when there was never an outcome.

 

“Someone’s gotta help her,” Grizz defended.  

 

“Don’t know why it has to be you,” Sam said.  

 

“Because no one else knows something is wrong,” Grizz argued.

 

“She doesn’t want help,” Sam said. He was a little quicker to drop her than Grizz was.

 

“I know she doesn’t, but it’s so frustrating standing by watching her do this. Maybe I could…” Grizz stopped as his train of thought went a bit wild.

 

“Could what?” Sam asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Grizz shrugged, “maybe I could talk to her parents and tell her everything that’s happened, and see if they’ve noticed anything too.”

 

“Grizz…” Sam shook his head.

 

“What?”

 

“Please don’t get involved again. It’ll just make Campbell more pissed,” Sam said.  

 

“I’m not scared of Campbell.” How many times did Grizz have to say it?

 

“Well, I am,” Sam said, his puppy dog eyes boring into Grizz’s.

 

“Why? Has he done something?” Grizz asked frantically.

 

“I’m not scared of what he could do to me. I’m scared of what he could do to you,” Sam said.

 

Relaxing a little, Grizz shook his head dismissively, “I’m fine.”

 

Sam didn’t say anything, and for a few moments the two of them fell silent as they finished off their sandwiches. Grizz downed half a bottle of water, suddenly regretting sitting that little bit closer to the sun. Grizz looked to Sam who was staring down at his lap, playing with the fabric of his jeans. Grizz didn’t want the topic of Campbell to ruin their day, so, without another thought, Grizz squirted his bottle of water in Sam’s direction, splashing him right on the cheek.

 

Sam gasped as his eyes shot up to Grizz in surprise. They quickly turned into a glare as Sam lunged for the water bottle. Grizz held it up in the air, out of Sam’s reach.

 

“You’re a bully,” Sam said as he climbed on top of Grizz, trying to snatch the bottle. Grizz threw the bottle down a few rows and wrapped his arms around Sam’s back, holding him close, because, well, he was there anyway, so why not take advantage and keep him on top of him?

 

Sam huffed as he settled, sitting on Grizz’s lap with each leg dangling off to the sides. Grizz trailed his hands down to Sam’s ass with the pure intentions of just holding him there so he didn’t fall back. Sam took Grizz’s face in his hands, careful not to aggravate his bruise, and kissed him gently. Grizz melted against him, as always.

 

It was just nice, being able to sit there and kiss his boyfriend without worrying who saw; without worrying if his dad would somehow find out. Although, Grizz really wished they had gone to an empty classroom because Sam’s kisses didn’t stay sweet for long. He slipped his tongue inside Grizz’s mouth, and Grizz went with it, so used to the way Sam liked to make out with him.

 

“You taste like peanut butter,” Sam said against his lips before diving right back in, kissing Grizz hard. Yeah, they _definitely_ should have gone to an empty classroom.

 

Grizz focused heavily on the feel of Sam’s lips and _not_ on how the rest of his body was reacting. He was so distracted that he barely noticed his phone vibrating in his pocket until the second time it rang, buzzing away between his and Sam’s thighs. Sam slid his hand between them, cupping his bulge. Grizz pulled away, looking at his boyfriend.

 

“That’s not my phone,” Grizz said.

 

“I wasn’t looking for your phone,” Sam grinned cheekily.

 

“You’re so bad,” Grizz said before going to Sam’s neck, kissing above his collarbone.

 

“What? We’re too far away. No one can see,” Sam said as he rubbed his hand back and forth. Grizz sighed, knowing it was a bad idea, but not knowing how to say no to Sam, so he was a little relieved when his phone started buzzing again. Grizz sighed, pulling it from his pocket, and after seeing Luke’s name there, answered.

 

“Hey,” Grizz said into the phone, with Sam looking at him a bit annoyed.

 

“Grizz? Where are you?” Luke asked, his voice a little higher than normal.

 

“Outside with Sam. What’s wrong?” Grizz asked.

 

“I got a call from my dad because he’s looking for you and doesn’t have your number,” Luke said.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, listen dude, your mom’s okay, but she’s in hospital,” Luke came right out saying it. Grizz’s blood ran cold and he tried not to panic or jump to conclusions, because Luke said she was okay, right? Noticing the look on Grizz’s face, Sam climbed off him, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

 

“What happened?” Grizz asked.

 

“She’s not saying, but I think we both know. You’re apparently her number one emergency contact,” Luke said.

 

“Fuck. Can you take me there?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, meet me at my car,” he said.

 

“Okay, thanks,” Grizz hung up the phone, looking to Sam.

 

“What happened?” Sam asked.

 

“My mom’s in hospital.”

 

“What? Is she okay?” he asked.

 

“Apparently. I don’t know. I gotta go,” Grizz said, standing.

 

“I’m coming,” Sam followed.

 

Grizz shook his head, “you don’t have to.”

 

Sam just gave him a pointed look, and he knew there was no use arguing with him, so Grizz nodded and off they went.

 

\---

 

Grizz headed down a familiar hallway of the town’s hospital. He left Sam and Luke in the waiting area, mostly because he didn’t want Sam to get any more involved in his family drama. Dr. Holbrook had greeted them when they came in and directed Grizz where to go. The room was near the one Grizz had been in just a few nights before.

 

When he rounded the corner and stood at the doorway to his mom’s room, he paused, taking in the sight before him. It wasn’t dire; it wasn’t like she was unconscious and hooked up to a bunch of machines. She looked as though she was in a worse condition than Grizz had been. She was bruised and battered, her arm with a cast on it, her hair a tangled mess. She looked as though she was the one that had just been in a car accident, but Grizz knew better.

 

“What the fuck happened, mom?” he asked. She looked up, startled to see him there, she sat up a little on the bed, flinching as she did.

 

 “Gareth…they needed an emergency contact and you were all I could think of. I didn’t want them to actually call you,” she said.

 

“What happened?” Grizz asked again. He headed into the room and sat on the edge of the bed next to her.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” his mom said, putting on a fake smile.

 

“Mom.”

 

“I told them I was jumped by a random person in the mall parking lot,” she said.

 

“Right, and what really happened?” Grizz asked again.

 

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she took a deep, shaky breath, looking away from him. Grizz’s heart hurt, it really did, but he had this wall up. He wouldn’t give his mom his full sympathy, because when he was in hospital, after she literally stood by and witnessed him being beaten up, did she come to talk to him? No. He didn’t really know what he was supposed to feel towards her.

 

“Mom?” Grizz prompted, talking firmly, “what did he do?”

 

She sighed, brushing away a stray tear, and looked back at him.

 

“We were arguing, same as usual, and then…he figured out that I knew about you all along. And he accused me of covering it up and lying, which…I guess is true so…” she shrugged.

 

Grizz stilled, not even breathing. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t believe that any of this was happening, in fucking two thousand _nineteen_ , in a time where there was supposed to be some level of acceptance, right? He couldn’t believe that not only was he beaten up for being gay, but his mom was beaten for merely knowing about it.

 

“I deserved it,” she said as she burst into tears, “I’m sorry, I’m s-so sorry.”

 

Grizz wanted to argue because deep down he knew no one deserved for this to happen, but he was conflicted, in the same way he had been conflicted with Elle.

 

“We both should have been out of there a long time ago,” Grizz said.

 

“Everything’s my fault,” she sobbed.

 

Grizz watched her completely fall apart, his heart softening with every second. He reached over to the table by the bed and picked up the box of tissues, handing them to her.

 

“It’s not,” Grizz hesitated before going on, “it’s not your fault. This is the first time he ever really got like… _this_. It was always yelling and shit. You couldn’t predict he would go this far.”

 

“It’s not the first time,” she admitted.

 

“He hurt you before?” Grizz asked quickly.

 

The two were quiet for a minute as her crying calmed down to a few sniffles. Grizz should have felt sadder, right? He should have been crying with her, seeing her like that? And yet, his heart had this steel trap around it when it came to her.

 

“Do you remember when you were eight and you did those tap-dancing lessons?” his mom asked in a soft voice.

 

“Sort of, yeah,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Well, you were attached to this big, fluffy pink feather boa. You liked it, you liked dancing, and you were a little more flamboyant when you were younger. I liked it. It was fun, and I always wanted a daughter. Not that I thought you could be a girl, but it was fun to do those things. But your dad, he hated it,” she explained, and Grizz wasn’t too sure where she was going with this story, but he stayed silent, letting her finish.

 

“There was this one night he came home earlier than I thought he would, and you and I were in the living room singing and dancing with that feather boa. You were on the coffee table and you were showing me your latest routine and…well, your dad didn’t know I kept you in the classes. I didn’t think he would care as much as he did but…”

 

“But?” Grizz asked when she spaced out, staring at the wall in front of her.

 

“But…he lost it. He came up behind you, and he picked up the TV remote, and he hit you over the back of the head so hard that you were knocked out for nearly a minute,” she said.

 

Grizz was confused. He remembered the exact night she was talking about, but he had different images in his head. He couldn’t remember his dad doing that. He didn’t even remember there being an argument.

 

“I fell…,” Grizz said, “you told me I slipped and hit my head”

 

She couldn’t even look at him. She stared ahead, shaking her head, letting Grizz know that that had been a complete lie. His dad had knocked him out when he was a child, and his mom still stayed.

 

“After that we put you in football to straighten you out, and your dad…he hated me so much. He blamed me. Everything was okay before then, and then he just…he was so angry all the time. He was fighting me all the time, and I never did anything so he thought it was okay to keep doing it. It just became so normal, I guess. And…a big part of me hated you. I hated you so much because he hated _me_ and blamed _me_ because of what _you_ are,” she said.

 

Grizz closed his eyes as a tear escaped, because those words hurt. They really fucking hurt. The entire relationship he and his mom had was fucked up. No mother should hate her son, or even blame her son for being stuck in an abusive relationship. Grizz took a breath, letting it slide because there was no point in arguing with her about it. Their relationship was well and truly dead.

 

“You need to get out of there. You need to report him,” Grizz said, looking back to her.

 

“And then what, Gareth? He gets put away for a couple of years and he comes back, madder than ever…” she said.

 

“Then leave.”

 

“Where am I supposed to go?” she asked.

 

“Grandmas?”

 

“She’s across the other side of the country,” she said.

 

“Then move,” Grizz urged, “or…stay in a hotel.”

 

“My whole life is in this town,” she said.

 

“What life? Your abusive husband? Your son that you hate? What do you have here other than a shitty job that you could get again anywhere?” he asked.

 

She fell silent as she took in his words, then eventually nodded, because she knew he was right. There was nothing keeping her there.

 

“I can’t go back,” she concluded.

 

“I know. I’ll go back and get all your things,” Grizz said.

 

She shook her head quickly in a panic, “you can’t go back there.”

 

“I’ll take the boys. It’ll be fine,” Grizz assured her.

 

They both went silent again. He had no clue what was running through her mind, but he was thinking of places she could go, at least for now or until she sorts things out with her own mom.

 

“What about Diana?” Grizz asked.

 

“What about her?” she asked.

 

“She’s your friend, right?” he said, speaking of the only work colleague his mom ever mentioned, and he was sure they went out together sometimes too.

 

“I guess.”

 

“You can stay with her. Or I can talk to the Holbrook’s,” Grizz said, but honestly, he didn’t want his mom staying there. Their relationship was so damaged that he wasn’t sure he even wanted anything to do with her anymore. He still had a conscience though, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that his mom was still living at home.

 

“Promise me you’ll leave,” Grizz begged, “just think about it, you could be over the other side of the country in a few days, living with Grandma who you _know_ will take you in with open arms. You could get a fresh start where you’re safe.”

 

“Maybe,” she murmured.

 

“Call grandma, tell her what happened, or I will,” Grizz said as he stood from the bed, “I’ll go home and get your stuff and be back later.”

 

“Wait,” she said before Grizz had the chance to leave.

 

“What?”

 

“Your car’s a wreck. Who brought you?” she asked curiously.

 

“Luke and S-… Uhm, Luke drove me,” he settled on saying.

 

“Were you going to say the other boy’s name? Your…boyfriend?” she asked.

 

“Yeah,” he admitted, “yeah, he’s downstairs.”

 

“Can I meet him?” she asked.

 

Grizz paused. It was such a simple request, and it would be so easy to just get Sam and bring him in, but Grizz found himself shaking his head.

 

“No,” Grizz answered simply.

 

“Why?”

 

Grizz took another deep breath as he stepped towards her and held her hand. He looked right into her eyes with as much love as he could muster up in that moment, because he didn’t want her to think he hated her, because he didn’t, but enough was enough. He needed to cut the cord for his own sake.

 

“Mom, I will always love you, but…dad beat the shit out of me the other night, and you stood there and watched, and that’s all I see when I look at you. And I wish you the best, I do. I want you to get out of there, and I will help you but…after that I need to start over, we both do, and I don’t think I can have you in my life anymore,” he said.

 

She had a blank stare on her face, no tears, no devastation, just nothing as she nodded. She knew the truth, that their family was so fucked. It was ruined and it was time for all of them to go their separate ways. First thing was first though; getting all of their things back.

 

“I’ll be back,” Grizz assured her.

 

“Okay.”

 

Letting go of her hand, Grizz left the room, in search of Luke and Sam.

 

\---

 

After school that day, Grizz sat in Luke’s car, with Jason and Clark, out the front of his house, his _old_ house, because he didn’t live there anymore, right? His dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway, so it was safe, for now. Grizz knew he would be home eventually, and maybe they would still be there then, but Grizz knew he had to get all of his and his mom’s things out of there before his dad did something crazy like set everything on fire, or sell it all.

 

 The four boys headed up to the house and went inside. It looked, as always, like your average American home. You wouldn’t be able to guess what had happened there over the past few days.

 

“Where do we start?” Luke asked.

 

“You guys can start on my room. Just take whatever, clothes, books, everything. I’ll start on my mom’s things,” Grizz said.

 

The boys nodded and did as they were told, heading to Grizz’s room while Grizz went to his parent’s room. They all had rolls of garbage bags that they would stuff with whatever they could get their hands on.

 

The group were there for a couple of hours, filling bags and taking them to Luke’s car which had a trailer attached. They piled it up, packing away Grizz’s entire life. It was depressing, really, emptying the room he had grown up in and knowing he could never go back. It wasn’t like he would miss it, he didn’t think. It wasn’t like it was a happy place anyway.

 

Grizz stood in his bare room, looking at the walls, taking in every detail. They were done. The four boys stood there, three sets of eyes on Grizz.

 

“You okay, dude?” Jason asked.

 

“Yeah, kind of relieved, actually,” Grizz said.

 

“At least your room at Luke’s is like twice the size of this,” Clark said.

 

Grizz smiled at him, appreciating the positivity.

 

“Yeah, maybe a little too much room. I-,” Grizz stopped as he heard the sound of the front door closing.

 

“Shit,” Grizz muttered.

 

“Is that your dad?” Luke asked.

 

“Probably.”

 

“Good, I’m gonna beat the shit out of him,” Clark said.

 

“No, you aren’t. Let’s just get out of here. No one interact with him,” Grizz said.

 

The four of them, with the couple bags of stuff they still had to take to Luke’s car, headed out of the room. They got to the top of the stairs, and there were four of them after all, with heavy footsteps, so it was near impossible for Grizz’s dad to not hear them. The man stood at the bottom of the stairs, shock written all over his face as he looked up at Grizz.

 

“What the fuck are you doing back here?” he spat.  

 

Taking his own advice, Grizz ignored him. Luke went down first, Grizz following. Grizz didn’t make eye contact. He didn’t want to interact with him at all. Luke went past first, knocking into his dad’s shoulder, and that was what set him off. The moment Grizz went to go past, his dad latched onto his shirt, yanking him closer.

 

“I asked what the _fuck_ you’re doing here!?” his dad shouted in his face.

 

“Let go of me,” Grizz said calmly.

 

His dad shoved him straight into Clark who was quick to pass him off to Jason before he pushed past the both of them and grabbed his dad, ramming him against the wall.

 

“Clark!” Grizz shouted, but he wasn’t too worried. Clark was bigger and stronger than his dad and had him firmly held there with ease.

 

“Let go of me you little shit!” his dad snarled. He swung an arm, slapping Clark’s head, which had Jason rushing over, taking Grizz’s dad’s arm and pinning it to the wall.

 

“Get out of here, Grizz,” Luke said.

 

Grizz stood there, his heart racing, and if Grizz wanted to be the bigger person, he would have just walked out of there, but seeing his dad struggle against his friends, but be almost completely immobile, unable to get free, gave Grizz a boost of confidence. He stepped down the last step and went over to where his dad was. He stared him down, and for once, he wasn’t afraid.

 

“You…are a sad, weak little man,” Grizz said, and God, that was satisfying.

 

“Get out of my house!” his dad screamed.

 

“Oh, I will, I have all my things and all _mom’s_ things, because she is _never_ coming back here after what you did to her,” Grizz said, his words dripping with venom. He hated his dad _so_ much for what he did.

 

“You can’t just take everything. I’ll call the police,” his dad said smugly.

 

“And tell them what? That you beat your son and wife to the point where they left you? I’m sure the police would _love_ to hear that story,” Grizz threatened.

 

“You’re a smart-ass little faggot,” his dad taunted, glaring at his son.

 

“Yeah, I am,” Grizz said proudly, “I’m gay, and you’re too much of a coward to step up and accept that. You’re living in a world full of fucking faggots, dad. Some of the people you talk to every day are gay and you don’t even know it. You didn’t even know that your own son was gay and living under your roof. You’re gonna have to grow the fuck up and get over it. Get with the fucking times.”

 

His dad looked to his friends, glancing back and forth between the three of them before asking them, “how can you be okay with this shit?”

 

Clark shrugged, “I mean, I have a boyfriend so it doesn’t really bother me.”

 

“Yeah, and I had sex with him,” Jason said, nodding to Clark, “like a lot of times.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve fucked a guy too, so what?” Luke added.

 

Grizz frowned at him for a second before looking back to his dad’s enraged face, “see, faggots everywhere. You can’t beat the shit out of all of us.”

 

“I don’t give a fuck about them. My son was never supposed to be gay. He was supposed to be normal. He was supposed to be like me,” his dad said.

 

“I am normal. What _isn’t_ normal is what you did to me, and what you did to mom. That’s not fucking normal!” Grizz shouted at him, “you’re supposed to love us. You’re supposed to protect us, no matter what. And you fucked that up. You’ve fucked up all of our lives and we’re both getting out.”

 

“Where is she gonna go, huh?” his dad asked.

 

“Doesn’t matter, as long as she’s away from you.” Grizz said, and then he looked at his friends, “I’m done, let’s go.”

 

Clark and Jason, having the same thought, threw Grizz’s dad to the ground. The group quickly grabbed their bags and rushed from the house. Grizz didn’t look back. He would _never_ look back. As far as he was concerned, his dad was dead.

 

“Are you okay?” Luke asked.

 

Grizz nodded as he tossed the final bag in the trailer. Clark and Jason covered the trailer with a tarp, tying it down, and the four wasted no time getting in the car, Luke driving off down the street.

 

“Sorry, guys. I should have just left,” Grizz said.

 

“Nah dude, that was fucking awesome. See how mad he was?” Jason asked.

 

Grizz laughed, although he was shaking a little, “yeah, that was actually kind of satisfying.”

 

“I still want to punch him in the fucking face though,” Clark said.

 

“He’s gonna die alone, that’s the only punishment he needs,” Grizz said. He looked around at his three best friends, appreciating every one of them, “thanks for having my back.”

 

“Always,” Luke said.

 

“Yeah, man, you can count on us,” Jason said.

 

The four fell into a silence as they all relaxed a little, feeling more safe now that they were out of the house and away from confrontation. Grizz would never have to see his dad again, and that made him unbelievably happy. It was over.

 

“Hey, Luke,” Clark said, breaking the silence.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Have you really fucked a guy?” Clark asked.

 

“No,” Luke laughed, “I just said that to get to him. But apparently I’m the only one in this car who is straight.”

 

“You’re a minority,” Grizz said with a grin, pushing his shoulder playfully.

 

“Straight pride,” Luke winked.

 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Grizz laughed, the other three joining in.

 

Suddenly, it didn’t seem to matter at all that Grizz’s family had fallen apart, because he had this entire other family with Luke, Jason, Clark, Gwen, Helena and Sam, and that was all he would never need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later than usual update. I was busy as heck all week!! I'm gonna aim to update this again this weekend to make up for it. Hopefully I'll have the time. Thanks so much for reading!!!


	46. Meet the parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 45 recap: Elle and Sam both warned Grizz to stay away from Campbell. Grizz got a call that his mom's in hospital- she was beaten by his dad. She agreed that she has to leave him. Grizz and his best buds went back to his house and got all of his things and his mom's things. His dad showed up and Grizz gave him a piece of his mind before leaving. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Talk of abusive relationships. Some sexual content in the beginning.

Sex with Sam was mind-blowing. They hadn’t done it that many times in the three weeks that had gone by since they first did it, but each time they did was better than the last, and Grizz always anticipated the next time because what if it was _even better_ , if possible?

 

There didn’t have to be an open door policy if Luke’s parents never knew when Sam was coming over. Grizz only felt a little bad for breaking one of their rules, considering they had been so generous letting him stay there, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt, right? He was an adult, technically, so he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

 

Last night Sam had snuck over, and that was innocent enough, but early that morning Grizz had woken to Sam’s mouth around his dick, and barely a thing was said between the two, and before Grizz knew it, Sam had him pinned to the bed, and that was where Grizz stayed the entire time Sam had his way with him. Grizz always topped, Sam was pretty adamant about that for the time being, but sometimes Sam got _on top_ , and Grizz was pretty much a goner.

 

The way Sam rolled his hips on top of him, the way he pinned Grizz’s wrists to the mattress, the way he sucked and bit on Grizz’s neck, all had Grizz trying his best not to make the most inhumane of noises. It was almost a relief when he decided not to hold back anymore and he climaxed with Sam’s lips against his, muffling out the moan that he accidentally let slip.

 

The good thing was that Luke’s parent’s bedroom was over the other side of the house. The bad thing? Luke’s bedroom was right next door to his and that morning Grizz had earnt himself two sharp bangs on the wall as Luke’s frustration over the noises he must have heard came to a head.

 

Grizz laughed a little, turning his head free of Sam’s lips, “sorry!” he called out.

 

“Sorry?” Sam asked.

 

“Luke can hear us,” Grizz told him.

 

Sam’s eyes went wide, “why didn’t you tell me he could hear us? Why are you making noises?”

 

“Couldn’t help it,” Grizz said as he looked up at his boyfriend with the utmost affection.

 

Sam rolled his eyes before getting off of Grizz and falling onto his back on the bed. Knowing Sam wasn’t done yet, Grizz moved on top of him, kissing down the length of his body. Once he got to his harder than ever hard-on, he looked up, seeing Sam watching him back. Grizz put his finger to his lips, telling him to stay silent before taking Sam into his mouth.

 

“Fuck,” Sam breathed before taking a pillow and putting it over his face.

 

The two had been so worked up that night that it didn’t take Sam long at all to come. To his credit, Sam barely made a single sound, probably wanting to show off to Grizz that it was possible. Grizz crawled back up his boyfriend’s body, taking the pillow from his face.

 

“Don’t suffocate yourself,” Grizz said.

 

“Does he always listen in on us doing this?” Sam said.

 

“Not always,” Grizz said, although, Luke had told him plenty of times over the past two weeks since Grizz had been living there that Grizz needed to be quiet, that Luke didn’t want to wake up in the middle of the night, or early morning for that matter, hearing his best friend moaning, but Grizz had also heard him and Helena _plenty_ of times, not that they were having sex, because they weren’t, but they were doing everything but.

 

“I’m gonna die,” Sam said.

 

“Not on my watch,” Grizz said, “come on, let’s shower. I gotta go soon.”

 

“My offer still stands. I’ll come with you,” Sam said.

 

“No, it’s okay,” Grizz assured him.

 

Later on that morning Grizz had to take his mom to the airport. She had been staying with her friend, Diana, while she completed her two weeks after resigning from her job. She had done what Grizz asked her to do and contacted her mother who was shocked to hear of everything that happened, but was more than willing to take her daughter back until she got back on her feet. It was a relief for Grizz, because he really didn’t want her going back to his dad.

 

The two got out of bed and headed to the shower. It was amazing how they had become so comfortable around each other, willing to walk around naked and shower together without another thought. Grizz couldn’t wait until they were older and living together because the small glimpses of domestic bliss warmed Grizz’s heart to the point where he had the urge to get down on one knee and propose, but of course, that was ridiculous and he suppressed the urge because Sam put up with a lot of Grizz’s craziness, but that might just push him over the edge.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Sam asked as the two stood in the shower. Grizz had been staring at Sam for far too long as he washed himself.

 

“I’ll tell you in a few years,” Grizz said.

 

“Well, now I’m curious,” Sam said, eyeing him skeptically.

 

Grizz just smiled and stepped forward, further under the water and took Sam’s face in his hands, kissing him softly. The two of them continued their shower in peaceful bliss, washing each other until they were squeaky clean. Grizz only decided to get out when he realized that they had been in there a little too long and he had places to be.

 

They got out, dried and dressed, and Grizz headed out into the hall, going to Luke’s door and knocking on it a few times. A tired-looking Luke with messy hair and a less than impressed scowl on his face, opened the door.

 

“What?” Luke snapped.

 

“Someone’s cranky,” Grizz said with a smirk.

 

“Someone was woken up at six in the morning because you needed a fucking condom,” Luke said.

 

“Safety first?” Grizz said, a little guilty, “I didn’t realize I ran out, and it’s not like you were using them anyway.”

 

“Hey, I’m always prepared for if she decides she wants to do it,” Luke said, “and it doesn’t help that I’m not getting any while _you_ are _loudly_ having sex with your boyfriend at stupid o’clock in the morning.”

 

“We weren’t even loud,” Grizz said with a roll of his eyes.

 

“My bed is against the wall your bed is against. Remember that,” Luke said.

 

“Okay, sorry. I’ll be more mindful next time. Anyway,” Grizz changed the topic, “can I still borrow your car?”

 

“If it means you’re leaving and I can sleep again, then sure,” Luke nodded.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said with a smile. He couldn’t help but still be happy, despite his friend’s annoyance at him. Grizz had been having the time of his life for the past two weeks and being able to wake up with his boyfriend, and then go and talk to his best friend, instead of constantly walking on egg-shells around his mom and dad like he was so used to, was such a nice change and Grizz couldn’t help but be naturally happy for once in his damn life.

 

Luke went back into his room and came back to the door with his car keys, handing them to Grizz who took them gratefully.

 

“Thank you, you’re the best,” Grizz said.

 

“Remember that the next time your boy sleeps over. And by the way, my dad totally knows,” Luke said.

 

Grizz’s eyes bugged out, “he what?”

 

“He knows you have Sam over all the time. He asked me if you’re being safe,” Luke said.

 

“Oh God,” Grizz groaned, hitting his head against Luke’s doorframe, “why did he ask _you_ that?”

 

“He didn’t wanna bug you. He’s cool. It’s my mom you gotta look out for,” Luke said with a grin.

 

“I can never have Sam over again,” Grizz said quickly. He couldn’t, not if Luke’s dad knew what had been going on. Grizz thought he was being sneaky!

 

“How tragic,” Luke said sarcastically, “now go, I’m tired. And remember to pick Helena up on the way home.”

 

“You got it, bro,” Grizz said.

 

“Thanks, now go away,” Luke said, and then he swung the door shut.

 

Grizz twirled the keys on his finger before heading back down the hall to his room, where Sam was sitting on the bed, waiting.

 

‘Let’s go,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam smiled and got up, taking Grizz’s hand as the two left the room. Thankfully Luke’s parents were the type to sleep in on the weekend, so the boys got out of there undetected, or at least Grizz thought they were undetected. Who knew when it came to Luke’s dad? Apparently Grizz wasn’t as stealthy as he thought he was.

 

They got in Luke’s car and headed out down the road. As much as Grizz wanted to spend the entire day with Sam, he still wasn’t on board with having him meet his mom. Maybe one day things would be different and he could rebuild things with his mom to the point where he would want to introduce his boyfriend to her, but Grizz didn’t see that happening any time soon.

 

When Grizz pulled up outside Sam’s house, Sam took off his seatbelt before leaning over and catching Grizz’s lips in a quick goodbye kiss.

 

“I’ll see you later,” Sam said as he pulled away.

 

“I’m fucking nervous,” Grizz said, Sam’s eyes on his lips as always. Sam sighed, shaking his head and looking to Grizz’s eyes.

 

“You’ll be fine. They won’t bite. I promise,” Sam said.

 

“They might not like me though,” Grizz said.

 

“Impossible. You’ll be fine. I’ll see you at seven,” Sam said, and he placed another quick kiss to Grizz’s lips before he got out of the car and headed up to the house without looking back at Grizz.

 

Grizz was full of anxiety, but that wasn’t new. Sam’s parents really wanted to meet him, apparently, and Grizz wanted to meet them too, because to him, Sam was a lifetime thing, so of course he would have to meet the parents at some stage, but he was still nervous, and he knew why. He was sure they were going to hate him. He didn’t even have a reason for it. He didn’t even know exactly what kind of people they were, but he was afraid they could end up being like Campbell, and he wasn’t sure what to do if they were.

 

Grizz headed out again, driving to the address his mom had texted him. Finding Diana’s house was easy, because his mom was standing out the front on the side of the road, waiting for him. It was eight o’clock on the dot; exactly when Grizz had to pick her up.

 

“Hey,” he said as he got out of the car.

 

“Hi,” she said with a smile, “thanks for doing this. Diana had work today.”

 

“It’s okay,” Grizz said. He hauled her one suitcase into the backseat of his car. She was travelling light, considering she was permanently moving across the other side of the country. It wasn’t like she really had much, other than clothing. All her furniture remained at their old house, forever with Grizz’s dad now, and it wasn’t worth trying to get any of it from him.

 

The two got in the car and they headed off towards the city where the nearest airport was.

 

“How have you been?” his mom asked after they had been driving for about ten minutes in silence.

 

“Really good,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, it’s been great at Luke’s place. His parents are really nice,” Grizz said. It wasn’t supposed to be a comment against her. It just came out that way.

 

“That’s good,” she said, her voice cracking a little. It was just the truth though. Grizz wouldn’t lie about the fact that he had felt more safe with Luke’s family in those two weeks than he ever had been with his own parents in his entire life.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz nodded, “how have you been?”

 

“Getting there,” she shrugged. Grizz glanced at her, seeing her picking at the edges of the cast still on her arm.

 

“Have you heard from dad?” Grizz asked.

 

“He tried calling a lot but I blocked his number. Grandma has also arranged for a lawyer to help me with a divorce. Currently the only way he can contact me is through email,” she said. Glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the sadness written all over her face.

 

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, really, I am. I wish we were a perfect family,” Grizz told her.

 

“Me too, but…I’ve done a lot of thinking lately and I know I have to get as far away from him as possible,” she said.

 

It was a good feeling; knowing that she had taken the step to get out of there and was no longer in the way of danger. It was such a good feeling that Grizz wished Elle had taken the same route, instead, he saw her every day at school, clinging to Campbell’s side. And what was worse? She was wasting away again. She said it was going to be better, but it had been two weeks and Grizz barely ever saw her smile.

 

“I just hope you don’t have to see him around town,” his mom said.

 

“I won’t. He’s a drunk who will probably spend his days alone in that house,” Grizz said.

 

“Hopefully. Hopefully he doesn’t find some other poor woman,” she said. Of course, that was the concern. Grizz was repulsed by his dad in every way and he would like to think that no woman would ever go for him, but at the same time, it was a possibility. Here was hoping she didn’t have a gay kid.

 

“Is grandma picking you up on the other end?” Grizz changed the subject.

 

“Yeah, she’s actually really excited I’m coming home,” she said, sounding a bit cheerier.

 

“That’s good,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah.”

 

The two fell into an uncomfortable silence again as Grizz sped down the man high way towards the city. There wasn’t much Grizz really wanted to say to her, and he could feel nerves radiating from her, and Grizz didn’t blame her considering the last time they spoke properly Grizz was telling her he didn’t want her to be a part of his life. Where was there to go after that?

 

“Do you think there’s any chance we can regain some sort of relationship?” his mom asked after a long while of silence. They were almost at the airport, and Grizz didn’t really want to have that conversation. He had calmed down a lot lately. He wasn’t filled with as much anger as he had been, so perhaps there was hope.

 

“Let’s just start with being Facebook friends,” he offered.

 

She nodded, “we can do that, and maybe you could visit when Christmas comes around. Grandma would like that.”

 

“Maybe,” Grizz said, but he wanted to spend his first Christmas dating Sam _with_ Sam. There was no way he wouldn’t.

 

Their conversation ended, and it was awkward, really awkward, but that was a given. They got to the airport, taking a little longer than Grizz would have liked. He was kind of eager to get out of there. Being around his mom, even though he knew she wouldn’t hurt him, still had him on edge, like he had done something wrong. He didn’t like the feeling. It made him feel like a kid again.

 

Finally, Grizz pulled up to the drop off bay, parking his car at the airport’s domestic entrance.

 

“Thanks,” his mom said as she unclipped her seatbelt.

 

“You’re welcome,” Grizz said politely.

 

They got out of the car, and like the gentleman he tried to be, Grizz took his mom’s suitcase out of the back, setting it down beside her. She sighed as she took the handle, and looked back at Grizz, waiting for him to say something.

 

“Well, uh, have a nice flight,” Grizz said.

 

“Thank you,” she replied.

 

They both stood there, unmoving, because now what? This was goodbye, right? They might not ever see each other again. And it was going to end with ‘have a nice flight?’ His mom gave in on the stare-down first. She gave a sad smile before she turned and took a few steps towards the doors, and as she walked away, something pulled at Grizz’s heartstrings.

 

“Mom!” he called out without a second thought.

 

She stopped and turned. Feeling like he was once again a child, Grizz went up to his mom and pulled her into a hug. She was a little shocked at first, but quickly wrapped her arms around him too. He held her tightly as he closed his eyes, trying his hardest to suppress his emotions, because it was really fucking sad, right? This was his _mom_ and she was leaving and he knew that was the way it had to be, but God did he wish things were different.

 

Grizz pulled back, dropping his arms to his sides. He didn’t expect to feel that way. He thought he would feel nothing. He thought he would be relieved that she was out going to be out of his life, but he wasn’t. Maybe that meant there was hope that something could be salvaged.

 

“Love you,” he said quickly, dismissively, almost.

 

“I love you too,” she said in the kind voice he hadn’t heard since he was eight years old. Grizz didn’t believe the comment, but he nodded, accepting it anyway.

 

“Text me when you get to grandma’s,” he said.

 

“I will, promise,” she said.

 

That was enough. Grizz turned and got back in his car, using the excuse that it was a quick drop off bay, only to speed on out of there, leaving his mom behind. It was what was best for both of them.

 

\---

 

Grizz sat outside Sam’s house in Luke’s car that he had once again borrowed. He was really going to need to get a job to save up for his own before he went off to college. That was the least of his problems though. For now, he had to focus on meeting the parents. He had met plenty of parents before when he with girls, but he never actually liked the girls so impressing parents wasn’t at the top of his to-do list. This was so much different.

 

Grizz checked his hair in the mirror, making sure it wasn’t a mess and didn’t make him look like some kind of grungy crack-head. He looked nice, he thought. Presentable, at least. He was dressed in khaki, fucking _khaki,_ dress pants and a dark blue button-up. Surely he looked like a respectable enough young man that was worthy of dating their son, right? Who knew?

 

He picked up the bouquet of sunflowers he bought on his way there, because he googled it and apparently that was a thing people did when meeting parents. He got out of the car and started on the longer than ever journey up to Sam’s house. Usually he would just text Sam and he would come for him, but that night he knocked on the door like he was supposed to, and waited.

 

A woman opened the door not even five seconds later. He had seen her before, around town, and knew she worked as a teacher at the local elementary school. She was stunning, with jet black hair, and looking into her deep blue eyes, Grizz saw where Sam had got his from.

 

“Mrs. Eliot, hello,” Grizz greeted her.

 

“Oh please, call me Catherine. You must be Grizz,” she said with a warm smile.

 

“That’s me, uh, these are for you,” he said and handed her the flowers. She took them, her eyes lighting up. Thank you, Google.

 

“Oh, they’re lovely, thank you. You didn’t have to do that,” she said.  

 

Grizz shrugged and nervously shoved his hands into his pockets.

 

“Come on in, dinner is just about ready,” she said, stepping to the side.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz nodded, and bowed. He _bowed_? What the fuck? He stood up straight, hoping she hadn’t noticed, and went inside. He had been there many times before, but with Sam’s parents there it felt as though it was the first time. Sam had been waiting for Grizz, off to the side.

 

“Hey,” Grizz waved to him.

 

Sam gave him a nervous smile, and well, at least Grizz wasn’t the only one. Grizz didn’t know what to do? Kiss him? Hug him? What was appropriate? He had no clue, but thankfully Sam came up and hugged him. There wasn’t a kiss though. That was fine with Grizz. He wasn’t too comfortable with doing that in front of his parents anyway.

 

“I’m going to put these in a vase and serve up dinner. Join us when you’re ready,” Catherine said with her eyes fixated on the flowers, admiring them. She walked off, giving Sam and Grizz a moment alone.

 

“Fuck I’m nervous,” Grizz said to Sam.

 

“You’ll be fine,” Sam assured, but even he still looked worried.

 

“Why are you so nervous? They’re _your_ parents,” Grizz asked.

 

“Uhm…Campbell and Elle are here,” Sam said.

 

Grizz blinked a few times in surprise, because, well, he was surprised. As far as he was aware, it was only supposed to be the two of them plus Sam’s parents.

 

“Uh…why?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t even know until like ten minutes ago. My mom said it would be nice to have everyone together,” he explained. Grizz’s nerves were replaced with annoyance; not at Sam, but at having to spend an evening with his brother.

 

“How am I supposed to be civil with him for an entire night?” Grizz asked.

 

“If you want to be with me you’ll have to get used to it,” Sam said, maybe even a little bossily, and Grizz supposed he was right. There would be many holidays and many family dinners that he would be required to go to, and unfortunately, Campbell was a part of that.

 

“I know,” Grizz gave in.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said with a little pout.

 

“It’s okay. Not your fault,” Grizz said, and while he still had Sam alone, he leant in, giving him a kiss. Sam smiled into it before pulling away and glancing to the entrance to the dining area and kitchen.

 

“Let’s go,” Sam said before taking Grizz’s hand. He led them both to the kitchen and dining room. Catherine was busy finishing up whatever it was she was cooking. At the dining table was Sam’s dad sitting at one end, plus Campbell and Elle sitting together on one side.

 

“Grizz!” Campbell said in a fake excitement that only Grizz would pick up on, “you made it!”

 

“Yeah,” Grizz said, looking away from him, not engaging with him any further. He let go of Sam’s hand and went over to Sam’s dad who was eyeing him up and down.

 

“Mr. Eliot, hello, I’m Grizz,” Grizz said, extending his hand.

 

“Grizz, funny name,” Mr. Eliot said but took Grizz’s hand anyway, shaking it firmly.

 

“It’s Gareth, actually, but everyone calls me Grizz,” Grizz explained.

 

“Fair enough. Jack,” the man said his own name as he dropped his hand.

 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Grizz said.

 

“Isn’t it just?” Campbell said sarcastically.

 

“Campbell,” Jack warned. And maybe, just maybe they weren’t as blind to Campbell’s attitude as a lot of others were. Grizz had this image in his head of Sam’s parents, thinking they were completely oblivious to what their son was like, but how could someone live in the same house as another person and not have any idea of the type of person they are?

 

“Take a seat,” Jack gestured to the two empty seats. Grizz took the one closest to Sam’s dad and across from Campbell, unwillingly, of course. He glanced up at Elle who was as quiet as a mouse.

 

As Catherine dished up dinner, Grizz tried to remember what Sam said about his family; that they were a little more reserved than most, but not in a bad way. They were just quiet, Grizz supposed, and polite. But they were accepting of Sam, and loving, so that was good.

 

“It smells delicious,” Grizz said as he looked down at the steak and vegetables in front of him.

 

“Hopefully it tastes just as good,” Catherine said as she took her seat at the opposite end of the table to her husband.

 

“I’m sure it will, Cat,” Jack said.

 

She smiled before looking to Grizz with a warm smile, “so, we finally get to meet the elusive boyfriend.”

 

“Right, yeah, I mean, it’s about time,” Grizz said, and he didn’t really know what else to say. Sam’s eyes were on him, watching his lips, but he glanced at everyone around the table to were all signing quickly as they spoke. Grizz felt a little bad that he wasn’t fluent like them, but he was still working on it.

 

“What took so long?” Jack asked, his voice a little harder than Catherine’s.

 

“I told you already, dad,” Sam said. His dad signed something Grizz didn’t quite catch, and Sam just waved his hand dismissively. Suddenly Grizz had a bit of an insight of what Sam felt when he couldn’t understand what was going on.

 

“Uh,” Grizz started, “I wanted to meet you both, really, but my parents...”

 

“Right, _that_ phone call,” Jack laughed.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Grizz said quickly, “I honestly never thought he would do that.”

 

“It’s fine. You can’t help what someone else does,” Jack said.

 

“But, you’re homeless now, aren’t you, Grizz?” Campbell chimed in. Grizz refrained from shooting a glare his way.

 

“Not homeless, no. I’m staying with my friend, Luke Holbrook,” Grizz said.

 

“That’s Dr. Holbrook’s son?” Jack asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz nodded.

 

“Good family,” Jack said simply.

 

“They are. They’ve been really good to me,” Grizz said.

 

The others had all started eating and Grizz had been so nervous he hadn’t, so he quickly got to it, not wanting to seem rude.

 

“So, Sam hasn’t told us a whole lot about you. How did you two get together?” Catherine asked.

 

Grizz looked to Sam who turned to him and nodded encouragingly, mischievous Grin on his face and Grizz went red, thinking of how they did get together, and how much Sam just _loved_ the story.

 

“Uh, it’s sort of funny, really. I, uhm, pretended I wanted to learn sign language to talk to a cousin I made up, so I’d have a reason to talk to Sam, and it just went from there, I guess,” Grizz told them.

 

“Smooth,” Jack said, looking impressed.

 

“I think we have a winner here,” Catherine said, beaming.

 

“Naw, how cute,” Campbell said, smiling wide. Grizz looked at him, eyes challenging, a silent conversation going on between the two. Grizz wondered what the fuck Campbell was playing at here. Why was he there at dinner? Why was he pretending to be so nice, while at the same time behind the mask Grizz could clearly see the jackass.

 

The conversation went on, covering all the usual things parents wanted to ask their kid’s boyfriend or girlfriend. The moment they got onto football Grizz praised the lords above that it was common ground with Jack and they went on a tangent talking about it. The dinner actually wasn’t too bad. Grizz liked Sam’s parents. They were nice, and they seemed to like him back.

 

“Graduation is coming up very soon for you and Campbell,” Jack said. Dinner had long been over, but they all stayed at the table as the conversation went on.

 

“Yeah, it’s crazy. It doesn’t really feel like high school is over,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re going away, aren’t you, Grizz?” Campbell asked. Again, there was that twinkle in his eye, and it had Grizz going a little crazy, because it was a harmless enough question, but he knew Campbell had ulterior motives. He _always_ had ulterior motives.

 

“Yeah, I’m going to Duke, actually,” Grizz answered.

 

“Duke, that’s a fair way away,” Catherine said.

 

“It is, but I’ve always wanted to go interstate for college,” Grizz said.

 

“What will happen to you and Sam?” Jack asked.

 

“Yeah, what will happen?” Campbell asked, not masking how much he was enjoying Grizz being put on the spot.

 

“Campbell,” Jack scolded.

 

“It’s okay,” Grizz said, “uh, Sam and I have talked about it, and we’re on the same page. I want to be with him and distance won’t stop that.”

 

“What about you, Sam?” Jack asked as he signed, “are you okay with Grizz going away?”

 

“We’ll make it work. It’s not forever,” Sam said.

 

“Is that why you started looking at colleges in North Carolina?” Jack asked.

 

“You know I don’t care what college I go to. It just makes sense to pick somewhere close,” Sam said.

 

“Sounds to me like Sammy is making all the sacrifices while Grizz does nothing,” Campbell said.

 

“It’s not like that,” Grizz shot back, losing his cool for a moment, because Campbell had been making these little comments all night, taunting him.

 

“A year is a long time, you know? What is dear Sam gonna do without you around?” Campbell asked, “I mean, I think we’re all gonna miss you, right, Elle?”

 

There was a threat in his tone. Grizz could hear it. He could see it in Campbell’s eyes, and Grizz hadn’t thought much about that; about how he would be gone and not able to protect Elle and Sam, and that scared him. As Campbell watched him, Grizz felt himself crumbling. He had been putting on a happy face all night, pretending that he was friends with Campbell, pretending that everything was alright, but it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

 

Grizz looked to Sam, their eyes connecting as Grizz shot him an apologetic look. “I can’t do this,” Grizz whispered. He knew he was about to blow things up, but he was at his wits end.

 

Grizz turned back to Jack, glancing between him and Catherine, “I wanted to meet you guys really badly. I want to be part of this family because I love Sam, but I can’t sit by and watch this happen.”

 

“Watch what happen?” Jack asked.

 

“Grizz, don’t,” Sam warned. And Grizz should have listened, because the conversation he was about to have would have repercussions that he could have never imagined.

 

“I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know who else to go to, but Campbell is right, I won’t be here to look after Sam or Elle, and that concerns me,” Grizz said.

 

“Watch it, Grizz. Don’t do anything you might regret,” Campbell said through gritted teeth.

 

“See there, right there…Mr. and Mrs. Eliot, I know that you probably see your son as perfect, and that he could never harm a soul, but I’ve seen this other side of him and I’m worried for Sam and I’m worried for Elle,” Grizz said desperately. It was just like being back in the guidance counselor’s office, only that time, Grizz prayed someone would believe him.  

 

“What are you talking about?” Catherine asked.

 

Grizz looked to Sam who had never been more disappointed in Grizz before. It hurt Grizz’s heart to see him looking at him like that, but at the same time, there was no way Grizz could leave for college and not have someone know the full story with Campbell and Elle. This was more than Sam being angry with him. This was Elle’s life, maybe even Sam’s. Grizz didn’t trust Campbell for a second. He was dangerous, and while Grizz wasn’t scared of him himself, he was scared of what he could do to others.

 

“For…I don’t even know how long, he’s been hurting her,” Grizz said.

 

“What do you mean?” Jack asked.

 

“He hurts her, physically, mentally. I’ve seen bruises all over her body,” Grizz said.

 

“Are you serious?” Campbell asked, sitting forward, “where are you getting this from, Grizz?”

 

Grizz ignored him, going on, “I know he’s going to deny it and I know she will too because she’s scared, and I’m going to be made out to be the crazy one, just like I was when I went to the guidance counselors.”

 

“This is insane,” Campbell laughed manically.

 

“Campbell,” Jack snapped, his expression hard. He looked back to Grizz, “what else?”

 

There it was; hope. Hope that someone might believe him, even just a little bit. That was all Grizz needed; a seed of doubt to be planted so someone would always been keeping an eye on him.

 

“He’s threatened me, he’s threatened Sam. He broke us up once before because he was mad at me for getting in the way of him and Elle,” Grizz said.

 

Jack looked to Sam and signed something that Grizz understood as ‘is this true?’ Sam sighed deeply, but nodded, backing Grizz up.

 

“This is bullshit. All of this is bullshit. Both of them hate me, they always have and they’re making this shit up,” Campbell argued.

 

“I wish I was, I really do. I just can’t leave town knowing that he’s hurting her,” Grizz said.

 

“This is ridiculous,” Catherine said dismissively.

 

“Is it?” Jack answered. Campbell looked at his father with pure hatred before he abruptly stood, toppling his chair over.

 

“Fuck you all!” Campbell shouted, and glared at Grizz, “and you? Grizz? You’re gonna fucking regret ever crossing me.”

 

“Campbell! That will be enough!” Jack boomed.

 

“Oh, fuck you!” Campbell said, throwing a proper tantrum. He took Elle by the arm, roughly pulling her up, not helping his argument at all. He left the house, slamming the door shut and they all sat there in silence as they heard a car start and drive away.

 

“I’m sorry. Someone had to know,” Grizz said in a soft voice.

 

It was still so quiet. Grizz looked to Sam who wouldn’t even look at him. He was mad, Grizz knew that. He didn’t really blame him for that. Grizz had ruined dinner, that was for sure, but it had to be done. Catherine stood, throwing her napkin on the table before leaving the room without another word. That left Grizz with Sam and Jack.

 

“Tell me everything,” Jack requested, and Grizz did, telling him absolutely everything, and Jack just listened, taking it all in, not showing any signs of if he believed Grizz or not, but he _had_ to believe Grizz. Why would Grizz make any of this up?

 

“How am I supposed to know if this is true or not?” Jack asked.

 

“You don’t have to believe me, you just have to keep an eye on her, and on Sam, because I’m worried that if I leave, he could do something to them and no one will know. And she won’t tell anyone so I know there’s nothing we can do, but…someone has to look out for her,” Grizz pleaded.

 

Jack nodded his head slowly, and Grizz wondered if he himself had clued in to what had been going on, if he had some sort of an idea before all of this happened. Jack got Sam’s attention and signed as he spoke.

 

“Is it true? Do you think Campbell is hurting Elle?” Jack asked his son.

 

Sam stood, his chair screeching on the tiles below. Grizz looked up at him and his steely expression before he nodded, “I know he is.”

 

Without another word Sam left the same way Campbell had gone; slamming the front door shut as well. Grizz flinched, knowing he would have a lot of smoothing over to do, but Sam couldn’t be angry at him for telling the truth. Grizz didn’t know how Sam was so comfortable with just sitting by and letting Campbell get away with everything.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Grizz said to Jack.

 

“I have to admit, I didn’t think meeting Sam’s boyfriend for the first time would end like this,” Jack said, no humor in his voice at all.

 

“I didn’t think it would either. I’m not…I’m not usually like this. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to say bad things about Campbell but I also can’t sit by and watch anymore,” Grizz said.  

 

Jack nodded, “I think it’s best you leave for tonight.”

 

Grizz agreed. He said his piece. He laid it all out there. He had done everything in his power to alert people of who Campbell really was. Grizz got up as he was told to, and he left the house. Grizz was sure Catherine hated him. Jack, maybe not as much. Grizz’s heart was racing. He had no intentions of doing that, but Campbell just had a way of setting him off sometimes.

 

Sam was standing at Luke’s car as he got to it, arms crossed over his chest as he waited. Grizz unlocked the doors and Sam got in, slamming the door. Grizz sighed, going to the driver’s side. He got in, and Sam turned on the interior light so they could talk.

 

“What the fuck was that?!” Sam asked. Yeah, he was pissed, really pissed.

 

“I’m sorry I ruined dinner, but someone had to tell them,” Grizz said.

 

“You think they don’t know he’s a fucking psycho? You think you can walk in there and tell them what’s up and that be the end of it?” Sam asked.

 

“Why are you so mad at me, Sam?” Grizz asked. He wasn’t going to back down. He didn’t care what Sam said. That was the right thing to do.

 

“Because things have been good. They’ve been fine. Campbell stays out of our way and we stay out of his. And now you’re just rocking the boat, and for what?” Sam asked.

 

“For Elle. My dad put my mom in hospital a couple of weeks ago. Do you want that to be Elle?” Grizz asked.

 

“Of course I don’t! But you don’t know what you’ve done now,” Sam said.

 

“I’ve opened up your parent’s eyes so maybe they can help her. I can’t handle this on my own,” Grizz said. He was on the verge of either crying, having a panic attack or yelling at Sam. He didn’t know which. He just knew that his frustration was building. He hated arguing with Sam, but he felt so passionately about this.

 

“You never had to, Grizz. She doesn’t want help. And now Campbell-“

 

“What?”

 

“I’m scared of him, okay? Did you see the way he was looking at you? I don’t want you in any danger,” Sam said, his eyes desperate.

 

“I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself,” Grizz said adamantly.

 

“No…you keep putting yourself in these situations, and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have you anywhere near him,” Sam said.

 

“Then I won’t go near him.”

 

“As long as we’re together, he’s always going to be messing with us, and you’re always going to be messing with him,” Sam said.

 

“It’ll be fine,” Grizz assured him. Grizz could handle Campbell.

 

“No, Grizz. It won’t be. I fucking told you not to get involved with him, and if that wasn’t enough then maybe we need to take a step back from each other,” Sam blurted out.

 

Grizz went silent for a moment as he took in Sam’s words. Did he mean what Grizz thought meant?

 

“What? You’re breaking up with me again because of him?” Sam asked.

 

“No, I’m not,” Sam sighed, “but maybe we need a break, just a break until what you caused in there blows over.”

 

“So, you invite me over to meet your parents and then pull this bullshit?” Grizz asked, and yeah, he was fucking mad. It almost killed Grizz the first time Sam broke up with him because of Campbell, and even though Sam said that wasn’t what was happening, it still felt like it.

 

“Yeah, I did invite you over, for a nice family dinner, and you went after Campbell again, after I begged you not to. You need to stay away from him and if you won’t then I’ll make you,” Sam argued.

 

“You’re serious?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yes,” Sam nodded.

 

Grizz was furious, but at the same time he almost wanted to laugh.

 

“Fine, you want space, let’s have space. Get out,” Grizz pointed back to the house.

 

Sam watched him, not backing down. Grizz half expected Sam to take it back, but he didn’t. He got out of the car, slamming the door and marching back up to the house. Not wanting to be there anymore, Grizz started the car up and sped away, heading back to Luke’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes another chapter this weekend! Yay! That being said though, I'm gonna focus on Bros With Benefits this week because I want to get out a few chapters so the timelines match up and I've been neglecting that story, so chances are this one won't be updated for like a week. Sorry! But at least there should be Jason/Clark goodness lol. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	47. Squish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 46 recap (detailed because I haven’t updated in a while!): Everything was all happy days for Sam and Grizz. Grizz had been living with Luke for a few weeks. He took his mom to the airport because she is going back to live with her parents to get away from Grizz’s dad. Grizz met Sam’s parents during a family dinner but Campbell and Elle were there too. Everything was fine until Campbell started pushing Grizz’s buttons and Grizz decided he couldn’t be silent anymore and he told Sam’s parents about everything that Campbell had done. Campbell was mad. Campbell’s mom was mad. The dad wasn’t. He kind of believed Grizz. Sam was REALLY MAD. Sam and Grizz had a fight after because Sam doesn’t want Grizz getting involved with Campbell because he’s dangerous. Sam ended up telling Grizz they need to go on a break because Grizz won’t stay away from Campbell. Grizz was mad and made Sam get out of his car and left. So they’re “on a break”.
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: VIOLENCE. MANY VIOLENCE. Please read end of notes if you want more detailed warnings if you wanna be prepared/if this stuff gives you anxiety. This will include major spoilers though!!

Grizz lay on his bed, staring at his phone as if Sam was going to message him out of nowhere. They hadn’t spoken since the night before where Grizz had met Sam’s parents and turned the night into a disaster by telling them the truth about Campbell. Grizz was still mad about the fight they had, but more than anything he was worried.

 

Grizz stood by what he did. People had to know about Campbell, but there was a hint of regret seeping into his mind, because what would happen now? He hadn’t heard from Sam at all and he was worried something could happen with Campbell, but he didn’t know if that was just his anxiety talking. He ran through every scenario in his mind. Yes, Campbell was pissed, but he wouldn’t actually do anything, would he? He was filled with empty threats.

 

Grizz sighed as he opened his messages to Sam. The fight was awful. Grizz felt terrible about it, but not terrible enough to feel like he was in the wrong. He just hated fighting with Sam, and while they were technically on a break, it didn’t feel like the end to Grizz. Although, there was that nagging voice in his head that kept saying _‘but what if it is?’_ It was the voice that made Grizz send Sam a text.

 

 **Can we talk?** – Grizz.

 

Grizz stared at his phone for a minute, which turned into five, which turned into ten, and Sam hadn’t even read the message. He usually read them and replied straight away. Maybe he was busy or didn’t have his phone on him.

 

Grizz heart leapt into his throat when he heard a knock on the front door downstairs. Luke’s parents weren’t home, and neither was Luke. Grizz jumped up and ran from his room. He took the steps two at a time before swinging the door open and revealing…Clark.

 

“What are you doing here?” Grizz frowned.

 

“You told me to come over?” Clark questioned, “you’re helping me with my resumé?”

 

 Grizz had been so focused on the drama going on in his own life that he forgot he had promised this days ago with Clark.

 

“Oh, right. Fuck, sorry. Come in,” Grizz stood to the side. Clark gave a small smile before he stepped over the threshold. Grizz swung the door shut and the two headed upstairs.

 

“Is Luke here?” Clark asked.

 

“No, he’s out with Helena,” Grizz said.

 

They went into his room and Grizz turned to Clark. “How’s things?” Grizz asked.

 

There was a lot more meaning behind the question. Clark’s love like was all over the place, from what Grizz could tell, and the last time they spoke alone, Clark wasn’t doing too well. He had a boyfriend, his first ever boyfriend. This guy, Justin, had dated him for a few weeks. Grizz didn’t know a whole lot about him and never met him. He just knew that Clark liked him a lot and was texting him all the time, but a few nights ago Justin had broken up with him over the phone. Grizz had sent Jason after him when he went off by himself, and he hoped that was a good idea because, well, the Jason and Clark drama was a whole other story.

 

“Don’t even ask. Let’s just do this,” Clark said. He went over to Grizz’s bed and sat on it. Respecting Clark’s wishes not to talk about Justin, Grizz picked his laptop up off his desk and joined Clark on the bed, sitting side by side against the headboard.

 

“Okay. You need two things, really. A good cover letter to give off a good impression, and making the few jobs you had sound way more important than they were,” Grizz said.  

 

“How?”

 

“Like, you were a lifeguard with me one Summer, so we list your skills as…responsible for the lives of others. Vigilant. First aid trained. Shit like that,” Grizz shrugged. He bullshitted his way through his own resumé as well.

 

“Can you just do the whole thing? You’re smarter than me,” Clark groaned. He pouted, giving Grizz his best puppy dog eyes.

 

Grizz just rolled his eyes but opened a new word document and got to work. He wasn’t really in the mood for doing this. There was too much on his mind, but he decided a distraction might be good, and he promised Clark to help.

 

Wanting to get the job over with as quickly as possible, Grizz pretty much did the entire thing himself like Clark asked him to, with Clark just giving him a few details on the way. Clark was like a child though. He got bored and distracted. He ended up noisily playing a game on his phone, before getting bored with that and leaning against Grizz, watching him type, and picking up on y accidental typo.

 

“You’re not helping,” Grizz sighed.

 

“I’m proof reading,” Clark said.

 

“I fix mistakes as I go,” Grizz said.

 

Clark dropped it, but he didn’t stop being annoying. He rested his head on Grizz’s shoulder, nudging him impatiently.

 

“Are you done yet, I’m bored,” Clark said.

 

“Almost. Stop it,” Grizz pushed him away.

 

“Do people even read these?” Clark asked.

 

“Probably,” Grizz mumbled, “I put my resume in everywhere in town and haven’t heard back from anyone yet.”

 

“Why are you getting a job when you’re leaving soon?” Clark asked.

 

“Need something just for the summer. I need to try and save up for a car or I’m fucked once I go to college,” Grizz told him.

 

“I wish you weren’t leaving. Everyone’s fucking going,” Clark muttered.

 

Grizz looked to him, seeing the pout there once more. Deciding that he too was bored with the resumé, Grizz decided to bring up something he had been wondering for weeks, and it was the perfect Segway.

 

“Jason will still be here with you,” he said.

 

Clark scoffed, “don’t even get me started.”

 

Oh, Grizz was getting started alright. He was sick of the two of them awkwardly sitting at opposite ends of their lunch table and glancing at each other until the other looked up, and then looking away. He was sick of them not talking. He was sick of not _knowing_ , and maybe Grizz had spent too much time with Gwen and had become a gossip himself, but he really fucking wanted to know, so he set the laptop on the mattress beside him and gave his full attention to Clark.

 

“Alright, real talk. What the fuck is going on with you two?” Grizz asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Grizz just kept looking at him. Nothing? _Nothing_ was bullshit.

 

“I don’t fucking know,” Clark gave in.

 

“You’ve barely told me anything. I know you guys were hooking up and then you just…weren’t. What happened?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, we were hooking up, and it was all cool, but then one day he just decided he wanted to get back with Erica, which was like…okay, whatever. I never thought we would be hooking up forever. And then, I met Justin, and Jason just, like…hated the guy,” Clark said.

 

“So, he was jealous,” Grizz interjected.

 

“What? No, he just hated everything about him and we would fight over it and-“

 

“He was jealous,” Grizz concluded.

 

“He had Erica though,” Clark said cluelessly. That was why Grizz had to get it out of him, because Clark was so oblivious in his own naïve way. The boy needed help.

 

“He had Erica because he was freaking out about liking you,” Grizz said. He was sure of it. There was no way all those looks across the table were for nothing. Jason had been with Erica but his attention was _always_ on Clark. Clark just looked confused.

 

“He kissed me before,” Clark said out of nowhere. Jesus Christ, when did it ever end for these two?

 

“When?” Grizz asked.

 

“Like an hour ago,” Clark said.

 

“Okay…and…”

 

“I’m so confused,” Clark whined.

 

“Why? You like him, right?” Grizz asked. Clark didn’t say anything, which meant yes.

 

“And he likes you?” Grizz went on.

 

Clark nodded slowly. “I think. I mean, he admitted it, but I don’t know if he just likes me because he wants to hook up, and that’s it. He doesn’t date guys, Grizz. He told me that. He hooks up with guys and dates girls.”

 

“Maybe he’s realizing he might want to date _you_ ,” Grizz said. It was so obvious. Grizz didn’t understand how Clark couldn’t see it.

 

“I don’t think I can do it,” Clark said.

 

“Why not? You and Jason are perfect for each other,” Grizz said, meaning that with all of his heart.

 

“No, I mean, I don’t think I can date someone just to have them break up with me for the same reasons Justin and Gwen broke up with me,” Clark said.  

 

“Jason’s not like that,” Grizz assured him.

 

“What if he is?”

 

“Isn’t it worth the risk?” Grizz asked.

 

Clark sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “it’s so easy for you. You and Sam are like the perfect couple.”

 

“Me and Sam broke up last night,” Grizz blurted out. He didn’t really mean to say that. He kind of just wanted to win an argument.  

 

“What?!” Clark shouted, his eyes bugging out.

 

Grizz backtracked, “it wasn’t really a break up.”

 

“Dude, what the fuck? What happened?” Clark asked.

 

Grizz would usually just talk to Luke about this, but he had seen Luke for a total of thirty seconds that morning, and it was kind of killing Grizz having everything bottled up, and well, Clark had been honest with him so…

 

“We had a fight last night and he said we needed a break, that we needed space,” Grizz said.

 

“Shit. What was the fight about?” he asked.

 

“Campbell.”

 

“Why would you let that fucker get between you two?” Clark asked, eyes narrowing in confusion.

 

 “Because…because I met his parents last night and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut,” Grizz told him.

 

“About?”

 

“About…him abusing Elle,” Grizz said. He eyed Clark carefully, wondering if he should go on or not. He needed validation. He needed to know that he did the right thing. Maybe an outsider’s perspective would be good.

 

 “What are you talking about?” Clark asked.

 

 “He’s been hurting her for months,” Grizz admitted.

 

“What the fuck? Why haven’t you told anyone?” he asked angrily.

 

“She kept denying it, and I thought we got her away from him. Like those few weeks she was hanging out with us a lot, but then she just went back, and I told the guidance counselor and Mr. Harris. They didn’t believe me because she just denied it. So, I had to tell Campbell’s parents, right? Someone’s gotta do something about this, you know?” Grizz said, and he was trying so hard to be confident, but doubt was seeping in.

 

“Well shit, no wonder you two hate each other,” Clark said.

 

“Yeah, he thinks I’m getting in the way, which I guess I am but, like, I can’t just watch her get hurt, you know. Who’s next? Sam?” Grizz said, and the thought made him sick to his stomach.

 

“Fuck, so you told his parents and Sam’s mad at you because?” Clark looked confused once more.

 

“Because he thinks I keep starting shit. He told me to keep out of it but I couldn’t. I just don’t understand how he’s okay with sitting by and letting Campbell do this shit,” Grizz said.

 

Clark hummed thoughtfully, looking off into the distance.

 

“What is it?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t know, maybe he’s scared of him. He’s the one that has to live with him,” Clark said. Grizz knew he had a point, and it was the point that had him having an internal battle all day.

 

“Maybe… I’m in the right though, aren’t I? I had to say something, right?” Grizz asked.

 

“Of course, bro. He can’t just get away with it if he is hurting her,” Clark said.

 

“Thank you,” Grizz said in relief, “I just hope Sam doesn’t stay mad for too long.”

 

“You haven’t spoken since?” he asked.

 

“Nope. Not a single text,” Grizz said.

 

“Did you text him?” Clark asked.

 

“Yeah, just before you got here. No reply,” Grizz said.

 

“Maybe you should just go over there,” Clark suggested.

 

Grizz shook his head. He didn’t really want to talk about it anymore. He would just have to wait for Sam to reply to his text and go from there.

 

“Let’s just finish this off,” Grizz brought his laptop back to his lap and kept at it.

 

“This is fucking boring,” Clark said.

 

“Do you want a job or not?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’ll probably just end up, like, mopping floors or some shit for the rest of my life. Not much else I can do,” Clark grumbled.

 

“First of all, that’s an honest living. Second, bullshit, you know you’ve got options,” Grizz said.

 

“ _That’s_ bullshit,” Clark countered, “it’s not like I’m gonna be a rocket scientist.”

 

“There’s a lot of jobs out there you don’t need a brain for,” Grizz said.

 

Clark groaned dramatically and lay down on his back. Grizz ignored him and continued what he was doing instead. He was almost done. He had to just read through everything and make sure it was okay. After a few minutes, Grizz figured it was good enough.

 

“I think I’m done,” Grizz said.

 

“Really?” Clark asked, completely uninterested. Grizz would have been offended in his lack of interest if, well, he wasn’t totally used to this side of Clark.

 

“Yeah, if this doesn’t get you a job then, I dunno, find yourself a sugar mommy or daddy,” Grizz joked.

 

“That’s not actually a bad idea…” Clark pondered.

 

“I wasn’t being serious,” Grizz hit his shoulder.

 

 “Well, I am. There’s gotta be some old dude or chick around here who’s rich and wants a boy-toy, right?” Clark said.

 

“Jason’s older than you,” Grizz said with a teasing grin.

 

“By two and a half months. And shut up,” Clark snapped.

 

Grizz just laughed as he closed his laptop and set it to the side. He lay next to Clark, stretching out his stiff muscles. He yawned, exhausted from what little brain power he had used that afternoon. He took his phone from his pocket and checked his messages. The one to Sam was still unread.

 

“Do you think me and Jason would fuck up our friendship if we tried dating and it didn’t work?” Clark asked. Grizz set his phone on his stomach and looked to his friend who was looking back at him.

 

“I think at this point you’d fuck up your friendship if you _didn’t_ date,” Grizz said.

 

Clark sighed, looking away from him. Grizz knew this would happen. He didn’t want to say ‘I told you so’, but it was awfully tempting. He told Clark _not_ to hook up with Jason because things would get messy, and that was exactly what had happened.  

 

“Can I ask you something?” Clark asked. He rolled onto his stomach so he could look at Grizz better.

 

“Shoot.”

 

“If Sam wasn’t around, and I didn’t have this thing with Jason…would you have dated me?” Clark asked.

 

That was quite a question. Grizz had always been a bit worried that Clark still had some kind of feelings towards him. He hadn’t really acted that way over the past month or so and Grizz figured he had moved on, but the question had him a bit concerned, and he wasn’t quite sure how to answer it. He pictured the scenario; if Sam and Jason didn’t exist. In all honesty, he found Clark attractive and if things were different, he probably would hook up with him, but he couldn’t see it going beyond that. He didn’t want to say that and hurt Clark’s feelings, but he also didn’t want to encourage him by saying yes.

 

“I’d never date a friend,” Grizz settled on saying.

 

“And yet you think me and Jason should date,” Clark said accusingly.

 

“You’re the exception,” Grizz told him, and that was the truth. The more Grizz thought about it, the more he realized that Jason and Clark were literally perfect for each other.

 

“You’re a hypocrite,” Clark said.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and looked to the ceiling. How did the two of them both end up in such a mess? How did they both end up with such a mess. Dating shouldn’t be this hard, right? Especially at their ages.

 

“I hope things work out with you and Sam,” Clark said. Grizz looked to him, seeing the honesty in his eyes.

 

“Me too. Hope things work out with you and Jason,” Grizz said.

 

“Me too.”

 

The two smiled at each other, and it was a content sort of feeling that Grizz had. He hoped the two of them could, or Clark specifically, could close the chapter between the two, because if Clark kept liking him it would only make things awkward, but Grizz was pretty sure Clark and Jason were endgame. If only the two could see it.

 

Grizz’s phone dinged, making them both jump. Grizz’s heart rate picked up in an instant in the hopes that it could be Sam. It wasn’t Sam though.

 

 **C hurt s at eliots**. – Elle.

 

That was it. It wasn’t a proper sentence and to anyone else it wouldn’t make any sense, but it made perfect sense to Grizz. He sat up so fast his head spun. He clutched his phone, palms sweating, heart racing.

 

“What’s wrong?” Clark asked.

 

“I need your car,” Grizz said quickly.

 

He tossed his phone to Clark as he launched himself from the bed and grabbed his shoes, shoving them on his feet.

 

“C hurt s at eliots?” Clark asked.

 

“Campbell hurt Sam at the Eliot’s house. Let’s go!” Grizz urged.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Grizz was already running from his room and the house, with Clark hot on his trail. A million things ran through Grizz’s head, and he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. He didn’t want to think of the worst case scenario. He just needed to be at Sam’s house to make sure he was okay.

 

“Give me your keys. I’ll go,” Grizz said when they got to Clark’s car.

 

“Fuck off, you aren’t going alone,” Clark argued.

 

Grizz didn’t have time to protest or think about how he didn’t want Clark involved. They got in the car and Clark sped off down the street. Grizz’s hands were shaking. Clark had given him back his phone, and he quickly sent out a text to Sam.

 

 **Are you okay? Elle texted Campbell hurt you?** – Grizz.

 

Grizz stared at his phone, waiting anxiously for the read receipt that would come.

 

“What the hell are we going to walk into, Grizz?” Clark asked.

 

“I don’t know. You don’t have to come inside,” Grizz said.

 

Clark ignored that, and Grizz felt stupid for even saying it, because of course Clark was going to come in. He would always back him up, and Grizz might need him more than he thought, especially since he was on the verge of a panic attack.

 

Campbell hurt Sam. The text was so quick, almost in code. Maybe Campbell was around and she didn’t have time. Was he hurting her too? What the _fuck_ happened? How badly was Sam hurt? Grizz wanted to call Elle, but he didn’t want to risk Campbell seeing and making it worse.

 

“Should we call the police?” Clark asked.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what he’s done. He could’ve just punched him or something. I don’t know,” Grizz said quickly. The thought of Campbell laying his hands on Sam made him sick, but Grizz was praying for whatever happened to be something as simple as a punch.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll go, everything will be cool, okay?” Clark tried to reassure him, but it wasn’t working.

 

“I’m gonna fuckin kill him if he did anything to him,” Grizz said. He had never been more sure of anything in his life.

 

Clark was speeding through the streets. Neither cared if the cops chased them. This was an emergency. Grizz looked at his phone. There was no reply. It had only been a couple of minutes.

 

It didn’t take them long to get there. Before Clark had even stopped, Grizz was out of the car and bolting to the front door. He tried the handle, but it was locked. He cursed as he dashed over to the gnome and found the spare key. He hastily unlocked the door and then he, along with Clark, ran up the stairs and down the hall to Sam’s room.

 

Grizz stopped in front of the door, hesitating. He was preparing himself to see the worst. Part of him wanted to run, but if something had happened to Sam, there was no way in hell Grizz was going to leave. Taking a deep breath, Grizz turned the handle and pushed the door open.

 

Sitting there on the floor by his bed was Sam, and he was sobbing. Grizz rushed over to him, kneeling in front of the boy who looked up, shocked and confused to see Grizz there. Grizz scanned him up and down, not seeing a drop of blood on him. He was relieved, almost. Something was still wrong.

 

“Are you hurt?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam didn’t say anything. Grizz brought his fingers to Sam’s face and delicately wiped away the tears. The bright blue eyes became clearer as Sam blinked a few times, tears spilling onto his cheeks.

 

‘Are you hurt?’ Grizz signed.

 

“He-“ Sam hicupped, “broke my hands. I-I think.”

 

“Fuck. I’m calling the cops,” Clark said. Grizz didn’t stop him and Sam didn’t hear him either.

 

Grizz looked down at Sam’s hands. He was cradling them close to his chest. They were red and swelling. One of them was lumpy and not at all looking how it should have. They looked painful, and Grizz’s heart ached.

 

“What happened?” Grizz asked.

 

“We were fighting…about last night,” Sam said.

 

Fuck. It was Grizz’s fault. Sam was right. He should have listened. But Grizz had no idea Campbell would do this. He had no idea he would go this far, and that was stupid in itself. Grizz had underestimated him.

 

“And he…he told me to…make sure we both stayed out of his way or he’ll try to kill you again,” Sam went on.

 

“Again?” Grizz asked.

 

“The car accident. It-it wasn’t an a-accident. It was a-all him,” Sam cried.

 

Grizz’s blood ran cold. He was in way over his head. They both were. Campbell had tried to _kill_ him, not even caring that his friends were in the car. He broke Sam’s hands. Campbell was a psychopath and Grizz had never been more afraid in his life, not only for him, but for Sam and Campbell.

 

“He said I can never tell anyone. H-he said he wanted to take…take away how I communicate, and then he put my hands in the door… and he kept on slamming them… over and over again. And he said if I told the p-police he’d go for my tongue next…or yours,” Sam burst into more tears, and if Grizz didn’t know him so well, if he didn’t recognize how Sam talked, then he wouldn’t have understood a thing, but he caught on as Sam went on, “he shut the door. I couldn’t get out. I c-couldn’t open it. I couldn’t get my phone. He has…he has Elle. I’m scared. Grizz. I’m scared.”

 

Grizz felt his entire body go numb. His mind was clearing because there was only one thing he was thinking of. Pure rage was taking over to the point where Grizz felt murderous.

 

“Grizz!” the sound of a terrified girl screaming echoed through the house.

 

“You stupid bitch!” Campbell shouted, followed by the distinct sound of someone being slapped.

 

Grizz and Clark looked at each other, making sure each of them heard what they heard. Grizz turned back to Sam.

 

“He’s still here,” Grizz said.

 

“What?” Sam asked.

 

“He’s…still here,” Grizz repeated.

 

Seeing the look in Grizz’s eyes, Sam shook his head, pleading, “don’t go.”

 

It was too late. Grizz had made up his mind.

 

“I’m not gonna let him hurt you ever again,” Grizz said.

 

He got up, and later he would feel awful for leaving Sam. He would feel awful for shutting the door so Sam couldn’t get out, but it was for his own protection. In that moment though, he had one thing  on his mind. With Clark following him, Grizz stormed down the hallway and right to Campbell’s room. Grizz barged through the door, almost breaking it off it’s hinges. Grizz was fuming, his race red and hot, his fingers clenched tightly into fists.

 

Before him was a sight that confirmed all of Grizz’s speculations. Campbell was on top of Elle, on his bed, his hands wrapped around her throat as he tried to silence her. Her lips were bloody and her cheek reddened. Elle’s eyes shot to Grizz in a plea for help.

 

“Get off her!” Grizz screamed.

 

He ran over and latched onto Campbell’s shirt. He pulled him off the girl and landed a punch that was filled with months of hatred, right in the middle of Campbell’s face. Like a robot that could feel no pain, Campbell bounced back and tackled Grizz to the ground, making him smack the back of his head against the hardwood floors.

 

For a moment, everything was hazy and blurry and he couldn’t hear properly. He could barely see the outline Clark as he went after Campbell, tearing him away from Grizz. By the time Grizz came to his senses, Campbell had the upper hand and Grizz watched on in horror as Campbell smashed Clark’s head into a wall and tossed him to the ground like a ragdoll. Campbell got on top of Clark and punched him in the face, but he was already out cold.

 

“Stop!” Grizz shouted. He leapt up, swinging his foot around as he kicked Campbell in the teeth. Campbell swore as he fell back onto the ground.

 

Grizz scrambled over to Clark and took his face in his hands. He was unconscious with blood pouring from his head in a small puddle. “Clark!” Grizz begged, slapping his face to wake him up, but he wouldn’t wake. Grizz could almost cry. He was shaking so bad. He brought Clark here. This was his fault. It was all his fault.

 

“Stop! Just stop! Both of you, please!” Elle begged.

 

Grizz looked back up at Campbell who was getting to his feet. Blood dripped from his lips to his chin. Red liquid coated his teeth as he smiled. In that moment, everything Grizz believed about violence was thrown out the window. Campbell had hurt two of the people he cared most for in the world and he wanted to hurt him right back.

 

Grizz leapt towards Campbell, tackling him at full force. The two barreled out of the room with Grizz slamming him into the hallway wall. Campbell shoved him away, but all that did was give Grizz enough room to go to town punching him; in the face, torso, wherever he could. He released every little bit of anger he felt towards Campbell, and still, after each hit, more anger surfaced.

 

Grizz went to hit Campbell again, but Campbell fought back. He hit Grizz’s arm out of the way before he latched onto Grizz’s hair and pulled it, yanking Grizz’s head back.

 

“Let go out of me you sick fuck!” Grizz screamed.

 

“I’ll let go of you when I fucking _kill_ you,” Campbell sneered. _Kill him?_ Campbell’s grip tightened as he dragged Grizz down the hall.

 

They got to the stairs and Campbell yanked on Grizz’s hair so hard that Grizz could see stars. He let go and the moment of relief quickly disappeared as Campbell pushed Grizz down the stairs. He toppled down them, falling hard on each step until he got to the bottom. Everything ached. Every part of Grizz was in agonizing pain and as he rolled onto his back and tried to get up, he found himself with no strength. He looked up at Campbell, seeing him looking as amused as ever as he slowly descended down the stairs.

 

“You know…you’ve always been in my way, Grizz. And now you’ve pushed me too fucking far. There’s no way out for me now, so what the fuck else do I have to lose?” Campbell laughed.

 

“You’re fucking insane,” Grizz spat.

 

“Maybe,” Campbell nodded, “maybe they’ll just send me to a psych ward and I’ll get out once I’m _cured._ Or maybe…maybe I’ll take Elle and we’ll run away to where no one else like you can bother us. And you won’t be able to do anything about it, because you’ll be dead.”

 

It was in that moment that the full extent of Grizz’s underestimations were realized. Campbell wasn’t full of empty threats. He wasn’t some pathetic coward that Grizz could deal with. Campbell was a psychopath and he going to kill him.

 

Grizz rolled over and got to his knees. He crawled, ignoring what he was certain was a broken rib. He shuffled on across the living room. He knew it was futile. He was in bad shape and Campbell was somehow fine, fueled by his hatred, and well, maybe Campbell didn’t feel pain, whether physical or emotional. Campbell kept coming for him like a damn machine.

 

Grizz got to the kitchen, searching for something, anything, that he could use. He opened a cupboard and found plates. He threw them at the man approaching him.

 

“Just fucking stop!” Grizz begged, “just stop! You haven’t killed anyone! You’re not fucked!”

 

“Oh, I don’t know. Clark looked pretty dead in there to me,” Campbell taunted.

 

Grizz held back the tears that wanted to escape, because what if he was right?

 

Campbell got to his knees and punched Grizz right in the ribs. Grizz cried out, wanting desperately to curl himself into a ball, but the next moment Campbell was on top of him with his fingers wrapped tightly around his throat.

 

Grizz tried to buck him off of him, but his rib was definitely broken and he wasn’t strong enough. He hit and clawed at Campbell’s arms, but the man had some kind of super-human strength in him that came out of nowhere. His fingers tightened around Grizz’s neck, cutting off all oxygen.

 

“Last words, Grizzy?” Campbell asked.

 

“Don’t…hurt…Sam…” Grizz choked out.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick and painless,” Campbell said with a smile.

 

Tears sprung to Grizz’s eyes as his vision blurred and black spots appeared. He could hear a girl screaming but it seemed other-worldly. This was it. Grizz was going to die at the hands of Campbell Eliot. He closed his eyes as Sam filled his mind. If he was going to die then Sam was going to be what he thought of. Sam, who was going to be next. Sam, who if Grizz could have just kept his mouth shut, would have been safe. They would have continued being his boyfriends. They could have had a life together. A long, lasting, happy life. And yet, Grizz was dying.

 

Through the imagery, and the acceptance that those were his last few seconds, there was a squishing sound, followed by the crushing pressure on Grizz’s neck being relieved. Grizz took in the deepest breath he ever had before and his eyes flung open. The little black spots started disappearing as Grizz gasped life back into himself.

 

Grizz blinked a few times as he looked up, and what he saw was something he could not prepare himself for. Campbell was on his knees above him, and Elle was behind him. He arms wrapped around him from behind in what could have looked like a hug, but Grizz saw it wasn’t that at all. He saw where the squishing sound came from. Elle had a knife in her hand, and the knife was plunged deep into Campbell’s chest.

 

All three of them were silent. Campbell looked down at the knife, confusion crossing his face. Elle was shocked. Grizz was shocked. None of them knew what to do. The first sound came from Campbell who spluttered up blood. The first movement was Elle who pulled the knife out of Campbell’s chest before she fell to the ground, shuffling away into the corner of the kitchen.

 

Campbell collapsed on top of Grizz and the panic began to kick in. Grizz pushed him off onto his back and sat up, looking to Elle. She was as white as a ghost, sitting there, shaking, hands covered in blood; Campbell’s blood. She still had the knife in her hand.

 

“What’d I do?” her voice quivered, “what’d I do?”

 

This was bad. Really fucking bad. If Campbell died then they were fucked. Their lives were ruined, changed forever.

 

“Help me,” a chortled voice came from the ground next to Grizz.

 

Grizz looked down, no longer seeing a gleam of amusement or a menacing smile. He saw a scared little boy who was dying and desperately pleading with Grizz to save him.

 

“Help,” Campbell said again.

 

“Call an ambulance,” Grizz told Elle before he moved closer to Campbell.

 

Grizz didn’t know what to do. This was beyond anything he had ever dealt with before, so he did the only thing he could do. He placed his hands over Campbell’s chest and pressed down to try and stop the bleeding. Maybe she missed his heart. Maybe if he could stop the bleeding and the ambulance came in time then it’d be okay.

 

“Help,” Campbell begged with tears in his eyes, “I don’t wanna die.”

 

Grizz could see how terrified he was and for a split second he was sad, sad that no one noticed Campbell was insane. Sad that no one had put him on the right path. He was sad that a young life, no matter how fucked up that life was, was slipping away right below him. Grizz felt for him with more empathy he had ever felt before. He wanted Campbell to pay for what he had done, but he didn’t want Campbell to die. Not like this. Not in front of him.

 

Grizz’s hands shook as he pressed down hard on the wound, but the thick, dark red blood kept oozing between his fingertips. It wasn’t stopping and if he wasn’t panicking before then he certainly was at that moment.

 

“Call the  _fucking_  ambulance!” he screamed. His eyes stayed fixated on the boy on the ground, watching as his chest rose and fell slowly, then slower, and then…nothing.

 

“Fuck, fuck! No, no, no. Fuck. Don’t fucking do this to me!” Grizz pleaded. With one hand desperately trying to stop the blood loss, his other searched for a pulse that wasn’t there.

 

 “Please…fuck…please,” he was going to cry or vomit. Maybe both. This couldn’t be happening. He didn’t know what to do. He kept his hands there, frozen. He heard the sirens in the distance but he still didn’t move. He couldn’t save him. He was dying, right there, right on the ground in front of him.

 

He couldn’t even pay attention to anything happening around him, the voices, the sobbing, nothing, because a life was slipping away right in front of him, right from his fingertips. It wasn’t until his arms were being yanked away from the body did he finally look around. The first thing he noticed was the barrel of a gun pointed at him, and then the second police officer cuffing his wrists behind his back.

 

“You have the right to remain silent,” the officer spoke, and Grizz heard nothing but static.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS if you wanted them: contain spoilers, basically laying it all out there. Lots of violence between Grizz/Sam/Clark/Campbell/Elle including hand breaking, punching, kicking, smashing heads, tackling. Choking. There's just a lot of violence and death threats so if that's not something you can read then tread carefully?? and a character does die. Don't read this next part because I'm gonna tell you who it iiiiis....  
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> Campbell. Surprise. 
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> ANYWAY, Thank you everyone for your patience while I wrote Bros With Benefits. Hope ya'll are still here lol. Not long until the end!! Thank you!!


	48. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 47 recap: Clark and Grizz hung out and had a chat about Jason and Clark's confused feelings about the situation. Just bros hanging with bros. Grizz got a text from Elle saying Campbell hurt Sam so he and Clark rushed on over there to see that Campbell broke Sam's hands. Grizz and Clark got in a fight with Campbell. Campbell knocked Clark out and he was choking Grizz about to kill him when Elle stabbed Campbell and he died and the police arrested Grizz and wow DRAMA. 
> 
> A FURTHER NOTE: I’m just going to say that for this chapter and the next few chapters…I am obviously not a cop or a lawyer, and I don’t know everything about laws/police system/being arrested/bail/trials/sentencing etc etc, especially in a country I’ve never even been to lmao. SO, I am well aware this is not even gonna be close to legit but we’re all gonna roll with it and pretend it makes sense! It’s near impossible to find stuff online fitting the exact case here and honestly who has the time to go digging? Let’s just roll with it!! Thank you!!

The interrogation room was much like Grizz had imagined it to be. White walls, mirror on one side that Grizz was almost certain was a two-way mirror and that people were watching him, or maybe that was his paranoia talking. He sat at a table in the middle of the room with his hands cuffed in front of him. The buzzing of the LED light in the centre of the ceiling was beginning to drive Grizz insane.

 

It felt as though he had been in there for hours, but the clock on the wall showed thirty minutes. Officer Willis was the one to take him in there and then he just disappeared, leaving Grizz for far too long to be alone with his thoughts. It at least gave him enough time to collect them. His mind had been a fuzzy haze, like he was desperately trying to block out what happened, but the reality was setting in.

 

He could barely even remember the trip from Sam’s house to the police station. He had a vague memory of being examined but a medical person in another room. They took note of the marks around his neck and they few cuts he had from the fight, and after she touched the side of his torso where his ribs where, Grizz had flinched away so fast he almost fell over. He was certain he had cracked a rib and there wasn’t much he could do about that except wait for it to heal.

 

Grizz felt like a zombie going through the motions. It was only about ten minutes after being placed in a room alone when he started to come back to his senses. He looked to his hands. They were covered in dry blood. _Campbell’s_ blood. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see them anymore, but they quickly flew open again when images of the boy’s lifeless body flashed behind his eyelids.

 

Grizz couldn’t believe that someone had died right in front of him. He should have been well into a panic attack by now. Someone died and he was arrested for it. It looked really bad on him, but he couldn’t find the time to worry about himself. What about Sam? He was left in his room all alone, unable to get out. Did they find him? Where was he now? Was Clark okay? Was Clark even _alive_? And Elle, she had killed someone. What was going to happen to her?

 

Grizz jumped, startled, as the door finally opened. A man came in in a police uniform. It was Officer Willis. Grizz knew him. He was the parent of someone in his grade at school. He was friendly cop, everyone knew that. There weren’t a whole lot of police officers in their small town. A woman followed him into the room, not wearing an officer’s uniform, but instead a suit. She looked much more important.

 

“How are you doing?” Officer Willis asked.

 

There were a lot of answers to that question, but Grizz didn’t settle on any of them. “Can I wash my hands?” he asked.

 

Officer Willis glanced at the woman and she nodded.

 

“We need to take your fingerprints anyway,” Officer Willis said. He motioned for Grizz to get up and he did so. Grizz figured it was a good thing they didn’t have him restrained completely or cuffed to the desk or something. It was only his wrists. Maybe that meant they didn’t think he was a danger to anyone.

 

Officer Willis took Grizz to a bathroom. He stayed close as Grizz washed his hands of the dried blood. He tried his best scrubbing them without an actual scrub, just using his hands. He was desperate to get it off. He looked up at himself in the mirror. There was blood on his shirt; not enough to be just his. It was Campbell’s. He had the urge to take his shirt off, but fought against it.

 

“That’s enough, let’s go,” Officer Willis said.

 

Grizz nodded and dried his hands on his jeans before Officer Willis lead him out of the bathroom. As they walked along, Grizz had an ulterior motive. He glanced around, peering into each room they passed. He had done it on the way to the bathroom, only on the way back he caught a glimpse from the opposite direction.

 

There she was, in the room across from the one Grizz had been held. Elle sat at a table, much like the one Grizz had been in. Their eyes locked and Grizz paused in the hallway. Her eyes held nothing. Grizz couldn’t get a read on her at all. He wanted to talk to her, not that he had any idea what he would say. Maybe a _thank you_ for saving his life.

 

“Move,” Office Willis ordered.

 

Grizz obeyed and Willis took him through to a different room where he was promptly greeted by another man who took his fingerprints. Grizz didn’t know why exactly they needed his prints, but he complied. Before he knew it, he was once again taken into the interrogation room. Grizz was led over to the seat he was in before. Officer Willis stood by the door as the lady in the suit turned to Grizz, watching him from the other side of the table.

 

“I’m detective Charmaine. Officer Willis will be standing in with us today,” she started speaking. Grizz only nodded and she went on. “Do you want a lawyer present?”

 

Grizz thought about it. It wasn’t like he had the money for it, and he didn’t know just how much trouble he was in. If he told the truth and they believed him then he didn’t have anything to worry about. It was only if they thought he did it that he would need help.

 

“Do I need one?” Grizz asked.

 

Willis and Charmaine looked to each other before back at Grizz, still waiting for an answer.

 

“Do you think I murdered him?” Grizz asked. Murder. The word tasted bitter on Grizz’s tongue. Even knowing what Elle had done, Grizz didn’t see it as murder. It was self-defence.

 

“We need to corroborate your story with the others before we make that judgement,” Charmaine said.

 

“Are my friends okay?” Grizz asked. Were police talking to them too? Were they even okay enough to talk to police?

 

“That depends whether you consider Campbell Eliot your friend,” Charmaine said. Grizz didn’t.

 

“I’m dating his brother,” Grizz told her, “Sam Eliot. He was in the house. He was locked in a room. Is he okay?”

 

“I think we should get to your statement first,” Charmaine said.

 

“My friend, Clark-“

 

“Mr. Visser. We need to take your statement before you get that information,” Charmaine said firmly.

 

Grizz wanted to argue, but he understood. He didn’t have any rights in that moment. He didn’t want to piss them off or seem like an angry person, so he gave in.

 

“I didn’t kill him,” Grizz said.

 

“We need you to tell us everything that happened today starting from what led you to be at the Eliot’s residence this afternoon,” Charmaine said.

 

Grizz nodded as he began, “I was with my friend, Clark, at Luke Holbrook’s house. I got a text from Elle.”

 

“What did the text say?” Charmaine asked. They had his phone.  They knew this.

 

“C hurt s Eliots,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened then?”

 

“I knew she meant Campbell hurt Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“What led you to that conclusion?” she asked. Grizz thought that was a stupid question. It was so clear to him, but he supposed they didn’t really know. He wasn’t holding anything back. The cops had to know everything.

 

“He’s violent. They don’t get along,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened then?” Charmaine asked.

 

Grizz took a deep breath before he launched into the story, going into everything detail by detail. He spoke about going to Sam’s with Clark, finding Sam with broken hands, fighting Campbell, what Campbell had been doing to Elle, what he had been doing to him and Sam. He told them about the car accident, not that Grizz had any evidence against Campbell, but maybe Elle did, or maybe they could find something. Grizz knew they had found the car that hit him, but also knew the owner had been at work and it was stolen. That was what the cops ended up telling him. Maybe they could find Campbell’s prints on the car and prove him to be dangerous.

 

Grizz had never been more truthful in his entire life, and as he told them some of the things Campbell had done, whether it be to himself, Sam or Elle, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. The relief was short-lived though, because there was so much doubt about whether anyone would believe him.

 

Only Grizz and Elle knew the truth. She was a known liar when it came to self-preservation, and even protecting Campbell. Who knew what she would tell them. She could tell them Grizz had killed Campbell, just to save herself. Grizz knew how it looked, logically; that the police walked in on him trying to save Campbell while Elle had been sitting in a corner holding the knife. That had to count for something, right? Unless they thought they killed him together.

 

“I think we have what we need for now,” Detective Charmaine said once Grizz had told them every little detail he could remember, and answering all of their questions. Charmaine stood up as she flicked through a few pieces of paper on her desk.

 

“What now?” Grizz asked.

 

“Now, you write down everything you just told me in an official statement,” Charmain said. She slid some forms over to Grizz, and a pen.

 

“And then?” Grizz asked.

 

“We still have more statements to take. Hang tight,” Officer Willis said.

 

“Sam and Clark…”

 

“Are in hospital. They’ll be fine,” Charmaine _finally_ answered the only thing he really cared about. Grizz relaxed. It didn’t matter what happened to him, as long as Sam and Clark were okay. Still though, knowing they were okay wasn’t the same as _seeing_ them okay.

 

“When can I go?” Grizz asked. Could he even go?

 

“We’ll be back,” Charmaine said. She gathered the rest of her things before both of them left Grizz alone with his pen and papers.

 

With nothing else to do, Grizz started writing down everything he had already told them. He supposed they needed it written down to be legitimate. He would rather rewind time and have none of this happen at all. How far back would he go though? To when he found Sam in his room? He would’ve waited for the police instead and let them deal with Campbell. Would he rewind further to last night? He would shut his mouth and not cause any drama. He wouldn’t have provoked him. But even then, they would still have Campbell to deal with, always looming over them, always threatening them. He would still be hurting Elle with no end in sight.

 

It was with that thought that Grizz realized he was glad Campbell was dead. He didn’t _want_ him to be dead, no. He would have rather he leave town and disappear from their lives all together, but that wasn’t the case. He was dead and Grizz felt a weight lift of his shoulders. Just as soon as the thought entered Grizz’s mind, it left, because what kind of human being would wish death upon someone like that? Still, there was a niggling sense of relief in the back of Grizz’s mind that he couldn’t deny.

 

Grizz finished his statement and sat there waiting. It was a dangerous position for Grizz to be in; alone in a room with nothing to do except give in to his thoughts. With every second that ticked by Grizz found himself getting more and more anxious. He needed to see Sam. He needed to know what was going to happen to Elle, to him. Would they think _he_ killed Campbell? Could even just being arrested ruin his life? Would Duke University drop him for this if they found out? Grizz felt selfish for even thinking of something so trivial when someone had died.

 

Everything was fucked and all Grizz wanted was to make sure Sam was okay. He needed to talk to him, and yet he was stuck in that room for what felt like an eternity. All Grizz could do was watch the clock and wait. It was well into the night when the door finally opened again. Grizz, who was half asleep with his head rested on his arms on the table, sat up so quickly his head spun. Officer Willis came back into the room. Grizz watched him as he came over, and with a jingle of his keys, he took Grizz by the wrists and unlocked his cuffs.

 

“What’s going on?” Grizz asked.

 

“You’re free to go, but no leaving town in the near future. There will be further investigation and you may be required for more questioning. You will be required to testify at a trial. Be sure to leave your current address with the girls at the front desk,” Willis said.

 

“Wait…what? I can go? Just like that?” Grizz asked. It sounded so simple, but at the same time he had been in there for hours. He had no clue what had happened in the outside world during that time.

 

“Your story matches with Samuel Eliot’s, Clark Beecher’s, and Elle Tomkins’, as well as the police officers who arrived on the scene. Miss Tomkins has confessed to the manslaughter of Campbell Eliot. We don’t see a reason for us to hold you here any longer at this time, but, like I said, don’t leave town,” Willis explained.

 

Holy shit. Elle had told them the truth. She confessed.

 

“What’s going to happen to Elle?” Grizz asked.

 

“That’s for a judge to decide. Like I said, there will be an investigation, and a trial,” Willis said.

 

“Does she get to go home until then?” Grizz asked.

 

“That’s not your concern. Let’s go,” Willis urged. It _was_ Grizz’s concern though. The girl had saved his life. He didn’t want her to go to prison for that. She just couldn’t. The type of people that were in prison would eat someone like Elle alive. Unless she went to juvenile detention since she was still seventeen, but was that really much better?

 

Officer Willis led Grizz out of the room and out to reception. Grizz kept a lookout for Elle, or at least her parents, but the place was practically a ghost town. Grizz gave the girl at the front desk his new address like he was told, and they gave him his phone back.

 

Grizz didn’t know how to feel; whether he should be on edge about his sudden freedom or if he should just be thankful that Elle had told the truth. He _was_ thankful. Of course he was. He just hoped the police would realize that she was the victim here, not Campbell.

 

Grizz checked his phone as he walked towards the exit. He had a dozen missed calls from Luke, that was all. He didn’t exactly know what he was expecting. Did anyone even know what happened? Was Clark okay enough to tell them? Were Clark and Sam even allowed visitors? Were they home already? There were so many questions running through his head.

 

“Grizz!”

 

Grizz looked up, seeing Luke getting up off a bench and jogging over to him.

 

“Luke?”

 

Luke looked relieved as he got to Grizz and was quick to engulf him in a tight hug. Grizz needed it. He found himself relaxing into his hold and hugging back the boy who had quickly become his brother.

 

“Are you okay?” Luke asked. He pulled back but stayed close as he searched Grizz’s face for an answer. Grizz didn’t have one.

 

“How’d you know I was here?” Grizz asked.

 

 “Erica called Jason who called me,” he said, but that only confused Grizz even more.  

 

“Erica?”

 

“She lives on the same street as Sam. She said she saw cops and ambulances. She said she saw you and Elle being taken out in cuffs and then they were blocking off Sam’s house with police tape and shit. Her and her family went over and the police said it was a homicide scene and they had to leave. She called Jason because Clark’s car was there,” he explained.

 

“Clark…”

 

“He’s okay,” Luke answered the unasked question, “Jason called me. He was having the biggest meltdown and asked me to check with my dad to see if he heard anything. When I called him, he told me Sam and Clark were brought to the hospital, and they’re okay, just injured.”

 

That was a relief. He knew they were okay. Detective Charmaine had said as much, but hearing it from someone he trusted made it a lot more believable.

 

“I have to go to them. Will you take me?” Grizz asked.

 

“Jason only just got in to see Clark like a half hour ago. Cops were there for a really long time but once they left my dad let me and Jason in. Clark was asleep though, so we haven’t spoken to him. Jason’s still there,” he explained.

 

“Did you talk to Sam?” Grizz asked eagerly.

 

“I tried. His parents were there,” Luke said.

 

“Fuck…” Sam’s parents. They would hate Grizz, for sure. Grizz wouldn’t blame them. They lost their son and a very big part of the reason was because of Grizz.

 

“What the hell happened?” Luke asked. Had he really not gotten any extra information?

 

“I got a text from Elle saying Campbell was hurting Sam, so I went over to his house with Clark, and Campbell had broken Sam’s hands,” Grizz said.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Yeah, and Campbell was still there. We, me and Clark, got in a fight with him. Clark got knocked out real quick and then it was just me and Campbell. He would’ve killed me if…” Grizz trailed off as the exact moment Elle had stabbed Campbell ran through his mind. It was like it didn’t even happen to him. As he spoke to Luke it was as if he was explaining the plot of a movie to him.

 

“If what?” Luke prompted.

 

“Elle saved my life,” Grizz said with a finality, “he was choking me. I thought I was gonna die. And she got a knife and…she…stabbed him in the chest.”

 

“What the fuck, _Campbell_ died?” Luke asked, his eyes as wide as saucers.

 

Grizz nodded, “I tried to save him. I really tried, but…”

 

“Holy shit. I mean, I know the dude’s a dick but-“

 

“No buts,” Grizz cut him off, “he’s been abusing Elle for months. He’s been threatening me and Sam, and he was the one responsible for the car accident.”

 

Luke tilted his head to the side, confusion written all over his face.

 

“It’s a long story…I wanna see Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“You think that’s a good idea? His brother just died,” Luke said.  

 

“Please, Luke. Take me there,” Grizz pleaded. If he didn’t, Grizz would just walk, but he would much rather get there quicker.

 

Luke was unsure, Grizz could tell, but he eventually nodded, “okay, but you need to change your shirt. I think I have something.”

 

Luke nodded towards the car park and Grizz followed him over to his car.

 

\---

 

As Grizz walked next to Luke he felt himself getting sicker and sicker. He had come to hate hospitals lately. He had been there too often. It was a pattern he didn’t want to continue. He was so anxious. It was technically after visiting hours, but everyone at the hospital knew Luke so none of them looked twice at them as they roamed the halls. Grizz had no clue where Sam was, but Jason had texted Luke the room number Clark was in, so it was a start.

 

They made their way by each room. Grizz tried to catch a glimpse in the ones he passed, desperate to see Sam. He could have been home already. Would he and his parents even go home? Even though Grizz hated Campbell, and he was certain Sam hated Campbell, he was even more certain that none of them would want to be in that house after what happened.

 

“Here,” Luke said, getting Grizz’s attention.

 

Luke had stopped at an open door. Grizz peered in, seeing Jason sitting by the hospital bed in an arm chair, and in that hospital bed was Clark, fast asleep. He had a white bandage wrapped around his head. Grizz’s heart ached. Clark may have been okay, but how okay was he? Did he have any brain damage? Was he concussed? Should he have even been allowed to sleep?

 

“Hey,” Luke whispered, getting Jason’s attention.

 

Jason sat up a little straighter and gave Luke a nod. Luke and Grizz went further into the room. Besides the head bandage, Clark looked pretty okay. He seemed peaceful as he snored away.

 

“Is he okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“Does he fucking look okay?” Jason’s words were harsh and had Grizz almost taking a step back, wanting to flee from the animosity that was thrown his way. He wasn’t really sure why it was directed at him. Perhaps Jason was just stressed. Grizz could understand that.

 

“Jason, come on,” Luke tried to mediate.

 

“What happened?” Jason asked coldly, his eyes throwing daggers at Grizz.

 

Grizz went into the full explanation, telling Jason everything. He felt as though he was a record on repeat. It was a little daunting knowing just how many times Grizz would have to repeat this story to everyone who asked. Maybe he should record himself, or write a letter to hand out to everyone that asked.

 

Jason’s expression didn’t change the entire time Grizz was telling the story, even when he told him Campbell died. Maybe he already found that out. Grizz wasn’t sure. When he was finished telling Jason what happened, Jason scoffed and shook his head.

 

“He would literally die for you,” Jason said bitterly.

 

“I didn’t mean for him to get hurt,” Grizz defended.

 

“You dragged him into _your_ mess. You know he has a thing for you. You know he would do anything to back you up. Why would you take him somewhere you knew could be dangerous?” Jason asked.

 

“I told him not to come,” Grizz said. Even though he was arguing the point, Grizz’s heart was hurting because fuck, it _was_ his fault Clark got hurt, and it was his fault Sam got hurt too.

 

Jason rolled his eyes, “he loves you Grizz. As if he was gonna leave you.”

 

“He’s in love with you, not me,” Grizz argued.

 

“No, he’s always followed you around like a puppy dog and look where it got him,” Jason gestured to the hospital bed.

 

“It’s not my fault,” Grizz said, not believing his own words but desperately wanting to.

 

“Just fucking go, Grizz,” Jason said.

 

“Jason-“ Luke started.

 

“Just go,” Jason whisper-yelled.

 

Grizz hesitated. Clark and Jason’s love life was the least of his worries. Sam was still out of his reach and someone had died, Elle was in jail and Grizz could still get in trouble for it, and yet Grizz found himself wanting to fix this at the very least.

 

“Before we went to Sam’s, we were talking about you and him,” Grizz said.

 

“That’s great,” Jason replied sarcastically.

 

“He’s into _you_ , Jason. He’s confused. He thinks you just want to hook up and you’ll end up hurting him like Justin and Gwen did,” Grizz explained.

 

Jason watched Grizz sceptically, the look in his eyes shifting from anger to curiosity, “he said that?”

 

“More or less. Listen, you can hate me all you want, you can be jealous that he may or may not be into me all you want, but I know for a fact he’s into you and I’m pretty sure you’re into him and if you don’t get your shit together and act on it then it’s your own fault if he goes and finds someone else,” Grizz said.

 

Jason looked away, his attention landing on Clark’s sleeping form once more.

 

“I can’t do it,” Jason said quietly.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I can’t be with him knowing you’re always his first choice,” Jason said.

 

“I’m not his first choice. He had a stupid school boy crush on me. But you? He’s in love with you. I can see it, and if you can’t then you’re blind. Luke, can you see it?” Grizz asked, turning to his best friend.

 

“Yeah, I can see it,” Luke nodded.

 

Jason went quiet, his gaze not leaving Clark. Grizz was so emotionally drained and he couldn’t believe that after everything that happened that day that he was arguing with Jason about who Clark liked more. Grizz actually felt like passing out. It was all becoming too much.

 

“Sam’s three doors down to the left,” Jason said, “his parents have been in there the whole time but I saw them walk down the hall like ten minutes ago.”

 

It was a peace offering and Grizz jumped on it. He didn’t say a single thing to his friends before leaving the room and practically jogging down the hallway. With Sam in the same vicinity as him, how could he not take the chance to see him?

 

One, two, three. Grizz found the door which was wide open. Grizz stood there for a moment, making sure he was at the right room. He knew he was the moment his eyes landed on Sam. He sat on the bed, cross legged and fully dressed, not in a hospital gown like Clark had been in. He was staring out the window at the darkness that had descended on them.

 

Grizz entered the room. He headed over slowly, not wanting to scare him by his sudden appearance. He went around the bed until he was in Sam’s line of sight. The boy looked up at him with piercing blue eyes; the eyes that were red and puffy and held a type of sadness that Grizz had never seen on Sam before. His hands were bandaged too, both of them, and seeing them like that made Grizz angry at Campbell all over again.

 

“My parents will be back soon. You should go,” Sam said. Grizz faltered. He spent the past five hours wanting nothing more than to see Sam, to talk to Sam, to see if he was okay and be there for him, and Sam wanted him gone. Grizz felt as though he was going to cry on the spot, but he choked back the emotion and shook his head.

 

“I don’t want to go,” Grizz said.

 

The two stared at each other, neither speaking for a few moments. Grizz didn’t know what to say. Sorry your brother died? He didn’t even know if that statement was true. A huge part of him wasn’t sorry at all, but if Sam was hurting because of it then he was sorry.

 

“Are you okay?” Grizz asked. Of course Grizz knew Sam wasn’t okay, but he just needed to talk to him and it was the first thing that came out.

 

“My brother died,” Sam said.

 

“Elle had to. She-“

 

“I know,” Sam cut him off, waving his hand dismissively. Grizz was desperate to know what Sam was thinking. His face was showing nothing. Grizz took a step forward and Sam leant back, shaking his head.

 

“I just want to be by myself,” Sam said.

 

“Please don’t push me away,” Grizz begged.

 

“It’s not about you,” Sam said.

 

Silence fell over them again as they watched each other. It was killing Grizz to be standing there a few feet away and Sam not wanting him there. _Sam didn’t want him there_. That was the look Sam was giving him.

 

“My parents went for coffee. They’ll be back soon. Please go,” Sam said.

 

Grizz eyes glistened with unshed tears as he blinked a few away.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Grizz signed, ‘I love you.’

 

Grizz waited a few seconds for a response and after he didn’t get one, he decided he needed to get out of there for three reasons; he didn’t want to be there when Sam’s parents came back, he didn’t want to cry in front of him, and Sam didn’t want him there. It hurt how Sam was looking at him, like he was scared of him. All Grizz wanted was to comfort him, but instead it felt as though they were so disconnected from each other.

 

Grizz left the room. He was practically in tears once he got back to Luke and Jason who were still in Clark’s room, talking.

 

“I’m gonna go,” Grizz said to them both quickly, just wanting to leave.

 

“What happened?” Luke asked.

 

“He doesn’t want to see me. I’ll walk home. I’ll see you there,” Grizz said.

 

He didn’t wait for a response. He left the room and briskly walked down the hall, furiously wiping away the tears that were escaping. He didn’t know which emotion to focus on. His head was spinning and everything was so up in the air. He was upset, mad, scared, heartbroken, worried, and so many other things. Each emotion swirled around in his stomach making a disastrous cocktail.

 

The moment Grizz walked outside he found himself on his knees at the closest bushes, emptying the contents of his stomach. He hit the ground with his palm in frustration as everything became that little bit too much and he let out a sob, and the sobs kept coming in between choked out breathing.

 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Luke’s soothing voice came from next to him. He crouched down next to Grizz and rubbed his back comfortingly. “Just focus on breathing and I’ll take you home.”

 

“Everything’s…fucked,” Grizz cried.

 

“Emotions are high right now. Things will settle. You just gotta get through it, okay? And I’m here for you, and so are my parents. It’s gonna be okay,” Luke assured him.

 

Grizz looked up at Luke, and he had always trusted him, so why should then have been any different? Grizz nodded his head and Luke helped him up off the ground before leading him back to his car so they could go home.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the read! I'm gonna be writing the next chapter of Bros With Benefits next to see what exactly happened with Jason/Clark before Clark went to Grizz's, and some Jason's POV seeing him flipping the heck out over Clark being hurt again. Stay tuned! I love everyone who has gotten to this point. Not long until the end now!


	49. The Blame Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 48 recap: Grizz was interrogated by the police about Campbell's death but after Elle confessed, he was let go. He went to the hospital to try and find Sam. He ended up finding Clark who was with Jason. Jason was mad at Grizz, blaming him for what happened to Clark, but at least Clark's okay, so yay. Grizz and Jason briefly argued about who Clark loves (spoiler alert it's Jason) and then Grizz went and saw Sam but Sam told him to leave. Sad.

Grizz hoisted himself up on the fence and clumsily climbed over, surprised that the rickety old thing didn’t collapse under his weight. He jumped down the last few feet to the ground, landing with a hard thud. He was in the Tomkin’s back yard, having had to find an alternative route once he realized there was a gaggle of reporters camped out front. It was an effort to simply not get noticed, but the moment he heard Elle had been released, he decided he had to see her.

 

There had been no news for the past forty-eight hours since Campbell died, right up until a few hours ago when Facebook went wild, mostly posts made by Campbell’s friends and people who had no clue what had really happened. There was anger, straight up outrage, that Elle had been released on bail. If only they knew the real story.

 

Grizz headed to the back door. It was dark and most of the lights were off, probably because Elle and her family were trying to lay as low as they could for the time being. He knocked on the door and waited. He had sent Elle a text earlier, but didn’t get a reply, and he was too impatient to wait.

 

He could hear a voice on the other side of the door, just one, a man. “Fucking vultures. I swear to Christ I’ll call the police.”

 

The door swung open and the back porch light switched on. Standing there was a man that Grizz recognized as Elle’s father. His face showed pure rage until he saw Grizz there, and was quickly replaced with confusion.

 

“Mr. Tomkins, sir. I’m-“

 

“I know who you are,” the man cut him off.

 

For a moment Grizz stopped breathing. He expected to be turned away, or shouted at, because that was the main reaction he got, right? Jason blamed him for what happened with Clark. Sam turned him away that night in the hospital and since then there had been nothing but radio silence. Grizz felt as though everyone thought it was his fault, and in his darkest moments, he thought they may be right.

 

“Come on,” Mr. Tomkins said as he ushered Grizz inside, “there are reporters everywhere.”

 

Grizz had been prepared to beg to see Elle, even if just for a moment so he could see if she was okay and thank her for saving his life, but maybe her parents didn’t hate him as much after all. Grizz was certain they would have thought the only reason Elle had killed Campbell was to save him.

 

“I’m sorry to come over when I know your family is going through a lot right now,” Grizz started.

 

“It’s fine. Elle’s been asking if she can see you, but with the reporters out it’s practically impossible to leave without having them shove cameras in our faces,” Mr. Tomkins said as he swung the door shut.

 

“I’m sure they’ll get bored soon and leave,” Grizz said hopefully.

 

“Unlikely. A lot of them are pretty passionate about their opinions on what happened,” he said.

 

“That’s because they don’t know the full story,” Grizz said. He wondered just how much Mr. Tomkins knew, if Elle had told him the entire story or just bits and pieces. There had barely been a single article released by the media that had any clue of what really happened. They were all the same; Girl kills her boyfriend in a crime of passion. They had nothing more to go on, and probably wouldn’t have anything else until Elle went to court.

 

“Only time will tell,” the man said.

 

Grizz nodded. He looked around the kitchen they had stepped into. He wondered where Elle was, or even her mom, but it was silent down there. “Is it okay if I see her?”

 

“Of course,” he said and nodded for Grizz to follow him, which he did. They headed for the stairs, going up them. “You know,” Mr. Tomkins continued, “I have to thank you for everything you tried to do for her.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“She told us how much you tried to help her and how she didn’t listen. I just wish me and her mom noticed the signs. I wish we looked into it more with the claim you made to the counselor at school, but she kept telling us everything was fine and it was all a lie,” he said.

 

“She was scared,” Grizz said.

 

“But I should have noticed the difference in her. Jenny and I just thought it was a phase, just typical teenage moodiness,” Mr. Tomkins said sadly.

 

“It’s not your fault. She’s a pretty talented liar,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“Not sure if that’s supposed to make me feel better,” the man murmured.

 

“She could have a very bright future ahead as an actress,” Grizz joked.

 

“Considering she doesn’t go to prison,” her dad said. So much for Grizz trying to lighten the mood a little.

 

Grizz didn’t comment on that. He felt so awful whenever he thought about Elle being locked up for what she did. Grizz owed her his life. She shouldn’t be punished for that. She was the victim here. She always had been.

 

The two of them got to a door and Mr. Tomkins knocked on it. A quiet “come in” came from the other side, and Mr. Tomkins opened the door, revealing Elle sitting on her bed with her laptop in front of her.

 

“Grizz,” she said in surprise, but her eyes undoubtedly lit up the moment she saw him.

 

“Hey,” he said with a soft smile.

 

The two glanced at her dad and he simply nodded, “I’ll leave you to catch up.”

 

The man left and Elle got off her bed, rushing over to the door to close it. She turned to Grizz, the two staring at each other, not really knowing what to say. The two of them had been through something big, really big. Grizz was still trying to process what happened. He couldn’t even imagine what Elle was going through.

 

“How are you?” Grizz started.

 

Elle rolled her eyes as she laughed awkwardly, “I don’t know. I mean, I killed someone. How exactly am I supposed to feel after that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Grizz said honestly.

 

“How do _you_ feel?” she asked him.

 

Grizz sighed heavily, shaking his head, “like shit, you know? Guilty, but at the same time not.”

 

“Guilty? You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said.

 

“Didn’t I? I keep thinking there was a better way we could have gone about everything, like going to the cops or something. Maybe I shouldn’t have kept provoking him and he wouldn’t have snapped, bit then I think if I kept my mouth shut, then what? You could’ve easily been the one that ended up dead, or me, or Sam, so I don’t exactly regret it sometimes,” Grizz said. He had told all of this to Luke, but somehow saying it to Elle felt more like a weight being lifted from his shoulders. She would understand more than anyone else could.

 

“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about,” she said in a soft tone, “how were you supposed to know how dangerous he was?”

 

Grizz nodded. She had a point. If he had known what he was capable of then he would have been a lot smarter about it.

 

“It’s my fault anyway,” she went on, “I should have accepted your help when you offered it a dozen times. I should have told my parents or the cops what was going on. I thought it was just my problem, that he would only ever hurt me and that I could handle it. And then he…God, Grizz, I didn’t think he would hurt anyone else. I’m so sorry, so, so sorry, for everything.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not,” she argued, “I threw you under the bus so many times, and for what? Because I wanted to protect him? Because I thought he loved me and things would get better? Because I was scared?”

 

“You saved my life, Elle. He would have killed me if you didn’t do something, so I think you more than made up for it. That’s what I came over here for, to thank you for what you did and see if you’re okay,” Grizz said.

 

Elle groaned and went over to her bed, flopping down onto her back and looking up at the ceiling. “This is all such a mess.”

 

“A big fucking mess. What’s going on with you? With the police?” Grizz asked.

 

“My lawyer says I need to plead self-defense. She thinks I have a pretty strong case there,” she said.

 

“Does she think you’ll go to jail?” Grizz asked.

 

“There’ll be a trial, don’t know when though. She said it’ll help if I open up on the stand about what he did to me, and if you and Sam tell them what he did to you. We pretty much have to paint him as the bad guy and me as the victim and I could walk away unscathed, if I’m lucky,” she explained.

 

“He _was_ the bad guy and you _are_ the victim. There’s no painting that needs to be done. Anyone with half a brain can realize that,” Grizz said.

 

She didn’t say anything. Grizz stepped over to the bed and sat down in the space next to her before laying by her side. For a few moments they lay there in silence. Grizz was just glad she was talking to him. If she didn’t hate him then maybe there was a chance that Grizz wasn’t in the wrong here. Maybe there’d be a chance that Sam wasn’t angry with him either. Maybe.

 

“Can I tell you something and you promise not to judge me?” Elle asked.

 

Grizz looked to the girl whose entire focus was still on the ceiling above her. “Sure.”

 

“I lied before. I know exactly how I feel, but it’s wrong. Like, I’m supposed to be upset, or maybe scared, or regretful, or…so many other things than what I’m feeling, but…since it happened…I just feel relieved,” she admitted, “how crazy is that? I’m _relieved_ he’s dead.”

 

“It’s not crazy. I’m relieved too,” Grizz said. He hadn’t told anyone that.

 

“Like, I don’t want him to be dead.  But I was in this place where I thought he would be in my life forever, even if I broke up with him, he would always just be there, like there was no way to escape. I woke up in the morning after it happened, still in jail, and I was…the happiest I had been in a long time. How fucked up is that?” she laughed. Grizz worried a little bit for her mental health, but at the same time, he didn’t think what she was feeling was fucked up at all.

 

“He was a bad guy, Elle. He tried to kill me. He might have tried to kill you. He could have killed Clark. He broke his own brother’s hands. He was a psychopath. You’re allowed to be relieved he’s gone. Maybe just…don’t voice that to anyone else just yet,” Grizz said.

 

“Don’t worry. My lawyer has been telling me everything I should and shouldn’t say. She told me I shouldn’t even be seen with you, or Sam or Clark, because the media could think we’re in on it together and run with that,” she said.

 

“The Holbrooks got me a lawyer too, just for some advice, and he said they same thing about you. Not so much the others though. I’ve seen Clark a bit. The media isn’t really interested in him, and as for Sam, I don’t really need to worry about being seen with him anyway because he doesn’t want to see me,” Grizz said a little bitterly.

 

“Why not?”

 

Grizz shrugged, “if he’d talk to me then maybe I could figure that out. I don’t know if he just wants space to mourn with his family, or if he blames me for what happened. I just don’t know. I haven’t seen him since the night it happened and he was in hospital. He barely talked to me. He just asked me to leave. I know he’s staying at the Pressman’s and I want to go see him, but Luke keeps telling me to just wait until he comes to me but it’s so hard.”

 

“I’m sure he’ll come around. Like you said, he’s probably mourning with his family. His brother did just die, after all. I mean, he was a psycho, but still his brother,” she said.

 

“I know.”

 

“I can only imagine what his parents must think of us,” she said.

 

“I just want it all to be over so we can move on,” Grizz said.

 

“Me too.”

 

“It’s gonna be okay. For you, I mean. There’s no way they can hear all the facts and decide you’re a murderer. No way in the world,” he said.

 

“And if they do…part of me doesn’t even care. Being in prison or juvie is better than being with Campbell,” she said.

 

“You have to care. You can’t let him take away your life still, even after he’s gone,” Grizz said.

 

She went quiet again, and Grizz looked to her. She had been through so much and as she spoke with him, she seemed apathetic. Grizz didn’t blame her. He wasn’t entire sure what he was feeling himself, but he knew he wasn’t feeling sorry for Campbell. He knew he wasn’t sad over what happened, even if he knew logically that it was a terrible thing.

 

“Thanks for coming to see me,” Elle said, looking to Grizz, “I was afraid you might hate me.”

 

“I definitely do not hate you. I’ve got your back,” Grizz said.

 

“Why? We were barely friends before all this. Why would you get yourself so involved in my mess?” she asked.

 

Grizz shrugged, “it was the right thing to do.”

 

“Thank you,” she said.

 

“You’re welcome,” Grizz replied as he sat up, “but I might get going now.”

 

“You sure? You can stay for dinner if you want?” she offered.

 

“No, it’s okay,” Grizz said. He had excluded himself from most social gatherings. Lately he had only been comfortable with sitting in his room by himself.

 

“You should go and try to see Sam tomorrow,” Elle said.

 

“You think?”

 

“What’s the worst that could happen? He asks you to leave and you try again another day,” she said. She had a point there, and Grizz was dying to see him. He felt like he had left it long enough. Sure, it had only been two days and tomorrow would make three, but they felt like three months and the longer he waited to see Sam, the more he felt like a wedge was being shoved between them.

 

“I’ll try,” Grizz said, and then they said their goodbyes and Grizz snuck out of the house through the back, unnoticed by the reporters.

 

\---

 

The next day Grizz found himself taking Elle’s encouragement seriously. He borrowed Luke’s car and sat in it out the front of the Pressman’s house. Allie and Cassandra were Sam’s cousins. They were the closest family they had, and Grizz didn’t blame Sam or his parents for not wanting to be living in the house Campbell died in.

 

Grizz thought long and hard about the best way to get inside and talk to Sam. He didn’t want to just go up and knock on the door. That would risk Sam’s parents answering, or Allie and Cassandra’s. Who knew what they thought of him? Instead, Grizz decided to text Allie who was the less responsible, more chill of the two sisters. She was his best bet.

 

 **Hey Allie, I’m outside your house. You think there’s a chance you can sneak me in to see Sam?** – Grizz.

**I don’t think that’s a good idea today.** – Allie.

 

 **Can you ask Sam? If he really doesn’t want to see me I’ll leave.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz stared down at his phone as the three little dots came up and disappeared several times as she typed. Then, there was nothing. Grizz looked to the house, hoping she would appear. And she did. He saw her head poke out of a window around the side of the house on the lower floor. She waved at Grizz, and well, Grizz wasn’t going to hesitate. He got out of the car and jogged over to where she was.

 

“He said he wants to see me?” he asked when he got to her.

 

“I didn’t ask,” she said with a cheeky grin.

 

“So, why are you helping me?” he asked.

 

“I like to play cupid and I’m pretty sure he’d want to see you,” she said.

 

“What makes you think that?”

 

“Because his parents keep telling him to stay away from you and he gets this sad look on his face,” she explained.

 

That was like a knife to Grizz’s chest. Sam’s parents hated him, he knew it. The first time he met them he accused their son of being an abuser, and then the day after their son is dead. Grizz would hate him too if he were them.

 

“Come on,” Allie urged. She took a step back and Grizz took that as his cue. He easily climbed in through the window, ending up in what looked like some sort of living room. He was beyond scared that they would run into one of Sam’s parents and there would be some sort of confrontation. The last thing he wanted was to make them any more upset.

 

Allie took his hand and lead him through the house. He could hear voices coming from other rooms, but Allie expertly led him through the house, being careful not to run into anyone. They ended up upstairs at a door that was slightly ajar. Allie let go of his hand and slowly pushed the door open, peering in.

 

There Sam was, by the bed, attempting to dress himself. Upon noticing them there, Sam froze, looking right at them. Grizz took a moment to get a good look at him. He was tired, pale, and frustrated. One hand was in a cast and the other in just a bandage. His clothes were all disheveled. His button up shirt didn’t have a single button that was done up, and his dress pants weren’t zipped or buttoned either.

 

“Is it okay that Grizz is here?” Allie signed and spoke.

 

Sam looked back and forth between the two of them before nodding. Allie looked to Grizz, giving him a smile, before she turned and left them there. Scared that someone could walk out of one of the other rooms at any moment, Grizz went inside the room, shutting the door behind him.

 

“Hey,” Grizz greeted as he stepped towards him.

 

Sam looked down, sighing heavily, “Sorry. My mom’s been dressing me every day like I’m a child and I tried to do it myself but…”

 

He held up his hands, showing Grizz the cast. Grizz had the overwhelming urge to care for Sam while he was hurt and it killed him that he couldn’t, that they were barely even on speaking terms with each other. Grizz stepped closer to him and cautiously reached for the shirt. When Sam didn’t step back or argue, Grizz began doing them up. Sam, like usual, kept his gaze focused on Grizz’s face and lips.

 

“Did the doctor say how long until they’re better?” Grizz asked.

 

“About three weeks,” Sam answered.

 

“That’s not too bad. I broke my arm once and had the cast on for two months,” Grizz said.

 

Sam didn’t say a thing. Grizz finished with the shirt and then he helped him with his pants, pulling them up, tucking Sam’s shirt inside, and then zipping and buttoning the pants. He needed a belt though, and as Grizz looked around his eyes fell on the bed where there was a belt, a dress jacket,a tie and a nice pair of shoes. He briefly wondered why Sam was getting so dressed up, and then he remembered Allie’s black dress, and it clicked.

 

“It’s his funeral today?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded.

 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I just wanted to see you, but maybe I can come back another time,” Grizz said, feeling like pure shit.  

 

“I have time before I have to go. Wanna finish dressing me?” he asked. It was the spark of hope that Grizz needed. Sam didn’t turn him away. Maybe he didn’t hate him or blame him after all.

 

Grizz helped Sam get ready. He took the tie from the bed and placed it around Sam's neck, being careful to tie it properly, not too tight. He helped him put on his jacket, do up his belt and finally helped him with his shoes and the laces. The entire time he could barely breathe, worried about what Sam might say to him. It occurred to Grizz that maybe Sam only wanted to speak with him to tell him that it was over, that he hated him, that he blamed him for Campbell’s death. The thought killed Grizz.

 

Eventually, the two of them sat on the edge of the bed, turned to face each other, and Grizz didn’t really know where to start. Asking Sam how he was was out of the question. Obviously he wasn’t doing well. It was the day of his brother’s funeral after all.

 

“How much do they hurt?” Grizz ended up asking, pointing to Sam’s hands.  

 

“I’m on painkillers,” the other answered.

 

And then they went quiet again. Grizz watched Sam, hoping he would say or do anything, but he just sat there silently.

 

“Talk to me, please. Tell me what’s going through your head,” Grizz begged.

 

“I don’t know what to think or feel,” Sam said. That seemed to be common lately, Grizz thought, as he remembered his visit to Elle yesterday.

 

“I went to see Elle yesterday,” Grizz told him.

 

That sparked Sam’s interest. His eyebrows raised as he nodded slowly, “wow, okay. How is she?”

 

 “She’s doing the best she can,” Grizz said.  

 

“Do you think she’s going to prison?” Sam asked.

 

“Honestly, no,” Grizz said without skipping a beat.

 

Sam looked away from him at the ground, and Grizz just waited. He really felt as though he couldn’t breathe. Sam was everything to Grizz. _Everything_. And to think that it could be over for good had him feeling like it was the end of the world.

 

“My parents don’t want me to see you,” Sam said, looking up again.

 

Grizz’s stomach dropped. “Forever?”

 

Sam shrugged.

 

“What do you think of that?” Grizz asked with a shaky voice.

 

Sam shrugged again. The motion had caused Grizz’s eyes to fill with tears, because how could he just shrug something so big off like that? The thought of them not seeing each other ever again ripped Grizz apart, and Sam? Sam _shrugged_ , like it didn’t matter to him. Like it was neither here nor there.

 

“You don’t care if you never see me again?” Grizz asked. He hastily wiped at his eyes, hating himself for crying.

 

“I need time,” Sam said, “it’s just…I don’t really know what happened…I was locked in that room and then when I was out, you were arrested and brother was dead. I’m just…having a bit of trouble separating that.”

 

“I didn’t do it, Sam,” Grizz said firmly.

 

“You fought him though. He was attacking you and that’s why Elle stabbed him, right? That’s why he died, because you couldn’t just leave it alone,” Sam said.

 

And there it was. Sam _did_ blame him. The conversation had escalated so quickly, which wasn’t Grizz’s intention at all. He didn’t want to argue with Sam. All he ever wanted was to make sure Sam was okay, that was it. That was all that had been on his mind, and meanwhile, the man he loved, the man who was supposed to love him back, was practically accusing him of killing someone.

 

“Of course I couldn’t leave it alone. He hurt you, Sam. He was going to keep hurting you, and hurting Elle. I had to do something,” Grizz said.

 

“Kill him?”

 

Grizz paused as a sob escape him. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe Sam thought he was a killer.

 

“I didn’t kill him, but you know what? I’m glad he’s gone, because now I know that you are safe and Elle is safe. I don’t regret that for a second,” Grizz said. His mind was made up. He was glad Campbell was dead. He didn’t do it, but he had it coming.

 

“Do you see this?” Grizz went on. He touched his neck where there had been some pretty bad bruising, but was starting to fade. “That’s what he did to me. I thought I was going to die and he would’ve killed me if it weren’t for Elle. Would you rather I be dead?”

 

“No.”

 

“What about Elle? If I never stood up for her we could both be getting ready for her funeral. Do you want her dead?” Grizz asked.

 

“Stop,” Sam pleaded as tears began spilling from his eyes.

 

The two of them went quiet. Grizz was at a loss. He didn’t like this. He didn’t want to argue with Sam, but he didn’t know what else to do.

 

“What do you want me to do?” Grizz asked desperately, “what do you want me to say to make this okay?”

 

Sam shook his head, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I think. I don’t know what I feel.”

 

“How do you feel towards me?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t know. I need time. I need distance. I was told not to be seen around you before the trial anyway,” Sam said.

 

“That could be months away,” Grizz pointed out.  

 

“I know.”

 

“I could be in college by then.”

 

“I know.”

 

“So that’s it then?” Grizz asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Sam cried. He sobbed, pain emanating from him. Grizz could hear it so clearly, and that wasn’t what he wanted at all. What he wanted was for Sam not to think he murdered his brother. That’s what he wanted. He wanted to hug Sam, but Sam seemed pretty done with everything, with Grizz. It was all such a mess and Grizz didn’t know how to fix it.

 

Grizz scooted closer to Sam and brushed the tears from his cheeks and his eyes. He wanted to make sure Sam could see what he was saying. Sam looked at him, eyes on his lips as always.

 

“I love you,” Grizz said.

 

“I love you too. I just need it all to be over. I need time,” Sam said.

 

Grizz had always been ride or die for Sam, quick to make up his mind about that, but Sam was cautious. Maybe Grizz was asking too much three days after his brother died to sweep it all under the rug and be who they used to be. Maybe time was what they needed. Grizz had to respect that, as much as it killed him.

 

“I’ll wait,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, “you need to go.”

 

Once again Grizz’s stomach dropped, but he nodded anyway, deciding that there wasn’t anything else he could do.

 

“You know where to find me if you change your mind,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, and the two had nothing else to say to each other at that point, so Grizz got up, tearing himself away from the man he loved, and left the house in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be mostly in Sam's POV.


	50. Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 49 recap: Everything is a MESS. Sam's blaming Grizz for what happened to Campbell. Grizz is SAD. Sam is SAD. Sam needs time to process everything and Grizz is IMPATIENT as heck but he'll wait forever for Sam. Elle is out of jail though so that's great. Grizz went to see her and she's doing okay- just waiting for her hearing.

Sam sat in the front pew of the church as people went on and on about the type of person Campbell was, but they didn’t really know him, right? They didn’t know about how he hurt Elle, or hurt him, or tried to kill Grizz. That wasn’t really public knowledge yet, and as Sam sat there, he felt so alone because no one else really knew the truth, except for his parents, but they were so blinded by grief that they hadn’t acknowledged the facts yet.

 

It was easy for Sam to ignore what was being said. He simply stopped looking at who was speaking. Instead he turned his attention onto his parents. He watched them cry too often over the past few days. They were mourning the way any normal parents would, and Sam? Sam found it so hard to be _that_ upset about what happened. There was no love lost between himself and Campbell. It was just a shock that his brother was dead, that their family lost a member, and that he died in the house while Sam was there. It was a shock that Elle had done it, and maybe Grizz was part of it too. Sam didn’t know. All he knew was that he begged Grizz not to get involved, and then he did, and every time he looked at Grizz he remembered that night and how there was a big question mark over the events that transpired.

 

Sam jumped as someone placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, seeing his mom there.

 

“Sam, it’s over,” she said.

 

Sam looked around, noticing people had begun to get up and leave. Sam got up too, feeling as though was on autopilot. He followed everyone out to the cemetery where they buried Campbell, and Sam felt nothing. In fact, he spent the entire time thinking about Grizz and their encounter that morning.

 

Sam saw that Grizz was hurting and of course he didn’t want that, but his head was all over the place. It wasn’t until after Grizz had left that Sam realized he had thrown all the blame onto Grizz, and he didn’t mean to. He knew it was more complicated than that. He just couldn’t help but think what would have happened if Grizz had just listened to him and stayed out of it. It wouldn’t have been their problem. Campbell would have continued on ignoring him like he had most of their lives. Only, it would have been entirely Elle’s problem, and Sam didn’t want that either. He was so conflicted.

 

It wasn’t until Sam was heading back to the car did he realize the entire service was over. He didn’t even cry. He was supposed to more upset, right? But he wasn’t. And he was upset that he _wasn’t_ upset. His mind was in such a haze, constantly being pulled back and forth between what he was supposed to feel and what he actually felt.

 

‘Where were you this morning?’ his dad asked him before they got back to the car. Sam watched his hands move but it took him a few seconds to process what he asked.

 

“With Grizz,” Sam said honestly. He could tell his dad that. He was a little more level-headed than his mom who had been too overcome with grief that she would burst into tears every time Grizz’s name was mentioned.

 

‘We talked about this,’ his dad signed.

 

“I’m not going to stay away from him forever,” Sam argued.

 

‘I don’t want you to, just for now, until the trial is over,’ his dad signed.

 

Sam simply nodded. Earlier he had been so flippant with Grizz, unsure of where their future stood, but when he left, his heart ached and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away forever. He didn’t want to either. He desperately wanted things to be okay again. He just wasn’t sure how to get there.

 

‘Do you still want to see Jonathan?’ his dad asked.

 

Sam nodded. Jonathan was his psychologist. He had had a session every day since the incident and it was just good to talk to someone who was unbiased, and his parents thought it was a good idea for him to have a session directly after the funeral, and Sam had agreed.

 

Sam and his parents all got in the car and they took him a few streets over to where Jonathan’s office was. His mom got out of the car and opened the door for him. The hand situation was a mess. He could barely do anything. He couldn’t dress himself. He couldn’t open doors. Even going to the bathroom was an effort in itself. But even with all of those inconveniences, the worst thing was not being able to sign.

 

‘We’ll pick you up after,’ his mom signed, ‘get the office to call us when you’re done. We love you.’

 

“Love you too,” Sam said.

 

He gave her a tight, long hug, before pulling back. He waved to his dad still in the driver’s seat, and then he headed into the building. Sam was actually glad he could leave them and go see Jonathan. He couldn’t stand all the crying. He couldn’t stand the constant tension in the room. It was a bit of a relief to get away when he could.

 

Sam checked in with the receptionist and took a seat. It was his third visit this week, sure, but not the third session he ever had. He had seen this psychologist quite a few times over the years. He knew everything about Sam’s life. This week had been the deepest they had ever spoken. Over the past two sessions Sam opened up about what Campbell had done, what his death meant, and how Sam was supposed to deal with that, but sometimes he felt as though the sessions didn’t help at all, but in other ways it did.

 

He spoke to Jonathan about Grizz too, and what happened, and how mad he was. It was a whole lot of unloading and up until today, Jonathan hadn’t really told him what he should do about it. Sam had only vented while Jonathan listened and wrote down notes. At the time it was what Sam needed, to just vent to someone, but he wanted to know what he should do. He felt as though there was this wall up between him and Grizz and Campbell was sitting on top of it, laughing at them, taunting them. And Sam wanted to tear the wall down but he didn’t know if he was allowed. He didn’t know if that was the right thing to do. Was he allowed to be with the person that could have been responsible for his brother’s death?

 

A hand on Sam’s shoulder made him jump once more. He looked up, seeing Jonathan’s friendly face. He was a younger psychologist, and maybe that was why Sam liked him so much. He wasn’t some judgmental baby boomer. He spoke to him as an equal, like a friend, almost. The only reason his parents picked him years ago was because he knew ASL. It was just a bonus that Sam clicked with him so well.

 

The two went into Jonathan’s office and sat as they always did in arm chairs directly across from the other.

 

‘How are you today?’ Jonathan asked.

 

Sam shrugged. That seemed to be his response to a lot of things lately. Even if he knew the answer, he would shrug, not wanting to commit to a single feeling.

 

‘Come on, Sam. You know I don’t accept shrugs,’ Jonathan urged.

 

“I’m all over the place. I don’t know what to feel,” Sam said.

 

 ‘It was your brothers funeral today, right?’ the man asked, and Sam nodded before he went on, ‘it’s only natural you don’t know how to feel.’

 

“It’s more Grizz,” Sam said honestly.

 

‘Your favorite topic,’ Jonathan teased. Sam blushed, shaking his head, even though Jonathan was right. He had seen Jonathan only twice since he and Grizz started seeing each other, before this week, of course, and Sam often went off on tangents about their relationship, gushing about it. If only today was the same.

 

‘How are things there?’ Jonathan asked.  

 

“Not good,” Sam sighed. He had already told Jonathan about how he turned Grizz away at the hospital and how conflicted he was, but they never went into much depth. “I feel like I’m out of line.”

 

‘How?’

 

“Like…I know in the back of my head it wasn’t his fault Campbell died, but at the same time it was…Do you think it was his fault?” Sam asked.

 

‘I’m not here to put blame on anyone,’ Jonathan signed.

 

“But do you? Real talk,” Sam said, and he was practically begging. He needed someone else’s opinion on this. He had asked Becca, but she wasn’t much help at all. She said it wasn’t Grizz’s fault and that was that. She didn’t back her opinion up with anything and they barely spoke about it after that. He wanted a real adult to weight in.

 

‘No. I don’t. Judging by what you’ve told me in the past few sessions, he is a scared boy who was scared for his friend and his boyfriend, and who underestimated the entire situation. I think people make mistakes. I don’t think that he ever intended for this to happen. Just like I don’t think you did. Or that Elle did. I also think that, judging by what you’ve told me about Campbell, he may have brought this on himself,’ Jonathan gave him his own input, and honestly, Sam was a little relieved. That was exactly what he wanted to hear, that it wasn’t Grizz’s fault. It was what Sam knew deep down but had been so on the fence about.

 

“I saw Grizz today,” Sam said.

 

‘How did that go?’

 

“I practically accused him of being a murderer,” Sam said, feeling guilty.

 

‘Is that what you really think of him?’ Jonathan asked.

 

Sam shook his head, “No. I think he wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

 

‘So, why do you think you had that reaction towards him?’ Jonathan asked. That was the million dollar question.

 

“I don’t know…I’m just so mad at him for not listening to me. I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if he did listen. I don’t know how to get past it,” Sam said.

 

Jonathan nodded slowly, ‘your wounds are very fresh right now. You need time for them to heal before you can get to forgiveness. What about your parents, what do they think of Grizz?’

 

“They hate him,” Sam said.

 

‘That can’t help, can it?’ Jonathan said.

 

“No.”

 

‘Do you think it’s fair that they hate him?’ he asked.

 

“No.”

 

‘Why?’

 

“Because…it wasn’t…it wasn’t his fault,” Sam said. How was it so easy to say that when he came to his parent’s views on Grizz, but not his own? “I know it wasn’t his fault, so why am I so mad at him?”

 

‘Your feelings towards him may not have anything to do with what happened to Campbell. They could be because of a regular relationship speedbump; being him not doing what you asked him to do,’ Jonathan explained.

 

That actually made sense. And that was a whole lot simpler than thinking Grizz was a murderer, which Sam didn’t think at all. Sam was beginning to feel as though he had fucked up big time.

 

‘Before what happened, what was your relationship with Grizz like?’ Jonathan asked.

 

“It was everything,” Sam said, “And now I miss him. So much”

 

‘What is it that you really want? Do you want it to be over?’ Jonathan asked.

 

“No,” Sam said quickly, “I love him.”

 

‘Relationships can be hard, and when I look at yours and Grizz’s situation, I can see you were arguing before what happened, correct? He has this need to help people, and you…’

 

 “I don’t,” Sam finished for him, “does that make me a bad person?”

 

‘I was going to say, you wanted everything to stay the same. You knew Campbell was a danger to Grizz and you were protecting him by trying to make him stay away. Grizz took a different approach. He confronted Campbell face on in an attempt to protect you and Elle from him,’ Jonathan explained.

 

Sam took a moment to think about what he was saying. Maybe he was right. All Grizz ever wanted was to protect everyone, and it had ended up so horribly. So, unbelievably horribly. But he didn’t mean for it to. His heart was always in the right place, and that was one of the main reasons Sam loved him so much, right? That he was so protective, so loyal, and stood up for what was right when Sam couldn’t.

 

‘Obviously this isn’t the outcome anyone would have wanted. No one could predict that. Not you, or Grizz. We don’t know what could have happened if Grizz had done as you told him to. We don’t know if one day down the track the situation could have escalated, which judging by what you’ve told me, it was heading that way, whether Grizz had done what he did or not. It may not have affected you, but Elle may not have ever gotten out of the situation she was in,’ Jonathan explained.

 

“Are you saying it’s a good thing he’s dead?” Sam asked.

 

‘No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,’ Jonathan said.

 

“Grizz said he’s glad. What kind of person says that?” Sam asked. He wasn’t disgusted by Grizz by any means, but maybe he was a little jealous that Grizz could so accurately pinpoint how he felt.

 

‘How do you feel about Campbell’s death now?’ Jonathan asked.

 

“Indifferent,” Sam answered.

 

‘That’s okay.’

 

“Maybe… relieved,” Sam admitted.

 

‘Everyone reacts to death differently. It’s okay to be relieved when the person who died was hindrance to your life,’ Jonathan told him.  

 

“Do you think I’m overreacting when it comes to Grizz?” Sam asked.  

 

‘I don’t think there’s such a thing as overreacting. I think people feel the way they feel and that’s that. There’s no limits on how much someone should feel something, or to not feel something,’ Jonathan said.  

 

“I’m starting to think maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t be mad at him,” Sam said thoughtfully.

 

‘Your emotions are high at the moment. It’s only natural you go from one extreme to the other. That’s why you need some time to reflect to figure out what it is that you feel, and what is it that you want,’ Jonathan told him.

 

“What I want is for everything to be okay with Grizz. I don’t want Campbell to win like this. He’s tried to break us up enough,” Sam said.

 

‘Then make it okay,’ Jonathan encouraged, ‘communication is key in all relationships. So is compromise. And so is putting yourself in the others shoes.’

 

Sam hadn’t done that, but he did in that moment. He wondered what exactly Grizz had been going through. He was almost killed by Campbell multiple times and then he saw him die right in front of him. He was arrested for it, and then had his boyfriend turn him away. Sam hadn’t been there for Grizz like he should have been. They should have been there for each other, but instead Sam ran.

 

“I’ve been a terrible boyfriend,” Sam said.

 

‘I don’t believe that. I believe you’re human and no amount of life experience could have prepared you for what happened. You reacted in the only way you know how,’ Jonathan said, only it wasn’t too comforting. All Sam wanted was to be with Grizz, to make things right.

 

“Do you think I should go find Grizz?” Sam asked, wanting someone to give him that extra push.

 

‘That’s something you have to decide for yourself,’ Jonathan said.

 

Sam nodded. He had made a decision.

 

“I think that’s all I need for today,” he said.

 

‘We still have time. Is there anything else you want to talk about?’ Jonathan asked.

 

“No, you’ve helped me a lot today,” Sam said gratefully.

 

‘That’s what I’m here for,’ Jonathan smiled.

 

“Thank you.”

 

‘Any time.’

 

\---

 

Grizz sat at the dining table in the Holbrook’s house, with Luke next to him and his parents at the heads of the table, only Grizz wasn’t eating much. The conversation he had with Sam earlier that day left him without an appetite. It had him sinking further into a depression that he wasn’t sure how he was going to get out of. He wasn’t doing well, and the Holbrook’s knew that.

 

“You’re not eating?” Luke asked.

 

“Hm?”

 

“You’ve barely eaten a bite,” Luke said.

 

“Sorry,” Grizz murmured. He looked around, seeing Luke’s parents watching him, much like they had been for the past few days.

 

“I’m sorry,” Grizz said again, “I’m just not hungry.”

 

“That’s okay, you’ve been through a lot. Just promise you’ll try tomorrow,” Dr. Holbrook said.

 

Grizz nodded, not saying anything. Just to make them happy, he ate a piece of broccoli, forcing it down.

 

“You don’t have to,” Luke’s said.

 

“Sorry,” Grizz said again, “I’m just gonna…”

 

The three nodded, accepting that Grizz was tapping out for the night. He got up and took his plate into the kitchen. Like a robot, he threw out the food, rinsed off the plate and left it in the dishwasher. He went back out to the others.

 

“Goodnight,” he said simply.

 

“Let us know if you need anything,” Luke said.

 

Grizz nodded and off he went upstairs to his room. He didn’t bother showering or even changing out of his clothes. He flicked off the light and collapsed onto the bed. He rolled onto his side, head on one pillow and the other pillow clutched tightly to his chest.

 

He didn’t know what to do. He hated being in limbo, not knowing whether he and Sam were okay or not. He hated that Sam was having these negative thoughts about him. It destroyed him. He had a constant ache in his chest, and laying there on his bed, he was so alone, and hurting.  Just felt so lost, being estranged from his parents, and now having Sam not wanting anything to do with him. And he knew he was being selfish, because Campbell had died and yet there Grizz was, worrying that he didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. Only, Sam was so much more than just a boyfriend.

 

Grizz closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. He willed himself to shut off his brain and forget how fucked everything was. Sleep was the only escape and Grizz imagined that he would have many nights like that until Elle’s trial finally came around, and even then, there was no guarantee that things would be okay.

 

It took a while but Grizz did eventually fall asleep, restlessly, of course. He was uncomfortable and irritated, but he dozed off, and he wasn’t sure how long he had been like that before he was being woken by a gentle hand running through his hair. He opened his eyes, only to shut them again when he was blinded by the light directly above him.

 

“I’m sorry,” a voice said. Sam’s voice.  That made Grizz’s eyes fling open, burning in the light. He didn’t care though, because there Sam was, sitting on the edge of the bed by him.

 

“Sam…what are you doing here?” Grizz asked groggily.

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you. I was going to leave and come back tomorrow but Luke made me come in,” Sam said.

 

“What? Luke? What’s going on?” Grizz asked as he looked around in a daze. He didn’t know what time it was, well, he barely even knew what day it was, or if this was even real.

 

Sam gave him a small smile. “Can I stay tonight and we talk in the morning? Is that okay? I’ll understand if you say no.”

 

“Am I dreaming?” Grizz asked.

 

“No. I can go if you want,” Sam said, unsure.

 

“No. I’m just confused,” Grizz said.

 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He let them adjust to the light and got a good look at Sam. Yes, it _was_ Sam, but after their conversation Grizz thought he wouldn’t speak with him for weeks. Had something happened?

 

“I’m here to make things better. But we can talk in the morning. Just go back to sleep,” Sam said softly.

 

Grizz shook his bed, “let’s talk now. What’s up?”

 

“You’re tired,” Sam said.

 

“Sam,” Grizz said firmly, giving him a pointed look.

 

Sam looked at a loss for words. Did he say he wanted to make things better? Was that what Grizz heard? And yet he was avoiding talking to him still, but he was there, so that meant something, right?

 

“What time is it?” Grizz asked.

 

“Just past eight,” Sam said.

 

Grizz had barely been asleep an hour. No wonder he felt so terrible. He rubbed his eyes again and looked at Sam. His mind cleared a little and he was finally able to comprehend what was going on.

 

“We’ll talk now,” Grizz said.

 

“Okay…”

 

“How are you? After the funeral I mean?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shrugged, “it was…weird. Like…it was like burying a stranger, not my brother.”

 

“He was never really a brother to you, was he?” Grizz pointed out.

 

“No, not really.”

 

They both went quiet, and Sam looked away from him, down to his lap. Grizz didn’t know what to think. He was still so hurt and confused from the conversation earlier. Was Sam just back for round two? Was he there to rip Grizz’s heart out for certain? Grizz had to know, so he brought his fingers to Sam’s chin and delicately pushed up, making him look at him.

 

 “Why are you here?” Grizz asked.

 

“I went and saw my psychologist today,” he said. And, oh. Grizz wasn’t even away that he had a psychologist. He wondered if that was just because of what happened, or if he had one before. He decided it wasn’t his business.

 

“Okay?”

 

“He made me realize a few things, mainly…how fucking awful I’ve been,” Sam said, his eyes already glistening, and the last thing Grizz wanted was to see him cry _again_.

 

“Hey, no. No, no. You haven’t been,” Grizz said quickly.

 

“I have…we both needed each other after what happened and I pushed you away,” Sam said.

 

“I understand why though,” Grizz said. It was a half truth. He understood Sam’s motives, but at the same time if the roles were reversed, Grizz was certain he wouldn’t do the same thing.

 

“Do you understand why I accused you of being a murderer?” Sam asked cautiously.

 

Grizz shook his head slowly, “it hurts that you think that.”

 

“Thought,” Sam corrected him, “past tense. I don’t think that.”

 

“What changed your mind?” Grizz asked.

 

“I didn’t really think that in the first place. I was just…mad at you,” he said.

 

“Because I didn’t listen?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded, “because you didn’t listen. But…I know it wasn’t your fault. I know Campbell asked for this to happen. I know…I know you were just trying to protect me and Elle and I’m so sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Grizz said.

 

“Yes, I do. I was mad at you for not listening to me, and I got confused and I thought I was mad because of what happened to Campbell, and I shouldn’t have blamed you. It was low and…I get it if you hate me for it. I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve believed in you,” Sam said. A tear fell down his cheek and Grizz reached out to brush it away.

 

“I’m not gonna lie. It did hurt, like a lot, but…all that matters is you don’t think that now,” Grizz said hopefully.

 

“I don’t. I really don’t. I’m so sorry,” Sam apologized again.

 

“It’s okay, really. It is,” Grizz said, and sure, he may have been being a pushover, but what was the point of continuing to fight? He loved Sam and he was over the moon that he was here, trying to make things right. Grizz wasn’t going to let that opportunity go just because he was upset over something he said. Sam meant more to him than that.

 

“I think I still need to stay away for a bit, until the trial, for my parent’s sake. They’re still upset and my mom…she needs time, you know? My dad asked me not to see you for a while,” Sam said.

 

Grizz’s heart sunk a little, but he nodded, “I get it.”

 

“Thank you,” Sam said sincerely. He placed his bandaged hand in the palm of Grizz’s, and Grizz took it, gently circling his finger’s around Sam’s, being careful not to squeeze too tightly. Grizz felt lighter than he had been in a while, and he still wasn’t sure that it was real.

 

“So we’re…together but not together. Like a hiatus?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded, “yeah…if that’s okay? If you can wait. And if you still want me.”

 

“Of course I do, Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said once again.

 

“Don’t be,” Grizz demanded.

 

Sam’s gaze flicked to Grizz’s lips, and not in the way they did when Sam was reading them. When Sam leant in, Grizz didn’t dare move away. He closed his eyes just as their lips touched. All doubts that Grizz had disappeared with the one, reassuring kiss. Grizz knew they would be okay. They would always be okay.

 

Sam pulled away all too soon, but stayed close, his gaze flicking between Grizz’s eyes and his lips.

 

“I’m sorry for not listening to you,” Grizz said.

 

Sam shook his head, “you aren’t sorry. But…if you were then you wouldn’t be you.”

 

“I’m serious when I say I never wanted him to die. I never thought that would happen…I never…I just…I’m sorry, I really am. I’m so sorry you and your parents are hurting.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Sam said.

 

Hearing him say that again was healing. Grizz had been so torn, having an internal battle with himself, wondering whether he was to blame or not, but mostly he had been scared that Sam thought he was responsible. Hearing that he didn’t think that any more made Grizz happier than he possibly could have been.

 

“Does this hurt?” Sam asked as he reached out and brushed his fingertips along that bruising over his neck. Sometimes Grizz forgot it was even there.

 

“Only if I touch it,” Grizz said, “and swallowing hurts a bit.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

 

“You didn’t do it,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah but it’s my brother,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah and my dad beat up my mom, doesn’t mean it was my fault,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, but he kept looking at the bruises, and Grizz wish he had a scarf on or something just so he didn’t have to see the sadness in Sam’s eyes. Why did everything have to be so fucked when it came to the two of them? Why couldn’t they be a normal young couple without so much drama. Would it always be like this? Could they even get past it properly and get back to how they were?

 

“Are we okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“We will be. I promise,” Sam said. It was good enough for Grizz. He was certain they were soulmates and could get through anything.

 

“Elle’s hearing is in one month,” Sam said, which only confused Grizz because last time he checked, there hadn’t been a date set.

 

“How’d you know that?” Grizz asked.

 

“My parents heard from the courts this afternoon,” he said.

 

“Fuck…are they out for blood? What do they think of Elle?” Grizz asked.

 

“Dad’s understanding. Mom, not so much. That’s not why I brought it up anyway. I just want you to know that…it’ll all be over before you go to college,” Sam assured him. That was true. Maybe, if they were lucky, they could still have the summer to get back on track before Grizz left. If they didn’t, and if things were still up in the air by the time Grizz left, he wasn’t so sure just how long they would last. Well, Grizz was all in, all the time. It was whether Sam would wait for him that was the question.

 

Grizz sighed, leaning into Sam. Their foreheads touched in a tender display of inseparability before Grizz kissed him again. It was a sweet kiss, and a short one, but one that took Grizz’s breath away, like always. He didn’t want to push his luck by going any further.

 

“Can you stay?” Grizz asked when he pulled back.

 

Sam nodded, “I told my parents I was going to Becca’s. I’m pretty sure my dad knew I was lying.”

 

“I don’t want to stand between you and them,” Grizz said.

 

“You’re not. They’ll come around. I know they will,” Sam said, and Grizz really wanted to believe him, but his parents hadn’t had the best impression of him so far.

 

“Do you want to get some sleep now, or do you want to keep talking?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m exhausted,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah, you look it,” Grizz agree.

 

“Gee, thanks,” Sam rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m just saying,” Grizz said with a small smile, “you’ve had a big day.”

 

Sam nodded before looking at Grizz shyly through his lashes. “Can you help me undress?”

 

Sam was still wearing the clothes he wore to the funeral, minus the tie and jacket. Grizz, of course, would help him. He undid the all the buttons, including the ones on his pants after taking his belt off. He then went over to his dresser and got out a shirt and sweats, offering them to Sam because, well, they would usually sleep in the same bed with barely any clothes on, but they were in a weird place with each other, so it was only polite.

 

Sam rolled his eyes at Grizz once more and shook his head as he shuffled out of his pants. He got into the bed, under the covers, in just his boxer shorts. It was nice. Not so much that he was near naked. It wasn’t like _that_. It was just nice to know that Sam was still comfortable around him. It gave Grizz hope that once everything settled down they could get back to normal.

 

Grizz took his shirt and jeans off before flicking off the light and going over to Sam. He climbed into bed and without even thinking, settled behind Sam, spooning him with his arms around his middle. It was a force of habit, but Sam didn’t make a move. He relaxed into Grizz’s touch, letting their bodies warm each other under the sheets.

 

Grizz would have never predicted that morning that he would be going to sleep with Sam that night. He still felt like it was a dream, that he would wake up in a few hours and Sam wouldn’t be there at all, that he just wanted it so badly that his brain imagined him being there. But with his hand over Sam’s heart, feeling the beating beneath his skin, Grizz knew it was real and that they would be okay.

 

\---

 

Grizz woke up to Sam softly shaking his shoulder. He rolled onto his back, looking at the beauty that was sitting there, half dressed and smiling down at him. So it _wasn’t_ a dream. Grizz couldn’t even speak. He just kept looking at Sam, grateful that he was there.

 

“I have to go,” Sam told him.

 

Grizz pouted. He didn’t want Sam to leave because who knew how long they’d be apart for.

 

“When am I going to see you again?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shrugged, “I’m not going to school. We’re close enough to end of year that they said I don’t need to.”

 

“They said the same thing to me. Clark’s back and he says rumors are running wild,” Grizz said.

 

“They’re not giving him a hard time?” Sam asked.

 

“Jason threatened to beat up anyone who comes near him,” Grizz said with an amused smile.

 

 “It sucks you can’t finish your senior year,” Sam said.

 

“Not important.”

 

“I really wanted to go to your prom with you,” Sam pointed out. Grizz had barely thought about that.

 

“Also not important,” he said as he sat up. Without being asked to, Grizz began doing up the buttons on Sam’s shirt.

 

“Are you going to miss graduation?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, “I could go, but I was strongly advised against it in an email from Principal Harris. But, it’s okay. It’s just a dumb day. I’ll still graduate.”

 

Sam nodded, not saying anything else. Grizz finished the buttons and then Sam stood, letting Grizz help him with the pants.

 

“Thanks,” Sam said. He stood there, not joining Grizz in bed again, like Grizz wanted. He wasn’t going to argue though. He was just lucky they were okay.

 

“Do you regret coming over last night?” Grizz asked.

 

“No. I still need a bit of time to process, but I just needed you to know that we’re gonna be okay,” Sam said.

 

“And if you change your mind?” Grizz asked.

 

“I won’t.”

 

He might. Grizz didn’t voice that thought.

 

“I’ll take you home,” Grizz offered.

 

“No, I’ll walk. I don’t want anyone to see you dropping me off,” Sam said, “and Allie’s house isn’t far.”

 

“You sure?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Grizz didn’t push it any more.

 

“So…I guess I’ll see you at the trial?” Grizz asked.

 

“We can still text, even if my texting will be really slow,” Sam said, showing Grizz his hands.

 

“It’s almost like practicing for when I’m away,” Grizz said, trying to find the positive, but it didn’t really work out. “I’ll walk you out,” he added before Sam could say anything.

 

Grizz, not caring that he was only in his boxers, got out of bed and headed to the door, opening it for them. The two of them headed downstairs and to the front door which Grizz reluctantly opened. They stepped out, both pausing for a moment to look at each other.

 

“I’m here if you need anything,” Grizz told him with all sincerity.

 

Sam nodded, “I love you.”

 

“Love you too,” Grizz said. He leant in, the two of them meeting in the middle for a sweet goodbye kiss. Sam pulled back first, giving Grizz a small smile before he left, heading off down the front yard, and then the street.

 

Grizz stood there for a moment, watching him as he disappeared past the neighbor’s fences. He breathed out heavily, feeling more content than he had in what felt like an eternity. He turned to go back into the house, but halted abruptly when he saw Luke’s dad there, leaning against the bannister, watching him.

 

“Morning,” Grizz said awkwardly, wondering if he had seen Sam or not. Judging by the smirk he gave, he had.

 

“Breakfast?” the man asked casually.

 

Grizz nodded, “yes please.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!!!! One chapter left and an epilogue!!! How exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!


	51. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 50 recap: Sam spoke to his psychologist and realized Campbell's death wasn't Grizz's fault. Grizz and Sam talked it out and got back together. 
> 
> Yes, this is indeed the final chapter!! Although there is still an epilogue to come so it still doesn't feel like the last chapter...but it's still the last chapter. 
> 
> ANYWAY, WARNINGS: sexual content, talk of abuse and violence etc.

Prom night. It was never something that Grizz had been entirely keen to go to. Of course, he always thought he would be forced into going with a girl and being fake the entire night, but that all changed the moment he started dating Sam. They could have had the simple, fairy-tale high school romance. They’d get dressed up in suits with matching ties, go to the prom and dance with each other without a single care in the world. It was something that Grizz had actually begun to look forward to, and then Campbell happened and suddenly life wasn’t that simple anymore.

 

Grizz leant back on Luke’s bed, propping himself up on his elbows, watching his friend as he flicked his hair back and forth, not settling on a final style. Luke was dressed in his tux, looking every bit the perfect gentlemen. Helena was a lucky girl. Grizz was getting a little impatient though as Luke flicked his hair in the opposite direction once more.

 

“Sweep to the left,” Grizz told him.

 

“You think?” Luke asked, glancing at Grizz’s reflection through the mirror.

 

“If it’ll make you stop playing with your hair, yes,” Grizz said.

 

Luke stopped and turned to Grizz, holding his arms out and looking himself up and down.

 

“Well, how do I look?” Luke asked.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Okay, but do you think I look hot?” he asked.

 

Grizz narrowed his eyes at his friend, “are you just asking that because I’m gay?”

 

“Just answer the question, Gareth,” Luke sighed.

 

“You look great,” Grizz said honestly, letting the boy exhale in relief. Grizz didn’t know why it was such a big deal. “You seem stressed.”

 

“I just need to make a good impression on Helena,” Luke said as he fiddled with his bow-tie, making sure it was straight.

 

“A good impression? Dude, you’re already dating her. I think it’s safe to say she likes you,” Grizz said.

 

“Yeah, but I gotta show her I’m as good as whatever college boy she might meet,” Luke said.

 

“You’re going to the same college,” Grizz pointed out.

 

“Yeah, but not the same classes. What if she meets some hot Christian dude more suited to her and decides he’s better than her high school boyfriend?” Luke asked.

 

“She won’t. You two are meant to be and you know it,” Grizz said. That was the only thing for certain, amongst the drama with him and Sam, Jason and Clark, and even Gwen and Seth, the only thing anyone was ever certain on was Luke and Helena being solid.

 

Luke smiled at Grizz’s answer and didn’t argue it, thankfully.

 

“Are you guys still going into the city after?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Luke turned back around to face the mirror, immediately avoiding eye contact with him, and Grizz had noticed him doing that every time they spoke about prom or the boy’s plans afterwards, and he figured Luke just didn’t want to make him jealous or anything. Grizz knew that after prom a group of them were heading into the city to hit some clubs with fake IDs and party it up. Grizz had been waiting for Luke to invite him too, because just because Grizz couldn’t go to the prom didn’t mean he couldn’t hang out with his friends after.

 

“So…do you think after prom you guys could swing by and pick me up? I’ll come out with you guys. Could probably do with a few drinks,” Grizz said hopefully.

 

“You really think that’s a good idea?” Luke asked.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don’t know, the trial is next week. What if you get yourself into trouble?” Luke said.

 

“I’m not an idiot. I’ll be good,” Grizz assured him.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“I won’t even drink a lot. I’m just tired of being stuck in here all the time and I haven’t hung out with the guys in a while,” Grizz said. Mostly, he hadn’t gotten the gossip on Clark and Jason in a while and he hated how invested he was in knowing what was or wasn’t going on.

 

Luke didn’t say anything, and Grizz was fed up. He couldn’t have been imagining Luke’s reluctance and not wanting him to go.

 

“What, you don’t want me to go?” Grizz asked.

 

“I just don’t think it’s the best idea. Just stay here. Trust me,” Luke said, looking at Grizz’s reflection.

 

Grizz went quiet, feeling defeated. Maybe something changed. Maybe his friends thought differently of him. Maybe the others didn’t like him anymore. Grizz never used to care all that much what his friends thought of him. He always figured he’d never see most of them again after high school, but the past few months he had grown closer to them, especially to Luke, Gwen and Clark. He actually _wanted_ to be friends with them.

 

Grizz felt like utter shit. He couldn’t hang out with Sam and he couldn’t even hang out with those that were supposed to be is friends. A knock on the front door downstairs stopped him from arguing any further.

 

“I’ll go,” he mumbled and got up of the bed. He headed downstairs, kind of wanting to be away from Luke at that point.

 

He got to the front door and swung it open. Standing there with her hands on her hips and a glare in her eyes, was Gwen. Behind her was Jason and Clark, and out on the street Grizz could see a limousine, which was no doubt Gwen’s idea.

 

“You!” Gwen snapped as she pointed at Grizz, “you knew they were hooking up and didn’t tell me?!”

 

Grizz looked to Clark and Jason who were just standing there awkwardly. He wondered when they were finally going to tell Gwen. She was still glaring at him, betrayal in her eyes.

 

“Uhm…you look really pretty tonight,” Grizz offered up, and she really did. Red was her color.

 

“I know that! Don’t change the subject. What do you have to say for yourself?” she asked, folding her arms over her chest. Honestly, Gwen scared him a bit sometimes.

 

“Is wasn’t my thing to share?” Grizz said.

 

“I can’t believe this. Well, I can. I had my suspicions but I just thought it was some bromance bullshit. I didn’t think they were _actually_ doing it,” she said.

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Grizz murmured.

 

“We’re supposed to be friends, Grizz, friends share,” Gwen said.

 

“You didn’t tell anyone about Sam and Grizz!” Clark exclaimed. He had a point there.

 

“I…” Gwen started, looking to the boys and back to Grizz, “okay…I just think I deserved to know earlier that I turned Clark gay.”

 

“Bi,” Jason corrected her.

 

“Yeah and if anyone turned me gay it was Grizz,” Clark said.

 

“What?!” Gwen practically shouted.

 

An awkward silence descended over the group of them, and not because of what Gwen had just found out, but because of the clear annoyance written all over Jason’s face. Grizz knew that for Jason, the subject of Clark and Grizz and what had happened between the two was a touchy topic, not that there even was anything going on. Jason rolled his eyes and pushed past Gwen, heading to the stairs.

 

“Luke! Where you at, let’s go!” Jason shouted as he hopped up them two at a time.

 

“Jase…” Clark whined, but Jason didn’t listen to him. He just headed upstairs.

 

Clark groaned, flinging his head back dramatically, “fuck my life!”

 

“What the hell is going on?” Gwen asked.

 

Grizz ignored her, focussing on Clark. “So, you and Jason…back on officially?”

 

“Sort of. This is supposed to be our first date and I’m fucking it up already,” Clark said.

 

“I’m sure you’re not,” Grizz said.

 

“It’s so fucking weird, you know? I don’t even know how the fuck to act. Like I’ve been on dates before and it’s been fine, but now I don’t know what the fuck to say or do,” Clark unloaded.

 

“Just be yourselves. You hang out all the time,” Grizz said.

 

“But this is different. It’s like…formal. It’s legit,” Clark said.

 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Grizz assured him.

 

“My head hurts thinking about it,” Clark muttered.

 

“Your head hurts?” Gwen interjected, “ _my_ fucking head hurts. What is going on? _Grizz_ turned you gay? How? Would someone just tell me the full story?”

 

Finding it much more amusing to ignore her, Grizz went on talking to Clark, “how is your head anyway?”

 

Clark shrugged, “fine. Things get a bit fuzzy sometimes, and I forget some shit, but it’s okay. Doctors say I should get over it.”

 

“It’s only been two weeks,” Grizz said.

 

“Oh my God, I hate you both,” Gwen said through gritted teeth.

 

Grizz sighed, looking at her, “would it kill you to mind your own business?”

 

“It might,” she nodded.

 

Luckily, Grizz didn’t have to delve into what was the Grizz and Clark saga, because Jason and Luke came down the stairs in that moment. Grizz knew he would probably have to face her questions some other time, but for the time being, he was saved.

 

“We’re late for Helena. Let’s go,” Luke said.

 

“This isn’t over,” Gwen said as she stepped towards Grizz. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug, “wish you were coming tonight.”

 

“Yeah, won’t be the same without you.” Jason said, his voice lacking enthusiasm. The two looked at each other, and Grizz knew he would get over whatever jealousy he had in him eventually. Hopefully this date, or whatever it was that was happening between Clark and Jason went well.

 

“You need to come out with us after!” Gwen exclaimed as she pulled back, “school can’t ban you from doing that.”

 

Grizz looked to Luke who was putting on his shoes and avoiding eye contact once again.

 

“No. It’s fine. I’m happy being…here,” Grizz said, gesturing to the empty house.

 

“Let us know if you change your mind.” Gwen said.

 

“I won’t. Enjoy your hangovers. Have fun,” Grizz said.

 

“We’ll send you a bunch of snaps. It’ll be like you’re there with us,” Clark said.

 

“Cool,” Grizz said flatly.

 

The group of them said their goodbyes and excitedly left the house, running down the front yard to the limousine. Grizz watched them for a moment before shutting and locking the front door. He let out a heavy breath before going to the living room. He lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

 

It was so quiet. Luke’s dad had work and his mom was chaperoning the prom as a volunteer. He never thought he would actually care that he was missing out on something as ridiculous as prom, but he _did_ care. He was lonely. He took his phone from his pocket to see if he had any messages. He and Sam been texting back and forth for the past week and a half. He hadn’t seen him since the night of Campbell’s funeral, but at least they were talking in some way. He just felt so disconnected from reality, and the only time that feeling left was when Sam was messaging him. Although, he hadn’t responded to his last one for a few hours.

 

 **Bored and missing you** – Grizz sent to Sam.

 

He wondered if the reason Sam stopped replying was because he was actually going to prom and hadn’t told him about it. Before Grizz could delve any further into that thought, there was a knock on the door. Grizz got up, assuming one of his friends had just forgotten something, but when he got to the door and opened it, he was surprised to see Sam and Becca standing there. Both of them were dressed up, like they were going to prom too.

 

“What are you guys doing here?” Grizz asked, looking them up and down. Becca had a couple of shopping bags in her hands. Grizz peered over, trying to see what she had, or to find some clue as to why they were there.

 

“Go sit in the living room,” Becca ordered.

 

“What?”

 

“Do as you’re told,” she said as she pushed him back into the house.

 

“Sam?” Grizz asked, looking at him.

 

Sam just smiled mischievously and walked straight on past the two of them and headed up the stairs. Confused out of his mind, Grizz looked back to Becca.

 

“What is going on? I can’t go to prom if that’s what you’re here for,” Grizz said.

 

“We’re not. Just wait for us, trust me,” Becca said and followed Sam.

 

Grizz frowned as he turned towards her, and then something clicked and everything made sense.

 

“Did Luke know you were coming over?!” Grizz called out after her.

 

“Yes!” Becca shouted back.

 

Grizz smiled a little, knowing that Luke _didn’t_ hate him and had only told him not to come along with them because he knew Sam was coming over. He wondered how long they had planned that, considering Grizz had been dropping hints for days that he wanted to hang out with the boys that night. A night with Sam was so much better though.

 

Grizz went back into the living room like he was told to do. He had no clue what the hell was going on upstairs, but he waited patiently, although a bit eagerly, for them to come back down. In the meantime, he took his phone out and texted Luke.

 

 **You could’ve told me Sam was coming over! I thought you hated me!** – Grizz.

 

 **Never brother. Have a good night!** – Luke.

 

He slid his phone back into his pocket and continued waiting. He craved seeing Sam physically for so long and he was only there for a flash before disappearing. He wanted to go upstairs and hug him and kiss him and tell him to never leave him again. Grizz looked up at the ceiling when he heard music coming from the floor above, and a few moments later, Becca was traipsing down the stairs and into the living room.

 

“Okay, you can go up now,” she said, “I’ll catch you later.”

 

 “Where are you going?” he asked.

 

“Prom! A hot senior asked me to go as his date. Have fun!” she said with a wide smile.

 

She didn’t stick around after that. She headed out the front door and Grizz didn’t wait another second before he got up and raced up the stairs, almost tripping on his way. He headed straight to his room where the music was coming from. He opened the door and stopped in his tracks as he took in just how different the room looked.

 

The first thing he noticed, other than Sam, of course, was that the light in the room was purple. Looking up he noticed his normal light bulb had been switched out for a purple one. Sam and Becca had decorated the room. Stars were stuck to the ceiling and planets cut out of paper were on the walls and hanging from everywhere the two could manage.

 

A slow song as playing, but with a heavy bass in the background, and Grizz wondered just how Sam was experiencing the song, given that Grizz himself could feel the bass through the floor. Sam was standing in the middle of the room, smiling nervously. Grizz shut his door and stepped towards him. He was still so shocked that Sam was even there considering they had agreed not to see each other until the trial.

 

“What’s all this?” Grizz asked, trying to contain his smile.

 

“Out of this world.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“It’s the theme for this year’s prom. I figured…since you can’t come to prom, I’d bring prom to you,” Sam said.

 

Grizz wasn’t holding back his smile any longer. His cheeks hurt because he was smiling so wide. This was the cutest, most romantic shit anyone had ever done for him in his life.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam bit his bottom lip and nodded. Grizz stepped close, took Sam’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together. It was a relief, to kiss Sam, to know they were okay, because even if Sam were to text it every single day, Grizz was still unsure and it didn’t seem real until he had Sam in his arms like that.

 

Grizz pulled away, looking into Sam’s baby blue eyes as the other glanced at his lips.

 

“This is so much better than any prom,” Grizz said.

 

Sam grinned, “I’m glad you like it. You wanna dance?”

 

“I’d love to,” Grizz said.

 

Sam placed his hands on Grizz’s shoulders the best he could considering he still had a cast on one and bandages wrapped around the other. Sam had told Grizz he was getting stronger every day with his hands as they healed. He said it was getting easier to do simple tasks like open doors and do up his buttons, even if it hurt a bit to do so.

 

Grizz slid his hands around Sam’s waist, pulling him as close as they possible could. The two swayed from side to side, Grizz paying no attention to the music. He was focused solely on Sam, and God did he look fucking fantastic that night, and he smelled so good, like _Sam._ Grizz missed him so much.

 

“I feel underdressed,” Grizz said.

 

“Well, it was short notice,” Sam said.

 

“I can’t believe you did this. This is so amazing. Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to see you tonight,” Grizz said honestly.

 

Sam shrugged, “I just felt like we needed something for us, to just get away without actually going away.”

 

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect,” Grizz told him.

 

Sam shook his head and looked down, not giving Grizz a chance to argue. Grizz kissed his forehead and Sam wrapped his arms further around Grizz’s neck, hugging him tightly. He rested his head against Grizz’s shoulder as the two held each other. It was nice. It was comforting. Since all they had was texting, they talked a lot, about feelings and what was going on in their lives. He knew Sam was still going through a hard time dealing with his brother’s death, and his parents were going through an awful time as well. To have that moment to just comfort him physically was everything.

 

They were there for a long time, long enough for the song to repeat at least five times, not that Grizz minded how repetitive it was, and not enough for Grizz to wonder if Sam had actually picked out a playlist or if the song was just on repeat accidentally. Eventually Grizz pulled back a little, and Sam looked to him.

 

“How are things?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam shook his head, “don’t. _Things_ don’t exist right now. We’re at prom and that’s it.”

 

Grizz grinned, accepting the terms. “I can’t believe I’m here with the hottest guy in school.”

 

“Yeah, I know, you got pretty lucky,” Sam said.

 

The two laughed with each other. Grizz couldn’t believe just how in love he was with Sam, and to think that even after everything that happened, he only felt closer to Sam in every way possible let him know that he needed this forever.

 

“I love that you’re here. I didn’t think I’d see you for another couple weeks,” Grizz said.

 

“I had to come…I’ve missed you more in the past week than I’ve ever missed anyone in my entire life,” Sam said.

 

“I understand. I’m the same,” Grizz said.

 

“I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t be apart from you,” he said. That was all Grizz wanted to hear. He was so scared that after time apart Sam would get used to it, that he’d decide he didn’t want this anymore, but it had done the opposite.

 

“You don’t have to be,” Grizz told him, “we can be back together, _properly_.”

 

The two looked at each other; Sam’s gaze flicking to his lips. The two moved at the same time connecting their lips. It just felt so right, and Grizz was so desperate for more, not that he would ever push Sam, and it wasn’t just about hooking up or primal urges or anything like that. He just needed to be closer to him again.

 

Before Grizz could even begin to deepen the kiss, Sam pulled back, clearing his throat. It was too soon for him. Grizz understood that. Sam looked at him apologetically.

 

“It’s okay,” Grizz read his mind.

 

Sam dropped his arms and took a step back. Grizz went to protest when Sam spoke up.

 

“Can we go down to the river? I miss driving around with you,” Sam said.

 

Grizz smiled and nodded, “I’m sure Luke won’t mind if I borrow his car.”

 

And so, that’s what they did, just they got in the car, drove to their favourite place by the river, and talked until the sun came up.

 

\----

 

It was the day of the trial. Grizz had gotten no sleep the night before. It wasn’t like _he_ was the one on trial for murder or manslaughter. That was Elle. She was the one that was supposed to be nervous, but Grizz still found himself tossing and turning in his sleep as nerves bubbled up in him. Today he would have to sit in a court in front of Sam and Sam’s parents and tell them all what happened, even though they already knew. He was so afraid it would dig up old feelings Sam had towards him; the ones where he blamed him.

 

Grizz sat next to Clark in one of halls, waiting for it to be time to go in. Clark was supposed to speak first, then Grizz, Sam and Elle. Each of them had to recount the story, and the main goal was to get Elle off on self-defence. They had to prove that there was no other way for that night to go down. Grizz had to sit there in front of Campbell’s parents and tell them that their son tried to strangle him to death. Elle’s lawyer was certain this was an easy case, but doubt always crept into Grizz’s mind.

 

“Would you stop that?” Clark put his hand on Grizz’s knee, stopping him from jiggling it up and down.

 

“Aren’t you nervous?” Grizz asked.

 

“No,” Clark snorted, “I’ve barely got anything to say.”

 

“You have to tell them what you saw though, you know that, right? That you saw him on top of Elle hurting her, right?” Grizz urged.

 

“Dude, chill. I know what I’ve got to say,” Clark said, “and you do too. Just answer the people’s questions. Done. Easy.”

 

Grizz nodded. Sure, easy. If only he could shut his brain off for five minutes.

 

“Bro,” Clark hit him. Grizz looked at him before looking to where he was pointing. There was Sam, walking down the hall towards him with his parents by his side. Grizz wanted to go and talk to him, but instead he stayed put.

 

Grizz and Sam had seen a bit of each other in the weeks leading up to the trial. All in secret, of course. They wouldn’t do much, just hang out at Luke’s or Grizz would borrow Luke’s car and they’d go for a drive. It was kind of like they had just begun dating again, but it was nice. It was simple. The only thing stopping them from being a proper couple were Sam’s parents who still weren’t too keen on him. At least, Grizz thought they weren’t. Sam barely spoke of them when they hung out.

 

Sam and his parents walked straight past. Sam looked as tired as Grizz felt. The only difference to the last time Grizz saw him was that he finally had the cast off his hand.

 

“It’s okay, buddy. I’m here for ya today,” Clark said.

 

“Where’s Jason?” Grizz asked.

 

“I told him not to come,” Clark said.

 

“Same with Luke. Too many distractions. I just want this over,” Grizz said.

 

“It will be by tomorrow,” Clark said.

 

They sat there for a little while longer. Grizz kept his eye on the clock, knowing it was getting closer and closer to the beginning. Right before they had to go in, a woman came up to them.

 

“Clark, Gareth, I’m Fernanda, Elle’s lawyer,” the woman, Fernanda, said.

 

“Oh, hi,” Grizz greeted her.

 

“Just wanted to let you know I’m on your side here. This is a fairly clean cut case and both sides know it. We’re basically here to prove without a doubt that Elle had to do what she had to do. The prosecution shouldn’t have much of an argument against either of you. Just remember your story and stick to it. Remember, Elle is the victim here,” she reminded them.

 

All Grizz and Clark could do was nod. Fernanda gestured for them to head into the room. Grizz had noticed most people going in already, but was stalling. It wasn’t until Clark took his wrist that he finally got up. They went into the court room. It was a small room, and there was no jury. The sentencing would be handed out by the judge only. Grizz noticed Sam and his parents sitting in the front row. Elle was with her lawyer at a desk separated from the rest of the benches. Grizz tried to catch her gaze, but to no luck.

 

Clark took Grizz to a spare spot towards the middle of the room and they sat there, side by side. Looking around, Grizz noticed a few people from school had shown up; Campbell’s friends. Grizz hadn’t seen any of them since it all happened. He doubted any of them knew the entire story. He didn’t particularly care what they thought.

 

Grizz listened intently as the proceedings started. They were making opening statements about what everyone was there for, and then evidence was brought forward; the most incriminating being the knife that had been covered in Campbell’s blood and Elle’s fingerprints. There wasn’t a shadow of doubt that Elle had in fact done it. Hopefully the judge would see that she had to.

 

“Clark Beecher, take the stand,” the judge spoke.

 

Clark got up and left Grizz there, alone. That just made Grizz all the more anxious because he knew he was up next. That was the order they were told, and Grizz wondered if there was a way he could get out of this. There wasn’t.

 

Clark wasn’t actually up there for that long. They didn’t have many questions for him since he was barely involved, but he told them the post important thing; that he had walked in on Campbell attacking Elle, and that he defended her and Campbell had responded by harming him to the point of unconsciousness. It was already looking bad for Campbell and that made Grizz relax, only a little.

 

“Gareth Visser,” the judge called out, “please take the stand.”

 

Grizz got up, passing by Clark as he sat back down. Grizz went up to the booth that was situated next to the judge. On the other side of him was a man who had been using sign language the entire time, hired for Sam’s benefit, most likely by his parents.

 

Grizz held his breath, and then his eyes landed on Sam who was watching him right back. Sam signed ‘calm down’ to him. It was a sign that Grizz knew very well because Sam used it on him all the time whenever he was freaking out about anything, and just seeing Sam’s support had him letting out a breath before taking in a big one.

 

“Mr. Visser,” Fernanda, Elle’s lawyer, started, “can you tell us what your relationship with Campbell Eliot was like in the months leading up to his death?”

 

“Sure. Uhm…I never really used to talk to him or anything before I started dating his brother, Sam. But that was never really the reason I began to notice him,” Grizz said.

 

“Why did you notice him?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I noticed him because I knew he was dating Elle Tomkins and I saw bruises on her one day, and then there were more and more. I knew Campbell had done it because of the way they acted around each other,” Grizz said.

 

“Did you ever confront Campbell about this?” she asked.

 

“I did.”

 

“What happened?”  
  


“We argued a few times, and one day he cornered me and told me to stay out of his way, and to also break up with Sam or I would regret it,” Grizz said.

 

“Did Campbell ever threaten you?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Yes. He threatened me, and he threatened Sam,” Grizz said.

 

“Were you ever worried about your own life?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Not at that point. I thought he was all talk until the night he died,” Grizz said.

 

“What led you to be at the Eliot residence that night?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I was with Clark and received a text from Elle saying Campbell had hurt Sam, so the two of us raced over there,” Grizz said. He thought about his words carefully, hoping nerves didn’t make him fuck anything up or leave out any important details.

 

“What did you find when you got there?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I went straight to Sam’s room and found him crying on the floor. His hands were broken. He told me they had gotten into a fight about the night before,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened the night before?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I went to dinner with Sam, Campbell, Elle and Sam’s parents. I told his parents everything that Campbell had done to Elle, myself and Sam. Campbell wasn’t happy about it and stormed out,” Grizz explained. His voice was shaking. He regretted that night, in a way. It was the night Sam had been so angry with him, and he only hoped the court didn’t take the same stance.

 

“So, Sam and Campbell had been arguing about that night?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Yes. Sam had also found out that Campbell was responsible for a car crash involving myself, Sam and three of our friends,” Grizz said.

 

“What else do you know about that crash?” she asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“What happened next, after you found out this information,” Fernanda prompted.

 

“We heard Elle screaming my name, and what sounded like someone hitting someone. Clark and I ran down the hall to Campbell’s room and we saw Campbell on top of her. She had blood on her face and his hands were around her throat. He was choking her,” Grizz said.

 

“What happened next?”

 

“Clark and I got into an altercation with him. Clark got knocked out and, then it was just me and Campbell. He said he was going to kill me. He dragged me down the hall and threw me down the stairs. That’s when I realized just how dangerous Campbell could be. I realized I was in way over my head, and I tried to get away from him. I begged for him to stop and leave. I tried to get away but I was hurt,” Grizz explained.

 

“Where in the house were you at this point?” Fernanda asked.

 

“We were in the kitchen.”

 

“Were you alone?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“He got on top of me and had his hands around my throat, strangling me. He said he was…he was going to kill Sam. He…” Grizz paused, closing his eyes as he remembered one of the scariest moments in his life, “he just kept choking me, and I started seeing black. I…I started thinking of Sam and how I’d never see him again and then…”

 

“And then what?”

 

“And then Elle saved my life,” Grizz said, opening his eyes once more, not realizing just how much they had begun to water.

 

“How?”

 

“She got a knife and she stabbed Campbell,” Grizz said.

 

“Can you tell me in your own words what would have happened if she hadn’t?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Campbell would have killed me,” Grizz said, and then his eyes landed on Sam’s sad ones, “and there’s no doubt in my mind he would have gone upstairs and killed Sam. Elle did the right thing here. If she hadn’t…if Campbell had gone after Sam I…”

 

_I would have killed him myself._

 

Sam’s eyes didn’t show blame like they had once before. They showed understanding now. He got it. He knew what had to be done, as sad as it all was.

 

“Do you believe he would have killed Elle?” Fernanda went on.

 

Grizz thought for a moment, “if not that night, then one day.”

 

“Do you think there was any other way for Elle to stop Campbell from killing you?” Fernanda asked.

 

And sure, there could have been other ways. She could have knocked him out, but there was no guarantee that would have worked. There was no guarantee she could overpower him. She was tiny, and Campbell was a machine that night.

 

“No. That was the only way,” Grizz said.

 

Fernanda stepped back, looking to the judge, “I have no further questions, your honor.”

 

The judge nodded and Fernanda went back over to her desk, looking quite pleased with herself.

 

“Prosecution, questions?” the judge asked.

 

A man stood up at the desk opposite to Elle and Fernanda. This was what Grizz had been scared of; facing a prosecutor; possibly being torn up by them.

 

“Mr. Visser, you said you saw bruises on her, what makes you think it was Campbell who did that to her?” the man asked.

 

“She wasn’t hitting herself now, was she?” Grizz asked, a bit annoyed.

 

“But it could have been an accident,” the man said smugly.

 

“It was obvious. And she admitted it to me,” Grizz said.

 

“So, why did you not go to the police?” the man asked.

 

“Because I knew Elle would deny it. I knew she was scared. I-“

 

“So, if you _did_ go to the police, don’t you think this entire incident could have been avoided?” the man prodded.

 

“She was never going to confess, because she was scared of him,” Grizz said.

 

“So, instead of going to the police, you decided to pick a fight with him, in his own home,” the man said.

 

“No, I received a text message from Elle letting me know Campbell had hurt Sam. That was when I went over, found Sam hurt, and found Campbell hurting Elle and then Clark.”

 

“Right, so _then_ you started a fight with him, correct? Mr. Eliot was found bruised as well. Your knuckles had signs of a fight, did they not? Did you or did you not cause the fight that led to this boy’s death?” the man threw question after question, hitting Grizz’s soft points. He was so afraid people would blame him, and there this man was, doing just that.

 

 “Objection,” Fernanda stood, “Mr. Visser is not the one on trial here. There have been no charges filed against him. He cannot be on trial for getting into a fight with someone.”

 

“He can if the other boy ended up dead,” the man pointed out.

 

“Not at the hands of Mr. Visser,” Fernanda argued.

 

“At the hands of your client, Miss Tomkins,” the man argued back.

 

“In self-defence,” Fernanda snapped.

 

The Judge banged his gavel, getting everyone’s attention, “that’s enough, do you have any further questions?”

 

“No, your honor,” the man said, smirking, because he knew he had thrown some sort of doubt out there. The only thing was, it wasn’t doubt upon Elle. It was doubt upon Grizz, which made Grizz feel as though his entire statement was just going to get tossed to the side, as if he were the bad guy and his point of view was irrelevant.

 

“Mr. Visser, you are dismissed, and we will take a ten minute recess before we continue on,” the Judge spoke. He then stood, and everyone else stood along with him. He disappeared through a back door, and that was when Grizz stood, needing to get out of the room.

 

He left the court room and headed down the hallway, taking no note of anyone around him. He left the building, going out on the sidewalk to get some fresh air. He was breathing heavily, practically hyperventilating. It wasn’t even just about what everyone thought about him. It was that he could have screwed things up for Elle.

 

“Grizz,” a familiar and soothing voice spoke. Grizz turned and he saw not only Sam coming towards him, but his parents too. As if Grizz wasn’t freaking out enough.

 

“Sam…I’m sorry, I-“

 

Grizz stopped just as Sam flung his arms around his shoulders in a tight and comforting hug. Grizz froze, glancing up at Sam’s mom and dad who stood a short distance away from them. Grizz didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even know what Sam’s parents thought of him. His mom was clutching her handbag tightly, not looking open or inviting at all. His dad though, well, he nodded at Grizz, almost as if silently giving his blessing.

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked as he pulled back.

 

“Uhm…” Grizz’s mind went blank as he looked at him, “I don’t know. That was hard.”

 

“I’m sorry he went after you like that. You know what he was saying isn’t true, right?” Sam asked.

 

In that moment, Grizz realized that the only person’s opinion that mattered was Sam’s. If he believed in him then everything was okay.

 

“I know. I’m just freaking out a little. I just…hope Elle doesn’t get sent to prison, you know?” Grizz said.

 

“She won’t,” Sam assured him, “trust me. I’ve spoken to her. She’s got evidence. There’s no way anyone is going to prosecute her.”

 

Grizz hoped he was right.

 

“Grizz?” Sam’s mom spoke. Grizz looked up at her, surprised that she was addressing him.

 

“Yes, Mrs. Eliot?” Grizz asked politely. She stepped closer to him, her husband by her side.

 

“I’m…sorry my son did those things to you,” she said slowly, almost like she was trying to stop herself from bursting into tears.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Grizz said.

 

She nodded, “I want…uhm…one day…I want you to be part of our family…because…I know Sam loves you. I’m just…I’m not ready for you to be around yet.”

 

“Mrs. Eliot, I love Sam, and I respect your wishes. I’ll stay away for as long as you need me to,” Grizz said.

 

She nodded again, but didn’t say anything before she turned and walked off, looking frail and emotional, which of course made sense. Grizz couldn’t imagine what she was going through. The selfish part of him was elated though that she seemed to accept him, or at least be on the right path to do so.

 

“See you boys back in there,” Mr. Eliot spoke before he turned and caught up to his wife.

 

Sam and Grizz looked to each other. It probably wasn’t a good idea to be seen alone like that right before Sam had to testify. Who knew what the prosecution would do with that information.

 

“We should go back in,” Sam said.

 

“Good luck up there. I know it’s tough,” Grizz said.

 

“The worst part is talking bad about Campbell in front of my mom. I don’t think she’s really ready to accept the type of person he was,” Sam said.

 

“She just needs time,” Grizz said.

 

Sam nodded, “I know…let’s go back in.”

 

The two of them headed back up the stairs to the court house. Sam went in first and Grizz waited a moment before going in too. He headed back to the room and found Clark where he had left him. He sat down next to him.

 

“You okay, bro?” Clark asked.

 

“That sucked,” Grizz said.

 

“Dude, you did fine. That prostitute guy was a dick,” Clark said.

 

“Prosecutor,” Grizz corrected.

 

“I know what I said,” Clark said with a grin.

 

Grizz tried to smile back, but he was just so worried. “I just want them to sentence her already and I hope it’s not jail time.”

 

“It won’t be,” Clark said, and he seemed so sure of himself.

 

The two sat there for a few more minutes as everyone piled back into the room, including the judge who was quick to call Sam up onto the stand. Grizz watched Sam carefully, hoping things went smoothly for him, because if the prosecutor attacked him in the way he attacked Grizz, then Grizz might just climb over the desk and beat the shit out of him.

 

“Mr. Eliot, can you tell us what your relationship was like with your brother before the night in question?” Fernanda asked. Sam watched the interpreter sign what was said before he answered, signing and speaking himself.

 

“We were never close. We never got along,” Sam said.

 

“Did you ever feel like he was a dangerous person?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did he ever threaten you or hurt you to make you think this?” Fernanda asked.

 

Sam looked out to Grizz before he nodded, “yes.”

 

“How many times?” Fernanda asked.

 

“A few, but….one stood out more than the rest,” Sam said.

 

“Can you tell the court what happened?” Fernanda asked.

 

Sam nodded, and again, his gaze landed on Grizz.

 

“I never told anyone this. I thought it was just my problem, that I could handle it. That I could handle him, and maybe if I had spoken up then…maybe this wouldn’t have happened,” Sam said, his eyes showing guilt, and Grizz wondered what in the world he was talking about.

 

“A little while after I started seeing Grizz, Campbell was mad because he felt like Grizz was standing in the way of him and Elle, so he decided he wanted to get in the way of me and Grizz. One day after school he forced me to get into his car and he drove me out of town. I thought he was going to kill me. When he stopped the car, he got out. I went to lock the doors to lock myself in but he was quicker than me. He dragged me out of the car and then he told me to break up with Grizz. When I said no, he got mad. He pinned me to the hood of his car and put his hands around my throat. I thought he wasn’t going to stop. I thought he was going to kill me… but then he didn’t. He stopped, and he left me there. He just drove away, but… I was so scared of him and what he could do, but…I still under-estimated him and what he was capable of doing,” Sam finished.

 

Grizz couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew Campbell told Sam to breakup with him, but he didn’t know it was like _that_. He didn’t know he had hurt him, that he had scared him that much. Grizz found himself fighting back tears. He was supposed to protect his boyfriend. He was supposed to be there, but instead he had no clue what had happened.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Grizz signed. Sam looked away from him and back at the interpreter.

 

They went on, asking Sam pretty much the same sort of questions they had asked Grizz. They just wanted to know what happened that night, and since Sam was locked in a room when Campbell died, his questioning was shorter, and the prosecution didn’t attack him like they had done to Grizz. All Sam’s time on the stand did was show even more how dangerous Campbell was as a person.

 

“Miss Elle Tomkins, please take the stand,” the Judge spoke.

 

This was what everyone had been waiting for; the girl in question who had either been labelled a murderer, or an abuse victim, and it would all come down to the judge’s opinion. Elle stood and took the stand. She sat down, and silence fell over the entire room.

 

Another man was there. He wheeled out a large screen, and Fernanda stood with a remote control. She pressed a button and up on the screen was a picture of Elle’s face, her eye bruised. Fernanda pressed another button, and the picture changed, showing Elle covering her chest and showing her torso littered with bruises. Another picture showed her thighs with hand prints on them. Another showed her back. Another her wrists, more of her torso, her neck. There were dozens of pictures, all obviously from different times, showing different arrangements of bruises.

 

It clicked in Grizz’s mind that Elle had never been oblivious to the abuse that Campbell had thrust upon her. She knew what he was doing and she had recorded it, in case something like this happened, not that anyone could have predicted Campbell dying. Grizz knew Elle had been scared, but he wished that she had come forward sooner with this evidence.

 

“Your honor,” the prosecutor stood, “there is no proof that the bruises in those photographs are real, let alone that they were done by Mr. Eliot.”

 

Fernanda didn’t say a word. She simply hit the ‘next’ button, and up came not a picture, but a video. The screen was shaking and it took a few seconds for Grizz to realize what was going on. What became obvious was that Elle was holding her phone with the camera on discreetly and Campbell was across the kitchen.

 

“Please just stop,” video Elle’s voice shook.

 

“This is your fucking fault!” Campbell yelled at her. He threw a plate clean across the room, and it didn’t hit Elle, but it smashed by her feet.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it…” Elle cried.

 

Campbell took a step towards her and that’s when Elle ran. The camera was a mess, barely able to tell what was going on, but it was obvious. Elle was screaming. There was the thudding of punches against skin, and as she dropped her phone, Campbell’s face appeared, a smirk upon it, and then Fernanda pressed pause.

 

“Holy shit,” Clark whispered.

 

Holy shit was right. Even if Grizz knew what had been happening being closed doors, seeing it was a whole other story. It was intense and had everyone, even the prosecutor, speechless.

 

“Elle,” Fernanda started, “how many times in the duration of your relationship with Campbell Eliot did you fear for your life?”

 

“Too many to count.”

 

“How many times did you fear for the lives of your friends?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Twice.”

 

“Tell me about them,” Fernanda prodded.

 

“One was the night Campbell died, but the other happened weeks before that,” Elle said.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Campbell and I had broken up, but we got back together. He convinced me that he changed and that he loved me and things would be different, and they were for a few days. But then…he did something I never thought he would be capable of,” Elle said.

 

“What did he do?”

 

“We left school one day, and he parked his car and told me to get out. I just did what he told me to do, but then he broke into this random pick-up truck. He hot-wired the car and told me to get in. I told him I didn’t want to, so he grabbed my arm and forced me into the car and locked the doors. It was then that I realized he hadn’t changed and was just as controlling and abusive as ever,” Elle said.

 

“What happened next?” Fernanda urged her to continue.

 

“He started driving, and at first I thought he just wanted to go for a joy-ride, you know? He did these sorts of things all the time, but then…we got to this intersection and the light was red, but he just kept driving through it. He sped up. And I was screaming at him to stop because I saw the car and I knew he’d run into them, but he kept going. We hit the car, but we were fine. It wasn’t until we were close enough that I realized Grizz, Sam and their friends were in the car. That’s when I realized he went after them on purpose,” Elle said.

 

“What happened after you fled the scene?” Fernanda asked.

 

“We dumped the car on a random back street and he took my hand and made me run back to his car. I was so freaked out and scared I just followed him. He drove us home and once we had stopped he told me that if I ever told anyone or tried to leave him again that next time he would finish the job and kill Grizz,” Elle said.

 

“Why did he have this vendetta against Mr. Visser?” Fernanda asked.

 

“Because Grizz was always trying to help me get away from him,” Elle said.

 

“Objection, what has any of this got to do with that night?” the prosecutor asked, but everyone could see his argument was weak. Everyone was captivated by what Elle was saying to them, hooked on every word, including the Judge.

 

“It’s important for us to know the kind of person Miss Tomkins was dealing with. It’s important to know what she believed he was capable of. It’s important to know the fear that led to her taking such drastic measures,” Fernanda explained.

 

“Should we all go out and kill the people we’re scared of?” the prosecutor asked.

 

“If that person is about to murder another person and you believe the only way to stop it from happening is to kill them, then yes,” Fernanda said solidly.  

 

“Let’s get to the night in question,” the Judge urged.

 

And so, Elle went into full detail, recounting everything that had happened that night, and it was so interesting to hear it from her perspective; how she had watched Campbell hurt Sam and how she knew that was enough, that she had to do something, how she texted Grizz and Campbell saw her. She told everyone how Campbell promised her he would kill all of them that night, because if he was going down, then he would take everyone down with him.

 

“What were you doing when Grizz and Campbell were downstairs fighting?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I was trying to wake Clark up. I was scared Campbell killed him,” Elle said.

 

“Then what?”

 

“When I couldn’t wake him, I went downstairs. I was going to run, but then I saw Campbell on top of Grizz in the kitchen, choking him,” Elle said.

 

“What thoughts were going through your head at that time?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I thought Campbell was going to kill him, and I couldn’t let that happen,” Elle said.

 

“So, what did you do?” Fernanda asked.

 

“I tried pushing Campbell off him. I tried hitting him. I tried knocking him out with a pan, but none of those things worked,” Elle said.

 

She looked to Grizz and Grizz was staring right back at her. That was a lie. He knew it, and she knew it. She hadn’t tried pushing Campbell off him at all.

 

“I felt like there was nothing else I could do except… I found a knife…and I stabbed him,” Elle admitted what everyone already knew.

 

“In your opinion, was there any other way to make him stop?” Fernanda asked.

 

“No,” Elle said.

 

The question and answer had completely obliterated the prosecutions entire argument that Elle could have done something else. The prosecution tried arguing it too, of course they did, but it was clear they had come up short. The arguing went on a lot longer than it needed to, and the prosecution was definitely grasping at straws, but Elle’s lawyer threw every argument back in their faces.

 

Eventually, the Judge told Elle to take her place back at the defendant’s table, and then he addressed the court.

 

“We will reconvene tomorrow morning at nine o’clock for the sentencing,” the Judge spoke.

 

Grizz inwardly groaned. He knew decisions as big as this took time, and he also knew it was late in the day so of course they’d have to come back tomorrow. Still, Grizz wished they would have just told them then and there.

 

The Judge got up and left, going through the back door once more, and that gave permission for everyone else to leave.

 

“We can go now?” Clark asked.

 

“Yeah,” Grizz nodded, but his eyes were on Sam as he got up and walked from the room with his parents. God damn it. He really wanted to see him. He wanted to talk about what he heard on that stand, about what Campbell had done to him. He just wanted to be there for him, but at that time it was probably more important for him to be with his parents.

 

Clark and Grizz got up, heading out of the court room together. Grizz also really wanted to see Elle but it still wasn’t a good idea. They weren’t supposed to be seen with each other until after the trial completely. At least her parents were there with her, and Grizz had decided he really liked her dad. He seemed supportive.

 

Grizz and Clark made it back to Clark’s car. As Grizz got in and they drove off, he felt a little relieved that the actual getting up and speaking in front of people thing was over. Now it was all the hands of the Judge and Grizz hoped he was a compassionate enough man to realize that Elle had been the victim here all along.

 

“You alright?” Clark asked.

 

“Hm?”

 

“You good?” Clark asked again.

 

“Oh, yeah…yeah, I’m fine,” Grizz said.

 

“You wanna come hang with me and Jason?” Clark asked.

 

“No, just drop me off home, thanks though,” Grizz said.

 

Clark just nodded and headed towards Luke’s place.

 

\---

 

Grizz stood in the shower later that night, spending much longer in there than was necessary, but the water cascading over his head was more comforting than, well, not having it. He didn’t want to get out, because being out meant being back in the real world and facing reality. He had his eyes closed, his head resting against the cool tile wall, and he had barely moved for the last twenty minutes. It had been such an emotionally exhausting day that he found himself shutting down.

 

 _One more day_ , Grizz kept telling himself. That was all. In twelve hours Elle would be sentenced, the case would be closed, and maybe they could all move on with their lives, Campbell free. It had occurred to Grizz that the majority of the time he and Sam weren’t on good terms, it was because of Campbell. Maybe with him out of the picture, they could be happy. Grizz didn’t know whether to feel selfish about that thought or not, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t feel sorry for Campbell dying.

 

The moment the water ran cold he finally broke out of his stupor. Thankfully it was late at night and no one was going to miss out on the hot water. He always made sure he showered last. He felt a little as though he might have over-stayed his welcome at the Holbrook’s, even though logically he knew he would always have a home there. Still, he tried to make himself as inconspicuous as possible at all times.

 

Once he was dried and dressed in a t-shirt and boxers, he picked his phone up from his desk and flopped onto his bed. He had no messages despite his half an hour absence. He decided to send a text to Sam.

 

 **I love you. Hope you’re okay xx** – Grizz.

 

Sam read the message straight away and Grizz lay there, waiting, and waiting, _and waiting_. It wasn’t until about ten minutes later that he finally got a reply.

 

 **Can I come over?** – Sam.

 

Grizz’s heart leapt into his throat. He had been so on edge lately, thinking that something could so easily change in his relationship with Sam. Even if Sam seemed okay in their relationship, there hadn’t been a whole lot of reassurance lately. It left Grizz feeling a bit insecure, but he also wasn’t sure if that was just his anxiety talking.

 

 **I’d come get you but Luke is out with his car.** – Grizz.

 

 **It’s not far. Be there soon.** – Sam.

 

 **Text me when you’re outside.** – Grizz.

 

Grizz sat up, crossing his legs as he stared at his phone. Why would Sam want to come over so late? He could have mentioned wanting to hang out when they saw each other at the courthouse, but he hadn’t. And it was nearing midnight. What could have been so important that he’d want to see him?

 

Wanting to get his mind off the worst-case scenarios, he opened his messages to Elle to check in on her. She was still awake, sending a reply at lightening speed.

 

 **How you holding up?** – Grizz.

 

 **Do u think I’d look cool with a prison gang tattoo?** – Elle.

 

 **Stop it. You’re not going to jail** – Grizz.

 

 **Do you think I’d have bitches, or be the bitch?** – Elle.

 

 **STOP. You did good today. No way the judge is gonna send you to prison** – Grizz.

 

 **Juvie, maybe. Promise you’ll visit?** – Elle.

 

 **Promise *eye roll*** \- Grizz.

 

 **So you think I’m going?** – Elle.

 

 **NO!!!!** – Grizz.

 

 **Bake me a cake with a knife in it** – Elle.

 

 **Sure** – Grizz.

 

 **In all seriousness tho thanks for having my back today** – Elle.

 

 **Anytime** – Grizz.

 

 **How are you and Sam?** – Elle.

 

 **Okay. I think** – Grizz.

 

 **You think?** – Elle.

 

 **We haven’t exactly had the smoothest relationship. Freaks me out sometimes that something will go wrong or he’ll get over me or something** – Grizz.

 

 **Pretty sure u two will get married one day** – Elle.

 

 **That’s if we even make it past the summer** – Grizz.

 

 **At least ur boyfriend is still alive** – Elle.

 

 **That was dark** – Grizz.

 

 **Sorry. Humor helps. I’m actually crying** – Elle.

 

 **Really?** – Grizz.

 

 **No** – Elle.

 

Grizz paused, wondering if she was being serious, but also because he had a text from Sam telling him he was there.

 

 **Sam’s here. I gotta go. Are you okay?** – Grizz.

 

 **I actually am. I’ll see you tomorrow** – Elle.

 

 **See you then** – Grizz.

 

Grizz turned the torch on his phone on to light the way when he left his room. Luke’s parents were asleep and he didn’t want to wake them by switching on lights. He went downstairs and opened the front door. Standing there, as promised, was Sam. It was too dark to speak, so Grizz just took his hand and led him through the house back up to his room.

 

Grizz adored what Sam had done for prom a couple of weeks ago, and so he hadn’t been bothered to take the purple light bulb out or take down the decorations, so when they entered the room and Grizz turned the light on, they were illuminated in purple. The color just reminded him of what Sam had done for him and made him feel happy and content whenever he was in there.

 

Grizz shut the door behind them and was about to explain why he still had the decorations up, when instead, Sam’s lips were on his, silencing them before they got a chance to utter even one word. Taken a little off guard, Grizz stumbled back against the door. _Jesus_ , okay. So much for thinking there was something wrong.

 

Grizz was quick to compose himself and kiss Sam back. He thought it was just a hello kiss, like normal, but when he found himself being led over to his bed by the boy in question, he realized Sam didn’t want to just say hello to him. Before he knew it, he was sitting on the edge of the bed with Sam straddling him; their lips never leaving the other’s for even a second.

 

Grizz had been craving more from Sam for a while. Their relationship, while thankfully still there, had been like it was on hold, subject to a few kisses here and there and a lot of talking, so he wasn’t about to argue if Sam wanted to do something else that night.

 

Sam leant against Grizz, forcing him onto his back. Their tongues gliding together, giving Grizz a taste of mint and the strawberry Chapstick Sam liked to use sometimes. Somehow just tasting that, sensing the familiarity of it, turned Grizz on more than he ever would have thought. He ran his hands through Sam’s hair, kissing him back hungrily.

 

Sam rocked against him, sending tingles right through to his crotch. His tongue was doing wonders to him, keeping him wanting more, craving more. It was mesmerizing and distracting, so distracting that Grizz seemed to lose track of time and all ability to function like a normal human. Sam always had a way of doing that to him, whenever they got physical. It was like every brain cell Grizz had died and he was at Sam’s mercy. This time wasn’t any different.

 

Sam slid his hand up Grizz’s shirt, trailing his fingers lightly up his sides, making him shiver. He missed Sam touching him like that so badly. He whimpered as Sam’s lips left his and instead went to his neck, kissing up and down it, running his tongue along the dips of his collarbone, and biting under his earlobe.

 

Grizz moaned quietly, arching his back as Sam took complete control over him by slipping his hand past the fabric of his boxers. His skin heated as he took in a shaky breath, trying his best to control himself. He didn’t know what gotten into Sam, and a huge part of him didn’t care because, well, his brain wasn’t exactly in the state of mind for logic, but that little voice in the back of his head made him think that maybe he needed to talk to Sam. The little voice won.

 

Grizz pushed at Sam’s chest, not too hard, but hard enough to get his attention. Sam pulled back a little and looked down at him through innocent eyes, but his hand was still mercilessly stroking him.

 

“Uh, what are we…I mean…I know what we’re doing but…are you okay?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam broke into a grin and nodded, “I’m fine. I just…need you. I don’t want to be apart anymore. I also don’t want to talk right now.”

 

He didn’t seem upset or emotional in any way, but Grizz still asked him, “are you sure?”

 

Sam nodded again, “yes…I want you, Grizz. It’s been too long.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Grizz laughed.

 

Sam bit his bottom lip as he smiled back before he got up off the bed, his body heat leaving Grizz’s. Grizz propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Sam took off his shoes and then stripped naked right in front of him. Grizz let out a heavy exhale. He really didn’t think Sam had any idea what he did to him.

 

“You are…so…fucking…” Grizz stopped, at a loss for words. Hot? Sexy? Attractive? Sam was all of those things and more, but none of the words could do him justice.

 

“I’m so, what?” Sam asked.

 

He turned away, going to the drawers. He took out the lube and a condom, tossing it on the bed before he went back to Grizz, straddling him once more. Grizz’s heart was racing having his boyfriend so close to him, without a trace of clothing on his body. He knew he was the luckiest person in the world, because _what the fuck,_ how did he end up being with the person he had been pining over for _years_? Just, how?

 

“I’m so what?” Sam asked again as he played with hair at the back of Grizz’s neck.

 

“Perfect,” Grizz answered.

 

The answer made Sam smile so wide and Grizz knew that if the room wasn’t illuminated in purple that his cheeks would be pink, or maybe red, if he were lucky. Before Sam could kiss him again, Grizz gripped his hips tightly and guided him off of him. He practically tossed him to the bed, flipping them over. He planted his lips on Sam’s for only a moment before he got off the bed.

 

He tore his clothes off, more than eager to be naked with Sam. He climbed back on top of him, being welcomed by Sam’s ‘grabby’ hands as he pulled him down. Their lips brushed together lightly before the impatient Sam kissed him hard. Grizz could kiss him for hours on end, and he probably was taking a little too long indulging in that, not that Sam seemed to mind.

 

He slowly moved his body against Sam’s, the skin to skin contact getting him all worked up. Sam had his arms around Grizz’s back, his hands exploring the plane of skin he already knew so well. Grizz didn’t want to leave the embrace. Sure, he wanted to do so much more to Sam, but this was really fucking good too.

 

Sam, always the impatient one, eventually reached over and grabbed the lube, pressing it to Grizz’s chest. Getting the hint, Grizz took it and reluctantly pulled out of the kiss, but that didn’t mean his lips ever had to leave Sam’s body. He trailed them down his neck, to his chest, down his stomach, nibbling on all the spots he knew made Sam gasp.

 

He got to Sam’s cock quickly, through the eagerness of the both of them. He took Sam in his mouth, relishing in how hard he already was for him. Sam took in a sharp breath, already wriggling against him. With one hand, Grizz’s held his thigh, forcing him to stay still. With the other he expertly flicked open the cap of the lube and poured some onto his fingers before dropping it. He glanced up at Sam briefly to make sure he still wanted it, and expecting the look, Sam was quick to nod. Grizz took that as the greenlight and slowly slid one finger inside him, all while bobbing his head up and down, making sure Sam received every bit of pleasure Grizz could possibly thrust upon him.

 

They had done this enough to get into some sort of a routine. Sam liked this part, but he liked what came after most, and being the impatient person that Grizz knew him to be, meant that he wanted it over with quickly to get to the ‘good part’, as he often said. Grizz, however, liked to make sure he was well and truly prepared because he never, ever, wanted to hurt him.

 

As Grizz worked in his second and third fingers, Sam was writhing around; his stomach rising and falling quickly. Maybe Sam wanted Grizz to get this part over with because he liked it a little _too_ much. The thought had Grizz keeping up his work, not stopping until Sam asked him too.

 

“Grizz…” Sam finally said after barely five minutes. Grizz pulled back, his mouth leaving Sam’s slick cock as he looked up at him, head tilted to the side.

 

“Yes?”

 

Sam motioned for Grizz to come back to him. Grizz did so. He slid his fingers out and crawled back up to Sam, face to face. Sam grinned mischievously before he pushed Grizz’s shoulder, easily flipping him onto his back. Sam picked up the condom before he got on top of Grizz; his knees on either side of his hips.

 

“Not in the mood for teasing. It’s my way,” Sam told him.

 

Grizz, knowing his place, nodded quickly. He would do anything Sam wanted, to be honest. Sam ripped open the condom wrapper with his teeth. Another major turn on for Grizz. He stroked Grizz a few times, as if he wasn’t hard enough already, and then slid the condom on. Sam sat back, looking down at Grizz.

 

‘I love you,’ Sam signed.

 

‘I love you, too,’ Grizz signed back.

 

Sam grinned wide once more before he sat up on his knees, shuffling up on Grizz. Grizz held Sam’s hips and guided him as Sam reached behind him, taking Grizz’s cock in his hand. Grizz’s gaze kept flicking back and forth from what Sam was doing, back up to his eyes. It wasn’t a bad view that Grizz had, _at all_.

 

Sam carefully sunk down onto Grizz, and Grizz watched himself as he disappeared into Sam. He closed his eyes, taking in the feel of Sam around him. He let out a shaky breath as Sam started to move slowly, up and down. Grizz gripped his hips a little harder as he held back his own moan. He would _never_ get over this feeling.

 

Sam’s hands, that had been on Grizz’s chest, slid up to his neck, before his fingers tangled in his hair. His lips landed on Grizz’s in a messy, quivering kiss. Grizz kissed him back with a sense of urgency, savoring every little second of it, because while he knew that he had Sam, he also knew how unpredictable life was and he wanted to make sure he appreciated every moment they had together.

 

Sam hummed against Grizz’s lips as he sped up a little. He rolled his hips, driving Grizz absolutely crazy. Knowing there was no way he could hold out long enough for Sam to be satisfied too, Grizz reached down between them and wrapped his hand around Sam’s length, stroking him in time with his movements to get him there quicker.

 

It was wild knowing that they could be doing this whenever they wanted for the rest of their lives. It was all Grizz wanted. It was all he _ever_ wanted, and he knew he would never get bored of it. How could he? Sam was _everything_ to him.

 

Sam stopped kissing Grizz. He pulled back and looked down at him; Grizz looking back. It was _comfortable_. It was right. Whatever doubts Grizz had about their relationship flew out the window because everything about them, in that moment, was so perfect and he knew they were meant to be. He would never connect with anyone on such a level for as long as he lived.

 

He took Sam’s hand and put it on his chest, right over his heart, hoping Sam could feel just how fast it was racing. Sam just smirked with a devilish grin in his eyes as he sped up. Grizz groaned, way too loud, and quickly covered his own mouth with his hand.

 

“Are you being loud?” Sam asked.

 

Grizz nodded, dropping his hand. “Can’t help it.”

 

“I love I can make you feel that way,” Sam whispered. He was merciless, grinding his hips, and falling down on Grizz harder and faster each time.

 

“Y-you have n-no idea,” Grizz said.

 

“I do. I feel the same,” Sam said.

 

“Really?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded with a smile, “you make me wanna come every time you touch me.”

 

“Stop it…” Grizz pleaded, because he really couldn’t handle that.

 

Sam just smiled wider, “love you.”

 

“I love you more,” Grizz said, and before Sam could argue, he sat up, capturing his lips. Sam gave in, kissing him back, their tongues already playing together.

 

Sam stayed on top of Grizz, his hips working like magic, and the two of them tried to hold out for as long as they could, they really did, but there was only so much they could take. For once, Sam came first, shuddering on top of Grizz, biting back a moan and shoving his face into Grizz’s neck. That was all Grizz could take. The moment he felt Sam convulse around him, he bucked his hips while holding Sam’s firmly. He climaxed hard, feeling his entire body soar into the sky. He never wanted to come down from that high. He wanted to feel it over and over again, and the thing was that he didn’t need sex for it to happen. All he needed was for Sam to be in his arms.

 

The two lay on Grizz’s bed, Sam on top still, breathing heavily, not too worried about the mess they just made, and much too lazy to even think about getting up. Grizz held him tightly as he idly littered the top of his head with kisses. Sam nuzzled into him, and Grizz could tell he was tired. It was late, after all, and it had been a long day.

 

“I don’t wanna get up but…” Sam trailed off.                                          

 

But, they were a mess. Grizz didn’t want to get up either. He wanted to stay in bed consumed by Sam for eternity. They couldn’t fall asleep like that though. Grizz placed another kiss upon Sam’s head before rolling them over and getting off of him.

 

‘Stay here,’ Grizz signed.

 

He went over to the on-suite bathroom and went in. Being a lot messier than Sam he had the quickest shower imaginable before getting out and drying. He wet a cloth and headed back to Sam.

 

“I can,” Sam said, holding out his hand for the cloth.

 

Grizz shook he head and sat by Sam on the bed. He gingerly cleaned Sam, even though Sam was rolling his eyes at the gesture, but Grizz really liked taking care of him however he could. Once he was done, he threw the cloth in the direction of the bathroom, and looked down at his sleepy boyfriend.

 

“I’m so stupid,” Grizz said.

 

“What?”

 

“I said, I’m so stupid,” Grizz repeated.

 

“Well, yeah, but why?” Sam giggled.

 

Grizz smiled gently, shaking his head, “it’s dumb, but…when you said you wanted to come over…for a moment I thought maybe you wanted to break up with me or something.”

 

Sam frowned as he shook his head, “no.”

 

“Obviously I know that now,” Grizz laughed.

 

“I don’t ever want to break up with you,” Sam murmured.

 

“Good.”

 

“I’m gonna marry you one day,” he whispered.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Not if I marry you first,” Grizz challenged.

 

“Get me a ring,” Sam said through a yawn.

 

“Go to sleep before we start making plans to elope,” Grizz joked.

 

“Let’s go. I say Vegas,” Sam said.

 

Grizz just shook his head before getting up. He went over to the light and switched it off. He made his way back over in the dark, crawling in under the covers and pulling them over both himself and Sam. The two cuddled in tight to the other, knowing that they were better than they had ever been and could make it through anything.

 

\---

 

The next day Grizz once again found himself in the courtroom, sitting next to Clark. Elle was at her spot at the front with her parents, and Sam and his parents were at the front on the opposite side. It killed both he and Sam for Sam to leave him early that morning, but his parents needed him, and Grizz understood that.

 

The few seconds that the judge took to get himself set up at the front felt like it took hours. Grizz wondered just how long it would take for them to announce a verdict. It turned out, it actually wasn’t that long. After he announced the case once more, he got right to it.

 

“Miss Tomkins, please rise,” the Judge requested.

 

Elle did as she was told. She stood, and silence fell over the room.

 

“I can’t watch,” Grizz said under his breath to Clark.

 

Clark patted his thigh comfortingly, but really, nothing could comfort Grizz except hearing that Elle was going to be okay. She couldn’t go to prison for saving his life. She just couldn’t.

 

“I have to admit that the sentencing of you, Miss Tomkins, has been somewhat of a tough decision,” the Judge began, “while I do believe you were acting on impulse, fear and self-defence, it is important to not forget that a young life was lost. He has a family who is missing him and a future that could have been salvaged if he received the correct help that he clearly needed.”

 

“Fuck. She’s fucked,” Grizz whispered.

 

“No way,” Clark whispered back.

 

“Last night after the trial, I was approached in an unprecedented way by Jack and Catherine Eliot, and that meeting, Miss Tomkins, has saved your life. They do not believe any more harm should come to a young life, and after much consideration, I agree. Miss Tomkins, you will serve no jail time, but you will be required to attend weekly psychology consultations for the next six months as per requested by Mrs. Eliot. That is all, this case is closed. You are free to go, Miss Tomkins,” the Judge spoke.

 

There was chatter, a lot of it, and Grizz had to take a moment to register what was said and if he had heard it right.

 

“Dude, she’s fine. Told you,” Clark said, slapping Grizz on the back.

 

“She’s free?” Grizz asked.

 

“Yeah, bro. She’s good,” Clark said.

 

Grizz looked over to where Elle was, hugging her parents tightly. Then, he looked to Sam who was with his parents too. Grizz didn’t know who to go talk to or if he was even allowed to go and talk to either of them. All he knew was that he was absolutely elated. Elle had saved his life and she wasn’t going to be punished for it.

 

“So, can we go now?” Clark asked.

 

“Shit, uhm… I wanted to wait to talk to Elle and Sam,” Grizz said, which was only a problem because Clark was his ride.

 

“That’s cool. I’m gonna wait in the car though,” Clark said.

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah man, I’m good. Try not to be too long,” Clark said.

 

“Okay,” Grizz nodded as the two stood up, “thanks, Clark. Really. For just…being here.” Because Clark didn’t _have_ to come to the sentencing, and Grizz knew he didn’t want to go but still did so Grizz wouldn’t be by himself.

 

“Of course. You’re my friend,” Clark said.

 

Grizz smiled and stepped forward, pulling him into a quick hug. Clark returned it before stepping back.

 

“I won’t be long,” Grizz said.

 

Clark just gave a nod before he left, and Grizz once again looked around. Everyone was filing out of the room. Grizz’s gaze landed on Dewey, Harry and a few other of Campbell’s friends who all shot him dirty looks, but honestly, if they didn’t see that Campbell got what he deserved after everything they heard and saw yesterday then they were lost causes.

 

Grizz hung around, waiting for all the civilians to leave the room. Sam and his parents had left with them, disappointing Grizz a little. He supposed he’d wait to see if he could talk to Elle. She was still with her parents. She locked eyes with him and held up a finger, signalling for him to wait a moment. Grizz did so. He waited as she spoke to her parents and they nodded before they left her.

 

Once alone in the near-empty room, except for people who actually worked there, Elle came over to Grizz and the two were quick to embrace each other in a bone crushing hug. It was then that it hit Grizz with full force that Elle was okay, that she was free, and it was such a relief. Grizz could feel all of his problems, all of the tension, leaving his mind and body.

 

“I’m so happy for you, Elle,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m so relieved. I know I joked about jail but I was really scared,” Elle said.

 

“It’s okay now,” Grizz murmured. He pulled back, keeping Elle within arms-length.

 

She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “It doesn’t feel real. I mean…I _killed_ someone and it’s just…over.”

 

“You didn't kill someone. You saved me, and yourself,” Grizz reminded her.

 

She nodded, “I know…I know.”

 

“So what now?” Grizz asked her, because yeah, she got away with it, but her life would probably be forever changed.

 

“Home-schooling. My parents don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go back to school and we don’t have the money to move. So…that’s the plan until college next year and then I’m moving far, far away where no one knows my name,” she said.

 

“I know that I’m gonna be gone soon, but I’m still gonna be there for you, you know? And Sam, Becca. Jason and Clark are staying in town too. I’ll make sure they’ve got your back so no one will mess with you,” Grizz said.

 

“I feel like after Campbell I can handle anyone,” Elle said. And that was a sad thought.

 

“Listen,” Elle went on, “can you do me a favor? Maybe…go somewhere with me?”

 

“Sure, where?” Grizz asked.

 

“Campbell’s grave,” Elle said, and Grizz wasn’t sure what he was expecting her to say but it wasn’t _that_.

 

“You wanna visit him?” Grizz asked with a frown.   

 

“I don’t want to go alone and my parents wouldn’t get it. But I just feel like I need the closure, you know? Like, I know he’s dead but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Every time I get a text, I think it’s him. Knock on the door? It’s him. A random sound in the night? Him. Sometimes I just can’t get it through my head,” Elle said.

 

“Makes sense,” Grizz nodded along, “yeah, we can go.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Clark’s waiting out front, so he’ll take us. Your parents cool with that?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, I told them I was going to hang out with you, and I think they really like you, actually, so they’re okay with it,” she said.

 

“Cool, let’s go,” Grizz said.

 

The two of them headed out of the room and into the hall where thankfully a lot of people had left. Grizz took Elle’s wrist, not wanting to go down the main steps of the courthouse. He took her through a corridor which led to a fire escape exit instead and went out. Who knew if there would be any media or anything like that waiting outside.

 

The two of them headed around the side of the building and out to the front. There was a bit of a crowd there, but Grizz paid them no mind. He tugged Elle along in the opposite direction of them, to where Clark was sitting in his car, singing along to the radio. Grizz rolled his eyes at how over-dramatic his singing was and opened the passenger side door. Clark stopped abruptly and looked at them.

 

“Hey, are you able to drop us at the cemetery when we get back to town?” Grizz asked.

 

“Spooky, but sure,” Clark said.

 

“Thanks,” Grizz said, and then he stepped to the side, offering the front seat to Elle.

 

“Hey, badass,” Clark greeted her, “how you doing?”

 

“Not feeling like a badass, that’s for sure,” Elle said as she climbed into the car. Grizz shut the door behind her and was about to get in the back when he heard his name. He stopped and looked around, knowing that voice anywhere but the shouting wasn’t exactly shouting so it took him a moment to find him.

 

There was Sam, weaving through another couple of parked cars. He jogged up to Grizz, stopping and breathing heavily.

 

“Hi,” Sam said.

 

“Hey, you’re not with your parents?” Grizz asked.

 

“I said I was going to hang with you,” Sam said.

 

“They’re okay with that?” Grizz asked.

 

Sam nodded, “they just don’t want me to be sad anymore.”

 

“Oh, okay, well that’s great. Uhm…uh, shit…so…Elle’s here,” Grizz gestured to the car, “and she…wants to go see Campbell’s grave.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah…she just wants to see it for herself so it’s more real,” Grizz said, “but I understand if you don’t want to come. Or you can wait in the car. I’m sure Clark will keep you company.”

 

“No, no. It’s okay. I’ll come,” Sam said.

 

“You sure?” Grizz asked.

 

“I’m sure,” Sam nodded, “let’s go.”

 

Grizz wouldn’t argue any further. If Sam said he was okay with it, then he was okay with it. Grizz opened the door and Sam climbed in first, Grizz getting in after him.

 

“Squad goals. Let’s rock and roll,” Clark said as he fired up the engine, and then the four of them were out of there.

 

Clark kept playing the music which kept everyone silent. Grizz knew Sam and Elle had a couple of conversations over the past couple of weeks, and he didn’t hate her for what happened, and he didn’t blame her either. They were on good terms, so it wasn’t awkward at all. They had all been through a lot and there was a level of understanding there between them that no one else would ever really know.

 

When the four of them got to the cemetery, Grizz released Clark of his chauffeuring duties, considering their homes were within walking distance. He said goodbye to the lot of them and then the three headed side by side into the cemetery. Sam led the way, being the only one who knew where to go.

 

“You know, I barely paid attention to his funeral service, but I think it’s somewhere over here,” Sam said.

 

The three of them looked to head tombstone, reading the names, and then Sam stopped abruptly, because there Campbell’s tombstone was, surrounded by decaying flowers and a bunch of new ones, probably left by his mom.

 

“Wow,” Elle said.

 

“Yeah, wow,” Grizz agreed. He looked to Sam who glanced back at him before taking his hand.

 

“You okay?” Grizz asked him.

 

Sam gave a small, but sad smile, and nodded, before he looked down at the tombstone. So, this was it then? After _everything_ that Campbell had put them all through, it came down to this? Him being buried six feet under their feet. Just, gone. Elle was right, seeing was believing. The tombstone was a huge reality check that this did happen. Campbell died, Elle had killed him, and yet everything was okay.

 

“You know…whenever we would argue, he would end up hurting me, and then the argument was over , and he would always say to me ‘I win.’” Elle told him.

 

“And now…” Grizz said.

 

“I win,” Elle finished.

 

Grizz looked to her, seeing nothing but a hard, stoic expression on her face.

 

“I wanted to kill him for a long time,” Elle admitted, “I planned it sometimes. Like…poisoning him. Pushing him off a bridge. Suffocating him in his sleep. But I never had the guts. And then…when I saw him hurting you…and knew that…hey, I _could_ just…push him off or…stab in the arm instead…but…I just…didn’t. I wanted-“

 

“Stop,” Grizz told her, “I don’t need that on my conscious. You did what you had to do.”

 

Elle looked at him, then looked past at Sam who had been focusing on the tombstone, not paying attention to their conversation. He looked back at her, seeing something so cold in her eyes. Maybe Sam’s mom was right for asking for her to see a psychologist. Killing someone, no matter the motive or how much they deserved it, was bound to do some damage.

 

“I’m gonna go,” Elle said, “thank you for coming with me, but I’ve seen what I had to see.”

 

“You gonna be okay?” Grizz asked.

 

“I think so,” she nodded.

 

“Okay, text me when you get home,” Grizz said.

 

“I will, thanks,” she said, and she stood on her toes to give Grizz a hug. She let him go to step to Sam.

 

“Thank you being so understanding,” Elle told him. Sam just nodded before he gave her a hug, and Grizz was so damn amazed and proud of how mature Sam was being about the entire situation. Most people would never even want to be in the same room as the person who killed their brother. Then again, most people’s brothers aren’t abusive psychopaths.

 

Elle left them there, alone. Grizz had half the mind to go with her and make sure she got home safely, but at the same time he could tell she wanted to be alone.

 

“Weird,” Sam murmured.

 

Grizz tapped him, getting his attention, and once he had it, asked him, “what is?”

 

“Having a brother and then not having a brother,” Sam said.

 

Grizz nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

 

“But…” Sam went on, “better him than her. Better him than you, or me, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know. We’re lucky,” Grizz said.

 

Sam smiled and nodded, “I know we are.”

 

Sam took a step back, taking Grizz with him as they walked away from Campbell’s tombstone and hopefully away from him for good.

 

“So, what do you wanna do?” Sam asked.

 

“What do you want to do?” Grizz shot back.

 

“Hmm… wanna head to Izzy’s Ice-Creamery, like old times?” Sam asked.

 

“I’d love nothing more,” Grizz grinned.

 

The two of them left the cemetery hand in hand, ready to take on the world together, knowing now more than ever that they could get through anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a long one wow. I'll save the sappy end of story notes for the next part, which is an epilogue! Stay tuned to see where they all are in a years time!!! Thank you!!


	52. One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 51 recap: the final chapter showed Sam bringing Prom to Grizz. Elle's trial happened where Elle, Sam, Grizz and Clark all had to testify. The judge decided her killing Campbell had been in self defence. Sam's parents are still upset but are slowly coming around to not hating Grizz. Sam and Grizz got back together properly, like properly properly if you know what I mean. HAPPY ENDING YAY. 
> 
> This is the epilogue to see where they all ended up! WARNING: This chapter will have SPOILERS for JASON AND CLARK and whether they end up together or not. So if you don't like spoilers then maybe wait until after I finish Bros With Benefits (which I will be continuing!!- Not sure how many chapters left). If you don't care though, keep reading!

Grizz wandered through the airport, taking the route that he had memorized from his last visit home. With only a backpack on, barely weighing enough to make his shoulders ache in the slightest, Grizz was reminded of how this would only be a short visit home, not that he minded all that much. Seeing his friends would be amazing, but the main reason he was heading home had his stomach bubbling with excitement.

 

He had finished his final exams for freshman year and it was already almost one month into the summer holidays. It took him that long to finally get the two days off his job would allow. _Two days_ , that was all they were letting him get away with, but he needed the money, so who was he to complain? Apparently, it was hard to find someone to cover for him making coffees at a local café.

 

“Grizz!” the voice boomed through the busy airport. Spinning around, Grizz spotted the man he had been looking for. The moment he saw Luke, his smile grew so wide that his cheeks hurt. He ran up to him, flinging his arms around him in a solid hug.

 

“Fuck, is it good to see you!” Grizz exclaimed.

 

“About time you got here,” Luke said, patting his back. The two separated from each other. Seeing Luke was just like seeing a family member, even more so since Grizz had completely lost contact with both of his parents. Somehow though, it didn’t feel like he was missing anything. He never wanted to speak to his dad again, and his mom was doing okay, last he checked. He didn’t have much of a desire to keep any relationship going.

 

“I’ll be gone again before you know it,” Grizz told him.

 

“You should just tell your work to fuck off and stay here for the summer like the rest of us,” Luke said.

 

“Right, that’s responsible,” Helena commented. Grizz turned to her, feeling a little bad for only just noticing her then.  

 

“Hey, Helena. Good to see you,” Grizz said as he stepped forward for a warm hug. The moment they pulled back, Grizz took her hand.

 

“Show me,” he demanded as he inspected the shining diamond ring on her finger. “Hmm, not bad Lukey.”

 

“I told him not to spend so much,” Helena said with a roll of her eyes.

 

“Only the best for the best,” Luke said proudly, and Grizz couldn’t help but grin at the two of them. Seeing them so happy together made Grizz believe in happy endings.

 

“So, should I start searching for my best man’s tux?” Grizz asked cheekily.

 

“Uh, it’s going to be a _long_ engagement,” Helena butted in.

 

“Like, six months,” Luke added.

 

“More like after college,” Helena said with raised eyebrows.

 

“Just don’t elope,” Grizz said.

 

Helena snorted, “right, sure. My mom would kill me.”

 

“Mine too,” Luke said, “let’s go, the others are waiting.”

 

“Others?” Grizz asked, eyeing Luke carefully.

 

“He’s not gonna be there. You know he’s not,” Luke said, reading Grizz’s mind, “but Jason, Clark and Gwen are dying to see you. Seth’s there too.”

 

“Can’t keep them waiting then,” Grizz shrugged and gestured for them to lead the way.

 

The three of them headed out of the airport and to Luke’s car. Grizz would have just driven himself, despite it being a nine hour drive, but given the fact that he had minimal amount of time off work, he didn’t want to waste that time driving, so he had saved up a little bit to fly.

 

Grizz took in the scenery as they drove along. He missed home, really, he did. He had only been back once since starting college. Just _once_. He had planned on heading back a lot more than that but it was just so expensive so most of the time he was forced to stay put. It was Christmas when he was last there. It was far too long to be away from his friends. He loved Duke University. He loved being there too. He fit in. He made some new friends; some that he would say could potentially be lifelong friends. He liked learning too and he was doing well, really well. He was leaning more towards medicine in the hope that he could become a doctor, but there was still a lot of time to decide what exactly he wanted to do with his life.

 

As they got closer to town, Grizz’s homesick feeling settled in his stomach. He wished he could stay the entire summer like he knew Luke, Helena and Gwen were doing. Plus, Clark and Jason still lived in town. Grizz felt as though he was going to miss out on a lot with his friends, and he just hoped he didn’t drift from them. He spoke to them almost every day though, whether it be through text or FaceTime, so sometimes it was like he wasn’t even that far away from them.

 

“Home sweet home,” Luke said as he pulled up out the front of his parent’s house.

 

“Your mom and dad home?” Grizz asked.

 

“Nah, they knew everyone would be over and didn’t want the noise so they went out,” Luke said. That had always been the great thing about Luke’s parents. They were socialites, so they always had somewhere else they could be. They didn’t care if Luke had his friends over all the time, which he did, in fact, have his friends over _all_ _the time_. Luke’s house was their hang out.

 

They left the car and went inside. Grizz dropped his bag by the door, too eager to see his friends again to put his things away. He followed the music with Luke and Helena in tow until they got outside to the pool. They stood there a moment before anyone noticed them.

  

Grizz had to give a little chuckle when he first laid eyes on Jason and Clark in the pool. Somehow, they managed to get themselves stuck in a tube together and were struggling to get out. Gwen and her boyfriend Seth were cuddled close on the day beds, chatting away. As far as Grizz knew, things had been going strong for them. Gwen was going to a college nearby Yale, so at least they could see each other a lot. Grizz knew just how hard a long distance relationship could be.

 

“Hey,” Luke got their attention.

 

The boys paused and looked up while Gwen let out a high-pitched scream, and the next moment she was up from the chair and barrelling towards Grizz. He braced himself as she made impact, flinging her arms around him.

 

“Oh my _God!_ Grizzald!” Gwen shrieked in his ear.

 

“Hey, Lady Gwendoline,” Grizz laughed as he hugged her back.

 

“I can’t believe you’re here, in the flesh. You’re _real!_ ” she said in wonder.

 

“Yeah, shocking, huh,” he said sarcastically.

 

“I haven’t seen you in like a year,” Gwen said as she pulled back, and she was right. Gwen hadn’t been there when he visited for Christmas. She was away with Seth’s family, so it had literally been a year since they had seen each other face to face.

 

“How’re you doing?” Grizz asked her, even though they spoke almost every day.

 

“Good, always good. You remember Seth?” she asked.

 

“Of course,” Grizz said, looking to Seth who had gotten up and was standing by Gwen. The two offered their hands and shook them. “How you doin’?”

 

“Good, man. Haven’t seen Gwen this excited in a while. I’m wondering if I should be jealous,” Seth laughed.

 

“That’s Jason’s job,” Clark said dumbly. Grizz looked to the pool to see Jason giving Clark a less than impressed look, and Clark with wide eyes as he realized what he said.

 

“I’m sorry!” Clark said right away.

 

“Get me out of this thing,” Jason muttered as he desperately tried to free himself from the inflatable ring. He ended up going underwater, easily slipping out, and Clark threw the ring away.

 

“I didn’t mean it! It was a _joke_ ,” Clark said as he swam after his boyfriend.

 

“I’ve been over that for a year and it’s not funny anymore, so fuck you,” Jason snapped.

 

“I’m sorry. I find it hot when you’re jealous anyway,” Clark said.

 

“There’s nothing hot about jealousy,” Jason said, delivering a glare.

 

“Okay, whatever, I’m sorry,” Clark said as he waded over to him.

 

“How sorry?” Jason asked.

 

“Very sorry,” Clark said. He closed the gap and the next second the two were kissing. Actually, not just kissing, but making out, right there in the pool with the other five standing there watching.

 

“Really, guys?” Grizz asked. Did they not care they had an audience?

 

“This is what they do,” Gwen sighed, “argue, make out, argue, make out. I’m dizzy.”

 

“Sounds like a healthy relationship,” Grizz said, earning himself both Clark and Jason giving him the finger. Grizz was only joking, after all. Surprisingly Jason and Clark ended up having one of the most stable relationships of the lot of them, or at least, from what Grizz heard they did. They got together properly shortly after school ended and they had been together ever since. They worked together, they lived together. They were never seen away from each other. They were like an old married couple, and Grizz was honestly so happy for them.

 

“You guys gonna come say hello or keep making out?” Grizz asked.

 

The two of them finally pulled away from each other with a roll of their eyes. They swam to the ledge and easily hoisted themselves out of the pool.

 

“Welcome home, brother,” Jason said as he engulfed Grizz in a hug; the animosity from earlier gone. Honestly, the two were fine. There wasn’t any awkwardness as a result from Clark’s little crush he had on Grizz over a year ago. It was just a running joke to make fun of Jason for how jealous he used to get.

 

“Right, home. For like a night,” Grizz said.

 

“Better than nothing,” Clark added as he practically pushed Jason out of the way to hug Grizz in greeting.

 

“So fucking good to see you both though. I missed you guys,” Grizz said, and that was the truth. The new friends he made at Duke were great and all, but being away made him really appreciate the friends that he _did_ have.

 

“We get you for one night, so let’s get drunk,” Jason said, clapping Grizz on the shoulder.

 

“Uh, I’ll have a few but I’ve got a long drive ahead of me tomorrow so don’t get me wasted,” Grizz laughed.

 

“You’ll do as your told. Luke, beer us!” Jason demanded.

 

Grizz glanced to Luke, giving him a shrug. Luke merely rolled his eyes and took Helena’s hand, taking her with him to help.

 

For the rest of the afternoon, Grizz and his friends sat around chatting and drinking, although not too much of the latter for Grizz. It was nice to catch up with them, even though Grizz had been keeping up with what was going on in their lives, it was nice to hear it _not_ through the screen of a phone.

 

It was amazing how much had changed, but at the same time how much had stayed the same. Everyone was still with, what Grizz would say, were their high school sweethearts. Each couple worked so well together, and they were all doing so great with their lives as well, whether it be university, or working for a living.

 

As the hours passed and the evening came around, Grizz found himself watching his friends, the couples, and feeling a little jealous and empty, because there he was, sitting there all by himself, not holding anyone’s hand like Luke and Helena were doing, not play fighting in the pool like Jason and Clark had been doing, and not cuddling like Gwen and Seth. The longing made Grizz check his watch every five seconds. When it was 8:02pm, Grizz started getting a bit antsy.

 

“Relax,” Luke said, “it takes more than two minutes to get from his work to here.”

 

“I should’ve gone to pick him up,” Grizz said.

 

“He has his own car,” Luke pointed out. Grizz knew that. He just could help but get anxious, even though he didn’t know why. Nothing was wrong, exactly, but still, his insecurities often seeped in. That night things would change. Things would be different. He wouldn’t have to worry about whether things had changed while he was gone.

 

Grizz was only half paying attention to his friend’s conversation, his mind elsewhere, when out of nowhere a pair of hands covered his eyes. It took Grizz a few seconds to take note of where his friends had been; Jason and Clark in the pool, Seth and Gwen back on the day beds, Luke and Helena to his side with their feet dangling in the pool. That could only mean one thing.

 

With the widest grin on his face, Grizz took the boy’s wrists and pulled them away from his eyes. He looked up, and sure enough, there he was. _Sam_. Sam, who was looking back at him, smiling just as wide, blue eyes sparkling. Sam, his boyfriend, who was looking like a whole fucking snack that Grizz wanted to devour.

 

Grizz looked back to his friends, “gotta go.”

 

“What?” Gwen snapped, “seriously?”

 

“Important business to attend to,” Grizz said.

 

He easily got up from his place by the pool and took Sam’s hand. He dragged the boy along who was waving to their friends. Sure, Grizz was probably being a little rude and selfish, but it had been months since he had seen Sam, and if any of the others were in their position then they would do the same thing.

 

“Go get him, Tiger!” Jason called out after him.

 

Grizz didn’t even pause to respond. He took Sam into the house and the moment they were out of eyesight in the hallway, he had Sam against the wall; their lips locked together in a needy kiss. No amount of texting and Skype could ever live up to seeing Sam in the flesh, or touching him, smelling him, tasting him. He hadn’t seen Sam since he came to visit him at Duke almost three months ago for spring break.

 

This was what home felt like. It wasn’t walking through the door of the Holbrook’s house. It was being with Sam. Grizz sighed against Sam’s lips as a wave of calm washed over him. Fighting the urge to keep kissing him, he finally pulled back, just enough to sign.

 

‘I missed you,’ Grizz told him.

 

Sam didn’t need to say anything back. The look in his eyes said it all. The feeling was mutual. And the most amazing thing was the two of them never had to feel that kind of longing again, because the next day, Sam was going back to North Carolina with Grizz.

 

Grizz took Sam’s hand and led him out of the hall. They went to the stairs, skipping up them two at a time. Grizz had _briefly_ considered spending the rest of the night with his friends, especially since after tomorrow he wouldn’t be seeing them for a while, but he would be living with Sam, so fairness would say he _should_ have stayed with his friends, but he just couldn’t help himself. He wanted Sam all to himself.

 

They went into the room formerly known as Grizz’s. Even though Luke’s parents insisted Grizz would always have a home with them, it had pretty much been reverted back to a guest bedroom with only a few things of Grizz’s still laying around in drawers. The moment they were in the room and the door was closed, Grizz pushed Sam onto the bed and got on top of him, straddling his hips.

 

‘What about the others?’ Sam signed.

 

‘They’ll still be here in the morning,’ Grizz replied. He had gotten a lot better at ASL since he and Sam skyped every day and it was easier for Sam to use sign than to read Grizz’s lips on the blurry screen. Plus, Grizz spend a lot of his spare time learning and practicing ASL. He wanted to be with Sam for the rest of his life, so of course he wanted to learn his language. He wasn’t perfect, sure, but he was pretty damn good.

 

‘I can’t believe we made it,’ Sam spoke as he signed.

 

‘I can. Never doubted it for a second,’ Grizz signed.

 

‘I didn’t either. I just felt like this day would never come,’ Sam said.

 

Grizz understood that. The year was the longest year of his life. He counted down the days to when they would be together again; properly together, not just a day or two here and there. Today had been Sam’s last day at work. He already had a job lined up in the same chain near where Grizz lived; near where they _both_ now lived, in the two bedroom apartment that Grizz had just moved into a couple of weeks ago. It had been lonely, and he couldn’t wait for Sam to move in. Sam’s parents and the Holbrook’s had their concerns about them moving in together so young, but both Sam and Grizz were so confident in their relationship that nothing else made sense except living together. Sam had gotten into a college nearby Duke, and living expenses were, well, expensive. It would be so much easier to split the rent.

 

‘I can’t wait to live with you, Sam Eliot,’ Grizz signed.

 

Sam grinned wide before he reached out and pulled Grizz down to him. They kissed nice and slow, basking in the fact that they were actually in the same room as the other. It didn’t take long for their clothes to come off and to give in to what they had both been waiting for for months.

 

\---

 

Grizz turned to his friends as they all congregated at Sam’s car. He knew it wasn’t goodbye. They _all_ knew that, but it was _‘see you in a few months, maybe in a year, who knows?’_ And that was the part that killed Grizz a little inside. In a perfect world they would all be going to the same colleges, or at least be living in the same state, but life didn’t work that way.

 

“Well…” Grizz sighed to the lot of them.

 

“Don’t stay way for that long again,” Gwen was the first to speak. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Grizz’s shoulders in a tight hug.

 

“I’ll try and come back more,” Grizz said.

 

“Promise me.”

 

“I promise. It wouldn’t kill you to come visit me though,” Grizz said.

 

“I’ll do it,” she threatened, “don’t think I won’t.”

 

Grizz chuckled before kissing her on top of her head and pulling back. She went to Sam, hugging him, as Grizz turned to Seth.

 

“Look after her,” Grizz told him, trying to be all stern and brotherly, but failing miserably.

 

“Have been,” Seth confirmed. The two gave each other a quick hug, and then Grizz turned to Clark and his puppy dog eyes.

 

“This sucks,” Clark muttered.

 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Grizz said.

 

“That’s what you said last time,” Clark said with a frown, “you have Sammy now. You’ll never come back.”

 

“I’ll come back when you and Jason get married,” Grizz teased.

 

Clark’s eyes bugged out, “married? What? Jason?!”

 

“Relax, Clark. If I was going to propose, you’d know it,” Jason said, “and Grizz, stop teasing the poor guy.”

 

“Had to get one more in for the road,” Grizz shrugged.

 

Jason just smiled and stepped forward with arms wide open. Grizz embraced him in a tight hug. “Seriously though, don’t leave it too long,” Jason said.

 

“I won’t,” Grizz said, pulling back. He went to Clark, giving him a hug too. Grizz kind of wished he could pack his friends into the car too and they could all go live with him, despite the fact that it’s only a two bedroom apartment and there wasn’t enough room for even one of them.

 

“Keep out of trouble,” Grizz said as he pulled back.

 

Clark just nodded at him before he started signing to Sam. Sam, Clark and Jason had been hanging out a lot together; a lot more than Grizz could have predicted, not that he was complaining. He loved that Sam was closer to his friends. They became _their_ friends, not just his.

 

Grizz turned to the final two of the group; Luke and Helena.

 

“I guess I’ll see you when I see you,” he told them.

 

“You need to come visit us in New York,” Helena said, “we have a spare room.”

 

“Maybe next break, if I can afford it,” Grizz said.

 

“I’m gonna take that as a yes, definitely, and lock it in,” Luke said.

 

Grizz just rolled his eyes, shaking his head, “yeah, sure.”

 

Luke grinned, “Come here, brother,” Luke said before he grabbed Grizz’s arm and pulled him in close. Grizz hugged him, and yeah, he had definitely become a brother to him. And Luke’s parents treated him like a second son too. It was a nice feeling considering he didn’t have his own family anymore.

 

“Drive safe,” Helena said when Grizz pulled from Luke’s grip to hug her.

 

“You two have a safe trip back too,” Grizz said.

 

“We will.”

 

Grizz pulled back, and looked to all of his friends as Sam finished up saying goodbye too.

 

“Well, until next time then, I guess,” Grizz said to them.

 

“Until next time,” Gwen nodded, the others all agreeing.

 

Grizz turned to Sam, seeing him looking at him already, ‘let’s do this.’

 

Sam smiled and nodded, going to the car.

 

“Later, guys,” Grizz said to the group. He waved them off, earning a chorus of ‘byes’ and ‘see you laters’ before he got in the passenger side of Sam’s car. He watched his friends as Sam drove off, knowing that was the last he would see of them probably for another six months. Leaving wasn’t as bad as last time though, because he had Sam with him now.

 

The two of them headed over to Sam’s house, only to say goodbye to his parents since Sam had already packed the back of his car with everything he wanted and needed to bring. Sam’s parents had come around a lot since the events that transpired one year ago. They didn’t hate Grizz, thankfully, and even Sam’s mom had warmed up a lot, even though Grizz barely saw them. When he did speak to them, usually when he was already on Skype with Sam, they often had long chats with him.

 

Life after Campbell had been different, for the better. The only obstacle in Sam and Grizz’s relationship had been the distance, but the two were so in love with each other and never had eyes for anyone else; even the multiple people that had hit on Grizz at Duke. Distance had barely been an issue. It just made them want each other even more.

 

Sam’s mom was teary as they left, and his dad had given Grizz the ‘look after my son or I’ll kill you’ talk, which Grizz took very, _very_ seriously. Not that he would ever hurt Sam or anything. He’d rather die himself than do that.

 

“That sucked,” Sam said as he drove. And it did, kind of. Saying goodbye always sucked, even though it wasn’t forever. Grizz didn’t say anything, as Sam was busy focusing on the road as they headed to their next destination.

 

When they pulled up to Elle’s house, she was already on her front porch with her suitcase and other bags filled with her belongings. The moment the car stopped, Grizz got out and headed up to Elle, with Sam in tow.

 

“Jesus, Elle, how big do you think Sam’s car is?” Grizz said with he looked at all her stuff.

 

“I’m _moving_ , Grizz. I can’t leave anything behind!” she declared.

 

“You’re gonna be so squished in the back for the next nine hours, you know that, right?” Grizz said.

 

“Worth it,” she said with a smile that filled her cheeks.

 

Grizz rolled his eyes and the three of them, together, lugged Elle’s belongings to Sam’s car and expertly packed the back.

 

They needed a third person to help with rent, and Elle had become such a free-spirit in the past year that she didn’t even hesitate to agree when Grizz and Sam asked her to move with them. They would have asked Becca too, but since she had gotten pregnant and had a baby through her senior year, she was sticking close at home with her parents. No one even knew who the father was, but Becca seemed happy enough being a single mother.

 

That was also the only thing that had Sam thinking twice about coming to live with Grizz. He had been such a support for Becca. He had practically been the kid’s dad, but Becca insisted that Sam live his own life, and he and Grizz had been planning this for so long, so thankfully, Sam had said goodbye to Becca and agreed to live with Grizz, just like they always planned.

 

“Just to confirm,” Elle said when she was finally squished into the back seat, “I get my own room, right?”

 

“No, you gotta share a bed with me and Sam,” Grizz lied.

 

“ _Gareth_ ,” she scolded.

 

“Yes, yes. You get your own room,” Grizz laughed.

 

“Good,” she nodded, “now, let’s get this show on the road!”

 

Grizz looked to Sam who was looking right back at him. Grizz’s heart pounded in his chest as a mixture of pure love and excitement coursed through his veins.

 

‘Ready?’ Sam signed.

 

Grizz smiled as he leant over, giving Sam a quick kiss. He pulled back and signed ‘ready.’

 

Sam started up the car again and off the three went to start their new lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so so so so so SO much for reading this entire story and sticking with it all the way to the end! It really does mean a lot to me. And thank you to everyone who commented because comments are the best motivation to keep writing. You guys are all literally THE BEST. The absolute best and I love every single one of you. 
> 
> I'm going to continue Bros With Benefits and after that maybe have a little break before starting another Grizzam story (it's a fake dating au because who doesn't love a fake dating au?) So keep a lookout for that if you want (probs not until next year like Feb/March or whenever I have time to write it)
> 
> Thank you so much again to everyone!!!!!


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